Hey, everybody. Welcome to this, another episode of DodoBorne. It's me, your GM, and your icosahedron, Isaac Allen Burns. And joining with me today are three other platonic solid polyhedrons. To my left, my tetrahedron, I have one Rowan Collins.
You're making me do math on this episode.
And, next to Rowan Collins is my octahedron, one Joe Diametti
You're making me learn words, and that makes me uncomfortable.
And next to Joe, we have one dodecahedron named Annie Hawthorne.
That's 12. Right?
Yeah. That's right. And for those who are listening, just so you know, a platonic solid is a convex regular polyhedron in three-dimensional Euclidean space, which is super cool because those are also the shapes of all your dice. That's right. We're here to teach you something.
We're here to learn something. And I think without further ado, I, your Dtwenty, your icosahedron, Isaac Allen Burns, are gonna take you on a new journey in the world of Altea. Pause for music. Anyways, just to recap the last episode, our gang went to sleep. They had revealing dreams perhaps that dove into some of their greatest nightmares, or was it all just crazy dream logic?
I guess we're gonna find out. But in any case, they woke up with a variety of emotions regarding what they had all seen. Kapi left in a hurry to confront Cyrus himself, claiming that he knew stuff that he wasn't letting the people in on. Kapi also questioning why he was still a rookie after eight long years. Meanwhile, our two friends
Best friends.
Best friends. Please. Frank and Pistachio went to the bakery and talked to Scarlett who revealed some dramatic news in that she was getting married off to one of the nephews of Viscount Edgar Balthazar. In shock, they asked if she thought that Kapi would take her away if he knew that she still somewhat had feelings for him. Kapi, at the time, was interrogating random citizens of the town.
Finally getting back together, our three heroes elected to go to the barracks based on some news that they heard from Miles, the bartender, that Stethanel got his leg broken by none other than Ash. We find them now on the way to the barracks. As you know, this is a very small town. Wilderness is all around you. And as you walk towards the barracks, you step past the wooden gates that sort of surrounds the town.
When I say gates, I'm being so generous. It's the kinda, like, just gates that were put up there just to say you have a gate. It's not really gonna defend anything because, you know, Dragon Road hasn't seen that kind of action. But you step outside. You pass by two older peacekeepers.
Right? Some of the vets who've been here a long time. Most of what they do is just kinda sit at the gate. They nod to you as you leave. As you head towards the barracks, you swear once again in the corner of your eyes, you look out in the forest.
There's just a twinkle, strange twinkling, almost like a glow beckoning you towards it. But you've got a mission, and you keep walking. The barracks outside of here were set up during the civil war, so they are very recent and very modern. It was originally thought that this was going to be a sort of headquarters for the Volhane army. Unfortunately, due to its lack of tactical positioning of Bracken Road, it didn't really surmount.
So you've got, like, a huge barracks. It's, like, three stories. Could probably hold about a hundred soldiers, and, six people are in it. So well, you head up to the front gates, and you see there they are, the the barracks. The gates are open. The barracks are just out of you.
It's going?
Yeah. Alright.
You head up. You knock on the door, and they swing open lazily because no one's guarding it. And inside, you see one of the peacekeepers who's there. He's on front desk duty today, and he is fully asleep.
Hello? I like Try and tap him lightly.
Attention. Soldiers are yeah. Alert. You three, are you scheduled for a meeting today?
Are you in a place of being able to question
my Yes. I am. I am the front desk sergeant. I'm not a sergeant, but I'm the front desk person.
Yeah. And state your business here immediately. Yeah. We're just looking for a blue guy with horns.
We're also looking for a Nathaniel. We heard he broke his leg.
Those two things are related. We heard of a blue horned individual who was harassing one of our soldiers and wound up attacking him. And though our soldier definitely evaded his blows, he tripped on a rock and broke his leg. And that is the story we were told by that soldier. But you want information on the blue horned individual. Do you have any information for us?
Well,
Speak with your chest, soldier.
Yeah. The blue horned individual broke that guy's leg What? In half.
That doesn't
When is corroborated?
That doesn't track with the story we were told.
Well
One of these must be a lie.
Considering Sothaniel's kind of, embellishing a lot of their stories, maybe it's that one.
What? Who would accuse your fellow soldier of hyperbole? Yes.
Yes.
These soldiers need more discipline. What to do here? I'm at a loss. Well
We could figure it out for you if you let us talk to Nathaniel.
This is true. A professional should look into this. Well, gumshoes, I'm officially hiring you as private investigators. Oh. So follow me to the victim, and he marches down the hall.
I march behind him.
I look at, Kathy and, Craig and go, okay. So what's the plan of this guy? Who's the good cop? Who's the bad cop? And who's the incompetent cop?
