Finding Peace Over Sparks: A Journey Through Mature Relationships | 009

I was drunk. When I woke up, my hand had a ring finger. And the ring finger was on my ring finger. And the ring finger was loose. But of course, I was over it. So I put my hand on the ring finger. I was saved that night. I did that. Las Vegas. Yes, yes. I was saved that night. My hand was a bit twisted. I was about to fall. I was a klepto by the way. With most of the people who had a quarter-life crisis, I mastered it. I saw that step. The quarter life? That's the step I thought of.

I told the universe that my life is serious. It's not a good decision. I'm done with it. In my religion, real happiness is boredom. If you get bored with each other, it's okay. You're happy. the dinkwap show dual income no kids with a podcast Hello! Welcome to another episode of the Dinkwap Show. And we are your hosts. I am Rem. Still Alvia. And their only friend, Des. Yes. We still have this. I still have an intro. We still have this. How many episodes have we done together? I don't know.

I think this is our fifth episode. Fourth? Fifth? We've been together for a week. Yes. This is our only outfit. We don't have any clothes on. We don't have any clothes on. We don't have anything to wear. We're fast. We're like that. Shower is not a thing. So we start with this episode, we're now in the mature relationships era. For her, it's a bit contentious. Yeah. I told you, the mature? After risk. Because in fairness to us, LV, you can see the progression.

From high school, cute, then boyfriend-ish, girlfriend -ish. There's blue magic level, then suddenly, early college. We have that kind of people. But you can see that it helps those who know you. Versus those who are already "the ones" in high school, in college. Good for you. We're not like that. Good job, right? Yeah. But our experience is different. I think we're similar. It's just that you settle down. I feel like I'm angry.

It's just that you settle down. Why is it not that she's happy? Thank you. We should be together in life. I'm not together right now. You left me in Siargao. You didn't invite me. Wait, before you went to Siargao, first of all... I still have a pain in my heart. This is the reason why we chose Siargao. - Okay, okay. Siargao is gone. - There's one more. Wait, the one with the wedding. - The one with the wedding. The one with the happy ending. Okay, okay. So the next serious relationship is this.

Yes. So basically, from my ex-boyfriend, I was dating around for one year, trying to figure out what I want again. And then I met this guy. He's so serious. Do I start the whole-- I just met him. You! - You! I'm just saying. - What do you want? This is your airtime. - I just met him. It's true that that the thing, but I guess it's just not the right one for me because it's not an endgame but the person or this relationship will come when you're really not looking.

Yes. And that was the time that I'm pretty much not done. But I've met a lot of people and I'm like, "Okay, this is what I want." I don't want this anymore. For example, when it comes to dating, it's cute when there are romantic gestures. But there's a borderline that's cringy. So I don't want that anymore. When you're getting older. - Yes. It's a bit bad. - Yes, because it's like... It's just not for you. - I'm in my 20s now. I guess it's just not for me.

There are times when I'm like, "Oh, it's so romantic, it's nice." But I'll quickly cringe and go, "Stop, don't." So I met him in Boracay. When I met him, I was like a bridge. Because there's a girl that we're with. It's a work trip for me. We have a client. And this client, after work hours, she just drinks and chill. She told me that she just broke up with her boyfriend. So I was like, "Oh, just introduce me to people." Because I have a lot of friends in Boracay Beast. So we'll go out later.

And then this guy, he just came to the bar where my bosses are. And then she was like, "Oh, he's the one I like." So my boss, being very extroverted, he approached him right away. He was alone and he was talking to me. But I guess it was also very wholesome because they're older. They're still networking because they're talking more about work and business when it started. So that's how it was. Then the girl said, "I like him." Then the whole night, we were supposed to be together.

He was still acting like that. I wasn't interested when I saw him. That's it. He's not my type physically. Though he's tall, he's quite fit. But it's okay. I'm not the cute type. There's no such thing. So the whole night, I was trying to play the wingman. But what happened was, After we drank, we ended up in a club. After that, he moved to another place. He was beside me the whole time. I guess she got the meme. But I didn't entertain her. She just stood there. He was buying me all the drinks.

I just drank. He just brought it. He wasn't really saying anything. He was just talking. She just stood there. And then the girl was like, "Okay, Des. I'm not the one she likes. You're the one I'm gonna go to." Why isn't she mad? She's not mad. Because we were in Boracay. We were in Boracay. We just met him that night. And I guess she saw that I wasn't really entertaining him. Or I wasn't really reciprocating in his moves. But of course, when the girl left, we were reciprocating.

