S4 - Ep. 74 - Solomon Georgio

Hey, do you need to ride? Listeners, this is Chris Fairbanks with an upcoming show announcement. I will be in Boise, Idaho, March first at the Shrine Social Club. I've been to the Shrine before for music shows. It's one of my favorite venues. I'm very excited. Do go, do come get tickets at Chris Fairbanks dot com. Thank you and you're welcome.

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With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is karcal Gar. Sorry I cleared my throat while you were It's okay introducing yourself.

I'll just I'll make up for it by giving a sample and then we'll just put that where your throat cleared, it will just simply sound like you was cursed, but you cursed. Well, no, my bead. They won't know it's my voice. It'll over your guttural voice. Chang, yeah, flemmy. Oh, welcome to this slimmy episode. Yes, we've just recorded. I let people behind the curtain, just recorded last week's episode. So if you like the mood we were in last week, good news. It's ten seconds later, same days ago.

Oh oh right, oh sure, Well if you liked our mood two weeks ago, remember before the brief nostalgic episode in er lude, You're gonna love this one.

Hello.

Hello, clubs and colleges across the country. Put your ears together for Salmon Georgia. Yay, Hi, good to see you.

Hi, nice to see you. I know so long is your birthday?

It is happy birthday. You still young looking.

I'm a very grown man. I know half of a damn dakat. I worked with Hugh Moore on a who was on a show Eyes on the Other Night, and he did he act in the show that you were.

He was on the first season of Survival askest.

Oh yes, yeah, Michelle.

Yeah, he was. He played the creepy, the first creepy dude. Okay.

I for some reason I thought, because he does a lot of writing too, that maybe you guys were in the room together.

Oh I wish, I wish well, I wish delight. Yeah, that guy have When I figured out his name was a joke and a pun, yeah was I was, it was. It was way way longer than I expected it to It was like five years ago.

I for me, it was right now what And I'm embarrassed that I don't get it?

Oh?

Oh, for god, it's very like next thing. You know, his parents didn't say, let's name him Bob's any when that name? That's probably that's so funny, Hugh More.

Somehow are you? I haven't seen you. What's going down that much.

I've just been twiddling around lately doing nothing.

Which feels great. I've been doing a lot of that myself.

Yeah. No, I'm I'm sort of like, okay, breaking up of the stagnant winter and moving into the more stagnant winter. I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like how it comes in phases that are slightly different than the previous phase.

Yeah, essentially, yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Is there anything good within walking distance?

In your name distance with the driving. This is because there's the Have you ever been to Kettle Glaze the doughnut shop? No on Franklin, No, it's amazing.

Should we go there?

We should go there. Just go up to Franklin and take a rite perfect.

What's it called now, kettle Glaze? Kettle Glaze? I like it.

They're also right next to my favorite smash burger spot for the wind.

Oh, I've never been there.

And they have a Detroit pizza place there as well.

What's happening? Oh is that that?

Yeah, it's like a little tiny area right.

Right, kind of by the one on one cafe Clark Street.

Yeah, we were just lamenting the end of all cafes. Yeah, the diners, well.

At least the late night ones right, like you can go to that's kind of that was a cornerstort of being a stand up comic, right, especially when we were starting and doing the open mics. We'd all just go to a diner afterwards. And that's I think in New York they got rid of is it Kellogg's.

The Cereal?

No, there was a diner. There's a diner I think that was called Kelloggs. That's like, right, by the God where they did a Oh my god, how verses show that for a long time, that nitting factory.

Oh sure, Sure.

There was a diner that was right by there. I think it's gone.

Now, and it was like an old famous one twenty four hours.

The food was terrible, but the hang was amazing.

I've never looked I've never been like a diner spot that. I'm like, the food is just.

Yeah, we were just talking about do you remember the bright spot used to be on Sunday? Yes, that place had for a little while, there was an ownership phase, and we were just talking about.

How good like it was good food. Yeah, and that pie.

They also make their own pop tarts too, Yeah, I think they did.

And it was used to be a place where a lot of priests and nuns ate.

You know what.

Oh, I guess because of the giant there's like a giant convent. Yeah, there's a huge church a block away. I'm just now putting it together.

But I have no idea there can be so many things right by Yeah, yeah, there's a church right by there. I don't know. I don't know where churches are.

I know, are you averting your eyes at all time?

I just truly don't. I don't quock them.

I was like, well, this one, you wouldn't notice. It's it's like a giant. I think it's a Mormon place.

Also, I feel like most of the churches don't look like classic churches. Yeah, they're all like architectural like wonders that. I'm like, Oh, that's a nice building. Yeah.

Have you heard that all churches the friend of them are facing I don't want to know it's west or east.

I would never know.

Yeah that that was on a show and I had to google it and it was correct.

I guess it was facing It would be facing east, like you're facing the sunrise. My guess was like Jerusalem or yeah from Yeah.

I heard, I've heard where he's from. I've heard he kicked around there for a little bit.

I have to consult.

My nap Jesus around the way guy.

It's on that map inside the Bible. Yeah, one of those towns.

And I think it should just be left than Argyll and it should be just an immediate right on Franklin.

Everything looks so different, it does. What is that giant building that's a hotel? Okay?

You?

Oh, is that what you were looking at Yes, I thought that was a hotel, but I'm wrong. That's just a regular building. No, dank, here's a restaurant. The hotel is that's a kipton? Are they ever ever?

