Today with Aransas Savas and Kara Cutruzzula: How to Activate Your Dreams

Hi everyone, welcome to Do It Today. I have a special episode of the podcast for you, a collaboration with my dear friend Aransas Savas. Aransas is a well being and leadership coach who spent her career at the intersection of research, behavior change, and coaching. She's a 21 time marathoner. We actually met in a run group in Brooklyn many years ago, and she's one of the most inspiring and important people in my life.

This year, Aransas launched the Uplifters podcast, which tells the stories of interesting and inspiring women and the powerful mindset techniques you can use to create your biggest life. This episode is living on the Uplifters podcast and right here on Do It Today. I hope you get the same jolt of motivation from our conversation that I did.

an uplifter is a compelling leader who tries to breathe life and hope into people around them who listen and care and guide and help, whose way of being in the world inspires. Who uplifts with humor and understanding. Who leads by example. Don't judge. Vulnerable. Bold determination. Who are here to create a better world. Who can learn and teach. Who encourages you. Who shines. Their light to lead other people who uses their best self in order to help others.

I found the life that I liked and I worked toward that. We're all uplifters. Be love.

Welcome to the Uplifters podcast. I'm your host, Aransas Savas, and today I am joined by one of the most important people in my life. My friend Kara Cutruzzula. For those of you who don't already know Kara from me talking about her incessantly, she's a writer, an editor, a playwright, a musical theater lyricist. Her work inspires and delights people. She brings perspective and joy with the loving and powerful questions she asks, the honesty with which she shares her own story.

She's the author of three incredible journals, most recently, Do It or Don't, a boundary creating journal, which encourages readers to say no more often and reclaim their time for what matters most, but she's also the host of the incredible Do It Today podcast, which like.

Most of her work and absolutely all of mine has some roots and something we lovingly call VFTR stands for Virtual Friday Therapy Run. Originally it was FTR Pre Pandemic. We would meet up and go for a lap at Prospect Park every Friday morning. And then on those runs, we were like, dang, that was like therapy, dang, that was really clarifying and valuable. And I saw how to get out of my own way and how to keep moving forward and turn ideas into plans.

And it became so valuable that we had to name it and ritualize it. And then during the pandemic, of course, that became harder and Kara moved away from Brooklyn and yet. It was so important to us by that point that we had to figure out how to keep it going.

Every Friday we call each other and then we try to start out I think with like a recap of our days or our weeks and very quickly we get stuck on one thing that's really been piling up in our brains and we ask each other questions and we dig around in the stories. For me, it's honestly been more important than therapy. in a lot of ways. It's been more life changing and it's free, which is crazy.

So today, we're gonna do something we came up with on one of our VFTRs, which is talk to each other and work our way through some of the big questions in Kara's new boundary creating journal to see what we can discover and uncover for ourselves in the course of this conversation. We're also going to talk a little about our days because that's what Kara does on her podcast Do It Today.

I love that you have dug into exactly what the VFTR is because I feel like that framing device has totally changed it for me too. It's not just, Oh, we talk every week, you know, and like catch up. It's, it's really purposeful and just acts as a way to reflect on. What happened this week? Because we both talked about how we have terrible memories. And so we'll be talking on Friday and be like, Oh my gosh, something really amazing happened on Tuesday. I already forgot.

And if I didn't take the second to tell someone else about it, it might just kind of fade away. And so celebrating our wins and working through anything that needs to be worked through is, um, yeah. The sort of twin goal, I think for me of the, of our little VFTRs and then also maintaining and deepening our friendship. And I feel like everyone should have that kind of regular, low pressure, important and crucial anchor to their week. So it's definitely been life changing for me too.

And I think we're, we're probably on year, I don't know, four, five, six of infinity. Yeah. Yes, please. I'm so glad you bring up the friendship piece of it too, because that is, as much as the work part of it has been really wonderful, for me, so much of it was about cultivating friendships with people I really admire. Because friendships are active. I think we forget that friendships take energy. They take activation. They take repetition of just reaching out.