Guys, let's not give into the theatrics here. Everything these people do is just so
So you wanna be the good cop?
Definitely not okay. He's not giving into the theatrics.
Oh, yeah. Says this as he's marching behind the guy as as you're walking behind.
Alright. I'm not gonna play good cop with Stutthaniel. First off, his name is Stutthaniel. I'm not going to I'm not gonna pretend to have a grown up conversation with a man named Stutthaniel. Grow up.
Yeah. What a dumb name. Yeah.
I'm really sure he picked that name.
Yeah. I think his parents probably picked that name.
Yeah. Probably because they knew he was never gonna grow up. Harry.
See, he seems to be a little better.
Yeah. That was more Kapi like, I wasn't saying.
Alright, Kapi. You could be the bad cop then.
Perfect.
As in the bad ass cop. Yo.
Language soldier, says the soldier in front of you.
I'm sorry.
Eventually, he eventually, he leads you to a door with a, nine pointed star on it that says infirmary. Busting inside. Well, I say busting. That sounds really
he sorry.
Let me try that again. Let me take that again. Opening the door. Buy the
barrick dinner first.
He does not pull a, episode 25 of Neon Evangelion. He instead goes, that's a deep cut for
two people. Deep cut.
He, he walks inside the door very calmly as a soldier would and stands at attention. And you see inside is a bed, a single bed. And laying on that bed is Nathaniel, his leg in a cast and his face in a frown, and he sees the three of you, and his eyes roll. He says, come to gloat that I broke my leg by falling on a rock.
That's not true. You both
know it. What? What do you know?
Oh, I love I love badass Craig. I I whisper to Pistachio.
What do you mean, robot? You don't know anything. I know more than you think I know. What? What's that supposed to mean? Expound. It
means I talk to the bartender.
Oh, shit. Hi. Real quick.
Where is it? Have you seen, Nefanie? For no reason. Just a
Nefanie's on a patrol right now.
Yeah. Nefanie's okay. It was Craig. Do your thing.
So what happened between you and Ash?
Well, I was at the bar waiting for you losers to go get eaten by a acid burrow or whatever. To fight? I did not pick a fight. He came in, and he was talking to me. He seemed cool at first, and then he was called me a government dog. Couldn't handle his one drink. I I was I was not talking to walking back
and forth behind Craig, like like the worst hype man you've ever seen.
He started he started calling me a bunch of just a bunch of inappropriate things that I did not appreciate. That is probably true. Oh. And so I told him to stick it where the sun don't shine. You're kidding. You're probably coward. And he told me that he could he could take me. And so I said, you can't take a proud soldier of Volvane. So we went outside, and before I could swing on him, I tripped on a rock and broke my leg.
Uh-huh.
Rock kicked your ass?
Yeah. Have you ever seen this man before?
No. I've never seen him before. He was just, like, he just showed up. He was talking shit. And then after he's after he watched me break my leg
You mean broke your leg in half?
I wanna do a presence check.
Yeah. Or a
yeah. A presence.
Oh.
Well, what are you trying to do? Hang on. What's Kathy trying to do?
I wanna do an instinct check, I lied. I wanna perceive.
Oh, okay.
Do it up. My instinct is a plus zero.
Okay. Do it up.
That's a 10 with hope.
What is thinking of that? What are you perceiving?
Oh, yeah. I guess I I guess I'm just, I'm trying to perceive if he knows anything else or if there's anything else that's, like, part of the story that he's leaving out besides the fact that he obviously got his ass kicked.
Yeah. So this is definitely an instinct check. You can tell a 10 with hope that's pretty good that would succeed at sussing out something. So as this guy's talking, sometimes, when we try to tell a lie, it's best to tell half truths. This guy is We're
here to teach you something.
We're here to teach you something. And so as you are watching him talk about it, he is clearly lying about his leg getting broken. Like, clearly, it was broken by this guy. Mhmm. But the way that he is talking about this guy, because he talks a little more about it.
The way that you notice he talks about it is he almost seems uncomfortable by him. Not in a way of, like, oh, I'm mad that he broke my leg. I would take him on again. More like, I don't wanna mess with that dude again. And it seems to go beyond just he got overtaken in battle.
Mhmm. Nathaniel. I wanna, like, flip the chair around and sit in it like a old teacher. I feel like I've already done this bit.
I'm just I'm gonna do it as a captain. Yeah. That's how Kathy talks.
He flips the chair around. He suspects, Nathaniel. Listen. We all get scared sometimes. I don't, but I could see how someone named Stefaniels would.
He's lying. Frank? Shh. He's a he's a good cop.
