The bra fashion show

Hello, it's Namulanta Combo with a little help from Coco. You know there's people that listen to this podcast from all over the world.

Oh, so I can say it in different language. Oh.

You can say whatever you want.

Welcome back to season five of Dear Daughter from the BBC World Service.

I'm gonna learn Latin in senior school.

Okay.

I've been speaking to letter writers from all over the world with incredible stories and advice. They're helping me create a handbook to life for my daughter Coco and for daughters. Everything ain't for everybody.

You're pretty the way you are.

Snacks and a light jacket.

walk away and never turn around.

This season, a lot of our letters are looking at milestones, those big moments in your life when everything changes. I can't wait to meet you.

proud and excited for her, but there was this strange feeling I had of long.

Many of these lie ahead for my family, so I wanted to get some advice on what might be coming down the track. I'll be hearing from letter writers about some big challenging transitions, like death, divorce, menopause, about how they got through it and the advice that they'd give to people coming after them. And also some joyful milestones, welcoming a new baby or waving a child off to university. Or like today's letter.

I was so excited way more than her.

A big moment for a girl and a big moment for a mother.

You are now convinced that you have a young lady, not a girl anymore, like she's a young lady.

Buying your daughter her first bra.

They were bright pink and electric green.

Uh

with lace and everything. And I told her I should have taken pictures during this bra fashion show. And she said, you know what? I don't trust you. You would have showed them the big

Yeah.

Today I'm speaking to Mehino, a single mum from Egypt, whose memories of her own teenage years came flooding back when it was time to take her daughter Bra shopping.

I didn't want people to notice that there is changes in my body and I felt like it's an obstacle or it's a kind of Weaknesses like ha now you're wearing a bra, you're a girl I wasn't happy.

Come and join us. Subscribe, leave us a review, and if you've got a letter for your daughter, send it to us on deardaughter at bbc.

Yes, hi

We're just talking about boobs.

Ah well that ta the taboo talks and and where I come from.

Thank you for being on the podcast today. You do have a daughter. How old is she?

She's 14.5, 14.6 months now.

What is she like as a teen?

Well I was different when I was a teen. We have different characters. She is very quiet. She's very calm. And I was very super active. I'm very into sports. Uh wasn't interested in the makeup, you know, and and my doing my hair and taking care of myself. I was so into sports. And she takes care of herself, uh, she's into fashion, doing her hair, taking care of her nails. There's difference and in the character too, she's very analytical.

That sounds like she could be me. Sounds like a very similar, just in terms of watchful, quiet, analytical. And I'm just trying to think back. I feel like I'm getting so old I don't remember my teens. But there was there's just so much going on, wasn't there?

It was easier for us.

It was easier, but it felt like such a big thing at the time, you know. It's a big deal for them. We have to be accepting that it was different for us. We need to learn about how they're going through things now. And you've written this letter to her about a huge milestone in any girl's life, in any woman's life.

What about buying a bra?

Yeah.

Was the milestone that you are now convinced that she's okay. You have a young lady, not a girl anymore, like she's a young lady.

It's actually a huge milestone for both a parent and their daughter because like you say, you realize Your little girl is growing.

It was even bigger for me. She fed, she looked at us like mommy over. So excited way more than her. She maybe I was over excited for her, but it's was yeah, it's was a milestone, yeah. Everything with them is a milestone.

I think it's a great time now for us to listen to the letter that you wrote to your daughter and then we can chat a bit more about it after.

Okay, sure.

You are the greatest blessing in my life and my proudest achievement. We've shared so many moments of laughter and tears, successes and challenges. I wouldn't change a thing. Watching you grow into the amazing person you are has been my greatest joy. I've wanted to be there for all of your milestones, your first crush, your first heartbreak, and every step in between. I know I cannot protect you from everything, but I promise I'll always be here to help you through it all.

I remember when it was the time for your first bra. I was terrified. My own experience was so isolating. Raised by my father, I faced puberty without any female support. Feeling vulnerable and ashamed of the changes in my body, I didn't want to wear a bra. It felt like weakness. When it was your turn, I was scared. How would you feel? How could I comfort you?

Back then, finding your size was a mission. We started with the little cotton flannel one. Then your aunt swooped in with your first real girly bra. Then your grandmother joined the fun with two bright pinkish oversized ones. We couldn't stop laughing when you tried them on, I remember. It was a fashion show to remember. If I ever seem too busy or can't give you everything you want, please know it's never because I don't care. Life has its demands, but my love for you never wavers.

You okay?

That's emotional.

I think your daughter will appreciate it for such a long time. Have you read it to her?

Yeah, and we cried our heart out.

Yeah.

And I told her I should have taken pictures during this bra fashion show, and she said, You know what? I don't trust you, you would have showed them.

pictures.

I have bra function sure.

Yeah, they were bright pink and electric green. with lace and everything. Yeah.

So how does she feel about you writing this letter to her and sharing it with us?

She told me and I quote that whenever I pass through anything good or bad, knowing and feeling that you are there and I can talk to you about it. And you will hear me, you will not judge me, is all what I need. And that you trust me. And she told me that she understands how hard for me to be a single mom with her. The amount of responsibility that I have playing both roles and she appreciates and you're doing everything that you can to give me the best education, the best place to live.

Had you written letters to her before, or is this the first one?

Yeah, we write letters, I'm more expressive, she's more quiet. So the very young age I encouraged her to write. if she have any feelings that she don't know how to express it in verbally, write it down. And whenever I used to travel for work, I always write to her a letter or note.

It sounds like you two have a really close relationship. But I'm wondering about how it was for you.

Buying a brave.

Do you remember what that was like uh and what went through your head? And do you remember what the situation was like?

Yeah. Actually I think my memory completely blocked My experience. till we started talking and I started remembering when I started uh gr growing my my boobs and It was the time to start wearing bra. As I told you I was kind of the this port kind of girls. I I swim, I played squash, I played gymnastics. So I started with wearing uh the sports bras and uh I used to get like a piece of cotton cloth and I put it inside just to not show anything.

My breasts.

Then my father noticed that. And uh he was so open minded and friendly and nice and kind And he started joking about it's like now you're grown and now you're wearing this and that and And you know what, giving me compliments in a funny way and he hugged me. He told me, you know what, bra or not, you'll always be my little girl. And you should be very proud of yourself. You walk proudly. We don't feel ashamed of any changes that's God given to you, uh, in your body.

Uh, you just talking about the sports bras and it's triggered my memory as well because I remember not liking sports because I didn't have the support that was obviously required for the vigorous sports that a teenager is doing. And I was so conscious about having to run and um I remember like the P teachers were like, run and I'm not gonna run because I don't want to be running in front of the boys.

Yeah.

It wasn't even a sports bread, it was like a fabric.

I don't know what Yeah, I remember them. Flannel kind of bras. They were even worse. Uh tucked under the T shirt and clumby and horrible. I hated them. I hated them. Yeah.

And then like, God forbid while you're playing netball, that ball hits you in the boob. I remember just hating sports because of that. That's just triggered my memory, but I'm just wondering where we get this shame from because you know by the time you went to speak to your dad, he was just Like there's nothing to be ashamed about.

Yeah, but because that was my dad. I think it's the way uh you prepare your kids and from your own experience. I didn't prepare my daughter but I didn't also make made her feel ashamed. Maybe because I didn't share how ashamed I was and I became a daughter after solving this problem inside me. But there is other mothers they didn't have a closure for their struggles. I think it's worse that if no one talks to you about

I don't think so and I felt like I had a not a tough time, but just trying to figure out how I feel about my body, how I feel about boobs. Particularly because I had big boobs from a young age.

I had lots of friends struggling with that.

It sounds like you'll have made a conscious decision to make her experience a positive experience based on the support that you had from your dad and this lovely friend's mum. But I was gonna ask him, what are you seeing in terms of having your teenage daughter now and just the influence? That comes from social media, from friends, um, from the movies that they're watching, and how do you see it manifesting in something like bras and boo?

Well, as we were just saying that they it's harder for them because of all these influences. Like at our times, when you come with a strange word or a strange idea, your mom will know, you know what? This new friend of you of yours, he's he has a bad influence on you. Yeah, the only thing is. Now you don't know where did they get this from a movie or something. So we came to a deal. I told her you're a very analytical character. So please try to analyze everything before you just take it in.

It's a law.

It's food for two people, family for a month. And the average prices for bras here is maximum if you get like a good brand is like one thousand pounds. So it's seven times the the price. And she wanted to get it because everybody was getting it. And everybody in the videos and the reels, they're just wearing anything to show this bra. She asked for it several times but I refused because she just wanted it because

So the bra has the brand on the strap.

Yeah.

So they're wearing them and then having their tops off their shoulder. Oh what's the point?

Yeah, they're wearing the tops of the shoulder or in summer if they're wearing any like uh protels or anything, they're showing off the the brand.

So seven thousand Egyptian pounds. That's like

7,000 plus. On $130, yes.

Yeah.

But the the thing is it's I was not convinced that I'm getting something branded and it's a bra and pay all this money for it. And I found other mothers they were sending me websites which sell Braw replica. Even though I'm not with this idea, honestly, but the point of why I want to get something like that and why I want to show it off. I was not convinced with it. And we spoke about it several times and we came to the conclusion we agree to disagree.

First of all, I think you should share that website that your friends shared with you because I hate brushing. When you're a bigger size, you look at the biggest. between eating and buying a bra. It's like five times the price. And then they just look like something that could be used to torture someone. It's just like this Big, massive pieces of fabric. They're not pretty. The colors are boring. The straps are really thick. Thank you.

Big boobs. I don't have this kind of struggle. But I understand that because I see my friends and my friend, she told me about her struggle as a teen with Big boobs. So when you were talking about your experience, I can relate because I used to see my friends going to the bathroom during the school day and just, you know, unlocking their bras a bit.

And last year.

Yeah, it's just too heavy for them.

And then you know there's the other side where girls who have really small boobs, again, I just feel like the stuff that's available is not pretty. It's nice for the women and the girls who have like, I don't know, average size boobs. But if you have really small boobs or you have really big boobs.

I can see the girls now, the small girls with the very small boobs. And you know what they do when they're wearing bikinis and they're wearing anything that's revealing a bit? They're actually contouring the boobs to look bigger. They just draw an arch above it and like with the bronzer and with the highlighters they do like highlighting the skin underneath and it looks like it's a pushed up breast.

Here at Dear Daughter we aim to give all sorts of advice and support.

But the thing is we need to work with all the girls, with all their daughters too. Just love their body as it is. And if you won't change, just change because you want to. Not because you feel that you are less and this change will make you feel better. We are all pretty, all kinds of women, shapes, skin tones, hair, short, big, small.

I completely agree. I think as much as I'm saying that um the bras I find are not pretty wear if I want to wear a strapless dress or a one arm dress. So just, you know, figure out how you can do things in a way that makes you happy. Yeah.

My father told me this when I was younger. And I wanted to do a liposuction. I have the other side of the problem. I have bigger thighs and but And my father laughed and he told me, you know what, it's a blessing. Just imagine if you fall and you don't have this

Ever since Goku was little, she has called her. And I have always found that to be a good one. And true, and I love that we can laugh and have an open conversation about our bodies. But what I particularly loved about Mehino's story is that her friend's mum helped her by a bra, and later on her daughter's aunt helped her when it was her turn.

Next week on Dear Daughter, I'll be talking to Rahab, who tells me why she missed out on her children's childhood. And how she's trying to make up for it now.

was in prison for 6 years, when they were in such a tender age, so you can imagine the girl

And remember, I'd love to hear from you too. If you've got a letter with advice or a story to share with your daughter or your younger self or with daughters everywhere, you can send it to deardaughter at bb. dot co dot uk Or you can go to our website on www.bbcworldservice.com forward slash deardaughter. Or you can send us a WhatsApp message on plus four four-eight zero-0300. four zero four. And please spread the word.

And produced by me and Judy. With support from Maggie Karak. The series producer is Lucy Burns. The editor is Claire Fordham. Mixed by James B. The music composed by Justin. Hattie Nash is the BBC World Service Podcast Producer, and John Minnell is a podcast commissioning editor.