Gurometer: Teal Swan and Scott Galloway

Decoding the Gurus

Mar 18, 2026•19 min

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Episode description

In this Gurometer double bill, Matt and Chris break out the much-sought-after Gurometer™ to score Teal Swan and Scott Galloway across the 11 recurring guru traits. In one efficient episode, we compare cosmic-certified spirituality with secular man-talk (and a surprising amount of puffer-jacket merchandising). As a bonus, get ready to thrill at Matt's eternal puzzlement at his own simple binary question of 'guru-osity'.

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Gurometer scores to date

The full episode is available for Patreon subscribers (51 mins).

Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus

Gurometer: Teal Swan and Scott Galloway

00:00 Back to the Gurometer: Teal and Scott

02:33 Galaxy Brain-ness

04:18 Cultishness

05:25 Anti-Establishmentarianism

08:31 Grievance Mongering

10:55 Self Aggrandisement and Narcissism

14:30 Cassandra Complex

18:03 Revolutionary Theories

21:49 Pseudo-Profound Bullshit

26:07 Conspiracy Mongering

28:50 Excessive Profiteering

36:25 Moral Grandstanding

40:33 Overall Gurometer Score

41:27 Rapid Fire Bonus Guru Points

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