S4 - Ep. 59 - James Adomian

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Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairman, This is Garriff. We are immediately picking up our guests. You know our guest today from clubs and colleges across the country has been hitting the road circuit, real hard road circuit. Put your ears together for James Agman, thank you Hello friend.

Hello friend.

Yes when you texted Chris and I, I don't have your phone number for some reason, and it scared me so badly. It was like, hey, guys, where I'm like, Nope, don't answer that. And then I finally texted Chris. I was like, who was that. He's like, it's Jason DOOMI oh right, because I.

Was like, oh, yeah, I could have asked real time.

I'm hoping that I had a very like strange message where it's like hello, I've been waiting.

Hello, my skin is soft as yours.

Yeah, it's dare you meet me again? So soon after our last crossing, an.

I'm getting texted by that bridge troll again.

How are you?

I'm good. I'm glad this has worked out me too. I was in I did some miscalculations of some I love how the people look on the Testla. I've never seen the people the map before. Yeah, I've always seen the cars that they have, and this is an updated version because now it's got.

People and it showed her fall down and then she disappeared. There was a person laying down really for a brief second that was amazing.

Could you let me.

Thank you?

Yes, it's a major important new Tesla.

Tesla components we have animations of there's basically five kinds of people that we've spent billions of dollars animating all the potential human targets.

When I looked, it didn't seem like it was showing the children, and I'm like, that's very Tesla to be like, we don't see the.

Children at this point.

We like most human minds, we assume that the children may or may not be there. They're like a schrow dinner's child. And it is not until the Tesla hits the object that it is revealed, whether it was a child, older, simply fire hydrant or something.

Yeah, elon, do you have any kids yourself?

I have more kids than I'm able to count.

I've lost some of them to the woke mind virus. I have children. I have multiple children from somehow. I have more mothers of my children than the children themselves.

Oh wow, And yes, there's there's.

Like I believe actually that people should including gay people. This is something I said recently, is that I don't have a problem with gays except that they don't have enough babies.

Right, that's that's kind of obviously.

This is something that most people like agree with me.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I think i'm nine or twelve children. Yeah yeah yeah wow x.

Yes, the it is the town hall that we all have.

It's a human there for you.

Yeah, it's great, it's going great. We've gotten rid of all that, We've gotten rid of so many of the fake accounts. Yeah, really, Yes, we've cleaned it up a lot, a lot of fake accounts that we're posing as verified celebrities, right, and we've replaced them with actual verified accounts, which are obviously people that tend to be of agreement on the issues of the day.

Yeah, people outside of cities.

Yes, and a lot of them.

A lot of our verified people are you know, you might say, oh, they come from the same IP address in Poland, but like that's the way the demo democracy should work, you know, true.

Yeah, yeah, style, that's just because that's where the server is, right.

Well obviously, yes, yeah, I mean you're you're obviously someone that I would probably elevate your way of thinking on a truly democratic platform when I say that, I mean obviously not the Democratic Party, like something more tray cool than that, which is like elevating the voices of thought leaders.

Do you show up to work?

Like?

Are you at the office?

I sleep in the office a ship and a cot on top of a SpaceX rocket. I have little tunnels that I build for myself, and I just kind of I don't get the ferments to build them outside of my different campuses from various communist municipalities. But I am able to take my little, my little tubes underground from one.

Side of the SpaceX campus to the other.

Question.

That's probably a good thing about moving to Austin, Texas. There's no building codes at all.

Right, it's a great place, great place for like free speech, you know, free speech where and obviously when you talk about free speech, when someone says I believe in free speech, you know exactly what they believe in.

Yes, and I'm when you say I'm I'm a freethinker. That means that you believe a certain set of beliefs. We all know that. But they are the correct ones.

Yeah, yeah, free thinking has its constraints.

You know, when you see someone and I love these people, these are the ones that I think of as like great minds. You see that they say, oh, I believe in free speech, freethinker not into your pronouns. You know that that person is like definitely they're going to have like some Marcus Aurelius quote in their profile. Yeah, and also like a marble statue will be their profile picture. Sure.

Maybe some were those sunglasses that are so identifying with a free, free thinking mind.

Well, yeah, like so cool.

I mean, I know you're talking about Oakley wrap arounds, and I have some blades myself, but the lenses just work so well, I know, you know, I mean, well.

I think for those of us that have our third eye open, we need to have the kind of like obviously like shade from the sun from that third eye, and it could be.

The polarized lens, right, Yeah.

Yes, I think I'm trying to solve our polarized politics and also at the same time switch people into polarized lenses. We've got another guy walking by, and if you can see on the sidewalk, he perfectly matches this animation of a generic human figure.

He was Truman's show style sent down the sidewalk to be registered on this car.

Yeah, it's funny, you know when they don't.

You're in a hyper loop. Actually, this is all a simulation, all of it. Because when we cracked the idea that the Earth is a simulation, we said, why don't we just do it ourselves, become gods.

That's one of the things we're working on. When you picked me up as soon as we got in, what.

We're seeing is we're in a hyper loop that can't go very far because it's only permitted underneath the SpaceX campus here, right, And so this is all being generated to you at the same rate that you're pressing the gas pedal or i should say the electronic pedal.

Oh wow, in real time. That's amazing. It's weird how that guy's fedora was just a question mark. It wouldn't acknowledge the well.

