DHT REPLAY: The Impact of Love Languages on Human Relationships

So and I didn't hurt myself , thank God , like I was , as I was looking around I'm like , thank God , where I fell , my shoulder kind of dug into their mud and I like slid a little bit . So I'm just kind of sore just working that out my body's , like you know . So I went and got a massage yesterday Getting in those Tajimao , so Tajimaos .

Yeah , we went and walked about six and a half miles yesterday after doing the 10 and a half on Saturday , which really helped . You know , when you move your body , you loop , your movement is lubricant , absolutely . I moved and lubed my joints yesterday .

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Yeah , we're going to start rolling out and we're scaling it up . We're scaling it up . It's like get out of the army , all right . So yeah , president's Day , how about that ?

I have to be fully honest , I'm dealing with a lot of my , a lot of my feels right now as I transitioned from the military . I'm both excited , but I'm also I'm going to get a lot more scared and nervous and I'm just kind of going through . You know , in my life in the army I've had my best days and my worst days . I'll be honest .

Yesterday , lacey and I were running and we had a conversation and it kind of led to a small argument and and um , something interesting had happened .

We went for a run , we left the run , we went to go have breakfast and the local eatery was like out of internet and they didn't have any internet so they couldn't take car , and they were like well , we never carry cash .

So we went down to like this truck stop down the road , like miles down the road , because they said that Cable America was out everywhere and we didn't want to go bounce from place to place looking for a restaurant .

Like I know some place where Cable America doesn't reach them , we'll go down to this truck stop and get a good chat and we went down there and started having breakfast . You know , we ordered breakfast and this guy walks up . He saw my book I had a third ACR book . He's like he's like I know you and I'm like , oh my gosh , I heard his voice .

I'm like I know you . Like we deployed together back in 2003 . He just started telling me like how great retirement's been for him , like he's been out for five years and things have been great .

We kind of talked a little bit about deployment and some of the people that we knew , and it was just such an odd happenstance Him and his wife were just traveling through out to Branson , they were just coming back on his way back to another part of the state and it was just such a freak happenstance and a moment in time that I needed to hear it , like

someone from my past at a very just a tough period in my life in the present moment , telling me that my future is going to be okay Because he's walked that path without any prompting , like out of nowhere . It was .

So it's like a law of attraction , spiritual moment in my opinion , and it gave me a lot of peace and comfort and his wife was there and was kind of like giving Lacey some guidance too about what to expect , and here's my phone number if you need anything . It was such a cool moment . It was such a cool moment .

So I know that was a long-winded answer to how you're doing , because a lot of people are like I'm doing great , I'm fine Well no , I like fine , always .

the same . Did you fall in the rock garden ? Did I fall in the rock garden ? Yeah , you're mountain biking . There's a rock garden part where it's like all really rocky . Oh , that's usually where people fall .

I'm pretty sure because one of our buddies , dom , had to take off and I just tripped and fell .

But I don't know , because I remember as we progressed a little bit further , it was super , super rocky with like these big razor sharp edged rocks and I'm thinking , my God , thank God I didn't fall here , because had I fallen here and then dug my shoulder or something into one of these rocks , that could have been like really .

Like , it's like that fall happened before all . Oh my God , it was just . I'm like , oh wow . I mean I'm just glad that we kept going , that I didn't take that shortcut on the road to go back to the car , and just . You know , it was great .

But this week we wanted to talk about the greatest human desire and the greatest human desires to feel loved and appreciated . It's the number one human . It's the one thing that we all crave . We humans are tribal . We need to feel like we're appreciated and that we're loved and cared for .

And from a leadership perspective , we talk about this over the lines , guy . Like you know , people don't quit jobs , they quit leaders because they don't feel appreciated . So this isn't just loved and appreciated by your significant other , it's every relationship that you have is feeling like you have a place .

And when you don't feel loved and appreciated by someone or an organization , it tends to not feel so good .

And what we wanted to kind of do this morning is we're kind of really just kind of highlight that and then talk about the love languages , because you know , it wasn't until later in my life that I didn't even know what the love languages were and in the forge we had this topic . We bring it up at least once a year and retake the test .

Because there are five love languages and if this is the first time hearing them , great . But if you even know what they are great because your love languages change and those around you can change , which we all found out when we retook the test . A few of us had you know a different love language than from a year ago , which we found kind of interesting .

And if you don't know what the love languages are , you may try to show appreciation and love to someone , but it won't fall the same because you're not speaking their specific language , which is why it is so incredibly important to know what they are .

