S4 - Ep. 10 - Karen & Chris

Hey, it's Chris, you know, the host of this podcast you're listening to. I have a few stand up dates coming up. September eighth. I'll be in Boise, Idaho at the Lounge at the End of the Universe, followed by the Bug Theater October twenty eighth in Denver, Colorado with the Grolocks. That'll be a fun one. And then I'll be in Fort Collins at the Comedy Fort October twenty ninth. Please do attend. The tickets are available at Chris Fairbanks dot com. I leavn I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you clai and give us time and turning on engage. We want to send you off in sta.

We want to.

Welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared or was it fine?

Mal form?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbaks and this is Karen Kilgareth. I said that word do you need to ride?

It's you got to hit a different word every time to keep it spicy. For the for the Oldest of Dinosaurs, right.

Well, that time it was more like a hyphenated one where do.

You need to oh like because almost like you're just making it really casual.

Yeah, yeah, because do you need to do you need to ride? Dot dot ride on? This season's for will drive. That's how we should have been saying. That is how we we were going for We'll drive drive, and that kind of it's hard when it's a reading joke. I experienced that a lot with Twitter, Like when you read it, you see the words, you get the joke, but when you say it, so it has to be for we'll drive, for.

We'll drive, yeah, and then people have to go, why are they saying that? And then and then they go, I get it. It's a play on four wheel drive right right.

It's it's it can be very subtle. That's a delivery thing, and I think, uh, you know, I'm a professional delivery person.

I feel like, oh, congratulations you you guys won your strike.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I was with UPS and now I'm switching over to fed X. Thank you. I love all the strikes that are happening.

I know, it's so exciting, it's wonderful.

I have not I'm just gonna admit I haven't gone. And it's so I'm going to.

To the WGA striking.

Yeah. My sister and nieces went just because they in unions and the teaching. You're yeah, and I'm like, oh, they're representing on my behalf. Yeah, and I'm sitting waiting for them to get done because it's hot out. What kind of a person am I? I'm just admitting that it's so hot.

Well, you know you can go at six am I'm my friend.

So now you've sold me on it. I love anything you mean, like fishing. The reason I've never fished in the town referenced RoverShot.

Get up with the bread trucks and go fight against AI in this city.

Yeah, it is, it is. I love anything that's a fight against the robots.

Now, listen, I haven't gone either, But that is because I have a nine to seven job every day, and because I did the last one thinglessly when there was when no one was covering it on social media and nobody gave a shit and it was really awful, right.

And I don't have excuses, So now you've made me feel worse. Oh no, no, it's okay.

I have a job too, Is it this podcast?

No? I think you know. I'm working towards an amateur golf career. I can't think of anything right now. I was just you did get that. I was in Montana, in a part of Montana where all the wealthy people move, justin Timberlake and everyone, oh yeah. And I always wondered, why isn't that Missoula? Why is Missoula still the kind of stayed the same. And I was in this golf tournament in the mountains and it was the most beautiful.

Well, let me just ask you, so, how did you get to the top of the mountain to be hitting it down?

I drove that we're already at Big Sky the resort, and then the Big brothers and Big sisters. It was not a tournament this time. It was just comedians golfing together. Oh, but everyone was a little better than me, and it is a course where they've had professional tournaments, so it's exceedingly hard even for professionals. So I lost probably ten balls in the grass, which means you have to drop a ball and that's a stroke. And I played terribly. But for me, I played okay. But it was the

Wow, so Big Sky Montana.

Yeah, it was. The course was called Moonlight Basin and people pay a quarter of a million dollars to be a member. It is like Jesus, Yeah, it was people. It is golf in the way that turned everyone away from it kind of a you know, it's for rich people, richies, Yeah, among other things. There's other describing words, but I don't want to get all political. It's what has turned me off from golf until I discovered La Municipal.

Golf, Oh, which is the people's golf.

Get's the people's golf. And sure there's dirty areas in the green, but it's all a waste of water and it's men playing in a park. But I Uh, what I'm saying is I'm still confronted by how much.

Fun I have now what other comedians got invited.

There is a comedian named Mark Small's who is part of something called country Club Adjacent, which they've gotten popular. They heckle professional golfers as they swing and it's pretty funny, oh to watch that, and they've kind of blown up on YouTube. So he's sort of a golf celebrity. Wait, but he's a comic that opened for He's a Bay Area skateboarder.

Can I ask you a question? Is he the guy that posts TikTok videos where he walks around golf tournaments and heckles people that are standing around. Yes, so he's like, looks like a violist day for you guys that kind of like really good jokes. Yes, that guy's.

Genius and he was very good at stand up. Like when I watched him he was opening for me in San Francisco, and I'm like, Oh, that guy's great, but he has gotten You can tell he has the juice, as they say in the hip hop industry, and you can see it on stage. He's so comfortable. James Davis is a golfer comedian who writes on a lot of shows. He was very good. Nate Craig has gotten ten times better,

I loved it, all of our liberal slants. Yeah, So do you golf first or did you stand up first?

Yes, it was a long day. We're at like seven thousand feet it's.

One or the other.

Yes, I will answer. First. We golfed first, and then I didn't. I took a cold shower, and then we had a comedy show.

Great, got it.

So it was a rough day and I didn't use the bathroom to its full potential for about four days. But I'm okay now, and I'm not here to tell those kinds.

Of great yea perfect.

I was constipated, but I because of altitude.

No one cares.

I know, and I already said I wouldn't twice.

I know you've almost promised you borderline wanted to.

Be a doctor. Okay, these things interest me, especially things of the coland of your own Yes, my own coland I do a lot. I take my homework with me. Anyway, we're driving, How are you What have you been doing well?

My family came into town right after your family was in town.

Yes, and it.

Was just kind of a little getaway and it just so happened. That is that guy walking around with like a dialysis machine.

I think because he's dressed in scrubs, it's the delivery of a machine.

Oh okay, yeah, for a second, I was like, please don't tell me. He's just on the street with that machine.

Ok, that's regular luggage. She's just going on a flight and wearing his scrubs to give respect.

For the way you sometimes do because you wanted to be a doctor.

Yeah, that's why about my military uniform.