Yeah? Wow, that looks nice.

Actually it's nice for this area.

Look what's over there across the street.

Yep?

A church?

Sure, yep.

Now we're going to see him everywhere?

Yeah, not gonna know every church.

I went to. There was like a comedy festival in a town, the town that Johnny Carson was from, and there was later really a church on every street, maybe a town of fifteen thousand people, and they had hundreds of churches.

I wonder if they have a bark to get people.

Oh, I think they're I think they're packed. I was disqualified from the competition because oh wait, I said, shit, no, no, that that that's yeah. Yeah yeah, this was in Norfolk. Uh yeah, everyone there called at Norfolk or north Fork, but it was spelled Norfolk. What state it begins with an? And I I don't know a lot of corn. I think it was perhaps Indiana.

Indiana, Yeah, yeah, like it was, that makes sense.

Yeah, if you're from there, I'm sorry, I don't recall all I saw was that I was driven to that town and then.

Easier to just stay straight and then take the next little like side street.

Right. Yeah, but it was one of those situations where they did not, Oh, let's do it. I love a back allegant. It's a same Is it like a speakeasy?

Oh no, it's just it's just an easier way to get it. I wish it was. It was grimy and gross, but now it's it's I just like pretty it eventful. Yeah, this is Franklin. There's nothing going on this part of now.

This is not the donut shop where Ariana Grande touched her tongue to one of the donuts.

Is it remember when she did that?

Did she do that? I don't know if it's this one.

It was so long ago.

They just hit me where it was like pre COVID pre I don't even know. But she was standing in a donut shop and she just leap forward and went like a little lizard and touched her tongue to one of the donuts and then like got caught on video doing it.

I think it's all right here. I think Chapel Road worked at a donut friend really no way, Yeah, like a decade ago, and then she.

Is so gigantic right here here.

That's why car. And there's some parking.

Oh, here's the donut ballet.

Are you the donut king?

Oh? It's popular right now it is. We can pop out and back in.

Okay, let's do it. Can I do this?

Yeah?

I got the guy with headphones. It's gonna come yell at us.

But I think so this seems like there's something else going on.

Yeah, I think it's okay. Yeah, maybe it's a walkway. And I'm do you think I could get through these two things and get into the parking.

Part of me wants to maybe, are there.

Should we just park here?

Yeah? I mean you can risk it. You don't care about this fucking car.

That's very true, that's very true. But my thing is, do you think there's a thing here?

I don't think so. But the only way of knowing is if we slowly, slowly roll forward.

Yeah, there is the thing in the way.

Yeah, yeah, this this is this has all the makings of success.

Well, the car will yell you see.

Yeah, it was read for that poll. But we're like, oh and now look at us. That guy took his headphones off and slow clapped in all my years of donut valeting, a job I invented.

He was just upset that we're taking so long.

Yeah, yeah, like fucking hurry it up.

You wished we were more sure of ourselves.

Should we go in?

There? We go in.

I will stay back and watch the nice thank you.

Oh will stay back as well. I got my sugar fixed from this beauty.

We'll get you, We'll get you.

Oh A surprised.

I think that's yeah. It's probably should sing you happy birthday for your donut birthday. I'll be so off key, you'd be so fun.

It's the one song that says fun to hear as it is to sing the Royalty Free Jam.

That was a huge fart.

Yeah did you say fart?

I was genuinely disappointed, enough so that I grabbed Solomon's jacket and pulled on.

Why are they closed?

They closed? They have a time that close?

They closed at five?

Oh okay, I mean I guess donuts it's early morning game, right, Yeah, I know, but.

It's like it's it's Los Angeles. Don't should be like a twenty four hour Yeah?

Let us let us have something in this chaos.

Let us have our themes.

But yeah they have. They have really good cake donuts. That's why I love them so much.

What's your best favorite donut?

I love an old fashion Yes, I like just an old fashioned santard glaze.

Yes, dence, yeah.

Me too, or that's my truly my number one donate old fashioned glaze.

And then follow up with apple fitter. Yes, I want a hockey puck of a donut.

Yeah, I think I've tried because I like the way they look. It reminds me of the Simpsons or whatever. The pink glazed with sprinkles, Oh yeah, and it's no, I always regret it. I wish I had gotten a standard glazed I see.

For me, like, I'm only gonna eat one, so I'm gonna do the one that feels like that, like I'm full afterwards.

Right, but not one with bacon on it. Something happened with me and donuts in Portland maple and bacon. Yeah, bro, you don't want a sugar hamburger donut?

No?

Like?

Also like, do I need a pull bowl of cereal on top of my donut? Right?

Soggy?

And that was also like especially that for some couple times I did, I was broke. So that's all I ate for like two days, Yeah, a pie.

Donut?

Right, there was no eating an a venue and you just would pay attention to being somewhere and then oh yeah there. I guess there would be pizza. But all we ate for four days was pizza and donuts.

Oh, I think there was one time, because there was always somebody selling edibles, so it was all I had was donuts that day, an edible, oh, half of an edible, like I was told to do yes, And then it was an energy drink that was sponsoring I was having any drinks mixed with vodka, and I'm I offered the other half of my edible somebody else and they said no, and in my brain it became a cookie again, and I hate the whole thing. Oh my poor roommate at

Yeah, those that was such a nostalgic. I mean I am nostalgic for all those Bridge towns, but it was everyone on their worst behavior.

Oh yes, it.

Was Hey we're all going to a strip club. Here's where the booze is. That's the most important part. That's the first announcement at any venue. Yeah, and I I was overdoing it always.

I fell asleep halfway through introducing Janine Garofalo, really for half a second, and I woke up and I blamed it on nerves. But it was fully I was fully asleep. It was a three hour show too, after like being wasted for three days straight.

Were you the host I was hosting.

I was hosting a three hour show on the last day, and it was like three days of partying. And I just halfway through. I'm so excited to tach your next comic. Like, so I'm nervous.

That has to be at first. I don't think any comic has ever fallen asleep on the stage.

Oh no, that's never happened. I mean.

But also the end, it truly is such a marathon of social is like organized socializing and working. So it's like all the time in the daytime when the comics aren't performing, they are being kind of like everybody meet here, everybody do this thing, everybody do that, And of course, of course you're gonna want to like drink and do drugs during the day because it's the ultimate, like, look at us, we're doing our thing together.

Yeah, we're at a cafe that has coffee and a dozen cats.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, we have to go do shows now.

Yeah what a bummer.

Yeah, we all have to go to perform. Oh. In our worst date, I I think it was Greg Edwards. It was a small town comedy festival. We all got so wasted and he was so funny, but he forgot that he just did a joke, and he did it immediately afterwards again and everyone clearly is like laughing their asses off, and he's very confused while people were laughing at the primis that is just he just did the joke high. I think that was just drunk right, probably Stone, but not much.

I did that all the time, and I realized now that I'm not drinking, it's like, but that's one of the things that has gone away. Oh yeah, I'm not going to ever tell the same joke in the same set, but back to back, that's.

That's it was hilarious. I've only I've only done I've only did stand up Stone once and that was the last time, Like, and I don't even drink anymore before sets. Yeah, it's just, yeah.

It's so hard.

It really is so much harder when you are compromised, but especially when you're stoned, Like I just I did it once. I think there was a show where you had to get high beforehand, Yes, and you just certainly like you kind of just don't know where you are, right.

I did that. I did a show where you like, you do the sober set and then you do the stones, and then I did a stone set. I'm like, it was only five minutes, but the way those five minutes became an hour and a half. Yeah, And I'm like, and I don't know if I was bombing, but it's time moved so slowly that laughter wasn't happening fast to feel good and not have the thousands.

You couldn't get the waves on you quickly enough to make up for it.

It was proven. There was some UCB show and granted they were doing like improv, but there was a high group on weed. There was a group that did mushrooms, and then a drunk group, and the drunk group was by far the funniest. Yeah, like everyone else was going through this, you know, they're petting each other's faces. But yeah, it was like an advertisement.

I think the only bit I remember saying is marijuana makes your stone. I literally just said that, Like, what are you doing?

I'm working on this. Hold let me get through it, let me get to it. I loved the post all the shows because I think everybody felt very I felt very like, oh I hope I do well was I was really tight into like not eating it because it was like, we're all being so cool and social, but you can't show up to like the big warehouse party at the end of the night having had like either a medium.

Or shitty set.

Yeah.

Right, So I was extra.

Kind of keyed up about that. And then by the time we got to that end of night party, I was just like, this is the best party of all times, because it was like, truly I was exhausted.

Yeah. Yeah, I just remember Andy Kindler being at the dance party and were there not balloons with his face on them?

Kids, I'm very bad at remembering details.

Yeah, well, yeah, I just have the most random detailed things. But I just remember him dancing so happy among balloons with his face on them, and then every and then you know.

I hope that happens more than a says life.

Yes, for real.

I think that's why I appreciated it is because it will never and has not happened to him ever, won if it was his like birthday or I wish I knew why there is the balloons.

Also, honestly, I hope I brought my normal glasses because it's too dark for sunglasses.

Now I look like Robert.

Evans The Kids Stays. I still don't know. All I know is there's a movie called The Kid Stays in the picture and it's about him. That's all I know about him.

I do not know no more than I do.

Yeah, Robert Evans what he did.

He's a big movie producers.

And it sounds deadly what I'm saying, deadly familiar. That nothing, It sounds very familiar.

Yeah, yeah, deadly, deadly, deadly familiar.

I recognize so well that I died.

Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Now I'm dead.

He related too hard.

There was a I worked a club in Boise, Idaho once and showed up a day early, and there was a comic that was popular at the time. He was a hypnotist comic Jay medicine hat. He was a native of an American comic and he was on stage. I showed up after this had happened, but he collapsed on stage. Oh, paramedics showed up. He had had a heart attack. They I think brought him back to a fib. I don't know if they paddled him, but he not for being naughty, I mean with electricity. And he came back and then

Look, so these clubs don't pay you if you don't do it right.

Yeah, they told me I had to do it over forty five.

I've got to do it no matter what.

Do you know, I have to pay for this ambulance.

Totally, Like that's exactly what I would be thinking. Oh man, I have to take five hundred dollars out of my chat. Yes, christ I don't think. I think he was a hard hand.

I have skipped out on a lot of medical bills in my life, and I'm out to do it again. Yeah, because FI, they can't bother you, that's right. If they take into collections against the rules, they can't have access to your medical information.

Yeah, second party collectors are illegal and so you don't have to pay them.

Yep.

Has this always been the case?

Yep?

I just read about it on like or heard about it on TikTok a year ago or so.

