Have you ever felt like you've done everything right — therapy, journaling, the inner work — and yet you were still kind of... stuck? Like you intellectually understood your pain but couldn't actually move it? That's where Sara found herself after a 10-year marriage ended; a year of talk therapy later, she still wasn't where she wanted to be. She felt alone in a battle with the voice inside her that said she was a failure, unlovable, and destined to repeat the past. So she did something most peo...
Feb 20, 2026•1 hr 11 min
Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something “wrong,” and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you’ll likely resonate with this episode. If you’re someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certa...
Feb 13, 2026•56 min
Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions? Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict? Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard? Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatile parent in your house and a more passive one (or if that's the dynamic you're in as a parent right now,...
Feb 06, 2026•1 hr 4 min
“This is not something I ever thought I would do.” So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay. “As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship. His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recent...
Jan 30, 2026•1 hr 4 min
“The gym can be a very scary place.” Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure." Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athletes, Navy SEALs, and other fitness experts, prefers to work with beginners. We talk about how to naturally boost ...
Jan 23, 2026•1 hr 36 min
Do any of these apply to you?: You used to have a good sex life with your partner, but now it has flatlined You're in a sexless marriage but at a loss with respect to how to even bring this up with your woman (or you've tried in the past and it went poorly) You fear never having passionate, connected sex again --- These are all common patterns we see in our practice. Here we outline the 5 most common reasons we've seen for this pattern, and some stories of men who've done the work and now have v...
Jan 16, 2026•1 hr 4 min
We've got close to 400 episodes, and with the new year, I felt inspired to categorize Dear Men in order to help you get the most out of it! I've broken it down into six buckets, then listed episodes in an order I believe would be supportive to listen to: 1. Do you identify as a Nice Guy? If you already know about Nice Guy Syndrome (perhaps you've even read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover), you'll love these. If you've not yet heard about it but your spidey sense is going off, it's prob...
Jan 09, 2026•16 min
Have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like the spark had died? There's no chemistry but you're going through the motions, wishing there was more heat, more aliveness, more oomph. If so, you might have been bumping up against the principle of polarity. --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, bo...
Jan 02, 2026•1 hr 2 min
“I become a bit of a depresso-goblin when I live alone.” So shares one of my housemates -- an eloquent interpretation, perhaps, of the loneliness episode we're living through, according to the US Surgeon General. We all know that loneliness sucks. Among other things, it elevates risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety (among other health concerns). So what do we do about it? According to the Pew Research Center, around 40% of adults are un-partnered, and a recent CNN art...
Dec 26, 2025•1 hr 49 min
How do you know if you're addicted to porn? Instead of addiction language, some mental health specialists use the term Problematic Porn Use to discuss this. The heart of it is the same, however: How do I stop watching porn? (and why is it so freakin' hard to stop using porn??) Here we delve into the topic, but not from a shame-based point of view. Instead we look at the underlying needs that are met by porn use -- and how to move beyond it. The truth is that this is a complex and intricate subje...
Dec 19, 2025•1 hr 6 min
ATTRIBUTION NOTE: This is NOT an original episode. This is a complete episode of The Ezra Klein Show that I'm posting here, with a note from me at the beginning. Original episode can be found here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/what-relationships-would-you-want-if-you-believed-they/id1548604447?i=1000644331040 What follows is my own reasons for posting this: --- We are at a crossroads in our cultures and societies worldwide. In many places, social networks are in tatters. Mental health i...
Dec 12, 2025•1 hr 4 min
Why do you need to know about this? --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here . Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes: “It’s a journey of healing; it’s a journey of growth; it’s a journey of restoration.” “Everyone ends up better … in so many different ways.” ...
Dec 05, 2025•1 hr 30 min
Have you ever felt stuck in a love relationship that wasn't working? Maybe you were straining and striving to make it work. Maybe you felt like it was all on your shoulders -- all your responsibility to "fix" it. Or maybe you were afraid of what would happen if it went away. Would she make it? Would you? There are concrete reasons why it's hard for men in particular to let go of romantic relationships (whether marriages or other long-term committed relationships) that are no longer fulfilling. H...
Nov 28, 2025•55 min
How many hundreds of miles would you travel for great sex? Some of the hottest sexual experiences are some of the least-expected. Sometimes that has to do with location, and sometimes it has to do with ropes and corsets. Often it involves anticipation, and it's frequently NOT about what you think (i.e. perfect "performance"). Here, four of us women friends bring you behind the curtain when it comes to the best sex we've ever had. Some of what we say may surprise you! And some may be things you'v...
Nov 21, 2025•1 hr 12 min
Most men we work with long to be trusted. They yearn to satisfy their partners on every level: physically, emotionally, and sexually. Above all, they want their woman partners to feel safe with them . The fact is, those two things are inextricably linked: If you want a woman to feel safe with you, she needs to trust you. Yet we still live in a world where a lot of women feel unsafe with a lot of men. So what does it take to be deeply trustable? Here, we each reveal what it takes for a man to be ...
Nov 14, 2025•1 hr 20 min
When you've got kids with someone, you need to be able to cooperate. But what do you do if your ex is emotionally unstable/volatile, physically or emotionally abusive, or otherwise difficult? Most partners don't start out that way, of course. As one man put it, it felt more like "the ground could be kind of unstable" in the relationship. Another said, "I was hyper-aware of her emotions all the time, and trying to minimize her upheaval." Maybe the two of you have even tried seeing a couple's coun...
Nov 07, 2025•1 hr 38 min
Some experts estimate that ~15% of marriages are sexless, while others put the number as high as 33% ("sexless relationship" defined as a couple having sex 10 times a year or fewer). That's a lot of people. Now let's talk about the stakes: Does a sexless marriage generally mean a less fulfilling one? In a word, yes. According to researcher and associate professor Denis Donnelly in the New York Times, "Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being." Plu...
Oct 31, 2025•1 hr 4 min
In North America, we tend to think of circumcision as "normal" and "widespread." But did you know that circumcision as a practice only became widespread in the US in the mid 1900s? So what's the deal? Why did it originate as a practice and why has it persisted? And perhaps most importantly, what is the impact on a man -- both physiologically as well as psychologically? The answers may surprise you -- I know they did me. I was unaware, for example, of the extent to which intact foreskin helps a m...
Oct 24, 2025•1 hr 8 min
Overcoming erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and other forms of sexual dysfunction in men is complex. This is part II of a two-part series. --- Work with us Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here . Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes: “It w...
Oct 17, 2025•45 min
Did you know that premature ejaculation is the most common form of sexual dysfunction on the planet ? In a similar vein, experts estimate that erectile dysfunction impacts a staggering 30-50 million men in the U.S. alone. And some studies suggest that 1 in 10 men experiences delayed ejaculation. The truth is, sexual dysfunction affects millions and millions of men, but the experience is often one of being alone. Helpless. Feeling stuck or out of control. Common thoughts: "Why can't I get hard wh...
Oct 10, 2025•52 min
Welcome to Cocktober! We're spending this whole month on a plethora of penis things. As a sex researcher, I can tell you that when it comes to men's top sex problems, a common and unrelenting theme is around erections: getting them, keeping them, and being able to savor or "complete" them. This past spring and summer I interviewed ten men about their experiences with erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and delayed ejaculation (DE). Some men had just one thing going on; some ha...
Oct 03, 2025•26 min
"Polarity" is a term we throw around a lot on this podcast, and a concept that has gained popularity in discussions on masculinity, femininity, sacred sexuality, and conscious relationship over the last few decades. Here we delve into what it actually means ... and how it connect to hot sexy sex. ;) Seriously, though, polarity is a big part of how to generate attraction regardless of what type of body you're in, and it also relates to how to generate safety within relationship. If you want to be...
Sep 26, 2025•55 min
According to Gallup News, nearly 48 million people in the US alone struggle with depression, which is a staggering ~18% of the population. In fact, depression is the leading cause of disability in the country. And the US isn't the only place affected -- rates of depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and more are rising globally, especially post-pandemic. We need new, innovative, and effective ways of meeting this challenge, which impacts not only adults but teenagers and even children. And as yo...
Sep 19, 2025•1 hr 17 min
When things are bad, are you good at asking for support? More than once, we've had clients disappear for a bit, and upon reappearing say things like, "Sorry, I just had one of the worst weeks of my life last week." And we wonder: Why, during some of your darker times, are you not reaching out for love? Here we break down the reasons why this pattern exists. Why is it so hard for men in particular to ask for help? What helps shift a man from this kind of pattern into a healthier one of interdepen...
Sep 12, 2025•1 hr 15 min
"I'm afraid that if I don't do what she wants, she'll leave ... and then I'll be alone." The truth is, almost all human beings have a visceral, primal fear of being alone. We are social animals, and our survival has depended on inter-connectivity since time immemorial. We fear and are stressed by isolation, separation, and loneliness. It is also true that this fear of being alone is a driving force behind any number of unhealthy relationship patterns. When you're afraid of being alone, you're fa...
Sep 05, 2025•56 min
Worldwide, 150 million women get urinary tract infections (UTIs) yearly, and 30-44% of them get recurrent UTIs (defined as 2+ infections in 6 months, or 3+ in a year.) I was one of those women. UTIs are so prevalent that they are the second-most common reason for antibiotic prescriptions on the planet . And in case you've never had one, rest assured that UTIs are painful, disruptive, and deeply anxiety-producing. They are also, 90% of the time, contracted due to sexual intercourse. UTIs are a se...
Aug 29, 2025•55 min
“I knew it was something I wanted to be in because I thought it’d get me chicks.” So begins Jason in describing his journey around learning to be "in his masculine" and "in his feminine." These are terms related to polarity that get thrown around a lot, and we wanted to break down what we're referring to in more depth. What does it mean to be dominating versus assertive? Is it ever helpful to be passive? How does healthy polarity impact a marriage -- and especially one's sex life? Can you re-pol...
Aug 22, 2025•1 hr 5 min
How connected do you feel to your heart? How about to your cock? One of the advantages we have as coaches for men is that we seen the patterns that frequently show up for different men. We've noted three specific archetypes in our work and here, we go over them. (If you've ever heard me reference the heart/cock matrix, that's part of this episode.) Why does this matter? In large part because most women I know who are attracted to men (myself included) have a deep yearning to relate romantically ...
Aug 15, 2025•1 hr 21 min
A whole bunch of our clients have related with either parents or partners with BPD (or BPD traits). Here we go into even more depth around the origins of BPD, and what you can do as a partner if this is something you're contending with. We answer questions like: When you “cross” someone with BPD, they often want to punish you / make you suffer. Why? Why are folks with BPD traits so sensitive to rejection? Does BPD show up differently in women vs. men? We often hear about BPD women — why is that?...
Aug 08, 2025•1 hr 28 min
If you've ever been scared of approaching a woman because you might make her uncomfortable; frightened about what a woman might ask of you; or worried about "getting in trouble" with your women partner, I have news for you: You're a normal man. That said, there are also some underlying patterns that may need addressing, particularly if this is a recurring pattern that's preventing you from even getting started dating, or holding you back from what you really want: A loving, healthy, life-expandi...
Aug 01, 2025•49 min
