60. Breaking Free: Asli's Journey to Self-Esteem and Empowerment

Intro [00:00:00]:
On this week's episode, I'm searching for this. Hey, you did a good job.

Eldar [00:00:05]:
What you're experiencing, honestly, anxiety, crying, depression are very good things right now. Yeah. Despite of what you think, these are your indicators that you're doing something wrong. These are your alarms saying, hey, this is crazy, something's wrong here, but you're.

Toliy [00:00:18]:
Going to overextend yourself in those places. You're going to eventually run into those same problems again, and then you're going to be at the same place. It might be a bit better for a bit longer because you enjoy some of the work, but you're probably going to get to a point where you're not even going to be able to it because of that.

Mike [00:00:33]:
You have to stand up to the other person who's living inside you. You having the person that's fighting you saying, oh, it's okay, they pay me to give me soup. You have to say, fuck off.

Eldar [00:00:42]:
And this selfless behavior that you're talking about, it's actually a very selfish behavior internally.

Asli [00:00:47]:
Really?

Eldar [00:00:48]:
Yeah, you're hiding behind it. I'd like for you to take a piece of that love and bring this to this family. I want you to cure these people from their sickness.

Mike [00:00:55]:
How much can you put a price on that?

Eldar [00:00:56]:
Can you put a price on that?

Asli [00:00:57]:
Oh God, it's gonna be tougher than I thought.

Eldar [00:01:12]:
Okay, so today's topic is courtesy of asley, our guest. So this time the question will be around. Something that OsSi particularly wants to discuss is being too selfless, especially maybe at work. Right. So maybe you can describe a little bit more about what you mean and why this is an important topic for you, why you're interested in discussing it.

Asli [00:01:34]:
Yeah. So it's basically a pattern that repeats itself currently. Like, I had already, like, before this job already, like, let's say three or four other jobs where it repeated itself, or. And at the end of it, I feel the same, like, full and just exhausted and just like depressed and just crying. And everything is too much. And this is how I feel right now. I would say every second or third day I'm already crying and everything is terrible. I get a lot of anxiety.

Asli [00:02:18]:
So basically how it started was when I started this job, I told myself that I'm gonna protect myself and not do the. Repeat my mistakes again. But unfortunately I repeated them again, which is, I started a job in the beginning, I protect myself. Like I, let's say I'm very. I try to be distant, but then through this job, I realized I couldn't hold it, because first of all, you know, we're in a house, they are working from home. And first, when I had this job interview, she told me all my responsibilities, which was light house cleaning and taking care of the baby, you know, and because I never did it, I, of course, didn't know what you mean with lighthouse cleaning and all of this stuff. So at the beginning, I started to do all of this, get to know my job and with the baby. And then slowly, you know, I became more selfless.

Asli [00:03:27]:
How is. I started to. For example, she wanted me to get the things out from the dishwasher, put it in place and stuff like that. Instead of doing it, I started to wash the dishes, clean the floor. Monday and Friday, I prepared a nice clean house for them. So they start the week grade and end the week grade, you know, they bought a coffee machine. I started to do them, like, one, two coffees because I worked in the coffee place. And then now it became this thing where it's like, it's expected for me to do it.

Asli [00:04:06]:
Like, right now they have, like, guests at home and they call me to do a coffee for them. And I don't feel anymore as a babysitter. I feel more like a maid. A maid. And everything is on me. And it's so tough with the baby already and to do all things. Like, sometimes I'm just working 9 hours straight and I don't have any break. And they ask for more and more and more, and I feel like they don't see it, and I feel like it's not valued, it's not appreciated.

Asli [00:04:36]:
Yeah, they recognize something is wrong with me, but they don't really get it. And I still, like, I feel like, okay, this is a stop for me. I can't clean or wash another dish right now. Like, I can, and then I just still do it because I'm like, yeah, but she's working. She has a baby. Let me just do it. You know? Like, I. Yeah, I feel constantly guilty.

Asli [00:05:01]:
I don't know. I want to say my opinion, but I'm afraid to say it because I don't want to be seen as, like, I'm not doing my job. And she didn't really. We didn't really properly define, like, what is actually light house cleaning, what is actually my. My job here in this after four months, I'm just scared to pop up and say, like, hey, actually, it's too late. And they're used to it because if I say right now, hey, guys, I actually don't want to do the coffee of your guests, because I'm dealing with your child, like right now to say this. And then they're going to do afterwards, the coffee is going to be like, very weird for me. And I don't know how to manage all of this.

Asli [00:05:47]:
It's like 9 hours full and it's too much. It's. They're also very like, she's nice, but he controls her. So last, like last month she asked me if I want to work, if I could work like Saturday and Sunday too. And I said, I'm sorry, but like, I, you know, I have also my life and I have to do some stuff. And then yesterday she comes and asks me if I wanna. If I can work on Saturday in front of everyone. And I'm afraid to say no.

Asli [00:06:22]:
And I'm like, yeah, I have to ask my husband, blah, blah, blah. And because I said no, there's this weird environment now since two days. It's just. I tried to help in my way, which is I gave her some agencies that I know and I said, call them. If you need someone specific for the weekend, just call and, you know, make some interviews. If you need someone from me, I can make, like, beforehand interviews and send them to you. But she's not making a step. And she just constantly, like, wants something.

Asli [00:06:51]:
It's not that they are like terrible people, but just like, I don't know how to deal with it. And it's what I deal with every job, like, it's constantly the same thing.

Eldar [00:07:02]:
You overextend yourself.

Asli [00:07:03]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:07:04]:
A lot.

Asli [00:07:05]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:07:05]:
Why do you think you do it?

Asli [00:07:06]:
I think I want to satisfy people. I want them to feel happy.

Eldar [00:07:13]:
Why?

Asli [00:07:14]:
Because that makes me happy.

Eldar [00:07:15]:
But it doesn't. It makes you happy for the. Maybe for the beginning.

Asli [00:07:19]:
For the beginning, yes. And then later I'm like, oh, no, what did I do? I'm exhausted. I can't do it anymore. And then I'm unhappy. And they're like. Like she was doing it every day. What is the problem? You know?

Eldar [00:07:30]:
Yeah. They have the same expectations.

Asli [00:07:31]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:07:31]:
Do you, do you, like, if you remember, for example, like where your life is at or what the moments are when you get all of these different jobs. Is there a similar pattern?

Asli [00:07:43]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:07:44]:
Between those times?

Asli [00:07:45]:
Yeah. It's mostly every job that I got until now is because of survival.

Toliy [00:07:53]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:07:53]:
It was never because, like, I love to do or I wanted to do it. It was just survival.

Toliy [00:08:00]:
Yeah. And that why I asked us, because, like, if you're overextending yourself, you know, especially like in the beginning, like, when you just get a job and you're coming from a place of like, I don't know if you're desperate or you really need it or like, you've been looking for a while and you finally got it. Or just like, anything along those lines. Not because, like, oh, like, I'm ostley and I have these good skills and like, I'm gonna get this job and I'm gonna do it because, like, I have these skills for it. For example, right. I think early on, you're gonna always, every single time, there's gonna be the same pattern of overextending. And then once it's no longer survival mode, right now, when, like, the dust has settled, you've now collecting paychecks, everything is kind of more normal now, okay? You're not able to keep, to keep up on the same pace you were when you were more desperate, you know, and that, and that's when everything is like, well, like, now I don't want to make these coffees now. Like, you know, you get in situations where you're feeling weird, but you're not feeling weird initially because I think that, like, you have more like, either like, you know, desperation or more like, you know, survivability instincts kicking in and there's no time for, you know, depression or tired or like, this is too much like that.

Toliy [00:09:26]:
That's not even in your mind because you're already so grateful and happy to get a job or to get an opportunity. But then once that kind of, that gratefulness is gone.

Asli [00:09:35]:
Yeah, the highest.

Toliy [00:09:37]:
Yeah. And life is a bit better. Right. And now things are more nor like normal for you. You can't maintain that high pace that you were always that. That's only like a beginning injection. And like, for example, if you were to, I don't know, let's just say you were to either, you know, leave this job or get fired or whatever it was, if you had struggles finding another job, then the same thing would happen again. Because now it's like you have the pressure again.

Toliy [00:10:03]:
You're, you're in survivability mode, right? Desperation mode. You will do anything, right? And now it's like you're willing to overextend and you're willing to take on more responsibilities and do way more. Rather than, like, if you're not coming from a desperate place, then you right it away. Kind of ask those good questions. Well, what does light cleaning mean? Right? Because if she said heavy cleaning, crazy cleaning, it wouldn't have mattered at that point.

Asli [00:10:32]:
Yeah, right.

Toliy [00:10:33]:
Light cleaning. Yeah, that definitely, like, any of those vague terms has to be defined so that you know what you're getting yourself into. Yeah, but so, so I think that. And also just, like, believing in yourself, you know, and carrying, like, an attitude that, like, like, there, there's a lot more jobs available than, like, good workers available like that. That's fact. And a lot of people are coming from, like, more desperate places, and they're gonna be like, they're not gonna have that feeling of, like, like, like, for themselves where, like, they have something to offer. They're just kind of happy that they're getting hired and paid and they're willing to do, like, whatever.

Eldar [00:11:18]:
You understand what he said just now?

Asli [00:11:19]:
Yes, yes.

Eldar [00:11:20]:
This is very important, what he's saying right now.

Asli [00:11:22]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:11:23]:
A lot of people are under impression that it's the reversed way, it's the.

Toliy [00:11:28]:
Other way businesses run shit.

Eldar [00:11:31]:
Yeah. You know, that there's not enough jobs and then there's plenty of good people. That is not the truth. There's small amount of job. I mean, what is it called? There's a lot of jobs, but there's a very small amount of good people to find. Okay. And until you find out who you are in that chain, you're gonna make mistakes.

Asli [00:11:50]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:11:51]:
Okay. It sounds like you're a good worker. Okay. It sounds like you can also be a very good worker if you wanted to for the right reasons.

Asli [00:11:59]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:11:59]:
Right. You can buzz a little bit, you know, more. My question would be, I would like to find out why is. Let's just say there's three. A c, who's lazy, ase, who's good, and ase, who's very good. Why is the one in the middle, ase, who's good, not enough. Why do you have to be very good? You know what I'm saying? Like, you came into the family.

Asli [00:12:21]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:12:22]:
And did good work.

Asli [00:12:23]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:12:25]:
Perfectly normal work, which they would be satisfied with. But you decided to do extra work.

Asli [00:12:30]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:12:31]:
My question to you is why? Why is that good athlete is not enough for people? Um, and I think that has to do something with self esteem, I think.

Asli [00:12:41]:
Yeah, I think so too. I think in. In every area, especially in work area, I don't know why I'm searching for this. Hey, you did a good job. You know, like when. When they come to me and tell me, let's say today, they would come to me and say, hey, you know what? We're very happy with you and the work you do. I would forget all the problems. I would just continue doing the same thing for a week and then after a week, boom, again, you know? But on the other side, I'm also like, if I try to back up and say, like, just make a pause, it's okay.

Asli [00:13:20]:
Just, like, let them say that you didn't wash the dishes. Let them say you didn't do this, but just, like, take care of yourself for 1 second. It feels bad. Like, I. I feel very, very bad.

Eldar [00:13:31]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:13:32]:
Today, like, also straight, I just. I just worked and I didn't make any break. I tried to do my best, but I couldn't finish. Like, I'm. I try to do a good job, and then I'm happy to go home. Just to thank you from them is, like, it means everything for me. And I also want to satisfy them for the amount of money that they give me, which is not a lot, but for me, how much? It's $18.

Eldar [00:14:00]:
$18 an hour.

Asli [00:14:01]:
Yeah. And it's like, you can get paid higher, but for me, it's like, I received back in Australia, like, eight. Eight or seven an hour. So this is, for me, it means a lot, because through this money, we were able to survive. I'm able to bring, like we say, bread home.

Eldar [00:14:20]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:14:21]:
And stability. Yeah. Stability. It makes me happy.

Eldar [00:14:24]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:14:24]:
And. But I don't know why I am not satisfied with just.

Eldar [00:14:31]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:14:32]:
This.

Eldar [00:14:33]:
What happens. What happens if we place it. The scenario that going forward, this job pays you $50 an hour. Can you. Can you imagine that? Tell me how that feels and tell me if that's. You're gonna have the same situation. Because I personally think that the amount of work that you do, for example, what you described. Right.

Eldar [00:14:49]:
And because they're not really appreciative. Right. $18 an hour is very little.

Asli [00:14:55]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:14:56]:
What if you got paid $50 an hour for the same work? You'll never get a thank you ever, but still do and work hard. Would you be okay?

Asli [00:15:04]:
I think for. For a couple of months, yes. But then it will be again the same situation.

Eldar [00:15:11]:
Really? See, I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Because $50 an hour provides a different opportunity outside of work.

Asli [00:15:23]:
But the problem is, that is my issue. But, like, my issue is also when I come out of work, come home, like, Dennis helps me crazy at home. Like, he washes the dishes, like, he prepares everything. Like, you know, if he. If he would be able to cook, he would even cook. But, like, I'm so exhausted that I don't want to even cook. I just want to go sleep, and then I'm like, no, I can't sleep because if I sleep, then I'm just like, missing the day and then it's just about, like work and, you know, I try to keep up and then I have a husband at home, wants also attention and I want also attention from him and, you know, I don't have any energy. You have to imagine I'm giving 9 hours straight to this little child.

Eldar [00:16:07]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:16:07]:
And it's just exhausting. It's just. It takes everything from me, you know, I enjoy the time with him.

Eldar [00:16:13]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:16:14]:
I teach and everything, but it's. It's. It's also, like, hard for me because, like, they're also constantly home.

Eldar [00:16:20]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:16:20]:
They have, like, everywhere cameras. One day they put away the camera, then the next day they put it again there. So I'm just feeling like, constantly, like this pressure and watched and, you know, like, as I'm. Yeah, I'm doing something wrong and then with this feeling, I try to work better to say, like, hey, I'm a good person. I won't do any harm to your child, or I won't. Still, like, few times it happened where they lost their earphones and did you see our earphones? Did you maybe, you know, maybe put it somewhere? No, but at the end they found it and they just put it somewhere, like misplaced it. It's just weird, you know?