I literally I'm all my all, Like, all the damage I did in my twenties was all because I don't have any sooner loan debt. I just only had credit debt. I just waited it out. Oh that's I just waited seven years and it all went away.

I think I'm doing it accidentally by never picking up the.

Phone when I told him. I told him to put me on the no call list sometimes, yeah, like what are they gonna do? Like if they can find your job, they can garnish your wages. But I was like a stand up comic doing temp work. Good book, Yeah.

You're invited to find me.

I have had doctor's call and be like, hey, I don't want to send you to collections, but can you please pay this last bill? And when that happens, I'm like, all right, put me on a payment plan. But I did not know that I could ignore collections. This is new.

Medical bills, right, Yeah, they have no they have they have no right to your medical information.

I had a seizure and my friend took me to Cedar Sinai and place work right and I had no insurance, so they were immediately bundled me up and got me out of there. But I did They did say I owed them seven grand for being in their emergency room. And they would call me and I would just be like, you can call me all you want. I literally have zero dollars in my bank.

So I don't know.

You keep calling, do whatever you want. I will never pay you. I can't pay you. And they just stop calling.

Right. Oh wow, No, I'm very much.

If you're in your twenties, you want to make a much mistakes, just go off the grid for seven years.

Yeah, I wish someone. I wish there was a class. There's In high school, I took a class called prep for Life, and I thought I would have information about taxes, how to get a job. It was home ac. They tell you to like bake, but there's so many it is. If you're you know, without clothes or a place to live, it's important to know how to make an upside down bunt. But I I seriously like when I moved here, I ran out of money immediately and I paid my rent

I know, Natasha, Yeah, Nasha, Yeah, I remember that.

So I was like a neighbor.

Yes.

They would like quiz them, like, hey, pop quiz and it was questions about the seventies. But whoever lost I had to kick off the show and then they cried because they were they didn't get money that week. And I'm like, it had me so stressed out that I was used as an actual tool in the gaming part of it.

Proud of what you were doing. That was that was the heyday of Like I'm not like a current reality TV show watcher because I loved reality TV show of that era so much. Yeah, I'm currently watching Flavor of Love. I just watched the first season, season two. It is the things they just allowed back then. Yes, nothing will love like for me, it will always be the swam will always be the most insane thing of all times.

Yeah, wan made me feel like the world was ended.

It wasn't. It was pure insane.

It was like it was like how many like eight women or four? Yeah, and then like it was like months of healing from class of surgery and then oh god, beauty.

Pageant they reveal the beauty pageant reveal that was. And then there was an article I read after the fact where those women basically all almost to a person, broke up with their husbands, basically were like I'm hot now I'm going to fuck whoever. They went into like a world of where they were hot women basically socializing and it all fell apart, and the people who produced them on that show and changed their faces and changed their lives.

They would call them afterwards like I don't my.

Husband won't talk to me anymore, and I blah blah blah, and I got I got an STD and did it. And these producers were like, we have fucked these women and their lives like a minute.

There was also because like the I forget, I think people forgot, like Extreme Makeover Home edition. There was that insane plastic surgery one where it was a guy and a girl they got a bunch of plastigery and then went out a date with each other.

Oh wow for Extreme Home Makeovers.

No, that was initial Extreme. That was Extreme Makeover. Oh the first the first iteration of it was this plastic surgery reality show. And then out of nowhere they go and we'll do a home one and.

We'll do home on so that there's not so much psychological impact.

Well, yeah, we're going to fix the damage we did off of this one season of TV by doing fifteen seasons of being nice.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah.

There is a guest that was a judge on that the plastic surgery mine. You just meant and I jokingly said, oh, I've always wanted to have a butt gin and he's like, I can do that for you. Do you want to be on this show? And I'm like, I don't really want. I don't want to really want to, but Gen, He's like, all we'd have to do is this and this. But he told me that the pieces of plastic are blue, so you'd have blue plastic attached to your skull somewhere I don't know why it's blue.

Yeah, somewhere it's yeah, you.

Know, yeah to do the buttch and they actually do.

Oh I thought you said so what Oh?

I said somewhere somewhere.

Yeah, they hide it. It's a guessing game. Guess where we put the figure it out. I was almost on it, but.

I'm probably gonna get something done. I don't know what yet.

Yeah, I why not? That was like, I want to be sleek.

I got my I got a bluffer of plasty. I got my eyes done because in my family, hooded eyelids or like start when you're like forty five, and in the last like two or three years, they were they just dropped like I couldn't wear eyeshadow anymore, and I could, like my eyes. I looked tired all the time, and I was like, what the fuck? And then basically my sister was like, mom got that done when she was like fifty.

And I'm like, oh, then I'm fucking getting it.

Should I have had eyes? And and some of you does drag every once in a while. It's it is I don't like the liner disappearing. Yes, like you do all that work to do your cat ie and and okay, Like it's just it's just extra skin right here.

Extra skin right there.

And also the way they can do it these days, because everything is so advanced.

You just don't even know anybody did it right?

Why have li suction? You did? It was like a six week recovery and then I was just was it painful? No? No, Like it was like because they give you like I think oxycoton or something like along the line. So I didn't feel anything.

They all like three days, like I don't wear I don't like, ok, it's because it's they just actually there's like there's like where there's multiple a lot of places.

There's like one under my belly button. Then there's like four like six other like tiny incisions that they pulled from. Wow.

And then you're sore or you were probably pre Like.

You're sore, you're like wearing a nice little corset year guts and oh yeah.

Were you at like a medspa or did you dude it like a hospital.

I went to like this hospital. It was it's like the surgery like took like thirty minutes. Yeah, I was out same day, So crazy.

That place tod chase you down for the bill for sure.

The money was upfront. It's like a mobby with taxic surgery. I don't want to see the cash in front. Maybe hopefully in a briefcase.

H they're trusting no person.

Yeah, well they offer financial like stuff, but I was like, I can I can do this right right?

It's like, yeah, makes you I feel like with something like that, I would want to pay, like just for the like, I don't want to cut corners.

Oh no, yeah, I was the best guy.

Want some free lace of guy surgery? No, I definitely want to pay full price.

Yeah, I don't want, you know, I want to just go and tack on a little more just to make sure that you're it's my eyeballs.

I don't want to cut corners.

Yeah.

Yeah. The time that I did the mistake you were talking about where I went into repeatedly went into an er because someone in there said we need to monitor your blood over a series of days, so multiple just me not knowing, multiple er visits at Kaiser Permanent day and they it was so many thousands of dollars and I called almost crying because I'm like this will end me. And they said, well, you can apply for our our financial aid. They might help you out, so I it

But yeah, I got it.

I was the only one that wrote a letter that month.

Maybe you got you got the you gotta you got the one insurance person on a good day.

Yes, exactly one, the one caring like they probably.

Got fired afterwards.

Who who would have thought this episode would have all these raids reviews the American healthcare system? Well, I got a free ride back in two thousand and four.

At this point, if people need to find ways to rig the system, yeah for sure, I'm happy to help.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love that though.

That's really that's good takeaway for a podcast, is like, are you suffering under a medical debt?

Yeah?

Just ignore it?

Yeah. Also just light of the government. It's fun. Yeah, there's too many of us to figure out which ones slide?

That's right. Yeah, I learned from someone uh that rear ended me and just they simply didn't pick up the phone. If someone's calling you and you don't know who it is, maybe they'll leave a message, but just don't pick up the phone.

I haven't picked up the phone in ten years.

You're right, for real.

I'm also realizing that's what's happened to me with chill business.

There are drawbacks, sure, yeah, yeah, a lot of people are answering the mine.

Yeah, last minute comics on TV. I don't answer those either. That's a fancy hotel for dogs, Yes, for dogs only. It used to be a late night place for sex and not because.

It still is.

It's it depends.

I when I first moved here, I there was a guy punching a late I just had moved here and I had I'm like, oh what, I didn't know this city, and I went in there. I'm like chasing after him. And that was the place where the cops showed up and said, use that phrase you've used, that's not a legit and not a legitimate person or whatever, And I'm like, did you just say that's heard it on like crime docs?

Some sort of inside yace lingo where they it's like end something somebody rod.

He yelled at me for calling the cops that he said that was a pimp and his employee, And I'm like, where have I moved? I don't want to live here.

But it's sorry.

You have to explain what you mean with a place for late night sex and you're pointing to a building on the pilot, right, It's.

Just it's nice.

It's a yeah, it's like an hourly hotel for set you.

Right.

I didn't know.

That it's like a car right, the bathroom in a bar.

Yeah, I thought I was just saying, hey, don't punch your friend, but it was a whole different situation. And then the cop yelled at me. It's just a terrible thing for it to be my first, like day.

I feel like LA likes to do that to you. If you're a transplant. LA is like, I'm gonna show you truly the toughest month of your life, okay, guy.

For thirty eight months in a row.

I think, like my second day here, I went to take the bus for the first time and there was a guy just scooping the ship out of his pants to the garbage. Yeah. I was like, okay, maybe I'm gonna go to the next bus.

Yes, yes, yeah, I should have started with Seattle. Oh you are from Seattle.

I'm Seattle.

Yeah that's where I started. Yeah.

You were there the year Cobaine killed himself. Wow, And I was like, oh, white people are very sad. Yeah, I got so what's this music? What's it about?

Wow? That was ninety ninety three, ninety.

Four, Okay, that's the year I moved here.

Yeah year I was. I was some mean teen in Seattle.

Was but you how many places did you move around to?

As Because we came to America when I was like four, from Sudan and we lived in Saint Louis, Missouri for a couple of years. We hated that. Then we moved to Frenst of California for seven years and we hated that, okay, and then Seattle. I was in Seattle for like sixteen years that I mean, sat went there, and then I came here. I try to live here for this is three times to try to live here. The first time I was like a teenage run away when I was

Yeah, get in here.

And then I went back home. And then I came back again when I was like twenty four in two thousand and six, and I was like the like the vague idea of becoming famous but not having anything, like nothing attached to it, right, just a dream. Yeah, And then I like I got I got, I was going, I was leaving akbar to go to my house and it's over like and I got mugged like two houses down.

From my own with with a gun or a knife with a gun.

It was two guys. Oh, and like it was a big guy and it was a tiny guy behind him was like a very like Russian doll.

Wow.

But like I had all like pick because I just got a new jobs, like all my documents are on me oh shit, and my cell phone side just like I went back home Seattle again and then I started to stand up the next year and then five years later I came back and this city stuck with me.

And and you're looking for that big guy and that little guy.

Honestly, they were they did a great job. They were efficient, they were fast. It took like less than ten seconds, right.

Yeah, and they were just like give us your bag.

Yeah, there's like give us everything. And I'm like sure, sure, lud love.

To and did you did you try to say can you please at least just give me my papers?

Oh? I just feel like it's a weird time to negotiate.

Yeah, yeah, I.

Don't really think. Yeah, you are so right. Unfortunately I'm not great improblem. This is the year before you start doing stand ups. I'm not wasn't there yet.

I'm sorry, but that is my last stick. Oh man ship. Yeah. That the times I've been mugged, it seemed very casual and did that just happen kind of a situation, it's not.

Yeah, but I remember like that night I went and met up with a few friends. It was like still a time, like a lot of people getting mugged in like sort of lake. And I went to Spaceland and me and my friend spoke cigarets and everybody told me their story about getting ugged.

Wow.

Everyone, Yeah, mine, I don't know if it's mugged if it's like it's been my idea, Hey do you want money? Like yeah, well that and our interaction because uh, maybe you were just showing me your gun and covering it up, uh like communication.

And you're too worried that there was a gun that you're right.

You know what.

I don't want to be rude.

I just wanted to say, hello.

I don't assume that you don't have a gun, because that was just mean of me.

No.

I had a guy who showed me his gun and then he didn't say anything, and so I took over and I'm like, I'll give you. How about I give you some money. I don't have a lot, And then he walked away. I'm like, did I just maybe I mugged myself. Yes, it's very bizarre, like you.

Kind of have to like wait for them to request things you shouldn't offer us.

Right, I know what. I just wanted to end the weird thing that was happening.

If somebody just showed me the gun and doesn't tell me exactly what, I'd be like, I have a daven Buster's car.

Yeah, I mean.

That, because that is the thing of a person that's like I don't even know what I'm trying to do, and I have a gun. That's bad situation.

These guys had give me everything, and I'm like, and I was wearing skinny jeans so they could see everything, right, right, that was the curse of skinny jeans. I'm very glad that we walked back out of that because now no one knows what's in my pockets.

That's right.

Oh you can see my fucking cell phone from a mile away back then, God damn it, especially the flip phones oh.

Sticking out like double yeah.

Oh, and my poor ankles. I'm so I'm glad I'm that era.

I read an article though lately, or like a headline where it was like our skinny Jean's back, and I was just like, why do we do this to ourselves?

Yeah, because it's fun. It's still it's still fun. I feel well. I'm also the wall of gray thing now, was like after like forty why, like right, why am I even trying to tip my toes into anything? Yeah, it's none of my business anymore. They're not talking to me. It's not about our skinny te's back. No, they don't worry about it. You're a ghost sit up.

Not for you.

No one cares what you're awarreing.

Just put this apron on and sit down.

Just make sure no ite can see your loose nipples. It was happy.

Yeah, it's I think I've just resorted to like I'm gonna just wear what I wore when I was at my happiest and some dressed like an early nineties skateboarder all that time.

I'm just like, I just buy a bunch of soft shirts and jeans in those colors. Yeah, Like that makes me feel so good, buying something in every color and being like, this is what I'm gonna wear for the next two months.

This is the plan.

Yeah, just different color, like a pill box for the week.

It's just yeah, it's just it's just all just been narrowed down to the very basics of a wardrobe.

I really do think quarantine boiled things, really boiled things down for people in that way where it's just like, I'm definitely not going back out of soft pants if I got to live in them for two years.

And felt this like truly overjoyed.

In being it's like putting on jeans like, oh.

It's like a pain.

Well, it's like I had underwhere I would wear if I'm going out to like a gay bar to like hook up. I'm like, that's I had like special fun underwear. I'm like, never again, they're all they all go down to my knees. Now, yeah, it's all. Comfort has been the number one thing for me from now on.

Yeah, I think that a lot of people. It's like, that's the revelation. Yeah, no more. I didn't know my pant I had skinny jeans until I'm like, oh, I like these jeans. I have one more in these for a couple of years, and then it's just.

Like, I don't think we get the respect for how truly uncomfortable our clothes were in the early two thousands, especially women's club wear, those were truly some of the most insane heels business casual, all the way down to the toe of the toes. I've like, I have friends who'd had those wear those heelss heels shoes, the ones that had no back heel, and go dancing with those. I'm like, what we do?

Wait?

What is back there? Their heels just hovering, You're just you're.

Just floating on the top, You're just sitting on the balls of your feet.

It's almost like a sea.

It's like the thing you would put your laptop on, but it's a shoe.

Oh my, I can't even so you actively have to walk on your tippy toes.

Yes, well you kind of have to with heels. It's really it's really a dangerous thing to do. There's also this insane they weren't wedges, but they were like those angled heels.

Yeah. I was I have rolled both my ankles enough time so that heels. I'm like, I bet it would look great. I simply can't do it. I have to stay near the ground and all the time.

I feel like it's you should it should be like a driver's license.

Yeah.

Well if you if you take them off in an hour and you're walking breakfoot in the street, you're like, okay, we can't let you.

Yeah you have to take you have to take the written test again. Wow, over too far? Yeah, don't like it. Don't like your anticipation.

Yeah, people get really into it's it's a lot of like, let me put my dick in your lane, and why don't you just go all the way?

Yeah, yeah, don't just play grab ass with your bumpers.

It's like they stop, like if they're about to turn in front of you, and they see you coming and they stop halfway through. I'm like, well, what do you think we're gonna do here? Right? Like, I can't drive through you.

Yeah, you've forced to let you go.

You better go.