And then when we're sort of lacking that, I think we can forget that you can find it again. It's all about like choosing and finding the people who will really light you up, who you really want to talk to on Friday at 7 a. m. If it wasn't you, it's like, would it happen? I'm not sure, but we both know we're going to bring, like, if not our best selves, but a version of ourselves that is ready to show up and be present for the other person.

And I think a big piece of this is that we have made it super, super high value. And I really believe that we are most likely to show up for the most high value moments in our lives. And so we get a lot out of it personally, professionally, the friendship, but we're also running. And so there's that added incentive to actually show up for the run that we want to do and that we know will make us feel better.

And it gets us out of bed a little earlier and it gets us fresh air even on a bleak or snowy day. That feels good. And so by stockpiling so much value in a single moment, it becomes totally non negotiable. Exactly. And I don't even put it on my calendar anymore because I just know that it's there. So I think that that's, in a way, I would call it like a certain kind of boundary or structure on my life because it's non negotiable. It's there Friday mornings, even if it's, you know, a quick.

45 minutes or an hour, you can just like rely on it to sort of offer both the perspective that we need at the end of the week and enter the weekend and the next week with a renewed sense of what we actually want to be doing, what we can do next, even on like the bad weeks. I feel like we always try to find something to push forward or activate in the next couple of days.

On the Uplifters podcast, I talk to a lot of really inspiring women, and I always ask them, what do you do to take care of you while you're busy taking care of everyone and everything else? And invariably, relationships and talking out, whether it's through coaching or therapy or ministry or friendship, comes up as a core piece of how these women support and sustain their good work in the world. This is my answer to that.

And there are lots of other support systems built up in my life, but I think it's, it's pretty universal that we need that. And so I have this hope that if people are listening to this right now and thinking, Oh, I don't have that. This is just one more way to build that, that's super accessible and that we have an opportunity to actively create for ourselves.

And I think it's a, it's just a different way to think about self care because I think normally when I hear that term, this wouldn't fall into that bucket. I think a yoga class, I think taking a bath, I think, you know, taking yourself to a movie or a pedicure or something. But thinking about what you actually really need, what activates.

you what or also what gives you that kind of rest and I think having that engagement with someone else can just sort of make that like boiling pot of your brain kind of set to simmer a little bit more and you're just taking a big breath together. It's a beautiful way to look at a different kind of self care. I think a big reason why VFTR works so well and is so important to me week after week after week. And I mean, I'm fully into giving myself the freedom for it not to be infinity either.

I like to keep my options open and to keep choosing my way forward. That just feels really good to me to keep saying like, do I want to do this? Hell yeah. Right.

And I think that that's the sort of point of do it or don't, right? It's, it's making the decision and sort of realizing every day and everything that we're doing. How often we tell ourselves, Oh, I have to do this. Even I'll say things for things that I like, Oh, I have to write that newsletter. I have to post that podcast. I don't actually have to do most things I can choose to do it.

And I think showing up and choosing the things that you're really passionate about allows you to enter them with that sense of excitement and joy and enthusiasm and maybe nervousness instead of saying, and this is another obligation that I have to do over and over again. I was just thinking you wrote the journal that we both needed at the time that we needed it because we both have a strong tendency toward what I think of as hyper accountability.

If we say yes to something, we will move mountains to make it happen. And sometimes that means making ourselves crazy along the way and continuing on even past a point where it feels healthy or helpful or good. And it's one of the things we challenge each other on.

And when we hear that little obligation voice start to crop up in our storytelling about the things that we're doing, get curious with each other about whether we still even want to do it just to maybe, and we're both tuned into it because we're both sensitive to that tendency in ourselves. And so by asking it, I think we remind ourselves and each other that we do have choice. Great. Why are you doing that? Why are you moving that project forward? What about it still excites you?

Do you have that sense of, of joy and enthusiasm in your voice anymore? If I say yes, I really want to show up. I really want to do my best work. Give 110%. I think it's a little bit of perfectionism, but it's also just like I said, yes, so I'm going to follow through. So instead of saying, well, I'm going to dial that down to you can get 60 percent of me. I think being careful with how we choose from the very beginning.