Eldar [00:16:58]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:16:59]:
And it's. It's a lot of responsibility. I enjoy being with the baby. Like, I enjoy this process because I'm learning a lot.

Eldar [00:17:06]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:17:07]:
But two things at the same time and then having no break and I don't know when to make break. And, you know, you have to imagine I have to do everything like this, cleaning and washing the dishes, everything while the baby's awake. Because if he's sleeping and I do it while he's sleeping, I don't have any break because it's like a joker. He can wake up in ten minutes or in half an hour, but then you have a father that comes downstairs while I'm washing the dishes that says, oh, Astley wants to play with you. Right? You want to play. You want to play? Like, this pressure of like, should I do your dishes or should I play with you? Like what? What should I do? You know, this confusion and distress, it's like, overwhelming.

Eldar [00:17:50]:
So would you conclude based on everything you said, that you actually not a good babysitter?

Asli [00:17:54]:
I think I'm a good babysitter, but I think I'm not good at both balancing? Yeah.

Eldar [00:18:00]:
Okay.

Asli [00:18:01]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:18:01]:
I'm not interesting. There's a lot. Yeah, you see, though, what she said before, she said, okay, look, I do all this work, do all this craziness, and if the woman or the man comes to her and says, hey, thank you so much. That means a lot to me. Everything. Let's go. She feels good about it, and she's ready to do it again next day. Yeah.

Toliy [00:18:21]:
I don't know if this is a selfless, like, a too selfless problem.

Eldar [00:18:28]:
Yeah. Me.

Mike [00:18:28]:
Well, the selflessness probably is the end result, but it's driven from fear and probably.

Eldar [00:18:33]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:18:34]:
Something else.

Eldar [00:18:35]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:18:36]:
Yeah. Because the selflessness is the reaction to fear, I think, is.

Eldar [00:18:40]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:18:41]:
And the fear is probably rooted, like you said, in self esteem, especially.

Eldar [00:18:44]:
Especially if it's not worth. If. If she's saying that, uh, it comes like. Like in the beginning of the work, she gets this feeling of burst of a lot of energy wanting to do a lot. You know what I mean? Kind of prove herself.

Mike [00:18:56]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:18:56]:
You know what I mean? So she gets the energy, the surge of energy, which is then looks like it's selflessness, but a lot of times, probably she's maybe operating out of fear.

Mike [00:19:05]:
Yeah. Desperation.

Eldar [00:19:07]:
Desperation. Like you said that she needs to. She needs to get this done.

Asli [00:19:10]:
Mm hmm.

Eldar [00:19:10]:
She can do it, but not for long.

Mike [00:19:12]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:19:13]:
Right. She burns out.

Mike [00:19:14]:
Yes. Of course.

Eldar [00:19:15]:
You know, it starts to hurt. You know what I mean? That's why I think that, you know, answering the question why she think. Why does she think that just good is not good enough for her? Is an important one? I think that that's probably part of the self esteem situation. Then she has to overcompensate and almost prove to herself, prove to others that she's worthy of something.

Toliy [00:19:37]:
Yeah, yeah. It sounds like she's going into each job like. Like not knowing what she has to offer and maybe not doing it for the right reasons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, you're saying they're like, you can kind of kill yourself all day and, like, stretch yourself out all day, and if they just throw you, like, a thank you or, like, some appreciation, you're okay.

Asli [00:20:00]:
It's.

Asli [00:20:00]:
It's like they say, if she says at the end, like, thank you so much, like this.

Eldar [00:20:05]:
No, no. I'm gonna tell you what's happening.

Asli [00:20:07]:
It's. It's just when I clean the table, let's say it's there. They're very messy. Clean the table. I make the house perfect.

Eldar [00:20:14]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:20:14]:
Clean everything. And then they just destroy it.

Eldar [00:20:17]:
I'm a tea when this is gonna go, and I'm gonna say this out loud. She inside doesn't believe that they deserve.

Asli [00:20:23]:
Her goodness, I think. Yes. Yeah.

Mike [00:20:27]:
They're not grateful for everything that she does. They don't appreciate it.

Eldar [00:20:30]:
Right. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That if I start to make an advice, maybe for the future, you know, later down this podcast, but I would probably say, you know, advise her and say, you know, going forward might rate us $50 an hour, and this is, this is the things that I will.

Asli [00:20:44]:
Be doing, you know, and I'm scared of that. Of course you are so scared of that.

Eldar [00:20:48]:
Well, that's why you, that's why you.

Mike [00:20:50]:
That's why you're here.

Eldar [00:20:51]:
Yeah, that's why you're here. But this is America. This is where you, this is where you could potentially actualize yourself. Right. I mean, you can actualize yourself anywhere but in America, especially because, you know, you can explore different things. You could try different things. You can mess up a lot of things. You know what I mean? It's not some other countries where it's very difficult, you know, there's mafia and, you know, all these crazy laws.

Toliy [00:21:13]:
$18 is very low.

Asli [00:21:15]:
Yeah. But I have to say she, for example, when she cooks, she also cooks for me. Like, she puts food aside. She. When she does tea, she puts tea aside like, they're indian, so they're also like, I guess it's, it's in turkey, we have the two, like, we don't eat. Like, different. Like, completely different. She does these things.

Asli [00:21:37]:
So I try to say, like, oh, she does the cooking, so she gives me also food. So $18 is okay for me for the amount of, you know, this is how I try to save myself. And then also she comes sometimes, like, you know, I was thinking on the weekend, you're like a sister for me. You're like my little sister for me. And she comes in this emotional way.

Eldar [00:21:59]:
Yes.

Asli [00:21:59]:
And then I'm just stuck. I'm just like, that's, that's it.

Eldar [00:22:02]:
All these things.

Asli [00:22:04]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:22:04]:
The sentimental things. Yeah, that's right. That's right. And that's a trap. I'll tell you that right now. That's a trap. And that could be a forever trap.

Asli [00:22:13]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:22:14]:
For you. And, uh, what you're experiencing, honestly, anxiety, crying, depression are very good things right now. Very good. Yeah. Despite of what you think, these are your indicators that you're doing something wrong. These are your alarms.

Asli [00:22:30]:
Yeah, I know. I feel that.

Eldar [00:22:31]:
These are your alarms saying, hey, this is crazy. Something's wrong here.

Asli [00:22:36]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:22:36]:
Yeah. And this is what you're experiencing.

Asli [00:22:38]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:22:39]:
If you ignore them for long periods of time.

Asli [00:22:44]:
But the crazy thing is, you know.

Eldar [00:22:46]:
You can get lost, very lost.

Asli [00:22:47]:
That. The crazy thing is, like, I was telling Dennis, I feel those things, right. And then I try to wake up in the morning, I'm like, no. Like, what is so bad about, you know, doing all these things? Like, what is. What is so bad about, you know, washing the dishes and taking, at the same time, care of the baby? You can do it. No, you're not. You're not this person. You can do it.

Asli [00:23:10]:
Like, why would you cry over this? Like, where is the problem? I beat myself up.

Eldar [00:23:14]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:23:15]:
To say, like, no, the alarms, they don't mean anything. Maybe I'm just exaggerating in my mind, you know?

Eldar [00:23:20]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:23:21]:
Mm hmm.

Asli [00:23:21]:
So also there, I beat myself up.

Eldar [00:23:23]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:23:25]:
Yeah. It sounds also like. I think it's a part of. It is like a. Probably like a crisis identity kind of battle between the morning person, you know, who's a little bit more energized, versus the.

Eldar [00:23:38]:
Thank you.

Mike [00:23:39]:
Versus the, you know, night. The other person.

Eldar [00:23:42]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:23:43]:
The thing is, what is happening you have in the crisis, because one person inside you knows that what's happening is not right.

Asli [00:23:49]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:23:49]:
And the other person is tricking this other person. Say, yeah, this is right. We're getting money. They're giving us food.

Asli [00:23:55]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:23:56]:
We're bringing bread.

Mike [00:23:57]:
Yeah. Calling you a little sister. That person is gonna trick you to say, all the other stuff is okay.

Asli [00:24:03]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:24:04]:
And that's the fight you're having inside. That's why the crying. That's why the depression.

Asli [00:24:08]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:24:08]:
The two different identities that are within you are causing you to feel like this.

Asli [00:24:13]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:24:14]:
You know?

Mike [00:24:15]:
And.

Eldar [00:24:16]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:24:17]:
In the morning, you wake up, you feel rested. You have a different energy.

Eldar [00:24:20]:
Yeah. You know, you're a little bit more optimistic.

Mike [00:24:22]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:24:23]:
You have a little bit more energy, like you said. Yeah. And then you reconvince yourself. Right.

Mike [00:24:27]:
This is okay.

Eldar [00:24:28]:
That this is okay.

Asli [00:24:29]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:24:29]:
And then what happens again, you did the whole day. You did all that work. It's hard again. You realize you saw a lot of injustice with your eyes.

Asli [00:24:37]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:24:37]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:24:37]:
You realize that these people don't deserve you. You know what I mean? That they underpay you. They're not appreciative. This is a lot of work for one person.

Asli [00:24:45]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:24:45]:
You come home, you're like, what the fuck?

Asli [00:24:47]:
Yeah. This is how I'm like, what did I like? I say, what the fuck? This one part, it's like, what the fuck? Like, you did. So. And then the other part is like, no, you were just playing with the baby. No, everything is fine. You were sitting with the baby and then you had your five minutes break of eating. Like, what do you mean? You know?

Eldar [00:25:06]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:25:07]:
And then it's just these two people.

Mike [00:25:10]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:25:11]:
Where I'm just like, I don't know what's going on.

Eldar [00:25:14]:
Yeah. I mean, you have a conflict.

Mike [00:25:17]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:25:18]:
You clearly have a conflict.

Asli [00:25:19]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:25:20]:
Yeah. And, I mean, it's good that you came. Yeah.

Mike [00:25:23]:
We specialize in conflicts.

Eldar [00:25:25]:
Yeah, absolutely, we do. Doesn't mean that we're gonna solve it or you're gonna change your life.

Asli [00:25:30]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:25:30]:
But at least if you can raise awareness through this type of conversation, you can slowly start empowering yourself to change certain trajections in your life. You know what I mean? So then in the future, you're not going to be completely unhappy.

Asli [00:25:43]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:25:43]:
Because as you can see, it's already translating into your relationship life, for example, because you come home dead.

Asli [00:25:49]:
I'm dead.

Asli [00:25:50]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:25:50]:
You know what I mean? What are you offering now to your husband, for example? All right.

Asli [00:25:53]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:25:55]:
It's less and less and less because of the fact that you're not filling yourself up anymore. Right. Because you completely getting drained.

Asli [00:26:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:26:02]:
You know what I mean?

Asli [00:26:03]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:26:04]:
So, yeah, no, it's, uh. See how this question about selflessness actually stemming from something more deeper inside of you and why Ostley feels that she has to do just to behave the way she does.

Asli [00:26:18]:
It's almost also like, I'm seeing this little girl when she acts. When I came at the beginning, I was the self confident person. Like, she would like, is it okay when I do this?

Eldar [00:26:32]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Asli [00:26:32]:
Yeah, like this.

Eldar [00:26:33]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:26:33]:
And then I just. At a certain.

Eldar [00:26:35]:
Slowly, slowly, slowly fall. Yes.

Asli [00:26:38]:
And then I'm this little girl.

Asli [00:26:40]:
He.

Asli [00:26:40]:
Is it okay if I'm changing?

Eldar [00:26:42]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:26:42]:
You're asking her.

Eldar [00:26:44]:
Yeah, 100%.

Mike [00:26:46]:
And because the energy, you. You burn too much energy trying to do a lot of stuff.

Asli [00:26:52]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:26:52]:
And then your energy for keeping yourself, preserving yourself, you didn't have the energy for it.

Asli [00:26:57]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:26:57]:
To fight that, to say, y'all, I can't do this.

Eldar [00:26:59]:
This is too much.

Mike [00:27:00]:
Fuck that. I'm not doing this.

Asli [00:27:01]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:27:02]:
I can't say because you didn't save enough energy for yourself to say no.

Asli [00:27:05]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:27:05]:
And now you actually feel guilty for saying no, you didn't come on Sunday. What?

Asli [00:27:10]:
Yes. I felt like. Oh, shit.

Asli [00:27:12]:
No.

Eldar [00:27:13]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:27:13]:
Like, it's just like a. I don't know if it's like a. Like. Like if it's. I don't want to call. I'm not sure if it's the right way to call it. But, like, it might be, like, an immigrant, for example, thing. Like, a mentality, right? Like.

Toliy [00:27:31]:
Like, for example, like. Like, she might be grateful, for example, for, like, the situation that she's in. So it's like, even if shit is going bad, bad, like, the last form of defense will be, like, this gratefulness to be at least in a position that, like, she's in, for example, now and then it's, like, a thing where it's, like, she can never get self confidence in herself to progress her life forward.

Eldar [00:27:58]:
Mm hmm.

Toliy [00:27:59]:
Because, like, it's a protection but a blocker at the same time.

Eldar [00:28:02]:
Mm hmm.

Toliy [00:28:03]:
Like. Like, for example, I think, like, this is the case with, like, our parents. Great. For example, at times, right. Where it's just, like, they don't feel that, like, they can be this, like. Like, I don't know, get these, like, better jobs, right? Or, like, do these better things and stuff like that. They kind of. Kind of stay where they are at and, like.

Eldar [00:28:20]:
And they put themselves down, say themselves. I wasn't one here. I don't know the language.

Toliy [00:28:24]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:28:24]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:28:24]:
I'm already kind of good. Like, you know, like that. And, like, it protects them from going into the gutter.

Eldar [00:28:30]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:28:30]:
Then it also, like, caps your progress of, like, where you won't ever move up because you'll never feel that, like, your self esteem will not be, like, high enough to move up.

Asli [00:28:42]:
Like, I don't know if that makes sense. I know exactly what you mean. I see that, for example, also with my parents, but with me, I know, like, I didn't. What I told Dennis, like, before this job, like, let's put this aside like, this, people. But, like, I didn't want to go again and work in a coffee shop because I was like, no, I'm gonna do something better and get better pee and do babysitting because I read a lot and there are, like, good stuff and whatever. So I put myself in this situation. But the issue is here. How do I say it's not about that? I don't think I can get something better.

