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Hi, this is Margaret , and welcome to the Death Dhamma Podcast. In a series I used to read, occasionally one character would say to the other, may you live in interesting times. It was understood that this was a curse where interesting times meant chaos and difficulty. Well, we do live in interesting times. I mean, don't we always? So this season, together, we will explore equanimity and chaos, recognizing that many aspects of life are beyond our control. Let's find a sense of balance and peace amid external chaos. Hello, my friends. I'm thinking that in addition to considering equanimity and chaos, that it is also a good time to consider letting go versus giving up. Because we want to let go, right? We don't want to cling and attach and have aversion, but we don't want to give up. So let's take a look at some of that today. As we have this discussion today, I would like you to know that I am drawing very heavily, like, very, very heavily on a site called buddhismway.org and their writing on letting go versus giving up, because it helps to organize my thoughts and to bring you some clarity, hopefully, and for something for us to all consider. Right, so let's start with letting go. So. So letting go, right, which is an important part of our Buddhist practice, right? But it's not apathy or in action, right? Just like equanimity isn't lack of feeling, but it does mean releasing the grip of craving, control, and clinging. And sometimes that's difficult, especially when you're going through large changes, like we are going through big changes in the United States right now. And some people are feeling hopelessness and despair and mise. Maybe they feel like giving up. But what we need to do to try to do is to let go, but not to give up, right? So letting go reminds us that clinging causes suffering. Everything is impermanent. Ooh, and here's a big one. When we cannot control outcomes, only our intentions and actions. And so during this time, if things aren't going the way you had hoped, what, you can control your intention and your actions. And I get that sometimes if you're upset about how things are going, you're going to have some difficult days. So that makes you normal. And now it's going to be about how you and I behave and how we treat one another and others as we're going through this process of things changing. And for those of us where things are changing in a way that we perceive to be difficult. So letting go is a conscious choice to release attachment not because there's no value. Right? So it doesn't mean there's no value in you wanting a democracy to be a certain way. But you're letting go. You're releasing because you understand the true nature. Right? And so let's think about that at this. During this time, is there something you're holding onto that's causing more pain than peace? That's a tough one, or could be a tough one. But let's think about that. I encourage you to think about that. Perhaps, you know, jot down some thoughts. Letting go says I can love, strive, care without attachment to results. I release the need to control and I trust the unfolding of life. Ooh, that's difficult. I understand. I can't control. And so I think some days I've released the need to control. But that trust, the trust of the unfolding, that's something that's a little steep for me. So in the spirit of honesty, you know, I'm honest with you all as I share thoughts with you. I'm honest with you where I am. That trust in the unfolding, that's a challenge for me right now. Okay, now let's think about giving up. Giving up could come from aversion, fear, hopelessness, or exhaustion. So some of you might be feeling mental and emotional exhaustion right now, and that, again, makes you normal because so much is going on. And I do believe that some groups are specifically trying to lead us to these places of exhaustion so that we cannot stand up for ourselves and, you know, continue our own journey and are trying to influence how things go. Right. So giving up could feel like this. It's pointless. Why try? I mean, sadly, I have a friend who's dug in with that belief right now, and it's just like, it's pointless. Why try? There's nothing that can be done. And that's unfortunate. Another way of giving up. I'll never succeed anyway. Or this is too hard. I'm done. All right, that would probably be me if I tried to run a marathon. But let's hope that should I decide to run a marathon, I would do some planning and get ready ahead of time. Right? Okay. So giving up isn't releasing attachment. So this, I thought, was a very interesting and helpful point. I found it to be so, and I hope you will, too. It's not a release of attachment. It's a collapse under its weight. So giving up means when we continue to cling under the burden of wanting something or aversion to something, then we collapse because the weight is too much. Right. Okay. The other day, I was dropping off some tile. I had some extra tile, and I was dropping it off, donating it somewhere, and there was a stack of the tile that I had put in the back of my car. And I really wanted to just be efficient and carry that stack of tile over to the donation area. In one trip? In one trip. And I tried. I picked it up out of the trunk, and thank goodness, I realized. In the past, I wouldn't have realized, but I realized, hey, you're gonna have to divide this stack in half and you're gonna have to take two trips because otherwise you're going to drop it and you're gonna probably, you know, it's going to break. And also, you know, you don't know what you're gonna do to your fingers and your toes in this instance. Right. So I would have collapsed under the weight of my expectation that I can or I should be able to carry this tile in one triple. And I respect that. That sounds like a very simple example. And it is a simple example. It is purposefully a simple example. Right. I would have collapsed under the weight. But when I released my attachment to needing to carry it all in one trip and recognized that I could do it in two trips and still have the same thing, right. My intention was to bring the tile to be donated, and I could accomplish that by carrying it in two trips, then what I had was a letting go of what that needed to look like. But I didn't give up. Okay, now this really helpful article again from Buddhismway.org gives us some comparisons. The differences between letting go and giving up. Okay. Letting go arises from wisdom. Giving up arises from discouragement. Okay, doesn't that make sense when you give up and you're tired and you're like, I just can't. And then maybe when you step away from a while and take the break that maybe you should have taken, sometimes you find you can return to something and continue when you're working towards a difficult goal. Letting go brings peace and clarity. Giving up brings regret or bitterness. Ooh, but so true, right? That letting go, understanding that you did what you could do, that you had a specific intention and you couldn't control the end result, that can bring you peace. Whereas when you give up in the middle of something because you're still thinking that you should be able to change something or you should control an outcome, then you have regret and bitterness. And sometimes that's followed with excuses and difficult and angry discussion. It should have been this way. If only this. If only that letting go is rooted in acceptance. Giving up is rooted in aversion. So, yeah, let's look back at my tile example, simple as it is, right? Giving up. If I had just given up, that would have been rooted in my aversion to not, you know, wanting to have to have two trips. But my letting go of the fact that I couldn't do it in one trip was rooted in the acceptance of, hey, you know what? This is too heavy for me to safely carry over in one trip. I could do it into. And I did, by the way. By the way, I did. And no fingers, toes or tiles were broken. Letting go maintains compassion. Giving up may include blame or apathy. Well, I was kind of touching on that very recently. Very recently, like a minute ago, right, when I was talking about regret or bitterness. Sure. When we give up, we might blame, we might blame ourselves, we might blame others. Well, we could have done it except for somebody was the weakest link or, you know, I didn't really care about that anyway. But letting go maintains compassion, understanding that there was a desire and there was an intention for something to be a certain way and that isn't what happened. And it's okay to be upset. It's okay to be upset. Letting go works with the middle way. Giving up goes to extremes, right? It's all or nothing. I didn't do this, but a previous version of me probably would have been this way, which would have been, you know, either I carry all those tiles over there or forget it, I'm not even going to bother. Or I don't know if any of you have done this. The when you want to carry all your groceries in the house all at once and so you just line the grocery bags up and down all your arms, right? I used to do that in the second story apartment on going up the stairs, right? So, you know, that was it, all or nothing. I'm going to get all these groceries in the house now, right? Letting go releases grasping, but not effortless. Giving up abandons both effort and aspiration. And this brings me to why I was really thinking of this topic for us, for today, for this week, for this time, because there are some difficult changes and things that are happening every day. And giving up on how you want our culture to be, how you want society to be, how you want to be as a human being, the kinds of human beings you want to be around. To give up on that means to just stop trying, right? Stop voting, stop donating your time or your money or attending protests or helping others, Right? That's what giving up looks like. You abandon the effort and your aspiration. But letting go means I'm gonna stop clinging, I'm gonna stop grasping to the fact that I really want things to be a certain way. But I'm going to keep trying anyway. Not by the way, I'm not implying that that's an easy place to be. So you can see where that also fits into our thoughts on equanimity. Right? Because I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep showing up where I believe I need to show up. I'm going to speak up when I think I need to speak up. I'm going to align myself with the kind of people I need, I believe I need to be aligned with. But I'm trying not to grasp. And I'm going to continue putting forth right effort. Okay? And then there's this thought here. It says, think of the image of a lotus leaf. When water lands on it, it rolls off effortlessly. That's the spirit of letting go. Non resistance. But if the lotus leaf were to wither and sink, that would be giving up. Letting go is embedded in our Buddhist teachings, right? It's what we learn when we learn the four Noble Truths. It also can be found in our path, the Eightfold noble path. Right effort, abandoning unwholesomeness, unwholesome states and cultivating wholesome ones. Right mindfulness, seeing clearly without clinging. Right view, understanding impermanence and non self. And in the Satipatthana sutta, observing phenomena in this way, this is not mine. This I am not, this is not myself. Okay? In our lives, letting go can be a form of freedom. Uh, an example given is when, if you're someone, you're caring for someone ill or aging, and you're trying to make it perfect for them all the time, but then you feel overwhelmed and guilty. I remember going through this with my husband when he was ill and we were in hospice. And there was a moment where I kind of just wore myself to the bone, trying to make sure, you know, keep all the plates spinning and make everything was okay. And I had a mini breakdown one day because I was just like, I just can't do this. And I didn't do this at the time, but something useful that I could have done was to just ask myself, can I let go of perfection? Can I let go of perfection? Right? What I did was get some help, which was also a good thing to do right away, right? And that's not giving up, but that's letting go. And so by asking for help from outside services, I was able to let go, to know that I couldn't do everything. And then that actually brought some quality to our time so that in our final moments, I could be focused on him. And that was really helpful, right? Letting go, not suppression, indifference, avoidance or passive resignation. It doesn't mean you don't care. So here, this brings us close to equanimity again, right? It means you care without clinging. It doesn't mean you stop trying. It means you stop clinging. And then there are some useful reflections here. Ask yourself, where in my life am I holding on too tightly? What would I feel like to release control if you journal? Today, I choose to let go of fill in the blank. This doesn't mean I failed. It means I trust. And in meditation, of course, when thoughts arise, gently say, let go and return to the breath. So letting go can become a rhythm, a kind of softening, and some final thoughts. Letting go is not weakness. It's a powerful act of trust. It honors change, it honors truth, it honors life. As it is. Giving up closes the heart. Letting go opens your heart. So when you're at the edge of surrender, ask gently not am I quitting, but am I clinging? If you release with wisdom, you are not giving up. You are growing free. Because remember, you only lose what you cling to. And on that note, thank you, my friends, and thank you for being here with me on this journey. Take care of yourself, take care of your loved ones, and protect the unprotected. You've been listening to the Death Dhamma podcast with your host, Margaret Maloney. Thank you so much for being here. Come find me on margaret maloney.com M A R G A R E T M E L o n I.com and until we meet again, may you be well, may you be happy, may you be at ease, and may you be free from suffering. Bye for now.