Frank, not in front of the kids. So listen. Why don't you help us out? Okay? Just can you tell us anything about where he went, if there was any part of the story that you feel you've left out besides him obviously breaking your leg? Was there foul play? Was there magic? Was there anything that you can give us about what happened and or where he went? And we'll go take care of it, big bad man.
He's bristling at you with your condescending tone.
I kiss him on the forehead.
Kinda like, he's like, oh, don't don't touch me. I'll get you right now. If my leg hadn't been broken by falling on a rock, I would what I would do.
Oh, really? Okay. And, Pistachio will reach out to his leg and just, like, tap it really hard, and then they tap it really hard. They will cure it. Three hit points.
Three hit points. You heal the leg. Pistachio, we flashback to a conversation that you had once with the priest. The priest is talking to you. This is shortly after the Quackers incident, and you're sitting there in front of the priest, and the priest says, look, kid, pistachio.
I don't know quite how to tell you this, but, see, magic and various connections to healing magic is very useful for healing various maladies and wounds and diseases. And when we use too much magic, there are certain side effects that can occur. Think of it like there are parts of the body, that will grow weaker as that sort of relies on magic. Right? Another thing is that the body sometimes heals very slowly, and so magic is a very fast process a lot of times.
And so when things heal very quickly, it can often be a very painful like, for instance, if you broke your arm and it doesn't get set properly and you just use magic to fix the arm, it's gonna be a very painful process of where the bones sort of bend themselves, but in a way that's a little less natural. And even when the bones are set, if they get healed instead of, like, having allowing time for the body to naturally heal it, it can be very painful. It's really good, in high intense situation because when adrenaline is pumping, you won't even feel it. You know, your soul acts as a natural defense mechanism. But, you know, in a lot of ways, that's why people become doctors because we need to learn ways, you know, holistically to do it.
And, Pistachio, I really gotta tell you, I know you really wanna be a doctor, and you have really great grades. But you have really good grades for someone who is here in Bracken Road. Right? If you wanna go to a really good medical college, being from here has certain challenges. So maybe try a year of being in the adventuring guild, and that could probably propel you to be able to get into those schools where you could be a doctor. How does that sound to you?
You mean, it won't take me from here because I'm what? We're we're bad at teaching?
No. It's not that we're bad at teaching. It's just that, certain individuals who want to pursue this line of work have various resources that we just don't have access to here. Some of them have tutors. Their schools are able to provide more for them. It's not that we're bad. It's just that we don't have access to this resource.
So when I got a heal, like, fifteen broken legs and, like, patch up, like, twelve different stitches and, like, see the inside of somebody's skull before it'll take me on?
Well, think of it as experience is a great teacher. Right? If you're someone who has a year of experience in the adventuring guild where you're healing people in high intense situations, having to make those snap decisions, that could go far away, in sort of the placement. So you can certainly still try. I just think that, you know, take a year just to see what medicine can be like.
Because I think that if you spend that time healing people in that way, I think you'll get a really good appreciation for how important, like, proper medicine and proper healing is. You know? You can't just slap a broken leg and make it bend together just like that, and we cut forward, and you hear a vicious grinding of bone. And Nathaniel screams really loudly and grips his leg and says, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, so
that's what the priest
meant. Okay. Okay. I'll tell you. Okay. Look. Okay. Yeah. He broke my leg. Okay? He got I don't know. He moved so fast. I tried to hit him with a round with the roundhouse kick, you know, because, you know, the roundhouse kick's so strong. I I get hit so hard, and yet he got around it, got behind it, had my leg above my head, and next thing I know, I felt a sharp pain, and I was on the ground, and he went, look. Okay.
He leaned down and whispered into my ear, and he said, soon, this will all be dust and ash. And then he walked away, and he walked, like, kinda northeast. Okay. And I was freaky, and actually, you know and then Stephanie comes up and says that all of you ran off towards somewhere, and then I passed out from the pain. Okay? But it was really freaky. He kinda he looked at me with eyes of, like, he's oh, look. He's he's freaky. Okay? I didn't like that guy.
Hey. Thank you. Sorry about your leg. Quick huddle, guys. I think
I'm gonna pass out.
Here's some a pistachio will grab into their fanny pack. They will have, like, a little thing of alcohol, and then that'll say, here you go. I should've done that first.
He is fully passed out. His eyes have ruined
his eyes. Oh,
I will just, like, splash it on his face.
My eyes. Oh, my eyes. Look out of my eyes.
Oh, my eyes.
Holy Get out of my room. Get out of here. Okay? You win. Is that what you wanted to hear, you blue guy? You win. Okay?
Not like this. Come on, Pistachio.
Guys burn so bad. It
burns so bad.