Asli [00:29:26]:
I think after this job, 100%, I will get something better. 100%, I will get something better paid. Like, I will raise my value. But it's just, like, paradox how my mind thinks. I'm so scared to kind of, like, deeply lose this job, even if it's not well paid, even if I'm not happy.

Toliy [00:29:56]:
And why is that?

Asli [00:29:58]:
I don't understand it. I don't even know.

Toliy [00:30:00]:
I. I think. I think the why is, like. Like, it started off from what you said in the beginning of the conversation. You said, they're like, oh, I'm getting 18 back in Australia. I was getting eight. I mean, think about that. That's a crazy, huge disparity, but it's.

Eldar [00:30:15]:
Also justified in our head.

Toliy [00:30:16]:
It's justified. That's why, like, it's not a consideration. Oh, you're in a different country. In the richest county in New Jersey, one of the richest, like, towns. Right. And then, like, actually, what 18 is here for, what you're doing now is, like, $4 in Austria.

Asli [00:30:34]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Asli [00:30:36]:
That's. That's. That's, like, crazy for my mind, because I thought, like, oh, yes, it's already a lot.

Eldar [00:30:41]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:30:42]:
So she's willing to take all the abuse and everything that comes with it because she's kind of capping herself by saying that she is already getting way more than, like, yeah, what. What she's used to.

Eldar [00:30:52]:
Correct. And you also gotta send that she's bound by what? Responsibility.

Toliy [00:30:56]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:30:57]:
She moved to America. She has to get a job because she has to have the bills and bring the bread.

Toliy [00:31:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:31:03]:
Right. And obviously, I wasn't present during the conversations with you and Dennis having about money and finances, but I'm pretty sure. Right. Dennis was probably a promoter of this as well. Like, yeah, absolutely. 18 is very good. You know what I mean? Because he knows it's going to be consistent money. Right.

Eldar [00:31:21]:
Coming in. Regardless of what you do, just do it, because this is the most important thing to do, is to survive.

Asli [00:31:26]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:31:27]:
You see? Yeah, yeah, I know his mentality.

Mike [00:31:30]:
Of course. Yeah. I think that's what he was.

Toliy [00:31:32]:
Yeah. There just has. Which, again, in some situations, could be correct. I mean, like, it could be at the moment if people are desperate. Like, it could be the right thing to do in that moment, but there needs to be a progression off of that. Like, once you have your place to stay, your food, you have clothing, you have your basic needs met. There needs to be a level up eventually.

Eldar [00:31:57]:
If there isn't.

Toliy [00:31:59]:
If there isn't, the same thing will happen over and over.

Asli [00:32:01]:
The issue here is, I mean, Dennis will listen to this, but I'm sorry. He was saying, for example, you know, he has his own dreams, and I support them, but then he was like, until I achieve this, my goal, you can work, like, one, two years as a babysitter. But I'm like, I don't want to do this, like, one or two years. This is, like, for a period of time where, you know, it just holds me for a little bit, but once I get my work permission, yeah, I want to change to something that I want to do or maybe I want to do my own business, but it's like I somehow. He doesn't do it on purpose. He thinks good, he. That he does it with good thoughts. But I have my personal issue.

Eldar [00:32:50]:
They're not the same.

Asli [00:32:51]:
They're not the same. Yeah. I'm like, I can't, I feel like if I do this, like, 2323 years, let's say after three years, I also want to get pregnant, have my own child, but I'm like, I didn't have a break. Yeah, I didn't have zero breaks. Like, I'm, I'm the mother now of this child. Like, she barely looks at him. I'm playing a mother role right now and I'm not basically ready to be a mother right now. And then again, jump in another role.

Asli [00:33:18]:
Like, I'm basically like a woman that has to take these roles. I don't want to do that. And also the issue of this work also is she wanted me to actually start when I landed, when I landed here. And I told her, okay, I can do it the second day for a trial. And then I didn't have a break. I came, work, married you, all this thing moved and then. No, I have no break. Yeah, exactly.

Asli [00:33:50]:
Yeah. I had no breaks for, for my mind. So, yeah, I'm not even realizing sometimes that I'm, that I'm married. I'm not realizing. My mind is sometimes thinking, oh, we're gonna go back. This is our three months.

Eldar [00:34:02]:
You know?

Asli [00:34:03]:
I just don't realize because things just, like, I got soaked in so fast that now I'm just like, empty. My tank is over and I don't know where to get the tank, you know?

Eldar [00:34:14]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

Mike [00:34:16]:
I had a, I was thinking about a question. Will this problem always persist when you're doing things that you're not, you don't find, like, a happiness or purpose in, you know?

Eldar [00:34:26]:
Well, that's it. That's a big question. But I think it sounds like at least what she's saying is like, hey, like, I kind of didn't plan this for myself.

Mike [00:34:33]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:34:34]:
It's almost sounds like somebody else planned it for her. Yeah. Now she's living in this out because she has to.

Mike [00:34:39]:
She has.

Eldar [00:34:39]:
Now she signed up. She's like, okay. Kind of, you know what I mean? She gave away her power.

Mike [00:34:44]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:34:45]:
Right. And now she's depleted and she's like, oh, wait, I'm here naked like, I want. I want my power back. Please give me. Give it back to me. Right. And then she doesn't know what to do, because now she. She has the guilty conscience, she has the responsibilities, and everything else has been mentally been put on her as pressure.

Eldar [00:35:00]:
You know what I mean? And you are where you are where you're supposed to be here.

Asli [00:35:04]:
I say, yeah, yeah.

Asli [00:35:06]:
It's also, you know, Dennis supports me, of course. He says, like, you know, march, we get, like, more payment, and then he's like, take this money and take it for a break. For, like, a month. Break. And then you look. But this one month is going to be exactly the same issue, which is, like, survival mode. Find something. Find something or you're gonna have.

Asli [00:35:25]:
And then I'm gonna jump in the same sheet hole that I jumped before and then before and before. And I finally want to do something where I don't see it fully as work, but something as, like, my passion or something that I enjoy to do, but I don't know, like, yeah, you're right. Like, I think I'm not deserving it. Like, somehow some part of me feels like there is nothing existing that would satisfy me because this is.

Asli [00:35:51]:
This.

Asli [00:35:52]:
The job will never be perfect.

Toliy [00:35:53]:
Yes. I also don't. Don't even think that you can, like, enjoy something right now that you like.

Asli [00:36:01]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:36:02]:
Because, like, I think that, like, if you don't pair that with the. With the self would, like, with, like, taking care of the self esteem part.

Asli [00:36:09]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:36:10]:
Of it, the. The same things are gonna happen.

Asli [00:36:13]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:36:14]:
Like, you just might have, like, a bigger. Like, a rubber band for how much this can stretch because you enjoy it, but you're gonna overextend yourself in those places. You're gonna eventually run into those same problems again, and then you're gonna be at the same place. It might be a bit better for a bit longer because you enjoy some of the work, but you're probably gonna get to a point where you're not even gonna be able to enjoy it because of that. Because you feel that, like, you're not deserving, that you don't have any skills, that you're not enough. And I think a lot of people feel what you're feeling, and they just kind of. They have their responsibilities, and then 20, 30, 40 years pass, you know?

Asli [00:36:58]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:36:58]:
And then. Yeah, that's it. And I think that, like, you know, you already started this pattern of justifying, like you said into your mind that this is okay and this how supposed to be. You even said, hey, like, you know, you wake up in the morning, you said, oh, it's just babysitting. It's just you just looking at after the baby. You see, you, you took a very important role, which is babysitting, which I think is very important in child's development. You know what I mean? Especially doing it right. You know what I mean? And you minimized it and you sold, you, you sold yourself out pretty much.

Eldar [00:37:30]:
You know what I mean? We're like, you're not that important. I say, it's just babysitting. You're not doing anything.

Asli [00:37:34]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:37:35]:
This is what you're telling yourself. So $18 is enough? No thank yous is enough. And she's giving me soup. So I guess it's okay. Yeah, because you're really not doing anything. I say you're starting to slowly tell yourself this, that it's just babysitting. And soon it will just become babysitting. It's probably already becoming just babysitting for you and what you're actually doing because you don't have the same passion, the same drive anymore, that same selfless energy.

Asli [00:38:02]:
Now it's, yeah, I lose it in romance. When I look at the baby, I'm like, oh, don't, don't, don't do it. Don't. Like, I get angry to the baby.

Eldar [00:38:11]:
Yes.

Asli [00:38:12]:
Because, like, he behaves in a certain, certain way because, like, I couldn't do my stuff, you know? And actually he's, he's, he plays a very important role in that because he shows me actually, like, hey, you know, one, once, once in the week, I have like, moments. Okay, this is the moment I'm gonna praise right now. I'm gonna, I have to go to her and tell her, like, I need, I need immediately a break. I'm gonna crazy. Like, it's up till here and I feel it here on my chest. Sundays is the worst day. I have no Sundays because it's from morning when I wake up. Anxiety for tomorrow already.

Eldar [00:38:46]:
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And for sure.

Asli [00:38:48]:
And Friday, Saturday, I don't want to sleep because I'm like, no, I should not pass. It should not pass. No, no, no. You know, like, I just constantly feel this anxiety and I'm just tired of it.

Eldar [00:38:57]:
I said, well, right now, since you're thinking, try to remember, try to remember that these indicators, the feelings that you have are very good. Very good. It is. But they telling you, they're your indicators to tell you that you're doing something wrong. And until you change it, they're gonna keep visiting you.

Asli [00:39:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:39:17]:
You understand?

Mike [00:39:18]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:39:19]:
They're very important, and they're gonna teach you if you allow it. Yeah.

Toliy [00:39:23]:
And the good thing for you is that you don't have to think about whether, like, they're gonna come or not. Like, they're gonna come.

Eldar [00:39:30]:
They're coming.

Toliy [00:39:31]:
They're gonna come no matter what, until you do something.

Eldar [00:39:33]:
Until you do something.

Asli [00:39:36]:
But what can I. What? Like, what can I do? Like, I don't know.

Eldar [00:39:40]:
Yeah, that's the next step.

Asli [00:39:42]:
Yeah. It's just like, I.

Eldar [00:39:44]:
This is where. This is where this session becomes a paid session. Now, you have to pay us $2,000 to give you the answer.

Toliy [00:39:49]:
Per hour.

Asli [00:39:50]:
Per hour. Yeah, Dennis, listen.

Mike [00:39:54]:
Yeah, Dennis.

Eldar [00:39:55]:
You know, send a check, go to work.

Asli [00:39:57]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:39:59]:
Yeah. No, no, of course not. Of course not. Yeah. No. That's a very good question. What can you do? Yeah. You.

Eldar [00:40:08]:
I don't like. I don't know your character as much. You know what I mean? But you gotta fight. You gotta fight to save Osley. You have to fight. You know? And there's that. Definitely. We can discuss some of the things that you can do in order to save yourself.

Eldar [00:40:23]:
Otherwise, you're gonna be, you know, an anxious, depressed person who's. Who's probably one day is gonna say, you know what? Fuck this american shit. I'm out. I had enough. This is crazy. You're gonna blame it on America? You're gonna blame it on your marriage or everything else. And rightfully so, because a lot of times, people that are under a lot of pressure. Anxiety, depression, stuff like that, they can't see things clearly, so they will make incorrect conclusions as well, for their life.

Eldar [00:40:52]:
You know what I'm saying?

Asli [00:40:53]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:40:54]:
Doesn't mean that you're gonna go Austria now. Your whole life is gonna change.

Asli [00:40:57]:
Nice.

Eldar [00:40:57]:
You're gonna probably have the same patterns and stuff.

Asli [00:40:59]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:41:00]:
You know what I mean? But hopefully, you can learn the lesson now, you know?

Asli [00:41:07]:
Yeah. I want to do something about it. Like, I really. Like, it was, I think, two days ago where I just, like, exploded and I just cried and, you know, I. I know that Dennis is also feeling it, and I also don't want to drag him in, because every time, you know, work was shit. Work was like this. Like, I don't want to be that person because I'm not that person. I'm right now this person.

Eldar [00:41:30]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:41:31]:
But, like, I want to become better. I want to change. That's why I'm also here, but I just don't know how.

Eldar [00:41:38]:
Okay, good. We can. We can try. We can try some stuff. We'll see whether or not you really want to change or not.

Toliy [00:41:44]:
Yeah. Yeah. I think a big question that you'll probably have to, like, ask yourself is that, do you want these things to change? Or, like, do you want to, like, please the people at your job?

Eldar [00:42:05]:
Appease means please them.

Asli [00:42:08]:
No, I don't want to play this role anymore. Like, I'm tired of this role because I, like, I'm observing myself while I'm playing this role, and I'm just, like. I'm tired of it, and it's just, like, automatic right now, and I just want to stop it.

Eldar [00:42:22]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:42:22]:
And. And have the. How do you say the things in my hand, you know, like a controller over it, because I don't know, control I have is, like, watching it, but not the real control because.

Eldar [00:42:35]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:42:36]:
I get too emotional with the people.

Eldar [00:42:39]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:42:39]:
In the work thing, and then they can have for me whatever they want.

Eldar [00:42:44]:
That's right. That's right.

Asli [00:42:45]:
And I don't want to have that. I want to be able to say, hey, are you ready?

Eldar [00:42:50]:
Are you ready to quit?

Asli [00:42:52]:
I think I am.

Eldar [00:42:53]:
Okay, good.

Asli [00:42:54]:
I think I am. Of course. This anxiety of, like, oh, God, what happens next? What's gonna happen? You know? How do we survive? Like. Like, I don't want. Because I don't want to put all the weight on Dennis, you know?

Eldar [00:43:08]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:43:08]:
I want him to breathe right now, to be able to do whatever he wants to.

Eldar [00:43:14]:
But you're expensive. Your health.

Asli [00:43:16]:
Well, no, he also says the same.

Asli [00:43:18]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:43:19]:
Yeah. And I think if he was here, you probably say that.

Asli [00:43:21]:
Right?

Eldar [00:43:22]:
Like, if it's gonna be at this expense, anxiety, depression, being sad all the time, have no energy and stuff like that. Self esteem is going lower every day. That's it. No blame. I think if you're ready to quit. If you're ready to quit. Right. And he can hold it down.

Eldar [00:43:41]:
We can take a very strong stance at your job here. Very strong stance.

Toliy [00:43:45]:
But you're not gonna like it.

Asli [00:43:47]:
Really?

Eldar [00:43:48]:
Right now, do you do a good job?

Asli [00:43:51]:
I believe that I'm doing a good job.

Eldar [00:43:54]:
Right. For some reason, you're giving me the vibes that you do do a good job. Something tells me. Yes.

Asli [00:44:01]:
But.

Eldar [00:44:03]:
But we need to define what is. What are you worth for these people. They make a lot of money.

Asli [00:44:12]:
I mean, they want to hire a second person or a night person. So I think.

Eldar [00:44:16]:
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you could come up with a plan. We can come up with a plan. Okay. Of action, of what you're going to be doing for this family. And how it's going to look like something that you're very comfortable with, meaning the duties and then you're going to put a number on it.

Eldar [00:44:34]:
What you want out of.

Asli [00:44:36]:
It's like for me it's even better to go in silent than confronting them.

Eldar [00:44:44]:
I see.

Toliy [00:44:44]:
So you see there's no problem with.

Asli [00:44:46]:
The uncomfortability of like. Because I know what's going to happen.

Eldar [00:44:51]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:44:51]:
If they gonna say yes, I know exactly what's gonna happen. What's gonna happen. Things like you might break your own.

Toliy [00:44:58]:
Rules, you might feel better. No, no. You might what's called make more money.

Asli [00:45:04]:
No, that's not that. That's not the issue. The issue is gonna be I'm gonna come every day in a more uncomfortable situation.

Eldar [00:45:12]:
That's what you think?

Asli [00:45:13]:
Which is going to be if the baby sleeps 1 hour, which is like once a week it happens and I take my break 1 hour, they're gonna come like oh listen, you actually clean the oven.

Eldar [00:45:23]:
Listen, actually you see what you're doing right now? You're not allowing me to work. You're not allowing me to work because I can define this whole job from your knowledge. You know the job, correct?

Asli [00:45:34]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:45:35]:
You know the time, every time slot. You know already there's going to be no surprises here. We can really define it, outline it the way we want it to be outlined. If your out, your lunch break is from twelve to one, that's your lunch break from twelve to one. At 101, you back at work 100%, you know what I'm saying? And if you stick to that, you respect yourself and they start respecting you on top, they paying you more money. We can define this very clearly and you have to stick to it and you have to be proud that you're sticking to it. And then when somebody says to you, oh astley, go back to work, you're going to say, oh, it's 1255, I have five more minutes. And when you say that, you're going to realize that you've grown inside and you've empowered yourself to respect yourself.

Eldar [00:46:21]:
You're going to say no, whatever their name is. Do you have a problem with if they say they're not going to be able to say anything because we have an agreement. You have a problem with that? That's it. We don't have no more respectful relationship. We have to part ways, we have to go. And when you leave you're going to realize that you've grown so much that you're going to ready for a new challenge in life.

Asli [00:46:43]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:46:43]:
That's what I told Dennis. I said, I don't want to leave this job without that. I did what I had to do in all of the other jobs, which is learning to say no or setting my boundaries, because in the next job I'm going to say it again and repeat it again. You know, that's my only, that's why.

Eldar [00:47:04]:
I asked you, are you ready to go quit? You said yes. So if you're ready to quit, Osley, if you're ready to quit, then you should definitely quit with a bang. For yourself? Yeah, for yourself.

Mike [00:47:17]:
You have to stand up to the other person who's living inside you. You having the person that's fighting you saying, oh, it's okay, they pay me to give me soup. You have to say, fuck off. You're not gonna control my life anymore. So you're fighting soup.

Eldar [00:47:31]:
You don't want my own soup.

Mike [00:47:32]:
You want money, more money, that actually what you're worth. Because seems to me you're working very hard and you definitely sound like you're underpaid. You don't have any breaks. So what you have, but you have to do that by standing up for yourself, which is your true self against the other person who's telling you that you're not worth enough.

Asli [00:47:50]:
Yeah.

Mike [00:47:51]:
And by behaving the way the elder is suggesting, that is going to help you to learn actually your own self worth and your own values so that you don't do this kind of stuff, you know?

Asli [00:48:03]:
Yeah, it's true.

Asli [00:48:03]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:48:05]:
And you will probably be much better at your job.

Eldar [00:48:08]:
Correct.

Asli [00:48:08]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:48:08]:
Because you're gonna see, correct. You're gonna have, you're gonna be empowered. You're gonna be empowered finally to know what to expect from yourself and what to expect from them.

Asli [00:48:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:48:18]:
And when people on the same page, trust me, it's a much better relationship. There's respect, you know what I'm saying?

Asli [00:48:25]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:48:25]:
Now it's a matter of selling yourself properly. Say, this is what I do, this is what I'm very good at, this is what I don't want to do. And this is how it's going to be. And this is how much I cost. These are my vacation days, and this is the time of maybe I can help you out on Saturday. Maybe these are your choices going forward.

Asli [00:48:41]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:48:42]:
So we go back to the fact that when it started in the beginning, when you first arrived, she said, hey, ase, is it okay if we do this? She was asking, it's going to go back to that. If it doesn't go back to that, you lose, you're gonna have anxiety. You're gonna have depression.

Asli [00:48:55]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:48:55]:
And you're gonna be sad. You know what I'm saying?

Asli [00:48:58]:
Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Yeah.

Eldar [00:49:02]:
Are you ready for something like that, or you still want to go learn a little bit more?

Asli [00:49:05]:
No.

Eldar [00:49:06]:
From anxiety.

Asli [00:49:07]:
I have to. I have to. I have. It's so tough right now to face it. Like, to do it, but I have to do it. Like, I really have to do it.

Eldar [00:49:16]:
Yeah. Listen, you prove a lot of people wrong if you do do it, you know, because a lot of people get scared of this kind of stuff.

Asli [00:49:23]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:49:23]:
You know, a lot of people just go with the flow. Guilt.

Asli [00:49:28]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:49:28]:
You know what I mean? Same stuff. You know what I mean? That's a very big flow.

Asli [00:49:31]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:49:32]:
You know? And if you go against it, it's courageous.

Asli [00:49:35]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Asli [00:49:37]:
I have to finally take the ropes.

Eldar [00:49:40]:
Yeah. Like, otherwise, say bye to Ashley.

Asli [00:49:45]:
Yeah. I realized, like, if I don't. Don't think about myself. Like, I'm watching these people. They're not thinking about me. They're not thinking, oh, did you meet actually, like.

Eldar [00:49:53]:
Absolutely not. Absolutely nobody will. Nobody will ask. Nobody in this life will.

Asli [00:49:58]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:49:59]:
They're not supposed to.

Asli [00:50:00]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:50:00]:
They have their own problems.

Asli [00:50:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:50:02]:
They're sick people. Honestly, they know how to make money.

Asli [00:50:05]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:50:05]:
Now they're gonna have to pay. You know what I'm saying? To have good people around them.

Asli [00:50:10]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:50:10]:
It's a normal, normal phenomenon. You have to pay for it. $18 an hour. So you. You and Dennis sit down at the end of the week and count what you can. What kind of orange juice you can buy. Organic or not organic. For what? For all the stress and anxiety that you do and all the work that you do.

Toliy [00:50:27]:
My sister gets $16 an hour to.

Eldar [00:50:29]:
Pick up the phone at a pizza place.

Toliy [00:50:32]:
You want pepperoni, cheese? Okay. With the coke. Okay, we'll bring it soon. Okay. What do you want? Stromboli pasta. Okay, we'll bring it soon.

Eldar [00:50:40]:
And you have a responsibility to raise a child for $2. Human being. A human being.

Toliy [00:50:47]:
And my sister is 18.

Eldar [00:50:49]:
You understand? You understand what you're saying?

Asli [00:50:52]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:50:52]:
And then they taking away the time from you being a good babysitter who can really give something and pour the soul and the goodness that of your heart into this kid, and they telling you, go make coffee. Yes. This is how you want to waste your precious time on coffee.

Asli [00:51:09]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:51:10]:
My mom was funny. My mom was saying the same thing. She's like, they have such a big opportunity to raise this child with love because her aunt was, was seeing me and she's like, you raised this child like you treat him with love, care. I see how the baby's acting, but then they choose a coffee.

Eldar [00:51:30]:
That's right.

Asli [00:51:31]:
Or dishes over the time with your baby over the screen.

Eldar [00:51:34]:
They got it all wrong. I see.

Asli [00:51:36]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:51:36]:
And that's why internally you don't. You feel because you have goodness in you, you feel that they don't deserve this.

Asli [00:51:42]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:51:43]:
And that's why you don't want to do it.

Asli [00:51:44]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:51:46]:
They are also just to say they are this type of people where he's not eating well, they will go to the doctor every time. Doctor says you have to call the hospital to get food training for him because your baby is not eating, your baby is not sleeping because you're still having the baby beside you. He has to, has his own bed in her own room. You know, all these things. Not following. He's still saying, like, let's give a try. Two weeks. Like, you have to still wait six months to get the appointment for the hospital from the hospital.

Asli [00:52:22]:
You still want to wait two more weeks. You're not listening to me. That the baby's Alec. I'm telling every day, your child, he didn't eat anything. Oh, let's try this. He didn't eat it. He didn't eat. Like, it's like so ignorant.

Asli [00:52:35]:
And the frustration in me is like, why am I working for these ignorant people? You know, and I have to take care of the baby who is crying, who is unhappy. And, you know, he usually takes, for example, I gave him like proper sleep. So on the day he has three naps, he comes to me yesterday and says, you know what, forget the third nap. Because he wakes up at 640 45 and we actually want to sleep a little bit longer. So forget the third nap. What about your baby? Like, your sleep when you, when you made this baby, you have to be known that you're gonna have this. You know, you're gonna have these issues.

Eldar [00:53:11]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:53:12]:
It's like they love comfort, they love ignoring things. It's. And that frustrates me, you know?

Eldar [00:53:19]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:53:21]:
So I have to do something against it.

Eldar [00:53:24]:
Yeah, if you want to.

Asli [00:53:26]:
Yeah, if you want to.

Eldar [00:53:27]:
If you want to, then, yeah, you should. That we should definitely talk about it, you know, come up with a plan.

Asli [00:53:31]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:53:32]:
If you want to help, then you can, you know, it's very important time in your life.

Asli [00:53:38]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:53:38]:
Very important time. As you can see, if it's special. There's been a pattern, like you said in your other jobs, you're doing the same stuff. Yeah. If you want to break it, it's time to break it. You should break it.

Asli [00:53:48]:
Yeah.

Toliy [00:53:48]:
But remember that this is afternoon.

Eldar [00:53:50]:
Honestly speaking, you're tired right now, right?

Asli [00:53:54]:
Me? No, I'm good.

Mike [00:53:55]:
I'm good.

Eldar [00:53:56]:
Tomorrow, you're gonna wake up. Like, what? That was a philosophy club.

Asli [00:54:04]:
I really need it. Like, there is moments where Dennis says it very well, where they're just, like, patting me. I'm like, ah, it's okay. You know, I can still go on. It's fine. But I have to stay strong, especially in those tricky moments where she comes to me, like, last week, she's like, hey, asi, I just wanted to ask you, like, how do you feel about the baby? How do you feel with us? And, like, say it. I'm like, I'm happy, you know, baby's also great. You guys are, you know.

Eldar [00:54:35]:
Well, it sounds like she gives you the opportunities to get out as well. Right. To get out of this thing. Right. So next time the opportunity presents itself, I mean, you should probably definitely take advantage of it and actually have a conversation.

Asli [00:54:46]:
Yeah, I have to. I wanted to have it yesterday, but.

Eldar [00:54:50]:
Then you weren't ready yet. Oh, yeah. You have to get empowered a little bit.

Mike [00:54:54]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:54:57]:
Because I'm so scared of the moment that you. Yeah. But, like, this is because for them, I understand them. Four months, they're just working. They don't know what's going on internally, you know, like, what I'm going through with all of this. This stuff. And so I'm gonna pop up one day and say, like, hey, actually, you know, I'm very unhappy.

Eldar [00:55:16]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:55:17]:
And I actually don't want to do this. But you were. You were dealing with it. You were. Okay.

Eldar [00:55:21]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:55:21]:
Happy.

Eldar [00:55:21]:
Yeah. I can explain. You could. That's the thing. You have to be empowered enough to be able to explain. If you're challenged, you have to be able to have a honest conversation.

Asli [00:55:30]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:55:31]:
And not be afraid of that. You have to be able to speak.

Asli [00:55:34]:
That's where it stops. Like, I get, like, a block.

Eldar [00:55:38]:
I get it.

Mike [00:55:39]:
That's why you gotta bring out, like, a folder with your proposal. Your new proposal.

Eldar [00:55:44]:
Well, no, 100%. It's not only that, but also be able to, you know, if they challenge her, she has to be able to answer back to them, is to say, okay, yeah, I understand that. But that's because, you know, I was this. I was this, I was this. But now I've worked on myself. I realized what I needed to do, and I can be actually a much better babysitter for your kid. Much better. What? You're gonna have to understand that they're gonna be winning here.

Toliy [00:56:04]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:56:05]:
From this. They're gonna be even happier because you're gonna bring structure into your home. Actually, what's her name? Oh, no, no. Don't say it. Actually, let's just say mary.

Asli [00:56:15]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:56:15]:
Right. To be honest with you, these are the things that you're doing wrong, and this is the reasons why you have this. I'm here at home, and I observe everything. I know everything about the family. If you do this, this, and this, your baby will be happier, your husband will be happier, you will be happier. Going forward. Going forward, I'm not going to be just a babysitter. I'm going to be your family therapist, because I'm the one who's in the trenches.

