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Hi. I'm Cassnya Lukic and this is diary of a birth. Many of us go through life until we first fell pregnant, scared of childbirth. We want the baby, but we wish there was an easier way for them to come out. That's true of today's mum. Her story has all the twists and turns.
And he went silent for a very long time and then made some noises that were like ooh h, which is not what you want to hear from the person. We they needle in your back.
This mum went through an exhausting and sometimes terrifying experience.
I couldn't interpret what he was saying. I thought, Oh my gosh, I'm the one in a million that is paralyzed. That's something horrible has happened here, and something irreversible, And how is it that that could happen to me? And my partner turned to me and said, like, just you know, you're allowed to think about it. And I turned to him and I said, my chainsaw to get the baby out. I would do that, but it was all worth it.
By the time she had her beautiful baby in arms and spoiler alert, no chainsaws necessary.
She had done a pooh on her way out, and I had vomited all over myself. I remember her looking up at me and looking into her eyes, and we've got the cutest little photos of those moments afterwards where we can tell. We always joke that she was looking at me being like, mum, was I the drama? And it's like, yes, you were the drama.
So let's meet today's supermum. Hi.
My name is Claire Stevens and this is the diary of my birth with Matila.
So, before falling pregnant, Claire was quite career focused, rising through the ranks of Mamma Mia, and she'd been with her partner for over a decade.
I was quite career focused.
I had been with my partner for about twelve thirteen, fourteen years, a very long time since I was about eighteen. So we had always known that we wanted kids. And we were just kind of focused on career and establishing our lives, I guess. And then we got married and decided we wanted to start trying, and just a few months later we were pregnant.
So very lucky.
Claire's pregnancy presented some challenges.
Pregnancy was pretty awful. I was not a lovely pregnant woman. It was very healthy. I am very, very grateful for how healthy it was. I was just anxious the whole time that something would go wrong. I'd had what my doctor thought was like a missed miscarriage the first month or second month we started trying, and so I think I had in the back of my head that something
was going to go wrong. And I have a bit of health anxiety anyway, so I was convinced I was gonna have preclampsyr or placenta, previa, or any of the above things that would make pregnancy a nightmare. So I was anxious, and my mental health generally wasn't great, and for me, the pregnancy hormones were the ones that messed with my head a little bit.
Having anxiety in pregnancy is very common. I had it. I was constantly terrified I was going to lose my first baby, particularly after those months and months and months of IVF, and it's not often discussed. Claire took steps to help herself through it.
I think I slowed down a little bit with work. I took the pressure off with a few things, pushed a few big projects back instead of kind of running full throttle until the day I gave birth. I thought, no, that's just not the stage of life that I'm in at the moment. I need to look after myself, and I was very aware that I didn't want to go into birth burnt out. So I slowed down a lot and saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist and played around with medication and stuff, which helped.
Towards the end of her pregnancy, Claire started looking ahead to the big event.
I had a bit of a funny expectation of birth because my twin sister had given birth five or six months earlier and had had an excellent birth, and I think I was a bit biased in thinking, well, you know, similar physiology, maybe I'll be lucky enough to have that as well. And at the same time, I was very aware that that belief was not a positive one, that I needed to accept that my birth if nothing else, was going to be completely.
Different, because that's what birth is.
So I'd been anxious about about childbirth and had done all the birthing classes and spoken to my doctor and had gone through all sorts of things. The baby was big for my body, they thought, so. The obstrician had sort of suggested that there might be a need for a C section, but I was like, no, I think I want to try. I want to try for vaginal birth. But yeah, towards the end, I thought, I'm going to
try and get into the right headspace. I'm going to do hypno birthing and read books and all of that. So I did like hypno birthing affirmations, I was listening to podcasts. I was getting fully into it, thinking I'm going to try my very best to control what i can about this. And in hindsight, I don't know anyone who's listening to this and is pregnant and feels guilty that they're not doing the things they should be doing.
There's nothing you should be doing, like you can't control.
