S4 - Ep. 57 - John Milhiser

Are you leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and they termino and gay a. We want to send you off in style. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairban.

And this is Karen col Gareff.

We are right right off the bat waiting for our guest on the.

Street here at the other side.

Sorry, this is a guess from the beginning of the episode. It's very rare. You know them from clubs and colleges across the country. Everyone put your gears together for John Milheiser. Hi, John, good to meet you. Put on that seatbelt and then shake my hand. Hi.

I just.

Good to meet you. Good to see this is the back of my head.

Has to it hot enough for you?

Yes, it's pretty hot outside today.

What have you been doing to beat this heat? What have I been doing?

To beat the heat.

Yes, yes, I guess staying inside.

Yeah yeah, yes.

I walked my dog in heavy sweatpants and I came back like sweating all over.

I had to like change clothes. I was like, this is too hot.

Yeah right, it's I mean, we've been talking about it, probably too much on this podcast Weather, but yes, it is. There is. I don't remember in even recent past years feeling like, oh I'm sick, I need to take some sort of a test or something because I'm drenched with sweat and feel lightheaded. Then that's how it's affecting me just this year. So it's good to know that I'm not in a medical emergency. I want to hear everyone say I'm drenched with sweat, yes, at all times?

Will you say that exact thing, please, John.

I'm drenched a sweat at all times?

Oh thank you.

It's exactly what I needed to hear, especially going on a like a commercial audition or something. I like hang the shirt up and put in the back seat and then like drive pretty much shirtless to the audition, put it on right when I get out of the car.

Exactly.

Yeahs.

I currently have Tonight's outfits on a hanger. In my back seat. Oh and that's that's you know Texas behavior where I remember taking a shower going through the day, and then throughout the day up to going to bed. I never dried off. You're just a wet person. You get used to everyone else being wet, and your towel never dries. It was ridiculous.

Where are you from?

Originally from New Jersey?

Oh yes, all parts like North Jersey and Central Jersey. And then go to the shore in South Jersey.

Do you guys get humidity? You must because it's oh New York.

Yeah.

And my sister has or used to big curly hair, so it would call her a wooly woman with when to go frizzy.

I did not know of my hair's potential until I lived in a human place and then just giant hair. Yeah, it really does it to you. Do you go back to Jersey a lot?

I go back probably like three times a year, definitely for the summer to kick off summer, usually around fourth of July, with also a trip into like New York to visit New York. Yeah, and then usually Christmas Christmas. My sister lives in Hoboken. My other sister lives in Westfield, New Jersey.

So do you feel like New York City is different?

Yes?

And also my sister has been like the one. She's a big financial business woman. She works like Wall Street and actually she works now Midtown, but she, you know, I fell in love with the city because she's twelve years older than me. So like she became businesswoman and was living in like Jersey City and commuting into Manhattan, and I fell in love with the city. Visiting her and staying over her apartment. I was like, Oh, I can't wait to be grown up and commute and work

I want to talk to your sister, let's call her, because that Honestly, the last time I went, I realized I feel like that more here and other places, like in New York City, I've never been full eye contact, kind interactions with strangers asking me honestly how I'm doing, how was your day? What's your name? Like? It was happening left and right and in a way that I don't experience in Los Angeles.

Oh, I thought, I thought you said you'd never.

I thought you use the word never in there, so that I'm like, well, then why is this example so specific?

Oh I don't know what i'd Yeah, sometimes my mouth, my loose lips.

No, no, but I get where you're Yes, that's when I did.

I only lived in New York for like nine months, and it was god, when was it twenty eleven? Maybe so just quick for a job, and I loved it, of course, but it's like the.

Pre COVID post COVID thing.

And I went back recently and I was only there for like two days, but it seemed really different. But I was like, but it is different because like all this time has passed, so it's not just like the things I'm hearing, like the experience. I was trying to like grab on to the like what how different does it seem to me? Or are any of those things really happening? But the thing that freaks me out was those guys on the bikes.

Oh yeah, also like Blair music.

Yes, and it's like they're everywhere. It's super weird.

Yeah, and set up in a strange way where the bike lane going in the direction you're going in a car is on the other side of the street, so they're going towards oncoming. It is so chaotic, and the bike lanes have their own lights that now if you're taking a laugh like this, you could there could be a bike going the same direction craning into the side of you. It's so I don't know what the answer is. It's been years since.

I don't think about bike riding in the city like I've had friends.

Yeah, bad accidents happened.

Me too, yes, And I was thinking that the whole time I can be was getting everywhere on an electronic assisted bike. But my head was spinning in all directions, making sure you have to be so alert that it's a sign that maybe it's just too dangerous. Yeah, but I visit New York and I go back and I and I don't experience any of the stuff she's talking about. And I'm like, it's still beautiful and like had a resurgence, and it seems like people are out and about and like loving the city.

So I kind of talk her into going back.

In the city and appreciating it, because I don't want her to fall out of love.

Yes, I mean they do.