Frank, this is your your one job is to watch Pistachio. Make sure that they don't get weird.
I was doing a cop and a cop. Did I do it too good?
You,
it was very convincing to me.
Very convincing. Let's go have the huddle.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Wow. I
I like Neil to be a part of the huddle.
I like to stand on my toes. Okay. So north
eye level with Kathy.
So north northeast. Okay. Okay. This is gonna sound really weird, but did you see a sparkle, a glint, a glimmer in the Northeast direction?
A north Northeast what?
Direction.
Okay.
What did you think I said? Get out of here, you sicko.
I feel like happy wouldn't admit if he did. Let's you know what, kid? Let's assume you saw a sparkle, a glint, a glibber in the north direction. Northeast. Northeast direction.
Did you see it quick? Direction.
I think so. It was like it was there or not. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming again.
I think we need to go that direction. We need to be ready.
Alright. Listen. I'm I'm willing to take lead on this, not because I saw anything. I feel like we've been spending too much time together. Right? You guys are talking about having the same dreams and seeing the same glibber.
We're becoming a real team, Kathy. We're like brothers only closer.
I was very,
Okay.
So,
yeah, let's go.
Yes. That was a Spongebob joke.
Because I
looking at Kapi while he's Uh-oh. Pretending not to know all of this. Yeah. Do I think he's lying about the dream and about the glimmer?
Oh, give me an instinct check.
I feel like Pistachio trusts Kathy a % except around their mother, so we'll not even try.
That's only a nine with fear.
A nine with fear. You know, this is something small, so I'm just gonna bank that fear. I'm gonna bank it. So I now have another fear. Hi. Me, GM. Isaac Allen Burns here. I currently have quite a few fear. I can't wait to find out how I'll use it. Anyway, back to the story. You look at Kapi. Kapi is in a state. I think that's the thing you can tell most. There's a lot going on in Kapi mind. Whether or not he did or didn't see it, something has kind of maybe gotten under his skin.
Maybe it's thrown him off balance. Maybe he's off kilter. I don't think Crank knows, but Crank can definitely tell something's going on with Kapi.
Well, as we're walking towards the Northeast, I will just be like, how are you doing, Kapi?
Oh, I'm I'm good, Crank.
You seem weird. Weird? Me?
First off, I'm the coolest one out of this trio. I wanna be I wanna be very clear.
Yeah. That's right. Actually, I don't emit heat, so I don't think that's true. Oh, wait. You just seem not yourself today. Would you like some fabric? I can probably find you some.
No. I I think I've got I think I've got all the fabric I need, cranky.
Appreciate it. I've got more apple fritters.
Okay. I'll take I mean, I'll take
an apple fritter. An apple fritter.
Yeah. I just eat it, like, for some.
You know, if you ever wanna talk, you know, I'm here. I don't have ears, but I do have audio receptors. Craig.
Okay.
Okay. Yeah. I don't know. We I just think we're all probably hiding stuff. Right?
Oh.
Like, where do you go with the red eyes? Where does Pistachio when they're talking about being a doctor and also doing magic? And Well, admire into a dodo once an episode. I just think
What's an episode?
I just think I just I just think that maybe it's better for us in the long run that we don't get too close. Right, Craig? Because you're gonna go be a wizard. That's the plan. Right?
You're not coming with me?
To Polaris.
A wizard?
To Polaris.
Mhmm. I invited Scarlet too.
No. No. Scarlet has her life mapped out here. I don't know
if that's
true. It's going to do very well.
I don't know if that's true either.
And I also have my life mapped out here.
I don't think that's true either. But if it makes you feel better, I can tell you where I go and my eyes turn red. I shrink down really, really small, and I go deep deep inside. And all I can do is see and hear, and I don't have control over my actions.
Wait
a second. Hold on. That doesn't sound healthy either. Has the resident doctor in training? I think you should see a doctor.
I don't know if what I need is a machinist. But, anyway, I'm just I'm not trying to hide anything.
Okay. Well, why do you wanna become a wizard?
Well, I wanna become a wizard because my master was a wizard, and and he was he was gonna do great things. And I need to carry on his legacy.
He was a mentor?
He was my mentor.
Yeah. Did he support you?
I think so. I think we supported each other.
Yeah.
He taught me a few things. He gave me these fancy gauntlets. They somehow turn on. I haven't been able to figure that out yet.
They look cool, Craig.
Yeah. They hit hard.
Well, it sounds like he set you up for success.
Yeah.
Yeah. Did
your mentor not set you up for success?
Oh, god.
Kathy, I feel like it would help you if it got out of your body.
If it got out of my body?
Yeah. Whatever you're not saying is stuck in here between your shoulders right here.
Yeah. I think it comes out your eyes.
