The Institute Of Higher Unlearning 2: New Things To Learn

to be real clear about what this podcast is intended for it is intended for entertainment and informational purposes but not considered help if you actually need real help and you're in need of help please seek that out if you're in dire need of help you can go to your nearest emergency room or you can check into a rehab center or call a counselor like me and talk about your problems and work through them but don't rely on a podcast to be that form of help it's not it's just a podcast.

It's for entertainment and information only. So let's keep it in that light, alright? Have a good time, learn something, and then get the real help that you need from a professional. Welcome again, you students of knowledge, the seekers of the truth, to the Doc Jacques Institute of Higher Unlearning, where you are going to unlearn all those things you have worked so hard in trying to destroy yourself and learn. You will unlearn here at the Institute of Higher Unlearning.

We help you unlearn those things through life experience as well as didactic learning through listening. Yes, you too can learn to unlearn all the negative things that have started to destroy your life here at the DocShock Institute of Higher Unlearning. So welcome, sit back, and learn to unlearn here. Well, I suppose that makes me Professor...

Professor DeBruyckert, Professor Doc Jacques, here at the Institute of Higher Learning, where I'm going to teach you how to unlearn some really, really bad things. So let's get started. All right, students, take out your notebooks and your laptops, and let's start taking some notes, shall we, as we unlearn all that we've learned.

One of the things that has been so problematic for so many people in their recovery is letting go of the belief that everything has to come easy and quick or sometimes just quick, maybe not easy and sometimes just easy. That my friend is a misconception, especially when it comes to recovery. Now with addiction, seemingly everything does come quickly, right? You get high, it's gone. You get drunk, it's gone.

It's not really gone, of course, but whatever the feeling is that you're trying to get rid of, seemingly is gone. In recovery, it doesn't happen that way at all. Sadly, it takes a long time for people who are expecting quick return on their investment. So, an adjustment is of expectations. So as we unlearn about the time it takes for you to actually recover, the realistic time, it can be frustrating. But with any really highly skilled kind of activity, it does take a long time to master it.

If you think about it, it probably took you a long time to become an addict. And it took a long time to even get to the point where you were an addict. So I don't know why you think that if you just stop using your drug of choice, that magically it's just going to go away and you'll be fine. When in actuality, that's not the case. When you stop using, things actually get worse before they get better. Because students learn this.

When you stop using a coping mechanism and you don't have one to replace it with, you're going to suffer tremendously. So here at the Institute of Higher Learning, we strongly urge you to jump into a peer recovery group. So the first step in recovery is stop the isolation. See, we think that we can do it ourselves. We can think we can just say, well, I've stopped using, so that's all I needed to do. But in fact, actually, you needed to do more than that. And you can't do it by yourself.

You never can do it by yourself. It's just not possible. So when you've learned that isolation is your best friend, then you have to learn that working with other people, being around other people, your peers, that actually needs to be your new best friend. And your best friend actually was more of a frenemy than a friend, that isolation part. We suffer in isolation. We suffer or shame in isolation. But we don't really rejoice in recovery in groups. That's what you think, right?

Because I'm ashamed.

I have to crawl my way into that AA or NA meeting and I'm ashamed or I have to go to that process group or I have to go to IOP and that's shameful and so that group activity that I'm suggesting that you do really can make it feel like you know you're ashamed to be there that's not really incentivizing however to unlearn that part of it you have to go and when you go consistently let's say you go three times on the third time fourth time fifth time you'll realize that it's not really shameful

because the people that are there that you thought were just you know the homeless people the crazy people the mental institution people that are the ones that you typically find in those places that you think are there are actually not there it's people like you And that's part of it is get into a group of peers, not peers by usage of being a drug of use necessarily, drug of choice necessarily, but just peers in that they're suffering. And they're suffering from the same thing.

I have been to process groups. I've been to IOP groups. I've been to AA, NA groups where I saw people of all walks of life there. Sometimes it's limited to a specific walk of life. If you go to a part of the town you live in and it's an afternoon, lunchtime, and you go to a meeting, you might find a whole bunch of employed people who are on their lunch break and they're just going to a meeting. And that's what's there.

Well, if you're working and that's the kind of people you work with, then guess what? You're among your peers and you're all there. You're all the same. However... We're all equals in our recovery, just like we're all equals in our usage. So that arrogance that you feel that's keeping you out of any kind of group setting amongst your peers, the people that are addicts and trying to work on recovery, that shame, that shame is something that addiction has you believing is reality.

So to unlearn that part of it, show up. That's what you got to do, show up. I often wonder, like people who have lots of fame or notoriety or specialized, highly skilled training, doctors, dentists, attorneys, people who pride themselves with their professional level of education and training, I wonder how they feel when they walk in to a meeting. I have a lot of clients who are those people.

And they talk about not wanting to go into these groups because they are afraid of what they're going to find. Sometimes they're afraid of finding their own people, like the people that they work for. In other words, their patients, their clients, and those kind of things. And yeah, there's a possibility that that's the case. But I'll tell you something. Those people actually don't see you as being weak because you have the same thing they have. They feel a kinship to you. You're an equal.

You have a better life, they think, probably, because you went through a high level of training, of school, education, licensure, state licensure, whatever, and you have the same problem I do. Wow. See, that makes you human. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you less than. It makes you equal to. And that's a key part, right? So, to unlearn shame... You have to indulge in the ability to connect with others and to do so in a way that makes you feel okay. So get into your peer community.

That's an important part of recovery. Beat isolation. Isolation is addiction's best friend. And so you got to break that, make a separation between those two. The second part that helps you in the unlearning process is the speed of with which your recovery will occur. It does not happen quickly. It really doesn't. The people who work the 12-step program, working 12 steps, there was one gentleman I know that he always worked with his sponsees with the idea that it's 12 steps in 12 months.

So he worked for a month on a step. And if he met with his sponsee once a week or twice a week, he would work for four times with that person working through step one. Next month, step two. Next month, step three. I thought that was a great method because that really put it out on the table that this is going to take a year. It's going to take a year to get through these steps and you get to the point where you kind of have gone through that recovery process.

And so the time frame with which you get clean or sober really is, it's not a week, it's not a month, it's not six months, but it could take a year, year and a half, two years. Recovery takes that long. It took you years to get to the point where you had an addiction issue and get it to the point where you were so dysfunctional that you couldn't make it through life without using. So take your time in recovery. But we addicts don't like time. We want instant. We want it right now.

And so if you can stop with the right now stuff and move towards the when it's done instead. When it's done. How long is this going to take? Well, it'll take until you're done. And get through that. Get through the idea that I want it and I want it now and I want it right now. Because right now is not going to happen. So Shame, speed, unrealistic expectations. The next one, unrealistic expectations. Gotta unlearn about unrealistic expectations.

Now, I'm not talking about the magical thinking that takes you from the idea that somehow, just because I thought I'd be an addict, it went away, or just because I became aware of it, it's not gonna bother me anymore. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about in unrealistic expectations is I have an unrealistic expectation of how I'm going to feel once I stop using my drug of choice.

Like I had said previously, you're going to feel probably worse when you stop or when you start working on stopping than when you were using. Doesn't mean that stopping makes you feel worse, period. End of sentence. It means that when you stop using, your coping mechanisms are being taken away and being replaced with ones that you're trying out. And that trying out part of it is an important thing. I tried going to this process group or I tried going to IOP and it didn't help me.

I wasn't getting anywhere with it. I didn't feel connected to it. I couldn't experience... realistic change in that setting. Okay, that didn't work. That one thing didn't work. So you tried it for a few weeks, maybe, and you weren't getting any relief. So you moved on to the next thing. And the next thing was a different group, a different meeting, a different counselor. And that one felt a little better. Okay, so you tried that and it felt a little better. So now repeat that.

But see, now already you're probably a month or two in and your coping skills have not been replaced successfully. So maybe when you're trying to stop and you're working on it, marijuana, alcohol, whatever, and you feel horrible because that's what you're trying to not feel is uncomfortable, right? So you feel uncomfortable, so then you want to use, so then you use, but you're still going to the groups and you're supposed to be working on recovery, right? That's a zigzaggy path.

And so when you're doing that and you have that zigzaggy path, it can make you feel like a failure because you're supposed to be not using these other coping mechanisms. Okay, so you've got to feel like you're making some progress. And so what happens is you go see somebody like me. You start working with somebody, a counselor, somebody who's guiding you through this process. You start feeling worse because they're dredging up all this old stuff and everything. You're not using it.

You're feeling terrible about what you're doing. You're starting to become consciously aware of your usage and how bad it feels and how bad you feel. And then that starts playing into it. So you've got to unlearn the old coping skills and start relying on the new ones. And it may take actually a lot of effort to make that change. It's really hard when all you want to do is use and you feel horrible.

It's really hard... to take a left turn and pick up the phone and call your sponsor, call a friend, call somebody in recovery that is partnering with you in that recovery. It's hard to do that instead of getting high or drunk. It takes a lot of effort. It takes a lot of, I don't know, there's something in you that's got to come up and say, I'm going to do that instead. Because really, when you're feeling uncomfortable, you've got to be able to communicate.

And it's hard to communicate when you're used to isolating and not communicating. So what comes out of your mouth in the form of words has to be what's going on in your head. So I feel uncomfortable and I go and call somebody and I talk to them instead. Now I've learned to not isolate. But that makes me feel very vulnerable and afraid and uncertain. So I'm not really going to do that. But you need to because that's really, really where the recovery comes from.

I was reading in the book American Outlaw, the Jesse James semi-autobiography. I know he didn't write it, but it's about his life. And he talks... about going to rehab. Now, this is three-fourths of the way through the book. He's got a problem with alcohol. He's got a problem with messed up relationships. He's very destructive. He has just been caught cheating on Sandra Bullock. And it's three-fourths of the way through the book. And he checks into Sierra Tucson. And he's there.

And it's interesting. He talks about staying there. And it's the whole, you know, he's a biker. He's a guy's guy. He's not somebody who's going to sit around in groups and talk a lot, which he didn't do. He didn't talk a lot. And he's in these groups. And he describes being there for like three weeks. And on the third week, he was in a group. And he finally started talking about the relationship and the destruction of his childhood at the hands of his father. And he was very emotional.

He started crying as he's talking about it. Through the entire book, he has tried to muscle his way through on his own. And he wasn't succeeding. He wasn't succeeding. He wasn't succeeding. His drinking was escalating more and more and more. And he finally is now unloading among his peers in a setting where he's learned that they can't say anything. And everybody's accepted him as him, most likely.

And what's interesting is he said it was tremendously relieving to do that, but it was the only time he did it. And so nobody was able to get out of him, according to his words, able to get out of him the things that were really bothering him. And so that was problematic. See, that's the connecting part, the isolation, but also a demonstration of the speed of recovery, right? It's slow. Recovery is slow. Becoming an addict is slow. becoming a clean and sober person is slow, not fast.

So breaking that isolation is a big chunk of what this recovery is about. So if you're finding yourself working on recovery, and you think it's going to happen quickly, and you think it's going to be easy, and you think it's just a simple solution, you are actually wrong. You're wrong. That's incorrect. It's not going to be any of those things at all, ever, And you may fail miserably at your first one or two or three or four or five attempts at trying to get there.

So the consistency in your attempt, and that's the fourth thing is consistency. It doesn't matter. What did I used to say? It doesn't matter how many times you fall down that matter. It's how many times you get back up and all you have to do is get back up the one last time to where you're standing. So you may fall down 50 times. But as long as you stand up that 51st time and you don't fall down again, guess what? You're there.

But it's those 50 times when you fell down that you're thinking that you failed. So I don't care how many times you fall down. I don't care if you fall down 100 times. It's the getting back up that's important because... The next time that you fall down and you get back up, that may actually be the last time you fall down. And now you don't need to fall down anymore. So the consistency part of it is based on I'm going to show up or I'm going to work on my recovery every day.

What I tell my clients in my office is I want you to do something that is recovery related every single day for 30 minutes or more. Not five minutes, but 30 minutes. When they come in, the first thing I tell them is, you got to be consistent with that because you're not going to be working on recovery at all that day if you don't force yourself to do it, especially in the beginning. So you have to consistently work on recovery every day and do something related to recovery.

And I tell them, I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's meditation. If it's reading, if it's watching YouTube videos or listening to podcasts or talking to a peer who's in recovery or doing something, you can exercise and be thinking about recovery and so glad that you're able to exercise because you're not high. And if you do that and you're doing that while you're working out, you've turned it into a recovery activity. Same thing with walking or riding a bicycle. Anything.

Making an arc. Getting a pottery wheel and spinning a pot. Or throwing a pot. That's what they call it. It doesn't matter. But do something for 30 minutes every day. Seven days a week. Without hesitation. Without stopping. Without skipping. That's related to recovery. The reason is because... Thank you for watching. watching TV, going to sports, doing activities, but without thinking about the fact that it's recovery that you're working on.

And then you end up just skipping the whole, I'm an addict and I'm in recovery part. So it is that part, the consistency and the awareness of that consistency, as well as the activity related to recovery. So you can be in a recovery mindset that Because what happens when we use, we focus on using. And a lot of times, many of us try to figure out how to shape and schedule our day around our usage. Especially towards the end of your addiction when you've maybe become physically dependent.

You're aware of the fact that you're an addict every single second because you're on the verge of going into withdrawal. Or you're either high when you shouldn't be.

in settings where you you shouldn't be where it's inappropriate or dangerous so your awareness of your addiction is always ever present in those situations so what i'm suggesting is that you work on that awareness every day every single day and my hope is that you actually do it at the beginning of the day so that you walk through the day and have the awareness of working on recovery instead of ending it that way, because you went through the whole day without thinking about it.

So it's not going to make it any quicker, but you do have to be consistent with it. And you do have to then become aware of the fact that addiction is there. And then you have to be able to get amongst your peers and do it that way too. So there are four things that you need to learn in recovery. The slowness of recovery matches the slowness of your addiction. The inability to not isolate. You're isolating. Get out and don't isolate. And being able to then work with people that are your peers.

Get in the community. And then be consistent about it. Because if you're not consistent, you're not going to be able to get there. Now that's four things, but then I guess it's five because I... included one I didn't talk about, perhaps, maybe. But the other one is do something every day to work on your recovery. Every single day. Seven days a week for 30 minutes. And make yourself consciously aware of the fact that you are working on recovery.

And instead of, I'm working on trying to figure out when I can get high or drunk the next time. because that consistency has gotten you into your addiction in the first place, right? So long-term recovery, and by long-term, I mean lifelong, not the clinical five years of recovery, you're actually clean, it's over, and that's success. I mean lifelong. Lifelong recovery is changing the I don't feel comfortable feeling into I'm okay.

Maybe today I had some ups, maybe today I had some downs, but I'm okay. So if you work on those things, You'll get there. It's just you have to work on them. So do that. Go and work on those things. And then you too can say, I'm free. I have recovery. I'm clean and sober. Today, I'm clean and sober. Well, that's it for this episode of the Doc Jacques Institute of Higher Learning Education for today.

I'm going to follow this up with further educational seminars for you in the future about recovery. Because you have to learn new skills in order to practice those skills. And you're not going to learn them on your own. If you could, if it was that easy, hey, everybody would do it. But it's not. So go out there and practice these new skills. And try to replace the old skills with these new ones and see if you can make things happen for you too.

Well, that's it for this episode of The Dark Shock, your addiction lifeguard podcast. I'd like to thank you for listening, and I hope you've gotten something out of this. And remember, if you need help, go get it. Check into a rehab. Call a specialist. Do something. Don't save your addiction by ending your life. Get the help that will get you what you're looking for, which is sane, stable, and sober. If you have learned something from this podcast, great.

If you'd like to learn some more, listen to some more episodes. I have a whole full catalog of episodes you can go back through. and listen to, and I look forward to future podcasts for you. And I'd like to thank you for listening to this episode of Dark Shock, Your Addiction Lifeguard. So until next time, thanks for listening, and I'll catch you on the next one.