Yeah, No, you can't negotiate.

It's like you can't pause. Now. It's I feel like that's always one thing specific by LA. It's people are assholes, but they stop and think about it halfway through. Just you could have just been the asshole. Fine, you stopping to think about it ruined it from I.

Think that's the delay of pills, don't you Or there's so many people on some serious, serious medication.

Yeah, I'm just only here on Henwood Cream.

Just trying to live my life.

I have to get home and sit on a donut.

Please may I know the world has changed a lot. You don't need donuts anymore. I have, like I literally have. If anything comes up, I have like nitroglycerin and botox ready to go.

Oh wait, need old time you poke it.

I've don't like. I don't like last year.

That's amazing.

Since then, it's been sweet relief.

Wow, that's great.

I probably should take a picture of it. Sh like, it's never looks so good in my life.

It's not.

Is it the same botox you would put on your face?

Do you ever shoot? Because it under your eye a little left over, but no hemrhoids, like because henrooid's like the tissuar area and it's a nerve damage. Like it's it's nerves that causes pops occur. Oh wow, like desnsizing them with botox kind of is very beneficial because.

That is really taking matters into your own hands. I guess I've never I can't imagine. Yeah, I can't raise my buttole up anymore. But right right, Yeah it's frigid, but no without getting some ribs removed. Yeah, I don't think I could put a needle in me in my in meself.

Oh I don't know't do myself. Oh okay, as a doctor doesn't. Oh no, I think I'm just by myself at my house. Just yeah, no, just botox is.

So impressed, just like this is an incredible story.

Oh no, it's it is a It is a it is a survey to the greater people.

I thought you had botox in your apartment. You're just not done. Your neighbors like a shooting calm.

I'm I would be so impressive by I cannot give myself a needle, yeah, especially I don't hate it when somebody else gives me one, but I can't do it myself.

Right, Yeah, there's no way. I tried to during COVID like this, it's going to be the time I look at it and it I can't handle it. I have to look away.

I actually when somebody's giving it to me, I do like to look at it.

And we are talking about heroin, right, yes, okay, go ahead and.

You can shoot whatever up down sideways.

Everything is there.

I have to say, because I have been taking Montaro for almost two years now, miracle drug, and it is a needle that I have to inject myself once to make and it is no big deal like like the I was worried at first, And once you do it the way they have it set up, it just you put it against your skin, push a plunger and the needle isn't like outside of the thing, so it's not.

I think the first time you do it is the scariest edything.

After that and then you just go, oh, it's just this tiny little prick of a feeling the end.

I've never had like it's I've never been in a position to have to do it myself yet. Yeah, but I feel like boy because like I think I'm currently eating somebody who he has to write his issues and he has to give himself a shot twice a month, and he's like he hated. They told me hated in the beginning, but now it's like, yeah, it is what it is.

Yeah, and it's not.

I think people imagine the old like a nurse from a movie that's squirting a big you know, sitting and the needle is free and loose and really long, and it's like, I don't I think the average when you have.

To inject like that it is. It's the little short one.

And you put it in your butt or your abdomen or something.

It's like.

You can pick, but you have to kind of rotate.

So it's like if you do either side of your belly button or either underarm, and you.

Just kind of go all month, you just kind of go in a circle.

Boy, it had to be awful the first time.

Though, No really, well no, I mean cause I think a nerves because I don't think it's I've never like it's ever been the pain with the shots, right, the initial like I get it done exactly.

It's like building up in your head. You do it once, like I.

Want to get bood drawn or I get an ivy. I'm not bothered by that needle ever.

Yeah, maybe I'm just a whim. I can't even put in a contact lens. Oh, I've never. I've tried, but they're the halloweeny.

Uh. You know, I've successfully done a handful of times, and it is very difficult.

I just don't like it.

Yeah, it's just because you have to look away but also not look away, and it's you're crossing multitasking.

You have to get all Marty Feldman.

Look away, not look away.

Like if I could put it in like a fucking like blow dart and like shoot it off a mirror into my eyes, I'd be so happy.

It's so true though.

It's like you're you are first of all, touching your eyeball. You are you're having to land it correctly, but then you also can't. You can't like you have to, like your vision does have to go a little blurry just to like go and then you're there.

Yeah, I finally, like I just I think this year was like or last year was a year that I finally figured out I drops without closing my eye and then just pulling off to the side.

Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm still I'm still about it took it took so long to get there. Yeah, Usually it's six or seven right in my eyelashes. Yes, but I'm flinching.

And eventually get in through the cracks and.

I just I aim for a little reservoir next to my nose and then I just wipe it in with my fingers and hopefully.

Somebody told me how to aff in the right way recently, Yeah, the nose spray. Yeah, for like like whenever you're congested. Mm hmmm, because I've been doing it like straight up, and they told me that you're supposed to aim it out and then squeeze and then lightly in hell, you don't need to do that much.

Even outside you're like.

You're supposed to a like towards the outer part spray so it goes up and but you'd lightly in hell, I might be saying it the wrong way. It's been a minute since I did like three months ago, so I can't remember anymore.

Well. With afron, I think that's something where it's like you're go directly up. I'm going to abuse this, I'm gonna do it too long. It feels it's the immediate results.

Things like when I'm so congested from the allergies, I just need some because I can't think at all when I'm congested.

Do you have allergies in your house?

