Ever notice how narcissists (and others) use tone to mock someone they want us to disagree with? Sometimes it's baby voice: "And they said "You're unweasonable." Hahaha!". Why? It subtly signals to us that we shouldn't pay attention to what they are about to say. We can safely dismiss whatever the words are, because the person is being unreasonable, AS DEMONSTRATED by the tone used to convey what we claim was said. BUT... that baby tone is certainly an exaggeration designed to make us believe so...
Jun 29, 2025•36 min•Season 1Ep. 121
Life during and after toxic relationships can feel like hell. And sometimes we find helpful ideas that help us get our life back together. I try to share those, and a major source of those ideas has been Scott Adams, the Dilbert creator, who also wrote some exceptional books to help people avoid bad ideas and have (as a consequence) better and happier lives. His birthday is June 8 (today) and he is very sick, it might be his last birthday. So I have a HUGE favour to ask you, listeners: When rele...
Jun 08, 2025•51 min•Season 1Ep. 120
Shame makes us look away, and that makes us MUCH more vulnerable to narcissists. But it's possible to recognise when we're feeling shame and STOP our coping mechanisms to REDUCE our vulnerability. I recently looked into shame and recognised some patterns I was not aware of, as well as coping mechanisms, and even dissociation. This explained some things I had experienced over the years. As this was awful, perhaps sharing my thoughts will make it less awful for you? In this podcast, I run though s...
Jun 07, 2025•49 min•Season 1Ep. 119
I saw a post on social media about 8 mistakes to avoid when dealing with toxic people and... I disagree with nearly all of it. In this episode, I run you through the "advice", explain what I disagree with, and why - and provide my alternative suggestions. I hope you find this helpful and it helps you figure out what to do and, more important, what NOT to do.
May 17, 2025•32 min
Dogmatic people refuse to change their minds about topics. However, until we realise this, we can assume people are open to new facts or blind spots. But it's exhausting and dishonest. After all, if people are certain they are 100% right about everything all of the time (1 chance in a million), the probability we can change their mind is... 0%. So just say "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you're dogmatic about this." And if they say they are not, well, then things get fun. As always, thanks for tuni...
Mar 21, 2025•44 min•Season 1Ep. 117
I went to an event and it was weird. One person was being hyper negative, hijacked the event, made people uncomfortable - and some "flying monkeys" encouraged it. Regardless of the details, we can learn from dynamics and hopefully help you avoid the same type of uncomfortable situation in the future by helping you be prepared.
Mar 13, 2025•36 min
Fungibility is a term used in economics to describe "items that can be mixed without differentiating the source". For example, if you and I pour a bottle of water into a pan, the water is mixed. We can't separate your water from mine. Most of us view attention differently. A partner's attention is worth MORE than a random strangers. But narcissists see things differently. They don't care where the attention comes from, provided they get it, and enough of it. That is why it's so easy for them to ...
Mar 08, 2025•15 min
Narcissists love pretending to be offended. It puts them at the centre of attention, they can pretend cry, get sympathy, bully others. But this is not enough for them. This is why they get offended "in absentia", they pretend to be offended "on behalf of people who are not present" - and who often do not actually exist. This is an effective strategy to bully others, but there is one key tell that lets us know whether we are being provided good faith feedback, or are being told rubbish by a toxic...
Jan 07, 2025•33 min•Season 1Ep. 114
Narcissists will accuse people of doing EXACTLY what they are doing. If you see a problem and want to make an accurate diagnostic, they will accuse you of complaining. This happened to me, recently. In this episode, I share how I handled the situation, the logic and techniques I used, so you might be able to use them too, if it is safe for you to use them. And, in all cases, this will make it harder for you to be gaslit into believing that you're complaining when you're actually trying to solve ...
Nov 05, 2024•42 min•Season 1Ep. 113
After a toxic relationship, it can be common to obsess over what happened - and even date more people who present the same symptoms of personality disorder. Why? This episode explores some potential reasons -and what to do to avoid this.
Aug 30, 2024•16 min•Season 1Ep. 112
Knowing red flags is helpful in avoiding narcissists BUT if we conflate them with red lights, it can PREVENT us from actually moving forward. It is vital to know the difference between red flags we learn to recognise and actual red lights. In the episode, we review what red flags are, why they are NOT red flights. And we look at what red herrings are, and why confused thinking makes us more vulnerable to narcissists.
Aug 19, 2024•31 min•Season 1Ep. 111
There are 6 levels of lying, from the least bad to the absolute worst. Once we recognise them, we are less easy to manipulate and be gaslit. The levels are: 1. Being wrong (technically not lying) 2. Hyperbole 3. Spinning 4. Lying And the two narcissist / cult levels are: 5. Brain washing (selling a world narrative that is false / unverifiable) 6. Gaslighting (telling you that "you are not seeing what you think you are seeing".
Aug 07, 2024•36 min•Season 1Ep. 110
Laura was a guest in a guesthouse. But she acted as though we were her guests: she bossed people around, and was obnoxious. But one lie she told uncovered the truth, and she turned on me. This is the sad story of Laura, little dog Simba, and some reflexions on how to spot and deal with toxic people and narcissists.
Jul 29, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 109
She had had a bad breakup after 20 years with someone, 15 of which he had been obnoxious and presented symptoms of having a personality disorder. And she could not wrap her head around this. But I figured out how to reframe the situation for her to get it. She laughed, snapped out of the hypnosis, and FINALLY turned the page. This is the story.
Jul 19, 2024•27 min•Season 1Ep. 108
Narcissists rely on lies that are propped up by other lies. Why? It makes it easier for them to manipulate us. It is hard to believe one person can lie so much. But also, by relying on a "mesh network", it means that even if one lie is exposed, the network of lies still resists. And we are more likely to just shrug off anomaly after anomaly. Until we realise what is happening, the whole network crashes and we experience a "narrative collapse", where our whole world view seems crazy. Learn to rec...
Jul 12, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 107
Narcissists and cults, whether spiritual or political, brainwash people in order to control them. Fortunately, there are certain tells that we have been brainwashed. And once we are aware of these, it becomes less hard to deprogram ourselves and start to think clearly again. This applies to narcissists in romantic relationships, at work, in NGOs, political movements, and in "spiritual groups".
Jun 20, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 106
Narcissists lie, a lot. And for the lies to work, they rely (pun?) on us "reading between the lines". While this is a good idea with healthy people, it is a terrible idea with liars. So instead, when someone says something weird, you can ask this question: what do you mean?
Jun 14, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 105
Narcissists count on us to politely fill the blanks. And they like to be obnoxious to trigger us. But what happens when we don't do what they want, and do this instead?
Jun 06, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 104
I share two stories of meeting people and they did something that was really off, signalling with high probability they might be narcissists. Or at least jerks and really unpleasant to be around. I share both stories and observations.
May 30, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 103
Everyone makes bad decisions sometimes. So it’s easy to assume that all bad decisions are « good faith bad decisions ». But narcissists game this. And we can figure out when. In this episode, I share how.
May 26, 2024•28 min•Season 1Ep. 101
Toxic people and narcissists are often mean. And then nice. Or first nice, and then mean. And it seems to make no sense. But there is a really good reason why they act this way. And it probably explains why those relationships are doomed for failure.
May 26, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 102
Narcissists are a bad deal. So let's see if tools used to analyse deals can help us identify toxic relationships and make more sense of why they are such a... bad deal. #npd #narcissism #narcissist #toxicrelationship
May 09, 2024•29 min•Season 1Ep. 100
It is increasingly common for people to think like narcissists. And until we're aware of what that looks like, there is a risk we do too. We know narcissists have a simplistic view of the world. Here is how you can spot a "narclogic view", why it is nonsense, how you can debunk it (if you need to) and how you can avoid getting caught up in exhausting narcissist games. #narcissism #manipulation #npd #narcissist
May 02, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 99
There are some common mistakes people make around narcissism. These mistakes PREVENT people from moving on, getting their lives back on track - they therefore INCREASE the price paid even AFTER the abusive relationship has ended. Until we're aware of them, we're MORE likely to make and repeat them. Hopefully this will help you avoid them.
Apr 25, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 98
Narcissists love to infiltrate and take over groups. It's less effort than creating a group. There are certain patterns they follow. I observe 6 stages of the takeover. Hopefully this will make you less vulnerable.
Apr 19, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 97
Narcissists will claim to know a lot. They will appear certain. And yet, many of the things they claim to know are... unknowable. Or it is not possible for them to be as certain as they are. In this episode, I share some thoughts to avoid falling for the "certainty = credibility" trap.
Apr 10, 2024•31 min•Season 1Ep. 96
I just came across an article "what words can destroy a narcissist" on some website. I think it was generated by AI. And it was full of really toxic ideas and thought structures. I recorded my debunking of these ideas that WILL backfire on anyone who tries them. I really dislike when people take advantage of others. And it's important to recognise bad and unhelpful ideas.
Apr 01, 2024•26 min•Season 1Ep. 95
Cults and Narcissists use nearly identical manipulation tricks that are very effective - until we recognise them and debunk them. In this episode I share 6 of these tricks they play and make some suggestions to make yourself less vulnerable.
Mar 31, 2024•25 min•Season 1Ep. 90
Here is a sneak preview of some ideas I explore in the book I am writing on narcissism. I finally found an angle I think is relevant and would love to hear what you think. I list the 11 mistakes below. And if you'd like to accelerate your healing process, why not see if the Healing After Narcissists course might be helpful? It comes with a money back guarantee: https://healingafternarcissists.ribersson.com The mistakes are: 1. Wanting to diagnose 2. Wanting to understand 3. Wanting to fix them 4...
Mar 17, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 96
Narcissists use convoluted / stupid thinking to manipulate others and defend low quality ideas. Once we recognise HOW narcissists think, it becomes easier to avoid being manipulated and to avoid embracing low quality ideas. In this episode I share 11 of these ideas and debunk the.
Mar 03, 2024•30 min•Season 1Ep. 92