So the question that I will read this is one that we've popped up is I feel a consistent and distantly deep , trusting , appreciative , soulful , loving connection to my significant other . I'm patient , respectful , attentive to my partner's needs and , if you're single , I live each day through my heart and demonstrate compassion and love for others .

And if you were to rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 , you know what would that be and you could modify that for every close relationship in your life . And I like the rating system because it's kind of like .

It's hard to like put a data point on it , but when you can rate one through 10 , which is often what we use when we have our forge calls it enables you to like just determine , like , where I'm at . Am I five , am I an eight , am I ?

So my highest score was on acts of service and then quality time and physical touch came in number two . They tied number two and that didn't surprise me at all . Just knowing me and like I can tell you , probably five years ago physical touch or quality time would have rated higher than acts of service .

But right now , the biggest thing that puts a smile on my face and just warms my heart and says , oh my God , that man loves me Is when he goes and takes my car and fills it up with gas for me . I mean that's just the thing that I'm just like , oh my God , he loves me . He puts gas on my car for me , you know .

Or if I'm coming home and I'm like , hey , I need gas , he's like I'll meet you at the gas station and he meets me at the gas station and we'll go put my gas for me . I mean , it's just like , and I'm like Yep , I got a winner , I'm keeping him . That's it just makes me feel so loved I always found the acts of service .

Yeah , that's what it is and and that's the thing , because I've worked with people and couples and it's like I've , you know , I've been trying to show her I love her with gifts , I've been giving her this and that , because that's my language , and but it's like that's not what does it for them .

They want you to go fill up the gas , they want you to go mow the yard or whatever you know , or ? Well , let's recap all of the languages real quick . So the first one is words of affirmation . Words of affirmation , so telling comp and compliments to someone , right ? Second one is acts of service , so doing something for someone . The third one is gifts .

Fourth is quality time spending good quality time , and then physical touch . So those are , those are the five . Yeah , those are the five .

And you have your own love languages . There's a , there's a quiz . If you go to five love languagescom , you can take a free quiz . You need to know what your love language is and realize that your love language isn't the same as other people . And try as hard as you might , we naturally gravitate to what our love language is for love .

But if it's not the person you're trying to extend it to , as hard as you may , try and you get frustrated , if you , if you're not depositing the right love in the right bank account , it's not going to be reciprocated as well as you think that makes sense , yeah absolutely .

You know , it's just like with communication , right , if you're not communicating in a way that is healthy and positive and you and you're both receiving and giving good communication , it's not going to work . And this is the same , essentially the same thing .

I mean , it just helps you communicate better , and so you know where where your partner stands and where you stand .

Yeah , you know because , I know that , like when I'm , when I work or whatnot , like I'm pretty much a quality time person , but , like from a work perspective , I like words of affirmation a lot .

I mean , it's ranked pretty high up there too , and I like to know that I'm doing a good job , yeah , and so the words of affirmation , like in work culture , makes me feel appreciated , so it's good to know that . And about the people that you're around I had my kids take it .

You know all I've got triplet daughters and what's been fascinating to me is they've grown up in the exact same environment . They're all completely different people and they each have different love languages and it explained a lot . like Sam gives , like we call him the Sam hugs .

She'll come up and like squeeze you , like so hard it's almost like take your breath away . And you know , in her love language is is physical touch and that makes a lot of sense . I'll get a hug from her every night before she goes to bed . She's very consistent by it . The other two I will never , hardly ever .

I got to remind them or like go chase them down to get a hug . So it's , it's just . It's quite fascinating how everyone is a little bit different . Yeah , so your acts of service , which Rudy I don't know .

Actually , I kind of thought physical touch was high on the high , like would be my highest , just because I mean I , my family . It's so crazy because growing up like my , we all get together and we just like hug each other and laid on each other and we like have to be touching each other .

And I mean it's just a thing , like I thought that was normal and all families , you know you go sit on a couch and you don't sit across the couch from someone in your family members , like you sit up next to them and then you know , I mean we're just like all up in each other's space . So I just assumed that's just what we all did .

And then I grew up and realized , oh no , you know , a lot of people do not like to be touched . So I've learned to ask , hey , are you a hugger ? You know I don't . Now I don't just run up and hug people anymore . Like , can I touch you ? I don't know and a lot of people like no , okay .

It does feel good to get a hug from somebody , but I find myself like I've got to like kind of force myself to do it because it wasn't something that I grew up with . And so it's just , it's just interesting . You know people's backgrounds and where they come from and how they do things and yeah . So well , yeah .

You've got to take the test because if you think what your love language is , it's probably going to be different and those people that you perceive their love language . You got to get them to take the test because what you think is not true . Probably there's a good chance it's not true because people would be like you know what ?

I felt the same with my kids . I tried to pick it out beforehand . I was , I was wrong . I was wrong . So take the test . It literally takes like three minutes .

I think there won't be a better place with these simple concepts if they were common knowledge .

Larson . Matt Larson has bitten getting after it . He joined us last year with the March to the Arch he's not March to the Arch , the March to Ukraine or virtual event and he wore his a go-rock yourself shirt to one of the go-rock StarCourse events and if you've never done a go-rock before , highly recommend their Fantastic events .

And the StarCourse is no joke . It's a grueling physical event . We're gonna carry a rucksack and you're with a bunch of other like-minded patriotic people choose to led by some special forces , cadre , and they're usually done in a major city . So it's super cool . But Matt Larson has been getting after it .

He wants to be a shining example for his family and there's a him at a adventure race where he was out there with with one of his young ones out there getting after it .

So he's , you know , it's awesome to see people like you know what I want to be inspiring to those around me and I'm gonna start by , you know , focusing on myself to get him my my health and fitness and check and , and , and , being an inspiration to to others . So , matt , thank you for what you're doing . We just continue to cheer you on in your journey .

One honor you by giving you a do hard things nation shirts . So thank you for being a part of the community . Thank you for role modeling the way for those around you and getting after it .

So we're talking about the other day , like you know , social media conversation in the in the , in the main group . It's like you know what social media is really getting me down and I'm really struggling with with just the negativity of the news and other people's opinions about , and that's been a common thing .

I've noticed that a lot and you got to find a tribe of people that are getting after it , that are positive and you can curate . That's what I love about like , I've never physically met Matt Larson , right , right , but this is cool because he's we're interacting .

When you have , when you have a Facebook group , like you can curate your social media and people in your social media can become family to you because there's someone there , people that you interact with . So I guess my point is Surround yourself with the right people and you can curate your social media towards primarily positive people .

You can unfollow people , yeah , and that doesn't mean that you have to Unfriend them in real life by unfollowing them , it's just turning the white noise down . I've got people that I love dearly , that I just , politically I don't want to really have a conversation about right , because it's Absolutely but I love the death . I love the death .

We just , you know , we don't talk about those topics , or I just don't want to see them . We'll talk about them in appropriate time and place , right , or the news or all the other stuff right now . Yeah , yeah , you can curate that .

I am , I am inspired by Michelle . I met Michelle several several years ago at roller derby and we both lost kind of touch . We both went separate ways and now we've reconnected and she is just kicking butt herself . You inspire me , Michelle , you're kicking butt .

She's taking her health into her own hands and she's really just getting out there and getting after it to herself . But to go back to your point on social media , absolutely , guys , unfollow and get that .

Filtered photo of me . Actually , it's completely the opposite . I try to find the worst photos ever , especially right after I've done a workout or something . I'll just take a selfie and that way , when you see me in real life , you're like , wow , she cleans up very nicely . It is never the opposite . Like you're never going to be like . Is that her ?

I can't really tell , cause normally she looks like a plastic Barbie something or the other . Nope , you're going to , you're really going to be blown away by actually how , how decent I look in real life compared to social media .

I know , I only know , you know , jeff , the one that's been kind of getting after it , not the previous version . Yeah , and it's fascinating to me every time I see .

So , if anything , if you've got a dog , go walk your dog , get your dog outside . Go walk yourself , go walk your friends , go run , go and just enjoy . Just go sit outside and enjoy being outside , because it is beautiful . I , I was thinking about this yesterday , last year .

I'm getting these memories popping up and from , uh , tajji , last year I was in I call it my blanket coat , my super puffy coat that goes all the way down to my ankles because it was so cold outside and I'm like man , I'm hoping that we have this really nice weather . Um , I hope it lasts .

I don't go back to the super cold but , to answer your question , I'm going to get outside and get after it today . Get those Tajji miles in . I think I'm in the 70 something percent right now . So maybe I really want to get a half marathon in . So I don't know , nice , maybe I'll do that . I don't know .

it . So , oh man , yeah , no , I was just going to remind you and everyone else to make sure , no matter what you're doing , make someone smile today . Do something that makes you and someone else smile today , make your kids smile today . Jay , I will get him out there .