That's illegal, Yes it is. So they my family came down, and it was my sister did the thing of like, don't worry about us, We'll just about be in the pool whatever, where I'm like great, because I will be in that room on zooms all day long. Yeah, and then I would come out at like six o'clock and

Yeah? What is it about water adding to the the dehydration or they Yeah, it's because.

You're that's like cardio, that's twice as strong as normal.

Cardios surprise cardio.

Yeah yeah, yeah, and then you're just you know, kind of doing a liver rintse as you do it. Sure, so you know that's going to affect you a little bit. But it was very fun and there was one point where everyone was talking at the same time. Literally everyone was talking at the same time because we were all talking about like some childhood story and it was just like in the pool and it just felt really summertime fun.

Yeah. Yeah, it's so you have achieved one of our checklists of hot hot girl summer or whatever we're calling that summer. Yeah.

Yes, that was a true hot girl summer moment where there was like seven hot girls in the pool being served by a man. Barbie and her movie would be so proud.

Yes, yes, it's a movie I have not yet seen, but I am open to it.

I haven't either. I'm not surprised that you're open to it. That's good to hear.

Yeah, the trailer is not what I expected. It looks great.

I know. I've seen some clips on TikTok that have made me cry where I'm like, yeah, I gotta go see this pretty much immediately. But yeah, it's great and makes that with all the striking this world is, we're going through hard times, but there's so many reasons to be optimistic and that change can happen.

Yes, yes, and it will happen. I feel optimistic. Okay, it is taking a long time.

I mean hundreds of years.

I've heard of, no negotiations. I will see anything. I really have become a Marco Robbie Marco Robbie Margo. Yeah, I'm a big fan of her, not a big enough fan to pronounce the name correctly. And of course I like Jill and All Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, yeah, I always call him Jill and Hall. But I just wanted to bring him up as a person who adjacently. I am also somewhat attracted to What if I just dove out of the car right now out of embarrassment.

I like, I think any actor that's in his late thirties, you should call him Jill and Hall. Just whoever comes to mind.

It just came out of my mouth. Why it's two guys that I'd like to just hang out with at a pool park.

Sure, yeah, watch them wear a sweater.

Like a two headed sweater that they wear together. Oh, would be great. That's what I did shows in Austin with my friend Doug Millard, and at the end, as we were ringing in the New Year, which I messed up. Of course I wasn't looking at the right clock or any clock really. He and I put on a two headed sweater and we just it was very bizarre. It made for a good photo.

Oh good.

But yeah, I'm a big fan of the two headed sweater prank. Absolutely any sweater prank. Really, sweater pranks totally unsung. Yeah, should be more out there. My second favorite, No, I swear it's not wool. You don't need to wear a T shirt under it, and then you make someoney itchy. Oh there's so many sweater pranks.

Oh my god. That one's amazing. Just to just kind of a slow burner that one.

Yeah.

Yeah, over the course of an evening, your friend is like, why would I listen to you about anything much less my own comfort level?

Yeah, that is. It is my favorite kind of prank, the one that takes twenty four hours and ends in a rash, just.

A horrible I have a landlin allergy. They start screaming at you something like that. Oh but my sister, this was the story I was telling you in the driveway. My sister and Adrian pressured me into getting an bigger TV because the TV I had didn't fill up the space that the built ins. There's just a TV space that the guy made it big so that I could end up having the biggest TV.

Oh, like a recessed rectangle in the wall.

Correct. Yeah, so the TV I had was just the TV I already had mounted in that space, so there was almost like a big white frame of wall behind it. And apparently that's been bothering both my sister and Adrian for a long time, and so finally they both just started yelling at me of like, just get a bigger fill it in and get it. And then I was just like, well, I guess I was waiting for this TV to break or something to happen, and they were like, don't.

Visiting family will either make you rearrange your furniture or just pressure you. That's so funny. That's like an older sister pressure thing. Yes, yeah, of course it is.

We're also because I'm not paying at it's like TV's TV. If you're looking at your phone, well, not really your phone but it's not that big of a deal. Whichever size you watch it all right to me anyway. Yeah, But now that this gigantic ones here, I'm like, oh, this is a huge difference.

Is it more enjoyable, is it picture better? Is it of a higher quality?

I'm saving to turn it on until my friend is coming overnight to watch what we're calling a big TV movie.

Oh that's great, that makes sense. You don't want to, you know, turn it on for the first time and it be some infomercial, Yes, exactly, Yeah, for the full experience, right, Yeah, it's like a premiere. You're having a TV television premiere tonight.

We're premiering my TV right yeah. Because during the strike you can't promote or go to premiers, so we have to make do with our day to day life, right right, yep. So I think we're gonna watch Terminator two.

It's a great Terminator. I think the better of them. Edward Furlong, I know he had his troubles later in life, but he was a great child actor and very good in that.

An amazing child actor. Yeah, truly.

He brought out the heart and the tears from a robot man.

Yes, yeah, it's very true. Although I have to say a lot of people make that audacious claim about T two versus T one, But I think The Terminator not only is one of the best like maybe sci fi or action movies, it's one of the best romance movies. Yeah, that whole thing where he finally explains to her what's going on is so romantic and beautiful.

In T one.

In T one, yeah, it's amazing.

He talked about that uh oh love scene as well. Yeah, I believe we have I'm confusing it for the salacious if that's the right word scene between Clooney and j Lo, and we did talk about that multiple times in that length, but the perfect Maybe it's just one of the only VHS's I had at a kid where it's like, oh my gosh, they could people in my own house.

Out of sight you mean no?

In T one, Oh yeah, there's nudity there is. You could see Linda from Beauty and the Beasts. I can't remember her last name. Yeah, Hamilton's body. That's a young kid.

You know.

We're clamoring when you don't have time to walk around in the woods and find a magazine clipping or you know, go into the eye off and would go in the Spiegel catalog. You know, the housewares and clothing would be one side. Then you flip it over and there's bras and you just do some.

Catalog fake catalog shopping.

Yeah. Yeah, in the closet. My mother just thought I was getting things online or but now I was clipping things out. And then I would put these pictures in my underwear drawer, and when my parents would leave, I would pull them out and look at them. And now, with the advent of technology, young children are learning that women too have nipples. But I didn't know that until I was at least in my teen years.