Also, and you you know, we've tried to gamify because there's horrible accidents that happens, and if you've notice on the screen, it looks.

Like kind of a low five video game.

So we have gamified certain elements of it where if you do hit some guy to try to discourage you from it, much like Sonic the Hedgehog. You'll see on the animation that all of the rings will pop out of that he's been carrying with him. A big burst of rings will pop out onto the sidewalk, letting you know that you've made a mistake by hitting him.

It seems like though that would be encouraging.

Well, you can collect the rings, which is a way of that that helps us to signal to the relevant authorities.

And so there has been a casualty in the simulation.

When you see the way, people might argue that you're asking people that killed pedestrians.

To power up yourself, or there are certain kinds of limited low, low vibration people who would bring up that objection.

Yeah, that's me.

And what I would say, what I would say to that low but usually I would ignore the slow vivation.

But I'm happy to take this.

So what I would tell, what I would tell them in every such case is that, obviously, and this is something the great minds already know. Life is only with us for a certain half time.

And well, everyone knows we die. Is that what you mean?

Everyone knows who die? But do they really know it? Do they plan their lives around it? Because to me, it's a great honor to die in service of some kind of great sort of project, whether it's the Great Pyramids, the people who died building the Great Pyramids to me put themselves in service of humanity. Just look how useful the pearments are as technology today we all use them

That's interesting.

Yeah, sure what you're but you're more of instead of like from a line of you know.

Hard workers, very hard working entrepreneurs.

But you're a pharaohs.

So aren't you the one that sits there and like whips people and tells them what to do.

I have to do that for you, okay, So people in your office very.

Just just like just like COmON made sure that there was no.

Organization of sort of like a unionization of any of those workers as they were floating the blocks across the lake to assemble itself into to be assembled into the great monuments to his you know, supreme mind, it's just important. That's I'm just following his suss of course, how do you say? His name is obviously he was obviously the one.

Just forgot you actually from Canada. I read somewhere that's well, yes.

Person, there's a large part from the childhoods in Canada, and there was also a great amount of time spens in South Africa with My family is from South Africa and Rhodesia, which is the correct word for them.

Were they in the diamond business?

That's a great slur, A great slur, my family, it's a great It's almost as painful of a racialized slur as calling someone sis.

I'm sorry.

If you said that on.

Twitter, I would have had you been right and then reinstated if you had enough billionaires right that you should be or some guy named like cat liver Box or whatever.

Well, I know you took my check mark away, so it probably had something to do that.

But the answer is no, we were not in the diamond business. Primarily they were like incidental diamonds that we found in our minds. But primarily we were in like the business of rubies and emeralds.

That's fleets, obviously different. No one's ever heard of them. Emeralds.

Yes, we made great We took great pains to make sure that the term blood Emeralds never took off or blood ruby, which you think would.

Yeah, were those pains that you took were they in relation to actually protecting the people that worked.

At those mines.

It's very important that the people are protected long enough to keep bringing them jewels.

Out of the mind rue.

And we've extended this logic into all of the other there's cobalts and so forth.

There's going to power in these Tesla's.

Wow, it's really really really like really really cool stuff, like really tray cool, like Hollywood level, Like I.

Can't have you saying tray cool that much. I think I need to get out of Look.

It's like hyperlooping cool.

What is what's tray cool?

When we start, well, it's you know, it's just like, well to answer question. The other question was if I was Canadian, and that's true. I'm most of South African, so a mix of both, so max sence, it is a little strange for most people because I've lived in America so long and in Canada before that South Africa for that.

And I'm also like a.

Strange scientist, so I speak in the way that sort of like a doctor would write a memo, oh dropping like a lost of words here there. Yeah, And you can think of it as basically like a people say super villain, but I think of like, you know, like the color the color character of a James Bond movie, the interesting sort of wizard character of a James Bond's movie, the useful antagonist that I believe we should rewrite those Bond movies so that they are the ones that become listened to.

So Goldfinger would really be driving Goldfinger.

Wishes he did what I did. Think Goldfinger was only able to destroy. I'm a builder, so yes, Canadian and South Africa.

So I'm evil, but I very flied about it.

Yes, and kind of soft spoken, which is surprising to me.

Very also kind of like boring to do for too long, Yeah, sort of comedic sense. So I'm also shielded from that where you would think I'd be mocked much more often.

But there's a.

An essential sort of but there's we shut most of those people down. You'll notice that they never become famous. There's something that's that's I believe protective, like a protective shielding coaching about having a very boring sort of like just like everything is like obvious and I've already thought of it.

And never raising your voice of course.

Yeah, yeah, it's you would think this is the way things will be on Mars.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's supposed to bring me calm, but somehow it makes me nervous. Your stop is right here. We have to pick up Lewis Black. It's going to talk about read from a teenager's diary.

You're exiting the hyper here. Yeah, we're just gonna so you'll notice that the sun is going to become an impossibly horrific color for just two seconds. This happens whenever anyone enters and exits hyop. There's a visual shock, especially to the driver.

Damn, we missed your.

Stop by.

Yeah, he departicleized and then reassembled.

Yeah.

Hey hey, yeah, it's great to see you.

Good to see you.

Yeah, I'm glad we made room for you. Sorry about that other guy.

I know you got a tight schedule. I know you were doubling up rides.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're doing kind of like the uber.