Not in my house, but there's always something because LA doesn't get rid of the stuff you're allergic to, right, Yeah. So it's like most days I'm fine, but whenever there's like a season of like tiny seasonal shift, like for like a two weeks, I'm just like, yeah, please see I just.

Was I was having a I thought it was mold. I don't know. And I'm two days in having multiple air purier fires in my house and I was sneezing outside. Oh it works. I did not. I can't believe. It's one of those things where it's like, how did I just discover this? Now?

It truly it's it makes the air of the house so much better. But yeah, I have like three air purifiers, the Dyson ones in my house. I just I need it. I have to.

I need to Breathe never paid attention to them until recently and it's great and.

You clean them out to you're like, oh my god.

Well there's times where because for it went so long without rain, we went so long without rain that there was just like all this accumulated pollen. And then there was apparently I remember reading something about how there was like if normally there's three hundred thousand whatever of pollen in the air like that, now it's you know, wait, what's the first number. I gave three hundred thousand, Yeah, whatever, Now it's two million or something. Where the parts per air,

It just never stopped.

Man, I'm it's funny that someone.

Look up all that, Yeah, because honestly that nobody look it up. Somebody put on.

The most anti science information that what am I saying?

What am I saying?

Well, there is no I don't know why. I constantly I just could not breathe all the fifteen years I was in Venice living by the ocean. The minute I got out of there and moved downtown, I could breathe. I'm allergic to the ocean. You would think that's the air that everyone strives for the ocean. Yeah, yeah, beautiful ocean air, a dolphin, gander and.

I but that's where life came from. You would think it's fully kicked your bloods hard out.

When I'm at the beach, I can't breathe.

Oh my god.

No one really weird. No one tells this story. I don't know what it is.

Somebody, honestly, we should. I'm glad you told the story. Yeah, but it does.

Make sense if someone says, oh, I have no allergies in the desert, like or maybe I'm thinking of our thread.

It kind of reminds me of do you remember those like it was a reality show, like there was no talk shows where they had those kids that were allergic to the sun and they had to hang out at night. Oh yeah, some of those kids, I don't no one's ever checked back.

And they're kind of like the bubble boy type of children. Or it's just like they really couldn't be like, no.

There's they're allergic to sun or UV raised so they can only hang out at night.

Yeah, this is where I used to park for MBAR.

Is it We're still around? So?

What what is that?

That?

What is that called I've never even heard of aldren that can't be in the sun.

It was just it might be in a fake talk show thing.

It was like a rare disease.

You know.

They loved the feature, like, oh, this child is suffering in this way.

Like Donahue.

It's just like that.

Stuff you should not be watching as a child, that you absolutely can't stop watching as a child.

And also like the like like the people that like aged very old, very young.

He's twelve, but he looks like he's eighty nine.

Yes, that's what I love. The big babies.

I love a big baby, just a gigantic Yeah.

And they just had like, oh my baby weighs fifty pounds. I'm like, absolutely break them out.

Yeah, please tell me he smokes.

Oh the smoking baby. Oh wow, Oh yeah, that did.

I thought that was that he was like such an adult.

He had been he'd seen some ship that baby.

You know. Sometimes that's how I guys to pick the habit.

So, do you have anything you want to plug or talk about that we.

Didn't get to.

Well, there's a season two of Survival with Thickest. He's going to be out on Netflix on March twenty seventh, and I'm very proud of that. I make a small appearance as a drag queen working at a bar. So oh that's great for the giant woman.

She's tall.

I'm so excited. I haven't watched any yet and I'm going to start from scratch. Yeah, I totally She's slept on.

Selle is like one of the best people.

Michelle Buteau.

And also we have Michelle Bute's podcast Adulting. They retired from it, but we still have it in our catalog. So listener if you want to hear two hilarious people, Michelle Buteu and Jordan Carlos.

What are you do? You have a podcast as well?

I'm just free and hanging out.

You've had one?

I did have one? Okay, good, I probably should bring it back. I'm just not doing it. I need to be active again. Yeah, I should care about I'm reintroducing myself into the world of standum comedy after like taking a little bit of a break.

So I'm that was going to be and Naya one hundred percent understand that.

But you absolutely have to your your voice is very important and stand up coming.

Oh and it's it's so demeaning and degrading and I'm so happy to hurt all these men's feelings. I miss it so much.

But I started following you on TikTok and you're doing an amazing job on TikTok.

Yes, it's an absolute to do that. I didn't know you fo.

Yeah, I'm on there, except for I made the ultimate mistake because I'm fully addicted to TikTok and so in it. And then uh, I fucking deleted the app the day that they because I was like, I don't want to stare at it, like I don't want to just sit here and not be able to access it. And literally twelve hours later, Bridge's like, yeah, it's over, the the ban is over, and I'm like, wait what and I go to download it again.

They look, you can't do it.

Yeah it's yeah, it's not so legal.

It was a political stunt. Well, I also want you to stand up again and remind you. I'll make you happy.

I don't know if this is out. Yeah, I'm being around town in LA doing stand up. So find me. Hunt me down, don't hurt me down, actually never mind, just look me up there. Gently approached me, Gently approach me, I wrote, I can't wait, Yes, yes.

Yes, no tight pants please?

Yeah, well, no wear type pants. I want to see what you're carrying, right, right?

Do not bring tight pants for me to then wear. Thank you for being honest.

So much appreciated. I missed you too.

You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride? Do You y In? This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Troy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cotner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgareff.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n Ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome