DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better - podcast cover

DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better

ABCG Studioswww.diabolicalpod.com
The comedy podcast where four long suffering friends dissect film’s most dastardly schemes, and then compete to improve those diabolical plans.

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Episodes

Episode 42: The Lost Boys

“Delegation – that’s what you need” The panel of peril dance a jig around their bedroom to some ‘heavy metal’, jump in an incredibly bubbly bath, before heading down to the beach to watch a special screening of The Lost Boys (Joel Schumacher, 1987). When the Emerson family (Michael, played by Jason Patric; Sam, played by Corey Haim; and Lucy, played by Dianne Wiest) moves to Santa Carla they set about finding their peer groups. Sam finds the Frog Brothers (Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander), L...

Apr 17, 20231 hr 11 minEp. 42

Episode 41: Dog Soldiers

“Physics should prevent that popcorn from staying in his mouth” The panel of peril hole up in deserted, isolated cottage in the dead of night, put their sausages away (meaning intestines, you dirty sods), and stick the box on to watch England vs Germany… I mean Dog Soldiers (Neil Marshall, 2002). A small group of soldiers, led by Cooper (Kevin McKidd) and Wells (Sean Pertwee), are sent on a training exercise in the Scottish Highlands, but are caught unawares by the appearance of a hard-ass comma...

Apr 10, 202359 minEp. 41

Episode 40: Alan Partridge Alpha Papa

“Liberty X Marks The Spot” The panel of peril park their Lexus, remove their string back leather gloves (worn for that bit of extra purchase) and settle down on the banquette to watch this week’s film Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (Declan Lowney, 2013). When world famous local radio DJ Alan Partridge’s (Steve Coogan) radio station is taken over by a media conglomerate it sets in motion a chain of events which has Alan working with the rozzers to try to defuse a potentially violent siege. That siege...

Apr 03, 20231 hr 9 minEp. 40

Episode 39: The Matrix

“All things considered, I won’t be dressing up as The Matrix for Halloween anytime soon” Waking up from an impromptu early evening nap at their work desk, the panel of peril are alarmed to find their computer seeming to type out words of its own accord. Those words? “Settle in and watch this week’s film The Matrix (The Wachowskis, 1999).” Woah. Thomas Anderson (Keanu Reeves) is a workaday office drone with a side-line in computer hacking. But when he is contacted by the mysterious Trinity (Carri...

Mar 27, 20231 hr 18 minEp. 39

Episode 38: There’s Something About Mary

“Sorry, Cameron. We don’t have the budget for bras” The panel of peril perform the necessary preparations before their date with a beeeeyootiful blonde; for they are taking their beau to see a movie – this week’s movie There’s Something About Mary (Bobby and Peter Farrelly, 1998). Mary (Cameron Diaz) is a bachelorette in high demand, particularly from brief high school flame Ted (Ben Stiller). When he hires private detective Pat Healy (Matt Dillon) to find her whereabouts everyone gets more than...

Mar 20, 20231 hr 10 minEp. 38

Episode 37: Jason And The Argonauts

“I like how horny Hercules is” The panel of peril return home from a voyage across the seven seas, wearied by battle against foes both human and… inhuman – skeletons and wotnot. Just after putting a big wash on for all their travel clothes, they settle in to watch this week’s film Jason And The Argonauts (Don Chaffey, 1963). Jason (Todd Armstrong) and his merry band of Argonauts are sent on a perilous expedition to find the mythical golden fleece by his baddie uncle Pelias (Douglas Wilmer), who ...

Mar 13, 20231 hr 5 minEp. 37

Episode 36: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)

“Hackers do not apostrophize” The panel of peril dust off their leathers, straddle the cheap motorbike they’ve been painstakingly restoring, and speed through the cold winter’s night, homeward. Once they’ve warmed up with a hot toddy, they stick on this week’s film The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (David Fincher, 2011). Disgraced journalist Mikkael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) takes on a decades old mystery at the behest of the elderly industrialist Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer): solve the myst...

Mar 06, 20231 hr 28 minEp. 36

Episode 35: Sleepy Hollow

“It’s like murder Pringles” The panel of peril put on a pair of comically unwieldy magnifying-style glasses, shriek in the face of danger and down tools to view this week’s movie Sleepy Hollow (Tim Burton, 1999). Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) has been summoned to the sleepy Dutch settlers town of Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of murders by decapitation. The locals headed up by Baltus Van Tassel (Michael Gambon), Magistrate Philipse (Richard Griffiths), Dr. Lancaster (Ian Macdiarmid), and K...

Feb 27, 20231 hr 3 minEp. 35

Episode 34: Labyrinth

“They got Orson Welles to do the farts” The panel of peril adjust their codpieces, lacquer their hair profusely, and settle down with our goblin lackeys to watch this week’s film Labyrinth (Jim Henson, 1986). Sarah Williams (Jennifer Connelly) is a young woman who lives in somewhat of a fantasy world. And by that, I mean that she dresses up as a medieval princess down at her local park. Her parents aren’t happy about her lack of responsibility at all, but she’s having none of it. Until the night...

Feb 20, 20231 hr 15 minEp. 34

Episode 33: Jurassic Park

“Oooooh, dinosaurs!” The panel of peril slow their day glo off road vehicle first to a crawl, then to a stop before removing their sunglasses and staring in awe at this week’s film, Jurassic Park (Steven Spielberg, 1993). John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) has created the unthinkable, a park populated by long extinct dinosaurs, and invited several experts along before the grand opening. Alan Grant (Sam Neill), Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern), Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldlum) et al. arrive to see what the ...

Feb 13, 20231 hr 21 minEp. 33

Episode 32: The League Of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse

“Is homunculus a verb?” Wandering absent mindedly into a local shop, the panel of peril become quite concerned as one of the proprietors begins to strip naked whilst the other rants at them about having been in a war. They are summarily tied to a stake and told to watch this week’s film The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse (Steve Bendelack, 2005). World’s collide as The League of Gentlemen (Mark Gatiss, Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton) are confronted by their own creations from two fictional w...

Feb 06, 20231 hr 11 minEp. 32

Episode 31: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

“Once women everywhere are empowered, it would be time to bring in the rent boys” One by one the panel of peril change up their weapon set as they engage in a life or death four way dual, as they smash and slice each armament to pieces in turn. The only thing that breaks their furious combat is a swift two hour viewing of this week’s film, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Ang Lee, 2000). Jade Fox (Cheng Pei-pei) is a woman with a grudge against Wudan. And it just so happens that she and her appre...

Jan 30, 20231 hr 2 minEp. 31

Episode 30: The Simpsons Movie

“Doesn’t matter, badgers are infinite” The panel of peril all arrive home at the same time, Craig narrowly avoiding being run over by Gaz pulling his car into the garage, and dive onto their couch (and then something funny happens). Then they stick on this week’s film, The Simpsons Movie (David Silverman, 2007). Springfield has become the most polluted town in the US and special measures will have to be taken. Head of the EPA, Russ Cargill (A. Brooks) decides that the best course of action is to...

Jan 23, 20231 hr 3 minEp. 30

Episode 29: Alien

“I’d feel vulnerable in little pants and a vest” The panel of peril wake up from hypersleep (normal sleep really), cough for absolutely ages, have a quick brekkie, and stick on Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic Alien. The Nostromo mining ship is on its return journey to Earth when it intercepts a distress beacon form LV 426. But Dallas (Tom Skerritt), Brett (Harry Dean Stanton), Parker (Yaphet Kotto) and Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) find more than they bargained for on the planet’s surface. In space no o...