They say the same things about San Francisco, and of course those there are you know, there are truths to it. It's not like there's no city that doesn't have crime, violence, whatever. But that idea of like the entire place is this, and then big swaths of people being like I won't go there is a very new strange trend to me.

Yeah. Yeah, it's I grew up thinking because of movies that every day was hey I'm walking here, anger from a cartoonish from body by Jake whoever that factor is, Uh, he's the guy that said that. Okay, The point is it's so friendly and the audiences I very much have always liked it seems like audiences are smarter and people are super sweet. So how long have you been in Los Angeles? Then?

Pretty much?

I believe eleven years. Eleven to twelve years. I can't believe it's been that long. Yeah, I know it goes by very fast, especially when you get older.

But yes, do you think it's getting older or do you think you've moved somewhere without four distinct seasons benchmarking the passing of time?

That's what it is. It's definitely that, yes, and I try.

Are you just saying that because he said it?

No?

I really try to divvy up my seasons as much as I can and what I'm wearing. I like, I have my summer clothes, I have my fall clothes, winter clothes. And I don't have a big place, but I find spaces to put away my clothes and bring new clothes out.

You and I have that in common.

Yes, just trying to divvy up the season somehow.

Yes, yeah, you have to do it with clothes or certain spiced beverages because every day there is seventy five.

It's so weird.

Do you have a favorite celebrity sighting like from when you anytime you moved here. Those are sometimes things people that like it's a standout moment of like a moment you couldn't have had in a different town, right.

Sure, Yeah, I guess my favorite the ultimate one was we were at a bar, friends bro outside and we're in like in a big circle, and we're all talking at the same time, and then all of a sudden, there's a wave of silence.

That goes over all of us.

Everybody around us back once that celebrity walks by, but it was Brad Pitt.

Oh my god.

And it was like, so that was like a really cool sighting.

And it's just funny that how everybody everybody just went yeah, and then it like everybody looked at each other.

We didn't talk about it, but they're like, whoa.

That is like Ace of Spades level celebrity. That's not even like like a list or whatever. It's like Brad Pitt is the.

Luckness Monster of celebrity though, because he after a river runs through it. He had property and lived regularly in Missoula, Montana, where I'm from, and so you would see him occasionally. And when I first started doing improv in a bar where we had like our fifth show or something, and it was a small audience and Brad Pitt was sitting right in the middle of the room, and so we were all like, Okay, this has got to be a good show. You got because Brad Pitt's gonna scoop us

He didn't give us suggestion.

No he didn't. Nurse, nurse, Playboy factory, I'm out, and a Playboy factory that goes where the things people always yelled, Playboy mansion, a factory, factory, a nurse And then yeah, it was he left. But it it's funny that was the only celebrity i'd seen before moving here.

Do you think that Brad Pitt sitting in that place was either a trying to have a quiet beverage or b thought the show was something else?

No, I think yes, they It's one of those shows where they are surprising people with comedy, which is never a good Hey, are you eating, Well, we might as well be talking about the Bible because we're gonna yell comedy. We're gonna be involved, yes, yes, yeah. Also you have to be part of it.

So put down that food.

Yeah exactly, here's your job is to yell things out. I just want my salmon taco and uh yeah, so I think it was just there to eat.

He was like, I gotta get out of here before they pulled me on stage.

Yeah, it's so just. I came from where Brad Pitt and Andy McDowell all the time, all around town, and then.

I saw Any McDowell on a hike and she stopped and pet my dogs, like I have a dog just like.

This, and there is no story. There's no story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how she was in Montana. Cracky voice and super sweet. Everyone was like, it's the nicest person ever. And I think my first intern here was I moved to West Hollywood. I would run from my place to the twenty four hour Fitness and I actually I was wearing earphones and ran in the street and I got honked at from a woman in a portie and she flipped me off and said, move, you idiot, and it was Jillian Barbary from.

Good Day LA.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a guy next to me. I'm like, was that Jillian Barbary And he's like, yep, and yeah, I'm not even going to say what she actually called me, but that was my first It had to be like a oh, you know, everyone lives here. That apparently is even on what I believe at the time was an access show.

Yeah, morning it was morning news.

Yeah, there was Good Day Live and then Good Day LA. So that yeah, I think it was just in the Good Day LA Morning News and then it went national or something.

Because I was taking a left, I'm just going to interrupt you and then go to mine.

I time, right.

I was taking a left on Ventura, and so I was out in the middle of the intersection and the car that was doing the same thing coming the other direction.

It was like a powder blue Jaguar and it was fucking Clint Eastwood.

And it was you know then the either late nineties or early two thousands, so he still looked he looked just like Clint Eastwood, and he was I think the sun was kind of in his eyes, so we had the glare, like the whole face he was. It was like, I recognized him immediately and we were just like staring at each other until we got to turn left.

It was crazy. That was a really good one.

Yeah. God, a bunch of them are flooding into my brain.

Now we could do this around.

I was walking. I can't remember where I was, but I think Aspen walking on the side of the road with snowboards because we were waiting for a shuttle van or something and a dispute. Beautiful Jack Nicholson was racing up in a very fancy car and literally swerved towards us to scare us, and he had that evil look on his face. It was the most of all work and no play. Yeah, it was horrifying, and we everyone was like, that was Jack Nicholson. I'm like, we all in Unison Nicholson.

Yes, and he knows that advantage.

He's good with bits with everybody in the world, that's right.

Yeah, he worked with what he had to do. You know, his face through a broken hole in a door that was just swerving at us. He knew that was the best nicholsony tactic. It was horrifying.

John, back to you.

Let's go, let's hear another one.

Another celebrity sign.

Yeah, I guess who's just any McDowell And yeah, yeah, I was kind of excited about that.

That was a good one.

I was on a date in college and Andy mcdell was breastfeeding in the restaurant and everyone one was acting accordingly except my I was nineteen, and I was just looking for eye contact with anyone else that could because, uh, the amount of time between pulling her breast out and putting the baby to it seemed like five whole minutes, so at the age I want I And then finally I had a just visual acknowledgement from another immature male from across the room, and we I think we high

I mean I think that is like, I'm all for the right to for her to do whatever. Sure, except she's a movie star, so it is a little bit like it's extra.

It's not like, oh, I need to get this done right now.

Yes, I don't even know if my story is Yeah, she knew, she knew what she was doing, but yeah, oh, it's one hundred percent true.

Great oak.

I will call the Chanre. She's a good friend. She was who was on the date with We've stayed friends.

That's good.

Schonre knows healthy. Yes, yes, often went to Nantucket. If you need anything to know about now, I've said too much about her. Yeah, I just want people to know she's real.

I'm going to docks her.

Oh no, yeah, I just learned what that man I used to think imut canceled.

This is a great harw story.

It is the one I always go to.

Yes, classic good harvestore.

Yeah, you're right, you're right.

He is right, all right talking.

Hey, we're moving, We're we're we're in the wrong.

I just stopped and.

Was thinking about being naked in a restaurant.

Yes, yes, it's like, yeah, that is right.

Mother.

A lot of my stories affect you latter in the day.

Yeah, they're kind of thinkers.

Yeah. I like that hardware store because you go in and there's just like some a man that reminds you of a friend of your dad's or someone from your childhood that like acknowledges what you're buying. Let you know it's a good product, lets you know you're doing a good job. Yes, it seems like is that what you've experienced it?

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

If I need anything, like can you help me, pap?

Yeah.

I remember when as a teenager there was like there's ball chains that you could wear, those necklaces that you could wear, but what they were was a lamp.

Oh sure, the string to like turn on an old lamp.

Yeah. Yeah.

So I would go into the Harvard store is like, where are your ball chains? And they're like, for like a lamp and I was like, no, for like jewelry, and they're like.

Oh, it's over there. Kind of get a dirty look for them.

Yeah. Yeah, I can't a baller. I mean for non utilitarian race. It's in our fashion aisle.

There was that, not Osha proof.

They're just mad they have a fashion aisle. I like that. I like that character. Yeah.

I was a skater who didn't skate pretty much.

Right, where do you Where do you have your clean, untouched vans? Yeah? I let's we should go there now?

Actually bad?

Yeah, just have some keys made, even though I don't need them. Duped.

I always get the feeling in it because I totally appreciate there's an ace hardware in the Valley.

That's like that.

But every time I go there, my mind blanks and I'm like, I know, there's like five things I really need from here, and if I could just focus, it's like a screw for this thing, or a I don't know, a thing to clean out the drain. But I just stand there like maybe it's light bulbs because there's so much stuff like packed into a small store.

Yeah, but I don't know.

You just need to walk through the aisles.

I mean, do you ever go to like Michael's or NS and just like I don't know what I need, but the store is going to talk to me, And.

Well that's different, and those are storing craft. Yeah. I as a kid, I hated being in Joeanne Fabrics, but now it is so fun to just have the store tell you what you need. I don't get that at a At A I'm just at a hardware story. I end up in some weird plumbing joint aisle and I forget what I'm looking for and I buy some woodscrews in a panic. But I do love hanging out in a Joeanne Fabrics. Yes, like pick out fabric for my mom to make vests for me. Totally.

I was not the coolest kid, but I would be like, I want this Looney Tunes fabrics.

Yeah, like I'll make a vest of this.

Yeah.

My mom did the same. There was actually a skate company called Limpies. They were just very simple drawstring pants, but you'd order them in the back of those skateboard magazine and you didn't know what you were going to get,

I definitely took an unthreaded Tummy Hill figure label at the store and had my mom sewed onto a random shirt that wasn't Tommy.

I do that now, John, I ordered tiny patt If you just go on to Etsy and look up tiny patches because I was imagining, oh, what if something other than a polo player were on a shirt? And they have everything, tiny little animals, tiny little people doing different sports. I have a little golfer on my golf shirt. I have a little panda on another shirt that I thought needed a panda and it's so fun heat transfer and then and I'm no professional sewer, but I am. I've

Yeah, Sewing's the only thing I don't do that I want to learn how to do at some point.

Yeah, sewing and nitting I don't know how to do.

But but at Michael's or Joanne's are there other things that you do?

I mean, I just try to be crafty at any point time. Like I was eating salsa and I was like, Oh, it's a cute jar. And then I scrubbed the label off. And then I started collecting jars. And then my boyfriend's like, what are we doing with all these jars? And I'm

Crochet.

Yeah, like the crochet potholder, Like it comes in a square thing and then you stretch the fabric.

Oh sure, sure, just fun stuff.

Like how about around Halloween which is coming up? Do you get into costume making?

Yes? I do.

I was Seymour from The Little Chop Horror. Oh wow, so I made my own wait seamore. Yeah, I was Seymour.

And then the plant? What was the plant?

Did were you gradually or were you suddenly Seymour? So that's just that's fun. Yeah, that's just good musical. Uh that's how What did you like? Did you get most of the supplies? Yeah?

I got I went to Michael's. I got like a styrofoam oval egg type of thing. Cut it in a half like some clay fast drying clay. So I made the teeth and supercluded, and then got leaves and paint. Wow's great, and moss and then a flower pot and then I carried it.

Around with me the whole night.

Yeah, n uncomfortable and unable to use the bathroom.

It wasn't that bad. It was like just it was like a foot tall.

Yeah, every year. Last year I did a toilet where my legs were the toilet's legs and I had little fake legs of someone sitting on the toilet that I made from paper machine my real toilet. Kind of unsanitary, but it was a dead Elvis sitting on a toilet. But every time I do a costume like that, I forget about bathroom breaks. I'm like encased in permanently for the night. So this year, yeah, you got to make a trapdoor. Do you have thoughts on what you'll do this year?

This year, I definitely have written it down somewhere my notes at yeah, attack, because I tried to think throughout the year what I could be.

Last year I was successful in writing it down.

Well has passed away, and so I was like, I really like the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Christy Swanson.

He was like the bad guy in it. Kind of a hit movie.

But yeah, that was the only that was important though, because that was like the a lot of people seeing him not B B. B. Herman, for the first time.

Yeah, And I think it was like kind of soon after. I think it was his first role after the whole movie theater.

Using an adult movie theater for what everyone used.

Yeah, so, but it was a really funny part. So I got to be that this past year, which was I think his success. I mean, the only real purpose for me as an adult in Halloween, because I don't maybe I'll stop at a party for five minutes, but it's mostly just getting the costume on, taking a picture and posting it, yeah, and staying in for the night and watching a scary movie and just like enjoying the.

The likes you get on Instagram.

Yeah, can get a green screen of a Halloween party and stand in front of.

You pretty much.

Yeah.

I think we walked down to like high tops of the bar in a cost in our costume this year, and then it was too crowded, so we just walked back home.

That's costume. I was like, well, I got a picture out of it.

It happened.

It's so great. Every year I make the best costume for myself is the year I've done no research on where to go and I've done the exact same thing where I tried on different fake skin horror makeup on my face about like a zipper that attached to my face and that's a muscle under my and I did not leave my apartment. I took pictures, yeah, and I posted them. This was like five years ago, and I got the gratification from people saying, wow, neat.

Yeah.

One of my favorite experiences, and like during Halloween, is living in New York City and just taking the subway to a Halloween party and seeing everybody in the city's costumes on the subway. The zipper face reminded me of someone I saw on the subway once, like get to see everybody's cool outfits.

Yeah. Yeah, I got the idea from a cheap packaged like it comes with everything you need, but you know it's not gonna be good quality. So I just bought my own things. And but yeah, put so much work into it, and you didn't even think about how I hadn't nowhere to go. It's so great. Yeah, so this year, let's find parties everyone and maybe that would be the answer, Like is there still like a parade of costumes?

Yeah?

I did that once in the village in New York and I got on the subway and it was just like your sardines.

It was so packed.

I hated it. I went right back in the subway went home. So I've never gone to all being prayed.

I don't like being in that big of a crowd.

I'm trying to show. I think it's a new thing for me. I really have trouble being real close to people. Yeah. I did a show the other night with a comic that it was like he did not experience COVID. He was talking so close to my face in an early nineties way, like engaging. It was something learned, like you know, how was it Judge hurst on a se yes talking or Judge ryin Hold. Yeah, I call him Judge Hirsch all the time. That's why I knew who you were saying,

Christ, this intersection. There's an accident here like once a week.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, people, that's it's so boring to talk about. But people act like if they have to go around something, then they just get to and you do whatever you need to do, or it's like I know this is I'm here too.

Yeah, it's important to the listener for you to know every time we've had an interaction that's bad in traffic, it was that we keep going through that same intersection. It's been three three times now. That's where the bad things are.

That's where all the bad things happen.

Yeah, we don't want to call it. We don't want to dox the intersections.

Wait, sorry, but you were trying to say something, weren't you, John.

No, goodbye, Chris?

Oh yeah, yeah. They I the close talker. Yeah, it's it's It just reminds me of Hey, people don't like that anymore. Like it used to be a thing for men to when you shake their hand, squeeze it just to where you feel they're metachartial bones crunching together like way too hard. And I always was rubbed the wrong way, Like there's no way that's the result. People want a nice, firm handshake. No, I have arthritis hands, do not squeeze them.

Anytime someone shakes my hand, I always.

Go yes, yes, it's important my bird bones just as they're touching. No, the deal is off, sir. Yeah, that's basically what I do. Do I do not like, or I'll pull my hand away. I like a nice dry, soft handshake like barely those are the best, Yes, exactly.

Or maybe it's just like someone puts your hand in their palm and then rubs the top of your hand.

Yes, like a grandma.

My last No, I don't feed you after midnight and then. Uh. What I hate the most is where the prank handshake where someone is holding your hand handshake position and then they take their middle finger and tickle your palm. Have you ever experienced those mondes? I have? I hate it. I've always hated it, and I had to bring it up. I don't know what that is supposed to be, just a surprise. I just don't like pranks at all, not at all. Are you a fan of pranks? John?

I like pranks?

What kind?

If I see like a woman that I know at like a supermarket or something, and she's holding a purse, I'll run up and grab the person.

Give me okay, and then I'm like, it's just me.

They usually get very scared. What else do I do?

I walked by somebody at a restaurant and I just stopped the table is like how is everything?

And they're like, oh it's good?

Oh hi John, Okay? I do like that. I don't really worry. Are they pranks?

Are they bits?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Well, you know what I think the difference is strangers are friends.

If they were strangers, it would be a prank.

I guess they don't do it to strangers.

It'd be so funny if you did. They're like in a restaurant, HIH's everyone? Are you having everything? They'll think you're the manager and you'll be like, can I get you anything?

Any dessert or anything?

Yeah, But then that would be like who's this for?

Who's this prank?

It all in your mind?

Like, yeah, there is a fine mine, because I certainly love a bit in high school when there is a parent teacher conference and my dad pulled his pants up high and fell down the stairs and pretended to be hurt to make me and my friends laugh. That's one of my fondest memories. But the whole even the simplest, lighthearted you know, April Fool's joke where it's like, ah, surprise, I said a thing and you believed me, but it's not true. I got you.

It's April Fools.

I do not like that.

I always forget April Fools when it's happening. Yeah, Like, oh, I saw this thing on Instagram. They're like, oh, that was an April fools.

I was like, oh, a.

Lot of those are like so they're just taking advantage of the fact that people read social media and believe everything immediately. So it's just like, yeah, you mocked up a headline. I believed it was real, and then for two hours I was like, Oh, no, we're we're going into war with Iran or something like yeah. Yeah, it's like, what are we doing?

Yeah, it's I don't I don't like being emotionally tricked.

I was goffing with my dad once and I went over a hill and then he hit from behind the hill and so his ball landed like like ten yards from you lay down. So then I lay down next to the ball, and he came.

Over like, oh my god, John, Oh, that's the best I did a kind of great one that was very inside baseball.

But I don't know if you've seen the movie Reversal of Fortune, Glenn Close, it's the story of Sonny von Buloh and the Klaus von Bulau.

They don't know if he murdered her or not. I remember it. Do you remember the movie?

I do not remember seeing it. I know it I saw it in the video store.

Such a good movie, Like it's Jeremy Aron's and Glenn Close just chopping it up and it's really good.

But oh wait, bus.

Only Yeah, wow, they painted a red dance floor for the bus. It's glittery.

So in that movie, she like od's on insulin and they find her body in her bathroom and her uh, she's wearing like a nightgown and a robe, but her robe and nightgown are slid up and so it's like her exposed but in.

Big kind of granny panty underwear.

And that's how she's found and that like later on, the cops are like she was slid around. She was moved after she fell down because of where her pajamas were. And I of that movie and I made the boyfriend I had at the time watch it with me like multiple times. And then one night I got up and went to the bathroom and then I just pull I realized I had a nightgown on, which I almost never did, so I just pulled it up and laid next to the toilet until he came in and found me.

So I did.

I had laid in there for like over five minutes, just not making noise or anything. And then he was like, hey, Karen, are you Are you okay?

Whatever?

And I he opened the door to discover me Sonny von Bula style on the ground.

Oh well, that's committed.

That's great, full commitment for one audience member that was like, oh yeah, this is not just me.

I have to now retell it in this laborious fashion.

Today for too long. That'd be weird. If I just gave up now.

And just come then you're gonna think I was shitting forever instead of doing the funniest joke. That's only funny to me and maybe you probably not.

Yeah, I did that once with uh. I went right.

When I moved to LA I went back to New York for something and I went camp with my friends and my one friend didn't know I was going on the camping trip, but he arrived later that night. So we set up camp and then we see him coming into camp, like from the parking not far away. So I ran up into the woods and hid, and then for like I waited an hour. I was in Oh my gosh, and you know, he settled down. They were sitting around the campfire, and then I just started going

Man?

I was like oh, and he started freaking out and then I came running, charging towards him, screaming like a horror film and he had a knife in his hand and I like ran like right over the fire and I was like, it's me and he's like, John, I almost stabbed you.

I was like, wait, eat then.

Weird And also that risk is what makes it even funnier.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know if I would ever stab someone. You yelling help me, I'll help you die could Yeah. Wow, that's commitment. The one hour of waiting you knew you had to.

Yeah, you got to put in the work.

Yeah, certain pranks, like with friends, that's great, but with strangers, I don't know. I guess, I guess, I'm I say I don't like pranks, but I'm just a bit of a prank snob.

Is that it?

Yeah, it has to be the right payoff for me? And then I put on special glasses. Yeah. I do. Remember when I lived in Austin, everyone was watching The Exorcist. I was out. I still haven't seen the movie, and really good. It was right during I looked through the windows. It was right during a part where uh Thelma Blair, I don't know her, No, that's a different actress anyway, crawling on the seato Linda Blair scary part. And I actually turned from the electrical box, turned the power off

Yeah, yeah, that's funny.

Yeah, there was just one I'm emotionally delicate person in the PA. I didn't know who was in attendance, and I really scared someone. I guess for life.

As my friend once said to me, it's not the worst thing you'll ever go.

Through, No exactly.

I remember going through some kind of minor but irritating thing and then that's that was her advice to be where it's.

Like, wow, okay, yeah, worse to come. Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess that is the best thing you can hear that it gets worse.

It gets worse after this prank.

I had a friend too, and he was a real rascal, Like I heard the story a raal. Yeah, he is a true definition of a rascal. Because it made me laugh so hard, But I'm like, this is the worst thing I've ever heard. He to prank his female friend, put pantyhose over his head and crawled into her kitchen window carrying a knife, and I was he told me that story, and it's like you got really mad at me, and I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind?

That's exactly Okay, that's what I think. Or a TV show where it's like, oh, there's a work crew that thinks they're here to do some drywall, let's put a body in the bathtub. Yeah, and scare them because they have compassion.

I do not.

That's going into my snobbiness here. Uh do not like that? Yeah, where it's where the victim is the victim because they're expressing concern.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's hard with a lot of those, you know, like spur the moment pranks, you don't have a good you have to have like a reveal, a payoff. Yeah, And that's happened to me where I was at a comedy festival and my friend because I brought people back to our hotel room. One night. It was like everyone was partying fun comedians, but he was in bed and we were like doing six man pyramids at the foot of the bed and he finally woke up, but to get back at me. I was sleeping in the next

Well you can't. Yeah, you have to end it. You have to end it.

I forgot to end it.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Speaking of people being drunken hotel rooms with friends, you ever like stacked? We called it stacking where you just put stuff on top of the person who's passed out.

Oh yeah, of course, or a chair. I didn't even know it was, and they roll and all this stuff falls off of I think it's a step above like drawing a penis on their face.

Right.

If you've already done that a bunch of times, you need something new. Yeah, And then they probably wake up from the noise, so they're like, what the fuck's going on?

My cat used to do that to me. I'd come home and uh, there'd be a stack of newspapers and magazines on my bed, and I knew what it meant. I'd pull them all off and there was a little turret he shit on my bed and I put exactly so, I'm cat. I He would grab things from the room and drag them then with his mouth. Oh it was around the time he revealed, oh yeah, I know how to go in the toilet too, Like this cat was a genius. I should have put them in front of

It's also like that cat felt shame like covering up. I shouldn't have done this, but oh no, I've done it again.

Well, it is kind of we're the classified.

I gotta find a new apartment. Uh yeah, a cat's innately do that that. I think it's a shameful thing that they're covering it up with litter, even they want. It's the same part of a cat that wants to cover up with dirt. There's no dirt around. I guess I'll use these magazines. What I couldn't wrap my mind around is a cat's little mouth biting into a magazine and dragging it. Jumping up on a bed and stacking

Do you have pets, yes, I have a dog, Charlie oh kind. He's a terrier mix, a really pretty medium sized, fluffy dog, nice, hypoallergetic.

What does that mean?

I think it's tiny fluffy dogs that usually.

He sheds constantly, so that's why he's fur so soft, because it's new.

For all the time.

Yeah, so there's clumps of It's like we just have a dust devil that we just keep vacuuming up cumbs of hair all day.

I think that's okay, though for me, it's it's the type of hair, like a pug or a shiny dog. I get very I get like red blotches, but a dog like yours, like a terrier.

I think.

Yeah, we found him my roommate, my old roommate and I Nicole and I were living in a Beechwood apartment and when we first moved here and somebody posts on Facebook that they found this dog on the highway. Why they got him like fixed up. He had like like a cyst on his neck. He was all dirty and they cleaned him up and they were like, oh, we're

Yeah, hey, we're back from Europe. Can we have our dog?