Pool and I was running along on the running board of the car, like it's very interesting. You have this modern car, but you have a running board on the side like an old like an old Rolls Royce or something.

Yeah, it's kind of like, uh so like a footman.

I was standing on the side the.

Bank rubber from the thirties, you could.

Stand on the side either to help someone out in their carriage house.

Yeah, or also if you had a Tommy gun, you just be on the side of the.

Car Mind the puddle, milady. Yeah, let me throw down my jacket.

Yeah, make my You know I was loving.

I was makeay.

I was talking with somebody about this. How I love some of the language of the Three Stooges era. This is this is particular love where there was like, hey, smarten up, why don't you? Yeah, would you just.

Tell someone to get smarter?

Yes?

Smartting up there?

I love.

I think make Way would be an incredible name for a comedy album, make.

Way make Way, now that I think of it.

Clear Out. What is your new special called The Path.

Path of Most Resistance?

Yeah?

I like that. I like that.

Out now is it?

It's out.

It's on eight hundred pound Gorilla Media and and uh it's a as of September nineteenth. It's it's everywhere. It's streaming on YouTube. It's available for rent, for purchase, for for for rent and purchase.

You can do both. You you can rent to own.

Oh, you can lease until it's yours.

You could lease it till it's yours.

Passstance available.

Now what's your favorite part? Do you want to re enact it?

Yeah?

Oh god, yes, this will be.

This is yeah like morning radio. I'll cue you in a very unleashed way.

The podcast killed the radio zoo.

Okay, so what are people liking about it? Okay?

I do this act out of this this true idea of the trillion dollar coin, which is a real political idea, and it's it's so I'm like, I love this idea where Congress would pass the law and I'm not making

Because even when I was in high school, I asked the dumb cooin, everyone laughed at me. I'm like, if we're in debt as a country. Why can't we just, without telling the rest of the world, print more money and pay it off.

That's what we're slowly doing.

We're getting it.

Oh the chickens could do it so slowly that no one objects.

Oh my god. In sixth grade, I thought of that.

You're a visionary.

Yeah, I should have been running shit.

So wait, so the bit is about the trillion dollar Yes, So then I.

Guess that's the setup.

And then I say, you know, like, my one note is, you cannot have a regular ass coin size coin. It cannot be like a silver dollar sized piece of bullshit. If you're going to give me a trillion dollar coin, it has to be scaled up in diameter and in circumference, and it has to be most importantly hefty and unwieldy. It' too difficult to carry for the two idiot workmen, the Laurel and Hardy type stooges that are hired to carry it across the street from the Federal Reserve thing to

It a trillion dollars.

That kind of guy. You know, Hey, s bo, it's how much is a trillion dollars a head work? It's a million million more? No is that a million million or a million million?

It's the same thing.

And then they drop they drop it and it rolls into the Potomac River, a trillion dollar coin, little roll right in the river. Well, boss, I guess, uh make a week. You don't make a wish shut a trillion dollar coin, you mackerel.

Oh God, the language. That's what I love about the Three Stooges is every episode they had a different job, Like.

They keep getting high.

Yeah, and they suck up. They were piano movers. I've seen them be Civil War eradentists. I've seen them just doing light construction and they never finished a job. Yet they got all this freelance referrals to do unrelated gigs.

Yes, they no one went to the trouble of pulling down the recommendation posts.

Right, Yeah, the Three Stooges are pre yelp. But that's the benefit of like going from hey, we bake fancy cakes one star.

These these guys took the wooden fish off my wall and started sawing into it trying to eat it.

Do you know how much I paid for that swordfish?

They were hired. They were hired to simply change a toilet and they ripped the plumbing pipes out of During party.

They started fighting and not traditional fighting, mostly I poking, and then.

They slept an old fat lady.

There was a lot of violence that really, we got custard on my husband's Well, are they available for uh plumbing?

Yeah?

Yeah, well I gotta work cheap guys.

They used to play those It was three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy at the pizza place that we would go to and it would be like kids loving it and it would stress me out. So I'm like, why are they fighting this much? Are they brothers? What is wrong with these people?

Like, well, the stoes, you didn't know why they were It was like.

You disagree so much and like settle this ship quiet, you get the job done.

Like it was like so frustrating to me.

Never finished a job. No, they're just the work spot would blood everywhere.

Yeah, slap you were just allowed to slap people.

Back, yes, really and children yeah.

And it was just that was like the thought.

Now to us, it's kind of horrific where you're like, well, you have to warn the kids, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. But watch how funny it is.

Yeah.

Yeah, But back then it was like, well, it's a relief because in real life we're hitting each other so much. Let's go see some some movie where they show how it's not so bad. Yeah, you see their dad's.

Not the only one hitting people.

Yeah, we slap each other. The depression doesn't hurt as bad.

Yeah, and it's a great depression.

It's Yeah, it's.

Only funny to the men in the room of a certain age, right, there's never My mom hated.

It really, Yeah, I loved it, did she?

Yeah?

What was your mom like, James?

Yeah, well, my mom came from a family of her and her sisters were very funny, and so they would all they would do the Three Stooges voices. Yeah, they would do all that suff Yeah.

I guess I liked the voices. I guess I did like that part.

I really watched The Stooges for the for the ideas cinematic ideas.

Is it mo that has longing and lost like the parted black hair, He's scared? I thought, here's the scariest looking dude ever. Yeah, he's horrified.

He had old face, young hair, which no one likes.

Yeah, you didn't see that hair again until the Beatles.

Yeah, if you beatles up.

Stoops.

They brought it together and everyone's like screaming because they're like, finally the three Stooges makes sense.

His face.

You ever look at like a football team, like a team photo from the thirties, and they're all like eighteen years old, but they all look like moons. Yeah, they're all just looked like they woke up in a blanket a cigar, Like.

I had a high school sweetheart and I buried the last My.

Dad broke my nose when I was seven years old.

I guess that makes sense if everyone died at age forty five, of course you're gonna be.

I got a diet of dirt and potatoes. I take a bath once awake on Sunday. It's a bath and an old metal tub, and all.

The neighbors can watch me and come over.

Yeah, what are you looking at?

Season there's several nineteen forties things in my special. I realized, oh, there's that bit, and then I have a bit about castle Blanca and I have a bit about the Wizard of Oz and I'm like, in hindsight, I'm I'm like, oh, there's the whole thing about how I look.

I look like I look like the ninth.

Hottest movie star of nineteen forty nine. Oh where that did not have to be attractive to be a famous male actor?

And what's he sounds like.

He's like, hello, darling, I've got my bathing suit up above my well, above my belly button. Of course, I've been swimming and smoking at the same time all day. Now it's time for a cocktails three pm.

Wouldn't you say, yeah, yeah, all, yeah, of course I'm overweight, I'm I'm a leading man, heart throb. Of course I have a bit of a.

Yeah, of course I look like the father of the people who came to watch this movie.

Yes, it's funny to hear my dad describe like Clark Gable and oh I have seven feet tall and handsome, And then you watch these movies and it's just a yeah, guy, cigarettes for breakfast.

There's one like the first I think the first big Clark Gable movie.

Is it happened one night, And that sounds like it would be right that's.

The one where he looks kind of young. Yeah, and then after that it's just he ages five years every movie.

It's like a year for every one hundred bottles of gin that you drank.

Drunk right now, I mean, should we have a drink? Yeah.

Rhetorical, I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be on or off camera sober.

So Yeah. The special is an examination of my failure to account for myself being in this place and time. M So there's lots of throw throwbacks to another classic movies Days, among other things.

I love it when you did it? Where did you record it?

Uh, it's I did it at the Allegian, Oh, the Allegiant Theater.

You keep it local.

I did it local. I did the Allesion.

There's there's a there's a sweat problem in the special, sure, because it's the first one I filmed. I've only done shorter sets before a film, so this was the first time I filmed an hour.

Did you have a more than one layer of clothing on? Yes?

Because I mean this is this was an internal argument. I had something I wanted to wear and was like, James, you gotta put it in the classy button shirt. Over it.

I'm like, well, it's gonna make me hot.

And then I should have had a black T shirt, but I just had a dark gray one, so it was not dark enough.

There was the whole thing. Uh, I hate that sign. I just the billboard.

I just signed this. It's a right wing political billboard. Great, we're in a people who live on koang are weird, so we're in the Konga past. There's nothing about coyotes and weird people up here is a right wing politically.

Oh yeah, let's not turn left. Yeah, let's stay on the road.

Well, we've made rendered it impossible to turn left.

Don't have that ability to right turns only available in this So did you, of course start riffing on the fact that you that was a problem.

Well, there was a crisis between the two tapings, and they were like, and it's it's your us.

It doesn't matter how funny it is. It looks unusable.

Yeah, and there's this hole back and forth about what to do, and I was like, there's too many cooks in the kitchen. And finally I was like, okay, I'm not going to change the wardrobe just in case we can cut back and forth somewhere let it get wet at the same time that it did in the first show. Try it out, Let it get wet again. It's got and it did. It's gonna happen exactly the same time, and it's like it's the sweat is like a clockwork thing and makes so many pints per hour.

You were doing the jokes in the same order on each show, right, pretty much work so.

That but the second time I just addressed it in the room when it was happening, and we ended up only using the second show because it's a fog machine that was weight. There was like twice as much fog in the first taping, and then it would look like a different place.

I'm going to set a meeting with the eight hundred pound grilla.

They were good. It wasn't them.

They were great. They were really great, and I have no complaints.

But the second shows hilarious.

I don't know, just to give it like a it's funny ground.

The one time I headlined the improv, they're like, do you want anything? And some for some reason, I said, how about a fog machine?

Wow?

And then I was just distracted by the fact that I had a remote and I had control over it and so my home on stage. Yeah, so everything became a magic trick instead of a joke.

So that's why they've banned fog machines.

It's fun.

Yeah, I started the band. Uh, but I'm they don't care about those roles. At the Allegian. That's so great. I'm glad you had a fog so.

Yeah. Then I was like addressing it every like fifteen minutes. I'm going like, wow, here it is, folks. I look at a pig that crawled out of the ocean.

That's so great.

If you addressed that, something went wrong, Yeah, and it's as if it went right.

Yeah, that's right. I always wanted I escape with these guys every morning and we're all the same age and it's before noon, but you still go for it. Oh, I four times a week. I'm filming a video part for escape video and he's really pushing me.

And bombing out. Huh.

I can't. I can't. The fifteen year old version of me won't let me be bad. So I'm very sore. But I sweat more than anyone else, and to where I'm like, does this mean I'm healthy or is it a health issue?