My eyes.
Yeah. It's sometimes And sometimes we
can get some cloth to help.
If it would make you feel better, I could turn it to an emotional support dodo.
This is feeling like more of an intervention. The further we walk. Guys, I just wanna save the town. Don't we all wanna save the town?
We do.
Save the Apple Festival. Save the girl.
Yeah. Save the barista. Save the world.
Save the barista. Save the world.
Yes.
Save the barista.
Alright. Hands in. Crank first because I don't want the crushed. Alright. Hand in. Pistachio on top.
I am on
top. Save the town and stop bringing up emotional trauma on three. One. Two, three. I refuse to make that promise.
I refuse to make that promise.
I mean, I I don't know. Is it never mind.
The three of you have been walking for a while. And as you look up, time, has gotten almost past you guys. The sun is beginning to sink lazily down towards the horizon. And it's probably about late afternoon when the three of you, following some kind of path, it's weird. You look down at the ground, you don't see a path, but your feet seem to know where to go.
Almost something pulling you towards it. You find yourself in a sort of glen close to the mountains up north. There are stones and ruins overgrown with trees and vines all around. Something was here at one point, but now it's well taken over by nature. Three of you step finally into this little clearing within the glen.
Behind this clearing, you can see almost a sheer wall, a cliff face of the mountain, and yet in front of it, you see this large circular dais. It seems very familiar to the three of you, almost like what you saw in that dream. Three of you are standing there. You see towards the back of this dais, the opposite side from where you stand, so it looks like an altar with a small indent going across it. It is empty, but it is there. And this is what the three of you see.
I imagine think I like it here.
I imagine it's one of those things where we were having that conversation, and we just look up, and all of a sudden, we're there. But we don't really
Yeah.
Know how we ended up there.
I'll at the end of Mulan's, like, I'll make a man out of you when they just look up and there's a decimated village. That's the, like, kind of
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You see overgrown ruins all around you. And yet this clearing here, not a speck of dust on the stones of this diet. What?
Is it quiet, or do we hear the sounds of nature?
You hear the rustling of the leaves and the trees. You hear a distant flitter of a bird. You hear the rustling of underbrush. Nature is very much alive here.
Should I talk to the grass?
I mean, there's birds.
Or birds. Would it make you more comfortable if I talk to birds?
I just think if we're going off the things that might be able to help us.
Oh, that's true. They are more brady. I look around to see if there's a bird that I could talk to.
Yeah. You look around, Pistachio, and you see with your eyes as you're looking, you see a lone turn sitting on a branch high above you.
Okeydokey. I will try to talk to it.
Very good. Use that ability that you have.
I sure will. I will ring. I'm doing an instinct roll to see if I could I rolled a 17 with hope. So
Wow. That's so good. That's really good.
Will hopefully give me the new information that they know. So I will actually, a 19 with hope. Pistachio will turn to the bird and go, hello, turd. Are you You're not touching. What is what is this place?
Tweet tweet. What's that? What's this place?
Yeah. What's This is
a forest. Don't you see the trees?
Yeah. But what's that? You silly.
You silly, little goose. Uh-huh. What'd you want? I'm not
a goose. But From
up here, you look like a goose. You got a big long neck. You're walking and waddling around. I no. I I don't wanna know what this place is. It's a forest, silly.
Yeah. But what's that dais thing?
Oh, I know I know instinctually what it is. It's a place of great power. I really like being near it. Makes me feel good.
It makes you feel good?
Yeah. Being near it makes me feel good. Do do
do do do. Oh, I it's not time for dancing turd.
It's time for dancing, especially when there's another bird around. You see any other turds? I'm trying to get some. You know what I mean? That's what I do as a bird.
Wow. Okay. Remind me not to be a dodo. I if I turn to everybody else, remind me not to be a dodo in here. That turd is very horny.
Oh, you're turning to dodos?
Doesn't look like it has horns to me.
Yeah.
What's it saying, Pistachio?
Oh, it's saying this is a place of great power.
Great power.
Great. Talking to your friends over there?
Yeah.
Hey.
Do you
have any good turds?
I don't
know any other fellow turds looking like me, but different from me.
Yeah.
I'm trying to lay some eggs. You know what I mean?
Yeah. I know. Sweet tweet. I know. You have to further your species
in any
way possible.
It's really easy around here.
Not like the dodo.
Really easy around here?
Yeah. Everything's fertile around here. Everything's fertile? Yeah. Plants grow real easy here. Tweet tweet.
Like how easy?
Oh, really easy. Look around you. Did you know that this used to be a place that had a bunch of, like, big stones? Like, someone put them there. Tweet tweet like a nest, Or for people walking around on two legs.
Oh, wow.
Love this fucking bird.
Yeah. And then it, then it wasn't. At least that's what the ancestors tell me.
I have ancestors.
Okay. Have you, have you touched the dais?
Oh, no. I will I haven't done that.
Do we do it? Why?
I'm not supposed to.
Why?
That's just as instinctually. I know. I'm not the kind of person who's supposed to. There are people who are supposed to touch it, but I'm not one of them.
Would you know internally if you were a person to touch the dais?
I don't know. I don't think it works reverse. Tweet tweet.
Pistachio looks towards the dais. Do they feel like a compelling need to touch it?
The same kind of compulsion that has pulled the three of you continues still.
I wanna
let Craig touch it.
Yeah. I think, while while, Pistachio is talking to the bird, Craig is just gonna, like, step up and walk towards the altar.
Yeah. Kapi's watching Crank.
Craig, you step up on the altar. You step up on the dais. It's actually, though, the bird looks at Crank and says, oh, one person touched on the dais. Tweet tweet. Time to go. Goodbye. The bird flies away.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Crank, you stand on this dais. Nothing's different. You're still standing here.
I won't feel anything.
No. You really don't.
I'm gonna walk forward, and I'm gonna put my hand on the altar.
You put your hand on the altar, and you feel a deep emptiness. There's something missing.
In me or in the altar?
In this place.
In this place. Something's missing. Something's missing.
What do you mean?
Something's missing.
K.
I feel it.
Okay. Alright. Come on, Pistachio.
Okay.
We also walk up.
Three of you walk up, all stepping onto the dais. There's a beat where nothing happens. Suddenly bursting out of the bushes is a small gnome. He's got a big, bright, cheery face. He's got a beard that goes down to his navel. It's like a white beard. He's got a red cone conical hat. He's wearing, like, a green tunic, and he looks at all three of you and says, well, look at here. Looks like we got some people on my dais.
Are you what's missing?
Oh, I've been here a long time. I'd know I'm missing if I couldn't find myself. What are the three of you doing here?
Standing on a dais. Yeah.
Standing on my dais.
Okay. And what, what we'll get off do you want us off the dais?
Oh, you can stay on the dais if you want.
I'm the one supposed
to clean it. I gotta clean it now anyways.
Oh, it's a nice dais. Thank you. I had
worked very hard on it. Hey.
What exactly is it?
It's a diocese.
For what purpose?
Wait a minute. You don't know what this place is?
No. No.
What are you doing here then? Why are you here?
We found it.
You found it? You're just walking around and you stumbled upon it?
Yeah. Exactly.
You tripped on a rock, hit your head, and found yourself here in wonderland.
It didn't hit my head, I don't think.
Oh, you don't think?
I do think I have a screw loose, though, if you know a good machinist.
Well, though, we all have a couple screws loose as well, I haven't checked my old ticker in a while, but I don't think a machinist is gonna help you get out of here.
What do you mean get out of here?
Well, you came here randomly. According to the three of you, you told me you just stumbled upon this place randomly.
We were drawn to it.
Oh, you were drawn here. Wait. Wait. Wait. That changes the story. He kinda hops up on the altar and stands up really tall and says, so the three of you were drawn here. Tell me about it. You had an experience. Did you have a dream?
I looked at Kathy. I'd
okay. Yes. I had the dream.
You had a dream, did you? Suddenly, there's a spiral like a tornado, and this guy is sitting on, like, a therapist's chair. He has, like, his little legs crossed. He's got a little clipboard. The three of you are now laying down on, like, therapy pictures. And he says, so you had a dream, did you? Why don't you tell me about this dream you had? And tell me how it made you feel.
Well, I guess it all started when I was a kid. I think that anyways, no. I so, there was a asset borrower. We fought an asset borrower
Okay.
Alright. Recently in real life, not the dream.
Oh, this isn't the dream. This isn't the dream.
The real life makes sense for the dream. I'm getting there.
Okay. Okay. No.
Yeah. It's his first time.
He has a process. Yes.
Of course.
We would we bought an acid borrower in real life.
Okay.
And then the acid borrower showed up in my dream. Your dream?
My dream dream. Your dream?
My dream dream.
Wow. Showed up in our dream, and, it turned into the leader or the secretary, owner of the building adventure guild back in town. Are you familiar with Breckenridge?
Well, I can't say I am. Is that a kind of fruit?
It can't be that far. How long were we walking? Okay. Then we were in the clouds, and Crank fed wolves that started making
out. Oh, yeah. Now they did start making out.
Then there was bushes
Alright.
With blackberries, I think, and or thorns.
Both. Yeah.
Yeah. And what happened with your thing again?
Oh, I Oh,
you were getting a rash.
