Why Do I Need 12 Step Meetings?

to be real clear about what this podcast is intended for it is intended for entertainment and informational purposes but not considered help if you actually need real help and you're in need of help please seek that out if you're in dire need of help you can go to your nearest emergency room or you can check into a rehab center or call a counselor like me and talk about your problems and work through them but don't rely on a podcast to be that form of help it's not it's just a It's for

entertainment and information only. So let's keep it in that light, alright? Have a good time, learn something, and then get the real help that you need from a professional. Well, it's another episode of Doc Jacques, your addiction lifeguard. And today, I want to present... The idea of a structured recovery. What does that look like? And specifically, I wanted to address the idea of participation in some kind of recovery group. Specifically to that, 12 steps. The 12-step group. A-A-N-A-O-A.

Some kind of 12-step structured group. Why do you do it? Why would you need to do that? I get a lot of resistance. on that from my clients who come in to see me. And they struggle with the idea that they need to participate in some kind of structured recovery program like AA because a variety of different reasons. They give me all kinds of different reasons. I don't like the God talk. That's probably one of the primary ones. I don't like the idea. I don't want to go. It's too much time.

Some of them don't like the idea, although they don't tell me this, they don't like the idea of accountability, reporting, and being accountable to someone else. It's the, I want to be able to do what I want to do. Don't tell me what to do. That fight for independence. And then lastly, it means they're going to have to give up their addiction and get into recovery. So they don't necessarily want to do that either. I've talked about that many times.

People don't want to get clean and sober initially. They just need to. So there's the resistance of wanting to. So you have to voluntarily go to some place where you're meeting with people and you're talking, you're sharing, and you're participating with a sponsor. So that's there's some resistance there, too, because that means that they would have to actually be speaking their mind on what's on their mind. And that one is troubling, too. So let's just break this down into usable chunks.

All right. What is, for those of you who don't know or not quite sure, a 12-step process. It's 12 steps that you take to move towards recovery. And they're very specific. It's written out. I'm not going to repeat them to you here. If you want to know what they are, you can look them up. That's not the point of this podcast. But there are 12 steps that you go through. And at the end of the 12 steps, you have hopefully gotten to the point where you are fully entrenched. in your recovery.

Now timeframe could take a long time, could take a year. Some people take a couple years. There's a shortened version of it that you go through when you're in a residential treatment program. They'll say, well, we're gonna go through the 12 steps and they kind of do it in like 10 days or 12 days or two weeks or a month or something when you're there. And that's fine, you kind of go through it, but you're not really working the 12 steps when you do that.

because it takes a lot longer to actually process some of these steps more than others, like step four, step eight. You know, it's a difficult thing. And some of them are kind of vague, like step six and seven is kind of a little bit different in its approach because it's more about thought and feeling. Anyway, I don't want to get into the specifics of the 12 steps, but why it's important. So let's stay focused on that. Structure. Number one. It's structure. You need structure.

You cannot get into recovery without structure. Chaos and confusion is the cornerstone of addiction, right? It's what makes addiction possible is when you're acting in a chaotic, out of control manner. And so the structure kind of makes it so that that becomes very obvious that that's what's going on is there's a lot of chaos and it takes that chaos away. If you have to do, for example, we tell people, hey, do 90 meetings in 90 days, 90 in 90. Why would you do that?

Well, because it breaks through that barrier of the lack of structure. It makes you accountable. It makes you actually show up. People think it's a burden because I can be there and I don't want to be there that long and it's a lot of time. But in reality... what you're doing is you're breaking through the idea that you're not accountable and you have to be somewhere. And it's gonna be very noticeable if you show up drunk or high, right? So it's important that you have that structure.

The other part of the structure is it makes you actually work on things to move you to recovery. Because I wake up today, you know, I used to wake up and I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted to drink today. You know, that was my agenda was like, you know, hey, I got this. I got to go to work and I'm going to be off in time to go drink. Or am I going to be able to just blow work or school? You know, when I was in school, can I drink today? And then how much can I drink?

You know, that's that's a structure around usage. Right. You're trying to figure out if you can use. Well, recovery is the same way you wake up today. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm working on sobriety and I got to be at this meeting at. 8 o'clock in the morning or 10 o'clock at night or whatever. And maybe you were working with a sponsor who gave you some kind of homework that you had to do.

But the idea that you woke up today and you thought, oh, I got to do this recovery thing instead of, oh, I got to go get drunk or high. How do I do that? So the structure that you have when you're in that chaos is actually structured chaos. And so the structure that you have when you're in recovery is structured stability. And you're replacing... structured chaos with structured stability. And you can't do that on your own. You're not going to. I promise you, you're not going to do that.

on your own. So working on that recovery piece and having the structure around you is vitally important. Now, the second thing is it puts you in the presence of people. Now you may not have a lot of respect for people, uh, who are addicts and they're, they're failing all the time. And you think that's really a bad role model for me, or I, you know, they can't do it. So why are they telling me how to do it?

But the other part of it is that there are people there that are in recovery and kind of a typical thing is, uh, feeling resentment towards those people who have achieved the thing that you wanted to achieve. And so trying to figure out how to force yourself into 12 step process, you know, going to groups to, to do that work when you have that push pull of, of, uh, attraction and resentment. Um, and you know, it's like, and, and repelling you.

So the structure is like, I go and typically, uh, What I find with clients is that they go and they don't like the meetings at first. And then after about two or three weeks, they're kind of like, oh, yeah, I'm actually getting something from it. But it takes a while for you to get to that point. You're not going to get it when you walk in the door. The angels are flying around and the music is swelling and the light is bright and everybody looks cheerful and wonderful.

And that's what you walk into is not what you see in a meeting. It's a bunch of people like us who are many times banged up, broken down and been in really tough, bad places. And they look pretty rough. You know, they've had a rough life. Even if they're fully in recovery, they can still look like they've had a pretty rough life. So you just kind of got to brace yourself and get used to it. But also, you probably look like that too. You just don't realize it.

So going and understanding that when you go, that you're going to be interacting with people. And that is a huge thing. We know that when you are interacting with others, that is where your healing occurs. It doesn't necessarily happen in isolation. So having that connection, that responsibility that you have to be able to speak your mind, say things, and be present, right? So that's that accountability part that ties in to human interaction, and you're accountable to humans, your peers, okay?

So... You've got structure, you've got human interaction, then you've got accountability. So the accountability part of it is that you're responsible for you and people are watching you, right? So when you don't show up at a meeting, it's known, it's seen like you're not there. And there are other people around you who get that because they're holding you accountable, right?

And we like to be squirrely and shifty and sneaky and do what I call getting your sneaky on when you're trying to get away with something. And that's usually when people are hiding. I was talking to a gentleman the other day and he said that when he drank, he drank his best in his basement. And I'm like, your best? And he said, oh yeah, that's where I was really drinking.

You know, I'd come home and I'd sit down and I'd get my... lead crystal glass and I'd pour some aged whiskey in it and I'd sit and watch a movie and I'm like hmm yeah you're a real sophisticate aren't you he chuckled it was like yeah it was kind of stupid you know and I was like so you were isolating so you weren't really like nobody was noticing you right except you were being noticed And so that was a problem for him was the accountability thing.

And his isolation is where he was drinking, right? So when he gets in front of other people, it became more difficult for him to actually go to that mindset of drinking. And so the accountability, I have to be there. People are gonna depend on me. Service jobs, in meetings, You have a service job. We encourage people who, and some meetings require people to do it, but we encourage people to take a service job. What's a service job?

Service job is setting up chairs, making the coffee, putting out the big books, getting the tub with the big books in it and, you know, spread them around the table, making sure the lights are on, making sure the door's unlocked or something. They give you something that you can do. And so it's really good to have that because that reinforces the idea of responsibility, accountability, and that you actually are part of us.

And that's the part of accountability that's difficult is that there's a room full of strangers that you don't know, and they're all a bunch of... degenerates and the downtrodden and the people that you think you're not, right? So when you take on a service job, what you're doing is you're making it so that you are part of the group. And that's really, really important as well.

So the accountability is you're seen, you're noticed, and those around you who know your name, your first name, and they know that you're normally here when you don't show, they also know. And that just reinforces the idea of belonging and connectivity instead of belonging to the band of the broken that are the drunks and the get high people. So the last part I wanted to address is what one of my clients referred to as the invisible man in the room.

So I know I said I wasn't going to be specific about the steps, but let's talk about step three. Turning yourself over to God as you understand him. to help you bring you back to sanity. Okay. Higher power. This is a big problem for many, many people. And it's a foundational problem for many, many people. Foundational meaning from childhood. Here are a couple of things I've heard over the years. A few things. There's no God. Okay, that's one. Number two...

Yeah, I don't, I mean, I think there's probably a God, but I just don't really understand what that means or what, you know, what's he, if there's a God, what has he got to do with this? Three. Yeah, I believe in God. I just don't really think he pays much attention to me. And number four. Yeah, there is a God and I have failed him. And I don't want that to be as known as it is. Hmm. Okay. So of all of those, the one that is the, I can't go the God route is the invisible man in the room.

There is no invisible man in the room and I'm okay with that. You, you think that way? That's fine. Yeah. Cause you know what? The invisible man in the room is a concept of like, I don't, I don't know that I agree with this or this is silly. This is all mystical nonsense and whatever. That's fine. But let's hold on to the idea of higher power. Higher power.

You have to turn your will over to something or somebody because you have failed in your attempts at recovery, perhaps, and it's been going on for a while. So higher power. What can that be? Well, it can't be nothing, right? It can't be nobody. It's got to be something or somebody. So maybe it is your sponsor. Maybe it is a loved one, the guide, the mentor, the role model, the figure of authority for you that you turn yourself over to.

Because what you have done in your addiction is you have turned yourself over to the power of addiction. You've surrendered your authority to that. And I know, because I went through this, That becomes the all-powerful, all-encompassing, overwhelming force for you. It's the thing that's like, I can't stop. It's like you're worshiping your drug of choice. You really are, because that becomes the thing that your entire focus and understanding of existence is based on, is that drug of choice.

And if you are not an addict and you wonder about that, ask and eat. Right.

you do believe in the drug of choice so what you're going to be asked to do is to turn yourself over to a higher power and i would suggest strongly that you do that with the idea that you're going to surrender over to a sponsor because that is a person who is hopefully you've picked somebody that's five years into recovery or more i prefer five or more and if it's uh if it's a if you're in a bad way with your addiction i'd say like more like eight to ten years but They get it. They've lived it.

They've walked it. They know how it works. They also have spent a significant amount of time failing in their attempt at recovery, just like you. And so they know all the tricks and all the lies and everything, right? So they are the authority in recovery in that relationship between you and another person. You are the authority in addiction. They are the authority in recovery. And so they're going to tell you to do things that you don't want to do. And that's the structure part, right?

That's the accountability, right? So when you are at a point where you need to get into recovery, turn yourself over to a higher power. Now, if it's God, that's great. And that's a whole different conversation, turning yourself over. Because now, if you are in that category of, I believe in God, but God doesn't believe in me, because all these things are bad that have happened, and so how could those happen if God was a really caring, loving God?

And depending on if you're a Christian, depending on the the particular version of Christianity you believe, you're Baptist, they're going to be beating on you, telling you that you're going to hell if you don't change your ways. And there's different viewpoints that way. Or one that's more of the evangelical kind of Pentecostal, God loves you and he's waiting for you to just realize that. And your salvation is based on you caring. and believing and surrendering.

So it depends on how you look at it. But for people who have faith, it is hard to reconcile if you were abused or abandoned, neglected, whatever the five forms of trauma, if you suffered from those, that that could happen, that God would let that happen. And that is a very, very difficult, challenging thing to understand how to deal with. If God cared, why did God put me through this?

Yeah. So that's where your question of faith, no matter what your faith is, bad things have happened to you and the challenge and the difficulty of free will. And I've talked about that forever. People have free will. And my belief as a Christian is that God gave us free will. And so we use it how and when we want to do what we want. And we have to pay a price for when we make really bad decisions. That's not up to anybody on this planet to decide, but... It is between you and God.

So did you do good or bad with your free will? And it wasn't God that let things happen. He's guiding you to protection, but now you have to heal, right? So the idea of 12 steps is a healing process. And that's what I like about it. It's all focused on healing. For me, when I talk about the 12 steps, step nine, The step where you go out and make amends with people that you have harmed. Except when to do so would cause harm to others. That's you healing the damage that you've done.

But it's also your time to allow you to heal from the damage that was done to you. By you and others. So it forces you into this funnel to where you have to heal. And if you don't have that... And I've worked with people who refuse to do the 12 steps. I've worked with people who have encouraged and endeavored to do the 12 steps and jumped out at some point in step four, five, six, seven, because they didn't really want to do the tough stuff, the hard work.

I've worked with people who went through the 12 steps one time. They took their time and they did it methodically. And then I've also worked with people who have gone through the 12 steps three, four, five times. There is no prescribed specific way to do the 12 steps as far as how you do them. But the number one thing is that you must complete them, do the 12 steps and complete them, do the work, do the hard work. It's really, really important that you do the hard work.

And so the reason for doing 12 steps is that you need a structured, program around you that you can rely on lean on depend on moving you towards recovery now i'm saying moving like because i don't think that anybody actually gets sober just walking into a 12-step meeting i i know that that's in the big book and it's written about but you also it's interesting if you read the big book there's a lot of um A lot of things written in the big book about how these, you know, I was crazy and I acted

crazy for so long and I didn't know how to stop acting crazy. And it was very challenging for everybody. According to what I've read, you know, in the big book, there's many stops and starts. Today, because we know so much more about addiction and the causes of it and the treatment of it, it's much easier. Back in the 30s when that book was written, Virtually nothing other than it was a mental health disorder. And that was it. It was like you were crazy.

So when you're working the 12 steps, you're in a structured program that allows you to freely explore, fail, succeed, fail, succeed, fail, succeed in recovery. And that's a vital component to recovery. It's not the only part of recovery. You must... be working with a trained, qualified, experienced therapist who understands and treats addiction, not just some general therapist who is treating everything.

It's like somebody, you need somebody that specifically understands and specializes in the treatment of addiction because it is a very different kind of experience than just a general therapy because you're feeling a little depressed or anxious. So you must have that. Like you must be working with a psychiatrist because you can't treat somebody who's destabilized.

If they are really dysregulated emotionally, they've got other issues or bipolar or they're paranoid or they're severely depressed or something. You must medicate to stabilize so that you can stabilize and treat. So you stabilize to treat, then you get off the medications. That's my thing. So Having the structure around you is the single most beneficial thing you could do in recovery. It's the thing that will get you there. Structure and accountability.

And that's what the 12 steps are all about. So it doesn't matter whether you believe in faith in God or you don't. If you don't like the God talk in 12-step meetings, just ignore that and go to the 12-step meetings. Do everything else. Why? Because it works. It works. If you do believe in God, then absorb all the God talk and go and stop with the, I'm failing as a person in the eyes of God because I can't stop drinking or doing drugs. You got to stop that.

But whatever it is, whatever it is, please, please go into this 12-step process because it will help save your life. Believe it or not, it works. And it's worked for a very long time. And that's my words to you. So if you are looking for recovery, you want to get into a 12-step meeting, all you have to do is go online and look for 12-step meetings in my area, 12 steps, the AA community, NA, whatever. You put it in a Google search. You will find meetings everywhere.

You'll be shocked at how many times you find meetings and where they are. And so what I want you to do is go online and look for a meeting and go to at least three to five meetings at different locations, different kinds of meetings before you ever make a decision about whether or not you wanna continue. Don't go to one, walk out and say, this is a bunch of garbage, I'm not doing this.

Three to five meetings spread out in different places, So that you have a good slice of understanding what meetings are like. Because meetings are different everywhere. And if you can't go in person, you can go online. If you don't want to be known, you can go online out of your area, out of the country. I've attended meetings in England and Ireland and Scotland. I tried to get one in Australia, but I can't get the time right. But if you don't want to be known, then do it that way.

If you want to be completely anonymous, you don't even have to turn your camera on in a lot of meetings, but please go. It'll help save your life. All right, well, that's this edition of Doc Shock, Your Addiction Lifeguard. If you are in need of help and assistance in your recovery, please go get that help. Look for a therapist, look for a psychiatrist, or check into a rehab. There's no reason that you can't get help today. It's everywhere. It's online. It's in person. It's in offices.

But don't give up hope. You can get into recovery if you want to, if you need to, or whatever. Don't spend your life to save your addiction. It's a ridiculous cost to pay. Well, I hope you got something out of this podcast. If you need to reach out to me, you can reach me at wellspringmindbody.com. I am Doc Shock, your addiction lifeguard, and I hope you have a sober, sane day today. See you next time.