S4 - Ep. 60 - Chris & Karen

Are you leave the I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino.

And gay ad.

We want to send you off in style. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris.

Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgara. It's good to see you. It's good to see you too. I've been gone, yeah and I'm back. Welcome home, Thank you. How was it? It was great. I went to Montana for a quick visit, but it didn't seem quick. You know why. I think we went through four different seasons. Oh well yeah. And my theory about seasons making life seem to drag on if you're pessimistic, or last longer if you're optimistic, is true.

Absolutely, and maybe even an event, because that all sounds like kind of danger weather sometimes right yeah, here and there.

It was riddled with events, so that probably is also why it It was just a quick trip that didn't seem quick. It seemed like a nice, nice week. It's fun to do. I did a festival in Bozeman, and there's a comedy club in Montana now and I've wanted that my whole life, and there's a local scene and Montana comics. I mean, that's something I thought would.

Never happen, and now it's happening.

It is happening, And when you got there did they reject you at first? And then you had to win them over by a series of trial and error, and so on the day it rained, you had to go to one of their house, like.

Tell us about it, right, No, it was not like you know, our experience at Bridgetown where you're there isn't like it seems like you're all hanging out together. I had shows. I had a show in Livingston and I had to drive to this town and there was an audience and a couple openers, and I didn't see anyone

As you walk down the street, you're yelling that usually rolled.

Down my window. Especially when I was driving through with California plates. People were literally flipping me off, like look at this California guy. Yeah, coming with his not so shiny o eight Honda a Cord, and then I'd roll rolled out my windows. I went to packs and then they're like, oh, okay, okay, yeah.

I mean that's kind of a funny thing too, because the assumption is, oh, you're only from California and you're only coming like this story could only be that that you are a transplant from California, that you weren't coming back to your home.

Yeah, God forbid. I left and tried to make something up myself Jesus Christ.

And now he's bringing money back into the community and you're pushing him away.

I think I'm gonna make a T shirt that says I grew up here, and if I go to Spain, I'm gonna make a shirt that says I'm only here for a week. I leave Wednesday, and I.

Won't drag my roller suitcase across the cobblestones and keep you up at night the way every other tourist assholds.

Holding my phone in the air, trying to get a signal. Pardon me, do you speak English?

I mean, because I do.

Think It's like the air beification of the world has made people hate each other.

But they shouldn't hate each other. They should hate Airbnb.

Who is, you know, encouraging people to rent out their apartment and so suddenly you're, you know, your neighborhood that truly was just a normal neighborhood is now some sort of like a tourist area with a bunch of loud We could say Americans. We could also say British, we can say any number of foreigners that they don't like.

But like right, and oh my gosh, when I went to Vancouver that it was almost eerie. How there's just condos everywhere and they're all empty and just solely being used for Airbnb, and whoever owns them is living somewhere else because they can make more money renting out their their home. Yeah, to pay you know, the mortgage and then also the little place where they have to raise their kids. And then they look off in the distance and see they're nice place that they used to live their high rise.

Yeah, exactly, Yeah, isn't It's not ideal.

It's not a good situation.

But welcome to economy Talk.

Hey, we need to talk about the realities of the housing crisis.

Yeah, everybody, it's a comedy podcast.

For God's sake, we all know that it started in two thousand and eight, the crash. Yep, that's all I know. Goodbye, Maybe I should do some research. Goodbye.

Oh is that my sister?

Oh that's so funny.

Every time, But it actually wasn't her this time. Oh okay, can't blame her. I can't blame her like I like to.

I'm still gonna blame her, even though that with someone else, she had them, she had them call.

She's she's having other people call so well pick up.

So by the time this we're probably in the midst of Halloween fever. I'm burning up. Yeah, it's sure hot out here for fall, y'all. I have no idea what I'm going to do costume wise.

Let's talk through what your options are. You could go current you know pop culture. Sure, what are your choices there?

Ooh boy? I mean if I could rattle a bunch off, there would be no problem.

Oh I see, yeah, I get you.

Yeah.