No, get your own dog, go back to the highway. I have a terrier too, and she is that's my favorite kind, I think because it was the first dog we ever had. Pepsi and just a kind of wire hair terrier mutt. They're just so smart, they're just so like I just I love that kind of dog.

Yeah.

I didn't have to do any training, but it was like I just started to whistle when I wanted to come back in the house, and she did it immediately the first time. Where it's like every dog I've ever had does not It can't be trained for some reason or I can't do it or whatever. But it's like she's like, I am willing to work with you. However you need to do this. We will get something going here.

Now the root of the word terrier, does any part of it mean hey, I'm gonna bite you.

I don't think so.

What is terror because there's like pitbull terriers. Is it just mean a smaller dog.

I think it's a smaller Yeah, I guess you're asking us the like yeah, rgein No.

Why I hear the word terrier and I think it means it's a dog that's going to bite me? Is it because it's close to the word terror? I see the English one that's it always misguiding.

I think they're kind of they're kind of the most common dogs. I feel like like a little you know, if I think your average mutt is probably fifty that guy, No, that's.

Truella, So it's a safe bed if I'm if I'm desperately trying to drum up conversation with someone standing there with a dog, I can say, what is that terrier?

Yeah?

Okay, Wow, you know your dogs?

Yep, yep, yep, And then the word lout comes out of my mouth and they slap me. Yeah, because that's quite a derogatory term in the dog community. I think it's funny that that's even a conversation, like where, I need to know where that dog's blood is from? Where's the origin?

Wow?

I think they were in a hurry to It looked like the vehicle was for kids. There was a stuffed animal on it.

Almost terrier, Say there's your terrier right there, but I wonder if she was in their.

Blind spot or yeah it was because he turned into the sun. It was.

That was not good.

Keep your windshields clean.

Everybody, have you guys had any close closer and anything thiscast.

Lot if we have a lot of people that if it was like this where it's like a two lane, normal street and then someone backs out, it just someone just comes right over and you know, it's like playing chicken with a car.

Yeah, there's a lot of things like that.

And we've had some unstable people like get on the hood or chase us on a bicycle. It's okay, I wanted to be on this podcast. The last time that happened with tig that was that was actually traumatizing. That was like affected the following days because I was kept thinking like, yeah, it was.

Like we were it was a guy that we're and it was on Losienagu so it's like a busy street, very unexpected, and as we were at a stop light, I think or maybe a little past, this guy walking down the street just kind of made a beeline and came and stood in front of the car.

And then was like what I'm gonna do. What do you do? And it was totally.

Insane and very odd, like we were just I was just like, well, there's nothing.

We can do.

Ten minutes it went.

It went on for a while, but then a cop came and just like and then, which is the thing that never happens.

In La, Like that never happens.

Yeah, a neighborhood policeman yeah, came and.

Was like sir, then just like took him away where I was like, we could be here all day.

Yeah, this is new. Do you guys want to see something?

Yeah, yes, let's.

Can we turn around? Yeah, make a rite on.

I'll show you Walt Disney's house. Oh wow, Okay, it's a house that I always noticed driving by. I'm like, oh, that's a pretty house. I want to live in that house. And then randomly I was reading about him and I was like, oh, it's Walt Disney's house all the way around right, Yeah, I'll make a right on Franklin.

Oh okay, when do you know when it was his house?

I believe nineteen like twenty six area, Yeah, that time, because he his office his first office was here.

At on Kingswell, yeah, at the skate so I my friend did a bunch of Disney old like logos and things from that era because that skate shop is makes their own boards and everything. Mouse. Yeah, there's a whole wall their their logo. I never knew why they had like a Mickey Mouse on a lot of shirts, but they they embraced that. And I didn't know until like recently, like a week ago, they told me that that was the first Disney.

Like studios Disney Brothers animation.

I think that's so cool. That's like early.

And then they moved out of that place and then went to where Trader Joe's is across from Gelson's and Silver.

Lake at Hyperion.

Sure there was a had a big building there, so that's where their second studio was.

Wow, it's so cool that that's where it all started.

I love when there's architect Sure in LA it's like very rare, but then it's really good when when it exists.

I sometimes take this way back home just because of this bridge.

I love the Shakespeare Shakespeare Bridge.

Do you have a special enjoyment of Disney things?

Yeah, I am.

My grandmother lived in Florida during the winters, so like growing up and then make a left up here. Growing up, we would go Christmas with her and then go to disney World. Right, So I got into disney World, and then I never went to Disneyland until I moved here, and then I've been probably like six times to Disneyland.

I have early memories of it too, and it was vivid memories of Pirates of the Caribbean and stuff. But as a kid, I always just wanted to learn how to animate, making little flip books and everything. It was always what I thought I would do.

And yeah, me too.

My mom signed me up for an animation class at disney World, so we got to go behind the scenes and like, that's great on cells and stuff.

Yeah that's so cool. Yeah, I ordered a light table and the little three hole tab for those cells, and I mean a little cartoon for a snowboard video once, but did use the old style of coloring it. It took so long to make a thirty second intro to a snowboard video. I worked on it months, hundreds and hundred thousands of drawings, And that's what kind of talked me out of it.