Eldar [00:56:40]:
I see everything. You understand. And potentially, if you get this right, asti, this is your business. Going forward, you will start a new babysitting business, and you will train babysitters to make sure that this is the type of service that they provide, the proper service, not where they're just little 18 year old college girls coming over there, smoked up in weed on weed. You know what I mean? Sitting there watching their kids while the kids are playing on a tablet.

Asli [00:57:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:57:06]:
You know what I'm saying?

Asli [00:57:07]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:57:08]:
This is how this type of good services start. You know what I mean? When people aren't happy, they realize that they're unhappy. They do something about it. They change it. Right. They win. You know, they stand up for themselves. Then they.

Eldar [00:57:22]:
They blossom. They become actualized. They become happy, and they get inspired then to do something greater, something bigger. But first, it starts with you.

Asli [00:57:31]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:57:32]:
We gonna. You're gonna be a creator or an entrepreneur when you sad, depressed, and have anxiety. Can't do anything.

Asli [00:57:38]:
No, I can't.

Eldar [00:57:39]:
Can't do anything. You're young right now. You're just gonna keep getting older.

Asli [00:57:44]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:57:45]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:57:45]:
It gets tougher.

Eldar [00:57:46]:
It's gonna get tougher.

Asli [00:57:47]:
It gets.

Eldar [00:57:48]:
It's gonna get tougher. There's gonna be more needs and more things. But if, you know, if you want to take this job very seriously, then you need to sit down and really have that conversation with yourself, with Dennis, with us, if you want, and really outline what role Asti is gonna play in these people's lives and how much that role actually is worth. You know what I'm saying?

Asli [00:58:09]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:58:10]:
That's a serious conversation. It's a very serious conversation. And if you can have it, even if they don't understand you. Even if you sit down and they don't understand you and say, you know what? We're not. We don't want to do this, you will realize that you've won anyway because of the fact that you were able to speak all this stuff out. Say it and leave with your own dignity.

Asli [00:58:31]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:58:32]:
Your own dignity, which is very important here. Like you said, you want to leave. If you're going to leave, you have to leave properly.

Mike [00:58:38]:
Yes.

Eldar [00:58:39]:
If you leave like a little mouse.

Asli [00:58:40]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:58:41]:
With your mouth shut, you're not going to learn the lesson.

Asli [00:58:43]:
No, no.

Mike [00:58:45]:
The lesson is worth much more than any money they can give you.

Eldar [00:58:49]:
Correct.

Mike [00:58:49]:
And if you do it right, then you'll be sad. In this field.

Eldar [00:58:53]:
This is a very good. This is a very good practice for you. This is a very good opportunity for you to really, you know, set yourself up for a good life. Yeah. Very good.

Asli [00:59:03]:
I actually wanted to do it yesterday because. Yeah, you would have failed for myself, it felt so good.

Eldar [00:59:10]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:59:11]:
I imagine seeing everything.

Eldar [00:59:13]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:59:13]:
You know, I imagine my hat feels, like, great. I'm like, yeah. You know, even if she. She will understand me, you know? It's okay. I'm gonna say, like, from. I was cleaning always, like, Monday and Friday. Now she wants me to clean every day, like, every day back, you know?

Eldar [00:59:29]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:59:29]:
And it's actually a lot for me to clean every day.

Eldar [00:59:31]:
Yeah.

Asli [00:59:32]:
And then I'm like, you're gonna tell it to her? I'm like, yeah, but actually, it's not. It's not a lot. No, you're exaggerating. It's. It's. It's. Yeah, I might be.

Eldar [00:59:44]:
Welcome to the world of anxiety.

Asli [00:59:46]:
Oh, it's terrible. I hate it.

Eldar [00:59:48]:
Welcome. You know what I mean? When you sit down, you relax. Your reason comes in and explains everything to you, and you understand that you're right.

Asli [00:59:56]:
Yeah.

Eldar [00:59:57]:
But then tomorrow when you wake up, something else is telling you. No, no, no.

Asli [01:00:01]:
Yeah. This other.

Eldar [01:00:02]:
This other thing. Yeah. And that's the world where, you know, a lot of people will have cognitive dissonance, you know?

Asli [01:00:09]:
But does it ever go away or do you have.

Eldar [01:00:13]:
When you live in. According to the truth, it does go away. You feel good. You want to wake up every day and go to the family and see the kid.

Asli [01:00:21]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:00:22]:
Because you. You know how you feel. You know what you're doing. You have purpose behind it. Yeah, absolutely. But right now, you don't have shit. $18 an hour in free soup, and people that don't really care what kind.

Mike [01:00:33]:
Of soup we'll come over.

Eldar [01:00:36]:
You know what I'm saying? You ain't got shit. You got nothing. And this is what you're doing for $18 an hour. Think about it. So worth it.

Asli [01:00:48]:
No, not for myself.

Mike [01:00:51]:
Not for your life, not for your health.

Eldar [01:00:53]:
So that's what I'm saying. What you need to do is you need to reinvent Ostley as the babysitter and really redefine what is it going to look like. And then you go and you propose it. And I bet you when, if they don't take it, if they don't take it, you take that same proposal on the next job interview with a babysitter, when you sit down and you show them, this is what. This is what I'm worth and this is what it is. Some people will understand you. If I had a kid, you came to me like that, I would understand you. This is who I want.

Asli [01:01:24]:
Then he said the same thing yesterday. You also said the same exact thing.

Asli [01:01:28]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:01:29]:
Not in such good words, though.

Asli [01:01:30]:
It's impossible. He said it good. I have to say.

Eldar [01:01:36]:
Fine, fine. But he was probably fucking doing a whole bunch of fucking, you know what I'm saying? Like diagramming shit. Connect the dots here, there, there. Oh, yeah, this is the thing. Yeah, exactly.

Asli [01:01:51]:
Yeah, that's true.

Eldar [01:01:52]:
You understand?

Asli [01:01:53]:
Yeah, I understand.

Asli [01:01:54]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:01:56]:
It's gonna be very, very tough for me, for my mind, because, well, this is.

Eldar [01:02:01]:
You gotta understand that, Asa, you've been, you know, suffering from this for a very long time.

Asli [01:02:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:02:06]:
And this selfless behavior that you're talking about, it's actually a very selfish behavior internally.

Asli [01:02:11]:
Really?

Eldar [01:02:12]:
Yeah, yeah. You're hiding behind it. You make that little voice that you.

Asli [01:02:17]:
Say, oh, hi, how's it going, everybody?

Toliy [01:02:24]:
Elm.

Eldar [01:02:25]:
Elmo voice. Yeah, yeah.

Asli [01:02:28]:
You know, so you say, I. The selfishness is actually my fear.

Eldar [01:02:37]:
That is correct.

Toliy [01:02:38]:
And low self esteem.

Eldar [01:02:40]:
Yes. That's. That's. That's your motivator. That's what you're motivated by. Yeah. You're covering something up. You're not good enough.

Eldar [01:02:46]:
You feel like you're not good enough and you believe it. You're not good enough for this world, for the people around you and stuff like that, for work, not good enough. You have to put on this facade, this little mask, this nice little voice, cute voice and stuff like that. And you're not strong, but there's a strong person inside of because I know it. But it's hidden. You play like, we call it hide and seek. Toli has the same thing. He comes out on Friday nights.

Eldar [01:03:12]:
He can talk shit. He can be very smart. He can be very reasonable. When he goes with his family, all of a sudden, totally is nowhere to be found, and they're putting anxiety on top of him. He feels guilty inside, the way he acts. He can't be himself anymore. Double life. Anytime you live a double life, it's over for you.

Asli [01:03:30]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:03:30]:
It's true.

Eldar [01:03:31]:
You're never gonna be happy. You need to marry. You have to. You have to bring it together and be one person.

Asli [01:03:37]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:03:38]:
Your thoughts, you know, your truth has to be in action, then in real life, have to be manifested in real life. If it's not, you're gonna have these things. You think about anxieties for tomorrow already. That's crazy.

Asli [01:03:50]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:03:51]:
Soon you're gonna be on medication. America has plenty of that. You know what I'm saying? And how is that gonna. Like I said, how is that gonna go into your relationship if you don't figure this out?

Asli [01:04:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:04:03]:
If you don't figure this out.

Asli [01:04:04]:
That's why I have to. I. You know, I'm also. I realize it's true that, like, this self esteem is such a big issue for me that, you know, sometimes Dennis just jokes around with me, and he just says something, and it's just. I take it so personal. I just take it too personal. Like, he attacked my whole system, you know? And I just. I know that there's a part of me that is just, like, okay, just let him talk.

Asli [01:04:37]:
But then this part of me is, like a muscle that is, like, so strong right now, and the other one is, like, so weak, but it's still here.

Eldar [01:04:46]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:04:47]:
And I just don't want to feed this muscle anymore and want to feed the other one, but it's just like. It's so hard when you used to live like that.

Eldar [01:04:55]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:04:56]:
And now have to go the other way. It feels wrong, but it's right.

Eldar [01:05:01]:
Correct.

Asli [01:05:02]:
You know?

Eldar [01:05:03]:
I see you've been doing this for a very long time. You have this problem for a very long time.

Asli [01:05:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:05:07]:
Since I met you, you've been talking about it. You know what I mean? And now it's showing in work.

Asli [01:05:12]:
It is.

Eldar [01:05:13]:
It's gonna show in your relationship.

Asli [01:05:14]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:05:14]:
It's gonna continue to show in different places.

Asli [01:05:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:05:17]:
Friendships and stuff like that.

Asli [01:05:18]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:05:18]:
You know, until you actually stand up for yourself.

Asli [01:05:21]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:05:22]:
You know? Say, enough is enough. I know who I am. I know what I can offer. I'm a good person, and I will go with that. Don't like it. No problem. Next person. Next person.

Eldar [01:05:33]:
Next person.

Asli [01:05:34]:
No, I am I am ready. I have to do it.

Eldar [01:05:38]:
Good.

Asli [01:05:39]:
Good.

Eldar [01:05:40]:
Yeah. So my suggestion would be to sit down and really come up with a plan, a daily plan of how. How you see the vision of the family dynamic and how it's gonna work. And you have to tell them ultimately how it's gonna work and sell it in such a way where they on board and understand that you want the best for their family, because right now, you know the family.

Asli [01:06:06]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:06:06]:
You know all those details, you know the schedules and stuff like that.

Asli [01:06:09]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:06:10]:
You know what I mean? You know the kid. You have a bond with the kid.

Asli [01:06:13]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:06:14]:
You know what I mean? And you have to make a big emphasis that you're a nanny, but you're not just a nanny, you're an educator.

Asli [01:06:20]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:06:21]:
You're a loving, good person's future. Correct.

Mike [01:06:25]:
You're gonna shape you shaping him directly.

Eldar [01:06:28]:
Correct.

Mike [01:06:28]:
How he's gonna be as an adult, what kind of kid.

Eldar [01:06:30]:
But in order for you to do that, you have to be happy. That's what you have to say.

Asli [01:06:34]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:06:34]:
You know what I mean? And this is how I'm gonna be happy. This rule, this rule, this rule, this rule, this rule, this rule.

Asli [01:06:42]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:06:43]:
This is what's gonna make me happy. And in turn, trust me, your kid is gonna be happy. Trust me, you will see, this is the guarantee. You give guarantee every single time you come there. And ase is bubbly. Asti's happy. Ase is ready to work do the world because she's doing it empowered now and wants to do it.

Mike [01:07:07]:
She's doing the right thing for yourself.

Eldar [01:07:09]:
You're doing the right thing for yourself. And then the family will start benefiting as well.

Mike [01:07:12]:
100%.

Eldar [01:07:13]:
You can voice this whole thing. They'll be stupid to deny.

Mike [01:07:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:07:18]:
They'll be stupid. They'll lose a very good person.

Toliy [01:07:20]:
And if they say no, then you.

Mike [01:07:22]:
Have to be with the attitude.

Eldar [01:07:23]:
Okay. Yeah.

Asli [01:07:24]:
So who cares? Like, for example, like, for me, I want to be a babysitter. Like, I want to care about your kid. I don't want to care about your house.

Eldar [01:07:35]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:07:35]:
I'm not a housemate.

Eldar [01:07:36]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:07:37]:
I don't want to iron your husband's.

Eldar [01:07:39]:
Give me percentage. Give me a percentage. 90% babysitter, 10% help around the house. Let's just say, yeah.

Asli [01:07:48]:
Like, okay. Yeah. Let's say, okay in the morning. You want. You want the dishwasher to be, you know, or, like five minutes dishwasher. Okay. I do it. It's not an issue.

Asli [01:07:57]:
But I just.

Eldar [01:07:59]:
You can identify certain things that you can help with and be okay with. Right.

Asli [01:08:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:08:02]:
But majority you want. You said you want to be like babysitter.

Asli [01:08:05]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:08:05]:
Yeah. And think also how much you want to do that dishwasher too, because, you know, you may now might not sound like a lot.

Asli [01:08:11]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:08:12]:
You know, but it might also be.

Eldar [01:08:14]:
No. I mean, she has to identify things that she's comfortable with.

Mike [01:08:17]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:08:18]:
And then you can't complain. You can't come back here and say, yeah, I think I messed up, guys. Then I'm gonna scold you. I'm gonna say, no, you promised. This. This is your agreement.

Mike [01:08:27]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:08:27]:
Go over there and work and put that dishwasher in order.

Mike [01:08:30]:
Make sure you think about what you're committing to.

Eldar [01:08:31]:
Yeah. Yeah. Because then it's. That's your word. You gave an agreement that you have to stick by it. Yes. Very important. No more crying afterwards.

Eldar [01:08:41]:
That's why it's very important to think about it now. What would you really be happy with?

Asli [01:08:46]:
So painting out a structure for myself, what I think constantly in me. What frustrates me, seeing it and removing.

Eldar [01:08:59]:
Those things from yourself. Your responsibilities.

Asli [01:09:01]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:09:01]:
And seeing where you can be the most impactful in their lives.

Asli [01:09:05]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:09:05]:
And you're saying that, that being a babysitter.

Asli [01:09:07]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:09:07]:
Making sure that you're raising a good, healthy, happy kid.

Asli [01:09:11]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:09:12]:
His development.

Asli [01:09:14]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:09:14]:
The most important thing here, if any parent doesn't agree with that, they're morons.

Asli [01:09:19]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:09:20]:
And you should run.

Asli [01:09:22]:
True.

Asli [01:09:22]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:09:23]:
Yeah. They're gonna lose here.

Eldar [01:09:25]:
They're gonna lose here.

Mike [01:09:26]:
They're not gonna find a person who's gonna be so committed to their child that's gonna care like that.

Asli [01:09:31]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:09:32]:
The way that I believe that you care, you know, the way that we think you care about this child who's gonna work so hard.

Eldar [01:09:37]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:09:38]:
To make sure that he gets what he needs, good information, good food, good education, that you can give him some.

Eldar [01:09:45]:
The right intention.

Mike [01:09:45]:
The right intention, the right energy, the right sleep.

Eldar [01:09:48]:
All that stuff is very important. All that stuff is very important. Everything needs to be outlined and everybody has to be clear. And whenever everybody's clear, nobody will have problems.

Asli [01:09:59]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:10:01]:
You have to see every angle.

Asli [01:10:03]:
Yeah. It is. It is indeed, like, very powerful to think about it that, you know.

Eldar [01:10:08]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:10:08]:
I, I have also a voice to say, you know, and I'm not playing along with that, what I am seeing, because that's what makes me unhappy, 100%. And, yeah, I'm gonna tell you right.

Eldar [01:10:20]:
Now, you come up with this thorough plan. Very thorough plan. You know what I mean? And if they don't take it. Somebody else will take it. Like this.

Asli [01:10:27]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:10:28]:
Somewhere else. You put out a quick ad somewhere. Craigslist, Facebook, and all this other stuff with this kind of description, what you're offering and who you are as a person. You get interviews like this.

Mike [01:10:40]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:10:41]:
People are willing to pay. You understand? But this is a good practice to get your balls. You know what I mean? Bigger. You know what I mean? Right now with this family.

Asli [01:10:51]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:10:52]:
It's true.

Asli [01:10:53]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:10:53]:
That's, like, my only. I would say my only opportunity, you know, a good opportunity that I have to face it.

Eldar [01:11:01]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:11:01]:
Because I feel like the later I push, the harder it gets.

Eldar [01:11:05]:
It's gonna get harder and harder. Absolutely.

Asli [01:11:07]:
Right now, I'm in a good point where I can still do it, because later it's gonna be.

Eldar [01:11:11]:
Yeah. Take this weekend to really sit down with this. Cancel all the funny plans that you guys go into the beach or whatever it is that you're not doing. You know what I'm saying? Sit down and really, really outline this and see. Envision yourself, and you will see how this Saturday and Sunday will become actually a very nice rest day for you, where you're gonna gain energy from this. You're gonna be inspired while you're sitting down. And really what you're doing is fighting for your freedom here.

Mike [01:11:37]:
You're focusing on self love here.

Eldar [01:11:39]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:11:39]:
You're trying to give back, get self love back for yourself by thinking about this stuff. It's gonna give you energy.

Asli [01:11:46]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:11:46]:
Which is, you know, self love. Yeah.

Toliy [01:11:49]:
I have a feeling that this might be the fastest edited podcast of all time.

Eldar [01:11:54]:
Oh, yeah. It's gonna get edited tonight.

Asli [01:11:56]:
Wow.

Mike [01:11:56]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:11:59]:
Just remove the names. Okay? Dennis. Any babies or any, you know, people that we're working for. I mean, that were mentioned so we don't get in trouble.

Asli [01:12:07]:
Thank you, guys, for sure. That was a very big help for me. I really needed it.

Eldar [01:12:12]:
Yeah. So, which part of Dennis knew that we were able to help?

Asli [01:12:17]:
It's a good question, because I didn't expect. I didn't see it. He said it. Yeah, he said. He said, you know what? I should go. On Friday, the podcast, they will be waiting for you. Already texted Eldar, and I was shocked, you know?

Eldar [01:12:33]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:12:33]:
I didn't expect it.

Eldar [01:12:34]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:12:35]:
But you see.

Eldar [01:12:35]:
Yeah, yeah. Yo, d. What's up, man? Yeah. Like, where did I come from? Right. But he is, you know, why would you sacrifice your wife into the philosophy bubble?

Mike [01:12:46]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Eldar [01:12:47]:
You know what I'm saying?

Mike [01:12:49]:
That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. He sent her into the. Into the trenches.

Eldar [01:12:53]:
To the walls.

Mike [01:12:54]:
Yeah, to the walls.

Eldar [01:12:56]:
Mike, can I get a little more hot water, please? Yeah.

Toliy [01:13:01]:
Say please again.

Eldar [01:13:01]:
Please.

Toliy [01:13:03]:
Oh, yeah.

Eldar [01:13:05]:
So, yeah, I think you can definitely, as they say, kill. Kill two birds with 1 st. Here, you stand up for yourself because you have a lot of. A lot of stuff that's going on here. Your self esteem, you know, your fears, your past traumas and stuff like that can really. You can really propel yourself to the next level up.

Asli [01:13:24]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:13:25]:
And without taking ayahuasca. You know what I'm saying?

Asli [01:13:27]:
Yeah, that's true.

Eldar [01:13:31]:
Yeah. Shout out to James. Yes.

Asli [01:13:33]:
I was thinking about him.

Eldar [01:13:34]:
Shout out to James.

Asli [01:13:38]:
Yeah, that's true. It's gonna be tough, but it's gonna be okay.

Eldar [01:13:42]:
It's gonna be very fun.

Mike [01:13:43]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:13:43]:
If you actually take it, take the bull by its horns. It's gonna be fun. You're gonna enjoy yourself, the process, and you're really gonna liberate yourself.

Mike [01:13:51]:
That's inspiring.

Eldar [01:13:51]:
That's inspiring. I can't wait to see. I can't wait to see. I'm excited for you. You know what I mean? If you're really saying that you're ready and you already thought about quitting anyway, you have nothing to lose. I say you only have stuff to gain.

Asli [01:14:03]:
That's true.

Eldar [01:14:04]:
You only have stuff to gain.

Asli [01:14:05]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:14:06]:
So, yeah, I can't wait to do it, you know? As soon as possible. Probably next week. Probably Monday.

Eldar [01:14:14]:
Yeah. Yeah, as soon as possible. So what do you think? If you put everything together, this big proposal, how much would you be getting paid?

Asli [01:14:28]:
Well, I have in my mind between 22 or 25.

Mike [01:14:35]:
A little bit low.

Asli [01:14:36]:
No, it's. But it's. It's how every. But, you know.

Eldar [01:14:39]:
Yeah, but intermission. Yeah, but I had this whole conversation.

Asli [01:14:46]:
Wait, but I checked how much everyone is getting paid. Check it. Yeah, it's true. Check it. Everyone is getting paid. 20.

Mike [01:15:02]:
Yeah, but nobody's doing the job that you're doing here.

Eldar [01:15:04]:
When you came here, did you come to everybody, or you came to very specific people?

Mike [01:15:09]:
You're not on the thing, so sit down. They can't hear what you're saying.

Eldar [01:15:14]:
When you came here, when you come into the world or you come into very specific people that, you know, trying to help you, guide you, empower you with.

Asli [01:15:22]:
Yes, but I see. But it's. It's how every. It's the average.

Mike [01:15:28]:
So, like, you're not doing an average job.

Eldar [01:15:31]:
Are you an average person? Are you.

Asli [01:15:33]:
You want me to ask, like, $50?

Eldar [01:15:35]:
No, I'm not. I don't want you to ask for $50. I gave you that example. But I definitely don't want you to ask for $20.

Asli [01:15:42]:
But that's what I researched. How much the market price.

Mike [01:15:45]:
But nobody's doing your job the way you're doing it. Nobody's actually. They come in there to be on their phones while the kid is playing. You come in there to raise this.

Eldar [01:15:54]:
Kid and raise this whole family.

Mike [01:15:56]:
This is a completely different service of cavemen.

Eldar [01:15:58]:
What do you think you're gonna write down here on the thing? I'm trying to get you Osli?

Asli [01:16:05]:
I thought. I mean, I made a step from eight. Like, seriously, you guys, please. It's really like when you reach.

Eldar [01:16:17]:
Like I said, you cannot bring that evidence to this. To this. To this space. You can't.

Asli [01:16:23]:
What should I say?

Eldar [01:16:25]:
Well, you have to probably imagine what I'm talking about when I'm actually talking about this. Grain deals, big plan for yourself, for your future. Of course, I'm talking about you changing this family for the better as a whole, of the type of energy that you're going to be spending. You know what I mean? This is not just like ASI just going to work one day, you know what I mean? You're going to start doing more research. You're going to start finding out what's the best thing for the baby, you know what I mean? And all this other stuff. You're going to actually invest to do your job to the best that you can. This is the way you're going to be happy with this type of work. This potentially can become a future career, like I said, because you don't know what kind of energy you will feel if you actually get what you actually want out of life.

Asli [01:17:12]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:17:16]:
God. Like, that's. That's what I researched.

Eldar [01:17:20]:
You see? Yeah, like, you know what I mean? What could have settled? Yeah. Like.

Asli [01:17:28]:
What?

Mike [01:17:29]:
Minimum 30 no one will ever pay me.

Eldar [01:17:31]:
Who told you this?

Asli [01:17:33]:
Because I, you know, I'm in a Facebook group and everyone is saying, like, same thing.

Eldar [01:17:38]:
Is this everyone? Those people have anxiety and depression. I said, those people are very unhappy people. They're supposed to get 18, $20 an hour.

Asli [01:17:50]:
Yeah, finally. My friend also got paid 30, but they were rich and she took care of two people. But, um. Oh, God, 30.

Eldar [01:18:04]:
You see, you're not worth 30. You're a loser. You're worth 18. Probably you should go back and ask him for 17. I actually realized I've been doing a bad job. Yeah.

Toliy [01:18:16]:
I need you guys to reduce my page.

Eldar [01:18:18]:
What the fuck? Yeah, you know, what? Yeah, but, you know, actually, I've been feeling so guilty that I've been asking for so much, you know what I mean? Because you give me food. Let's make it $16 an hour. Yeah.

Toliy [01:18:28]:
For the mushroom soup.

Asli [01:18:30]:
Oh, God. It's gonna be tougher than I thought.

Mike [01:18:35]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:18:37]:
Yeah. If you don't get a good pushback from these people. A good pushback, like, they're gonna try to punch you in the face. That means you're not doing it right.

Asli [01:18:45]:
Oh, my God, I'm so scared of this. Like, right now? Yes, of this. Yeah. Like, after I heard, like, 30, 35.

Eldar [01:18:54]:
Now, Ashley, now I know, Asley, why you and Dennis are together.

Asli [01:18:59]:
Well, because, like, we're anxious.

Eldar [01:19:01]:
Yeah. Now I know why you guys are together.

Asli [01:19:04]:
We attracted each other, right.

Eldar [01:19:05]:
100%.

Toliy [01:19:06]:
22, I thought.

Asli [01:19:09]:
Yeah, but the guy 22 is, like, already, like, a lot pushing it.

Eldar [01:19:13]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Toliy [01:19:15]:
So you would have been happy with, like, 1920?

Asli [01:19:19]:
No. 1920. No, but, like, 22, 25. Yes.

Toliy [01:19:23]:
No, but you were saying that you already thought that 22 is a lot. That means, like, 19, 2021 would have been great.

Asli [01:19:30]:
Yeah, because I was like, the way.

Mike [01:19:33]:
She'S looking at it, maybe is that.

Eldar [01:19:35]:
I think. I think, guys, I think. I'll be honest with you. I think we did a bad job then. We did a bad job.

Asli [01:19:39]:
Why?

Eldar [01:19:41]:
Think about it, right. Whatever we were carrying.

Mike [01:19:44]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:19:45]:
Did not pass through.

Mike [01:19:46]:
No.

Eldar [01:19:47]:
The gates of whatever fear she has.

Mike [01:19:49]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:19:50]:
They're still there. The vision that I see, the vision that I was trying to explain is not the same vision that she sees.

Asli [01:19:58]:
No, I see. But. But I'm thinking, like, honestly.

Eldar [01:20:02]:
Oh, you know how you love Dennis.

Asli [01:20:04]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:20:05]:
Right. You give them love.

Asli [01:20:07]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:20:07]:
Right. And that's a lot. Right. It's a lot that goes into it. Correct.

Asli [01:20:11]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:20:11]:
To love someone, to be patient with them.

Asli [01:20:14]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:20:14]:
To really understand them, to be accepting of them. I'd like for you to take a piece of that love and bring this to this family. I want you to cure these people.

Mike [01:20:26]:
From their sickness and then tell me how much that.

Eldar [01:20:30]:
Tell me how much that's worth.

Mike [01:20:32]:
How much. Can you put a price on that?

Eldar [01:20:33]:
Can you put a price on that?

Mike [01:20:36]:
It's definitely not 22 or 25, 21, 50.

Eldar [01:20:39]:
You said the family is sick. Austin, you gave us plenty of reasons. You should relisten to this podcast. We listen to it and say, see what you said? The family is sick. They have mental health issues.

Mike [01:20:55]:
They're inconsiderate.

Eldar [01:20:57]:
And now those issues, you've been infected by them too.

Asli [01:21:04]:
My mind is going, like I said.

Eldar [01:21:06]:
You were ready to quit. So why not go out with a bang? $22 is a bang.

Asli [01:21:13]:
I thought so.

Asli [01:21:15]:
It's a compromise, I thought.

Eldar [01:21:17]:
No, it's not a compromise. It's a. It's a. In this thing, you say how it's gonna be and it's gonna be on your terms, and you're the boss here. They're not the bosses anymore. The roles have to switch. You're the boss. You're telling them what to do and how it's gonna be going forward.

Asli [01:21:35]:
Okay, I got it.

Eldar [01:21:37]:
And that's cost a lot more.

Mike [01:21:39]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:21:40]:
Your attention and that type of energy of what I want you to bring.

Asli [01:21:43]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:21:44]:
You know what I mean? Is worth a lot more.

Toliy [01:21:46]:
You probably even have to have a conversation to get to 22.

Eldar [01:21:50]:
Exactly. You could just send an email. Yeah. You could.