What if you dress up like Taylor Swift? I'm just saying to kind of turn everything on its ear. But then you'll also get a lot of positive attention from swifties and the people you meet in the street.

I would not dress up like Taylor. I would wear a giant like board, like foam board, and I would print on it her tweet of support for the where she says signed lovingly a single cat lady. Yeah, I would have that tweet and I'd walk around as as her tweet about that.

That's a good idea.

That's a good idea.

This is okay, let's just keep doing this for a little while.

You know, I do like objects, okay, that aren't human or characters. You know, I'm not gonna go it's Frankenstein or something like that. It has to be an object.

When you say object, first thing I think of as the world's most popular object right now, the cyber truck.

What if you go as a cyber truck. This is a good idea, covered with raccoons. Yes, and then as the driver, I could be human garbage. That's why they're climbing in.

Yes, because there's human garbage driving that thing.

It's great.

This is really great.

And someone will if I dress like a trash man and create this geometric car that I'm walking around in spray painted silver, it's gonna cost me a total of twenty bucks. Yep. People will see, oh, you're a trash man, and I, of course I have to have a raccoon peeling up the hood. Yes, that's a whole story.

And lots of raccoon prints, which just so you know, lots of people know that story because I've seen lots of people talking about it and like sharing it and.

Stuff like, yeah, yeah, I love it. You know what we did it. I think that's what I'm gonna do. That was a two pitch process. That's I love it. Yeah, thank you, you're welcome. This is I thought that a garbage driver.

What yeah you did?

No, No, you were right there with it. What other things we need to get solved today? Because that's the right now.

Well, let's go back to the economy, because we are we are the one. We're on a one two punch cack where we just solve things with two ideas.

Easy, easy, we sh Do you want to back up a costume idea in case that.

Falls apart somehow?

Because I literally might fall apart, literally a boy. My backup will be utilizing the fake legs I made last year for my elvis on a toilet.

Sure was that last year?

It had to be the year before. It feels like it's five years ago. But you know it's your life.

Not mine.

You're right, maybe it was three years ago. I didn't use it again. It's just in my garage. You see that that place is called Ribs against the Machine.

I'm not kidding.

A restaurant called Ribs against the Machine right here in Glendale, California.

Everybody that's almost stealing my idea for a restaurant called let the Pizzas hit the floor. Let the pizzas hit the floor, Let the pizzas hit the floor. Let the pizzas hit the floor. Have you seen the cover of it's them whoever? It is not disturbed the system of down. It is a little more U nickelbacky uh the band that does let the hit the floor. But someone did the a like Kids song version cut with the live performance. Oh, we're going the wrong way and I'm so scared.

No, and can tell us we can't.

It's like, let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. But it's actual footage of them all sweaty at like oz fast. And I don't know why if someone described it like I just did to you, I don't think it sounds like something I would watch ten times in a row, but I sure did. It's a damn delight.

It worked.

Yeah, I'm here to promote that. We're in a Let's Mum and pop coffee shop Stoll. Hi, Can I get a medium dunk a latte? Okay? I was looking for, like an iced coffee drink?

Is it?

Are you out of all coffee? Okay? Can I get a regular ice latte? Then?

And then do you want to drink?

I think I'm good on aalis? What would you like?

Oh?

Can I get a decaf iced coffee with a little bit of half and half?

And what size?

Oh? Like medium?

Can we get a medium decaf ice coffee with a little bit of what you say, half and half with a little half and half in it? And then I think we should get some munchkins, right, can we get the ten piece munchkins?

And that's gonna be it? Okay, thank you. I know we've talked about munchkins and it wasn't a conversation about the Wizard of Oz. Have we eaten them?

I think so we must have.

I think that they're the kind of item I would absolutely have to get if I was here.

Affirmative. Last time we recorded, we did.

Yeah, hi you, I've noticed several times you that this car.

Thank you.

That's a meeting.

Oh my god, thank you.

M it's so funny.

Thank you. Have a good one.

Yeah, your little map car embarrassingly drove through toilet paper.

But it's coming out the front more embarrassing.