Cut it down with a machete Yeah. That gave them a rash.
There were four sets of prints. Right?
Yeah. There was four sets of prints.
Well, sometimes there were three.
Sometimes there were three.
But why were there four?
I thought the acid burrower.
Those were the times that you carried it.
Oh. You carried the acid burrow. Why would we do that?
Seems so. Well, as you know, dreams are very important. This is a world of myths and magic, and so dreams should be taken incredibly seriously. I've never had a dream before. Really? You haven't had a dream before? No. We don't really dream. Must be pretty light up there. Titanium, more like aluminum. Am I right?
I don't get it.
I don't get it either.
Well, you know, that's an old one. That's an old joke. You just wouldn't understand it. You're too young.
Then we saw the sparkle.
Oh, yeah.
You saw sparkle? The hot sparkle in G.
Oh. Also, Kapi's been lying to all of us, and I think that there's a deeper meaning with that, but we can make an address that later.
Oh, Kapi's Lying?
Well, he said he didn't see the sparkle, and he didn't have the dream, and now he did.
I feel so betrayed.
Are you lying to your friends there, blue cowboy?
Alright. Friends, I you
walk around with three people in the woods and you stumble upon a dice from a dream you all shared and you're confused if you're friends or not?
I'm in charge of protecting them.
There you are. Sure you are, you big bag of beans.
It's important to me that they are protected because that is my job as the senior member at the Adventurers Guild.
Okay. Well, those words don't mean much to me, but they seem to mean a lot to you. So I'll let you keep those in your heart and your mind.
Okay. What what is what what what Well,
it seems like we're having a discussion of what our dreams are, but it seems like there's something else going on here. It seems like you, three have a lot of things that you're trying to work out right now, and I'm here to help. I'm just here to listen.
A lot of things, but I think, number one, we need to really understand what this place is because it drew us here. It was like a magnet.
Okay. Well, I see. You know, these things happen these ways, so I can let this slide. So the three of you have stumbled upon here. Okay. So let me talk a little bit about myself then as most conversations are good to start with. So I am the caretaker of this place. This is the Sage's Grove.
What's your name?
My name is Percival Anachronisms, and I'm the caretaker of this here Sage's Grove. This is a place of power. You see, back long ago, back in the day when I was but a young sprout was walking around, it was a old time ago when the gods walked among us. That's right. You've probably heard of the nine gods.
It used to be they'd walk around just like any of us, toddling around, saying things. Sage would often come here and preach on wisdom, say things like, we need to live a balanced life, or we need to take care of nature as it takes care of us, or beer before liquor, never sicker. You know, things like that. It's a wisdom that, it's good to have. And, well, as you know, as the history tends to go, the gods eventually left.
But this place remained. Remained for a long time. Used to be a temple here, but, you know, once Sage's relic was taken, it, sort of crumbled down. I'm just the caretaker, you see. I'm not here to defend it. I take care of it. You know? I dust off the dust. I leaf off the leaves. I bug the bugs away, and I stick the sticks up my ass so that they aren't littering all over the dais. You understand? Does that make sense to all of you? Yeah. Alright. Percival. Yeah. That's my name.
Great. I love what you've done with the place.
Of course. Do
a great job of it. Who is Sage?
I'm sorry. Wait a minute.
Hang on. Think Sage is one of the nine gods. Do you not know who the nine gods understood.
Thank you, tall, dark, and titanium.
I remember, like, roughly in, like, primary school with
sage. My.
Yeah. Sage is one of the died gods, Kathy.
Yeah. Well, you'll tell one of these kids you're telling me they don't teach you about the gods. I'm guessing they don't what?
I didn't go to school. I don't know. You didn't have the rest of the books.
They did, but it was one of the classes that is easily skippable.
Next thing you're gonna tell me is they didn't even teach you about the great seep.
The what? The what? You don't
know about the great seep? Oh, Well, I'm certainly not going to tell you. You need to do a bit of your own investigative research, it seems. Put a little gum on your shoes and walk around and try and figure out your own questions. Why don't you? Gracious. By the night, by sage's ballsack. This is terrible. You three have disappointed me greatly. Oh, no.
Well, have you happened to be disappointed by a blue man with horns lately?
Blue man with horns? I can't say well, I've met a lot of people in my day.
Have you met anyone in the past two days?
Well, see, that's the problem. The time doesn't really mean much to me anymore because I've been here for so long that, you know, to me, this has been so fast. This has been a whirlwind. Not a lot happens. You see? I don't really know what time what a year feels like anymore. So tough. But I'm sure sometime in my history, I have seen a man with horns who is also blue. However, I cannot, for any certainty, say I've seen one recently.
Wait. Is this a trap too? Is this a time loop that we are stuck in?
You're right. This is a time loop. He spins around, and you're standing on the edge of the dias, and he's standing on the altar and says, what are you three doing here? How'd you get here?
Oh. What? Oh, no. Oh. Oh, crap.
I'm just kidding. It's not a time loop. I'm just messing up.
Oh, no.
Don't worry, goat hands. It's fine.
Goat hands. She has very sensitive. You really have to be careful with
them. Goat hands?
Yeah. You got goat hands.
I don't have goat hands. I
have fun hands. Sure. You do. Haven't you seen a goat? You know what its hands look like? I do. That's what your feet look like. You got goat hands to feet.
Those are my feet. No. My hands.
Yeah. They look like goat hands.
Oh, god.
Don't you worry a little bean about it.
I'm worrying more than a bean about it. Well
Alright.
Help us or not.
Well
This is starting to seem like a dead end, Kathy.
I I think it's a trap.
Oh, you can't have a little fun these days with the uneducated types. So you three don't know the name of the nine gods, and you don't know what the great seep is. Alright. Well, I guess I'm gonna for
a blue man with horns. That's the only reason we're here.
With horns. But listen. If you're here, that means very specifically that destiny has concentrated itself around the threads of fate that surround your being. Alright? That was
a lot of prepositions, and I don't know if I'm following.
Listen. Oh, well, maybe if you spoke less and listened more, you know, the gods gave you two ears and one now.
Actually, I have auditory sensors. I don't know.
Oh my goodness. You know what audio sensors are, but you don't know what the great seep is. I swear. Next thing is you're gonna tell me that you understand the laws of momentum.
I do understand the laws of momentum.
Oh, do you now? Mhmm.
And I will pick up
I'll pick up the gnome Oh. And I'll say applying a force to
an object creates momentum, and I'll just toss him.
He, hits a tree, and he Ah. Spread eagle on it and then falls down. Oh. And then a branch falls from the tree and lands on it.
Oh, no.
And it's a big oof. Wow. That was fun. Oh. So alright. He brushes himself off and sits back on a diocese. Alright. All of that to say is that there are certain individuals during times of crisis let me let me put it in words. So you know how sometimes the monsters get a little worse around here, animals seem vital, people start getting blood hungry, wars happen, people kill each other. You know, that happens every so often.
Well, during these times of crisis, certain individuals are, you know, I've come to not like the word chosen, so I'm not gonna say chosen because it's really not chosen. Because some people don't even know what's happened. But I'm going to say that certain individuals are bound by the laws of fate together due to the, we'll say, lingering deific powers that still exist within the world today. Alright? None so more so than the great relics of the nine.
Right? So, you know, these individuals that seem to be such as yourselves have a couple benefits with this. They often find themselves in the middle of thing crazy things happening. Right? First and foremost, you know, you tend to grow up more powerful at a quicker rate. You know? You know? If I was to use a word for it, perhaps leveling up happens a little quicker for them than normal people. Perhaps they can survive worse or blows. You know?
But, you know, what it all stems from, really, a lot of people don't know this, but, you know, I'm here to teach you something. And what I'm gonna teach you is this, that, back when the gods were walking around, they actually had servants that would follow them around. They would act as their confidantes, their silly rabbits, their muses, their steeds, and, they were known as dodos, the very dodos themselves.
Wait. Really?
Yes. Dodos? Yes. Dodos. They were very brave. A lot of people don't know this. The issue is, though, they were very populous back in the day, especially up north. However, once the gods left, you know, the dodos' whole purpose kinda left with them. So they just sort of began existing instead of living. And so, you know, eventually they sort of just went extinct because what purpose did they have?
But their spirit does live on, you know, like I said, certain individuals find the tides of fate, grow strong around them. And, you know, those individuals, we often call them dodo born. Booyah. Cue the music. Hit the music button. That's right. Cue the music. There we go. That's right. You all thought that there would be made up words that didn't mean anything, that we were just sitting around, and we just came up with this word out of nowhere.
But, no, there was a plan the whole time, you people. Don't ever doubt the power of stories. That's right. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. It five steps ahead of you.
Oh my god.
I actually can't fucking believe that you made I I don't I never saw a comedy. I truly, like
Yeah. I'm sorry, Kai. I
didn't think
that there
was ever gonna be a real meeting out. That was actually incredible. Absolutely. Now we're gonna yeah. I'm glad. Yes. And I think that's where it's a good place to end our session today, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in to DodoBorne! You know, before we go, I just wanna thank Darrington Press for being so wonderful in creating this game. We love it so much. And, you know, as they say in Voldain, squawk you later. Squawk. Squawk. Hey, It's a podcast.