Jan 16, 20231 hr 2 minEp. 29

Episode 28: The Dark Knight

“We had a wonderful conversation. Please don’t print it in the newspapers that I got mad” The panel of peril sanitise their hands, walk out of the hospital that they’ve been visiting a badly burned acquaintance in, and thank the staff for all of their hard work. Because we support the NHS. And the Postal workers, heck all of Britain’s workforce! Once home, the panel grab a glass of blackcurrant squash and turn on this week’s film The Dark Knight (2008). Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale) believ...

Jan 09, 20231 hr 30 minEp. 28

Episode 27: Fantastic Mr. Fox

“Wes Anderson uses the power of symmetry to travel through time and space” The panel of peril square up to one another all of a sudden, snarl, and flap their arms around whilst saying things like “Cuss you!” “Cuss me! Cuss you.” Things soon de-escalate though, they are friends after all, and they take a pew to watch Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl’s Fantastic Mister Fox (2009). Foxy (George Clooney) is an animal who has it all; a beautiful wife (Felicity voiced by Meryl Streep), smart son (Ash voiced ...

Jan 02, 20231 hr 2 minEp. 27

Episode 26: Home Alone

“Well, you’ve blown my toy” The panel of peril run screaming around the house like a bunch of absolute little monsters amongst an army of siblings and extended family. It is, to be honest, an absolute nightmare. Fortunately they have the respite of settling in to watch a Boxing Day treat in the form of 1990’s Home Alone! Kevin McCallister (Macauley Culkin) is just an ordinary kid: he likes plain pizza, leaving toys laying around all over the shop, and not having to sleep in the same space as bed...

Dec 26, 20221 hr 7 minEp. 26

Episode 25: Die Hard

“Breaking her down mentally,” “Like Craig does with porridge” The panel of peril arrive for their annual Christmas party, meet the office coke fiend, argue with their estranged wife, and then settle in to watch the first of our Christmas films of the year: John McTiernan’s 1988 classic Die Hard. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is a New York cop visiting his estranged wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) at her work’s Christmas party in wacky Los Angeles. That party takes place at the beautiful Nakatomi Plaza...

Dec 19, 20221 hr 6 minEp. 25

Episode 24: Avatar

“Give them a genetically engineered giant conker” The panel of peril awaken in their massive new blue alien bodies and go for a joyous run through a bioluminescent jungle before settling in to watch James Cameron’s Avatar (2009). When paraplegic Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) is tasked with inserting his consciousness into an alien avatar body on the moon of Pandora he does his duty. That duty is to bargain with the indigenous people, the Na’vi, to gain access to their sacred land and mine for pre...

Dec 12, 20221 hr 17 minEp. 24

Episode 23: Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom

“Drink blood out of Gandhi’s head” The panel of peril awaken to find that the pilots of their small prop plane have left them in the lurch, hop in a rapid inflating dinghy, and glide to the safety of a tumultuous river, landing in a small Indian village just in time to watch this week’s film Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)! Uncannily, this exact series of events also befalls Indy (Harrison Ford), Willie Scott (Kate Capshaw) and Shortround (Ke Huy Quan) as they are drawn into the Indi...

Dec 05, 20221 hr 12 minEp. 23

Episode 22: Moonraker

“Just like Lloyd Christmas in his dreams” The panel of peril valmorphanize their gondola into a very slim car, straighten their ties, cock their eyebrows suggestively, and then take in a viewing of this week’s film Moonraker! Moonraker (1979), directed by Lewis Gilbert, find Roger Moore’s James Bond locked in a game of wits with Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) when a Moonraker space shuttle is stolen in very mysterious circumstances. With the iconic Jaws (Richard Kiel) in hot pursuit, Bond must unr...

Nov 28, 20221 hr 15 minEp. 22

Episode 21: The Goonies

“Mama Fratelli as played by Rip Torn” The panel of peril activate some sort of Rube Goldberg device, put on a hard-wearing pair of boots that are ideal for spelunking (or so the Littlewoods catalogue description said), then settle in to watch the first film of season 2, The Goonies! The Goonies features an all-star cast of child stars (Josh Brolin, Sean Astin, Ke Huy Quan, Corey Feldman) on the hunt for One Eyed Willie’s lost treasure. But there’s a family of criminals fast on their trail named ...

Nov 21, 202251 minEp. 21

Episode 20: Candyman (2021)

“You slaggin’ me?” The panel of peril stand side by side, stare into the bathroom mirror whilst having a group shave and DO NOT say Candyman five times because that would be very silly indeed. Instead, they finish shaving, towel off the excess moisture from their faces and sit down to watch Nia DaCosta’s legacy sequel to Candyman… Candyman! Candyman (2021) finds local artist Anthony McCoy (Yahya Abdul Mateen II) drawn into the folklore of urban legend the Candyman whilst researching for his late...

Nov 14, 20221 hr 3 minEp. 20

Episode 19: Black Panther

“Catching blood in a Snap, Crackle and Pop bowl” The panel of peril throw themselves in front of a gunman during a prison escape, get bundled into a high-tech plane, transported to the hidden nation of Wakanda, and upon waking go “Buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” They then watch the MCU’s Black Panther before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. Normal Monday stuff. Black Panther (2018) sees T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) strugg...

Nov 07, 202252 minEp. 19

Episode 18: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

“The teeth in the opening segment look very good for a 1970s teeth” The panel of peril apply their collective lippy, pull on some fishnets, pour a load of food colouring (or something) into a bath and somehow create human (?) life! After which they relax by watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. This week’s film was released in 1975 and sees engaged, virginal, squares Brad...

Oct 31, 202257 minEp. 18

Episode 17: Night of the Hunter

“Like some macabre beaver” The panel of peril crack their knuckles revealing just how ruddy tattooed those very joints are: LOVE? HATE? Yes, that’s what they say, can you believe it? Then they watch Night of the Hunter before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. Night of the Hunter (1955) is film actor Charles Laughton’s lone directorial effort and casts Robert Mitchum as dodgy preacher Harry Powell as he arrives in...

Oct 24, 202251 minEp. 17

Episode 16: The Big Lebowski

“This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps” The panel of peril open a container of half and half, give it a sniff, then settle in to watch Joel and Ethan Coen’s The Big Lebowski. Afterwards they plan on lighting fire to a big old doobie and inhaling the smoke before trying to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. The Big Lebowski (1998) finds The Dude (Jeff Bridges) being enlisted as investigator into the kidna...

Oct 17, 202253 minEp. 16

Episode 15: The Departed

“The Departed. Let’s talk about The Departed.” The panel of peril pause, after watching The Departed, for a moment; Craig double crosses Gaz, Ben double crosses Craig, and Adam double crosses Ben. What a pickle! However will they get on the same page to then try to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod? I should make clear that they aren’t dead, just horribly injured and capable of speech. Martin Scorsese’s The Departed (2006) ...

Oct 10, 202253 minEp. 15

Episode 14: Who Framed Roger Rabbit

“Is Mickey Mouse really a Communist?” The panel of peril hold back their baser urges, stop playing pattycake, pull down the bed hidden in the wall of their small office and lay down to watch this week’s film Who Framed Roger Rabbit. We then try to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. Who Framed Roger Rabbit sees the titular cartoon critter framed for the murder of Toontown owner Roger Acme, and it lies with whiskey sodden det...

Oct 03, 202247 minEp. 14

Episode 13: Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan

“Odmazdata is better than ice cream, unlike pasta” The panel of peril take their place in some large comfy swivel chairs, place their chin on their fist and engage(!) with 1982’s Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. We then try to improve upon the villain’s diabolical plan for the honour of choosing next week’s film and hosting the pod. Wrath of Khan sees the return of one of The Original Series’ most iconic villains Kahn Noonien Singh (Ricardo Montalban) as he seeks vengeance against Admiral James ...

Sep 26, 202257 minEp. 13
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