Oh yeah, toilet paper because that means you moon walked out of the bathroom, that.

You wiped yourself as weird as you possibly could.

Yeah, that's what I do. And backwards day, I wipe the front and my moonwalk out. I'll take it all the way to the bathroom. I don't even give a ship. Yeah, I'm all backwards because today I'm doing my crazy character John Tesla. Should I should I crack these open? Please?

Do?

I mean dare I it's time for everyone's favorite sake?

Meant, what am I eating?

Food?

Cutting? Now?

Yes? I will yep. You can tell by that reaction that that was a chocolate one. Right, it was a jelly actually, oh, I would have thought more like a subdued with at once the jelly hits where you go by.

I started making cow noises.

Yeah, it's just just two tone, just two tone, like this first wave of SKA.

I think it's because although I was very excited to be eating a tiny jelly donut, it was a little dry to the point of I don't recognize what this.

What this substance is, right, That's exactly it. Plus it's we're really under a lot of pressure, the guilt of eating, not because the calories, but because we're recording. It always hits on that first bite, yep. But it's hard to say I'm sorry when you got a mouthful of deliciousness.

There's an essential selfishness to podcasting that I don't understand why the audience expects us not to eat. We're clearly narcissists that do whatever's good for us.

Right, and what's no longer good for us is doing what this podcast originally was let's go to the airport. We are driven by our own desires.

Yeah, and in this.

The world of twenty twenty four, who isn't exactly? I mean, it's just the way of the world these days.

Yes, which is good. Everyone should drive. Quit doing what other people want you to do. Yeah, that's right.

And what you should be doing instead of that is going to Dunkin Donuts, a strictly East coast rest that is now open on the West coast. The US West coasters are like, the hell's.

Going on over here? Why is this part of people's lives?

Right?

Why did they love it this deeply?

Right?

And you think, oh, it's for breakfast only for that balanced breakfast. No, we're having it at four pm. It's just between lunch and dinner. Munchkins. I still feel uneasy saying that. Are we sure that's just a character from a movie?

Yeah, I mean it's their trademarked product.

It's basically we're eating a big box in own balloonpus.

There's no other way to describe it.

And it isn't. I don't think it is negative toward Anyboddy or anything.

Okay, well I know, well now it's almost like people know when I'm thinking, but I'm dancing around it. Right, Well, the dance is over. I know you're looking for. Here we go a big finishing move where I explain. But I thought maybe it was a word that was tossed around for little people. And I'm glad it isn't. There's my finishing dance move. I promised that I delivered incredible. Yes, the audio equivalent of a robot.

I think that word is the source word for people being shitty to little people and so being casual about it when we're talking about donut holes feels like we're being pulled into some negative areas.

Exactly, so we have no interest.

In yeah business in right, it's not our that's not our thing. It's just a word I don't normally say, you know, it's it's to throw it in the category with moist and the other ones that people don't like. Portion, portion bothers you.

Oh my god, My sister and I.

It was the way my mom used to say it, and she would always it was always like a thing, you should take a much smaller portion, and we would both like my sister, I have a book like get creepy. When she would say it of like, please don't say that.

Word, right. I'm similar with the word vehicle, especially when someone puts a strong age in there, just a car.

Like any cop or law enforcement officer that's trying something in a TV show.

Yeah, vehicle, the word ascertained. Just use the word that everyone knows, quit trend to smarten it up.

They love vehicle.

What kind of heckle? The v kind? What hickel? That was a throwaway moment that never got a laugh in Robert Hawkins Act I It's so that's another example of early life for me with comedy. I memorized the acts of all the first comics I opened for Eddie Gossling, Robert Hawkins, everyone I thought it was funny. I watched their shows every night, and because your brain is young and you've done little damage to it, I still remember so many.

But Robert Hawkins is to me different because he is such a good comedian and such an original thinker. It's like there was just no way to not try to drink everything he said and did down, because it was just like I just need to know what the fuck

Yeah, and it was it was permission for me early on to do weird stuff because I remember, as funny as I thought, he wasn't as hard as all the other comics were laughing a lot of his best jokes weren't getting anything from the audience. In two thousand and one, Austin.

Well, he wasn't timing it so that they would get it. He was doing it either fast or subtle or whatever.

He was doing it for himself.

Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, and I still do that to this day when I know better. But it's what makes it fun. You know what else I don't like. It's not a word when a person makes any cat noise, a meow or a rare or a hiss, or especially on a sensual level, meow Like I will sever tieses on first offense.

They really your discussion nobody.

Yeah, do not me ow, do not make kiddy noises? Really, even if you're amazing at them and it's like, oh my gosh, no, I think that sounds like a cat.

No, the more realistic it gets, the more they're out.

Yeah, have you ever seen adults that do an amazing crying baby noise? No, because you leave before you can get to know them, because you're like, why did you learn this? Yes?

Yes, why aren't these cars going? What's that car doing?

That one's having trouble? Gotcha and they're over it now they're doing Okay.

They didn't realize that everyone was going.

And that one's just turning. But it did seem like, okay, if you're stopped before the intersection, is it bad that we're in the middle of it. You clearly see something about to happen.

You're going to delay us in just the perfect way to be. Oh, I'm going to take a nice little driver on this beautiful neighborhood.

I like it here.

Yeah, yeah, I like all the neighborhoods around studio lots.

Yeah, that's where the it's usually like a sound guy will live very close there because they're made of money.

What do you think came first the New York Film Academy or New York Seltzer Because there's a lawsuit with that font.

That's the fun is a total rip off.

Does anyone remember New York Celtz?

I could tell you all about New York Seltzer.

We as high school girls were convinced it was diet because it was Seltzer and it was clear, it was clear, and it was from New York and it said Seltzer, and we were like, oh my god, this is the best.

It'll get us through summer.

And I remember somebody I think it was my mom, being like, girls, that's just like drinking a coke.

And more so, it was on tap in Cordley and Idaho and Senior Froggies. Why I do not after none of us had seen those times bottles and the packaged like the wrapper around it was a thin layer of foam, that's what it was like a cushi. Yeah, yeah, And it was on tap into the two thousands and it was so sweet. Granted, you know, when you're doing your own pump fountain version, you can get the sweet levels too high.

Yeah, they may have just.

Deregulated, but as I recall sweeter than a mountain dew on a Sunday Sunday. The ice cream that's extra sweet.

I mean, just so remember drinking that and then think of all of us being so stoked that this was the new version of diet soda right where we were just like, this is going to be the best summer ever, Summer of nineteen eighty five.

Here we go.

Oh, I didn't know eating healthy could make my teeth hurt.

I'm so healthy. I now wear size twelve jeans.

Do you think this man walking a dog has ever been to a Renaissance festival?

Where?

Where? Where corner? That's the kind of thing where that's just bad radio he has.

I think he does own at least one sword.

Yes, he has a good but they're they're nice swords and they have meaning. They can tell you about him for five minutes.

He's and maybe it's something he studied, like he's he loves Japan or something like that. So he's like, this is actually a Katana. I'm not just one of those people, And you're like, no, I totally get it, knowing full well least one of those people.

There is a horrifying DVD that I was handed outside of Ace Hardware once that said cold steel colon more Proof and I was a promotional DVD. They were just handing it out. I took it home and it's the most insane rewatchable with twelve of my friends laughing out loud. It starts with this is how sharp our knives are, and you can send them back and most sharpen them. It almost seems like a cutco video. And then it gets into the swords and the like javelins and they're

From inside the car.

Yes, it's like it's supposed to be a comedy video.

That then turns into a horror movie.

Yeah, but I when I worked for Fuel TV, we had to do these interstitials just to you know, play between commercials, remind people that they ordered deep cable. And I found that guy. Oh shit, yeah, Cold Steel is in Ventura, and he drove down and we did this sketch where I was like on a date and that her dad comes home and he cuts through the wall and there's a sword and we used a smoke machine. It was like really insane, but he knew it was

A javelin, like what is the very specialized sports supply.

In the video when they throw it at a rubber rat, it says these javelins are great for dispatching vermin. And I couldn't stop but think, Yeah, it's I thought of vermin, like telling a taxi where to go pick up a client. Dispatch dispatch a javelin. Yeah they yeah, these are great for killing and they were very expensive, like they're handmade swords. Anyway, that's the kind that guy who we've totally forgotten about, the nice boy with long hair and flip flops.

He was just a nice way that played the bass, and we put a whole other world onto him.

I'd standard biz sword collection.

Yeah, I know I've told you this story, but it just makes me think of one of the scariest experiences of my life. But nothing actually happened where I had to bring my dog to the dog park, my dog, George, who used to have to run like a horse every morning or she would lose her mind. And so I'd bring her up to the Hollywood dog Park at like six.

In the morning.

And one morning I was up there by myself with a dog running in circles, and I look up on a hill and there's just a guy in a full ninja outfit with a mask over his face, just doing sword sword exercises.

With the real sword or with the real sword Oh yeah.

So I was at the dog park with the sword guy, and I was just like, what's gonna happen?

Now?

Is this how I die? That's pretty picturesque.

Yeah, he can't bring I mean, that guy, he knows what he's doing. You're supposed to bring your wooden kendo sword. Yes, please show me you're practicing, yes, but no he was.

And also he was on a far hill, so it's not like I was like, well, if this guy starts running, at least we'll have a decent chance to run to the car. But like again, you just don't want to be anywhere where. It's just you and a guy and.

His sword who has his face covered.

Face covered, outfit. Everything about it was I was like, well, we may not get out of this. George. It's been great raising you dog park. You're great to buy everybody.

Oh wow, that is terrifying.

It's a little wild.

Yeah there. Yeah, there's a lot of eccentrics up in those mountains this town.

Who's I just talking to about it?

Oh?

My front page who just came home from like being in the East Coast and she's from the East Coast and she's like, yeah, I just got back to La. I'm like, I know, you'll it's okay, you'll rebalance. It takes a couple of days. She was like, yeah, this is this is a hard one page.

That's been your last comic standing page. Your friend, yes, yes, she's my friend and your friend and yeah, and my friend too. Yeah I add I said that as if it was a third option. My friend and your friend.

And also my friend too.

But let's not forget also your friend.

That was Actually what you just did is a classic youngest sibling move, which is you know you're not going to be remembered or considered, so you are just in a constant state of fighting for your spot all of life.

Yeah. Yeah, Or it's just a classic podcast habit where I have to get in the last word.

Well, I mean whatever, Holy shit, there's a poster. This is SNL fifty. It's been on for fifty years.

I guess that makes sense. Good God, wow, quick? Who was the first cast?

Did I win?

Elaine Boosler? Is that one? No, I'm making up a name.

Loraine Newman.

Lorraine Newman, I wrote in a van with her once.

Did you make her talk about us?

And now I did not recognize her. We just talked about regular stuff, nice, Like the time I went to Montreal and I was on a bus and I thought, well, no one here is affiliated with comedy. And I sat next to Zoe Friedman, not having any idea who she is, and she didn't know who I was, and we just had a nice chat, nice and both of us realized, oh, you're here for the thing. Oh yeah, I'm here for that too, And it's like, too late, We're already friends, and that friendship has prevailed.

Really, yes, fine.

Every time I see Zoe, I'm like, remember that time we met on a bus and we became friends before we knew comedy was the thing we had in common. And we're both walking away from each other as we say that's.

Why, and she's like, stop talking about that.

I swear she's also bringing it up. Actually it is usually she likes it too. Upon further introspect, it is always me. It is always me.

It's a fun joke.

This is a very nostalgic area for us, both, yes, especially you. Yeah, in your old.

Neighborhood, it's my old neighborhood. It seems relatively the same. But I think this is one of those This is a Bozeman situation where all the people live here. I mean, I lived what I would call adjacent to the rich people live to look like.

But yeah, I like this area. It's nice.

It is nice. It's it's one of those parts of Los Angeles where you suddenly realize, oh, I could be in any town right now.

Yep, it's very normal.

This is why I like the valley, because it's definitely much more like people that are just trying to like get like the honey baked ham story used to be right there.

People are just trying to get ham. It's like that kind of vibe.

Let's just get a nice, a nice fun ham for twelve and see what we can stir up.

I do not even try to give me ham that isn't baked with honey.

What else would you put on it?

Yeah? I need savory, sweet ham. You know what, I'm off the ham. I don't think I've eaten ham for years.

I don't like ham.

Actually, yeah, it's squeaky.

It's too salty.

It's too salty. It's too squeaky. It's so salty it makes me You're right, I do want honey on it to balance out this saltiness.

I wonder if you know how they say that, like in the morning, you should get up and then you should drink water that has salt in it, and da dah da. It's like kind of a it's like one of those influencer this is the best way to spend your more. I wonder if that also applies. What if you get up.

And then you drink some water and then you just eat a little slice of ham. Yeah, it's a lot of salt. Yeah, the salt is good for getting rid of sore throats or canker sores.

Yeah.

Yeah, Well it's the only reason I've ever knowingly drank salt because I feel the old lymph nodes are swelling.

Well, apparently it's the new workout trick or something.

I don't know. I also don't like ham because I like little pigs. But sometimes when I'm eating something and no one tells me and there's bacon in it and it's in my mouth, I'm like, oops, this is a delicious mistake. Yeah, and I finished eating it and I like it.

It's not your fault that someone tricked you into eating something. With the intelligence of a fifth grader.

I'll eat anything if someone else puts it in my mouth and blind folds me.

I'll eat anything that has the intelligence of a fifth grader.

Fight, Okay, I'll never that's it. I didn't know what grade they were in. Yeah, it's getting worse and worse.

Yeah, most of them are from Jeff Foxworthy's show Are You Smarter Than a fifth Grader? It's the featured fifth graders that they make cam.

Out of everyone. Everyone forgot that existed until now wait did they did have actual fifth graders? Yeah? So a long divisi. I would be petrified to play that because I know math that they're currently learning that I've since forgotten because as we all knew when we were learning it, you never end up using this math again. No, because way long division multiple multiplication of fractions. I a kid would mop the floor with me.

Yeah.

But also it's like you have a calculator or you you're paying somebody.

Else to do it, right.

It's really the use of it.

It just doesn't make sense why they focus so much on that and they don't focus on like emotional intelligence or using logic to get your way out of something dumb you got into, right, anything like.

That be helpful school when we were kids. Yeah, yeah, the gaps. How about anything about another country? Can we learn anything.

Anything about history?

Can I please have one Civics course that isn't taught by a gym teacher.

It was just going through the motive. Some gym teachers love it and mean it. Yeah, then when the when they're faking it, I mean, there's I actually took a class in college before before I went ahead and left skateboard, and it was a history class. I was very excited to take because it was like ancient Rome or something where I was like, Oh, I don't know anything about this, and I would really actually.

Like to be educated on it.

And this teacher was had this clearly taught this class for like twenty years and was just reciting out of her book that like it was almost random the things that she was saying. It wasn't like linear, it wasn't chronological right anything.

Here's why Columbus is a hero. Like that. They still taught that when I was in high school. Yeah, and I knew. I was like, wait a minute, haven't we heard opposite? Oh that's what's in the book. And you have a football game tonight.

Do you just got to do it?

Yeah?

Get it done?

And yeah, when I want to go back when I said Jim teacher, I did mean like the football coach who I didn't know had any academic role at the high school. And then all of a sudden, you're going to learn about the world. And he's still wearing his bike shorts, not for bicycling, but.

That the brand.

Yes, only that's like that. There's an age cutoff that won't remember the short polyester coach shorts that say bike on them, and the very fun realization as a kid that bike in French means penis so much fun. Yes, is that true? You mean the part of the body I can see most vividly in this man. That's what's written on the back.

The vivid penis of a gym coach. Oh, this man's walking through traffic against the like.