Here.

My back is sort of from how much I've been sitting. Maybe I don't want to do this.

At least are the two houses right here? Oh?

Wow?

This one was yellow one and then that one was his brother Roys.

Oh you're kidding.

So they live next door to each other.

Wow?

And that is a honky shirtless.

Yeah, that's a cartoonishly muscular Disney villain. He seemed like he wasn't happy that we knew about his house. It's weird when you see surprisingly large ripped people just in the wild.

Those as weren't drawn on no there.

Yeah, that was just hard work and time that would have been spent with people had he not severed all relationships.

I'm sorry, got you stuck on this?

Or are we gonna end up Alta Dina?

Yeah?

Right here was that was Hannah's house, and that was that was Barbara's. It's just animation, animation neighborhood. Let's get narrower and closer uphill. Oh just go back.

Yeah, also because then we see the guy again. Excuse me, question about your garage?

What do you do? You look ripped? I was just saying that my phone likes to send me those videos. Hey, you're in great ship shape? What do you do?

How old are you?

And how old are you? And those videos often I uh Apple, The people at Apple, I think that's who tells you what you'd like.

They know what you like.

Chris, Yeah, it's the things I talk about.

Okay, they're real key.

Yeah, where he had muscles. Hey, guy just ripping out a set. I'll be right out. That's him knowing people drive.

By and you know that's the school where it was right El High.

Oh yeah, from Greece.

I didn't know that. I feel like someone said it.

But this school has been in so many TV shows at Puffs School all the time because it is again, one of the few pieces of architecture Los Angeles.

So they're like, oh, look, this is fun. This is kind of like what I do with my cameos. I live in Angelino Heights, which boasts the most Victorian homes, and I've learned a little about it.

Oh that is beautiful.

Look at her speaking of opening animation. That yeah, the animation from Greece blew my mind. When I was a kid, I was like, I want to make that.

Yeah, it was cool, but a lot of sitting. I suppose I could have stood when I drew make a little music stand or some podium standing desk.

Yes, yes, there was a little comedy club dream works, I'm not. They moved some cubicles, put up a brick wall, and one of the animators there that was into comedy would have shows and it was unbelievable how they never left to work on Kung Fu Panda or something. There's a gym there, there's a bar, there's places to sleep if you just want to wake up and work. And yes, nobody sat. They all were on some sort of a you know, soft standing like matt or like an exercise thing.

I was very surprised, but sorry, can we go back because they brought you into the offices.

Did you stand up?

Yeah?

It was nighttime and it's weird. It was fun. Yeah, it was like and they had like a library wall where you a book was a switch and it opened up and they had this like nautically themed library and with whiskeys and that was like.

Was it just you or was it like a three man show?

Yeah? More of five or six comics. The JK Comedy Club.

Is it still running?

No? I think that all ended. Probably it's funny I'll say three or four years ago, but we all know it's been a decade. But yeah. No, it was a lot of like all comedy stand up at Franklin UCB Era did get you started at UCB right.

The Chelsea Theater that's now dust and demolished.

Oh really yeah, it was under Cristides in uh Chelsea, Like I'm twenty six, eighth and twenty six.

Those are some of the best memories that ever. Was great going back and forth visiting there and just going back and forth. Like when you visit there, you get to do all the fun shows in one week, and so I had this inflated sense of how often I would be on stage there. But it's so great.

But I haven't been to the New Theater yet in New York.

Oh there isn't.

I didn't know they're up and running though.

Oh cool, that's great.

Yeah.

Is that a thing you would go back to, Like if you were in town, you would, Oh yeah, totally.

Yeah.

Fun.

I'd let them know him in town that they wanted want me to do anything? Improbably, Yeah, that's great.

How did you get into it?

I was fresh out of college and I went to school at HOFTA, which was like close to the city in Long Island, and I never knew about it in college.

And I could have done it all through college.

But after college I was about to interview for a writer's assistant on the Daily Show. So I researched all the people that worked at the Daily Show where they studied. Yeah, and they all studied at this thing called UCB. I was like, oh, like the TV show. And so then I didn't get the job, but I went to UCB and I was like blown away. I was like, oh my gosh, this is what I should have been doing, and oh wow.

Became obsessed and did it every night.

Yeah, that's awesome. So is there anything that you want to promote?

No, nothing promoting, nothing going on.

That's okay me too. I feel good about where I'm at artistically. But the other night I did a show. What do you want me to say? I'm like, there's nothing really to say, just you know, this thing or this thing from years ago, and if I do it, be on my Instagram. So right, what's that handle?

Just at John Milheiser.

Go to John mil Instagram dot com, forward slash John Milheuser. Thank you for being in the car pleasure.

Yeah, randomly all around with us.

Of course. I hope you like the neighborhood.

Oh, we loved it so gorgeous. You've done amazing things over here.

You've been listening to Do you Need a ride? E y n A R. This has been an exactly Right.

Production produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome