¶ Should Married Couples Combine Finances?
What's good everyone . This is Dr Nii Yo . This is the second part of episode 428 . In this episode , we're going to be talking about finances and should professionals , specifically doctors , should we be putting our money together for whatever reason it may be ? So real , quick story me and Renee when we got married , I was gung-ho separate finances .
Renee was gung-ho put our money together and see what we can do . Straight to the point . I was wrong . She was right , as always , helped us with so many things , not only making our relationship stronger , but also helped us pay off almost $700,000 in student loan debt much quicker .
In this episode we're going to dive into why we made that decision kind of some of the ebbs and flow of how we finally decided to make that decision and then we're going to get into specifically why you all should combine your finances and then some reasons why people just don't want to do it .
This is all based off of an op-ed article put out by the prudent let me make sure I get this right the prudent plastic surgeon , dr Jordan Frey , and the name of his article was do physician couples need to share prudent ?
Let me make sure I get this right the prudent plastic surgeon , dr jordan fray and the name of his article was do physician couples need to share finances ? Right , and he gets into why and all this stuff . But you're going to hear I'll take on it . So without further ado , let's jump right into it .
Um , there was an article that came out by the prudent physician I forget his name , I think it's the prude , I think it's the plastic surgeon , I can't remember , but it was in my doximity thing and it said do physician couples need to share finances ? Right ? It's an article here , alfred , I'll give you the link so you can put it up and stuff .
But once again it's do physician couples need to share finances ? A very interesting take on . You know , people in long-term relationships , should they share finances ? And he initially talks about how he and his wife combined their finances and it made a lot of sense to them , right ?
He thinks would be beneficial in your relationship with someone else if you decided to merge money is your relationship , your finances , taxes and I'm not going to read the whole thing here and stuff , but those are the three areas that he talks about . We'll put the link in the show notes . But basically , combining finances can simplify managing household expenses .
Physician couples may face challenges such as differing spending habits , and it allows you to communicate better when you put your money together . So effective communication and financial planning are crucial to address the issue , and it's important to have a really tailored financial plan .
So , without going into too much specifics and reviewing this article because people can read it for themselves , let's jump into what we do , right . Let's talk about what we do on the show , right . So , basically , what we do is it's my money , right .
And I need it now , whatever it's called JG Wentworth 877-CASH-NO .
Who's the Viking ? Who's the Viking in that ?
I don't know .
What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine . Not necessarily , but we put a lot of money together . Yeah , whatever Renee makes is our money . Whatever I make is our money . We put our money together . We basically have . There's nothing separate in terms of our finances at all . There's nothing separate in terms of our finances at all . There's nothing .
I was raised in a household where I initially thought that my parents were the same way , where they had like everything together . But I think actually I found out my parents have separate accounts for like small personal things , but the major they had a joint account for major things , stuff like that I don't know about your parents , and so forth .
Everything's together .
Everything's together .
Oh , it's always been like that , always been like that Everything's together , there's no separate accounts .
So I tried to get a prenup from you , but you wasn't trying to go from that . And then you didn't have anything me that doesn't mean that I had nothing you had just because I didn't have anything doesn't mean I can't try to still get a prenup .
You do know that right like what were you protecting me it ?
doesn't mean that I still could not get a prenup . I don't understand where you're going with this . I acknowledge that point . I acknowledge that I have not much money .
I'm just saying that I still was asking for a prenup , but you were in the negative Hundreds of thousands of dollars .
Exactly , I was a G less than you . I was a G in the negative less than you were .
Oh my God , so you didn't want me to jack you for that , Guys before we get it .
Listen , hey . So we put all our money together . Initially I was kind of I wasn't all the way into it . How ?
about you . You wanted to put all the money together in the beginning .
Yeah , why ? Cause my mommy and daddy did it . No , I went to jack you for your paper ?
No , cause my mommy and daddy did it . Why ? No , that's not why there's a jackie for your paper .
No , because my mommy and daddy did it . Why ? No , that's not why there's a lot of things you do because your mom and dad does I mean , but a lot of people do that . So I don't , anyway , I don't um .
So I think part the main reason that I wanted to put our money together is because the way that I view you know , the way that I view family when you're you know two people who are building a family is that you've got to be moving in the same direction , right ?
And if you don't know what is going on with one another , how can you ever be sure that you're ever moving in the same direction , right ? So I used to say this a lot , you know , especially when we started doing like the keeping up with the darkos and stuff like that , especially talking about retirement .
You know , if your finances are very , very separate and you don't know exactly what's going on with each other's finances because they're just that separate , you do you , I do me . When you go to retire , retire , how do you plan on retire ?
Because if you're not planning to be together , then you're planning to be apart , like that's the only way that I can see it , right so should you ?
so should you ? Should you marry someone that ? Or can you be in love with someone and have a fruitful relationship with someone who you don't agree with financially ?
yes , you can okay , but I don't , I don't necessarily know that a marriage with that person will work . So I actually so one of my mentors I have many mentors , but one of my mentors has been in a relationship with someone for , I want to say , at least 20 years , at least 20 years , and I'm always like when are you going to marry this woman ?
When are you going to marry this woman ?
I know who you're talking about .
I know , you know who I'm talking about . So one day I asked him that question again . I was like , I counted up the years . I'm like so you guys just don't want to get married or whatever .
If we want a salacious show , we need to start saying who these people are .
No , you don't need to do that Nii .
Anyway , you was about to , in the beginning of the show , you was about to share all this shit about us and stuff . No , I wasn't .
Anyway . So I asked him the question and finally he said I would like to get married . He said I absolutely would have liked to have gotten married . He said the problem is that we're not financially compatible .
And he's like I just don't want to have to deal with our relationship going downhill because our finances , the way that we view money , is not compatible and I was like you know what .
That makes a lot of sense .
No , I mean they have a meaningful relationship .
But what's going to happen is that in a marriage right , if you combine forces in a marriage with somebody right , and you combine forces but you don't combine finances , or you both see finances a little bit differently , then that person's life , how they live , can seriously impact your life , whether negatively or positively .
All right . So what about the people who , once you're married to them , I got you ? You don't think so ? I don't like how mature you're getting about this stuff . That drives me nuts .
So what do you want me to say ? Oh , you should . Let's do the half and half . Let's do the half and half discussion that's going on on social media right now .
Hold on , hold on , slow your roll , because there's a lot of married couples including some people who listen to this show who do half and half and they've been married for a long period of time . I know they do . So all I'm saying is this what about those people ?
¶ Financial Planning in Relationships
Let's say , for example , you have a woman in a relationship , you date a woman .
She's amazing , she's great , she's like listen , I grew up in a situation where my mom got screwed by my dad , right , and my mom had to take like three or four jobs and the number one thing that I learned is that I got to have my money no matter what , because a man can up and leave you no matter what .
So if you love me , listen , we're going to build this family together . We can have kids together , I'll cook clean , I'll be a doctor and do all this stuff . I'll be superwoman all those things .
Why she got to cook clean , though why she got to cook clean , I cook clean .
She'll cook clean , cut Right . Cook clean , cut Right . She'll do all the things Right . Yeah , she'll do all the things that you know that you would expect traditionally for a partner to do .
Oh , so she's in the traditional role .
I said traditionally what you'd expect a partner to do . That's all I said . See , look at you . You think you're smarter than me . Everybody thinks they're smarter than me . Traditionally , what do you expect a partner ? Right , because you know the way how we look at marriage . Right ?
Marriage is a very traditional thing , right , and there's some people who want to pick and choose what is traditional versus what's not traditional , right ?
Anyway , that's not the point .
Because you know , I got you on that one though . Right , right , but I can't do anything . I gotta be in in a single relationship , right , but you could decide which last name come on . So anyway , let's move on . Um , so , so , yeah . So what ?
What happens in a situation where you have two people who want to create a life together , but , because of their previous experience or just in general , they just are like , look like I need something to protect myself . To make sure , yo , I got this stash on the side so that if you decide to do your thing , the kudarun you know what I'm saying .
I can be out , I can leave and I can land safely , because you know for example here's an example right there was several years where you were working significantly less because you were taking care of the kids .
Right , and during that time , when I was working primarily the majority of the time , I would make sure that they take the amount of money that I was bringing into our business .
I made sure that they split it in half so that you will continue to get an income Henceforth , you will continue to get a retirement , you would be able to be eligible to put a significant amount in your retirement so that it wouldn't just stop for several years , because that's the biggest thing that women , particularly women who are working that's where they really
fall back is . Once they have children and they're no longer in the working field , their 401ks stay stagnant and then trying to get back in the job market can be difficult . But then trying to get back into a job market that can also help them elevate their 401ks is another difficult thing , right ?
but I was really adamant . I think even uh , what's the name ? Even their medicare right , because their contributions social security , medicare even or sorry , to social security , um even stop right so it's like yo .
So I was really adamant that , like , like you , like , for every like for the dollar that I make , you only get 20 right , 20 cents right so , but that's important to me I wanted to make sure that you were getting equal , because you never know what would happen , right , like you like , if something were to happen and I don't plan on it , like you're gonna be
taking care of my kids , I don't feel like paying you nothing . I got to make sure that you have stuff saved up .
Paying you no money right , so you do your own savings .
So I'm joking , but you know what I'm getting with this right . So what do you say about that ? What do you say about that ? Women who do that ?
But so I don't even know what your question is anymore .
So my question is around and around . My question is let's be in a relationship . I want to have children with you . I want to have a , I want to be married , but I just got to have my separate . We have to have our accounts separate .
So okay , so what you ? So that question of you do your thing , I do my thing . So that question of you do your thing , I do my thing , and what you described about what we do and how we did it when I primarily you know when money , so that my salary continued to go , is not something that would happen in a you do your thing and I do my thing .
Right , so that's and you didn't .
And , for the record , you didn't ask me to do that . You didn't know .
I didn't ask , I didn't ask you to do that .
Right , you didn't know I was doing that . Can I get props for ?
that . No , you can't get props because that's what you're supposed to do . So , no , like doing your thing and doing the other person doing their thing .
Honestly , if something does happen and your spouse is out of work , then yeah , I mean your spouse is now kind of asked out and you know it's like well , you know you're doing your thing , I'm doing my thing , you ain't got no job . How does that help your family ? But what if they ?
do joint . Some people do joint right where they have a joint where you pay half , I pay half the bills and all those different things I put in half or I put in a third and what have you ? So you are technically building , you are contributing together for future .
You might be , but not necessarily , not necessarily .
For example , if you're at a job , right future , you might be , just it's just that , not necessarily , not necessarily because right when you have an , for example , if you're at a job right , if you're at a job , you're at a job and I'm at my job , right , like what you decide to put into your 401k .
Technically , I don't need to know how much you put into your 401k correct right , like you could decide you want to put 10 of your salary in there I can say I'm putting like zero or zero and I'm putting in 40 . Right , that's can happen for a couple that puts their money together . They just don't talk about it .
I'm telling you I'm sure this happens all the time , right where couples , you know you do your thing , I do my thing . I'm putting you know I'm I'm maxing out my 401k every single year . The other person's not maxing out . It doesn't even have a 401k , it doesn't have an IRA , it doesn't have anything .
I'm like that person who doesn't have anything is planning to work until the day that they die . The person who is planning for retirement is not planning to work until the day that they die . So now , when retirement age comes and you say , hey , honey , I'd like to take a trip , you know , for so many weeks around the world , or whatever , who's going on ?
this trip . I am Because somebody got to go to work .
I am yeah .
Somebody got to go to work . So if you're not planning together , then what you're doing is planning to be apart .
Because if this person is planning on retiring and you are not planning on retiring , or you planning on retiring , but you just don't really know how it's going to happen because you didn't you know , y'all never really talked about finances outside of what bills need to be paid then what you have is a financial roommate you do not have a financial partner .
so should we be more mature ? Should we be more ? More mature and put a disclaimer on this , is if you have two mature consenting adults in this , well , hold on , because you could be married to someone and they could be completely horrible with money , right , and you have to keep money on the sides and stuff . So you're saying you should get a divorce .
No , I'm not saying you should get a divorce . I'm not saying you divorce this person because what I'm not saying you divorce this person because ?
What I'm saying is that it's going to pose a problem at some point in your relationship , when either you have some sort of financial strife one or both of you have financial strife or when it comes to the point of retirement . And you can't do that , like you know
¶ Financial Transparency in Marriage
. If , if your spouse gets sick for any reason and loses their job and now you have to be the one to take care of them and you don't actually know what's going on with them financially , then how are you handling this ? Because you know , you know , you didn't know . Honey over here got six credit cards that they just maxing out all the time .
Honey over here got a loan that they just , you know , not paying on . And next you know , oh , let's go get a house . We can't get a house because obviously this person's credit is messed up .
Okay , so I'm paying . I'm playing devil's advocate . I agree with you , right ? You right because , um , so I was talking to some of the pas at my job . They're younger and they're getting married and or they're thinking about getting married and we're talking about finances , and I just found it odd that the majority of them want to get married so early .
Right , they don't have kids yet , they want to get married so early , but that yet they still want to hold on to things of yeah , my money is my money , this person's money is their money , so how are you going to pay the bills ? Well , what we'll do is we'll do this calculation where , every month , they have to cash at me .
Seriously , one person was doing this the person has to cash at me like a third of this to pay for the bills in the house .
And if , like you know so , we want to put this furniture and you know so , technically I really want , like you know , crown molding , so I'm going to put in like two thirds and I'm like , whoa , this is crazy , this is crazy , and I recently just found out that they listened to the show .
I love you guys , but yeah , we talking about y'all got roommates and you know , but they , they , they all change , but they , they all change and they also that .
So when we got into the nitty gritty of things , I was like saying like , so you're going to have like a side staff so that , like , like you can like you have like a couple of stacks in there and they're like no , I mean like I want to be able to like if I want to go like to the salon or if I want to be able to buy like a nice you know pair
to the salon , or if I want to be able to buy like a nice you know pair of . I was like oh , so you're talking about like a , what do you call it ?
You're talking about like a , um , a little slush fund and stuff , right , like if you want to go to Wendy's or if you want to buy Jordans or if you want to , um , buy something nice for your spouse or if you want to spoil yourself or something like that , just little things here and there . So once we clarify that , I think they understand that concept .
You can have a separate little slush account .
That the other person is aware , I'm not against having a little slush , because I do , I do . Anyway , no , you don't .
Yes , I do , you just don't know the password .
Okay , whatever . So I'm not against having a little slush account or whatever . So I'm not against having a little flush account , or whatever my thing is . I am against not knowing that this account exists . I'm against not knowing what's this .
You know what is in this account , like why , like what are you hiding that you don't want your spouse to know about this thing ?
they're not hiding it's really they're not hiding it a lot of people do hide .
A lot of women especially do you guys , here we go , here we go , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , there you go , tell yourself , tell yourself , tell yourself , go ahead we know that a lot of women do hide , right , because certain women have grown up , you know , in some vulnerable positions unfortunately , kind of like what you just mentioned , right where it ,
where it's like well , my dad screwed my mom over , you know , she didn't have a dime to her name , he took everything and X , y and Z . So I understand where that sentiment comes from . I understand where that sentiment comes from , that , right , like , I didn't see that with my parents .
For me , it doesn't make sense that you would ever marry somebody who you are afraid would actually take that level of advantage of you , such that you didn't know , you know , you didn't know where any of your money was , and the fact that you would be so little involved in your own family's finances that you didn't know that this was happening right .
So and that's not to say that that doesn't happen it does , it does , and for several different reasons . It can be education , it could be authoritative issues , it could be a lot of different reasons that it happens . I'm just saying I just don't necessarily think that that's the healthiest way to go about being in a marriage financially .
¶ Financial Involvement in Relationships
So for the record , for us , guys .
So for the record , renee , like you don't know every decision that I make financially for us , though Right . Like you don't know , Hold on , hold on . Let me finish . You don't know the decisions that I make with the CPA , right .
No , no , you don't know , not every one you don't know , right , you don't see the receipts , you don't see the statements , you don't see what's redacted , right , you see what I see , what I show you , right Redacted , right Redacted , yes , but the point of the matter is you don't know , you don't know , you don't know .
You have a 30,000 foot view of how our tax situation is , 30,000 foot view of how our retirement and our benefit situation is .
No , I have more than a 30,000 foot view of that .
Okay , I think you're potting , you don't know .
I do know , I do know .
How do you know ? You know what let's pot ? How do you know ? How do you know that Guys I'm bringing y'all , we letting y'all in . Nah , how you know ? Tell me how you know . So first of all , you'd be checking my emails .
First of all , every email that the financial advisor sends to you . She sends to me , and if you think I'm not looking at them emails , you are wrong . Okay .
That's number one . But you see , when I reply to her I don't hit reply all . Anyway number two . I don't . I don't hit reply all . Number two Some things get lost in translation system , right ?
Anyway number two when we have phone calls . I'm usually on the phone calls . I don't make every single phone call .
Yo man , for real , I'm trying to tell you we should be sharing too much Like why you got to tell my wife this . You can keep that conversation between me and you Damn shut up . So this is how much you guys are going to put in as a couple .
Like I was trying to skim off 10 off the top and shit . Anyway , keep going anyway . So that's how , that's how I know and that's how I'm involved . But I think that if you , you know , if you're in a relationship where you are afraid to talk about money or you're a person who kind of avoids , you know , finances and financial talks .
Wait , hold on . Let's stay on that topic , though for a whole long .
What , what topic ?
You do read the emails , right , you do read the emails , but there's a lot , even before we even get to the emails , there's still decisions that are made before you even get to that point . A lot of times those emails are results . Excuse me , those emails are summaries of what have already happened during the year and stuff , right .
So , just so people understand like we have to keep it a buck with people , right ? Like it's not like every decision that I make , I'm telling you like we're making this decision unless it's major , major , right .
Like hey , I'm buying like two Teslas and stuff like that , which I would never do , right , but like what I'm just saying is like there's a lot of decisions that are made financially that you're not privy to until the end .
Correct , but there's also before we get . Before we get to that point , right , there's always a strategy , right . So there's a strategy . And then there's the decision that's made based on the strategy , right . So , for example , the strategy would be we're going to max out our 401ks , yes , yes , right , like . So that's the strategy .
So now the actual money has to then be moved Right . Or when you come to me and you say , you know , I think , I think we need to give ourselves a raise , right , and I say , okay , yeah , yeah , let's go ahead and give ourselves a raise , right .
So I may not necessarily know the dollar amount until the end , right , because you work out those details with our financial advisor . But the overall strategy yeah , I know , I know that , yes , we're going to get a raise and we're going to get more money into our salaries or would it be ?
it would there be ? Would there be a mountain decrease ? Would there be amount that you disagree with ? Would there be an amount that you disagree with , like , for example , would you be like oh , hold up , how come you gave yourself a 50 increase and you only gave me like a dollar ?
first of all , you would not do that because you know that would be your neck oh , just so you know .
Just so you know , there was a discussion . To what do you call it ? To not give you a salary because financially it made sense . So that was a discussion .
I was privy to that discussion , though , right , I was privy to that discussion didn't necessarily go in that direction to not give me a salary at all we knew that it was going to , it was going to impact quite a number of other things , right . So even my disability insurance . Even like so , it was going to impact quite a number of things , right ?
So I was privy to that discussion . That's the thing . Like I don't necessarily need to sit down and nickel and dime every single . You know , I don't have to look at every single number , but I do need to know the overall and I need to know some of the details .
But I don't need to be like , oh well , you didn't carry the one over here , so you know X , y and Z All right .
So tell them how we handle our finances . Tell them how we handle our finances Because I think we can , before we get too academic with everybody . How do we handle our finances on a monthly basis ?
So on a monthly basis we make a budget . Right , you have taken over doing the budget . We did the budget together for quite a number of years , right .
And then I was like I got this .
Right . So after you know , after we did the budget together for quite a number of years , did the budget together for quite a number of years , now you go and you take care of the budget . I still have access to the budget .
So if I want to go in and I want to see X , y and Z , I can go in and look at the budget and be like , ah , you know , I think we should move this here , I think we should move this there . We can have that discussion , right ? Oftentimes , if you are going to change something in the budget , then you come to me and you go .
You know what I think we should . You know , nix this for a certain amount of time . Right ? So we did make that decision at one point to nix something that we thought we would always contribute to .
But we said you know what , for a certain amount of time , we're not going to contribute to this particular fund because we have other priorities , and then we'll come back and we'll start contributing to this fund in a few months . Right ? So before that decision was made though right before that decision was made , that was a discussion that we had .