Yeah, at least there's a cautionary swing to his arms.

Yeah, he's making a little bit of a scene about it.

Yeah.

I hate those ones though.

Yeah, I don't understand the you know what, I'm going to go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Style of jaywalking?

Especially in this because listener, we are in the intersection of death here in the valley in North Hollywood. It's the intersection of cam Rio and Grisham and Vineland.

As you zoom in now on a Google map, you look at it. Yeah, you're in a satellite mode. We'll wait.

It's so find that and see that it is shaped like a pentagram.

Yes, this is the Devil's crossing.

And luckily there are lights so that people can't just do it willy nilly. But like every I've lived in this city for thirty years, I never know if I'm doing it right in the center set.

Yeah, and it's so scary. Yeah, and there's even median islands. So what is this. It's actually just three roads, but they're divided up so it becomes six. Yeah, it's like six one way roads all going It's case. Please again, look at Google. I'd rather be blindly going through the round about at Big Ben.

I'd rather be fishing.

My other car is a bicycle. My other car is my gym. Just bike shorts. I are believe people are gonna want that in the merch.

Now, we're gonna have to do a deal with the bike shorts company.

They're like, we got one. They go back in business. We're like the it's the eighties again. My other car is my gym teachers bike shots. It's so funny.

Ah, it's you know what it is. It's those donut holes talking.

That is. It's right now we are on a rapid fire sugar high. Yes, and come up on this light as it turns red, we're both going to crash. Yes, metaphorically.

I mean I was just talking to I think it was Alison Agasti the other day about that.

That.

Basically I finally learned later in life that what I was doing all through kind of her school in high school was just getting high on sugar. It was like and then at some point later in high school I started drinking, which is like, oh, this is way better,

It really is early. Let me get the energy needed to entertain other kids early in life. It's your first version of alcohol. Yeah. Alcohol coincidentally, as you're an adult in your body. After you drink, it turns to sugar, turns to sugar. Yeah, that's why we're all walking around with a limp two much sugar.

Especially her.

That's more of a style strut, I think.

So.

Yeah, she's got her tote bag. She knows why she's scott it.

He knows how to toty, she knows.

She totally knows that it's meant for one book and a stock of celery. She's like, I don't go to school. I'm just walking around.

This is there's a college around her somewhere, so there is like a collegey atmosphere for this, like three block radius.

It's kind of yeunny in the valley.

It's true because I went to the twenty four Hour Fitness just like, oh, I'll try out this new one, since I've been with them so long that I pay like twenty dollars a month.

You've been with them so much.

I've been with twenty four Hour Fitness back when they were called Northwest Jesus. Uh no, that's my bank. Northwest turned to Wells Fargus. Whatever. The point is, they were a different gym. You were with Wells Frog before her. Yes, the wagons before the well, the wagons people went in and bought the Northwest people. I think the wagons we're always around. But I remember one day I'm just like, hey, congratulations, you're the bank that reminds you of Oh yeah, okay,

You can I make a suggestion, yes, please, because I'm taking credit for part of this. Of course, you know I think you should put my name somehow in the license plate anyway.

We can talk about that later.

Oh yeah, of course, of course, yes.

But what if.

You do it so that it's like the gas tank and do we know it's they don't take as but the charging port.

Whatever, the flex capacitor.

The flex capacitor where for you inside the box, you're just gonna turn right and then you're right next to that door. But then to everybody else it looks like you're way inside the car.

Oh maybe I should drop some Yes, I'm.

Gonna need to see a sketch because I got a lot. And when I said, oh, that's an interesting way of looking at it, the kind that's so confusing, I don't understand. That's a new angle.

That's a great suggestion that I have no idea what you're talking about. I guess I don't really know what I'm talking about either, but I love talking about ideas.

It's funny that you're excited about this because I since we first started this podcast, I had dreams of us going live and going on stage with a cardboard cutout of a car but our little feet like pretending we're driving on stage. Yes, and I know now that neither of us really wanted do that.

Oh I think we can.

It's like my eighth grade performance of Little Old Lady from Casadena.