What we're letting into our orbit has to be that first gate that we put down and sort of say, is this a yes? Is

this a no? And if it's a maybe how, what questions can I ask to get it to either one of those? Yes, and my problem in truth is that everything sounds exciting to me because everything sounds like a chance to learn or to connect with other people or to experience something new. And those three, like I do motivational profile assessments with clients all the time. Those are three of my biggest motivators. And so, of course, I'm going to say yes to just about anything that is offered to me.

And I've said yes to some weird stuff in my life, which has made my life rich and interesting and fun and also sometimes overwhelming. So my new, my new tool for myself, because I think for those of us who say yes to things all the time. There's a reason, and so to figure out how to work past it, we have to figure out what that reason is so that our tactics are well aligned with the specific challenge. And for me, I understand the challenge, and so my new one is, Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing.

Can I have 24 hours to think about it? Oh, that's so good. I can't do that full assessment that you're talking about, about the cost and the benefit and the reward and whether it fits with my life and all. I can't do it in the moment because I'm too excited. But I love too, you're giving yourself a deadline in that too. You're not saying, Oh my gosh, should I do it? Should I not?

You're saying this is interesting enough to get through that first step and now I'm going to have 24 hours to think about it. I can weigh the pros and cons. I can. Also see, are you going to have to remove anything from your life to incorporate

that thing? Because if we're almost at the overwhelm level and we take on one more thing, I think something that sounds really amazing can quickly turn into something we dread just by virtue of what it's surrounded by in your life. And if it actually has the time and space in your life that you want to give it, but 24 hours, it's a, it's a great tactic. Thanks. Thanks. I love a force infection. I just was about shifting my expectations of myself as much as anything.

So I know on your show, you talk to people about their days. What is your day to look like today, Cara? Oh, it's so funny you asked that. My day, it started with sleeping in a lot because I was really tired and I, you know, I'm going to run a marathon on Saturday. And I actually had your voice in my head, which said, you need to sleep more the week before. And I thought, do I want to wake up, make myself tired for the rest of the day?

And maybe get some stuff done, but also be really exhausted the entire day. Or do I just want to sleep that extra hour and a half and catch up later today and probably only get done the things that really need to get done today? So one question I've been asking myself every day this week is what is the one most important thing to do today? And I kind of hate it because I want to say, well, I actually have four things.

I actually have five things, but what is like the one thing that I need to get done that will make this a sort of successful day has been really helpful because it makes me actually assess each thing next to each other. And so I want to edit a podcast. I need to do some editing work. I have a bunch of emails to get back to lots and lots of things, but that one thing has been a very kind of.

directed to do on my to do list, at least for the last week, I love a little strategy and then I might quickly forget about it or abandon it, but it's been useful at this busy time with a lot of different pulls on my attention. It's interesting too, because one of the questions in do it or don't is what's the most important priority in your life right now.

And so in essence, that's what you are practicing, but in the most practical way, because once you identify what's the most important thing in your life, what does that mean? Right? Unless that turns into a filter for your day to day actions, then it's just an idea and probably going to lead to a big guilt hangover. That you're not attending to the most important priority.

Yeah. And that most important priority can be a, you know, six month, 12 month goal, whatever it is, but narrowing it down to, am I moving that forward on a day to day basis? And you made me realize what I thought was one of my one most important thing today is not. The most important thing today. And so I'll make an adjustment and I will carve out even 20 minutes to do the one most important thing. And then I'll just feel that little sense of relief, you know, that sense of satisfaction.

That I completed something that is really important to me and really meaningful to me. And I can be there for everyone else in my life. I can get back to people. I can help other people with their goals. But even having that like 20 minutes helps propel me to do those other, those other things for other people. What has your day look like so far? What are you doing today? So my day has also been different than usual. I'm, I don't think I'm a very rigid person in general.

Maybe I am more than I think, but I do go to bed at 10 p. m. every day and I do wake up at 6 a. m. every day. And yet, last night was the Signal Awards, so we got all dressed up and went to the reception with all the other fancy podcasters and then went out to dinner and celebrated that. And I knew it was my husband's birthday today, his 50th, and so I took the morning off, which Yay me for thinking about my future self.

That doesn't always happen, but in this case, I was like, past self, I like you. You're doing great. And so I slept in until probably seven and I still did all my morning routines. So I'm taking a break from Connections and Wordle right now. I used to like really do my Connections Wordle and Duolingo every morning, but I realized I was spending more time on those puzzles and getting very little joy out of them other than the connection with my family via the family text to check in on it.

And so I've just decided, I set a five minute timer, whatever happens of those three things in five minutes. That's what happens that day. So I still touch them, but I'm just not spending half an hour with them because it just wasn't serving me. I have added this week experimenting with two new things. So I'm doing a two to five minute meditation because I've just not been as consistent with meditation or my own daily reflection as I might like to be.

And I say maybe because I don't know I'm going to experiment with it for a little bit. And if I love it, I'll keep going. If I don't, I'll stop. And then I'm doing one minute of EFT, so tapping, emotional freedom technique. I go on Instagram, there's an, there's an account that posts them and I have to say I'm only three days into my new meditation tapping ad and It's really been grounding and I really am enjoying it.

So then went down to my building's gym, did a workout, did a short run, came home, got myself showered and all of that business. And then my husband and I went out to breakfast for his birthday. Got my very favorite sandwich in the whole world. And then, uh, came home and saw a client.

stepped in to meet you, then I'll write a newsletter, do some work on these focus groups that I've been leading for the work that I do for companies, and then I will take my daughter to a doctor's appointment and order some sushi for my husband's birthday dinner. and get myself to bed at 10. So it's a rich puzzle every day. I love this idea that you knew last night was going to be an exception, and it's a worthwhile exception. Yeah. You were so excited about it that it's like, I will adjust.

All of the next day to sort of make it work and then you don't have to be rigid about that routine and to sort of force yourself up and to feel tired and you can enjoy time with your family and building those things in ahead of time is kind of the secret to feeling like we're in control of our day, right? Yes. Yes. Because the idea of this life that I was designing was not. To say no to everything I love that isn't work. It was in service of everything that I love that isn't work.

And work is something I love. I mean, I really like my work and I get great joy and purpose out of it. But it's not the only thing. And so, because I enjoy it so much, I think it's like handy for some people. I have to just consciously monitor how much of myself I pour into it and make sure that I'm still showing up for the other things. Well, and this makes me think about something we often talk about, which is our capacity and you are a very high capacity person.

We can give you a really big plate and add a million. I mean, it looks like Thanksgiving dinner on there. Like there's a million different, wonderful, amazing foods to eat. And. You can handle a lot. When do you realize it's too much or I need to scale back in certain ways, or I'm not focusing on the things that really deserve my energy right now? How do you live life with a high capacity? So for me, in truth, I think it's less about how much I'm doing or even what I'm doing.

It's more about these monthly patterns for me. I have weeks of extreme high energy clarity and focus and my to do list, which I will often cross 60 things off a to do list in a day, plus have 10 meetings. I mean, it's because there'll be a three minute margin and I will get things crossed off that list in that three minute margin. So it is very high capacity and it is a very full plate and some weeks the list starts to just grow and grow.

I keep my list on post its and sometimes there'll be like six post its that are sitting there languishing and I'm like, Oh, this is a problem. This is one of those weeks. And so on those weeks, I actually just say, okay. It's one of those weeks and I'm going to nap every day this week. Other weeks I have no desire to nap and I just, I feel like the tasks are just like flying off of Post it, they're just happening magically and it is, it's about my level of focus.

And I said to you the other week when I was having one of those really unfocused weeks, That I felt like I was copying things and forgetting where they went before I pasted them. And I think that's kind of what happens in my brain when it's not in flow. And for me, it's just sort of been a matter of not expecting myself to be in flow all the time. I stay in flow a lot, and I'm trying to be really accepting of not being in flow too, and accept that as a part of the process.

It can so quickly shift. I had a week like that last week and then three things happen and you go, I have a whole new level of energy or, and it's not even, maybe it's not even like I got 10 hours of sleep, but suddenly I found something to be really excited by. I found something to dip me into that flow state and to keep that. Kind of good current of energy going through the other things you're doing in your life. It sounds very Accepting I guess for yourself.

It's not judge those times when you don't have the capacity or the flow that you normally have and to recognize that you can always Find it again, I will find it a lot faster if I'm not judging myself. It's the judgment that slows me down and deepens the lack of flow. No, totally. I think that that's when we get into the wallowing or the, why is this happening to me, kind of mindset, which can really bring you to a standstill in a way.

Feels hard to get out of and hard to like find that activation again. So I like this idea of finding the belief that you will get back there again, I think. Yeah, because I think if we can trust that the inner chatter quiets and lets us listen to what we really need. Can I ask you a question from your journal now? Oh, sure. Let's do it.

I'm gonna begin at the beginning. I think this is one of, if not the first question in the entire journal. So setting good boundaries starts with self-respect. Share a few positive qualities about yourself. I really make people fill that out in the beginning of the journal. That's hard. When I say I'm gonna show up, I show up. I feel like I'm very generous with my time and energy towards people who come to me for certain things.

I like helping people sort of move forward in their life, in their projects, in their careers. In a sort of selfish way, because I feel like it gives me a lot back. I feel more energized about my own things that I'm doing. I am... Not afraid to be a beginner at something. I've started a lot of things, especially the last ten or so years, working for myself. Started consulting with people, started writing books, started learning how to write.

Musicals, there's just a lot of starting over and over again, and that beginning stage is really fun for me. Acquiring a new skill is something that feels very valuable to me. So those are a few things that I feel like I... I do well. Also true. I'm

glad. I mean, I could go on with 30 other things I admire about you, but yeah, those are three really big ones. Can I ask you a question? Okay. Okay. This is fun. Oh my gosh. Maybe this is how everyone should interact with the journal. I know. This would be really fun, wouldn't it? For those of us who struggle to put pen to paper, just have someone you love and trust ask you the questions. The wheels are turning in my head now.

This is a logistical type of question, but what is one plan, event, or task you've been meaning to do, but have been putting it off? Break it down into easy steps here. Okay. What have I been meaning to do? All right.

So my podcast has been doing really great. It's really been growing and It's really been fulfilling. Of all the things I've ever done, I've done a bunch of things. Like you, I've been pretty fearless and just like experimenting and trying things. Nothing has felt as truly good and right as the podcast in my work.

And so I interviewed someone this week and she was talking about how amazing it was hosting her podcast for a year and how she had to quit because she was so overwhelmed with the day to day work of it and maintaining a full time job at the same time because the vast majority of people doing podcasts are not earning any money off of them and so we take on a full time job in addition to our full time job and that's not sustainable.

So I was like, thank you for reminding me of what I have to figure out.

And what I just keep punting on, which is I have to figure out how to work with brands to fund the work with the podcast. I know it's good. I know it's valuable. I know it's helpful and I've got to keep it going. I could. I could do ads like those, like pre programmed, like, let's take a break for an ad. I could get brand sponsorships and talk about things that I love and have them sponsor the show. That feels better to me because it feels more in choice and in integrity.

I could sell the show to a company. There's all these different options. The easiest one is probably brand partnerships, and so I think to do that, the first step would be to make a proposal deck that says, this is who we are, this is what we do, and this is why you should work with us and we would be really valuable to you. And I have it pictured in my head, but the picture's not quite clear enough that I feel really confident about doing it. And that's not true. I know how to do the deck.

I know what it looks like. I know what we'd say. I know it would sound really valuable because there's just so many reasons why this is a great show and worth sponsoring. I don't want to ask people to do it. That's what's getting in the way. I don't want to ask sponsors to sponsor us because that feels awkward and weird and needy. And that's the real hiccup. I'm not making the debt because I don't want to use it, even though I want the outcome of using it.

That sounds like a important revelation. And I do want to gently push back on this idea that they are. Sponsoring you because technically that's what they would be doing. But I think they're supporting you. You're going to find people who are aligned with your mission, aligned with what you're doing, who are excited by you and you're bringing them into this.

movement, this company, this collection of people, you're like allowing them in, in the same way you allow in the listeners and the guests and everyone else who will get to hear it in the future. Does that reframe help at all in your approach to finding people to bring them in and get them on your team, I guess, or does it still feel like I need you? Well, the truth is they. I mean, like the only reason somebody is going to sponsor me is not to be nice, but because it would be valuable to them.