You thought that the bras were covering the secret of not having nipples.

Right, much like Barbie, I did not know about the intricacies because I'd only seen bra photos.

Were and now were these I'm imagining the bras because that we would get into the bra section when we were looking through the toys in the Sears catalog.

Correct.

I have vivid memories, and so I always knew It's like basically, when toys were ending, that's when curtain started, which would get me super depressed. And then if you even went further where you're like well, I still feel like looking at something. Then you would start flipping into the bra section where the bras were like bullet bras from the fifties, like those weird pointy ones. Yeah, yeah, that I got upset where it's just like I don't want to have to wear a bra like this.

Yeah, yeah, the Alfred Hitchcock bra. Correct, the cups look like the Tingman's or the dancing ladies from the Nancy Sinatra song in Austin Powers yeah, or perhaps in Madonna. There's a lot of examples.

I mean, sorry, everyone's doing whatever the fuck they want on venture today and I'm not into it. Yeah, that was crazy what that guy just is.

Yeah, it's funny how I just casually notice and then when I go home and drive with my dad if there's something any city behavior, like a honk, it's so funny. In a town of sixty five thousand, if someone honks, it is like fighting time, yes, whereas here it's like, hey, I'm here, it's just a part of our you know.

Here it is. This morning, I was at a light where the guy did the thing where the second the light turned green, he honked.

That bothers me.

It bothers me so much. It's almost like are you joking?

Right?

And I'm pretty sure it was the guy behind me, and I gave him a long look in the rear view mirror, but it's just like, what are you doing?

I feel like I do this a lot, and I feel like you could. You probably do it also, where if someone's mad, you just laugh and smile. Yes, yeah, that always really gets in someone's craw.

That puts you know whose craw really gets into mine? Because that is my family in a nutshell. Like any time you were angry, people would laugh at you, and it is so frustrating and so condescending, yeah, and so irritating, and so yeah, that's the first thing I do because it's like the best way to say fuck you.

Essentially. It's worked forever. I remember when I was a kid and I'd try and throw a tantrum the few times apparently I was a great, perfect kid. Oh, but there is occasionally a time where I'd get upset and my dad would just kind of laugh at me, and then I'm like, Okay, I guess that doesn't work. Lesson learned forever, right, So yeah, if people are angry at you, bombard them with fake happiness.

I mean, it's pretty irritating. But also I can think of a couple times where I tried to like someone tried to talk to me about something important and then I was like, well, actually, I'm glad you brought that up because and then I say the thing I wanted to say, which was like they wanted to say here, I'd like to lodge a complaint with you. And it's like, okay, I'm listening. And also, now that you're done with that,

Oh yeah, and.

Yes it was with a man. And it's like that kind of thing where it's like, what that's so lame.

Yeah, it's that's passive aggress I don't recommend it for in person dealings. No, a stranger that's aggressive on the road where you'll never see them again.

Perfect, Yes, yeah, also strangers who are being aggressive IRL to IRL is that the Ireland? In Ireland, if you're in Dublin and somebody's aggressive, just give them a beer. If you're in real life, I find that where there's definitely an uptick of like the kind of loud complainer, older person that is taken to the streets to because their brain's been poisoned by Fox News, so they're like,

Right, my favorite video on Instagram or TikTok, Yeah.

People just losing it. The best thing and that is to start laughing, because I think those people want you to get as upset as they're upset, and instead, you know, it's like the guy that was at that city council meeting and the people try to do that crazy thing. Oh and that guy in the green shirt was just laughing his ass up with the mustache and.

He was celebrated. Never like I love this guy.

He was crying laughing because the people, I think it was the people who were like trying to say that the election wasn't real where it's like I think it was one of those things, yeah right, where they're just like, yeah, we're all here to meet the city council to kind of get some stuff figured out, and this person was just going off in the craziest way and he just laughed.

Yeah. Yeah.

Instead of just everybody getting angry or and angrier.

And he wasn't doing it to get a rise out of them. He actually found it hilarious. He couldn't control.

He was cracking up in the old school like I'm in church right now since where he's not supposed to be laughing and he can't help it. Yeah, it's perfect.

Yeah, I need to remind myself to do that next time someone's aggressive, because I'm afraid I have a history of matching the aggression and it never works. It's not a good.

Idea, I know, but that's sometimes I do the same thing sometimes where it's like, oh, you think you're mad at me, I'm twice as mad at you. And that's just kind of a that's learned that's a learned behavior that we get from, you know, early life patterning, like little ducks, where it's like, well, this is what I always watch the adults in my life do.

Yeah, it's It's had a different outcome for me though, where I've actually been punched in the face because people call my bluff and they're like, oh, you're not matching my aggressiveness, and I'll prove it, and then they surprised me with a broken nose. That's happened a couple of times. And yeah, you were, you were at a different level than me, right, Yes, was I drunk all those times too? Yeah?

How's that going? By the way?

Great for real? Yes, that's great. Everything I feared like I was missing out on fun or it would be inconvenient for me to be around others that are drinking, it's not hasn't been an issue. There are things I don't go to a if I know the main goal is to have drinks, and I don't want anyone to change their behavior around me because I remember my mom with AA. I think in a lot of programs, I don't want to call them out, but it's like you have to cut anyone that still does this out of

Maybe it's like early days, if you feel a little shaky, they encourage you to focus on yourself and not be because that's kind of a codependence thing when you're laying the groundwork just to start drinking. If you're like I'm putting in all this effort, but I'm also going to meet everybody at the Rustic in every night. Right, it's

I didn't get it at first. I'm like, why this is just a strange marketing thing. It's water for God's sake, but I didn't realize that's what it was for what beer drinkers drink when they're not drinking beer. And I know that's an odule's slogan.

But there's so many more things, so many more choices.

Yeah, I've been drinking. Athletic makes a non alcoholic brew that I find refreshing and low en calories. Who does Athletic is the name of this and it doesn't claim to be cause you to be muscular, but it is. It is what I get, and it fills that void and it occupies my hand because I think my beverage holding hand right, which.

Is the right?

Yes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I never That's why this one is so so much smaller.

It's all weak.