Toliy [01:21:53]:
You could just send them an email.

Mike [01:21:55]:
Especially if they care about you and they see how good of a job you're doing.

Eldar [01:21:58]:
I see. You might not be ready. Yeah. You might not be ready for Monday. I'll be honest with you. Based on what? Like, what, how this is playing out.

Asli [01:22:04]:
I want to be ready.

Eldar [01:22:06]:
You might have to do, like, you know how Mike had a whole series of podcasts, like, ten of them or whatever. Yeah. We need to. Might have to come here ten times in a row.

Mike [01:22:14]:
She can't handle ten weeks of their.

Toliy [01:22:17]:
Job because then she'll realize she might have to ask 40.

Asli [01:22:19]:
Yeah, I don't wanna. I don't wanna. Yeah, I don't wanna ask for 40.

Mike [01:22:24]:
You gotta go into the lab this weekend.

Eldar [01:22:26]:
I see. By time we're done with you, you're gonna be like, you're a. $100 is not enough.

Asli [01:22:29]:
No. What do you think we do here, you guys? This, like, it's gonna be like. Are you a joke?

Eldar [01:22:43]:
Why do you wake? I walk. Explain to me.

Asli [01:22:47]:
To heal myself.

Eldar [01:22:48]:
Uh huh. Have you apart?

Asli [01:22:50]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:22:51]:
Uh huh. And what'd you do?

Asli [01:22:53]:
I changed myself.

Eldar [01:22:54]:
For the better, for the worse? For the better, for the better.

Asli [01:22:57]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:22:58]:
And what are the results?

Asli [01:23:02]:
I mean, there are good results, but some parts I didn't heal.

Eldar [01:23:05]:
That's what I'm saying, though. Are you. Don't you have depression, anxiety right now?

Asli [01:23:09]:
Yeah, I have.

Eldar [01:23:09]:
Are these the results?

Asli [01:23:11]:
Are you happy right now?

Eldar [01:23:14]:
I'm excited. Don't worry, asi. Don't worry. This is just a thought experiment. None of everything that we just said here. We actually meant it.

Mike [01:23:24]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:23:30]:
I would be, like, high right now, and you would tell me that, or I'm done.

Eldar [01:23:36]:
This is just philosophy bubble that you just entered for one moment, Dennis forgot that this is what it was. He sent you here. You know what I mean? It's still a very interesting phenomenon. What's going on, buddy? Why are you staring at me? I know. You're gonna turn into a human next life. Not this one.

Asli [01:23:53]:
We spoke about this keeper, the 22. It's true.

Toliy [01:24:02]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:24:02]:
If they're able to hire a second nanny. A nanny for the night. Come on, then, like, come on.

Asli [01:24:11]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:24:11]:
People live in Ridgewood. People work from home. Computer, job. Come on. Us, they pay you peanuts.

Toliy [01:24:21]:
Peanuts.

Eldar [01:24:21]:
But you are deserving of peanuts right. Right now, because you no longer selfless and you don't have that energy anymore. You're not worth much. You should. You should ask for a decrease in pay, to be honest with you, because before you were given everything for 18, and now you're not giving so much anymore. You should get less money. Ask for ten and see how you feel.

Asli [01:24:41]:
Oh, God.

Eldar [01:24:44]:
But then you're like, okay, but ten, now you're not gonna have guilt anymore because you're not doing it much anymore anyway. You're slacking, but you're getting paid ten. So you're like, okay, it's kind of a wash. It's kind of equal. It's fair.

Asli [01:24:54]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:24:55]:
That's another way to do a look at it. If you want.

Asli [01:24:58]:
I'm gonna ask for a 30. I'm gonna not work 9 hours. I'm gonna work eight or 7 hours, which I'm gonna think I'm gonna do a structure. I'm gonna offer this, and it's gonna be an offer where I even inside myself, gonna say, like, okay, just please quit me with this.

Eldar [01:25:20]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:25:21]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:25:21]:
You have to be expecting of that.

Asli [01:25:23]:
Pretty much.

Eldar [01:25:24]:
Right. However, the goal here is not to get the 30. The goal here is to be able to speak for yourself.

Asli [01:25:30]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:25:31]:
To finally stand up for yourself.

Asli [01:25:32]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:25:33]:
Because people, those types of people should push you back. Say, what do you mean? What do you mean? You know, why this, then you have to be able to explain why confidently and believe yourself.

Toliy [01:25:45]:
That's the hardest part.

Eldar [01:25:46]:
That is the hardest part.

Asli [01:25:47]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:25:48]:
Yeah.

Toliy [01:25:48]:
When she looks in the face.

Asli [01:25:49]:
Yes.

Toliy [01:25:50]:
And she's shocked, you know, and she's like, no, it's not possible. You know?

Eldar [01:25:56]:
What are you gonna say?

Asli [01:25:58]:
I'm gonna say, okay, I give you two weeks until you find another person, and then I'm gonna go and we're gonna path our ways.

Eldar [01:26:06]:
Yeah. You have to make a case. You have to make a strong case as to why she should keep you and give you a raise. You know what I'm saying? Obviously, that strong case should be undeniable. Good. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like I said, you know, all the things that we discussed about the development of the child, bringing the love and care and stuff like that. Bringing my happiness into your home and making sure that you guys are okay and stuff like that. This is how you have to talk.

Asli [01:26:29]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:26:30]:
You know what I mean?

Asli [01:26:31]:
Yeah, that's true.

Eldar [01:26:32]:
Until you be able to do that kind of stuff, you will always undersell yourself, and you always feel that you're not worthy or good enough.

Asli [01:26:43]:
It's. It's crazy. I'm so sorry to. To say this again, but it's crazy about this part of the. Of the money where I. Again, trapped, which is like, I thought I made a step, you know, like, yeah, I'm gonna do it on Monday. Yeah, sure. Structure.

Asli [01:27:00]:
And then the money wise, and then I understand what you mean. The amount of love and care that I'm giving this baby, this family with all this, you know, I hope they're happy on Monday because they can start a fresh week. I hope they're happy to have a fresh weekend, you know, clean everything, smell. Well, it cannot be valued.

Eldar [01:27:22]:
That's right.

Asli [01:27:23]:
And I still try to value it and go down on it, and my mind is still.

Eldar [01:27:28]:
That's why I do. $30.

Asli [01:27:30]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:27:30]:
Until you understand. Until you understand what you're talking about. You know what I'm saying? You're gonna continue to think this way.

Asli [01:27:36]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:27:37]:
You're gonna keep thinking that. It's like it's gonna slow, you know, like, can't do this. Can't do this. You're gonna psych yourself out. But as soon as you believe it, what we actually talking about here and what we want you to do. I want you to be the best babysitter the world have ever seen.

Asli [01:27:52]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:27:52]:
You know what I'm saying? That energy that you carry, that love, that you can heal these people and help them because they're suffering.

Asli [01:27:59]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:28:00]:
You know what I'm saying? But the only way to get this done, Osley, is for you to be happy. You have needs too, Astley. You have rent to pay. You have a husband who doesn't, is not standing on his own feet right now. You know what I mean? Where he wants to be. You have to set an example for him as well. If you stand up for yourself, maybe he'll actualize himself as well through your example and not be scared of the world because he has the same thing. Yeah, he has the exact same fears.

Eldar [01:28:29]:
That's why I said what I said about, now I know why you guys are together. Because that stuff understands each other.

Asli [01:28:35]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:28:35]:
This pattern, same pattern every single time. You guys. He keeps telling you this stuff and you buy it because. Yeah, yeah, you're right. You know, because you're scared. He sells you the fears. You came in here, you're like, holy shit. Wait a second.

Eldar [01:28:47]:
There's a different Aussie here, Aasi, that loves, that cares, and she's worth more than $18 an hour. $22 an hour. Yes, I said there is. There is a different asset that the world would love to fucking pay for if you actually believed in yourself. Yeah. If I'm. If I make money, acid, and I have a babysitter that can come to me like this. Come to me.

Eldar [01:29:10]:
Correct. I'm buying her every single time I want to buy her. I want this type of babysitter. Yeah.

Toliy [01:29:17]:
This family might find out that they might not be able to afford to have a good son to be raised.

Eldar [01:29:22]:
That's right. But somebody deserve. Yeah. Yeah.

Toliy [01:29:26]:
Somebody will be able to afford a good babysitter.

Eldar [01:29:29]:
That's right. Right.

Toliy [01:29:30]:
That they get paid 30, 40, $50 an hour.

Eldar [01:29:33]:
Correct. And they want to do it because they dig it. To raise a child honestly, it's, you know, you already probably getting a little glimpse of it. It is very difficult. You know it, I know it. And I didn't never have done it before. I've done dogs. It's very hard.

Eldar [01:29:49]:
I can only imagine a human being. Well, I can because look at what's going on here, right? Look at your conditions. Look at my condition. Look at Tolly's condition, my condition, Dennis's condition.

Asli [01:29:59]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:29:59]:
These are all kids that have been struggling through life.

Asli [01:30:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:30:03]:
Fears, anxiety, depression, all this other shit. Ayahuasca trips and stuff like that to fix yourself. Still trying to fix yourself, but fix yourself somehow.

Asli [01:30:11]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:30:12]:
Reading books, watching YouTube videos, motivational things, you reading Facebook ads, people saying that they paying them $22 an hour. You listening to these people? These are the same types of people. They have fears. They have no plans, no future, no nothing. You can make this a career. You can make this a thing that actually you stand behind. You're strong behind it. You believe in it.

Eldar [01:30:36]:
You might have, you know, they have to make more money. So maybe you can go into, when this kid is, you know, 16 years old and you're his mentor. Why not? What are you preaching? Aren't you preaching love?

Asli [01:30:50]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:30:53]:
Or are you preaching fear right now?

Asli [01:30:57]:
Fear.

Eldar [01:30:58]:
So go tell them.

Asli [01:30:59]:
You want.

Eldar [01:30:59]:
You want $15 an hour?

Asli [01:31:02]:
It's such a new way of thinking from my mind, the way how you said it, my mind is like, oh, wow.

Asli [01:31:12]:
What?

Asli [01:31:13]:
Like, this is possible.

Eldar [01:31:14]:
It's not. In a couple years, maybe you understand what we're talking about.

Asli [01:31:18]:
I do. I do understand. No, I do understand. But it's just. It's something new for the mind. It's just like, oh, what is this? You know, like believing in myself because I'm so used to push myself down.

Eldar [01:31:34]:
Yes. Let me remind you, you are ready to quit. Or anyway.

Asli [01:31:37]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:31:37]:
What do you have to lose? Explain to me.

Asli [01:31:39]:
Nothing.

Eldar [01:31:40]:
For them to sit down with you and they're gonna say, no. So what, you're ready to quit? No.

Asli [01:31:45]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:31:46]:
What's the problem?

Asli [01:31:47]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:31:48]:
Ready to quit. What's the problem? Yeah, you see, we're gonna. That's why in the beginning of this conversation, we said, we'll see whether or not Asa is ready for this.

Asli [01:31:56]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:31:56]:
And you said, no, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. And now you're like, wait a second. This is what I'm up against. That's not me.

Mike [01:32:02]:
30 an hour.

Eldar [01:32:03]:
That's not me. No, that's not me. I'm worth, you know, look yourself in the mirror today, tonight, and say, I'm worth only $18 an hour. I'm a loser and I have anxiety, and now I bring depression into these people's homes, and this is what it's worth. And go sit in this job for the next three years paying for that shitty ass apartment.

Asli [01:32:21]:
No.

Eldar [01:32:22]:
Oh, okay.

Asli [01:32:24]:
No, no. I want to change. I do something about it. I want to. I want to believe, or let's say by this thought of believing in myself, you know, because it's. It's true. It's. I think I.

Asli [01:32:48]:
Yeah, it's. I didn't understand what I'm doing.

Toliy [01:32:51]:
Should we call them now and ask them to talk?

Asli [01:32:53]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:33:00]:
You can say, actually, my English not so good. I want you to speak to my translator. Elder.

Eldar [01:33:06]:
Yes, exactly.

Mike [01:33:06]:
And then. Yeah, guaranteed.

Eldar [01:33:08]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:33:11]:
But you might have to pay elder percentage of yourself because it might.

Eldar [01:33:14]:
Be like, then she'll be my slave. Yeah.

Asli [01:33:19]:
Now I'm ready for it.

Eldar [01:33:21]:
Something tells us the people in this room without any.

Asli [01:33:25]:
Okay, that's. That's not a problem. I believe in myself.

Eldar [01:33:28]:
Good.

Asli [01:33:29]:
Let's see.

Mike [01:33:32]:
It's a very hard change to make such a huge changing life decision over one conversation.

Eldar [01:33:37]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:33:37]:
Even though it's been building up. Yeah, it's very hard because you're changing something you've been doing for 20 years, you say, okay, tomorrow, I'm not gonna do this anymore. It's difficult, for sure.

Asli [01:33:46]:
It's. It's.

Eldar [01:33:46]:
You have to sit with yourself. Yeah.

Asli [01:33:48]:
But, like, it's very difficult for my mind right now, and I know. I'm aware that the mind is like, oh, shit. Yeah, on Monday, you're planning to do it. No, take more time. It's okay, you know, but, like, how long? I'm at the end. I'm gonna do it anyways. I have to do it. If it's not this job, it's gonna be another job.

Toliy [01:34:09]:
But what, so when. When, like, the. The mom is busy with work and stuff like that, you're gonna, on Monday, pull her over and say, I need to talk to you and tell her.

Asli [01:34:20]:
Yeah. Like, she always comes when the baby, like, when I'm about to go, she comes. So at the beginning of the day, I'm gonna tell her that I want to have a conversation with her, and I'm gonna have a conversation with her.

Eldar [01:34:33]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:34:33]:
I'm gonna write down everything on paper.

Eldar [01:34:36]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:34:36]:
I'm gonna discuss with her my vacations. I'm gonna discuss with her everything that I have. Question or opening things about it.

Eldar [01:34:44]:
Yeah. There's a proper way of doing this, too. You know what I mean? Obviously, this setup can be properly done. Right. So you have to think about that, too. Don't rush it. You know what I mean? Don't rush it. I think I want to mention, it's not an easy task.

Eldar [01:35:05]:
I get it. It's not an easy task. So don't. Don't underestimate the. What you're trying to take on here. I'm not, like, I'm not saying this is easy. Practice needs to be happened. Like, you probably have to practice with Dennis.

Eldar [01:35:18]:
He has to play the devil's advocate with you. You know what I mean? Like, you're gonna sit down and say the things that you want to say, and then he's gonna say the things that your boss would say, you know, give you pushback, you know, challenge you thing to practice. Absolutely. Yeah. So then when you. When you. When you have that conversation, you're not like, oh, she said that. Oh, she said that.

Eldar [01:35:40]:
So you don't have reaction, or you're like, where you get stuck. Like, I practice this. I know what to say. It's just like practicing for a test. The more things you know and expect from this individual, the more likely you're going to be able to challenge and properly say, what you need to say, because you, like you said, you never done this before. You never stood up for yourself. So you can potentially go in there and kind of get stuck. And if you get stuck, you're not worth $30 an hour.

Eldar [01:36:04]:
You know what I mean? You're probably gonna worse, less. So I need you to be take this very seriously and prepare yourself for a pretty serious game plan, because this is where, you know, you try to get a new life here, honestly. And to get a new life. It's not a weekend job. A weekend job.

Mike [01:36:21]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:36:21]:
It's not.

Mike [01:36:22]:
You have to think by thinking about it.

Eldar [01:36:25]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:36:26]:
Like tomorrow, tonight, Sunday. It'll help you to also buy yourself time to more think about it, and it'll also make you less trust.

Eldar [01:36:35]:
I have to work another week. And observe.

Mike [01:36:37]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:36:37]:
Keep your mouth shut. Observe. Understand, and take notes. But a different mindset that we're installing now.

Mike [01:36:43]:
Yes. You're gonna have a different mentality now when you go back to work on Monday.

Asli [01:36:46]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:36:47]:
You have a different mindset because you're gonna be already thinking about the new changes that you would like to implement.

Eldar [01:36:53]:
Yeah. You might see, oh, look, I can do this better. I can tell her about this, that I can do better. And when you show that kind of value to an individual, because they're gonna be like, oh, wow. Like, she really worked. She really thought about this. This is how this is gonna be outlined. And this is so thorough and so good, like a presentation.

Mike [01:37:10]:
This has, like, a couple pages, kind of a lot of good information about what are you gonna do.

Eldar [01:37:15]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:37:15]:
Why you're different than everybody else.

Eldar [01:37:17]:
What you bring into the table, and.

Mike [01:37:18]:
They'Re not gonna find anywhere else.

Eldar [01:37:19]:
Correct.

Mike [01:37:20]:
Has to be very. A lot of thought, has to get into it. Has to be able to think about a lot and then put it on paper.

Eldar [01:37:26]:
That's right.

Toliy [01:37:27]:
Yeah. Undeniable.

Eldar [01:37:30]:
It's undeniable. Irresistible. Irresistible. You know what I mean? And then when you present it, you're gonna feel good about yourself. You're gonna know everything. You're gonna be very prepared, and nothing's gonna scare you. But right now, maybe you have to be around these people to kind of get to know them a little bit better, to observe them a little bit better, to understand what kind of things they can say to you back, what challenges they can bring and stuff like that to the table.

Asli [01:37:53]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:37:53]:
So that you could face them in a new osteo way right now, maybe working there maybe a week or two, maybe even three, and keep bringing that just new energy that we're talking about so you can slowly build. You know what I mean? Maybe even. Maybe even bringing that energy off like you did in the beginning of working there, you know what I mean? To show that, like, hey, like, you know, you have more energy and stuff like that. But there's a reason for that. They're gonna have to pay for it.

Asli [01:38:18]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:38:18]:
What I mean, they have to listen to you.

Asli [01:38:20]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:38:21]:
And then if you leave, you're not gonna leave on the guilty conscience.

Mike [01:38:24]:
You're gonna have a lot of good information. That's right. To the next person they make. What, you're a babysitter? You give me this kind of shit.

Eldar [01:38:30]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:38:31]:
I want to know more.

Eldar [01:38:32]:
Yeah.

Mike [01:38:32]:
They want to. They're gonna be intrigued because nobody ever came to them with this kind of attention, presentation and thought.

Eldar [01:38:39]:
That's right.

Mike [01:38:40]:
You know what I'm saying?

Eldar [01:38:41]:
Nobody ever sells themselves and say, you know, like, I'm gonna come here and I'm gonna really take care of the kid. You know what I mean? Like, with love. I'm in love with my husband. This is what I. This is what I believe. These are my belief systems. This is how I'm gonna raise, and these are the things that I'm gonna pass on, on to your child. These are very important things.

Mike [01:38:59]:
You cannot buy that.

Eldar [01:39:00]:
You cannot buy that. That's invaluable.

Mike [01:39:02]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:39:02]:
And then individual. There's plenty of people who make very good money, honestly, who willing to pay for that, who are smart, and they're looking for people like that.

Mike [01:39:10]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:39:11]:
You're not that person yet. Do you want to be that person?

Asli [01:39:14]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:39:14]:
You keep saying yes. So let's see it. Let's see it.

Asli [01:39:21]:
What if. That would be a very big help for me. I'm gonna work on. Work on writing down whatever I have in my memory right now. Next week, I'm gonna do all my observations.

Eldar [01:39:37]:
Yes.

Asli [01:39:37]:
About the baby, about the family, about, like, you know, small things, like when he wakes up, when he's his feeding and all of this, whatever it comes up in my mind. Friday.

Eldar [01:39:51]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:39:51]:
I want to come here again.

Eldar [01:39:52]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:39:53]:
I want to do a presentation.

Eldar [01:39:55]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:39:56]:
About how I would imagine me in a babysitter job. What is the perfect.

Eldar [01:40:05]:
Yes.

Asli [01:40:05]:
Picture of it?

Eldar [01:40:06]:
That's right.

Asli [01:40:07]:
What are my needs.

Eldar [01:40:08]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:40:08]:
And what I can give.

Eldar [01:40:11]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:40:12]:
And I want you to listen, be honest with me, and then from that week on, if I feel ready.

Eldar [01:40:21]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:40:21]:
I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna face this situation.

Eldar [01:40:24]:
Nice. That sounds like a plan.

Mike [01:40:26]:
Okay.

Eldar [01:40:27]:
For sure. Absolutely.

Mike [01:40:29]:
We'll be here on Friday, for sure.

Eldar [01:40:30]:
Yeah, we'll be here. You, you. Yeah, we're not sure. Yeah, we're gonna see. Yeah.

Asli [01:40:34]:
I hope Dennis, too.

Eldar [01:40:36]:
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. We would love that. Yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. I'm looking forward to see what you guys. I'm excited.

Eldar [01:40:45]:
I'm excited. I'm always excited for, like, this type of change, this type of growth, especially when people are faced against trauma. Yeah, a lot of trauma. So if you can beat this, kick this in the ass, you defeat the odds. Wow. You know what I mean? Like, this is what makes me happy. This is what, you know, I'm always. I rave about this kind of shit.

Eldar [01:41:04]:
I live for the shirt, you know what I mean? And I wish that for you.

Asli [01:41:07]:
Yep.

Eldar [01:41:08]:
I wish that for everybody we're working on with Toli, with working with Mike and stuff like that, on all these things constantly, you know, constantly discuss these things in the podcast. It's not easy. No, it's not easy, you know, because we all have these interesting, you know, things in our brains, in our minds. We constantly have this negative self talk.

Asli [01:41:29]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:41:30]:
Ongoing. Ongoing.

Asli [01:41:32]:
I'm gonna do it, guys.

Eldar [01:41:34]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:41:34]:
It's a step for me and myself.

Eldar [01:41:36]:
Yeah. All right. Good. Good.

Asli [01:41:38]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:41:38]:
Okay. So what do we got? Final thoughts, hase?

Mike [01:41:43]:
Final thoughts.

Eldar [01:41:43]:
What are your final thoughts, hase?

Asli [01:41:46]:
My final thoughts about what we started.

Eldar [01:41:48]:
We started out that, you know, we're gonna talk about being too selfless, you know, when it comes to work, how.

Asli [01:41:57]:
Funny this is right now.

Eldar [01:41:58]:
Right. Wow.

Asli [01:42:00]:
I was hiding behind it.

Eldar [01:42:02]:
Yeah. What were you hiding?

Asli [01:42:06]:
Right. I think to say, like, what I understood about all of this is, I think I was not fully. I thought I'm fully aware of my anxiety.

Eldar [01:42:21]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:42:21]:
But I wasn't. I. I was only aware of my anxiety on Sundays.

Eldar [01:42:28]:
Yes.

Asli [01:42:28]:
Being afraid of Mondays. But this is a huge hole of anxiety that I created for myself, and I think the $80 is worth this anxiety, you know?

Eldar [01:42:41]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:42:42]:
So it's paid well.

Eldar [01:42:44]:
Yeah. Good.

Asli [01:42:44]:
Yeah. Good, good. It's a very different thought pattern that I have to learn to implement myself, to grow with that, and to make it as a part of myself. I think challenges are awaiting me, and it's very interesting, you know, for me, I feel a type of a little bit shame because, like, I thought I'm very selfless, but to see that, like, behind this, I'm hiding, like, you know, my ego.

Eldar [01:43:24]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:43:25]:
And trying to flower it with my selfless.

Eldar [01:43:27]:
That's right. That was a voice.

Asli [01:43:29]:
That was. That was very funny.

Eldar [01:43:31]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:43:34]:
But it's gonna be. I think this thing is gonna be a very big growth for me.

Eldar [01:43:40]:
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Asli [01:43:42]:
For many, many relationships in my life.

Eldar [01:43:46]:
Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. This is revolution inside our state.

Asli [01:43:51]:
Yeah. It's gonna be very big. I feel it. And I have, like, this is the first step that I have to tell myself. I believe myself enough that I can do it, you know?

Eldar [01:44:03]:
Good.

Asli [01:44:05]:
And I'm very thankful for you guys, for sure.

Eldar [01:44:08]:
No problem, Mike.

Mike [01:44:11]:
Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely. Yeah. Excited to see how the, you know, the weekend and the week transpires in the presentation that, you know, we're going to receive next week, for sure. Yeah. I mean, looking forward to seeing that. I would like to be pleasantly surprised, I'm sure. Forward to that, for sure.

Eldar [01:44:34]:
Yeah. Well, first of all, I say thank you so much for being honest. It does take. It does take courage, I think, to come here and to put your. Your life on the line here. You know, you. This is what you're doing. You know what I mean? We ultimately.

Eldar [01:44:49]:
What are we trying to do, right? You trying to suicide pretty much. Right?

Asli [01:44:52]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:44:52]:
Your old self and reinvent or give.

Asli [01:44:55]:
Birth to a new one.

Eldar [01:44:56]:
Right.

Asli [01:44:56]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:44:57]:
That's. That's. Man, that's. That takes guts, courage and stuff like that, you know what I mean? So good job, you know, on that. On that part. I hope that this actually transpires and, you know, you change your life for the better.

Asli [01:45:08]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:45:09]:
I would love to see that. You know what I mean? I'm also. I'm also excited to see the presentation on Friday now that, you know, we're harsh critics already.

Asli [01:45:18]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:45:18]:
She knows what she's up against, you know what I mean? Because if she can pass us.

Asli [01:45:22]:
Yeah.

Eldar [01:45:24]:
What's. What's passing somebody else's stuff, you know what I mean? Yeah. That will be easy. So, like, that's. That's. That's, like, more. More power to you, you know what I mean? And I'd love to see that, I think, because you know, what you're up against with us. Like, she has to do a good job, and I'm excited for that, for sure.

Eldar [01:45:40]:
So, yeah. So definitely thank you, you know, for allowing us to, you know, maybe play a very important part in your life, you know what I mean? And obviously thank Dennis.

Asli [01:45:49]:
Yes.

Eldar [01:45:49]:
Because I don't know which part of him thought to throw you into a philosophy bubble.

Asli [01:45:53]:
Good part.

Eldar [01:45:55]:
He must have fell down somewhere.

Mike [01:46:00]:
In the gutter. Yeah.

Eldar [01:46:06]:
What. I mean, to do this to his own life. All right, so. Yeah. So that's that's my final thoughts. That's awesome. You know what I mean? It's definitely an awesome topic. It's awesome opportunity.

Mike [01:46:18]:
It's huge changing event.

Eldar [01:46:21]:
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Mike [01:46:23]:
Potentially, you know?

Eldar [01:46:24]:
Potentially for sure, you know, so, yeah. More power to you. Yeah, totally.

Toliy [01:46:31]:
Yeah. I mean, I think that it's always interesting when you come in, for one thing, and you get some. Something different.

Asli [01:46:37]:
Yeah.

Toliy [01:46:37]:
That's always like a funny but good phenomenon. You know.

Eldar [01:46:41]:
It's meant to be that way.

Toliy [01:46:42]:
Yeah, yeah. I think it's meant to be because I think it's very difficult on your own to actually see what's going on.

Asli [01:46:47]:
Yes.

Toliy [01:46:48]:
Because you have a lot of emotions and feelings tied with it. When you tell to us we don't have any of them, I can go in there and tell that lady, like, everything that, like, needs to be said, no problem.

Asli [01:47:00]:
Yeah.

Toliy [01:47:00]:
Right. Because I don't really care.

Asli [01:47:02]:
Yeah.

Toliy [01:47:02]:
You know, so, yeah, I think that part is good.

Asli [01:47:08]:
Yeah.

Toliy [01:47:08]:
You know, so, yeah, I'm definitely excited for the presentation.

Asli [01:47:11]:
Yes.

Toliy [01:47:12]:
Not surprised if you don't come at all.

Eldar [01:47:13]:
Yeah.

Asli [01:47:15]:
Guys, one thing. I don't do this.

Eldar [01:47:21]:
You're a woman of your word and.

Asli [01:47:22]:
We'Re going to see it. I am.

Eldar [01:47:24]:
Okay, cool. Yeah. All right. Good job, guys. Thank you. That was great.

Mike [01:47:29]:
Thank you. Yeah.