I kind of think raw doging to our birth might be the way to go.
You can definitely over prepare.
Claire's obstric had suggested getting induced at thirty nine weeks due to research that suggests that it might be the best way for her to have a vaginal birth thanks to lower intervention, So she had an induction booked in for a Tuesday.
Well, it was odd.
So my obstrition had suggested getting induced because she thought that might be the best way to have a vaginal birth. She thought, at thirty nine weeks, there's all this new research, there's a lower risk of intervention. And I was meant to be induced on say, I think a Tuesday, and that morning, at like five am, my waters broke. So it was like Matilda knew and she thought, eh, I'm gonna come anyway. And I could tell that it was
my waters. I didn't notice a feeling. I just went to the bathroom and went, oh, there, it is like it's sort of I instinctively kind of knew that that's sort it was. But I knew from all my research that you had to go to hospital because once your waters break.
You're on a bit of a timeline in terms of infection.
So I went to hospital and they confirmed, yes, your waters have broken. You're having some light contractions, but go home. And labor at home because you'll progress faster and come back.
Claire was keen to follow her obstetricians advice, so Claire went home, keen to labor there for as long as possible as that was where she felt most comfortable.
I thought, Okay, I am going to labor at home for as long as possible because I know that's where I feel comfortable.
So I had an.
Exercise ball that I was bouncing on. I was reading a book. I still can't return to that book.
I've never finished it.
I just weirdly I read like a few chapters and then yeah, I think I'll leave that unread. There was a huge storm, I remember, so Rory and I tried to have a nap, but our window ended up breaking in and the curtain fell down, and it was just absolutely wild storm, which apparently the drop in barometric pressure
from the storm often breaks women's waters. The maternity ward was full when I went in, and yeah, I've met a lot of people who had babies at the same time and they say that it's because of the storm. So I just kind of tried to do all the affirmations. I was in the bath for a long time. The contractions took a while to kick in and were kind
of slowed to ramp up. But one thing I did do, because oxytocin is meant to be really important in like fueling labor, I hung out with my sister's baby and kept sniffing her because I was like, you are the best sols of oxytocin for me. I was like, come on, start those contractions. So I did a lot of sniffing her. Went to bed that night. My partner slept. I was like, get as much sleep as you can. I couldn't sleep.
I tossed and turned again, and the contractions ramped up overnight, which they say biologically happens like as it gets darker and at night time that's kind of when things seem to ramp up. And then they slowed down a bit during the day, So overnight contractions really ramped up. And I remember looking at my phone and thinking, just wait till five am. Wait till five am, and then you can wait rory when we can go. For some reason,
I wanted to wait till five am. I wanted like an arbitrary marker because I wasn't confident about my own pain threshold. I was like I am very aware I'm not having this baby right now, but I also don't want to be in a whole lot of pain and feel out of control. The contractions slowed down a little bit on the way to hospital, which can happen when you're kind of out of your safety zone, and I was a bit like, no, I want them to believe me that I was in a lot of pain, Like I don't want them.
To know that I was telling the truth.
But I had a few solid ones. I also had the tens machine on at that point, and that was a good distraction if nothing else, just to have a button to press and a zap going through you to distract you from a horrible contraction.
Arriving at the hospital knowing this is it this time, I'm going to walk out of here with a baby is a huge overwhelming feeling.
So I got to the hospital, walked in to the ward, and burst into tears. Mostly I think it was a combination of sleep deprivation and the contractions, because by that point I already hadn't slept in two nights, and they hadn't even really gone into proper labor birth all of that.
So I just burst into tears.
And the most beautiful midwife took me and was like, we are going to get you an ampydur or we are going to get you comfortable. This is all going to be fine, and that was incredible. She was an ab salute saint. And I remember I was so sleep deprived already that I put the gown on the wrong way so it was open at the front because I was like, well, I guess you're gonna need like access to my badge and she was like, honey, wrong way, and I'm like, this is the first time I've ever
worn a hospital gown. I've ever been in hospital. I've never spent a night in hospital. So yeah, by that point, I was like, get the epidural in me. I had absolutely no anxiety about the epidural. I'm not particularly scared of needles. I've known lots and lots of people who have got epidurals. And when the anetheist came in, I
was fine. I was like, get it in me, and we had Christmas carols playing and he was happy and joking about unwrapping the needles and it all being like unwrapping Christmas presents, and then he did the epidural, and my memory. It's funny what your memory kind of erases months and months down the track. But when he put it in, he said, ye can't move, You've got to
be completely still, and I was like, yep. And where he put it, I'd had really bad sciatica throughout pregnancy and it felt like it hit my sciatic nerve, so I flinched. I fully leg went up in the air and I was like, ooh, I'm going to be in trouble. And he went silent for a very long time and then made some noises that were like ooh oh, which is not what you want to hear from the person with a needle in your back. And then my partner and I laughed about this now, but it was not
funny at the time. He was like, I'm going to start by telling you what went right, and I was like, that implies something went wrong, and when you're that anxious and sleep deprived, it's really hard to take in information.
And basically what he was saying was I've taken out spinal fluid, so he's put the needle in and some spinal fluid has come back out, and he was trying to work out what that meant if he had got it in the right place if it had gone too deep, And then I sort of was saying, okay, that's all great. I don't really need to know the ins and outs of that. I just need to know what's going to happen. And he was worried I'd get a complication after the epidural once at wore off, or that it would be
too strong, or that it wouldn't work at all. It was so confusing, and I was very, very very anxious. He left and came back, and left and came back, and I think he was checking on me, which made me more worried because I thought, what are you waiting to happen in a moment, to pass out or something. And I think as well, having something go wrong in inverted coomas that early I was like, Oh, this isn't
not that I pictured it. I was very rigid in I'm not going to picture how this is going to go, because whatever I picture, it's going to go the other way. But I kind of thought that was the bit that would go smoothly the epidural, and it didn't. So he came back a little while later and said, oh, okay, none of the complications seemed to have happened, but as the birth went on, the epidural very much wore off.
Claire was in early labor and at this stage and quite understandably, was beginning to panic.
So I was convinced when he was silent and when he was kind of babbling on, I couldn't interpret what he was saying. I thought, Oh, my gosh, I'm the one in a million that is paralyzed. That something horrible has happened here, and something irreversible, and how is it that that could happen to me? Even when he left, I remember he left for a bit and I turned to the midwife and said, I don't understand what he's saying. Can you clarify it? And she said, I'm so sorry.
I don't understand either. And you're getting messages from family saying like, oh, have you got the epidural, and you're like, yeah, something's gone wrong.
I don't want to talk about it yet.
But there was a while there that I was convinced I was paralyzed, because then you can't kind of feel your legs and you're like, am I ever going to feel them again?
Is this a permanent thing? So I think that put.
Me in a kind of state of fight or flight quite early, and my contractions stopped for.
Ages after that because I was clearly bloody.
Terrified coming up.
It was like a bowling ball, trying to push a bowling ball out of my body. And I feel like I could feel it the whole time as I was pushing.
So let's recap.
I haven't slept in two nights already. I I'm laying there thinking I could be paralyzed, and I can't feel my legs. I am laying there thinking, Okay, at least the words is over. The scary thing has happened. It'll be smooth sailing from now on. And so the epidural was early that morning, and the day goes on and on and on and on, and this is the twentieth of December, and my birthday is the twenty first. Every
midwife was like, don't worry, your baby's coming today. Like she's not going to come on your birthday, She's coming today. She's coming today. And as the day wears on and on and on, I wasn't dilating, and then it got to the point where Matilda was very stuck. I had a catheterin and I remember saying it was just full of blood, and I think that was because she must have been stuck somewhere that was blocking something. But she was posterior. She was definitely kind of the wrong angle.
And that's when the epidural started to wear off. And I remember the anethethist had said, you can kind of control how the epidural works, so if you sit up, it works with gravity, so if you sit up, it kind of flows further down. And I kept kind of sitting up because it was really like that bum pain because it's posteria, and it was just agony. Nothing was happening. They kept checking and saying, she's stuck, She's stuck, and then a midwife came in checked and she said Matilda
had a cone head. She could tell from checking because she'd been pushing for so long and unable to come down because I wasn't dilating, and the midwife she looked at me and said, it's probably going to be an emergency sea section. I'm just going to get the obstetrician, but kind of prepare for that. And I was really really emotional, not because I'd ever had a fear of anything about having a sea section, but just because I
had this weird instinct to stay in that room. Like I just I was like, I don't think I can have another needle. For some reason, the idea of moving to another room and having surgery was like such a jump from just being in this little bubble. And it's weird. I think time everything just evaporates when you're in that much pain and something is clearly not going right with your body.
Despite being so delirious from pain and exhaustion, Claire was able to tune in and listen to what her body was telling her.
So the obstrition came in and she said, weird, it's miracle whatever that midwife did, You've dilated another like three centimeters, so actually, let's keep going. But she looked at me because I was clearly not okay, and she said, do you think you can go for another hour? And I said, yes, yes, I can go for another hour. And I believe it
was another five hours before Matilda was born. And in that five hours I did start projectile vomiting at one point because the pain was so bad, and the midwife kept asking if it was press or pain, and I just I had no words anymore.
I just felt very, very out of control.
And scared, but very in my own body, Like it was almost like I wasn't there. You kind of go to another place. I think at this point my sister had kind of been there for a bit of support because I was quite distressed, and my partner's there, and then they kind of had a look and the obstrition said, Okay, we've got to get Matilda out now. She's she must have said she's in distressed. I don't think I heard that at the time. Very very quickly it turned into,
I guess, more of an emergency situation. All of a sudden, my legs were like in stirrups, and there were handlebars on the bed and lots more people in the room, and I remember all the lights being on, and I remember that being different because my sister had said with hers like pretty much all the lights were off and it was just the midwife and the obstrician, and yeah, I kind of got the hint that this was going
to be a little bit different. And the obstric told me, you have a few goes at pushing, and she kind of needed to tell whether I was able to push at that point or if I was too exhausted and that's why my sister ended up staying, because the original idea had been that it would be my partner and I and my sister outside. But yeah, Jesse looked at my partner and was like, I did classes on this. I know how to help her, and everything had gone
out of my head. Then the obstrician said, we're going to need a vacuum, but in order to do that, you do need to push, and the vacuum kind of keeps them there. Like apparently when you push, it's like baby comes out, goes back in, goes out, back in. With a vacuum, it kind of you push and it keeps them there, and then you push again and keeps them there. So she said, you've got like three pushes and if you can't push, I'm gonna have to use forceps and risk about it.
And I was like, wow, that's really hectic.
And I could feel and I still remember the pain, and it really felt like something was wrong, Like I could feel the pressure and I thought as I was pushing, I was like, I am just certain I'm damaging something, I'm breaking something.
This does not feel It was like it was like.
A bowling ball trying to push a bowling ball out of my body, and I feel like I could feel it the whole time as I was pushing. I think maybe because there had just been quite a few things at all, these moments of thinking that the worst was over, and then the obstitution said I'm going to have to do a pisiotomy. My partner and I still talk about it.
There was something about the way she said it and the fact that I was so exhausted by that point that it feels really scary, Like it feels really scary to be consenting to something when you're kind of like, obviously you're the obstrician. And my partner turned to me and said, like, just you know, you're allowed to think about it, blah blah blah.
And I turned to him and I said, I chainsaw to get the baby out.
I would do that, like obviously she is the obstrician. Whatever she says, I'm happy. But there is something I
think very with birth. It's such a vulnerable position for women to be in, and it is your body, you not being in control of your body for a lot of people for the first time ever, and so I think just almost having the visual of that was a bit was a bit confronting at the time, and seeing her having a tray of instruments and all of that, and so it was an episiotomy, and then I think it was like one other push and Matilda was out.
And finally Matilda was here, but then came emotions. Claire wasn't expecting.
When Matilda comes out, I expect to feel the most relief I've ever felt.
But as she.
Came out, she didn't cry, and I was aware that not every baby cries, and there are lots and lots of reasons for that. But she was kind of placed on me, and I remember she had something in her eye.
It was really cute.
She had something in hery, and I was like, honey, i'm something. You're right, I was probably goo of some description from my body, but she wasn't breathing properly. She was on me, and I kind of gave her a cuddle, but not for very long. And then they asked my partner if he wanted to cut the cord, and he had been very because he doesn't like blood and that
kind of thing. He had been really tossing up, so he had a moment of like, oh, I don't know, and they kind of looked at him like, cut the fricking cord, mate, are you cutting the cord or not?
And he's like, yes, yes, yes, and so he.
Cut it and then they took her to the little table thing in the room and there were tubes and they must have been fluid or something, but yeah, she wasn't breathing. So the pediatrician was there, and I remember there were several people in the room at that point, and I was still in shock that I had just given birth and convinced that I was because I was like, did the bewt hair happen? I don't know if the bowtair happened. I don't like she did the episiotomy.
Did that?
Was it a normal episiomy or there are different varieties of episiotomy. So I was still kind of focused on my body, and I think my partner was as well. He was kind of looking at me to see if I was okay. And then I remember when he kind of stood up and looked over to the back of the room and he was.
Like, oh, is she okay?
And I guess I'd still been stuck in thinking about me, and so I had a lot of guilt about that that I wasn't immediately thinking, hold on, wait, what about my baby?
We all planned for that picture perfect first baby photo, but Claire's, like many of ours, in reality, didn't come out as instaready as planned.
She had done a pooh on her way out, and I had vomited all over myself. So I remember cuddling her and looking at her and being so amazed, but also being like, oh, I love a shower. I remember being like, does anyone have any wipes? Like I just had just all sorts of bodily fluids all over me. I remember her looking up at me and looking into her eyes, And we've got the cutest little photos of those moments afterwards where we can tell. We always joke that she was looking at me being like, Mum, was
I the drama? And it's like, yes, you were the drama. You were a little bit the drama Matilda. And so we had cuddles, and then she was in her basinet and my partner, I mean, the things that you don't know when you have a baby for the first time.
He had sort of slept in those two nights, but not a whole lot, and he was hovering over the Bacinet kind of falling asleep, and the midwife was like, do you need something, and he's like, oh, well, someone has to watch her while she sleeps, and the midwife was like, no, the baby's just going to sleep. You can sleep too, So we kind of tried to sleep, but you can't because you've got all this adrenaline of what just happened.
And then it's started not defeeding.
Coming up and people see you and visit you and say, oh my god, is it just amazing? Is it everything you ever dreamed of? And it's really really confronting if inside you're thinking, oh, what if it's not? And I can see that that could be the genesis of a lot of postpart and mental health issues for men and women.
Claire is wonderfully candid about the next stage, the bit Every movie and book tells you should be filled with immediate joy and love, but for many of us doesn't play out that way.
So my twin sister, the moment she gave birth, she described it as she felt like the universe open, like it was a very profound, moving moment for her. And when I was in labor, she had said to me, like, you know, tomorrow is going to be the best day of your life, like you have like you have no idea, it's just going to be so amazing. And everybody had said that throughout pregnancy, like this is just going to be It is all worth it.
It is incredible.
And because I guess when it's a traumatic berth, you can't switch gears that quickly of hold on, I'm really scared for me and my baby. Like when Matilda was stuck, I was thinking, well, hold on, is she in distress? Do we know that her heart rate's fine? Should we be worried about this? And then when she was born, I think all the trauma of it can't be separated from the baby immediately. And I think as well, when I was pushing, I was angry, like the overwhelming emotion.
I felt out of control, I was in pain. But when she then came out, I couldn't go from the anger to the this is you know, the best day of my life. I couldn't do that immediately, and I think the pressure to do that is really it's not great. And people see you and visit you and say, oh my god, is it just amazing? Is it everything you ever dreamed of? And it's really really confronting if inside
you're thinking, oh, what if it's not? And I can see that that could be the genesis of a lot of postpart and mental health issues for men and women, because I am a bit ashamed to admit that probably before giving birth, I didn't really understand how men could get postnal depression. I thought, but women have all sorts of hormones, and you've had this experience. And then I looked at my partner and thought, you would be just as entitled to be traumatized by this as I have.
And then there's the sleep deprivation for days afterwards, and then there's contending with hold on what if I don't feel the way that I'm meant to feel? And I think a lot of people have that, And it's actually the shame that you put on top of that emotion and not the emotion itself that is the really scary thing.
Like many mums, it took Claire time to bond with her baby.
So then I was very focused on the feeding and the like I need to do this and I need to do this right. And so I think it took a few weeks for me to sort of give myself some grace and take the pressure off myself and just enjoy this absolutely beautiful baby, and it just gets better and better and better. Yeah, it's the sort of thing I don't know if anyone can tell you at the time, but it passes, and the love and obsession is just
unlike anything I've ever experienced before. My biggest word of this year has been grace that I really think giving yourself grace and being gentle on yourself is so important. And so however birth goes, it is not your fault. There is no judgment. And this might be different personalities and different ways of looking at things, but whatever way they come into the world is perfect. Whatever way you feed them is perfect. With breastfeeding, I remember reading a
thing that changed my perspective on it. That's like carrots are healthy, but you don't have to eat carrots to be healthy, like you can eat other things. And I kind of think about that in regards to all the stuff around birth postpartum. No one's gonna get the perfect set of circumstances for their child because life is life, and your baby doesn't know what they didn't.
Get, Like, do you know what I mean?
Like, it's so stupid to have any like all the research around, like c sections and vaginal birds and breastfeeding versus not breastfeeding. It's like, well, that baby is only getting what they're getting and they are who they are. I just think taking the pressure off yourself, your or
baby is not a science experiment. They are a really complex, full human being, and so you are not going to inject the perfect amount of things into them and make them into some superhuman And even if that was possible, you don't want that anyway, because you just want a normal kid.
While we love learning about women's birth stories, we recognize that it's also important to hear from the experts, and we're lucky enough to have one of the best in doctor Golly, who is one of the country's favorite pediatricians and a Data three like Claire. Many Australian women choose to have epidurals and for the vast majority of the time they are completely safe and drama free. Here's doctor Golli.
Yeah, epidurols are. They are a very safe and extremely effective method of pain relief during labor. But like any procedure, there are always side effects and this is the real challenge is weighing up the pros and the cons And what I really want women out there to know is that side effects are common, but you've got to know what's common, what's mild, what's serious, and just how often they occur. So with regard to an epidural, what are
the common side effects? Probably the most common one that I see with women who've had epidurals, certainly the same when my wife had her epidurals low blood pressure. And it can usually be managed really well with fluids and sometimes medications. This is happening about probably up to twenty percent of the time. There's also with a similar incidence is itchy skin. It's often quite a minor annoyance. And
here I am saying it's a minor annoyance. I'm not someone who's ever had to experience it, but again, it can be treated really easily, really effectively with medication. And then in about less than one percent of cases, there is a headache, and it's a specific type of headache. It's known as a post dural puncture headache PDPH, and it's often from a small leak of spinal fluid, so
it's quite rare and it usually resolves very quickly. Also, there is a present seizure, a very minor procedure called a blood patch, which is what an anesthetis can do to basically seal that little leak, and it's very effective in terming the headache off. I haven't seen that very often, but it is something that happens. So even the common side effects are not particularly common. And then there are
the rare implications. So infection. Now, any time you breach the skin with anything, there is a risk of infection. Here we're talking point one of percent. Then there is the risk of nerve damage, which is probably the fear that's at the forefront of most women. It's extremely, extremely rare, and it's usually temporary as well. In terms of rarity, we're talking zero point zero three percent, so it's a really dining number. And then arguably the most severe side effect,
most serious one, is a severe allergic reaction. But this is so uncommon. I've not only never seen it, I've never heard of it any of my colleagues, never talking less than zero point zero one percent. So the other thing to remember during epidurals the niece that is, they're monitoring your blood pressure, your vital signs throughout the procedure throughout the labor, so it's always being watched and like I touched on before, you've got a way up the
benefits and the risks. So for many women, the pain relief provided from epidural significantly improves their labor experience and they can participate more actively in the birth. They can actually, you know, some people say, actually enjoy it. It's a very very individualized decision. I just want mums and expected mums to know what the percentages are so they know what to worry about and what is so uncommon that it's extremely unlikely to happen.
I love how honest Claire was about the time it took to bond with Matilda. Doctor Gollie says that this is common and it really should be spoken about to alleviate the guilt mums unfairly put on themselves for feeling this way.
Oh I love this, I really do. And you know, I've worked with Claire and her bub and one thing that struck me was just that absolute honesty, and it's so refreshing and it's so necessary in these conversations because there is this idyllic, Hollywood style, Instagram friendly version of childbirth where baby arrives and you know, the tears flow, and this is what I've always been waiting for, and it's everything I've ever dreamed of, And it's just not
always the case. I know, when my first was born, I was anticipating this more than anything that I'd ever thought of in my life, and when she arrived, I had the same absence of feeling and I worried there was something wrong with me. There was certainly nothing wrong with my daughter. So I completely empathize with what Claire went through. And it's important that people know what to expect.
I know that line is cliche, but know what to expect when you are expecting and also what doesn't necessarily happen straight away. So that is a surprisingly common response for new parents, even if it's not your first child. There are so many reasons why this is the case, anything from a traumatic birth experience, sleep deprivation, shock, fear, anxiety, postpartum blues. There are so many reasons why this can happen.
But the important thing to know is that that bond and that connection, it doesn't have to be instant, and it is built over time, and the way you build it is by parenting. It's by feeding, whether breast or bottle, by winding, by changing nappies, by bathing, by rubbing a lotion, on being there, just simply being with your baby. That's
what builds that bridge. And speaking from personal experience, it makes no difference in the long term whether that bridge is built the moment the cord is cut, or that bridge is built over days to weeks or months. It does get built, and there is absolutely no harm in a delay.
Here a diary of a birth. We want to educate and entertain you with these amazing stories of birth, but also prepare expectant mums for what comes next the fourth trimester when you bring your baby home. Here's Claire's advice.
My practical advice is I read a book called The First Six Weeks by midwife Cas. It was the only thing I read and it's really short, so you can read it very quickly. That was my guide because essentially she says.
All you need to do is feed them and hold them.
That's it.
They are the rules. There are no habits. You can't stuff anything up in that period. So that's my practical advice. And the other thing is don't try and do too much, I think for future babies. I would do a lot more of the slowing down. Just hang it home, people can wait. Everyone's going to meet your baby eventually, so I think take the pressure off. Just nappies and you think you don't need as many as you do, but you do.
You need lots.
And the other thing is and I will say this was a Maya Friedman special, great practical gifts. She got me just these Kmart big cumphy undies and was like, however long, just wear them and you can just chuck them out. You don't have to worry about maintaining these. And they were perfect because you know you might not be your normal size and your size is fluctuating and all of that, and just so comfy. Don't try to prep too much because you just and you can change.
You can change your baby's nappy on the bloody floor. You don't need your full stocked everything like.
You'll be fine.
Thank you for joining us on Diary of a Birth, where we celebrate all the amazing ways that we as women bring life into the world. If you'd like to share your birth story with us, we'd love to hear from you. Details are in the show notes. Diary of a Birth was hosted by me Cassanya Lukic with expert input from Doctor Collie, Audio production by Scott Stronach and our executive producer is Georgie Page.