We were already 10 glasses of drinks. We were already big. We didn't have any inhibitions. And when in Boracay. When in Boracay, it's another story. Because it's like, "Okay, let's go." You won't see him. Maybe he won't see you. Are you going to be a foreigner? I'm sure. Because he told a story that he was on a work trip and Boracay was just on a side trip for a short vacation before he left. Okay, so this is not going to go anywhere. And then, done. But he kept in touch. He's like, "Ah."

He's like, "No problem." Almost all of the people I meet, Though I didn't have any intention to take it seriously right away. But they really came back. It's really a problem. Yes, I have a problem. But yeah, like him, he kept in touch. I was like, "We haven't seen each other for a while." "Hello, you were just in a quick work trip here in Manila." And then, bam, Boracay, done. Nothing happened, by the way. We just really hang out. And then, that night, he brought me to my hotel. Then he left.

The following day, that's the worst part. Because my boss and I were still working. He was just sitting there. Oh. For a whole day. From morning until afternoon. He was just sitting there. We were still working. We were still moving because he was a barahay. And my boss had properties. And I was still in the wine company. So we were still distributing. So we were checking the bars and restaurants. We were meeting the partners. For example, we were at the same table.

He was with me and he was at the other table. He did that for a whole day. What the? I think he's not your type. Your voice is not like that.

But when I was like, "It's okay, go ahead." I asked him, "What's your plan?" First, he just joined us for breakfast. Because we also talked the following day. Because when I wake up, I have a ring finger. And the ring finger is on my ring finger. And the ring finger is loose. But of course, I'm over it. Did you get a massage that night? I did. In Las Vegas? Yes. Did you get a massage that night? Yes. Guys, my hands are a bit twisted. I'm a klepto by the way.

But you know what you put on your ring finger? I probably didn't put anything on it. I was just looking at him with my ring finger. I was like, "Who is this?" Then I realized, "Oh, it's..." That guy. Then, when I woke up, he texted me. He was the one who texted. I felt like he was the one who left me. I felt like he was the one who left me. And when I woke up, he texted me, "This is my number. See you again tomorrow." But most likely, he sent that to me. I was already asleep.

I replied to him, "Hey, I think I stole your ring or I don't know what happened." He said, "Okay, where are you?" He said, "I'll get my ring." But I think it's his style. We're all in the same boat. Of course, it's Utu -Utu. Yes, it's Tang. It's also Utu-Utu. So he invited us for breakfast. And we were together the whole day. For breakfast. Not yet. Because in my head, it's cute. It's something new. He's very gentleman. So at this point, he's okay with being a gentleman?

Yes. Before, he was like a... But if he doesn't look like one, he's a stalker. Yes. He doesn't tell stories like that. He doesn't have a beard because he's all shit. He's been getting beaten up all day. "Hey, who's the one My boss was the one who got tired of him. Seriously, my boss said, "Okay, go take Daz out on a dinner." My boss was the one who... The one who was the one who... - Yes. I was like, "Huh? We're having dinner, right?" - "We have work, sir." - Yes.

Essentially, he said, "Go, go out on a dinner." So he put in effort the whole day. - Yes, he worked hard the whole day. So okay, fine. Then after that, we kept in touch. He came back to Manila until...

By the way, it's a long-distance relationship. He's not based here in Manila. So... It's been a while, right? Almost 5 years. But LDR. - LDR. It's hard. - It's hard. It's expensive, guys. And the time. Time. Imagine, I'm working now. I've allocated almost all of my vacation leave for the year. So that we can see each other. So that we can see each other. He didn't just go to Manila. For example, there's a trip outside the Philippines. I would go there. So we really tried.

So it was almost five years. So that's pretty much like mid-20s to late-20s. It was serious. But then, I think one of the reasons it ended was because Coming from my 2-3 years relationship, I was all out. I resigned to give away whatever his plans. And then, I didn't get any offers. So when it came to my relationship, I was like, "Wait." That was the time when my career was like... Then my promotion was like... We reached a point where if you stay here, nothing will happen.

So you need to follow. But I was like, "No, I'll prioritize." Because you have your career first. Yes, right? So that's what happened. I decided that we won't go anywhere. We'll just stop. But it's like, there's no bitterness. There's none. And I learned a lot from the relationship. I feel like everything I answered during our relationship in the first year. I also had a lot of takeaways. I feel like I didn't have any bitterness. You learned a lot. It's like, it's not the right time.

Yeah. I think so. You went through different stages. True. When we broke up, I was doing my masters. I was having a hard time because I had a boyfriend and I was trying to do my career. Then we broke up. When Rem and I broke up, he was studying. He was trying to transition his career. But it was okay. It was just a different priority. That's also how he actually complained about me because I was trying to code and transition my career. Of course, my focus was on the time.

We were also trying to win. So that's how it was. It was just different. Rem and I also talked about it because technically, when I started the company, we already knew each other. We were single then. But I told Rem, if we were together, we might have just broken up. I feel the same. Because I was young. I was still a kid. I know if someone would get mad at me. I was also the one who was always... So there was no one to go to. So it was just right. The timing. The timing.

Because you know, that's the date when you study. Yes. Sometimes. It's like that. So we were in the same stage of life at that time. Yeah. Which I guess is one of the reasons why I broke up with my ex. Yeah, you guys weren't together. Yeah, we didn't get along. And then, he's older. So he was already at the peak of his career, and I was getting there. And then coming from my previous relationship where I threw everything away. You really gave everything away. I was like, "Wait, I'm here.

I'm a career now." I feel like someone is coming to me. It's like, "It's the time." - I don't want to give up. And that's it. We parted. There's no bitterness. Nerem said, it's funny, right? He said he's in his 30s and he's going to be serious. I said, "25." There's no arbitrary number. I said, "I'll be 20 when I turn 20." With most of the people who had a quarter life crisis, I mastered it. That's what I saw as a step. That's what I thought as a step to reverse my life.

It's not a good decision. I finished it. I tried to finish it in another school. You just got confused. I just did a one-sem in UP. You just got confused. But I also believe that he'll come to us. Honestly, I don't want to date anymore. It was kind of traumatic after that experience. I really like Remy. Wow. Remy didn't make you cry anymore. No, I think it's just right. True. That we're both okay. We already knew what we wanted with a partner, what we wanted in life, and it worked.

True. And it's not hard. It's not hard, it's not... You know, you put in effort but it's not... It's hard. Yes, the effort you really need to work. True. It's like that. There's effort but it's not hard. Yeah, it's not hard. It's just... Nothing. It's effortless. Something like that. There's effort but effortless. You know, it's not like... Nothing. Rem tried hard. It's a secret. Yes. And that was the time. So this is the shirt gown. So my boyfriend and I broke up. I was lost.

I got Alvina's shirt. It's like that. This is the painful experience. Wait! I'll give you the details. I'll defend Des and me. So Des cried because she was heartbroken. Because of your 5 years. - She was so broken. Almost 5 years. - So I... As a best friend, I said, "I'll be your wingwoman no matter what." We were noted for this. Then the next day, we booked a car. Literally. - That's how serious we were. This is via Clark. Via Manila, 10k. So I said, "Clark, check it out. 4k,

we're booked." -Yeah, it's cheap. -Rem, I'm sorry, I can't include you. -Yeah, Des will do the soul searching. -Rem didn't even break me. -It looks like that. -But he's angry. -It's not soul searching, it's body searching. -It's a little... -It's a little different on earth. -We're too game and we're friends with people. -It's a good thing that our friendship is clear. -It's a good thing. -You know, even if we're going to be in trouble, the universe will still be clear. Yes. Or else.

We were so mad when we got home. She felt like she's going to be a slave to the season in Siargao. But it's okay, we lived. We learned. Or the Siargao isn't mainstream yet. That's why it's so hard. There's no ATM in Siargao. That's it. Then Des, with all the confidence, as a seasoned traveler, "There's an ATM there, I won't withdraw." - "When you arrive, there's nothing!" - We said, "How do you withdraw here? Palawan?" - Palawan. - Remittance. Who will pay for the Palawan?

Should I call my mom to let me borrow money? So that I can spend it. Good thing I have money. My ear is still there that I can't borrow. You can't borrow money. Rem won't be willing to lend us money. She's mad at us. She already has a picture. But I still followed her. And we're still together. Host before bros. That's really Alvia. If you can't accept it, don't. You didn't accept our relationship with Des. Don't be like that. - There's no hope. There's no choice after

that. - I think Lazada didn't have one because I already found a pala. I already have one. - I'll go to the other side. There's no Gcash. Is this still a carousel? Carousel. They told us that it's not a carousel. Yes, but they found a pala in the carousel. We made friends with Matitino. - With Matitino. We survived because they made us stay in tourist traps. True. And there were a lot of people who followed us. They followed us and cooked us. They cooked us. So we're lucky. We're lucky.

We're really lucky that Des and I are together. So don't make fun of us. Don't do that again. We won't do that again. We're wiser now. I'm like that too but... You're the only one. I'll go to Abra. Abra? Do you know what Abra is? I know that but I don't know what you did in Abra.

Because apparently, I didn't know. I went there. It was just called Turkey. Usually, when it's summer, we go for a vacation in Tarlac. I said, "I'll take the bus to Abra." -No one knows. -So I took the bus to Abra. -It's been a while, right? -Yes. -I was there for a week. -In the heart of the Philippines. -Why? -Apparently, Abra is Killing Fields. I don't know. I just want to be alone. I also remember the people I know. Of course. Why am I there? Why are you worried? It's okay here.

It's like you're just chilling. Of course. Ignorance is bliss. Yes. But it's nice, Abra. Although, before the hotel I stayed in, I found out that the owner was the mayor. Then one day, I think it was the first time I came there, I went home from the hotel and I saw a guy cleaning his car. What was he doing? Was he drunk? Casual. Casual. He was cleaning his car. Then he asked me, I thought he was just asking me. The innocent.

"Where are you from?" "Mainila." "Why are you here?" "I'm not." He called me. "You always come with me." -Protection. -Yeah, like that. The one who was notorious. The mayor. -Oh! -Who was known as... -Who had... -So, it was more of a threat to Des was just rude because it took a weird turn. Yeah. It was like a killing feels. It was a rundeating killing feels. Of course, the ending, we know that you already married Rem. Yes. After, it just happened. X years. And now, Des. This is the fun part.

What's up with you? What's up with you? I'm not dating anymore. What's up with you, girl? No. No? The "no" part is so long. No! It's like, "No!" No, because... When was the last time I dated a guy for real? Pre-pandemic. Pre-pandemic. I'm sorry, guys, if you felt like the date was the pandemic, post-pandemic. But the last time I dated was pre-pandemic. The one who counted on him. I think it was LV Spiderman. I'm sorry. That's the last movie I watched was Spiderman.

Okay, so the last movie I watched was pre-pandemic. I guess okay, so the pandemic happened. A couple of years, then after that... A couple of years and six dogs later. Yes, I have a lot of dogs so I'm careful. But one of the reasons is that I'm here at the point of my life that I don't want to date around anymore. Like if I'm going to meet someone, I have a specific thing that I want to find. Because unlike before, you were just very open. Yes. Okay, date, go, go out, just like that.

But now, I have a specific thing that I really want to find. You know it already. Yes. So for me, I'm looking for more stability. Yeah. And… You're busy. I'm so busy. I have a lot of things to do. You have a lot of children. Yes, I have a lot of children. And I work in sales. So in one day, I talked to at least 10 people, minimum. I was like, "Why?" I don't want to get to know another person. And then, I don't have anyone to go to. So I feel like that's one of the reasons.

And at this point, though there are guys who were, or present tense, who are asking me out. And they're very serious. They're clear with their intentions. In fairness to them. I said, "I want to date you. I want to get to know you." That's how it is. And they're very straightforward. "I want to get to know you. If things work out, let's get married." That's how it is. They're not even afraid to drop the M word. That's how it is. It's not that cheap. It's not that cheap.

But I guess because they're just a couple of years older than me. Or they're the same age. So that's it. And I guess one of the reasons why I'm really not dating them. Like if I date, I hope, let's see, maybe the next guy— - We'll delete this. - Yes. It won't happen. - We'll delete this podcast if it's not true. If it's true. Yes, the next guy. For me, that's it. Because I don't want to. It's so hard. The effort. And that's it, coming from a five-year relationship that's very serious. And...

It's like that, the timing is not right. Yeah, like personality. I'm looking for everything. Personality, stability, looks. He's cute even if he's not my type. Everything. He ticked all the boxes. It's just that it wasn't the perfect time. Especially for me. That time. So... So whoever the next guy is... Call me. Call me. You tick all the boxes. I have a lot of questions. You seem to have a pre-assessment. Why are you answering like this? You know how it is when you go to a Chinese restaurant.

Guys, you know what? I can make a questionnaire. Because I have one in my friends. I have a notebook. Four pages, back to back. That many? Specific. Very specific. But of course, it's like... Do you want me to show you? It's like, "For P1,000, I'll show you everything." As in... And I guess one of the major differences is... Because before, we were always... Earlier, I guess, in all the things we talked about, we were always looking for the sparks.

Yeah. We were always looking for the butterflies in our stomach. Exciting. But for me, I'm looking for the peace. Yeah! The calm. I don't want that chaotic anymore. That's true. True. - That's the calm. I guess that's the difference. When you were in your early 20s, late 20s, early 30s, "I don't want a rollercoaster relationship anymore." That's wrong. - It's not. I mean, okay, fine. If other people, it works for them, it works for you.

But for us, especially me, the reason why I'm not dating anymore, I don't want the rollercoaster, I don't want the butterfly. It's cute. It's cute that there's a smile. But the main thing that I'm looking for is not that. I'm looking for the calmness, maturity. I think that's it. Hashtag maturity. Yes. The calmness. We're able to redeem ourselves. Right? It's like you're being nice to your partner but there's peace. Exactly. And that's what we want. Yes. That's why I'm single.

And also, in relationship, for me, real happiness is boredom. That's true. If you get bored with each other, it's okay. You're happy. You're happy. - Yeah. In my notebook, I have a line that says, "I'm looking for someone I can get bored with." - Yeah, that's true. Because it's one of the reasons I also said to Rhym, that we're just studying in a coffee shop, but it's okay. And it's easy to meet people to have fun with. Yeah. But, for example, us. Especially us. Yes. It's so easy. It's so easy!

But I guess also why you're my only friends. For example, tonight, we were just here but we're happy now. We're happy. We didn't buy food. We're just here. We're just here. We're just here. Yes. But that's how you're looking for it. You're not looking for who's party, who's the highest. You're just here for calm and steady. We're just relaxed. I was like that when I was in my twenties. I was really a mess until I got tired of it. It's okay. You got tired of it. It's okay. You got tired of it.

I experienced it. Let's just be shy. In fairness, even if we're a bit messy, we have a messy stage. We have a good life. We have good careers. What's the response? Well responsibly.

You know, Alvia is like that. Speaking of that, I'm the perfect attendance for the whole college. I'm a party girl, I'm the perfect attendance for UP. I'm the one who gets the most. Just a little bit, you'll get a lot. I'll get a lot. I'll get a lot if I don;t fall down in my calculus. Yuppie, why is it like that? Why do I have a calculus? You just need to fill the units. I wish it was easier. It's true. Why did you have a calculus when there's no calculus?

I removed my calculus and I'm a magnet. But here's the question. If ever it doesn't really happen for you, will you be okay? Yes. I feel like that's why I'm not searching. And pressured. I'm not pressured. Yeah. Good for you. I'm not saying that... You're closing the door. I'm not closing the doors. I'm open. I'm open if I meet someone. Call me. Just kidding. No, but yeah. Four pages. It should be Okay. Show it to us next time. Is that a band paper? - Notebook. Not a band paper.

Just a regular notebook. - Just a regular one. I'll show it to you. I'll bring it one time. - Okay. I'm curious. So guys, she's open but... But if she's not? - But I feel like... Rem and LB are here. - We're here. We're here. Our friendship will level up. Let's go. - No, I think the best relationship are when two people are complete on their own. That's it. - Yes. Some people are like, "You complete me." Yeah, like, "I'm okay." - How can he not be? It hurts. True. - It hurts.

It's like, that's it. Me too, to be honest, I'm okay even if it's just me. I'm happy. But it's not. It's hard. I saw how she forced herself to Alvia. How? - He really forced you. Then he bought our friendship. He gave it to me. I was surprised. Rem is so free. Right? It didn't happen again. He's just borrowing money. Just once. He's borrowing money. He's borrowing 15 ,000. I know this. Maybe he has an ROI. I didn't have an ROI. You have an ROI. We're still friends.

The one dinner you gave me was an ROI. It was a simple dinner. J-Reese or something. We're just excited because It comes with knowing yourself and what you want. It's okay to date around, guys. Just be safe. Just don't... Walwal response. Don't be shy. Don't be like Abra. Don't be like Abra. Don't be like Abra. You can go back to Siargao, guys. Don't be like that. There's an ATM. Anyway, thank you to our guest. And hopefully, you'll come back here many times. Yes! Because...

We'll have you again. Please have me again. Of course. Of course. As part of our token of appreciation, we have free rice from the barangay. Thank you to the barangay, Captain. From the barangay of San Antonio. So, because you're our only friend, we have 10 kilos of rice. Thank you! Oh my God. That's true. We have 10 kilos of rice. Also, I forgot to tell you that I already told you that she has a lot of children. You might think that. Oh, so that's it. I have 6 dogs.

You know that in Dinkwap, no kids. But dogs. With pets. Des with a pets. With a lot of pets. We'll force it. We'll just have small cups. Anyway, that's it. Thank you. Again, thank you to Des. Thank you, Remnant Villas. See

you on the next one. Annyeong! Annyeonghaseyo! You were listening to The Dinkwap Show. you