Oh boy! This week the Dunces mean business, and I mean BIG BUSINESS! That’s all I got. I’m not sure what even happened in this episode. It’s just three guys locked in a room talking about nothing for what I imagine to be an hour. So this week you get to listen and learn what the episode is about yourself. It’s a film that happened to be on Disney+ (probably), Big Business!
Cock-a-doodle-do! Now that’s bird for, buckle up buckaroo because you’re in for a wild one. Okay fine, it doesn’t actually translate into English that well, but don’t blame me for you having such a limited language. It’s a film guaranteed to make you express astonishment or admiration, The Big Year!
Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!
Today’s episode of the Disney Dunces is just filled to the brim with questions. Luckily, the boys have their own little Knowsmore just waiting to answer them all. Man at the Computer, this one’s for you buddy. Don’t call it Wreck it Ralph 2, it’s Disney’s Ralph Breaks the Internet!
When Merida decides to go against tradition, she creates a rift not only between her country's leaders, but between her and her mother as well. She then makes matters worse by enlisting the help of a witch to change her fate, who turns her mother into a bear. Now she has to repair the tear in her mother-daughter relationship and reverse the curse before her ursine-loathing father does her mother in. And she does! That's the film, shut up. It’s hard to put this one into words, Disney and Pixar’s ...
They described the movie exactly how it played out, "blah blah blah, who cares, whatever". The truly unbelievable thing is the fact that not one of them mentions how Awkwafina is the perfect name for a mythical water dragon, especially compared to whatever stupid name they happen to give to furry Elsa that no one can seem to remember. It’s the $29.99 that you could have spent on anything else, Raya and the Last Dragon!
Well boys and girls, BHM has come and gone, but the Dunces aren’t about to let you forget that black people have existed just yet. It’s not nearly as good as the title makes it out to be, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit!
So, you know how every holiday your parents needed to lie to you about a fat guy in a red coat or a giant candy-pooping rabbit just to get you interested in celebrating? Well, as it turns out, Jamaica’s first Olympic bobsled team is the BHM equivalent . It may as well be The Santa Clause, Cool Runnings!
For those BIGOTS out there who are asking themselves, “What the hell does this movie have to do with black history?!” How about you consult the song at 54:32 and try and tell me it's anything but! It’s Nelson Mandela’s personal favorite, Kazaam!
Alright, so hear me out: yes, they started almost two weeks later than they should have, and yes, they more than likely just picked the first movie they saw that happened to have black people in it. But I think they made a genuine effort to celebrate black history in their own sort of way, so just keep that in mind for the next few episodes. It’s Disney and Pixar’s play on words, Soul!
Good news, everyone! The boys are back from podcast school and as it turns out, you just can’t teach these old dogs new tricks. So enjoy this less than insightful summary of a film surrounding a man-made pandemic and a stolen election, not that you’d pick up on that listening to this. It’s their artsiest, fartsiest film to date, Isle of Dogs!
What do you get when you cross three dunces and two eight minute long animated shorts? Apparently a forty-minute conversation about God knows what. It’s The wonderful world of Disney’s wonderfully delightful, The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse!
Look, Thanksgiving may be canceled, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still be grateful for the fact that you don’t have to listen to this episode! It’s the holiday special befitting of the year 2020, Pocahontas!
Can you imagine a world where Disney forced all of their greatest villains onto an island where they proceeded to just bang each other? Well imagine no longer, because you’re living in it! It’s a lesson in the importance of contraception if anything, Disney’s Descendants! And no, it's not nearly as good as you hoped it would be.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… but not nearly as long ago as the other films. Because at long last, it's time to start the final trilogy in the trilogy of trilogies! And let's face it, it's the seventh one of these that the Dunces have covered - do you really need a summary to know what to expect? Han Solo is a rapist, Dragonball Z is the best, and a frenchman’s plumbing situation is infinitely more interesting than any of these films. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode LXXXII - Star Wars: ...
Yet another Season of Boys has come and gone, and the Dunces are left this week to face their own mortality. And what better way to do it than to take a look at the afterlife as told by the fine folks at Disney’s Pixar!?! Don’t call it the finale, they skipped right to the epilogue! It’s Disney and Pixar’s, and yours and mine, Coco! Except for you gringo, you don’t get a film.
Let’s be honest here, what could possibly be scarier than actually sitting down to watch an episode of modern day Simpsons? An episode on an episode, specifically The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror XXXI!
I’m going to be straight with you guys, if you’ve never seen the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original series "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius", based off of the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original film "Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius", you should probably skip this one as there is nothing of value here for you. On the other hand however, if you live and breathe the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original series, "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius", you should pro...
Ruh-roh! A spell has been placed on Halloweentown turning it and all its denizens grey in both personality and appearance. But have no fear, Agitha Cromwell and her granddaughter, Marnie are on the case! The only question is, will Benny the cabbie be able to get them to Aggie’s spell book in time to reverse the incantation, or is Halloweentown doomed to an eternity of boredom? Find out as we kick off this year's Disney Dunces Scared Stupid Spook-tacular with Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge!...
What do you get when you cross Marvel’s The X-Men with that typical Disney magic that we’ve all come to expect? Not this - this is more like Marvel’s The X-Men inbred with Marvel’s The X-Men, and reviews about as well as any Marvel’s The X-Men movie has reviewed in the past 5 years. It’s the DCOM disguised as a DPOM, Secret Society of Second-Born Royals.
Now don’t be sour, the Cream Crew returns to make all your cream dreams come true! This time they’ve brought not one, not two, but THREE procedures for proper cream placement. Now it's up to you, dear listener, to decide which will lead you to the most triumphant Taco Tuesday. All this and more on this week's episode covering... The Peanuts Movie?
Better off Ted is a satirical workplace comedy, centered around the employees of a stereotypical evil Megacorporation of Veridian Dynamics. Veridian Dynamics experiments on its employees, twists the truth, and will stop at nothing to achieve its goals. Better off Ned is a typo for the title of said satirical workplace comedy, centered around the employees of a stereotypical evil Megacorporation of Veridian Dynamics. Veridian Dynamics experiments on its employees, twists the truth, and will stop ...
Hey look, Disney did that thing where they took a dump all over one of their animated classics - only this time they charged you $30 for the pleasure! So if you feel that Mulan needed less musical numbers, more CGI, and a whole lot more "being a bird", then go ahead and waste your money, because you don’t deserve to have it. If on the other hand you’re a decent human being, just go ahead and listen to this. It’s Disney’s apology for Winnie the Pooh, Mulan!
There’s 104 days of summer vacation, and they seriously couldn't pick one to release this film on? If that isn’t a clear enough sign that the universe is against each and every one of us, then try to deal with the fact one of the Dunces SOMEHOW couldn’t even be bothered to watch the only good show on television. Either way, it’s the only good Disney+ Original Movie on Disney+, Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe!
They say that the hardest thing you can do in film is trying to bring a true story to life - but those idiots didn’t have a mall full of circus animals and Crayola insertion to work with, because Disney+ makes it look easy. It's the DPOM of the decommissioned gorilla, The One and Only Ivan!
Overly enthusiastic magician Andy Duckerman (Adam Devine) gets thrown out of his magic act and finds himself in desperate need of work. Hired as a camp counselor at an elite magic summer camp, he exposes his kids to the greatest magicians he idolizes and emulates -- much to the approval of the camp owner (Jeffrey Tambor). As he gets his privileged and precocious charges in touch with their inner magicians, he imagines redemption at the camp's Top Hat competition. It's the DPOM that appeared righ...
Oh no! It's an all-out alien invasion, and the fool-proof plan of burning down the forest is leading to nothing but civil unrest! But have no fear, Rule 63 Jesus is here to save the day with her innate power to purify! It’s the Disney dub of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind! ...wait, that can't possibly be right.
It’s the Disney+ original series, Muppets Now! I’d say more, but I’d rather not have this description run on longer than it needs to.
Yarr, here be pirates - and not famous Hollywood types (which just feels like an important distinction to make). So get ready for a swashbuckling good time while your first, second, and third mate regale you with the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow, and how he set sail for adventure on the Isla de Muerta, twice! It’s the theme park ride-inspired film with the name as long as its runtime, Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl!
Oh boy oh boy, do we have a special episode for all you Patinkers out there. All your prayers are finally answered as we finally cover that cult classic starring Candy Mandy himself, The Princess Bride! And on this journey, we finally answer the age old question that's haunted the world for nearly half a century, "who is Mandy Patinkin and is he actually on Homeland or not?" All this and more on this week's episode of The Patinkin Pod!