I sweat so much that if I had thought about it, it would have been an argument for like, you shouldn't get into comedy, right right, I sweat so much that someone should have intervened and been like, whatever you do, don't get on stage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I disagree, Yeah I do.

I disagree.

I mean, if it's February, then it is not a problem.

But I taped this a year ago in September twenty twenty three, and like it's still hot in September.

I remember we both did a show at the r Bar. It was like, you know where you have to have a secret code to get in, even as one of the performers. That's always how you make for a good audience. Make it hard to get in. But the you and I both were, I know you to be a sweater like me. We were the sweaty ones. And and you did that bit about the the boarding process. That's I mean, I'm not going to make you do beds that airlines state when you bids, Yeah, do it as a Wizard special.

It's on the special, and the Wizard thing.

Is on this.

How about a wizard complaining about the boarding process.

Give us like a little buffer.

That's almost literally you just basically sewed together two bits that I should have in a callback, and I am a member of the Platinum Chalice Loyalty program e. I love that and the Platinum Chalice stop aside your dog.

Order.

I forgot I'm switching love. Yeah. The canonical version is on the film special Folks for the Purest I should I love this part. When does this come out? Oh? Right, the thirtieth September thirtieth, Ye, so today today? Yeah great, how convenient it was going to come out in a further time in the future.

This is live to tap like old Jimmy Kimmel.

And we kele deal with it. Yeah, James, do you want to go to like the In and Out Drive?

Yeah?

You're hungry?

Sure, and it takes a long time to eat up a bunch of stuff there, right, we got we got time to burn.

Absolutely sure.

We can pull over and do a little, uh, you know, mouth fully work.

I love the I love the in and Out reference in the Big Olebowski when they're like he lures them into this trip to the valley to intimidate the kid Larry, and he's like, stop by the In and Out.

We get some burgers, get some beers.

And then everything goes wrong, but they do get their in and out at the end, even though the windshields smash. That movie is so fun. I love it so yeah. Nothing nothing, you know, nothing is fucked. Nothing is fucked. The goddamn plane is crashing the mountain.

We started saying nothing as fucked for a little while when things were super fucked.

And it was one of those It really works. It works if you say that.

One of the best things is how the dude picks up things that he hears other people say. Throughout the movie.

Oh, I didn't even know.

In the beginning, he's what the George W. Bush is on the news going like this aggression will not stand.

It did.

Later on he's like, you know this aggression will not stand.

Man.

Oh that's right. I never picked up on that.

Oh that's great. I gotta rewind.

And there's things that Walter says to him that he ends up saying or or.

Oh, you're doing the thing that.

When everyone else does.

Yeah, but you did it knowing that they were stout at that light. I endorsed what you did.

Thank you.

You're telling me you sipped around the cars that were waiting to turn right.

Yes, that's right.

Yeah, why did you entitle yourself to do that?

Sorry?

Well, I just thought I could shut up.

What character, Judge Judy?

Do you have your receipt?

Shut up? I love I love that. None of Judge Judy's rulings were ever over the entire course of her career based in law.

It was always like, why do you have a ten pound cat?

You need that large? You shut up? There has to be you shut up. There has to be someone who's always disfavored from the beginning.

Also, there's the perfect gift, which is her slamming her hand down on her bench three times and then going debt debt like to a watch on her hand. And it's the funniest fucking thing.

Oh that woman.

Yeah, really grew on me over the years. I used to think, Wow, this person is so mean, and now I love her. I love Judge Judy.

Although she has I did see a picture of her recently. It was like a promo her show and she was wearing a tight bun and.

I say, changed her look.

I said, Judo, we don't do that.

She turned into George Bailey's wife had he never been born? Not an old spinster? But the worst thing.

Yeah, get away from my library, sir, you're walking around the snow.

Shut up.

Let's just gonna jump off a bridge.

Yelling but wanting everyone to be quiet in the library.

That's La Studios and left.

We just passed that the Ivy Color building that's a major voiceover destination.

Do you go there?

I go there fairly often.

There's times in my life when I've been there very often recording some project.

So it's been a minute right now, But where what's the car? One of the regular go to Independence Studios?

Because right after that was the regular go to where they did World Stumas Best Week Ever v H one.

I miss because I had an audition at that other place that could block down.

Yeah, that's where I worked for many years.

Maybe that's how I got the audition.

Yeah, yeah, it was me dropping. I had control over this whole block your you want free? Yeah, because of my father and that the Good Neighbor Restaurant is my father's old hang.

My father said, we get to voice this.

He said, I could have extra eggs.

What is the.

I can only do I can't do SpongeBob, but I can do just Tom Kenney. I think just him casually at this.

Guy reminds me ahead of us here in the drive through, you see this guy with his shoe up in the thing.

Mm hm.

So one time I'm gonna tell a reckless driver story. Driving a very long drive from Fresno to Eureka.

Beautiful country.

Well it's like Norco and you think, oh, I'm driving from NorCal to Norcow. It's not gonna take that long, but it's like three times as long as the rest of California. Hours of Calfar, you had to go all the way up to Redding and then make.

A left, and you're on the five most of the time, right five.

Up to Reading and then you take this weird mountain road and so I barely had enough times. So I'm like, I'm already speeding, right, but like normal speeding. I'm driving like ten over the speed limit on an open highway. There's this like this car comes roaring up on my right and it was like a Plymouth horizon from like nineteen ninety. It was like an old like you don't

Seventy five freeway Desert Freeway, Desert Freeway.

And then this guy's roaring up like thirty miles faster than me or more so he's probably he's doing one hundred and fifteen or a hundred and twenty, barreling down the road.

And I see he has his left foot out the out the window, drugs.

Any shirtless yep, And there's like you could say he he's smoking shirtless, only wearing crop shorts, so his like barefoot out the window of this Plymouth horizon. And he has like a girl in the passenger seat also she has her feet out the window. So he's just driving with one foot and smoking and doing a bunch of shit barreling down the road. Wow. And then like thirty minutes later I hit this like incredible traffic, like incredible traffic.

Oh wow, but the people were nowhere to be seen or they don't know.

For the children listening, I like to think they were thrown free right into a sobriety clinic.

Yeah, yeah, we we deal with sobriety and soft mattresses. Come on in and they.

Come, come, come into the come into the the Greater Merced area. We've got We've got circus, bounced tents and rehab building awnings that are made of stretchy fabrics and clown bounces.

It's also dispensary.

This actually came into play. There was like a in my apartment building. There was a mental health incident, and she had like barricaded herself in the upper porch of my neighbors inside this courtyard.

I'm to your window down. So I'm good.

Yeah, I'm okay, all right, order and eat in front of everybody. That's fine, Hi, sir, it's just for me here. Could I please have a number two? And says a cheeseburger meal with the fries and eliminade. Oh that's it, okay, thank you. So where was it? Oh? So she was she was stripped her clothes off and she was threatening to jump when the police came and stuff, and it

Bed sheet or something.

I thought they did that.

Still, no, I don't think they do anything like that, and maybe never did, and maybe never did.

But there was all do you guys remember the handheld game from the eighties, and it was like one of these It was called Firemen, Firemen and Babies Fell out of a Window a video game. It was a little handheld video game, so it was very like Game Boy pixelated, yeah, but like it was almost like first generation Sure Boy. And you were two firemen running back and forth with a tramp with a little trampoline.

So the babies were falling out the window. And they remember you bounced.

I do remember this.

You have to bounce them into like the ambulance. It was the most fun game of the time.

And you would lose a baby here and there.

Yes, and if you lost three year what is that?

That game is what made us all think that's what they did. It's only in that game that they went around with trampolines and cartoons.

Yeah, like a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Yeah, I swear I've seen it. I think in other countries if there's a fire or something, they'll be like, we gotta do something.

It is, but I think that's in Dumble right that I'm seeing the visuals. You are no longer an elephant.

The elephant wizard.

That's the mean.

There's like three mean elephant women.

They won't let him be with them because his ears are too big.

I mean, we have to have standards.

Yeah, that's the one thing you learn about. There's Asian elephants and African elephants, and it's all in the ears. One elephant has tiny ears, the other one that's big. Old floppers and I can't remember which is which, but that's how they that's elephant racism, right.

I think they usually get Indian elephants first.

Well, they don't do that in circuses anymore, but when I was a kid, I don't think they got the giant African elephants right to be in circuses. Maybe that's the one time they tried that was in San Diego when it went crazy and they ended up.

Shooting it in the downtown San Diego.

It's like, yeah, that's like a famous that's the I thought everybody saw. It's like on it's in like remember there's like videotapes that would go around in the nineties of like unbelievable footage. Yeah, it was always on those like collections. Yeah, the elephant went nuts and killed his killed his trainer, ye, and then two other people and the police had to put a stop to his ramp. Yeah.

I interchanged it with the guy who hijacked a tank, a Sherman tank.

Yes, that was also on the same thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if it was faces of Death or something else that was dumb like that.

Yes, I think it was on face.

Why my family and we all drove from Montana to San Diego to vacation. We just want a piece of the action. Elephants and tanks.

Elephants and tanks they were both the San Diego incidents.

Yeah, let's let's get in a hot car and check it out. Abused whales, it's getting the less saber.

Now. The funniest thing that's gonna happen here is if they're like, the card has been declined, sir, we.

Got cards, don't worry, Yeah, all valid cards.

How often do people say yeah, sure, oh oh you're paying, you're driving?

Okay, Oh got it.

I've gotta edit out, check it out and zakku.

Why don't we stop by Michelli's.

We'll go see some singing waiters.

Oh you know what I like about Michelli's too. I haven't been there a long time.

Wallet.

Oh, indeed, this.

Is the Machelli's here? Is that the same? Is it the same?

Is it also a Michelli's in Hollywood? It's the old Italian spot.

M I think it's the green one. It's at the bottom. Could you dig back in? Thank you?

Yeah?

Is that like a bib for me?

I think so?

Yeah?

Oh, I get a bib from in and out.

You'll need it.

Plastic gloves with little obscirs on them.

The last time I went to a restaurant like there was this I think it was in Oh it's a Korea town or near there with my friend seafood place, and they brought out.

The frien Yes, all right, I'm that I shouldn't.

Have the Virginia seafood. No. I love that family they brought. They brought out the plastic bibs and gloves, and I was like, I was like, come on, what is this for? I'm who needs this? And then I didn't realize this. They brought the food out and they just have it in a bag that they just shake up and.

It's just a bag, a loose bag of buttery.

Do you remember Todd glasses joke? Thank you the rest of the podcast.

I'm just going to be eating this. Do you remember that old Todd Glass joke he used to do where he would be like you can hear a go in front of you and you know he's heavy where he's like he was he was like I was behind this guy in Colod schol Like everything they asked him, he kept saying, sure, shore.

With a shoe sure, he's so funny.

Yeah.

I always think of last time I saw him. I was like, can you please do this joke of yours that I like? And he did it and it did not go well and it was my.

Yeah, yeah, it's my fault. He's like.

Someone goes after him and says, I'm sorry, but does my breath smell like tacos and breathes on him and then he says, well, that depends do you put cat shit in your tacos? I always thought it was so funny, and it like, didn't it wasn't It was too late, it was years later.

I'm sorry.

What.

Yeah, people don't want to hear about catch yeah even now. See I'm the very and I did did not work.

It's great radio, right, Oh yeah we do.

Yeah, people love it the time we ate a dozen donuts Rave reviews.

You know what we'll do is you eat and we'll ask you a series of questions where the only answer can be sure.

Yeah. I want to tell you this Todd Glass joke that is out he has now and I'm just gonna spoil one of his jokes. I hope it's okay, but.

Take your time and chew your food. We can't have.

Another another choking incident and it becomes a Lancaster burial episode. Tid Glass, he goes, I have a cat. There was a wild cat and he came into my house. And you know, I've had cats before. I like him, and it's been a while and I had his cat come in and I fed him. I give him, I give him water, I give him milk, I give him a little food and he comes around. And he's an outdoor cat, so he just comes in with me and I pet

And then at night, you know, he's an outdoor cat, he goes back, you know, outside and goes wherever he goes. And then I started getting jealous of him. I started wondering, like where are you going? And now you're I mean you're going from like nine pm to nine am. You're going for like twelve hours. Where are you going? I mean not that you can't do what you want, but

Bed jealous of the cat like a love I love it.

Okay, now dude, and he happens on jokes.

Okay, Yeah, I don't eat meat.

You go to add and out Burger. The corporations want you to eat meat. You're driving up in Sherman Oaks, all these people, you drive up into the hills, you get your rent and out and you eat it in shame in the hells and nobody can fucking say you you're ball Addie. When he used to heckle himself.

Yeah, that's my favorite.

I like when he just screams Marie. It just makes me laugh so hard, Like my wife is somewhere in the audience.

Why, oh, they're so happy to see us. Of course, we do a three point turn. There's a dog. They're all having a picnic. It's a full family at a table.

Yep. And by the way, people don't know this. Your car is a raid with electromagnetic devices cameras.

We're working for Google Maps as we do the podcast.

Yeah, it's got one of those little bells that spins around and gets the video and electromagnetic information of everything that passes here.

Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna keep chilling. Yeah, we we have to pick up intergalactic villain. Wait, what voice do you do on some cartoon that sounds like Bane?

A little? I played Bane on Harley Quinn. Is it Bane? Yeah?

Oh so the of course you did the band voice.

I do the ban voice from the Tom Hardy movie.

Oh that's great.

When I auditioned for it, I auditioned for all these parts and then reading for Baine, and I was like, uh, when we just do the Tom Hardy one And they were like, yeah, so that's how I've always done it. Where it's like Laurie will be the recording of this credit card.

It's everything I've seen though, is like casual, like walking into a room, and I like casual Bane. It's like what are these receipts?

That's till they write it, and I love it so much where he is low status among the villains and like put upon and insult it and stuff. I love that.

Oh that's the best.

I don't know if I've told you guys this could be a repeat. But the worst idea that was proposed to me that I ever heard it was like, we want to hire you for this. It was Southwest airlines. That was like, we want to hire I think I

Ye, it's the ultimate version of a bamboo can pulling you off stage. Okay, that's your time sucked out the ten years ago the Southwest, like flight attendants had jokes they yeah, over and over. I was like, wait, do they do stand up? They encouraged them to have material to keep it light and fun, but it was all jokes about the dangers of flying.

Yeah.

It was like, wait, that's inappropriate.

I mean it was like it started with they could rift during the safety features.

Yeah, that whole speech, and then it was like people adding to it or the highs and buys where he's like, we're about to land in Burbank, the most boring city and whatever, where you're just like.

Okay, you say that.

Can we just fucking can we just get this done?

We about thirty minutes to we land in Burbank, the headquarters of where you would live if you were a Republican who somehow works.

In the industry. This flight attendants edgy I remember the closer of one of them. They had some joke about if and what are the chances we're going to land in the water anyway?

But if we do, Like, yeah, I would love it if there was one. If they were like, you know, before he came along, the flight attendant comedians would play by the rules. And then there's this one Bill Hicks, George Carlan type guy comes along and he's smoking and they're like you can't. He's like, well, I'm on stage and he's like, well, well, because he was performing, you actually could smoke. Yeah, And he's like, you fucking first

They give him his jack. It's four thousand dollars, the exact fine for smoking on an airplane.

Right, he broke even.

Yeah, oh shit, it's hard.

He broke even in all his fan say it was unfair.

Do you do you have anything else to plug or eat?

Yeah?

Well, it's funny you mentioned it. I brought a little gird old. Actually, do you guys have another ride after this?

No?

But we did one before.

Yeah.

Yeah, so we get you.

Get exhausted and you hate driving more than two in a row or how does it work?

