Don't go down Archer Avenue.

There is a stretch of road right outside of Chicago that you should never travel down.  If you do, be sure to never pick up any hitchhikers, or else you'll meet "Mary".  Stay away from the woods alongside the road lest you meet a crazed monk or run across a satanic ritual.  Don't grab a drink at Al Capone's old speakeasy, and avoid the cemetery right across the street.  And whatever you do, if you see an old 1965 Ford Fairlane parked by itself at the old abandoned drive-in theater... Keep. On. Driving.  Want more details?  listen on,  dear listener...