Look at this vain, big arm, Oh my god, and then this little tiny arm. You never had a drink in his life, stupid. Yeah, it is pretty dumb everything.

But I was going your arm, dumb, not your idea, right.

I was jumping on. I was being a third person. Yeah, but yeah, it's it's been very helpful.

And yeah, it's just it's camouflage. Then it's like, because so much of drinking and all that kind of coping is about anxiety. Yeah, and covering anxiety, ma'am, do it and hurry the fuck up? What are you doing?

Oh, she's just a little of a certain age.

I just didn't want her to get t bone. I was if I'm stopping.

All the traffic, yes, yeah, yeah, we could rest knowing that she is in a very.

Safe vehicle, you know, and she's in a safe place the DMV. That's where she was trying.

To say, Oh, man, it might be her last turn into that lot.

She's going to turn her driver's license.

Oh what if it is? She just got that numerous sades. Oh, and she had those thick glasses. She has no hope. My great grandma drove until she was ninety five. Also, she lived to be one hundred and one. Have I bragged about that?

I don't think. So that's great, It's yeah.

That's I have that. You know, also many cases of dementia. But my grandma saw three decador sorry world wars. She fought in them all. Purple heart, yellow heart.

No, she was reallydly in.

World War te centuries. She's born in the late eighteen hundreds, the hundreds, ah, the hundreds with the sundries. I and then lived until I like two thousand and one. Onesies she were onesies. Why why do I make language a difficult obstacle.

I think it's a delightful obstacle.

Thanks you and a handful of others. The hundredes she was in eighteen hundreds and all through the nineteen hundreds.

She collected up her sundries and went across the.

Plains and then with a thundry exit. She's a Kiss of the two thousand Suries.

Oh no, the Kiss of the Spider Woman.

I bring up we talked about Ireland, and I don't want to bomb anyone out, but I do want to address how much I have listened to Mantica today. I really like Shernad O'Connor, and I is very sad.

I'm very sad about the death of Shnad O'Connor, one of our greatest singer songwriters, truly one of the bravest activists there ever has been where she stood up against the world to say the Catholic Church needs to base, there needs to be a reckoning for all of these child molesting priests, right and she did it alone, and

I know, not to be devil's advocate, but I would like to invite you my Satan based inner tonight. No, not to be a devil's but I do wish that it like if only much like with al Gore, And I consider said the al Gore of music, if it was just a clear like because he called it global warming and then it was like, it is not warm. I had a cold day the other day and all these people are bringing snowballs into Congress. If it was

That makes sense. I get the Yeah, and she said fight the real enemy, but I think it was oh.

That is what she said. I believe, so I just watched and but I think Michael's probably banner.

Yeah, none of the producers knew she was gonna do it. But I think you're totally right in terms of like the wording of that is actually crucial for the message, because then the message isn't actually carried. And I wonder if something had just happened where it was like something had just been uncovered.

Or something like that.

I wonder we're too contextual for her, and instead it got like, because God forbid you ever say anything about religion. It's so such a reactive thing. But did you ever see the clip where she went to do a live show for a benefit at this huge I think it was Madison Square Gardens or something, and she walked on stage and they immediately started booing her and.

Chriss Christopher stood by her and yeah, we've talked about him being cool before.

Yeah, that was one of the cooler things.

Yeah.

That and he he got into a fight with not a physical altercation, but like an argument with Toby Keith at some country music. Oh, it was Willie Nelson's seventieth birthday, and he said to Willie Nelson, you're great except for all that lefty stuff. And Christofferson got so pissed off. I think Willie Nelson first said like, yeah, go to

Cool The government paid you to kill another man what.

Is that he was in the army, Like how that feels to be in the army and to feel that and that it's not it's not all heroic and you get all these congratulations he's you know that you're still a person.

Yes, yeah, Chris Stofferson was in the army. Yeah, Toby Keith. The only fight he's been he fell off a stool during a bar fight once and it was a video shoot.

Right, yes, exactly, the whole thing was faked. Yeah.

I do kind of like that video there there. I love this bar. I don't like Toby, but there is a video where he's singing the song and behind him is in nineteen eighties, like Terry Bradshaw and Burt Reynold's bar fight and people are flying it through the air while he's singing, And I'm like, okay, if I have to, you know, spend reality and turn off the volume. Also, I did enjoy that music video, That's all I'm to say. And I do also prefer red so low cups.

Well, here's the thing. Country music is great, and oftentimes the people singing it aren't the people that write those songs.

Is it great?

I mean, yes, it can be. It can be because there's now a bunch of people that are coming out to like argue this Jason Aldian thing, and there it's all the you know, super there's a couple of people I've never seen before because I clearly don't keep up with current country music. But like Jason isbel came up and was like, this guy's from Macon, Georgia. That's a big town. He doesn't know what he's talking about about small towns and that's not how small towns are.

Oh. He was the guy that had a song about not in my small town, which it's.

Try that in a small town.

Oh, which means just about anything. It's that is in cities, which it's and the.

Video is super racist and it's just kind of fucked up.

Yeah, I want to hate watch it. What's his name?

We don't have to just look up try that in a small town. But here's what I love about America and the upside of social media. They started this thing of try that in a small town. And then it just has a picture of a person, so it's I think it. His name is Ahmed Aubrey, the guy that went jogging, and then the guy's killed him, so it's tried jogging. It's his picture, it says the town and what happened to him. So it's like, oh, no, if

And he hasn't back down, of course, or if I was not any of that or even noticed it, unfortunately, probably no.

I think he doubled down. I'm sure he'd I mean, that's all. If you take a stance like that, you're not gonna immediately back down. It's not a mistake.

You just go in the backyard and shoot up a case of bud light or something. Yeah.

I mean that part of everything is so dumb. But I think it's bringing out of people who were like never would make a statement before or stake a claim. I think all like us gen X people are learning from younger people where you do get to say fuck

And it wasn't that long ago. And that's which brings me back to my point. Shreneade O'Connor was doing it when it was not popular, and yeah, she is just the best, the best, and Mandika is just a great song.

And Ninka's great. I'm Stretched on Your Grave as a hit that maybe is a b sad, maybe a lot of people don't know.

Yeah, I'm one of those lots of people.

It's go listen to it because it's.

Basically I'm stretched over your grave, I'm.

Stretched on your grave. It's like a traditional Irish warning song.

I thought it was maybe a death metal.

Number, but they have like there's a there's like a drum beat behind it, so it sounds modern. It's cool. There's a bunch of cool songs on the line. And the cobra that everybody needs to dry out.

Yeah.

And also she had a perfect face, Sneade O'Connor.

Yeah, I did have, and to notice that today when I went on a deep dive of every live performance is very symmetrical, very beautiful, and no one else can pull off a shaved head like Sinead O'Connor.

No, not at all. That's why they really did want her. They thought she was going to be gigantic.

Sorry, you mean tall.

They thought she was going to grow to over seven feet tall.

Yeah. My Orthodonis told me that it never happened.

He said, Chris, by the look of these molars, you're going to be a big boy.

No. They ex rayed my hand to find out. I guess you can predict things through the carpels or the tart tart or the metacarpals. H about what and he said, oh, you're going to be six something. I'm like, like both my grandpa's and every cousin and everyone but my dad but no, no, no, but the braces still worked.

You know, would be sad if the braces are the reason that you didn't that somehow the metal seeped into yours.

I'm like, you don't get me worried about that.

You don't have them anymore.

Well, I do have a cobalt hip in the I mean, I've seen documentaries that it does stunt your vision, just on the heels of me needing glasses.

So I mean, I tell you stop watching hip documentary.

I know it's my favorite genre, though you guys the.

Other ones besides just things to be afraid of after you get a hip surgery.

Oh, femur biopics. I love a hip doc but I do love a scripted femur pick. Oh, what's a good one? My left foot?

Oh, oh jesus.

It's a beautiful Daniel day. We're coming up on the right the ha haa cafe there. It is the first place I ever did stand up. Just days before I met you in a laundromat, which I talk about a lot, but it was Patrick Keane was working the door and he's like, new in town, huh. And then he looked at my license. He's like, you're from Montana. I'm like, yeah, he's like I went to schooling Helena. I'm like, you're kidding me. He all of a sudden made the town

What is old Patrick Keen up to these days?

He's a teacher where in southern California.

Oh, that's where we live.

H I meant to say, like Orange County. I don't know why. I just what's more Southern California than the County of Orange. I don't know if he's also doing stand up he goes, he's he's just juggling. He's doing a career that he got into during quarantine, like a lot of people did. And I think he's I don't know if he's full time teaching still that's great though. Yeah, yeah, he's good at that, I imagine.

Yeah. Yeah, I hope he never quits comedy though, because he's so funny. Yeah, so good at comedy.

Yeah, anytime. And that's why I saw him more recently, during when things were just starting to open up. I did the Irvine improv and I asked to beat open and it had been a while, and his what he does on stage is perfect for setting up my little brand of self deprecating because he's so good at it. Yeah, and I don't lean into it as much because it's very hard to do that and he's so good at it. It's just the best. Like all of his throwaways kind of like blame capachas are like, the show's going to

That's all you need, really, yeah, Jesus Christ, these cars, these blue cars coming straight at us, that's really the theme of the drive today.

They're always blue.

Always blue, and always kind of rolling over that line toward us.

Yeah, it has happened in number three couple. That was a third I know. Oh we got I get a camera in here.

Should we go to Starbucks?

You know I've had two coffees today. Oh, and you know I'm a three coffee guy. The answer is yes.

I mean, you could get lemonade with just a little coffee dripped into it.

I was a simpler person back then. I can't even believe I said, Onalise, I'd like to apologize for making you drink that beverage. It was terrible. I knew it was terrible.

I mean, we have to try things, and we have to experiment, and if you have a theory and you think something might be good, try it out. But then when it's bad.

Admit it own it. And I didn't at the time, and it was cowardly well, which is why I'm going to order another one step on the gas.

I just genuinely wanted to know if I was wrong, right.

Yeah, And if you recall correctly, the word refreshing did come out of Onaliza's mouth. Am I correct in.

That anything for science. It was a scientific experiment. I'm here, We're driving through beautiful burbank.

So many places to buy used guns.

Yes, use guns. There's also if hey, does your vacuum cleaner need repair, well, come down here because there's several like independent businesses like vacuum repair. Oh, I used to get her done. Termite and past control is actually great if you're in the area that. I love those guys because I had so many bugs at that old house, so many bugs, and those guys came several.

Times, all dressed like Larry the Cable Guy. Yep, I was that before. It has to be after, judging by the final in this sunny part of town.

Before or after what.

It became the catchphrase in one of America's favorite comedians and potato chip makers, get her done.

Oh Oh, I think they. I think they took it from him.

Yeah, that's okay. I would think I knew from the vinyl. I know how vinyl ages, and I can tell when it was first applied and burnished.

Although that's impressive.

Grad Yeah, I used to work in this sign business.

But my hesitation is right now because he's in show business. Wouldn't Larry the cable Guy when you said, oh my god, when you said they all look like Larry the Cable Guy. See, this isn't how it works.

I knew it didn't get the reaction I wanted because you weren't. You just were sat on your point, which was they are very good exterminators.

True. Yeah, so I was half listening. But when you said Larry the cable Guy, I just thought of Jim Carrey The Cable Guy. I just thought of the movie where I'm like, oh, that's sure, I'll go along with that one too. But I didn't understand it, and now I do.

Yeah, when he first came on the scene and I opened for him in Austin that I'm like, you mean like the Jim Carrey movie, I don't know. And then I expected at least one or two jokes referencing Quaxiel or any he never addresses. I don't know that he is a cable guy, right.

I think it's just yeah, that started somewhere, and then after a while he's like, who cares, I don't have to justify this anymore. I'm destroying rooms. And here's the thing I would like to say about Larry the cabe Guy. I've only ever heard that he is a lovely human being.

He was very lovely to me, and he had weird jokes, and he would like, oh, my audience won't like this because it's a little weird, but would you please do this joke idea?

Oh yeah, oh that's right, you told me.

Yeah, And he was really sweet to me.

I just love that because male comics, it's really telling that people go out of their way to talk about if a male comic is a decent person. Right, I think I'll just leave it at that. Then it makes me happy to be able to repeat that. For people who follow comedy and love comedy, it's like, oh, that guy's great.

Well it is coming from me, another male comic.

True.

Yeah, I can't speak for someone else's experience with him, but it was nice to me, and I do a lot of people know this in the comedy world, but a lot of people don't know he was a comedian that did that as a character in the middle of his act. That was just Hey, I'm a guy in a turquoise shirt telling jokes, and then he would do this character and then the club start going, just come as that character, your closer, just do that wow, And then he was like, Okay, I guess I'll be full

And also, I bet you that was like eighties nineties when that happened to him.

I wonder. I wonder too, Yeah, I certainly there's like you can watch sets of his from the nineties as Dan Whitney, and it's bizarre because he has like feathered hair, but it's the cable guy. It wasn't year. It wasn't until the two thousands that he did this. And again, I don't want to talk politics with the guy or anything.

I just well, yeah, but I think that being from the South, there's almost like this expectation of what you have to be, Like that's the inverse of like being a comic from California.

Look at this guy. Look at this that guy, Oh, look at that that was we just witnessed a truck hastily. He did not want to wait, or he realized he needed to go to the pharmacy. He's like, wait, this isn't a drive through aspirin store. I mean what he just peeled out. It's such truck behavior. That was.

But he peeled out over the curb to get out of the drive through.

Lane, just like Larry the Cable Guy's character would have done in the movie Cars. And someone brought up a good point. He was a tow truck in that I was not a cable car. Someone said that in a video and it made me laugh.

Marry the cable car because cable cars can't go wherever they want.

I know the real reason, animation wise, and you know I'm a manimal drawer anthrop pomorphized objects and animals. There's no headlights on a cable car, so he would be a character without blinking eyes.

Cable cars aren't cars. No, I'm just gonna say it.

Okay a lot. I've been in this argument before. We train people.

Can I just sidebar this?

No, we have to stick with this.

I love cars. Are you looking at these frozen lemonade Starbucks refreshers beverages? Yeah that I hate to do a commercial for.

Yeah, but that's what I'm gonna get.

Yeah, I'm gonna get something totally different than normal.

Well being that I've had all of them, I highly recommend the dragon fruit.

Is that true?

Yeah? I come to the Bucks a lot. What Yeah, yeah, it's delicious, and the strawberry Asai lemonade is also good. I haven't had the pineapple passion fruit lemonade, but that's because it's a bit of a tongue twister.

And you just don't want to embarrass myself. Yeah, you don't want to be shamed.

Yeah, but yeah, I mean I don't know though, that there's caffeine in it. And isn't that why we're here? No for that drug?

I don't think so.

Well, then you need to drive over this median and get us to that CBS because I want drugs.

Hi, my name's Karen. Can I get your the frozen strawberry lemonade?

I would like a grande iced coffee, and can I put a little lemonade in it?

Okay?

Thanks? I it just came out of my mouth. You know, I didn't want it. It's gonna be great.

I just you can have the SIPs of mine if you don't want to drink it.

I'm a guy that commits to a bit.

Well that's great.

Yeah.

Uh, we should drive around until you've finished the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, we should workshop this on wheels.

I can't wait I normally like if I was by myself and we weren't recording and someone said, Hi, my name's Becky or whatever, she said, what's your name? I don't even know. I don't know if I would have like I hate that.

I like it, you know what I well. To me, it's the equivalent of because people are so rude and that you know, yes, yeah, And I always I when I say, hey, how are you today? That's what I always say, and they're always like, oh wow, thanks for asking, Like it's it's nothing, I'm doing nothing, but they always seem to appreciate it. Yes, And so I make sure heard throwing it right back at you. Hey, what's your name?

I know it Just I have that feeling where I'm like, oh, this is the thing I've my nineties reactive brain says, do not participate in this.

Well. It is very close to that waiter the crouches down that's like, hey, guys, no, what are we doing today? That's nice? I like that and they feel your fabric.

And then I'm like, oh, well, now I'm in love with you and I knew you didn't mean it. I'm going to try to meet you out by the break station.

To give you more of a tip. If you know what I wink, if you know what I wink.

If you know what I wink, that's what.

There's a lot of people that and I know them adults that can't wink. Oh really, they go to wink and they have to contort their whole face. And I guess they've just never had a secret. But who really winks.

My friend Don Fraser winks, really is the Eleprechaun. It's a girl.

Oh okay, well Don, I jumped to the d.

O N right, And this is what the Barbie movie is about. How you refused? Ye jumped to the dawn.

Yep, it's true. I need to be todd a lesson, and I wanted to be colorful.

I think that no guy who's ever had an older sister or older sister's plural should be expected to go to the Barbie movie unless they want to. Right, Yeah, you've already gotten all these lessons times now.

Yeah. I played with my It's weird because my sister had toys, but I had. They were sanded, but just shapes of wood. My dad cut from a two by four for toys. But she did have Barbie's and she had like the bionic one, which I thought was the coolest. There was a woman.

Yeah, that was just an action figure for the TV show.

Oh it was. Yes, it wasn't a fairy faucet. Barbie, of course not. I say it out loud now and I want to apologize to Mattel.

Don't worry about it.

But shebies too.

You know why because Barbie didn't have like her arm that opened with the circuitry.

Yes, yeah, I always thought, Thank god I never got it, but I thought a tattoo of of like ooh circuitry, Like I thought it'd be cool to have that.

That would be cool.

Yeah, I've seen it though. You know, I'm glad I didn't get any of those colorful joke tattoos because you know, I just want little tiny doorbell motor prison tattoos. I think those like the best, like.

The Russian Russian prison.

Yeah, I like them.

She got killy. Can I have my first?

Yeah? Yeah, well I can get this one all right? Yeah, here you go, thank you. The pin number The card number is four, okay.

Christo for so you say it. Jack Black tells a very funny story. Do you know Jack Black? Both of his parents worked at JPI and his mother had gave birth to him while she was giving notes on one of the like NASA space things that happening.

I don't know what JPL is.

Oh, Jet Propulsion Laboratories.

Yeah, oh I knewest.

We drove by their, remember myself. That's when we got lost in Pasadena.

Oh, much like the time. And I think I called it the Philadelphia Project, the Manhattan Project. It's the Oppenheimer movie is about. Yes, I when we mentioned that, I did mention that I was in the desert and in uh in New Mexico, and it seemed like I was making it up. I just now realized it was that. But it was a situation like when we were podcasting and stumbled upon NASA.

Oh yeah, okay, yeah, Oh I thought you were just free free associationd.

No, no, no, it was. It was very similar anyway, Sorry to interrupt.

No, no, no problem, okay, I will.

I'm going to remind you of what we were talking.

Can you remember those that's that's.

Parents working not for LBJ.

Wow. Uh Jack Black's parents are LGBT.

Oh right right, yes, Cleia, this has got a little lemonade in it, right, lemonade yep.

And sweetener.

Okay, thank you. I have a feeling this will become the citrus brew that.

I that you've always dreamed of.

Yep, is that it? No, it's bad, it's bad.

I oh I applaud your honesty.

Yeah. No, it's worse than before. Oh no, yeah, I think that a sweetener made it even more funky.

Oh it feels like you should also make out a lea drink. No compared to it's gonna be yours.

I just want my medicine. So Jack Black's parents work for JBL speaker manufacturers.

They're very They just love a great sound. Oh, LA's a union town. Someone has that on their mini on their minivan. That's cool.

With the drawing of tacos in a delivery Okay, so it's like a union for food delivery people. Oh that's cool. Yeah.

Well, because you know, there's some people who worked at McDonald's and walked out because they didn't have air conditioning in an La. McDonald's and the workers and of course they have still they've always been fighting for a better minimum wage, right, and so they all walked out.

That's great.

Yeah, don't try not to go to McDonald's until that gets resolved.

Oh, okay, I won't and I haven't been for many years because it causes a stomach ache.

Okay, yeah, there's so many good.

Reasons jet propulsion laboratories. Let's talk about this. Jack Black and his parents.

Both of his parents were I don't know, astrophysicists, rocket scientists, whatever this is, yes, thank you sir. So that's just

Be something like that, that's just like I want them to think I'm a weirdout.

Yeah, I want them to think I'm bionic.

That's great. And the wires he grabbed it from where something very important at mommy and daddy's work and that day a missile launch went awry.

He had the capability to grab wires all around the house.

Why is the toaster not working? Jack also starred in Jim Carrey The Cable Guy.

Was he in The Cable Guy?

He was?

Oh?

Was he in The Cable Guy? He was in that and also Airborne, a movie about rollerblading that I wished was about skateboarding because it was actually a pretty good movie. And he was just like a dramatic kid actor. But I always saw that he was funny.

What was he in The Cable Guy?

He was one of Matthew Broderick's friends that they're playing basketball with. Who like Philip Seymour Hoffman, who's also in the movie. It's a great film. You need to revisit it. Larry The Cable Guy, Jim Carrey, The Cable Man. Yeah, Cable Yes, anyway, the Cable Gentleman. Is It launched a career of so many great people and it's it's very good. But he he suspects that Jim Carrey is like a stalker person he was right.

Yeah, he was on to him. That makes me think I saw an amazing clip on what app Tac toe tic Tac toe h And it's Jim Carrey giving he's supposed to be presenting and it's I can't tell if it's the Golden Globes.

Yes, I did you see it? Yeah? Oh hi, I'm two time Global Golden Globe. Yeah. He's a better speaker and I that's why it makes the big box.

But this speech, like the way he does it and the it's so funny, and I think it's a little after the fact of everything. Yeah, So you're getting the feeling that like it's so smart of him because he's just like immediately saying hi, I'm he's introducing himself. It's saying he's two times Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey.

And one day and at night I go to sleep not like a normal person, as two time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey, to dream about my third Golden Goolden Globe because I have trouble saying that. Don't I found out something.

It's Palmer of Award shows.

Yeah, rear real drive Real, rear real window window. Anyway, he says I one day I dream to be third time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey, because then my life will be complete. And it's to watch people like Denzel Washington sitting up front so excited and invested in this life.

And it's so like it's almost like mathematically laid out to be the most hilarious bit and speech. It's the thing. Everyone's trying to do it award shows, and no one, even the funniest people that you love the most, they can't because those that it's such a losing game. Yeah, and he nails it perfectly.

Yeah, he doesn't, and he doesn't have to have any Jervais like anger when he does it. He's just like silly about it, Yes, holding a mirror up.

But then he's actually saying some of the kids, he goes because and then I will be enough, because once I win that third Golden Globe, then I will be enough. The search will be over. And that's when the laugh gets like huge.

Yeah, yeah, it's great, and I appreciate you purposefully messing up Golden Globe to makes me feel better. Yeah, he is, and it's right before he kind of you know, he's retired. He's no longer He's like, I'm a painter, and I being Jim Carrey was a character for me. Obviously. It wasn't happy. No, you would think, we look at that air stream, that's nice.

What are you doing over there?

Acting like baked potatoes? The family of them quintin there knows where their ears are.

What if a baked potato had wheels.

There, you'd have it. Oh they're so neat, Yeah, really cool they do. They don't take well the dents though.

No, can't get rid of that, you know, airstream trailers. I just read this thing because I had to do not how to do. My story on my Favorite murder was about Knight of the Grizzlies at Glacier National Park. Are you familiar with this?

I am actually not, and those are my stomping grounds I know.

It was a story about how one night in nineteen sixty seven, bears just started attacking people at the park and they never had before, but they had been bears had been baited for years. They leave food out for them so that they would come over and people could watch them. Oh and like whatever. And then also there's a lot of litter around because picking up after yourself

Let's yell, let's yell and call them scabs. It's a production.

They could have gotten a sagwaiver if they're an independent production that's agreed with the terms.

That's too much to yell as we drive by. Yeah, yeah, it's that's it. I didn't ever hear about that. Maybe it's because the sixties, but you would have thought I was always scared of bears.

Good yeah, great, that's goodness. Yeah, but wait, I was telling you that for reason.

The reason was.

It was Jim's carry adjacent.

Yeah, they all rose up and retired from being bears.

Oh, here it is. It's the airstream connection.

Oh, thank you.

In that story, I learned that after World War Two, basically there was this huge obviously there's the infrastructure Bill that got a bunch of people working again, and they were working on fixing bridges, building roads, and that's how

And that's when airstreams were first made and they never changed the design.

I'm gonna say yes. I'm gonna say yes because it feels right.

Yeah, and you know that I'm leaning. I'm giving you a lot of pressure to.

Say yes, yeah, but I think it's true.

Yeah, because they do. They every time I see one, I get excited and nostalgic from my childhood in the sixties.

You were born in the sixties. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry to tell you right now, I am fifty eight. Did you know that a lot of people when they when they only know us from me from my voice, that they assumed I was in my sixties. No, yes, I hear it very often. No, my voice sounds like an older Oh, I've heard it so many times. No, it's okay, behind us.

Well, that's insane.

Yeah, I hear it very often. And then there's the added burn of and I thought you'd be taller. You know, people just blurt what they they blurt.

I am, I blurt.

Disappointing height and skin smoothness. But what they're looking for smooth Yeah, they were a tall, wrinkling bag of bones. I'm sorry, I can't deliver.

That's so insane. Although as a person who compulsively listens to podcasts, you do just build a little picture in your mind. The difference for me is I would never then take the results of that back to the real human being and be like, here's how I'm disappointed by the fantasy version of you versus the reality version.

Right right? Yeah, I think I know what you just said. And if I didn't, it's my.

I can restate.

Please, Could you restate that? And I pull out a uh stenographer keyboard a kindle? What happened to the kindle?

My dad still got one. He's a big believer, you know.

Uh Jake Jillenhall stars in the New Barbie as a kindle. I don't like myself. Sorry, nuts, Yeah, it's just on the plane playing with my kendle. Is that Are you reading a book? No? Just dressed him up, just dressed him up, putting his arms on backwards.

Little pink shirt on his kindle.

No, what were you saying about it?

About who I was done?

You mentioned? Yeah, I just didn't. But you're saying I'm a visionary.

I'm saying I understand and empathize with people who build a little fantasy pictures in their mind.

Oh my god, don't just don't report it to people. I now I know exactly. Perhaps that's what I'm glad I'm made your ve stated. Yeah, I was.

Being too vague because I don't want to be rude, because it is kind of fun, Like, first of all, because I'm guilty of it too, that we've been working at the exactly right network. We've been working with each other, many of us for three years, and some people have never met in real life or seen each other in real life. Maybe i'd like a Christmas party or something. But the first time I met Alejandra, who produces my favorite murder, she it was at our It was at

But but if you've been tall your whole life, it's like, oh, really right? The thing I've heard since sixth grade?

Yeah, and just like what am I like this? One of the many things I lost in Quarantine was that whatever the door was that would shut on ideas like that right is now just waving open. Yeah.

Remember when we all first started meeting and people were just blurting, It's like, I'm sorry. It was an understanding. Everyone knew when you said I'm sorry, it's like I don't know how to act yet. Yeah, but I'm slowly getting it back. Everyone was in the same boat.

I would do things where I would be mid ten minute monologue, but my eyes would be panicky and I'd be like, sorry, I can't stop talking because I was kind of spent a lot of time alone. Right, So it was like the first like I remember eating with my friend Albertina and just being like I was just like, I swear to God, this story will end soon, but I it just feels great to just be holding forth.

Yeah, it's just our timing was off. Yeah. Yeah, and it's coming back.

It's coming back. Yeah, it's getting easier.

We're back in the car. Everything's great.

Oh that's nice. That is nice.

Yeah.

I feel like the reason I'm excited personally about Barbie, and maybe many people are, is because it feels like everyone's going to one thing at one time, and so everyone's having like a singular experience that they can all talk about them right on social media, which that I feel like we haven't had a positive version of that in a long time. There's been lots and lots of negative ones.

But yeah, and my tendency always is if everyone likes a thing, I'm revolting and I'm not going to see it yet. I'm I'm a changed person since talking to my plants for three years. And I also want to see Barbie. If everyone's excited, I'm excited.

Yeah, that kind of thing where I think that was a luxury of the nineties that we had so much good There was so much good feeling and goodwill that we didn't realize we should not be turning away from it until it dried up. And you know, this country became divided.

Yes, yes, we did become divided.

Maybe we always were, Maybe we always were.

My tone now is conclusionary because we're taking a turn on your street. That's right, That's where I get real. Npr m H, what are your.

Final thoughts about this drive today?

I would like everyone to take more care when during a random left turn from the middle of the road. Wheez, and I'm talking to you. Blue cars, blue cars for sure. I would like to admit that I will never ever again order a coffee and lemonade. But I am look at me, halfway done with this.

Oh what I'm going through?

It drugs and and I also just want to say our guests today was great, although quiet.

Yeah, yeah, it's one of my favorite kind of guests.

Our guests today had something come up, but they'll be on again soon. And that's all the hints I'm giving.

Okay, yeah, that'll be a rebook.

Yeah, it's just like a teaser. Oh my god, you're having a guest. Thanks for the scoop. Shit for brains. That's how people talk to me, you know.

I know I heard that and that you're not tall enough, right, yeah, you're not You're too young and you're not tall enough.

If anyone actually did say those things to me, I'm these are just lighthearted jabs, and I'm sure in the moment I was like, yeah, I know I do sound like an old guy, or yeah, I know I am short. I don't get offended.

I mean, no, you shouldn't. But about that short, maybe I should do about gust was an old guy?

Now that you mentioned, oh no, And then I immediately put on a Scooby Doo.

You kids, it's like reverse Scooby Doo where Chris puts the mask on at the end of the ey.

Yeah, I've been a hologram for nine years now. You know I'm the hilarious caretaker that will continue for another season.

And here's me. You make it a tall sandwich out of where they? Where are they getting shredded lettuce on it? One time they were on a submarine?

Why Gay, it's from a garden anytime? Thank you for setting me up for my one impression perfection?

Why gay? Do the intro as shaggy? Please?

This is Gaysey Gayson. No, it's that's who did it? Yes, like you've been listening to do you need a ride? The Hyan Roll? This has been an exact play right.

Production produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh you're welcome.

I couldn't even get through the ridiculousness of it. What if people only listen to that part