And so that does help because it feels less obligatory. And one of the things you and I come back to a lot is we do not force anyone to interact with us or our work. We offer it. And we offer it as loudly as possible in hopes that it can find the people who really need it. But I do get trapped sometimes in this feeling of like, asking somehow obligates other people to respond, which is such a bunch of baloney.

That's covered in the book as well, that other people know their own boundaries and they know what they want to say yes or no to. No one is going to sign on to something that they don't want to do. And so having that faith that other people can make their own decisions about where they want to spend their time, energy, money, whatever, is also really freeing to say, I'm giving you this opportunity. Maybe it's for you, maybe it's not for you. If it is, great, let's move forward.

And if it's not, I'm going to go find someone who really wants to take advantage of that. Yeah. And it's the exact same thing I would challenge my clients to do. And that's always, that's funny is, you know, the things that we are best at supporting other people through is often the hardest thing to. support ourselves

in. It's why we all need sounding boards. And the thing I come back to again and again to that I will repeat right now because I need to remind myself is that I am 100 percent certain I am not doing anything to manipulate anyone. I am not doing anything untrue. I'm just saying the truth and sharing it. So how could that be bad or unhelpful? Because I believe always the truth is the right way. Great.

So I wonder if you had the deck and if you were really proud of it and you liked how it looked and you were really excited by feeling it in your hands and seeing the statistic and everything that you've built in one nice little package, if that would be easier to then say, I'm going to find someone to come on board. Yes. And then I just need to pick one friendly face to share it with. And that's it. One person. I don't need to worry about finding a sponsor.

I don't need to worry about asking 50 people. I just need to make the asset and share it with one person. And honestly, everything I've done in my work. That's all I've done. Make something and share it with at least one person. But it is, it's those first steps that are the hardest. Now that we've broken them down, I feel like you, you really accomplished that question. Oh, I can't wait. I'm going to go. Let's not finish this conversation. I'm just going to go work. Okay. Go make it.

We'll check back in on Friday. But how helpful to just articulate what those steps even look like. You're breaking down. Here's the big picture. Here's why. What I'm avoiding, why I'm avoiding it. Here are some of the ways I can move towards that. But then getting really specific about like, what is that next step? You already even know what it's going to look like. You need to pull up Canva and knowing you, it'll be done by the end of the day.

And what if you could accomplish this by the time we talk three days from now? And sort of say, I sent, I made it and I sent it to that one friendly face. And now I have more information for the next step. It's not. Oh, my gosh. And I've reached that goal. And I have signed a deal by Friday. It is I've just moved on from that first level of not having anything to I have something. And that always helps us get to the next level. It's also as you say that assigned a deal.

I'm like, that's the other hang up is I don't know what the deal would look like. And one of the things I coach my clients on all the time and that I have to remind myself of is, of course, I don't because I haven't done this. But I'm not going to know unless I go have that conversation, honestly, and say, Hey, this is new. Can we figure this out together? I don't have to figure it out alone. I'm going to figure it out with the person I'm talking to and that'll, I'll know more next time.

And looking to at the people already in your life who might be able to help you, who can have those answers to the questions. All you have to do is. Take the five minutes and ask them and then you just have that little missing puzzle piece instead of saying, Oh my gosh, this is uncharted territory. It's like, Oh no, now I have the information. I'm excited to see where this one's going to go. I know where it's going to go. I really needed this. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to have a sponsor.

I can promise you. All right. Can I ask you a question? Sure.

There's a page in the book where you say, okay, let's get down to basics. I want this, I do not want this, I want this, I do not want this, and this is a practice I do with clients often, which is I want more of this, I want less of this, because I think it tunes us in to what we already know. So, so often, right, we get hung up on what we don't know, but we do know some things. So what do you know for sure? You want more of and less of in your world right now?

I definitely want more deep work blocks in my day. I had a really wonderful stretch of six or seven weeks where I had a schedule that felt really right. Almost perfect. But needed some adjustments and it involved two, two and a half hours of just singular focus on one task and that was working on a musical and that also involves, it involves writing, researching, but having two and a half hours, it seems like a luxury, but also.

Is actually a non negotiable for me, because maybe nothing happens in the first two hours. Maybe it's percolation. And then that last half hour, I find that missing puzzle piece and as fall has commenced and ramped up and a lot of different obligations and things I'm choosing to bring into my life. I have not returned to that. That kind of. blocky schedule where I can immerse myself in one thing, you know, keep the phone in the other room. I'm not looking at my email.

I'm just really moving forward. And in a consistent way, that's something that I would just feel really good about bringing back into

my life. And what I want less of is, we've talked about this, open loops are not my friend, any open loop, if it's like an errand that I need to run, it will consume and circle around in my brain, if it's an interview I need to schedule, if it's an invoice I need to file, I have been really good about doing a Friday practice of So, um, yeah. Closing a bunch of loops. I start to go through. I have like a little financial like half hour. I'm like, let me go through all my accounts.

Let me file my invoices. Let me like button up all those things and let me clean up my desktop. I just notice when I'm closing them. I feel calmer. I feel less distracted. I feel like I can clean Find those deep focus blocks that really feel valuable to me. So intangible things, but I sort of know it when I see it, what I need to close. It's like energetic quicksand for you. Yes. It's pulling at you.

And so all the energy that you're using to stay out of the quicksand is then being detracted from what you really want to focus on. And most of the time those things don't take a huge amount of time. They might take logistical tinkering or asking for someone's help or setting aside two hours, but instead of coming to the end of the day and saying, Oh my gosh, that loop is still open. I'm really frustrated by that.

I know that I don't have the time to close it, and I just get frustrated the next day and the next day. So I think I will make a commitment right now to sort of look at my calendar. There's like three major loops that will involve multiple hours of work, but I need to break those down and decide when I'm going to do them, because you're so right. That quicksand is a killer. Mhm. And so many of them may not happen all at once.

I don't know about you, but I feel like so many of the things in my work, I can activate a step forward it to other people in a sense, like in the same way that if you're making dinner, you're not going to wait till the very end to boil the water for the pasta, at least on my stove, that takes for freaking ever. And so I start the pasta water boiling and the oven preheating. And then I go off and take care of other things.

And then I can come back and all the pre work steps have been taken care of in my absence. And so I try to do that with my work too, which is like, Hey, can you look at this and give me feedback on this? Or, and I, so I take it off my immediate pile, push it on so that when it comes back, it's a little more ready. It's a little better and easier to activate on. And so I think too, being aware of. That, in terms of where those waiting lists are, helps them feel a little smaller.

I do keep a little post it that has those things on it so I don't forget about them entirely and I don't feel like I have to hold the cognitive space to remember them. So I plant them there and let them wait in the waiting room because they're not on my plate. They're on somebody else's plate, but they still exist. You're so right. And that that cognitive space is, uh, quickly taken up by something else that is more worthy of that space in the moment, which just feels really good.

You know, you free it up and then you fill it with something new and it sounds like for you so much of what you want to do more of and less of is dictated by your calendar. So when might you be able to really eat. Do this calendar work to create space for more of what you want and to move what you want less of. Yeah, I'm actually going to do that today. Today just feels like a, let's call it a strategy day. I was going to say a catch up day, but that does not sound fun or activating.

So the strategy day where I'm also taking on a couple of other new projects that involve big chunks of time and to just. Get serious and, and kind of honest about what I can actually do in a day. I don't normally have 60 things on my to do list and I cross them all off. It's just, it's not, that's not how my days are sort of like structured. And so instead, if it's like I edited something for two hours, like that might be. The big, most important thing.

So I think after we chat, after I get a bit of lunch, I am going to clean up that to do list and to sort of get honest about the length of time I need to do certain things. That's a strategy that I use. And this sounds really Simple and basic and kind of dumb. I love it. I say, okay, running that errand. That's going to take 15 minutes. I'll put it in parentheses next to the to do list. Answering that one email is probably going to take eight minutes. I'll write that down.

And so I just have a better sense of. When I can accomplish those things, if I have that little gap of time, I can look at the list and say, Okay, that's a 10 minute task. I have 10 minutes. Great. Let me just like drag and drop it over there. So to get more clarity around all of those things that are pulling at my attention right now.

So when I do get asked or find myself with other opportunities or things that I want to bring into my life, I can have a sense of do I have the space for that right now? I love that you're so specific with yourself about the reality of what it would take because things start to feel bigger or smaller than the reality of them. And so having that conversation about what does this take, lets us very intentionally figure out how they fit into our lives.

I will say though, when you talked about putting the time in parentheses, at first what I thought you were saying is putting the task in parentheses and I was like, Oh my gosh, that's brilliant too. Because what if we just use punctuation to code our list? That things are either parenthesis, like if it happens, exclamation point, must happen, or period, it's a quick task, I'm going to do it and it'll be done. Ooh, I like that. Of course I like that, being a words person, but also that seems...

It's like you're making your to do list something that is exciting to look at. It's more like energizing. It gives you more direction. It's like a little decoder ring basically for it instead of this like laundry list of things that sometimes we can look at these things and get that feeling just to go back to the beginning of the conversation that I have to do all of these things.

If you have something that is either beautiful to look at or intriguing or is kind of a shortcut to help you move through the list, I feel like that is. It's a helpful aid in transitioning how we think about it as something we have to do to something that we are choosing to do. So, I'm going to totally revamp my list after this conversation, actually. Me

too. So much of what we do for each other and why VFTR feels so valuable in our lives is that we get things out of our heads and turn them into actions. And I've stopped many times mid run and said, I can't talk for a second. I have to go write down this note in my phone because it feels too important to risk forgetting.

I don't have to do that because I can just ask you, Aransas, can you recap everything from our conversation because you are so wonderful at distilling and just drilling down into what we got from that conversation, where we're going next, how we started, where we end, and amplifying the things that are really important. So, Yeah, it is a great, great, great joy in my life. One of my favorite things that I get to do every week to infinity and beyond or not.

And I just really value your perspective and generosity, both with everyone that gets to listen to this podcast, that gets to work with you on a one on one basis, but also just in the way that you show up for your friends and your family. It's just. Very inspiring to me and to see you live this dream of bringing this podcast to life has been just like one of the highlights of this entire year. So can't wait to see where it goes. Thank you, my friend for everything. I think what we.

have given ourselves today and hopefully the people listening to this is a reminder that nothing great ever happens alone and that the most important thing we can do in our lives is surround ourselves with people who inspire us and who make us better. And that that will ripple out and impact every part of our lives and let us be our best selves.

And that we all need spaces to get out of our own heads and to question our limiting thoughts and beliefs and turn them into lessons and actions for ourselves so that we can keep moving forward. So much of what stops us is overthinking. And we're all gonna do it. But by having sounding boards, we give ourselves the space to get out of the overthinking and into the doing and to just understand these things with a little bit more love and grace. And I really needed this today, Kara.

I got so much out of this conversation and for those listening, I hope you did as well. I hope you carry with you a call to action to find your people. To edit out the people who aren't inspiring you and to spend more time with the people who do, whether you know them personally or whether you just hear their voices in your ears on a podcast. or in the books that you read.

And that you find in this, as Cara and I do every week, a little nugget or maybe a huge one of inspiration and activation to keep activating your dreams. It isn't until they turn into action and we get to watch ourselves walking through them that we get the full joy of creating our dreams. So thank you, Kara, for being here. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon. I'll talk to you soon, my friend. Thank you for listening to the Uplifters podcast.

If you're getting a boost from these episodes, Please share them with the uplifters in your life and then join us in conversation over at the uplifters podcast. com head over to Spotify, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast and like follow and rate our show, it'll really help us uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories. Mm, big love painted water sunshine with Rosemary Anton. Dwell in the perplexing though you find it flexing.

Toss a star in her for be around best love for relish in a new prime land, a tree in springtime dance. With that hindsight, bring the sun to twilight. Lift you up, whoa Lift you up, whoa Lift you up, whoa Lift you up choir singers and device click Lift you up. Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Lift you up. Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Lift you up. Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Lift you up. Doodoo doo. Doodoo dootoo doo. Beautiful. I cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice.

Right, in the pre chorus, right? I was like, Mommy, stop crying. Mommy, stop crying. You're disturbing the peace.