Yes, love that.

Yeah, all I needed was a white wig and a cardboard cut out of a car and little to no lips sync training. But I think that this car, the cyber truck, is perfect to be made with cardboard because it's all angles and lines. Right.

Also, you could do a much smaller right, you could do like a tiny cyber truck. That's funny, right, Like you could just make it reasonable size so that you don't get trapped.

It's not another jail costume, right.

Like maybe it's just all sitting on my shoulders. I mean, I could make a.

Little car so that you don't You're not so in a refrigerator box like you were that year at Bridgetown.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm very excited.

Yes, when you truly were.

Trapped, and then when I got yelled at by hotel staff, I pretended it was something done to me when I consciously crawled into a box.

Yeah.

Uh, I drove us back through this intersection again. Yeah, this guy's gonna kind of swing out somehow, less scary this time.

Yeah, that coming this way is better.

Yeah, it's the diagonal route that scares me the most.

Yeah, I'm always there's also one way you go, and you're kind of taking a very slight left every time.

I just bail and go straight.

Well we're okay now, Sorry, I just all of a sudden, there's moments, and it happened while I was on stage. I can't blame the altitude or although I was up pretty high. I just because I opened for my pal Reggie in Bozeman, Nice and there was a moment where I just drew a blank and then that thing where your your brain it's like, you know what, how about you let this stretch for a good twenty seconds and I kind of just was a screensaver for a minute, and did.

You was it like the laughter was dying down or was it just quiet?

And you remained it was quiet? And I did it long enough to where they started laughing because they're like, what's happening right now? And then I just went back into doing stand up night. I just pretended it didn't happen, but it did bother me when I laid down to sleep that night, Yeah, it really And rich Hall was there that he lives. He lives in Livingstone, was he

You don't get up in their business.

No, not before a show.

You didn't say please sign my Snagglets book.

No I didn't. He said will you do that Tom Cruise joke? Yeah he was. He was really cool though, and his wife was really sweet, and yeah, all good times. But I did have that. I thought I had control over that, but I will. There's a voice in my head that occasionally says, I wonder what it would feel like to kind of screw up for a minute, and then I do it to myself. Yeah, like a weird self sabotaging moment.

Well, but in stand up that's the only way.

Self sabotage is really the only way unless you're going to blame things on the audience. But ultimately that's the that's the trick of who's really in charge here, you or your or the thing in you that makes you make those decisions.

Yeah, the answer is the thing.

Yeah. Usually usually I have control, but sometimes I still lose it.

You know, how long had it been since you did a set?

You know, I took quite a while off and then out of nowhere, Flannagan gave me a night at Largo, and so I did like eight shows that week. This was a couple of weeks ago, and figured out a lot of stuff in that time, and also realized, oh my god, this makes me happy. Yeah, Like, if I do stand up several days in a row and then lay down to sleep, I have zero regrets. I'm like, oh that makes me happy. I forget all the time. Yeah, cause I you know, get focused.

On the negative.

Yeah, or just skateboarding or something which makes me happy, but it does not make me go to bed thinking I'm doing everything I should with this life. Yeah, but yeah, today a little bit of everything's im I want to become really good at like I'm gonna do this and this and this tomorrow and to stop and I've been painting again. I just want to have a nice balance, healthy balance of all the things I like.

Yeah, good, Yeah you should. I think this has been a perfect episode.

Yeah it has. I mean, clearly we're running out of scheme. I can't. I'm still amaze. You got a scheme powered car.

I look, it's funny. Elon said that I would like it. I said, buddy, don't please don't call me on this phone anymore.

Right, Yeah. I just like how when we slow down it goes to cho Yeah. People like it. People around here like you, people like it, people like your old powered car. Well a good this is a good catch up. Yes, let's eat all the rest of these donuts.

Let's do it. Thank you for listening to us.

Yes, tell your friends yeah, yeah.

And rate and review and subscribe. That's always a good way to support the podcast. You like, rate, review, subscribe and judge us. You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?

Dyn a R.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarriff.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com. Thank you, Oh You're welcome