So now I know that if I see this fund and the funds , have you know , have not been contributed to over a certain amount of time . I don't have to be like , oh , what happened ? I ?
know what happened . Do you have the password for every ?
account . Yes , I do .
No , you don't .
Yes , I do .
No , you don't . You don't have the password for every financial account that we have . All I'm just saying is that you usually try to front . Like this is like , like this is everything is perfect .
I didn't say everything was perfect . That's not what I said . I didn't say everything was perfect . What I'm saying is that you have to be involved , right , you've got to be involved enough . If I don't have the passwords to every single thing , what I do have is access right to our financial advisors with the platform .
I mean you ain't got access to that .
Okay , Anyway , so yeah , I do .
Okay , she must have sent you a password on the side and I need to talk to her about that .
So anyway , anywho , well , I think , anywho , well , I think
¶ The Benefits of Combining Finances
go ahead .
But I I'll be honest with you . I'll tell you guys straight up , I think that it's better to put the money together , because I think two incomes are better than one . I think that two heads are better than one when you're trying to tackle , when you want to tackle , when you want to tackle certain things . So we had a whole bunch of student loan debt .
I think that we would have been in a way different position if we took the mantra of Renee you handle your debt and then I'll handle my debt and then we'll meet in the middle somewhere .
I think we would not be able to accomplish half of the things that we've been able to accomplish , ie becoming locums by ourselves , ie going on as many mission trips as we want to , ie , you know , being able to not create any more debt while doing IVF , starting a podcast , all of these different things would look completely different if we didn't combine our
money and then be able to attack certain problems together . I'll be straight up , honest with y'all , right ? So I think that's the number one goal , or the number one benefit of putting two incomes , sharing an account together , is that ability to literally put two heads and tackle the solution . I think that's number one .
I think the second thing also is there's just certain things that you're really good at and there's things that I'm really good at , right , and although and although , um , I think , like money is a very what's the best way I can describe money is something that is very personal , um , it's something that , um , like , look like you always say , like , if you can
have children with someone but you can't share your account , well , what are we talking about here ? This , this doesn't make sense .
I'm saying I'm sharing half my DNA with you , but I'm Wait what .
But I do think that , in essence , you trust the decisions . You may not know everything , but you trust the decisions that I make will be in favor of me and you first and overall of the family and stuff , and vice versa .
There's certain things that you do that I'm like all right , well , I don't need to know everything , but like I just know that she got my back and stuff like that , you know you're not gonna poison in the food , right ?
so I might put some cat and dog in there , but no , but guys , renee makes financial decisions that I just don't know privy about , right , like we got something , a major thing going on right now that I'm just like look , renee , you just gonna have to handle that . Hang up that phone , right .
We'll talk about that later but yeah , we will talk about that in the business she runs the . She runs docs outside the box , guys even even in , even in those major decisions , though , right , like this thing that we have going on right now , even in that right , like nothing happens until we both are on the same page , right .
So I might be leading the discussions , I might be , you know , getting the ball rolling and I might be making the concessions and provisions and stuff like that . I might be making the concessions and provisions and stuff like that , but nothing happens until we're both on the same page . So it's important to have those discussions , you know , and that . That .
That's . That's kind of what I'm trying to say .
I'm not trying to say , like you got to sit down and you got to , you know , maybe in the beginning , like we did , right , you sit down and you nickel and dime and you try to figure out what's going on , and I think that's helped us to be on the same page so that we get to the point where we can make certain , you know , we can kind of distribute , um
, some of the responsibilities , um , but I think never putting your resources together . I'm just like for me .
I feel like that would be living with a roommate all right gotcha , but we gotta , we can't be , we can't lie like we kind of walked into an ideal situation , right like you ain't got no money , I ain't had no money , like people do that .
People do that all the time . They ain't got no money but there wasn't .
There's not a major , there's not a major difference in our salaries . Right , like , maybe just a little bit all
¶ Navigating Financial Disparities in Marriage
the time , though . But what about me ? Hold on , hold on , hold on . Can you entertain my thought for a quick second ? Well , what happens when one person makes way more than the other person ?
Right , let's say , somebody's like in , like the triple , someone is like in the six digit realm or close to the seven , seven digit realm , and they're dating someone who's still in the five digit realm ? Right , like , how do you budget then ? Whose money is who , when there's a clear difference Right , there's a clear difference . What happens then ?
Sis , talk to me about that . What do you got to ? say so let me see you act , all mature then , when you BS , when you potting .
Right . So for me that's kind of the same situation that you just mentioned about . Well , what if ?
like a neurosurgeon is dating . Is dating a pediatrician ? What do you do then ? Why you gotta some of our good friends are pediatricians . But you know , come on , stop . Y'all know that medicaid that chip money , oh my god , go ahead , y'all go ahead anyway . But I think we know , we know er docs and pediatricians that are married . What happens there ?
Go ahead , move on .
So I think it's kind of like what you said about what happens , for example , when you have , let's say , in a traditional role , let's say the wife decides to stay home with the kids until the kids are in eighth grade or finish high school and they're not making any income at all .
Right , even somebody who makes a five figure salary now is compared to a person who's making zero . It's this , for me , it's the same thing . It's like what are you doing to advance your family ? You decided to marry this person not because of you know , I wanted to have financial strife .
That's not why you you didn't marry a person so that you could figure out how you could fight financially . It's not why you you didn't marry a person so that you could figure out how you could fight financially . It's not why you got married . You got married because you love the person .
You want to build together with the person , I'm assuming and you want your family to be on proper footing . Right , you want to advance your family name .
You stay for me . I disagree with you on that point . I disagree on your point , but that's not necessarily obvious to a lot of people .
I disagree with you on that point . I disagree on your point , though , but that's not necessarily obvious to a lot of people . I disagree with you . You can disagree with me .
I'll tell you why I disagree with you , because when you usually when someone decides to take time off , that is a two people make that decision Like yeah , you're going to take time off so you can focus on the kids .
I'll just keep working .
Nope , you being naive that's not how it goes that's not true .
That's not true . That's not always .
No , that is okay but when you compare that , looking at someone who's . But when you look at it compared to someone saying , hey , like I'm bringing in 50 000 , I'm bringing in 50 stacks , and I'm gonna be marrying a woman who's bringing in seven stacks , or seven , seven figures , so , like , does this even make sense to split ?
Like this person says , hey , I want to get , like this five hundred thousand dollar house . We can afford it , but who's gonna be paying for most of it though ?
but that's what I'm saying . If you do , you do your thing and you do my thing , that's the discussion you're gonna have . Who's gonna be who's gonna be paying it ? Because if you say , um , you do my thing , that's the discussion you're going to have . Who's going to be paying it ? Because if you say , you do your thing , I do my thing , we can't afford it .
I can't afford it . No , no , I can't afford it .
You can't afford it , we total can afford it , but you majority are going to be putting money in . So now you have a power dynamic . Now you have a power dynamic that you haven't really thought about because , in essence , this person is putting in more towards this house that maybe you could not get on your own .
But now that you're with this person , you can get it . Do you see what I'm saying ? So now it's like how do you , how do you right ? There's power dynamics that you just don't . Come on , renee , stop doing that .
Listen , I understand that I'm telling you from my .
You see the chair that you're sitting on . I pay for that chair that you're sitting in , the orange one you got the gray one , and who picked the chairs ? I did .
No , you didn't . I found this chair for you . Stop playing , Stop playing Okay go ahead .
I found these chairs . Make your point .
Make your point . I thought you were going to go get it Make your point . Anyway , my point is that when you decide to get married , in my point of view you work as a unit .
You work as a unit , so take me through this conversation .
You work as a unit .
It's kind of like no , I'm going to pin you to this one point , I'm going to make you pot . No , no , no , we're sticking on it . We're sticking on the example of the house .
Stick on the example of the house okay , but if you would just zip it , I can't . I'm the host , oh wait I'm the host . I can't go ahead it . So , for example , right , it's like if you have a department and everybody in the department is you know your surgery department , did we say we're talking about houses .
We are talking about houses , me , if everybody in the surgery department is working right and you're all contributing to whatever , you can't be like . Well , you know my , my portion of you know , of the of the patients that I see that money should go towards this and this . You're working as a department . This is the same thing .
If you marry , you are working as a unit , you combine as one , as a unit , and so for me , it's like it doesn't matter who's contributing what . What matters is are you moving as a unit ?
Now , if you want to , you know , compete , as you know , as a surgery department with the OBGYN department , then you can certainly be competitors but you should not be competing . You should not be , oh , my Lord you should not be competing with your spouse . Your spouse is not on a different team .
You are making Renee . You see a couple one couple makes 55 grand , the other couple , the other person , makes $3 million . Now they have to decide what kind of house are they going to get . Three million dollars ? Now they have to decide what kind of house that are going to get . What kind of house are they going to get ? Right ?
One person says hey , I think we should move into this neighborhood where the houses are , on average , eight hundred thousand dollars together . Their combined income can afford that . The other person is , like well , I want to live in , you know , I want to . Like . What's the other person gonna say ?
I want to live in this place where the the average house costs a hundred thousand dollars .
Right , like you're talking about a situation in which one person does one thing and the other person does their own thing . That's the discussion . No , what I'm saying no .
What I'm saying is , together they can afford a more expensive house . Right , and let's say , this side , we're working as a unit . There's always going to be that thing of listen , bro , like I'm putting in 75 towards this house . I want this , this , this , this , this this this this , this , this , this , this , Again , we're still moving as a unit .
But just know that I mean based off of how much I'm putting into this mortgage and what you're putting into this mortgage , just based off the percentages . You don't think that there's always that little underlying thing , you don't think so .
Uh-uh the case , right then . There's always going to be this separation of you . Basically are making this and you are making that . That means that that couple doesn't see it as we are making this much . That's what I'm saying to you .
The fact that that could be a part of the discussion . That's why I made it such a big disparity , so that it's outright in front of you . When you're both making $100,000 , it's like that's not that big of a difference , Like they're not going to have that conversation , right . But when you're making like , what do you do in that situation ?
What's your advice there , Dr Love ?
Anyway , this is not about love , this is about finances .
I'm not . This is not about love .
This is about finances . I think still , in that case , it should be a we , because if somebody with $3 million you know , $3 million a year decides to marry somebody who's making $50,000 a year , I don't know what that person was expecting .
I really don't , because if you really want to be talking about , oh , this is how much money I put towards this and this is how much money I put towards that , then maybe you shouldn't be marrying somebody who makes $50,000 a year . Maybe that's not the person . There is such thing as not being financially compatible .
There is such thing so much of not being financially compatible that , yes , it would justify not marrying that person .
So could you not be financially compatible just based on the fact that someone makes more than you ? You save a lot . You save the same amount . You don't spend a lot of money , it's just that you just make stacks on , stacks , on stacks on stack compared to the other person . Could that be just the ? So it's not just and we got to wrap this up .
We got to wrap this up because we're going to split this episode in two girl .
It's not just based on your financial behaviors that would make you financially compatible , it's also your outlook on finances , right ?
If you are like what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours , even though you two might have the same types of behaviors , right , you might have the same types of behaviors , but you still see it as you do your thing and I'll do my thing , you still may not be financially compatible .
You still might not be , because how are you ever moving as a for me , I just somebody write in and explain to me if y'all are doing you do your thing , I do my thing , and you know you cash at me , you know , to be able to pay the bills . Somebody explain to me how that .
You know how that resembles in any way , shape or form a marriage in comparison to a roommate situation , except that y'all are sleeping together . You might as well just stay boyfriend-girlfriend .
All right , y'all . I want y'all to click on the fan mail or text us and let us know who was really telling the truth versus who was potting . We already know Renee was potting , she was BSing . She's not telling . Y'all the real , the real . I tell you guys the real , the real . I tell you guys the real real .
I tell you they're going to have to tune in for another episode for that , because we done Y'all . I appreciate y'all tuning in to another episode . I appreciate y'all tuning in to another episode of Docs Outside the Box . This is a great episode actually , renee , this is a really good episode because people get to really see how you roll .
You know what I'm saying .
What does that even mean ?
It may change their view of you actually .
It might , but you know how I think .
You know how .
I feel about what people care , what people think about me .
All right , y'all , we love y'all . We'll catch you guys on another episode of Docs Outside the Box . Y'all Peace .
Deuces , put your money together .