It's hard to do more than two?

It's hot.

So that's my thing is just after a while, you're just kind of like, like we got coffees because it's like after a while, you're.

Just like, yeah, I can't explain it.

I love I couldn't love you more. I wish he socialized more, but I gotta stop. Pug is my brain, right, it's almost every guest we have.

It's it's hard.

It's hard.

I remember I had to stop doing my podcast because it was a lot of work.

It's so much work.

It was a lot of work, and I loved it, but it was the least.

Amount of money that I made in my life.

Yeah, was it a sharkling the under culture. That's the one I did, okay, sharplying I do love I just saw him recently. You're just on his a lot.

My phone gives hey, this person's your friend. It keeps it a real tight knit for the algorithm.

Yeah.

Yeah, they were like, we've learned Fairbanks likes people.

It's a handful of them.

Gariff, we've learned hates people. Doesn't really like them. Let's keep well, let's control them. But I have nothing else to plug. I have nothing else. My mono obsession in life right now is Path of Most Resistance. Yes, available on eight hundred pound Gorilla, available streaming on YouTube. You can pay what you want on eight hundred pound Gorilla. You can stream it for free on YouTube. You can buy or rent it on any service where you would do that.

Please pay for it, listener, because you need to know. And I'm sure we said this before. James Domian is one of the best stand up comedians that has ever lived. If you've ever seen him live, it is a life changing experience every time. And I have seen him do comedy a lot, and so I'm not saying that lightly. I'm telling you you can get an album of joy.

Means a lot.

Coming from Car cood pay for.

Your album of joy and watch it change your life, And I.

Would say the exact same thing. How's it feel coming from me? Pick here? It's the blindfold point.

Thank you.

Yes, I'm happy to do it.

I'm so happy it's finally out. And yeah, Also, no one died from the album from the Special because I taped to a year ago and I wanted to release it earlier, and it got delayed and delayed and delayed for people like, well, let's wait a let's strategically, and it ended up coming out a year after I taped it, which was much longer than I wanted to wait, and so I was I was biting my fingernails all year, like, yeah, David Attenborough is gonna die, Alex Jones is going to die, Tom Sell's gonna die.

They're all alive.

Do you do it?

Tom Selleck?

He's in there yet. Let me tell you about these reverse organ chats.

People say it somehow unethical.

I need to do the reverse orgag.

Now do the do magnum p I Tom Sell it.

That's see, that's not again. People get funny when they crossed the age of six, especially men. That's when they become like Cam.

It's funny because I watched I like Magnum p I so much and my only impression of him when I was a kid was Higgins.

The dogs are near the ferrari like.

He always seemed like he is whining, and I was like, why is he always whining about these Doberman.

Because he could get away with it because he was hot shit in like three inch in seam shorts.

Yes, it was the closest U used to masturbate to be back in nineteen eighty eight. So it's my turn to cash in.

He had just high high thigh corduroy short, four inch in seams.

Short, Harry giving Harry in short short.

Yeah, like a shaved horse. But the hair is starting to grow back vein earth thirty two inch thighs.

No, No, Oddly the talk is.

Going down the leg, onto the lawn, over to the job.

There's like a union set designers.

It's like we actually had to coil it around.

Yeah, don't worry for ocean.

It was safety. Yeah, it was safety for other actors.

I used to do this with Huey Lewis all the time. I just have to wrap it around his waist like a bundle.

It no big deal.

I'm going to reveal. This is at the end of the here's what I wrote down. I was going to sign things and I just want to share them with you. A wizard frustrated with an airline sporting process that we already kind of did. And then uh, I wanted to Lewis Black rating a teenage girl's diary. Just watch that video.

Oh yes, that's from that's from like a decade ago. I found it and put it out again.

I was going to have you today is the very, very very best day of life. That's because Sean winked at me bloom your kiss. No, no, I'll say that a good next week is the big dance, and I know that means we'll be in love forever. I love it so much.

And then I was gonna have you wells and Vincent Price arguing I was like making a two pigs, too complicated, But I just wanted to share that I almost made you.

You are in the hills of Sherman Oaks. Oh surely you don't mean Sherman Oaks. The Sherman Oaks is twelve miles to the south, my friend, this is studio city. No, no, you can't possibly mean studio city, my dear boy. I mean where where where do they leave you off? And where the minions overlook from the castle on top of the hill. No, I'm sorry if if this is, if this is studio City, I'll go down on your asshole.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time someone has delighted me from you from the rear of the pocket.

You see.

Oh, go on, you so and so You're a damn fool vincent.

Whatever happens in Sherman Oaks, stay.

Thank you for indulging me.

I love you, James, I love you.

Thank you guys.

I know it's you're exhausted, so go rest.

No, I we were We've been excited about you for weeks.

Do you get in a when you go home and you get in a pod with a bed that's like very.

Similar to this, and Elon Musk is laying on the other side of the bed. I'm like, they talked about you the whole.

Podcast, but you have an ai Elon who's there. I'm doing this like programmed for you. I hope you like my sagging man booth.

Strange barrel chest. It doesn't make sense.

I'm shaped like a guy who has a Winery.

It's aerodynamically incorrect. There we go.

We should like to lay on my lumps, the origin of which there is no explanation.

My lumps, my lovely.

You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride? With the Great James and Doomian d y n a R. This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Troy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cootner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgareth.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome