Love, Heartbreak, and Cheating in Islam #64

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Welcome everyone to episode number 64 from Delving Into Islam podcast. This is your host, Wail. And it is a blessing from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and a privilege that I'm able to talk to you about the religion of Islam and that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is allowing me to share my knowledge with you. Thank you so much for listening and participating and sending in all your questions.

And speaking of which, if you have any questions or suggestions, please email me at delvingintoislam at gmail.com. Again, delvingintoislam at gmail.com, and I will get back to you as soon as possible, inshallah. Now, this podcast is for anyone, whether you are remotely curious about the religion of Islam, or if you're thinking about becoming a Muslim, or if you just became a Muslim.

Or, you know, if you are a Muslim who just want to learn more about Islam, this podcast is for you, inshallah. Now, with that being said, let's get right into today's topic. And today's topic comes to us from our listener, Adam. Adam, thank you so much for your question and for... letting us and allowing us to talk about today's topic. Now, Adam has a very...

A very complicated story. He sent me a very lengthy email. But inshallah, I'm going to summarize the story for you guys. And there's a lot to learn from such a story. Adam is newly married. He got married, I think, like a year and a half ago or two years ago. And, you know, they don't have kids, him and his wife. And because of COVID, he started working from home. His wife is working from home and problems started to arise.

She started stating that, and again, we were not there, but this is what Adam is saying. And again, we're taking what Adam is saying at face value. And she started pointing out. things in his personality now they're you know spending more time together at home that um that she doesn't like and he started doing the same thing so it became you know what was a happy marriage

in the span of like two years or a year and a half became now, you know, pointing out issues and defects in each personality. And... Things started to happen, and then he found out from one of his friends that his wife, when she goes and meets her friends, she makes fun of him and talks about him in a very negative way and say all the bad things.

And I think one of the wives' husband heard what happened and he went and told him. And she was basically saying that she was exposing a lot of his secrets. and painting them in a negative way and that made him you know you know resent his wife even more and then he met someone uh because of work like online like

some new girl that she was working with them, I think. I believe she was also a Muslim. And they developed some mutual, you know, liking or, you know, some attraction. So she knew he was married. But they still went on and they had a relationship. He said the relationship didn't go to the, you know, like the haram. physical haram stuff but they were going out you know getting you know coffee together having lunches dinner whatever but they didn't get to the physical so it was not again

It didn't get that far. But still, he was seeing her behind his wife's back, which is just straight up cheating on his wife since his wife does not know what he's doing. That developed and they agreed that he was going to divorce his wife, the one he literally just married two years ago. And he was going to marry her, but then he started seeing in her...

bad qualities that he didn't like. And we're going to mention some of those qualities that he mentioned. So he wanted to call it off. He started changing towards her. She noticed that. So she flipped on him, the new girl. And she basically accused him of chasing her, even though they had, based on what Adam is saying, an actual relationship, mutual.

But then she went to her friends and family saying, oh, this guy, my coworker or whatever, he's chasing me even though he's married. And she basically claimed that it's all coming from him, that she doesn't like that even though... again it was mutual so that he was shocked uh and uh he was heartbroken

So he started, you know, he just let go of the whole thing. He told her he doesn't want to see her or talk to her ever again. She keeps coming back and forth to him. He's saying that she was acting like she was... like she was crazy she was she lost her mind and one time she would say just leave me alone why are you chasing me but then the other day she'll call him and she's like i need you and i need to talk to you and you know the the kind of drama with

a relationship between, you know, it's unstable relationship, the drama that you would get from an unstable relationship. and Haram relationship as well. And so he decided to go back to his wife, even though... And he still is hurt by what she said about him. He never confronted her because supposedly he's not supposed to know about it. And he's trying to work on his marriage.

and he's just saying he's going to see where that takes them, him and his wife. So he's asking what should he do and how should he react. He still feels a lot of confusion and pain from both.

kind of relationships and he knows that what he did was wrong he knows that cheating on his wife was was not the way to go but still he's he's confused about the entire situation and he just doesn't know what to do and what if it doesn't work out with his wife and all these things so inshallah we will talk today about this First of all, thank you so much for your courage, Adam, for sharing such a really deep story. Again, the email was really, really, you know, it was in full detail.

But of course, I'm not going to sit down and read the email for you guys. So this is basically the gist on the summary with some things that I'm going to tell you throughout the episode. I'm going to mention them when the time comes.

So yeah, this is basically it. Now, there's a lot to learn from this story. And the reason why I was really interested in telling this story is that because this is so relatable to a lot of people nowadays, specifically, you know, our youth. People who are newly married or people who are, you know, they, there is a new concept of love in today's world and because of the social media and, you know. the digitalization of the world today. It's just love became totally different.

And we will talk about that. So we need to divide the episode into, like you've seen in the title, the love and heartbreak and the cheating part. But we're going to start with the cheating part because that's the beginning of our story. And then we're going to go to the love. part and then the heartbreak and the conclusion of all this inshallah this should not be a very long episode because we're mainly talking about uh

what Islam says, and then logically speaking, what should we do as well? So they're supposed to be simple, inshallah, even though the topic is not simple, but explaining how it works, inshallah, should be simple. So let me start by saying that no matter what happened between you and your wife, no matter what happened between you and your wife, okay, you cannot go and cheat on her, start a relationship, whether it's physical or not.

It's called cheating. You cannot go and tell someone else that you have feelings for or that you love them while you are married and your wife knows that you are loyal to her. Now, if your wife... Agree to A divorce If you went to your wife And said I want a divorce And then you went In a halal way And started a relationship And the relationship In a halal way Is basically You propose to someone You want to marry them You see someone

And you think they're the one and you want to marry them. This is the halal way. Then you are allowed to go and say to someone, I love you or all these things while there are your halal for you, right? Other than that, no.

And I know that you understand that and you clearly know that what you did was wrong. But now this story is not just about Adam. This is about all of us. This is about... literally every single one in adam's position or you know they have a little part of adam's story in them so my

All of us might not share Adam's exact story, but maybe bits and pieces from here and there that we are sharing with Adam. So yeah, cheating is not a good thing. Even trying to... talk to someone else other than your spouse with the intention of you know that you like them or you're attracted to them is still a type of cheating so yeah now liking someone and not acting upon it

like we always say in Islam, is not sinful. If you feel that you have... feelings towards someone else and you don't act upon it in a non-halal way so for example if you don't go try to talk to them while you're married or you go you go try to talk to them not in a you know not on the boundaries of marriage or not in a non-halal way then yeah you're fine as long as you keep it inside of you. So emotions...

are things that we cannot control. And because we cannot control, the only thing we can control is our actions. And as long as we do not take actions when it comes to haram stuff, then we're good, inshallah. Cheating is not an excuse. Whatever happened between you and your wife is not an excuse for you or does not justify you.

Going and cheating on her And by the way For those who cheat Whether men or women On the day of judgment Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Will bring you literally Two plates of meat One is really well cooked looks really nice type of meat and the other plate will have rotten meat in it this is a hadith by the prophet that tells us that the person who cheats whether man or woman they will be forced to uh not touch the good uh looking meat the cooked meat and they will eat from the rotten meat

And this is on the day of judgment. This is once they're resurrected before even the judgment of Allah. And by the way, any punishment that happens on the day of judgment, expiate from our sins so it's actually a good thing because when you meet Allah you want to expiate as much as possible from your sins so why is that though for the cheaters for those who cheat why is that well

It's really simple because you left the halal. You cheated on your spouse. You left the halal and you chose the haram. So Allah will force you to leave the good cooked pure meat. And you will eat from the rotten one. Because that's what you chose in life. Think about it. You chose the haram. You chose the rotten relationship. And you left.

The halal. You left a good relationship. No matter what. Now, nobody's asking you to stick with your spouse if they were abusive or if it was not working out. That's never... No, nobody's asking that. Actually, divorce in Islam is 100% permissible. as long as you observe the rulings and the conditions of divorce. Other than that, it's permissible. You know, there is a hadith going around. It's actually been around that people say that إِنَّ أَبْغَدِ الْحَلَالِ عِندَ اللَّهِ الطَّلَاقِ

The most hated halal thing to do is divorce. This hadith is not authentic in any way, shape, or form, just to let you know. talaq which is divorce is halal period there is no allah does not hate it allah does not dislike it if it's necessary now Don't misquote me by saying if divorce is necessary, then go ahead. Allah won't hate it.

Allah didn't say that. The Prophet ﷺ did not say that. So do not restrict it. If you can't live your life with your spouse, if you think it's impossible, if it's affecting you negatively, go ahead and divorce your spouse. There is a whole chapter in the Quran called the divorce, a talaq. Allah is telling you, when you want a divorce, do this and do that and do that. Like Allah is telling us the rulings of divorce. That means divorce is halal.

So don't think for a second that divorce, I don't want a divorce. So what are you going to do? Cheat? That's a sin. Divorcing is not a sin. Cheating is a sin. Do you understand? So what would you choose? So that's why on a day of judgment, people who cheated on their spouses...

I mean, now granted, if you repent to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, if you admit your mistake and repent to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, inshallah, that won't happen. Allah will forgive you, inshallah. Allah said that. But I'm saying for those who don't repent, those who don't feel anymore,

yeah that's that's what's gonna happen so yeah so whatever happened between you and your wife if you feel like you cannot live uh with your spouse then divorce her or him and and now like i said divorce should not be your first go like you go to like you don't just right away want to

divorce your spouse because of a simple fight or a simple argument that's actually not healthy and not mature. And Muslims should not, and this is again, this is not that divorce is dislike, but Muslims should not be irrational. in general, especially when it comes to marriage. You know, sometimes wives will say things that will upset men. Sometimes men will say things that will upset wives.

The whole key, and by the way, and we'll talk about this. This is a very interesting hadith. I'll get to it in a second. But just try to be patient. Try to understand. Try to confront. your spouse and tell them, I don't like this. We need to work on our marriage. And if none of this works, go ahead and divorce.

Nobody's telling you do not divorce, okay? But we're saying that divorce should be your last resort, that if you cannot work things out, then yeah, go ahead and divorce. So that's for that. Now, there's a hadith.

by the Prophet ﷺ, which is very interesting that Satan brings his followers, the shayateen, you know, the devils, he brings them every day. And tells him, gives them their tasks after Fajr, after dawn in the morning. And towards the end of the day, they come to him back, report to him, and they basically tell Satan, what they've been doing and how far they went with the children of Adam, with us, with the humans, and how much of sins that they make us do and they tempt us with.

And this is a beautiful hadith. So one of the devils, one of the shayateen will come to Satan and will tell him, hey, I made someone drink today. Satan will be like, great, great. What else? Oh, I made a Muslim, you know, commit adultery today. Wow, wonderful. Good for you. And then... another thing will, another, you know, shaitan will come to Satan and will say, I made a Muslim commit murder or made someone, you know, commit murder. But then, one,

of the Shayateen will come and will say, I separated between a Muslim man and his wife. I caused them to get divorced. I broke that family. This is an authentic hadith, my dear brothers and sisters. Satan will bring him, will put a crown on him, and he will say, this is the employee of the day. That you are the one. Literally, he will say you are the one. You are the one. Satan will say. Why though? Why does Satan care so much about divorce? Separation?

He cares about this more than murder? What? That doesn't make sense. It does. Why? Breaking a family breaks the potential for so many good things. Number one. When you separate between a husband and a wife, a Muslim husband and a wife, they both could get corrupted now they're single. They could. By the way, one of the reasons why we should get married early on...

is so we don't get corrupted by society and we don't try to do wrong things. Marriage is protection for individuals, men and women. So when you separate, okay, that protection now is gone.

Also, if the husband and the wife didn't have kids, you ruin the chance of... having a healthy muslim family kids that you you destroyed the chance of them having kids in the first place And if they have kids, you made these kids confused now because they're going to be torn between the parents, separated parents, and they wouldn't know what to do and all these things.

So yeah, that makes Satan really happy. You're destroying a family, whether it's before it was built or whether it was after it's built. Now you can corrupt the children because the parents are not there. Look at what Satan is. Satan is very smart. He looks ahead. He plans ahead. He doesn't care about a sin right now. I want to get these kids.

And I want to destroy their lives. And I want them to commit that murder that this guy, this chiton was telling me about. Now I can have him murder. I can have her drink alcohol. I can have him commit adultery. I can control this family because it's broken. And that is his goal when it comes to the Muslim community. And if you break a family and then another shaitan breaks a family. Now, I'm not saying the cause of issues between spouses is shaitan. But...

No, it's us. But shaitan fuels it with anger and irrationality, and he makes us want to just end it. That's why I'm telling you, be patient. Take a deep breath and try to discuss it with your spouse. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But try your best. So nothing justifies cheating. Try to work it out. If it doesn't work out, then... Just, you know, get divorced and then start a new life with someone else in a halal way. That is for the cheating part. Let's talk about the love part.

Now, there is a big difference between love and infatuation. You could be attracted physically to someone or attracted to their money. or attracted to the way they look or whatever, how they present themselves or how they talk. But that's not love. That's called infatuation. It's an attraction. Love is when you... fall in love with someone's personality how they act how they talk how they think how they feel it's all about personality infatuation oh i see someone who

You know, they look good. Okay, nice. I want to get married now. Or not, unfortunately, in many cases. That's called an infatuation. We have, as Muslims, to understand the difference. Do not fall on... Do not miss... understand your infatuation and call it love. A lot of our youth, and a lot of adults actually, they think that they're in love with someone, but as a matter of fact, they don't. They're just infatuated by them, right? And this is key.

Because this is a mistake that we all are susceptible to make. We all are guilty of sometimes that we look at people outwardly from the outside. And we want to be... either with them or we resent them, again, depending on the outside image that they present themselves in. And that is a big mistake. A smart Muslim would choose whether a male or a female.

You choose your spouse, the one you want to marry. So now, first of all, let me just put the definition of a relationship, of a halal relationship in Islam. It is the relationship between a man and a woman in the boundaries of marriage. That is it. That is a halal relationship. Anything beyond that in terms of like romance is not halal. When the holidays start to feel a bit repetitive.

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so now how do you know how do you you know and and again i'm i'm okay with you falling like liking someone and being with someone without you know Like, okay, I understand that certain people arranged marriage is good for them. And certain people, they want to know the person from work or whatever. At the end of the day, as long as they're not quote unquote dating, then you're fine.

If you know someone and they want them to propose to you, or if you know someone and you want to propose to, in both cases, I think it's fine as long as you didn't cross the line of the haram. So, when you love someone... The Prophet ﷺ actually laid this very clearly. The Prophet ﷺ said, you can marry a girl for her looks, for her family name. for her wealth, and for her religion. But he didn't end it there. Like, he didn't say these are all equal, so you can pick and choose. The Prophet ﷺ said,

But basically, if you're a smart Muslim, the true believer, pick the one with the religion. Forget about the rest.

So, in other ways, the Prophet ﷺ is telling us it's not haram for a man to like a girl's... uh you know looks and and that you know he thinks she's beautiful and that's why he wants to marry her there's nothing wrong there's nothing as long as he goes about it the right way there's nothing haram with that so it's very clear the prophet is telling us it's not haram to be attracted to someone

As long as you act upon it in a halal way. And it's not wrong to be attracted to a girl from a specific family you want to marry into that family and all these things. Again, it's not haram. There's nothing sinful about it. And it's not haram to want to marry someone that, you know, she has a high status in society and she is, you know, has wealth. Not haram. And of course, it's not haram to, you know, want to marry someone because she's religious.

But then the Prophet ﷺ told you what you should pick as a Muslim man, which is marry the one with the religion. Forget about the rest. I mean, they're not haram, but don't make it a priority. The Prophet ﷺ is saying. You know what fathfir means? Win. Grab the one with the religion. Win her. Shows you the status of

A religious girl. Now, unfortunately in today's world, when guys look at girls, they look at all the wrong things. Do they look good in front of the camera? Because we have social media now is playing a big role in all of this. Does she look cool? Does she look beautiful? Okay, that's it. I don't care about a single thing.

Yes, this is not haram as long as you're going to go about it the halal way, but at the end of the day, you will pay the price. Do you know why? When you marry someone, when you become with a partner, a life partner in Islam, You're choosing a future mother for your children. If that future mother is not religiously, spiritually, psychologically equipped to handle being a mother, you are going to suffer. She needs to have knowledge.

She needs to be a Muslim because you want her to be an example for your children as well. You are an example and she has to be an example as well. It takes two to build a family. Sometimes it takes one, of course, when a spouse dies or separation happens, but I'm saying that the normal, the norm is it takes a husband and a wife to build a family. So when you...

decide that I'm just going to pick a girl based on her looks. Now, I'm addressing the men first. I'm going to address the women in a second. then you're committing a big mistake. You're doing a big mistake to yourself and to your future children. And looks go away. Looks, you know. My dear brothers and sisters, that's the sunnah of life. Beautiful people become less beautiful by age. The more they grow up in age, the more their beauty goes away.

Allah made us this way. Wrinkles. You see wrinkles in their faces. You see, you know, their features change. Their body shape changes. All these things happen. For a reason. Because Allah is telling you, none of this matters. None of this will last. Looks won't last. Money might not last. So why would you pick?

A spouse, a wife, because we're talking to the men now, why would you do that based on something that you know it wouldn't last? The looks will go and then what's going to happen? You're going to resent her? Because that's all what you cared about? Or are you going to learn to love her? Okay, that could happen, but then it doesn't happen in all the cases. It doesn't happen. Be smart. You're making a huge choice.

for you and your family, the future family. Now, that's one thing. Another thing is, the Prophet ﷺ is also talking now to the ladies. He's saying that, choose, he's talking to actually the parents of the ladies. Choose, if a person comes to you, if a guy comes to you, and he has religion, and he has good manners, choose that person. Marry him to your daughters. Now, men...

They still could look. There's nothing wrong with you want to look. You want to find a man who looks good. He looks presentable.

You know, you want to find a specific, you know, charming personality, makes you laugh, makes you, takes you out, you know, showing you love and all these things. But, I mean, these things you will not know unless... you know you're married to the person right the whole like how he cares about you because supposedly you guys didn't meet before then or you're not dating right and again the prophet said

If a guy comes to you and he's religious, you know that he's religious. He fears Allah in your daughters. He's talking to the parents. Do it. Because wallahi, listen to me. a lot of guys will look good, will look very handsome, and they will look presentable, and they're charming. But once the girl marries that guy, based solely on that,

He disrespects her. He's not religious. He doesn't want to pray. He doesn't care. And if you have your father, now we're talking about children who are born from this marriage, disrespecting your mother, not caring about your mother, not caring about religion, then this family is also religiously destroyed. Because if the father doesn't care about the religion, because at the end of the day, we all agree that the father should have the more...

bigger influence when it comes to the religion on the children, right? Should. I'm not saying that that's the case all the time. So if the father is, that's why, by the way, Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim women. That's one of the reasons. Because the men, the fathers, whether they're Muslims or not, will have the bigger influence on their children when it comes to the religion.

and they follow the religion of the father. That's why another thing. So now if the father doesn't care about the religion, does not want you to pray, doesn't want to pray, would never push you to pray, then it's done. This family, and wallahi, the family is nothing without religion.

The family is, it could be a loving family traveling, oh my God, every year to a different country, having fun, taking pictures, putting them on Instagram. Those are all great. This family equals zero in the sight of Allah. if there is no religion involved zero means nothing they are not protected from shaitan they're not protected from hellfire as long as they don't care about the religion you don't want that

Religion is important, my dear brothers and sisters. Wallahi, when you choose someone, it is critical. I'm not asking you to choose a scholar, you know, whether as a man or as a woman. Do not... Pick a scholar spouse. I'm not asking you to marry a sheikh or a alima or a female scholar. No. I'm asking you to marry someone who is religious enough that you feel comfortable that you will grow together.

If he or she was already religious Like very religious Amazing The work will be less In terms of developing your religion together But if someone is average And when I say average, I mean at least praying five times a day, not missing Salah, unless, you know...

By mistake Or you know Not intentionally Unintentionally And someone who fasts Someone who reads Quran Knows about Quran Not a memorizer Just I'm saying to you The average Muslim Pick that person Because Wallahi If you pick based on looks, money, career, none of that matters in the sight of Allah. And it won't matter after you get married to them for many years because all the glamour, all of this facade, this will all go and fall. Looks will disappear, like I said.

Money, position, you'll get used to Okay, no problem And your life will be empty You were talking about love. Love is to love someone's personality. And the number one thing a Muslim should love about someone's personality is their religiousness. how they are religious, the degree of their religiousness and their being close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. I mean, if you can get both, wonderful.

Being religious and having good looks and having money. If you can get it all, mashallah, amazing. But I'm saying if you had to choose, choose the one with the religion. Whether for males or females. to be clear. Do not be infatuated by people that will basically, you know, you will regret that choice that you made. You're going to be happy for the first year, maybe two years, but then...

It will get boring because you did not choose in the right way. Now, so that is for how to choose in terms of the difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation is physical attraction. appearance-wise attraction, and any attraction that's basically shallow, if you want to call it. But...

True love is someone that you know that you love their personality and the number one trait that you should love about them is their closeness to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala because that will affect you and your future children in the future, inshallah. Now...

Adam also mentioned that when he went to that girl, that other girl, she had... whatchamacallit like she had um bad oh yeah the red flags he found out he did not like certain things about her personality and those things he mentioned a few things and he said based on those things i just

realize that she's not the one she can't be the one and these things by the way he said that his wife didn't have so his wife had problems that were manageable except i know when she talked bad about him and we will address that in a second um Other than that, that's what hurt him the most, according to what Adam is saying.

But he said that this new girl is basically, she's addicted to social media. She likes to post pictures of herself. He said she's not hijabi. She doesn't wear hijab. She refuses to wear hijab because she says that it makes her ugly. and all these things which is ridiculous claim i can't even believe people still say that um because again it's all about the looks right it's not about pleasing allah it's about how you look in front of people other people

which none of them will help you when you stand in front of Allah on the day of judgment. So yeah, good on you for not wearing hijab because you don't want to look ugly in front of people. But anyway, he's saying that she, again, likes people flirting with her online. Like he would be reading some comments or whatever on her pages or whatever, social media pages, and she just likes.

When complete strangers or non-strangers, just from the opposite sex, from the guys, say, oh, you're very hot looking or you look so beautiful. And that is a terrible... terrible trait in a woman or in a man when they just like to be flirted with. It's just very degrading and it shows how cheap you are in terms of valuating or you valuing yourself.

Also, he said she's very vulgar. She curses a lot. She's very aggressive when they have conversations. And by the way, I'm mentioning this because these are things we should be aware of. When you're looking at a partner, when you're looking at a potential spouse, be careful. These things will affect your relationship after you get married and it's going to be worse. It's only going to get worse.

He's saying she has issues and she doesn't like her family. Her family doesn't like her. I don't know. I think she lives away from her family. She doesn't live with her family anymore.

Again, which is a Muslim girl should not be doing that unless there are a few exceptions here and there. But anyway, she is saying that he said there's a lot of things that basically made him say, no, I'm good. She's not the one. My wife has problems, but she's not even close to this, right? And at the end of the day, let's look at this list. Someone who is refusing to wear hijab because she wants to look pretty all the time.

is shows how shallow she is and i don't know that person again i wasn't there i'm not judging anyone i'm talking about the personality in general anybody with that trait is lacking knowledge you don't know what's good for you You don't know that wearing hijab pleases Allah. You look beautiful in the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, not in the sight of people. You're trying to wear hijab.

not to look beautiful, not to look more attractive. You're actually trying to wear hijab so people won't look at you as much. That is the whole purpose of wearing the hijab. So nobody wears the hijab to look more attractive. to look more beautiful. People look weird at hijab so people wouldn't look at them as much and treat them based on their personality, not based on their looks.

But again, at the end of the day, it's a matter of knowledge. Maybe she knows all of this and she still refuses. We don't know. We'll never know. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala forgive her and guide her to the right path and guide Adam and fix his situation with his wife and guide his wife and also fix the situation between them.

So that is one thing. Being addicted to social media is something that a lot of today's world's Muslims suffer from, whether in the West, whether in the East. Yeah, we're very attached to our social media. Not in a healthy way. You know, he's saying that, again, being vulgar is not something that, it's a headache. You know, you're planning on marrying someone and they're already being vulgar to you. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

And you don't want to, Muslim should not be vulgar and a Muslim should not be difficult to deal with. Yes, I know once in a while we could have problems and we could have anger issues and once in a while, but that should not be our default. personality. Shouldn't be. So that is one thing. Another thing is you, and I know I mentioned this in the beginning of the episode, but you're going about it the wrong way.

First of all, it's not that you just cheated. You're actually in a relationship that's not in the boundaries of marriage, like I said. Yeah, so none of this matters. I know that all these things gave you a red flag and whatever, but yeah, none of this matters because you were in it in the wrong way from the beginning. Now, I want to address the wife.

The wife who said things about her husband made fun of him. Again, this is we're all assuming that we're not there. I'm taking what Adam said at face value. One of the biggest things in the sight of Allah in terms of sinning. and in terms of committing injustice against the spouse, is a wife who makes fun of her husband, complains about her husband, even to her husband, when the husband is, you know...

taking care of the family, taking care of whether financially or emotionally or spiritually, encapsulating the family. And I'm not being a cliche. That's what a husband's role should be. Right, this is not a backwards religion. For those who think, oh, well, it's not all about the husband. Yes, women.

are equal when it comes to responsibilities with the children. But at the end of the day, the husband will be held responsible for many things in the household. So yes, by default, the husband has a bigger role. That does not mean men are better than women. Don't misquote what I'm saying. I'm just saying that. So, yeah. So now, when you, after all of this...

You go and talk bad about your husband behind his back and make fun of him in front of your friends, and that will make your friends look at him in a very degrading way. This is a major sin. This is something that Allah does not like at all. And by the way, talking about people backbiting regardless is a terrible major sin.

And by the way, on the day of judgment, your husband will come and will take many of your good deeds because you were backbiting against him. You were making fun of him behind his back. And this is something that's really an... It's non-Islamic. It's un-Islamic. You cannot do this. And that's what happened when your husband found out. He resented you more.

You should not do that. You have a problem with your husband or you have a problem with your wife. You go and you confront your spouse. You know, a husband should not go talk bad about his wife behind her back and make fun of her. This is un-Islamic, my dear brothers and sisters. And a wife should not do the same. If you have a problem with your spouse, fix it between you. And if it can't be fixed, like I said, get divorced. Why take sins? Why gain sins?

When you don't, it's like unnecessary weight on your shoulders when you try to gain sense for no reason. Why go talk bad about your husband? Just go talk to him. Or you go talk to her if you're the one, if the husband was the one talking about his wife. Why piling up sins for no reason? It's not logical. Fix things. And if things can't be fixed, then... get divorced, you know, get a divorce and, and, and, and just leave peacefully without, you know, making all getting against sins for no reason.

Now I want to move on to the last stage or the last portion of this, which is the heartbreak. So now we talked about love. the difference between love talked about cheating and how should we choose uh to act upon things cheating is not justified by any way shape or form a message from mcafee Wondering why the post office is texting you? Or why you owe thousands of dollars in toll fees? Because someone's trying to scam you.

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And when you, and I understand that Adam had a heartbreak when he found out what his wife did behind his back or she said about him. And he also had a heartbreak from that girl, which is, it's not his right because it was a haram relationship in the first place. But let's just deal with it as, let's say if it's a halal relationship.

And he found out that this girl went and talked and literally claimed something about him that he was the one chasing her. And, you know, he was the one who tried to force a relationship. wrongfully accused him of something he didn't do, even though he still committed haram by trying to be with her in a relationship while he was married or in a non-halal relationship, period. And that shocked him. Now, first of all, number one, what were you expecting? A girl with all the stuff that you said.

Yeah, it wouldn't be very difficult to imagine that she would go and say, well, I did not approve this relationship. He was trying to force me into it or he was trying to approach me inappropriately. And yeah, I'm not surprised. I don't know why were you surprised. when she said that even after you found out that she has all these other issues. So that should not be surprising. However...

I understand that this could cause a heartbreak and this could cause a heartbreak is a heartbreak. No matter what we say about like how wrong it was in the first place or not, it's still a heartbreak and it still feels painful. you should get closer to Allah. That is the first cure of a heartbreak. Heartbreak is a disease of the heart. So you have to understand that it's a disease of the heart.

You feel pain, you feel that, you know, it kind of, there are different symptoms of a heartbreak and different, you know, signs of a heartbreak, but you know a heartbreak when you're, you know, going through it. Get closer to Allah and rest assured that Allah is the only one who can take you out of any bad emotion, heartbreak or not. Allah is the one capable of extracting you from that heartbreak and taking and fixing your heart. Allah fixes the hearts.

This is mentioned in the hadith, Allah fixes the hearts that are broken. So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the only one capable of fixing, not you, not your strength, not your going to therapy or Allah is. Now, if you need to go to therapy for other reasons or whatever, yes, of course, go ahead. By the way, nobody is degrading the whole therapy. We had a whole discussion about that, but I'm just saying that Allah ultimately is the one who fixes the hearts. Go back to Allah.

You understood that what you did was wrong and you got your taste of your own medicine. You betrayed your wife in a way and now you were betrayed by that new girl who said, I did not. He was... you know, trying to force me into a relationship and he was married and I didn't. I mean, she knew that you were married and that was the first actually red flag. I didn't mention that. That was the first red flag. Forget about this whole, you know, social media addiction or...

being validated by complete strangers, knowing that you're married and she still went ahead with that relationship was just the number one flag. And again, that was your punishment. This is good. By the way, yes, this is good. Allah is basically, number one, Allah did you a favor. Allah exposed that person in front of you. This is a blessing. And Allah made you wake up a little bit. So, you know, look at it this way. Allah pinched your ear.

It's a metaphor, of course. Allah pinched your ear instead of you being shot with a bullet. So if someone come and gave you a slap, isn't that better of you getting shot? Right? So someone slapped you so you wouldn't get shot in the future. That's exactly what happened. Just a heartbreak because you found out the person betrayed you and said wrongfully things about you. Okay, great.

But that prevented a greater harm, which was going to be you marrying that girl, maybe. You was going to marry someone. You were going to end your marriage. Whether your marriage is happy now or not. I mean, I know you're working on it and everything and inshallah it works out, but like you were going to end the marriage for someone who was clearly wrong for you. Wouldn't you prefer to get the heartbreak now?

Or would you prefer to get it after marriage? Because guess what? Maybe after marriage you were going to marry this girl and then she was going to still be attracted to other men and still want other men to flirt with her. What then? That's your wife. She was going to be your wife, and how are you going to trust her? Someone who wants to be validated by the opposite gender. I think it's good for you. That heartbreak is actually a blessing in disguise.

And many heartbreaks, by the way, if it's a heartbreak when it comes to romance, let's say, and again, hopefully we're talking about halal romance here. I'm not giving any dating advice because dating is... haram and dating is actually what breaks us the most and it's just it's stay away from anything that's basically try to please allah more than you pleasing yourself please

My dear brothers and sisters, wallahi, this is only a win-win situation if you try to please Allah. However, heartbreaks stem from bad relationships. Now, sometimes a good relationship will end with a heartbreak because, but at the end of the day, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. Like that was meant to be. If you can fix it, fix it. But if you can't, don't live in that heartbreak.

Know that Allah did this for a reason. Allah maybe gave you a slap now because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said, Do not hate something that it might be good for you. You know, Allah is very clear. Because Allah knows what you do not know. So maybe Allah knows that your future with that individual was going to be disastrous. It was going to be a catastrophe. So what did Allah do?

He just ended it right now with a little slap on the face because that person could have shot you, I mean, again, metaphorically, and ended you. You could have been destroyed completely, but Allah chose to just give you a little... you know, ear pinch or like, you know, a little slap just to wake you up. Because at the end of the day, you did wrong. And for a lot, because it could have, like I said, it could have gotten way worse. To me, the situation that you basically...

told us about is not that bad. And I understand a heartbreak is something you cannot control. So go back to Allah. Thank him for what he did for you. Thank him for what he did for you. Then, Get closer to the religion. Because nothing cures heartbreak like being close to Allah. Like I said, Allah is the one who fixes the hearts. Being close to Allah makes it an easy fix. You understand?

Rest assured, and one of the methods of curing a heartbreak is that you need to understand that, look at the bigger picture, which is we're not here to, you know. feel the pain and live in the pain. No, move on. And always put Jannah. This is our prize, my dear brothers. This is our goal. This is our aim.

Yes, building a family, being with the right people should be part of that. But the main goal, do not let anything distract you from the goal, which is Janna, paradise. Once you know the bigger picture, anything else will happen. will be minor compared to that bigger picture. I'm not saying we're not going to feel pain. I'm not saying we're not going to feel sad. We're going to, you know, the loss of loved ones, all this is we're going to feel.

But rest assured that this is all coming from Allah in the best way possible. Allah prevented you from falling into a bigger problem in the future. That's one thing. Another thing is... Rest assured that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala also said in the chapter of Hadid Allah is saying any catastrophe calamity, any hardship, any heartbreak that you feel, it was already written upon you. And Allah is saying, I am telling you this, it was already written.

in the law within a preserved tablet because I don't want you to feel extremely or extremely angry. I want you to understand this was meant to be, so you have to deal with it. Deal with it by being patient, by getting close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, by doing all the right things. Change your personality of who you are.

the better. This was already a blessing in disguise, Wallah. A blessing in disguise. You know, again, a heartbreak is something, if your heart is broken because of someone, that means they were never good for you. Rest assured.

Rest assured they were never good for you. And this could have been avoided if when we talked about the concept of love, if we looked at love... from the correct way according to the sunnah of the prophet and of course according to the words of allah before you know anything else but now it's too late we're already in the relationship we're already past the relationship and we're ready our heart is broken so now let's deal with it

Let's look at the positive side. Allah prevented a catastrophe from happening by giving you a little bit of a heartbreak now. Focus on your religion and ask Allah to either fix your relationship with your wife right now. that you're saying you want to confront her or not, this is up to you about what she said so you can feel, so you can clear the air basically. This is also another thing that you could do.

So you don't always have some sort of a thing from your heart, resentment for what she did. And just work it out. If it doesn't work out, move on with someone else in a halal way. Just divorce your wife. and move on with someone else. That's how you fix your heart.

by getting close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And yeah, that would be it for, you know, today's topic. I hope that, you know, again, this is a lesson for all of us to learn from, for those of you who didn't get married yet, for those of you who have problems in their marriage. Those of you who are, you know, again, in any type of relationship, number one, make it halal. That is how Allah blesses a relationship. Make it halal. Number two.

ask Allah for guidance. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if you see someone, do not make that an infatuation, like I said. If you see someone, if you like someone, ask Allah for guidance. Are they going to be good for me? Look for the positives. Look also for the red flags. Make sure that that person will make you get closer to Allah. And like I said, cheating is not even a question.

And heartbreak, get close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Thank you so much for listening. Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. happy half-off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half the price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So...

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