¶ Listener Update: Boston Job Search
All right guys . Last segment was about a resident whose attending was under the influence of melatonin and Lunesta and we gave a little bit of advice about what to do about that . But , upcoming , in this segment we're going to be talking about Dr Ne .
Well , we're going to be talking about what we're going to be talking about me , well , we're going to be talking about .
So last episode or two episodes ago we talked , we answered a question from a family medicine resident who is dating someone who's in the Boston area , and they were trying to figure out well , as I'm finishing residency and I'm dating someone in Boston , I need to find like a locums gig for like three or four months and then I'm good , Right ?
So we answered their question and they wrote back to us and they say like , why the hell are you roasting me ?
Dr Nee , that's probably what it said , cause , like you kind of insulted the person when you answered the question , like they didn't know what a plane was and they didn't know what a train was , like that's really not the way to go about answering questions from the audience , because you know you will get canceled thanks , doctor you need , you need , you need to
apologize that won't happen , but thanks , let me .
let me read to you what they say , what they had said .
Thank you .
Can I read this question , please Go ? Thank you for taking my long and complicated questions on your most recent episode . I wanted to send an update on how the job search worked out . I was a third year family medicine resident . An update on how the job search worked out . I was a third-year family medicine resident .
Dr Nee , since your response on the podcast .
my girlfriend and Locum's wife have left me . It doesn't say that , Nee , Do you want ?
me to share this with you . Is that bad ? I'm going to keep going . I took a job Monday through Friday in the Arctic Circle , but at least I get to fly back each weekend to see my family for one hour before flying back to work . Just joking ? So I think they're just .
I don't know what they're joking , but I'm assuming they're just joking about the whole thing .
But yeah , I see how you is . Yes , because you were talking about locums , wives and blah , blah , blah .
Then this person says Dr Renee , thank you , as always , for being the guiding voice of reason and wisdom . And that's where I got a problem with this dude , because I think this person is trying to be smart , he's trying to be smart , he is trying to be smart . You basically predicted a future , as I was already working on opportunities in the surrounding area .
In the end I got four different offers for places one to two hours from the Boston area . It all worked out great . I took a position at an FQHC one to two hours away for a three-month contract working four days a week .
Some additional context Sadly , the majority of family medicine options are not shift work and they want three to six-month contracts for four to five days a week . I know what he's talking about . He makes a good point . This makes it difficult to balance multiple assignments at the same time and slightly harder to travel mid-assignment . He makes a good point .
I considered some postings in farther locations as my hopeful start date came near , but ultimately I got a few good opportunities at the last minute . Sorry for not including enough context to completely explain the situation and thank you both for the great advice , as always .
I often cite Docs Outside the Box as one of the best resources to others who have been intrigued by the idea of non-traditional jobs out of residency . I appreciate the VIP Stack Console mid-podcast as well . Thanks for the advice and hopefully tolerating some sarcasm , so listen .
The one thing I got an issue with my thing is this why he dissed me and then he says thank you always for being a guiding voice for wisdom , for reason and wisdom yeah , because I mean you .
That means he's talking about . He's talking about .
I'm the guiding voice and you a big dummy , okay I like to look at it as there's a yin and a yang . That's the way I like to look at it . You have a certain type of energy and I have another type of energy .
So I got the positive energy and you got the negative energy .
So anyway , I understand what he's saying . So I actually have a question before we even respond to what he's saying . So my question is what are your thoughts on making major moves right In your life , choosing what residency you're going to go to , where you're going to find a job at , getting a house ?
Thoughts on making major moves with somebody else when you're not even
¶ Making Major Moves Without Commitment
engaged ? I said boom , dr Renee .
Oh easy , that was you and me .
You go Hold on what you talking about . That was you and me what you talking about . That was you and me what you talking about . Don't put my business out there like that . Don't put my business that was you and me Outside of talking about my business , our business . Thoughts on making major moves when you are .
I'll talk about my business , and if you happen to be part of the business , then it's your business and I'll be talking about it too . Okay , but that was you and me . We started we started interviewing . Remember , we started interviewing .
I had finished my residency and I was like almost two years out , and you were almost one year out from finishing your fellowship and we started interviewing . You started looking very specifically in Pennsylvania and you were like , hey , I got this interview here and they would like to talk with you , as yeah .
And I was like , uh , okay , so I went but you got the gist that you knew I was about to start , I was going to , I didn't know Correct .
Yes , you did . No , I didn't know nothing . Yes .
Guys , ladies , listen to this show . Do you think that Dr Renee would take an interview to go to the same place as me ? Right , move from Atlanta to Pennsylvania , right ? If she didn't know , stop . If she didn't know , can you stop please ? I'm going to mute you If she didn't know that something more definitive was coming in our relationship .
Definitive was coming in our relationship Because that's where I call cap . That's where I call cap on you , because I think a lot of times you be trying to act like things are black and white . It's like , nah , you knew something was coming up the pipeline , but anyway , go ahead , keep telling the story .
Anywho . So you had not proposed Nothing and it was a free trip . Excuse me , it was a free trip , excuse me , it was a free trip , okay , and I was living in Atlanta at a time , and so I went on the trip with you .
We came back , if you remember , we came back to Atlanta and you and I had this huge argument and I was like , dude , why am I even going to these interviews with you ? We're not even engaged . That's what I said to you . I was like we're not even engaged , like I don't even have to go on these interviews with you . Like , stop playing .
You don't remember that argument ? Say you don't remember the argument .
Nii , I don't remember that argument .
Okay , you only remember things that .
I do have a problem with that last comment . I don't think that that's a fair comment , but go ahead and finish your story , your prolonged story . So do you believe that you should make major moves without being engaged ? Because you're avoiding the answer ?
Me personally . No , Me personally I would not . I think that it can get a little dice dicey , because if things don't work out right , if things don't work out , you don't end up getting engaged or married , especially married , because engaged still isn't like an actual like status , it's just a planning of a status . It's just a planning of a status .
If things don't work out , then potentially how the law looks at it is that you guys are just roommates and so now what's ours is not necessarily ours . Well , it depends on which state . No , uh-uh no .
Because in California can't you live with someone for like several years and all of a sudden becomes common law well , but you're well that I don't know about .
I don't know what constitutes a common law , a domestic partnership or whatever , but knowing that you don't have anything specifically documented to say that , hey , I am in this very lawfully recognized relationship with this person can cause you a lot of strife if it doesn't work out .
Now , most people , when they buy property together , are not looking to see well , they buy property together are not looking to see well , what state are we going to live in and what would it look like in that state if we don't end up together ? No , most people I don't . I don't think so .
Stop playing Now you pot in me , so you think you think most people look at the state in which they live ?
Yes , I do , okay , okay , you think , think you think , people look , look to see to see the state that they are going to either move into or already live in , to see what constitutes a common law marriage or whatever like , because they want to . They want to move in with somebody ? Yeah , I don't think so .
Yes , I do .
You're lying .
You're lying Okay .
You're lying . You don't think that .
You can call cap .
I think most I call cap on that I'm calling BS on that , so hold on a second . When we went to go get married , we went to go get married . You look to see what the laws were in Pennsylvania .
I didn't , but I think you did .
No , I didn't . No , I didn't . I didn't look to see what the laws were before we got married , absolutely not .
I checked your Google searches .
Anyway , first of all , everybody know you gotta wipe that cachet . So what about getting a house ? No , but I
¶ Living Together Before Marriage Debate
mean all of that is related . All of that is related , right .
If it doesn't work out , then the so would you ever move in with someone who you let's say , you were dating a guy for like three years .
No , I would never . No , no , I would never move in with somebody . No , not like that . But that's just me . I'm not saying it's wrong . It works out for some people and for some people it doesn't work out .
But I think it's important .
I think it's I think for people who don't follow your rule , because I do kind of agree with your rule , which everybody Renee's rule is in order to have a successful relationship and a successful relationship is a relationship that can go through the good and the bad , right , Like kind of ride the waves and so forth you got to be with someone for at least like
five years and stuff . But if you decide not to follow five years , do you think you can accelerate that point by living with someone ? Do you see what I'm saying ? Like , do you think , okay , like if I lived with someone for two years , could I figure out what I would have learned for the other three years if I didn't live with that person ?
I say yes , Because when you live with someone like that , that's like you know , that's crazy .
I say maybe . And the reason that I say maybe is because people can live in blissful situations for a long time before it starts to go downhill , before they start to realize , eh , it's not really what I wanted . Right ?
And I would say honestly , if you're with somebody more than five years and your relationship does end , look back five years , because that's probably when the strife started , right , that's true , that's probably when the strife actually started , right ? Wasn't full-blown , full-fledged , maybe , until like the last you know year , a few months before you actually broke up .
But if you look even five years back , you'll see little . You know what do they say ?
those seeds , little apple seeds , crumbs , whatever if you look back , you'll see those crumbs of oh yeah , this started to kind of go downhill even then , but you know , I didn't think anything of it because I didn't actually think I should give a breakup was on the horizon you think I should give advice ?
I think I should stop giving it . I'm not going to give advice anymore why not ? To like to younger people , because I think , if I based it off of- .
Oh , so you're going to give advice to older people ?
I just my advice . So my relationship advice , based off of what I did in my 20s , is something that I think most people should not listen to .
Okay , but is that advice that you're giving , or is that don't A ?
precautionary , tale Kind of yes , a precautionary tale . Yeah , I think you're right . I think it's a precautionary tale . I mean , I think a precautionary tale is fine because where I work at , like , it's very traditional out here and people like be getting married , like in their 20s , right out of school .
And I'm like , yeah , I'd be like yo , you're doing what , yeah , you're doing what , yeah , I , I just like I'm like there's no , I was too selfish , right , I was too selfish up until 45 , right . Like I was like 45 46 .
No , I'm just saying like I just I gotta give props to folks who are able to like run out of college or run out of professional school , like immediately out of professional school . Be like , yeah , I'm ready to settle down . Like I just do , you think me and you right out of medical school .
You think me and you would have what he called it no , no , absolutely not . But you wanted to get married , I could tell no , I didn't .
No , I didn't absolutely not renee , absolutely listen .
Nope , I just graduated , I had a volkswagen jetta okay , you know what ?
yeah everybody knows what I'm gonna say after you say , say , volkswagen Jetta . What do I usually say With the shocks of a tricycle ? Neen .
Which lets me know . So , guys , guys listen . And the driver's side mirror , or passenger's side mirror hanging off Like stop playing . So the fact that you're looking at the material values of what I had makes me think that you went even further to figure out what state was the common law stuff .
You see , guys , I could put it all together , no , all together what you can put .
The full circle moment , the fact that I was riding in that car feeling every single nook and cranny of the asphalt like renee , renee , before you even move on .
So what year was my car ? I ? Don't even know what year was my car renee ? It was a 99 volkswagen jetta . What year was your car at that same time renee ? 91 what car was the ?
nissan stanza . That's right okay okay .
So there's no way that your shocks were better than mine . Like I don't you could . You had to pop your clutch every day to go to work . No , I didn't . What are you talking about ? No , I didn't what are you talking about ?
What are you talking about ?
I had a six CD changer . I had nice and smooth CD one . I had everything in one through six . What did you have , yo ? You had your cell phone .
You put your music in your cell , like driving to work , like get out of here , come on first of all , ain't nobody want you for your bum ass , jetta , okay , yeah sunroof , sunroof yeah , that got stuck cause you got a freaking pen stuck in it what are you ? Talking about when did I get ?
never got a pen stuck in it yeah , yes , you did anyway , listen guys , um , I ain't making no major moves unless I'm getting engaged with someone that's buying a house , because I think things can go wrong .
You know , like I've seen people like get a house , they buy a house , and they buy a house together even though they're not like married yet , like they plan on getting married , but that planning is actually based off of one person finally deciding that they're going to engage with the other person and go back and forth Like I don't believe in that I don't know
what that means . Nobody knows what that means , what does that mean Based on one ?
person going to engage . What does that mean ? I don't get that .
Well , in order to , in order for two people to come together into marriage , one person has to decide and ask hey , do you want to get married ?
Right , Right , that's usually how it occurs .
That's what I'm saying . So you , you're wait , so you're you know , let's say , for example , me and you decided to get a house and we put a deed on it and you're like , well ,
¶ Family Medicine Work-Life Balance
we're going to get married and it's like , but you're actually technically dependent on me to be like , yeah , like let's get married . That's crazy .
But you would be also dependent on me to say yes .
Of course you're going to say yes .
Why would I say yes ? Why ? Why is that such a guarantee ? Really Because of your face and your Jetta .
You think this takes work , this takes time . Man , you know what this comes , yeah .
It takes a lot of work . It looks like it takes a lot of work .
Hmm , you know you walked into a lot , renee . You walked into a lot , a whole lot . But anyway , listen um our family medicine resident . Thank you so much for writing back to us . That is actually dope . He's got four different offers to work , yeah that's awesome , no that's awesome .
That's great news . That's great news , and it's four days a week .
That is one thing to consider , guys , is with family medicine . Family medicine sometimes can be a little bit . You just have to make it work More rigid . Right , it's not as shift work-ish like er , anesthesia , trauma , ob , um , hospitalists , um , but this person is obviously making it work .
He making it work , so , um , and he's probably gonna stay low , comes for a lot longer than he probably thinks maybe .
Well , it's good that it's four days a week , so you know there's some time off if there needs to be . You know some back and forth visiting or staying with , or you know there's some time off if there needs to be . You know some back and forth visiting or staying with , or you know so there's time to be together . So that's good . I'm glad .
I'm glad you found the solution .
Yeah , that's hella important . Save that relationship . I hope you guys make it work . We made it work at work and , um , I tell you , like my once me and renee decided like okay , I'm gonna be doing my locums and then I'll come down to atlanta to visit you .
like our relationship got way better , way better yeah , because you're finally paying attention to a sister .
You know what I'm saying I think part of it was you were starting to see the money that I was bringing in too , and once you money what money ? Locums what ?
no , where was this money going ? What like ? I don't understand . I didn't see any of this money . I had my own job , I paid my own bills . Where was the money going ?
oh , you could tell , I see you could tell like I had different clothes , like I just I smell . My swag went up .
My swag went up
¶ How to Contact the Podcast
you could tell different clothes , Like I , just I smell my swag went up .
My swag went up . You can tell Different clothes . Nii , I stopped using the Jetta . I gave the Jetta to my pops Guys . Sometimes I be potting . It's all good now . We have fun here and listen . Renee , why don't you tell people how they can write in so that we can answer their questions ?
So you can write in to us any which way that I'm going to mention , and that is IG DM Docs Outside the Box or in the comments section of a reel or some other posts that we might have doxxed outside the box on ig . Um tiktok is also doxxed outside the box . You can also text us below .
I think there are two text options down there one is the burner text .
One is the real cell phone number and the other is the burner text if you text , please put your name . It's for your locums wives . Yeah , that's the . This is the number I get to my locums wives . Text me on this number so it feels like it's a listener . Hey , I listened to your show . I listened to your show last night . It was amazing .
It's like , oh shit , Keep going .
I'm going to be in trouble so much . Meanwhile , it's my locum's husband . Oh man , the other way that you can reach us is DucksOutsideTheBoxcom . Why your face go like that ? Nii , that's peace . Ducks Outside . Yeah , ducksoutsidetheboxcom , that's peace and you can send us a message .
And yeah , if you want to be anonymous , you can always tell us that you want us , that you want to be anonymous . We don't have to put your name out there , but if you don't want to be anonymous , then give us a name , all right , y'all .
we'll catch you guys on the next episode . Me and Renee got a lot to talk about , so we'll talk to y'all soon . Peace , bye .