Terrible Roommates: featuring Chelsea's Ex-Roommate Colleen Siragusa

of living with Chelsea Handler. Her name is Colleen Saragosa and she was my roommate in Brentwood on Barrington six or five South Barrington. Whoa yep, yea for I don't know how many years do we live together. We lived together for three okay, three years we lived together. I was in my early mid twenties. I was twenty three to twenty six, so you're a little younger than so I must have been. Well, maybe I was like nineteen to twenty one. In my book I wrote that you

were a twenty eight year old virgin? Was that a lie? Let's just jump right in. Okay, Hi to Colleen Saragosa. Hi college, Oh my god, Colleen and I were texting the other day. I said, you know, it would be funny. You should come on my podcast and you can tell all the horror stories about what it was like to live with me. And She's like, I would love nothing more.

I'm ready, I'm ready. I'm finally ready. I've had twenty years to digest what it was like to be attached to you for three years and she's just coming out of the fog and wait. So but back off to the most recent time I ran into you, which was like four or five years ago. Four years ago, okay, four years ago. I was in Brentwood, at the top of Brentwood. You were in Starbucks and I was walking my little girl, she was what two at the time I was walking and we haven't seen each other. We

mind you. I'll get into the story because I'm sure everyone wants to know the story of Chelsea and how I survived living with her, because it wasn't an easy feat. I needed tons of therapy after that. But anyway, we hadn't seen each other in seventeen years. I harbored a lot of bad feelings towards her. I'm also known as dumb Dumb dumb dumb in my book My Horizontal Life, Yes,

my Horizontal Life. I wrote a book and I talked about someone I named her dumb dumb and that was named after I can laugh about it now, I can. I can. I I was upset for so many years and I actually asked a mutual friend of ours and I went to her in tears and I said, in my dumb dumb I need to know, and she said yes, and I was just like wow, Wow, I was so mad. I was so mad, and it's taken a lot of time and and I'm a different person now. And anyway,

fast forward to a few years ago. I ran into her at Starbucks and I walked past her and I'm like, oh, there's Chelsea. Do I stop? Do I stop and say anything? And I'm like, no, don't. So I walked past her, and then on the way back, I was like, you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna stop. And I stopped and I said hi, and she stood up and she hugged me hm and and she had tears in her eyes. Sorry,

I'm emotional all the time, all the time. It's very welcome here, and it was it was why it was so hard to live together because she's always emotional and I have no emotion. And she made me cry all the time. All the time. I was the butt of every joke. Yes, so anyway, I she hugged me and she said, can you sit down for a second. I said sure, So we sat down and and um, I said, am I dumb? Dumb? And she said yes you are?

Are you pissed? And I was like, I've been pissed for a really long time, but you know I'm over it. I'm over it now. And um, she said, I was a real bitch to you, wasn't I? And I said, yes, you were, and she said I'm sorry. And that was the first time I was like, wow, I think Chelsea has changed. I think Chelsea has gotten a lot of therapy. And I really felt that she was sorry for the hell that she put me through for those three years because it was it was. Man. I want to meet

Joe Koy. I want to shake his hands, because the man I can put up with her bullshit deserves a freaking metal. Let me just say, first of all, he's adorable, he's funny. The two of you together are on fire, and I I am so happy for you. Because you have found what is most important in this world, and um, and it is. I mean, I'm married, I have a family. It's totally changed who I am and made me see what's important in life. And um, yeah, we have lots

of stories to share. When we got together, so we waited tables together at a couple of places, at Judy's, Daly and on muscowna what establishment that I was fired from when we found out he was basically stealing from us. Remember we were getting paid, we were getting paid under

the table. And then on top of that, I called and I reported him so that he had to legally pay us, but he would pay us and make us reimburse him for the payment that he would give us because he thought we were making too much money at a restaurants. The worst part is is that he ended up thinking we were stealing from him, so he put cameras up all around the restaurant and he was videotaping us.

And I just remember Chelsea one day just she was so pissed that the cameras were up and she just went flipping the birds of the camera and she just left. That was it. So we ended up moving because I ended up leaving too, and I found a place in the Palisades, Pacific Palisades, not a place to live. We lived in brent but she found a job in the Pacific Palisades. And then you brought me to that judge. By the way, I lived in Brentwood for years, is

in that apartment. My husband had to drag me out because I love that apartment so much, the same apartment that she and I, Colleen and I lived in when I we were in our early twenties. I didn't realize you were twenty three through six, so I must have been yeah, twenty to twenty three because we were super young, young and I was younger than you. Okay, so anyway, we we So then we got a job in the Palisades.

We worked at that together. So when we ran into each other four years ago, I was like, what are you doing here? And she's like, I still live in the apartment that we lived and I go, what if I hadn't met my husband, I would be there till I die because I loved that apartment so much. I mean it is it was like Melrose Place to me. I I it was awesome. And she's like, my daughter lives in your room. I'm like, shut the fuck up.

She's like, yes, my daughter lives in her room in your room, and my husband and I still live in that apartment. I could not wrap my head around that. I'm like, I cannot believe you're still there. I know it was awesome. I'm glad that you moved out, though, because that was you know, that is very you to stick with something for years. Well, that's the thing I do. I get very comfortable. And I mean I waited tables at the same place in the Palisades for fifteen years.

I mean I loved it. I mean it was a great job. I mean I was a struggling actress, but I that's what I did for my living. I waited tables. But it was more than just that. It was I met so many people there that just made my life so happy, and it was it was awesome. She, on the other hand, is the worst waitress of all time, of all time, and I got her the job there, and so she started working there. But she would, I mean her and I would be the only waitresses there,

and she would go up to people. This is I'm going to tell a story, a true story. Someone ordered something they called her over they were they had a problem with it, they didn't like and she goes, too fucking bad, you ordered it, eat it, and walked away. And I was like, oh my god, so I'm the one that had to go, and you know, I'm so sorry. And Coleen was like the best waitress of all time, Like she was in a fucking great mood. Every customer

wanted to sit in her section. Everyone who come in and would see her, they'd be like, oh my god, Calle, it's here. I'd be like, great, you fucking take everybody. They all fucking love you. I'll just run the food out, but I have to tell you. And I was trying to find it because it was so funny. Terry, the owner, actually gave me a letter that was given to her by a customer, and I'm telling you, it was like three pages long about the service that she got from

Chelsea anyway. It was awful. And Terry was like, look, I know that you you sometimes and I wasn't even in contact with you at this time, but she was like, I think that you probably would like to hold onto this. And it got lost in the shuffles some It's somewhere. I'll find it, but it is unbelievable the service that you gave, how terrible it is, how you should never be allowed to set foot in this restaurant. And I was like, wow, I mean you were just bad. I

had no interest in waiting tables. It was simply a means to an end until I could support myself in other ways. Yeah. Yeah, I mean as soon as she got her first development deal, she was like, I'm done. I will never wait tables again. As soon as I got my first, like the smallest thing, like I got a guest star role on the Practice, and I I just thought, because I didn't know anything about how much money you'd make, I was like, oh, I'll just retire, like this is it, Like I'm now going to be

a successful person. And then I realized, oh, it's like ten thousand dollars, you know, for the year. And I'm like, oh, well, wait a second, I'm gonna need to supplement this with some other stuff. But in the beginning, you're like, oh, I got a job, I could quit everything. But anyway, so okay. So we moved in together, and Colleen, who I described in my I was very much fast and loose. I was out and about meeting men hooking up left and right, and Colleen was putting on her pajamas at

eight o'clock. Well, first she puts on her bad Bath and Body Works lotion for an hour and a half. She's the one who tap to lubricate. I've never seen anyone lubricate as much as this girl. She has never had an ounce of dry skin. Well but maybe after a baby, but not before she would put on Bath and Body Works lotion. She would go. Plumria was one of her favorites. Remember that because I remember all the

sense because I still the shower because of you. I used the Pair one because they come out with new flavors all the time, you know, so some of them are superior to the previous ones. Plumya, I remember this. And she would just and she had these long French manicured nails, and she would sit on the couch and she loved her shows. She just wanted to She just wanted to like come home and snuggle, you know, with herself. Basically. I mean she wanted to meet a guy, because you

had crushes on various people. But I didn't go out. I was like a herm. I loved being home. I'm a homebody, and I just loved the apartment. I love, I loved it. And she loved activities, like she liked to get her nails done, she liked to go to work, like she was very bounced see about all the things that she had going on, you know, But all of those things were interests that I never had. You know. I wasn't looping up at night with lotion. I remember

the smells that stayed with me forever. But I would always be like, don't you want to go out, like, let's go meet people, And she'd like, she just didn't want to write, Yeah, that's just not your person. I just didn't want to go out. I mean I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave you apart. We go to CPK to get our I still go to my daughter's restaurant. We go every Sunday night to c p K. What do you order? No? No, I mean I'm want to strict. We'll get into that, but

I mean I'm really strict with my diet. So I word, it's a vegetable plate with with shrimp and with vegetables. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really but yeah, CPK is one of my favorites and then tanning, you'd go to I did. I don't do that anymore because you know, yeah, well I don't do that anymore that anymore. But I love the sun. So we have a beautiful pool and I would be out there while she was parading in men into the apartmental I'd be like hi, and She's like, there's my roommate,

you know. And I'd call her a virgin all the time because she was one at a later age than I was one, and I just couldn't understand I'm still a virgin. She I couldn't understand how she didn't want to get some penetration. I was like, Colleen, let's go, let's get the show on the road. She kept trying to get me to go out and everything. But I just,

you know, I just I was very naive. I was very young, twenty three year old, very young and naive, and I was the butt of a lot of jokes and it it did wear on me, but you know, I got through it. But yeah, Chelsea and I, I mean we um. Do you remember when we went shopping for our couches together? Okay, so Chelsea and I decided that we would go shopping and each get our own couch because we love to watch shows together. We'd watch friends. Yeah, so we got our own couch. And she had no money.

I mean she would she would ask her sisters for money. She would call and be like, I put money in my account. I'm completely broke. And I was like, well, we need sofas. So I got a credit card. I opened a credit card, and every month on the refrigerator I had how much she owed me, and she would pay me pay me back. But we would fight constantly. We would get into drag out whole hair pinch id like to pinch on the floor in our apartment, rolling around pulling hair. I mean kind of stuff are you

fighting about? Like what? Like what? She would to vide the bill? She would like, give me, well, it wasn't just that bill, because there was other bills, right. She would divide the bills like if there we split anything, and she would divide it down exactly to a t. So it would be like so and so in like twenty eight cents, and I'd be like, oh my god, Colin, can you just round it to a certain number. But anyway,

go on with your version. Well wait. We would just fight about anything about everything, and probably because she was making fun of me and I would get upset and I started to sit and I was super sensitive and then when I start to cry, you're gonna she would do that to me and it would it would really like. So Chelsea is super handy. I mean, she decided that in her bedroom she needed a desk for you know, we had those computers with the big monitors and everything,

and so she was when desktops first came out. So she was like, I'm going to Ikea and I'm gonna get myself a desk and I'm gonna put it together. And she did and she came back with this desk. Then she was like, it's going to be done tonight, and like a week later she was still on the floor putting like I mean, she hit. It was funny. It was funny because, yeah, it took forever for her

to put that together. Do you remember that. I do remember my desk because I remember that was the first email account that I ever got, was when we were living there. It's still my email address, it's my original email address. It's causing me a lot of problems quite frankly, because well is a ship show and it's the server never works, So I have some other email addresses, but

that's my primary email address. But we lived in this right in this kind of like Melrose Placy type place, so we would hang out a lot, like we go

to launch or we go to dinner. We worked together, so we were basically like you know, operating as sisters because we were fighting all the time, but also together all the time, right, Like we would fight and then be like, let's go to the movies, you know, and then but wait, something I would like to do is I'd like to read those Chicken Soup for the Soul books. And Chelsea would be on her couch and I would be on mine, and I would read her chapters of the book and we would just I mean, it was

like a really nice bonding time. But I remember, do you remember we had dinner with Terry and a lot of people from the restaurant one night, and I mentioned that I was reading Chicken Soup for the Soul to you one night and the ones that the one lady said, it's so nice that to do that as a as a couple, like she totally thought we were a couple, And Chelsea's face was like, no, no, we're not together, we're not there. Yeah, yeah, but it was so funny.

But yeah, I mean we would do stuff like that. Honestly, it just was I was like, you know, the demon and she was the wholesome one. I was the demon child like crazy was like. And we and then she had a crush on a guy that would come to the restaurant, and we were all about it, like we just wanted this to happen for her, right, we wanted this to come to Fruition because she had It was years that you had a crush on him, the soap

opera star. Okay, I I hope he never ever listens to this, but we're not going to mention his name. But he would come in and I had the biggest crush on him, and I met lots of celebrities. I became friends with lots of celebrities by them coming in, just by seeing them every day. And he would come in and talk to me, and I was like I would come home every day and tell Chelsea stories about this is what he said today, and it was just like, I mean, it was so exciting. I really really yeah.

I loved him. I did. I was like, wow, I So anyway, I got the opportunity to go to a function that was a really high end function, and I was like, I'm gonna ask him to go with me. And I did. I knew where he lived. He lived in the Palisa, So I went to his house and I knocked on his door and and he answered the door in his briefs. He was in his yeah, oh yeah, and he was beauty. He's he is, he's beautiful. And he got behind the door and I'm like he's like, Colleen,

what are you? What are you doing here? And I'm like, oh, I just have a question to ask you. I'm going to this function and I would like you to come with me. And he just looked at me and he started laughing and he said, oh, I can't go with you. I said why not? And he said because I have a function that I have to go to tonight. And I said, well, maybe it's the same function and then you could take me, and he just was like, I'm sorry,

I think you should go. And by this point I just looked at him and I was like tears and tears running down my face and I was like, oh, I'm going, I'm going. And I got in the car and I drove home and I bawled the whole way home. And when I get home, she's just like, what is wrong with you? Because I'm just like a man mass And I told her what happened, and she's like, you're nuts. You've got the biggest balls of anyone that I've ever met. I can't believe that you actually went to his house

and did that. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I did. I did, but I I've seen him since you did that. After that, Oh man, he was on and I wasn't there to see him. I knew someone that worked there, and I went to see the show at taping a few times there. So when I found out he was on, I was like, oh my gosh. So I told the person and they said, oh, let me tell him, and so he was like, yeah, yeah, send her back, send

her to my trailer. So I got to see him and he introduced me to his wife and his lovely children, and I mean, he's he's an awesome person. And you know, that was just me hoping that, you know, but I fucking don't you do regret doing that exactly. That is what every listener should know. I don't regret at all.

I've done a lot of crazy ship in my life, crazy shit that I and you know what, it's brought me to where I am right now, and I have no I mean, I I don't think you know this, but I was in love with this guy for years and years and years. I was friends with him for years and years and years. And we spent the day together and I hope he's not listening, but anyway, I loved him and we spent the day together and I never told him how I felt and he was leaving,

he dropped me off. We spent the day and down Barrington Avenue. I decided I had that because I feel like my life sometimes is like a romantic comedy. And I saw him leaving and I started running down Barrington Avenue calling his name, and he stopped in the middle of the road and I went up and I was like, I love you, I love you. It didn't go well. It didn't you know again, it didn't go well. Yeah again, I can't remember that it was supposed to be a

romantic comedy moments, I know I have. I've had a lot of those moments where I think it's going to go one way and it it just it doesn't. It goes bad, so, you know, but I don't regret it at all because now I've I've met my husband and he's wonderful. Yeah. Did you have to take any of those sorts of risks with your husband? You have to take risks. We met online dating? Yeah, we met on e harmony. We're like an e harmony success story. Yeah,

there's a lot of e harmony success stories. Yeah, so great. Before we get to all the fun stuff, we'll take a quick break. Okay, sounds good. We'll be right back. But yeah, getting back to Chelsea and I we um um, we have to talk about something else. We have to talk about our vacation that we decided to take. I wrote about this in My Horizontal Life and this is where. Yes, the cruise ship. We took a three day cruise from Long Long Beach to Ensonata for for the for the

New Year's holiday. We were like, let's spend New Years together. We're gonna We had no money, so we were carnival cruise. Everybody just yes, it was Carnival cruise. It was. It was a disaster. I recommend I recommend never going to Ensonataval. I would like to recommend for going on a carnival

cruise with it doesn't matter who the company is. I had visions of us walking on board and seeing like Captain Stubing and you know the doc from the Love Boat, like I thought the whole that's what cruises were based on my television experience. Yeah, I have a picture of Chelsea on the cruise. So let me just good news. Let me just get this real quick, because this would summarize right here, This would summarize Chelsea. Do I just where do I show it? This would summarize you giving

the finger to her, bundled up in blankets. That was pretty much where. We're gonna have to send that to me so we can use it for the podcast. That's how cold we were because we thought, oh we we're gonna go to Mexico. It's going to be beautiful, Oh my god. And all right in this picture we are and I'm gonna tell this story. This right here is us wearing our bracelets so we don't get sick, you know,

the motions bracelets, which you know they don't work. But anyway, um, so there's me and Chelsea there I am as a brunette. My goodness. So maybe, but but this cruise we were freezing the entire time. We get on there and there was these First of all, do you remember running through the decks like we were like running like we were in the Titanic or something like running away from people

that were chasing us. Do you remember, Okay, when we first got on there, I think there was a guy is that and you were like Rod Rod, and so we're running to try and find our room. You don't remember that you stole away. I don't remember that part. Well, we get on. We get first of all, the room is the size of like a bathroom. I thought it was gonna be like a romantic love sweet you know, where we have some big master and she and I would just switch off when we hooked up with guys. Meanwhile,

we check in and it's literally the size. It's like a twelve foot by twelve foot room, cabbyhole. You had to climb over one of the single beds to get to the fucking bathroom. Like the bathroom wasn't easy, like accessible for anyone to take a shower. You couldn't take a shower. I mean you were like this washing because you couldn't move your arms. It was awful. And then we had a porthole. This is a really fun story.

So if you've ever been on a cruise, you know that dinner time you sit with the same people every single night. And we're all excited to go to dinner. Let's eat it's all you can eat buffet. We get there, we sit down. So who we sit down with is a family of Mormons. And they were lovely, they were you know, it was a really nice family. But this one over here, she just offended them left and right, left and right. I mean, it was so bad. It

was it was I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed because every other the word is f this and then they're just like I mean, it was like a husband and wife and they're like five kids or something, and it was so so bad. So we finished dinner and the next night, I'm getting ready for dinner and I'm like, are you ready to go? And she's like yeah. She's like yeah, I'm not. I'm not going have fun.

And I'm like, what you have to come to dinner and she's like no, you fucking go have a good time, and she didn't leave the cabin the rest of the two days. I gotta once I got a full understanding of the company we were keeping. I was like, I'll just be inside the cabinet. So I was so upset. I had to go and have dinner with the family who you know by association I was the devil. So I had to sit at this table with them, and

they hated me and it was just awful. Oh it was I can't believe she made me go by myself and she just she thought it was funny. I was like, I just can't commingle with those people again. And and when we got to Ensenada, I was like hey, because there was like, oh, they're gonna be gambling on the ship. I was like, okay, great, that's something that will keep

me busy for at least an hour. But you create your gamble until you crossed the Mexican border, so I was like, you had to wait like twelve hours to start the gambling. And I was like wait, what what? And then on the way back, the same thing as soon as you got into I don't even remember gambling American waters. Yeah, we gambled together. We did. Did we win? No? I mean we had no money. It was like twenty dollars and you know, I think I blew that and lost it right away. But I was like trying to

convince Colleen. I was like, listen, when we get to Ensenada, we have to jump ship and we have to get a car to take us back to l A. And She's like, Chelsea, we could get assaulted. At least we'd have a good New Year's Like, who cares what happens on the way back home. But I'm not taking this fucking boat back. And I was just trying to convince her. Do you remember that I trying to convince her to get off the boat and the rules. Yeah, I follow the rules all the time. I followed the rules. I

was like, why do you We'll pay someone. I'm like, we'll find somebody to get us back to l A and we will pay them. And she's like with what money. I'm like, who cares, We'll figure that out later. Yeah, No, that was just it was. It was a nightmare. Kept you alive by not letting you, like find a random driver and you're welcome. Possibly, yes, but yeah, thank you. Yeah,

she had a good hand in keeping me alive. At least I wasn't such a bit that I just left her on the boat, because that would have been a step above that would have been. That would have been. But I think I I don't think. I think we were just so mad. I I honestly don't think we talked the whole way home. I think that we were like pissed. I was just like, I mean, we get so we would get so aggravated with each other. We were we were like sisters, and it was like we

wouldn't talk to each other. We'd be like, fuck you, and then ten minutes later she'd be like, you want to go to c p KNY, And I like, let's do it. That's funny. That boat was also so depressed because it was cold. I don't know. I had this idea that was in Mexico everything was warm. It have to get there first, and it was freezing, so like there was no bathing suit action. There was no lido

deck activity, nobody was. There was a pool and it was completely covered, like it was closed off, like we thought we were gonna be hanging out our bathing suites right right. It's like we did nothing. We did tracked. It's like we almost had no idea what happens on cruises, Like we thought it was going to be well. I think we just took a bad one. I think there are really good cruises, yeah, but I sure there are, but in general, I would like to stay away from them.

I know, you know, it's just not that's not my scene. It's funny what you remember from that trip and what I remember from that trip, like different memories that the other person doesn't remember at all. It makes you wonder, like, am I making all this shut up? You know? Like when I talked to my sisters, they're always like, you're

so full of ship your memories, they're not real. I'm like, and then somebody will corroborate it, you know, in my family they'll be like, actually that wasn't that was true? And my sisters will be like, oh great, don't give her anymore, you know, gas, because she already thinks she fucking remembers everything, and I know I don't. Joe's always like, you have a six month memory, He's like, and even then it's pretty shifty. Well, he's adorable. I want to meet him, I know, I want to tell him to

come and say hi if he's in the neighborhood. I also, do you remember your car, your first car that you bought at six o five? No, which one was. She had a black Echo, a Toyota Echo, and she was so proud of herself, and she would go, look at me, I'm so cute. O, oh my gosh. She loved that car. Oh that car was the buzzing around because that was the first brand new car that I had ever driven, because my father was a used car dealer, so every car I had ever had up until that point was used.

And I remember when I got rid of the Toyota Echo. I went to go turn it in and I got it in this place in the marina. It says I got a whale of a deal. It's said on the license plate, and I remember that. And then I when I turned that car in and I got my next car. I remember the car. They were opening up my glove compartment and they found an egg McMuffin clove compartment from like two years before, and I was so hard. I was like, oh my god, this is exactly what my

parents like. This is exactly how I had turned into my parents, because they would drive around their disgusting cars with fucking McDonald's, old McDonald's coffees and egg mcmuffins in every compartment you could find, and then it happened to me. I was like, oh, this is a full circle moment. Yeah, that was her. She was so proud of that car. Yeah. Yeah, And then I gave it to know I didn't give it to someone. Oh, I got Chewy. When Chewy and I got together, he I was like, this is you,

this is the car you need this to No. I got him a different one. But he had his own little Toyota Echo, a red one, because that was a perfect size car for him. That Toyota Echo was amazing because you didn't even have to put it in reverse. You could just pick it up and turn it around. That was my joke and stand up. When I had that car, I would talk about it all the time. What kind of Yeah, what kind of car did you drive? You had a Okay, well I came here. I think

it was my Camaro. Wasn't my rent? Yes? Yes, okay, so my Camaro. By the way, we're both from Jersey and um I had my car, my nineteen seventy one or something Camaro. My dad shipped it out, and yeah, it was the greatest. I loved my Camaro. But yeah, it blew up on me. My dad whenever he came to visit. He would do the oil changes. He like, would you know, do my car in the parking lot.

That's another thing. She's always been super close with her family, right, we actually have some questions that are exactly about that. So I'm interested to hear. Oh, yeah, we have to take colors. By the way, people have to call in and get advice because I'm the one to give advice. Who am I to give advice? This is perfect, but they just needed from anybody. It doesn't really matter, all right,

But yeah, well that's something. I would talk to my parents every single day, so I would tell them everything that happened throughout the day. And that would drive me like, what are you doing? Like she'd be on the phone with her dad and she'd be like, and then whoever the crush was, let's say his name was Luke. She'll be like, and then Luke came in, and then Luke said this to me, didn't And I'm like, that's your father. And then she'd be on the It was so funny,

and I would be so annoyed. I like, you need to get some friends, Like you cannot be on the phone telling your parents all this, And she's like, I love my family. I tell them everything. I tell my mother everything, and I tell my father everything. And that was not the relationship I had with my parents. You know, I wasn't telling them anything. I'm still really close. I

mean they're they're here visiting me for two months. And and now Colleen has her own child and she has a step well she has two children because she's a stepmother. And you actually gave birth. I did, I did. How was that not fun? It's it's terrible. It was. I mean, I people say it's the most beautiful. It's not. It's beautiful when you're holding your baby at the end. But I ended up having an emergency C section. It was traumatic and really scary. And an epidural is a life saver.

And anyone who doesn't do it, I don't know what the funds wrong with you, because it is, like, I mean, it really helps you a lot, a lot. I would like to get an epidural just just yeah, it sounds good. Yeah, so yeah, so yeah I gave birth and yeah, and then I, um, I gained tons of weight my I you know, balloons, like I don't even know. I've I've lost forty five pounds in six months. What are you doing okay? So well? First of all, let me just say that I went to my doctor and my doctor said,

you have high cholesterol. I was on medication for everything, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and the beginnings of a fatty liver. And I was like, okay, I have to do something. I have to take control of my body here. So I started on this diet where I eat super clean, I eat veggies, I eat protein, I cut out carbs, I cut no there's no bread, there's no pasta, there's no alcohol whatsoever. So you probably couldn't do this diet. But yeah, I just eat really clean and I exercise

five times a week. I run and I do at intervals like I walk and then I run and I on an incline, so I think it's really important to get your heart rate up. And then I walk, like every point tenth of a mile, I stopped, like I'll either walk or run, and I do that for four miles, so it keeps my heart rated and even keel. And yeah, I just started losing weight and I started making really small goals for myself, and every month, I'd lose ten pounds.

So not any specific diet, just common sense, like common sense. But I also do these meals. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's called Factor and my husband and I he's lost like thirty pounds two. Um. We do these Factor meals. So we get them delivered and we eat them for dinner, and they are delicious. They are it's like a gourmet meal. I hate to cook anyway, so I'm like, I put it in the mic way for two and a half minutes, I put it on

a plate. It looks like a gourmet meal. There you go. Done. It's portion control. It's delicious. I got my parents on it while they're here. We're doing the Factor meals. So I tell everybody because I've been getting like people commenting and on Instagram and stuff, and I send them the Factor thing. I'm like, it's worked. So it's combination of everything. I do the Factor meals and I work out, and I'm just really you know, diligent about what I put

in my body. And and you had said when we were on the phone, like you know, getting to know what your interests were and stuff about you. You had said that, like you are finding that you're actually able to carve out time for yourself because You're like, this is my time. I go to the gym, and so it seems like you're feeling really great and well as a as a mom and all moms, no, you have no free time. You have none. I mean, for the past five years, I don't do anything else for myself.

It is for her all the time, and you start to get really depressed. We moved to Orange County from l A last year and there's a dairy Queen across the street, which is not not because I'm like, just go to dairy Queen, and you know, and I wanted to try all the restaurants and stuff, and I put on the pounds, but yeah, I don't have any time for myself. And then she started school, which is the

best thing in the world. Schools awesome. So she started school, so she goes for four hours a day and those four hours are my time, and I go right to the gym. I drop her off and I go right to the gym. So it's not even like a question of what I'm gonna do today, It's off to the gym. And I feel the best that I have ever felt, and I have time for myself, and the most important thing is no more fatty liver. No more cholesterol, no

more high blood pressure. Everything's under control, and I feel great. So I love that. Yeah, that's such a motivator for so many people who are feeling like that. Yeah, once you have kids, I don't even understand how people can function. I don't even get it. It must be so it's talk about all consuming. It's it's the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. I love this child so much, but it is the hardest. Okay, I have O c D. My husband is a perfectionist. She doesn't have much of

a of a chance here. She's a she's going to be a disaster, but she's she's already got O c D issues where all of her toys have to be perfectly stacked up and and um. But she's the sweetest thing ever. But yeah, the tantrums and everything, it's it's not fun. How do you handle tantrums? I just locked myself in my bedroom and no, no, no, no, no. Um. I'm getting better at it. Usually I'm like, what's wrong? What you know? And now I have to I have to calm myself down and try to see it from

her perspective. Because kids, they're upset for some reason. You have to try and understand where they're coming from instead of just getting upset. So my husband, who he's really good at handling that, he's helping me see that. I've gotten a lot calmer over the years. I've let things go. I'm very wound up and tight and very structured, and so I have as a mom, let go because you have to let go, because right, it's too bad you didn't have that skill set when you were living with me,

because that was your first experience with the toddler. It was it was Okay, So we're gonna take callers. People are going to call in or right in, Katherine, do you want to get the ball rolling? Or should we take a quick break first. Let's take a quick break first, and then we'll come back with callers. Okay, Well, see how we do this as a couple, as the odd couple. Alright, Well, our first caller today is Emma. She says, help, I'm a twenty five year old virgin. Dear Chelsea, I'm just

going to cut right to it. I'm a twenty five year old virgin, and I hate it. I shouldn't really use the word hate because I don't hate the fact that I still am, but I'm embarrassed and I can't help it. It's not that I want to wait, or that I'm waiting for the right person and all that ship. I just haven't had the moment of okay right now is fine, but would stop something from going further. Every man I've had somewhat of a relationship with has been

respectful and kind about it. But I hate bringing it up, and I hate that I feel like I have to bring it up. I also hate looking around me and seeing all of my friends talking comfortably about their sex lives when mine is non existent. So I'm seeking any advice that you can possibly give me because I can't help but feel alone in this. Sincerely, Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi, how are you? Hi? Emma? This is my roommate from many many moons ago in l A. Her name's Colleen,

and she's our guest today. Yeah. Hi, Hi, it's so nice to meet you. Guys. Well, it's so nice and refreshing to meet a virgin. I don't meet a lot of virgins. I don't either, Yeah, I do know other virgins your age, not within like my circle. Oh that makes it even more. That makes it stand out more. Colleen, why don't you talk about your experience because one of us had sex at a very young age and one

of us was a little bit more um responsible, Yes, yeah, responsible. Well, Emma, first of all, there's nothing to be embarrassed about at all. I lost my virginity at twenty nine. In my head, like I was telling Chelsea, I feel like my life should be like a romantic comedy, and that's what I was waiting for, the perfect love and we were going to ride off into the sunset together. And I felt

the same way as you. I was embarrassed. I was like, I'm just gonna have sex with with anybody because this is so you know, you just at like why am I not meeting someone or what's going on? I actually wish I would have waited longer because the person that I did have sex with it was a mistake and it was a mistake and it was a horrible experience. It was awful and it was terrible. It wasn't a good at treeria Is, I would have waited. So my

advice to you is, don't be embarrassed, don't settle. You're gonna meet someone who loves that you are a virgin, You're gonna meet someone who appreciates you and who adores you, and don't ever apologize for it. Just be who you are. That's the most important thing. And if you're not feeling it, don't do it. Yeah, that you should embrace the uniqueness that is you and your virginity and all the other unique things about you and focus on those things. That's

that's something that's cool. Ye uncommon you know what I mean, it's it's uncommonly cool, I should say. Anyway, anyway you phrase it, it covers it, like, that's cool. You have something that not a lot of people have going on right now. Yeah, that's true. It's definitely like uncommon. Like when I tell men when I'm in a relationship and it's starting to get a little risque, you should say, I've never had Like I said, I've never had a

bad experience telling them. They're always very nice and they're surprised for sure. But it is uncomfortable kind of to bring up because I can't help but have that little guy in the back of my head being like this is so embarrassing. No, I know, I know, I feel you. I was in the same boat I actually didn't even tell the guy that I had sex with it. I was really I didn't even tell them. I was just like, Yeah, was it because you were so eager to have sex

or was it you were so into the guy? Like, well, I honestly think I was twenty nine. I hadn't really met anyone that I really really really liked, and we were dating, so it was going there. But I didn't want to tell him because I was embarrassed. I was the same way as you feel. I was embarrassed. I was just like, Oh, he's going to run away if he finds out I'm twenty nine years old. This is and so I didn't say anything. And after the fact

I told him and he was just like what. But I regret that whole situation because I would have just waited to find someone that appreciated me. And so my advice to you would be to just hang in there. You are going to meet someone. You're going to meet someone that adores you, and it's going to be like, Wow, you waited for me, and that's gonna be so special. So that is special. Yeah, I think I've read too many books in my lifetime, so I have this whole

preconception of like it's a magical moment. Like I just read I'm in graduate school and I just read Forever by Judy Bluem and it's literally about a teenage girl having sex for the first time. And I was like, this is too fitting. This is maybe a little past two, but also like too fitting. I love Judy Bloom read those are the fastings around. So, Emma, what are you waiting for? Are you waiting to be in love and being a relationship, like a really serious relationship. Is that

what you're waiting for? I think kind of yes, And no, I don't. I'm not like into hook up culture. I I live in Boston, so like dating out here is hard enough as it is, especially in Boston. Um, but I've definitely like gotten away from that whole. I'm going to wait for the one, and I'm gonna wait for

someone that I really like. You know, if I'm currently dating someone and it's going well for a couple of months or weeks or whatever, like and I have a moment where I'm like, I feel comfortable enough right now and they know, so let's give it a shot. That's kind of my mindset right now. And it took me a while to get in that mindset because the embarrassment just like never went away. Yeah, and I think it

is something that's lovely. Of course, it's not like what it looks like in movies or you know, sounds like in books. But my advice would be lose it with the person that you can kind of laugh about things with, Like you're laughing in the middle of it, You're cracking jokes and like sometimes it's really romantic and sometimes it's not.

Sometimes you're just like fooling around. So I mean it might be helpful to be with somebody who, like you can kind of joke around, laugh about it, and also like you don't necessarily have to say it's your first time. I think that's fine. Yeah, that's so true. I've definitely been in relationships and and with men that I do feel comfortable enough like not only telling them, but being like, yeah,

let's try. But as it continues, it's like, Okay, no, I was wrong, Like I'm not ready for this, please back up. Yeah. I also I would say, I don't know, Catherine, I disagree with that. Maybe calling you can speak to us, but I think like if you're gonna if you've waited this long, right, Which isn't it like a ridiculous amount

of time. It's a it's a logical amount of time, Like you've waited this long and you're not going to jump to Like, why not have that experience be on the table with the person that you're going to have it with so that they can be even more careful and like caring you know about the situation, because if you have been, you know, saving yourself for the right person, you know, it doesn't have to mean it's your husband, but the right person, someone who cares for you deeply, right,

that's all you really need is somebody who really cares about you. Why not have that experience together so that they know going in you know that it is your first time, because it can be a more delicate situation. Yeah, that's true, that's true. I completely I do agree with that. I think that you know, he should know, and you should feel totally comfortable with him, and it gives him the opportunity to make you feel even more comfortable and even safer. And if it goes the other way, then

it's not meant to be with him exactly. And I think me as a person, I would feel so guilty if like I didn't tell them, and then it would just be like in the back of my head and I'd be like, I'm such a fucking horrible person. Well, then you have your answer about whether you should tell them. That's true. So that's why I always That's why I've always told people, because I have a feeling I would just feel like so guilty, and I know what I'm

not like obligated to tell like my partner. But at the same time, it's like I wish I could just like not and not have those feelings of like anxiety and guilt over it and just let it happen. Yeah, I think it's special, Like it's special. Embrace the fact that it's special. Nothing embarrassing, Yeah, embarrassing losing your virginity when you're you know, a teenager to someone that you don't even know, whose name you don't remember the point of that. No, mine was Mitch, I remember who I

lost my virginity too. But he knew I was a virgin and he was very careful with me. Yeah. I have a friend who she actually in her thirties and just lost her virginity. But when you say, like all my friends were talking really easily about this. I remember there was a time when a bunch of us friends were talking and one of the girls was like, how

did everybody lose their virginity? And when it got to her, it was like, well, it almost happened this one time, and then it didn't, and you know, she handled it well. But at the same time, like she's now at a place in her life where like she's having the first great love of her life, and it's just like all this anxiety she had around it, all of these worries, they're gone in like the blink of an eye, and she's having so much fun, and it's just you know,

when it happens, that happens. Yeah, I also feel like the pandemic didn't really help me at all. I moved to Boston in followed nineteen, so we only had a window of like a couple of months to go out there and date and meet new people. And then it was like, oh, just kidding, you're stuck inside, you're alone. We'll just hang in there. You'll meet somebody who is perfect for you and will make you feel special and it won't matter that you're a virgin. It's very true.

Thank you, Thanks for calling Emma, you're adorable. Oh, thank you. So you're adorable, virgin. Thank you so much. Hey, I that's a great compliment. I'm gonna add that to my like LinkedIn profile. Yeah, all right, thanks Emma. Let us know how it goes. I will keep you posted. Jay sounds good. Nice to meet you. Bye. Nice to meet you too, Emma. Bye, Thank you. She reminds me of me when I mean totally like, what a better question

to have a caller call in with. She's good, good producing, Catherine, Well, thank you. I mean this next one is pretty on the nose for you as well, Colleen. So our next caller is Ashley. She is thirty one and a stay at home mom. She says, Dear Chelsea, my mom and I have always has been very close. However, I love my independence and personal space, and she is about as codependent as they come. We talk every day on the phone, text back and forth numerous times a day, and she

shows up at my house unannounced all the time. She has no boundaries and relies on my kids and I for her fulfillment in life. Sadly, my brother and only sibling passed away four years ago, which puts an even bigger burden and responsibility on me to be there for her emotionally since her partner is not at all. I know how much the daily calls and texts mean to her, but I can't help but feel super annoyed when I have to check in with her and tell her every

detail of my life. So my question is am I being a bit for wanting and needing my own space when I know how much she needs me. Any help on how to navigate this relationship would be so helpful. I want to be there for her, but being married with three kids is a very busy life, and I can't help but feel that she just adds to the stress. With love Ashley, Oh, Hi, Ashley, Hi, Ashley, Hi, Hi, Hi. This is my friend Colleen. She's guess Hi Colleen. Hey, Chelsea, Hey,

So tell us what's going on? So your mom is around a lot? Yeah, she is. We live only a few miles away from each other, and like I said in the letter, my brother passed away and I don't have any other siblings. So I try to be patient with her and let her over whenever she wants to come, and always stay in touch, But sometimes it's just annoying being there for her all the time. Yeah, that's a

tough one because I can understand. Yeah, but I mean she I mean, how can you create boundaries now, I guess is the question right when there haven't been any before? How long have you guys lived this close to each other? Oh, we've always lived really, We've always been super tight growing up. She was a single mom. My parents got divorced when I was a baby, so we were always her. My brother and I were always really super tighten it, and

she was always like the cool, fun mom. Uh. I mean, as you know, when you lose someone in your family, but it's like to just see your parents crumble. In a sense, it was different for you, I know, because you were a child at the time. But it really does just change a person. And she is very sensitive and I try to not hurt her feelings to be there for her, but sometimes it's just like I have a lot of my own ship going on, and it takes a lot out of me to take on her

stress and depression, you know. Yeah, Yeah, this is such a tricky area because your mom sounds like she's you know, she's grieving too. You know, she lost her son. Even though it's four years ago. You know that doesn't ever go away for a parent. Yeah, and you're her only family and your children are her only family. So it's like you want to be sensitive and empathetic too to

the fact that she that you're the only ties she has. Yeah, and that's why it's like my door is always open for her, and she does totally take advantage of that. But it's like I just I like my own personal space. And I told Catherine before, like I moved out when I was eighteen, haven't been back since. We don't have the type of relationship where I've ever like relied on her for anything or depended on her to provide anything

for me and my family. I've always just been a very independent person and I let her in as much as I can, knowing how much it means to her. But it really does just sometimes just suck the life out of me, knowing how much it takes to be

there for her. Well, is there any other sort of configuration you can work out with her, Like, is there a a lot of time you can give her with each of the kids alone or maybe all of them together, so it's less on you and more on like you know, like what about dropping one of your children off to her for like two hours a week and they each get their one on one time with grandma, So that doesn't necessarily involve you or her being at your house, like if you frame it's or her like mom, this

is for the kids. They get really jealous when you spend you know, you can make up whatever you want when you're with them all together. They all want one on one time. You know, I think this might be a great idea for both of you. You guys, you get each kid for two hours a week at your house and you do your thing with them alone, or she could take them all out without you, you know, like, is do you trust her to do that? Or is she like able bodied and everything? Yeah? Oh yeah. She

is an absolutely phenomenal grandma. She's very super close to my kids, Like they do probably go over her house a couple of times a week, which is great. But it's more so the thing that gets under my skin is like when she pops over all the time unannounced. She never feels like she needs to call and say like, hey, I'm around the neighborhood. You mind if I pop over?

Is now a good time? It's just a sense of like she's entitled the come over whenever she wants, or like if she comes over and I'm not there, she'll call me and be like, hey, where you at, It's like, I don't know you an explanation of where I'm at. Those are more so the things that really get under

my skin. It's instead of like not being there for her, I'm always there to talk and all that, but it's just like the sense of me owing her all these explanations about my personal life when I just it's like, I'm an adult. I'm thirty one years old. I shouldn't be needed to check in with you every single day. It's almost like when she calls when I how I told you earlier, when she says, just doing my daily

check in, it's like that's that's not necessary. And whenever she's like, hey, what are you doing, it's always the same thing. Nothing new, nothing new because I just talked to you yesterday. It's like if we went more than a few days without talking to each other, then I would have more to fill her in on and vice versa.

But it's like she already knows every aspect of my life that it's like I just have to go with it just because I know that maybe what she needs now in the moment, it's just it's off to someone. They're trying not to let it annoy me. Yeah, I agree with Chelsea that there is a conversation that has to happen, and putting some parameters, like whatever that signal

is in place might be might be really helpful. So maybe it's like, hey, mom, like the kids are back in school now, schedules have changed, and we really need to kind of know what to expect each day. So you know what, if the light is on on the front porch, like, feel free to come on in. If it's not, we might just need some family time or have a busy school work night that night, or you know, whatever stage your kids are in, put it on something else.

Things are changing because of X y Z. The world's kind of getting back to normal, and so we need to have a little bit of family time. That's just our nuclear not nuclear nucule I'm usually yes. My parents actually they have a place in in Phoenix where they live half the year, and then they just sold my childhood home this last year, and so they've spent a few weeks living in what we call the suite at my sister's house. They've got their own bedroom with a

bathroom and all that nice stuff. But when they are fun with the kids popping in, I have teenage niece and nephew on that side. They'll leave the door open and when the door is open, the kids can come in talk about their day. But when they close the door, the kids know like grandma and Grandpa are not ready to chat, or they're having coffee together, or they're doing whatever, and so it's sort of their signal. But yeah, maybe

there's some sort of a signal. And maybe it's also like we're going to do this and have the light on sometimes and have the light off sometimes, but we're also going to do game night every Sunday. So it's that sort of like creating a compromise before you even need to. Yeah, how old are your children? Six and one? Okay, well then you can totally pin it on them anyway,

you know, right right right? She has such a help when she takes them, yeah eight, So I mean take advantage of the fact that she wants to take them and maybe lean in on that because that's a moment for you to be okay, some alone time. Yeah, maybe made into that and she's not. You know, setting up boundaries sounds like, oh, it's gonna be a conversation. It's

gonna have hurt feelings, and it always does. But eventually, after the initial wear and tear of a conversation like that, it invokes respect in the relationship and both sides, you know, because people start to understand, oh, it's not just a free for all. I can't just show up because you know, if my best friend said to me, you can't stop you. I need you to call before you start coming over, I'd be like, wait, what I thought we had an understanding like I would feelings would be hurt. Oh sorry,

my feelings would be hurt. My back is all fucked up, so I can't sit still. I'm just like, I don't want you to think I'm masturbating during this call. I

know it's a sexy subject, but feelings are hurt. But like, people do respect boundaries, so you just want to draw them lightly, put it out there in a certain way, like I want to be around the family, I love you to pieces, I'm noticing I'm needing a little bit more alone time, and so the nicest way you can say that and figure out the ways to get that alone time while maybe sometimes you're also providing her with time with the children. You know, it sounds like a

good compromise. And then and you know what Catherine said. I mean, Colleen, you haven't chipped in yet or chimed in yet. Do you have anything you want to I agree a lot with what Catherine said. I think that you need to carve out time. I like the idea of actually having the conversation with your mom and just say maybe you even say, you know, this day and this day, we're busy with this. How about you come over, like she said, on Sunday for family game night, or

you just make it certain days. I mean, I'm I'm super close with my family and I talked to them every single day and there are yeah, there are days I have nothing to say and it's just and I tell them I got nothing for you today. But you know what, it's about hearing their voice and and connecting with them because they need it as much as you do.

And you're so lucky to have your mom be here, and one day she won't be And so for me, I'm getting emotional and I'm sorry, but um, she's been crying the whole episode, so I don't worry about it. My parents are here for two months visiting me, and it's such a blessing. And I try to see them every single day for some time, and they know they have boundaries and they're like, you guys, have your family time. We'll see you tomorrow. We're gonna we're gonna do our

own thing today. And I really appreciate that because it does. It takes the pressure off of me. They know, you know, So if your mom's not really getting the hint, you know, have a conversation with her, just tell her how much you love her and you love seeing her, but you need some time. I mean, I'm a mom too, and it's hard and you need some alone time. Yeah, I mean, even if it's just you and your kids, you need just you and your kids sometimes, just so I get it.

So just be gentle with her. She sounds like a lovely woman. She is, and I do love her so much. And I felt so guilty even writing this submission. I felt like I was like going behind her back and betray or even just talking about her like this, because she is an amazing woman and we always have been so tight, and like I know, she's not here forever, and and she loves to remind me of that too.

She'll say, you'll miss me one day. I'm like, I know, I know, but it's like you said, I think it's a good idea to just come at her in like a loving way, in a calm way, instead of kind of you're annoying me. Give me, because if you dont want to address it, it might come out that way. You know, it's good, And it has in the past where I have tried to address it and I have kind of like snapped a little bit, and she will

like it does hurt her feelings. And you can think of just real quick, one time in particular, off the top of my head, I had just had a baby and my son was like five days old, and she just kept showing up and I'm like, mom, you've been here six times in the last five days, like I'm trying to figure out how to breastfeed. Our sleep schedules are completely all over the place, Like please just call

before you come, and she just started crying. It's like okay, okay, oh God, that conversation didn't go the way I hoped, Like I just made her cry. She left, Yeah, that's another way to also go at it is to just blame yourself. I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling irritable lately. I'm feeling like I need some more space. So if you can help me through this time by giving me a little bit of extra space and a little bit

of a more alone time, I'd be so appreciative. You know, if you come at it like it's your issue, that is a really good, that's really good angle tof com come into conversation like that because it is me. Yeah, yeah, yeah it is. I mean, listen, everyone annoys the fucking ship out of me. So you don't have to tell me twice about your mother coming over too often. I don't have I get it, I get it. But thank you. I thought you would. That's why I wrote in I'm

like you. You get it from all angles. You've experienced loss, and you also seem like the type of person that does like your own personal space. So I really appreciate your advice. Well, good luck, Ashley. Let us know how it goes. Thanks. I will and I absolutely love your book. Life Will Be the Death of Me has helped me out so much. Thank you so much for everything you put out into the world. It really does help. Oh, thanks, Ashley,

I appreciate that. Welcome. You're welcome. Thank you, take care you too. Bye bye. All of our callers are always so cool. Yeah, they're cool. They're cute there, I love it, so nice, normal, they're not fucking weirdos, you know what I mean. Well, a couple of times, but usually those are men. Yeah, yeah, we try to avoid those. We are going to take a quick break so you can hear and add and then we'll be right back. So

our next question comes from Caitlin. Caitlin says, Dear Chelsea, my eight year old daughter determined that the way for her to do whatever the funk she wants is to respond with I forgot you told me not to do that, or I didn't hear you say that. Engaging with her and entertaining her lame excuses is out of the question because I know it's all bullshit and I won't pretend otherwise. I want to wrap up these shenanigans without opening the

conversation up for an argument. How would you handle the nieces and nephews that you've been saddled with if they tried to pull this ship. A five milligram gummy with a margarita definitely helps, but I appreciate any additional advice you can provide. Cheers, Caitlin. I think anytime she says anything like that, I didn't hear you, I don't remember you telling me that, then something there's a punishment that goes along with that because she wasn't paying attention or

she's conveniently forgetting. So there has to be a repercussion for any time she says that, right, like whether it's screen time. Well it's eight years old, so I don't know if she's got a phone yet or what, but yeah, I nipped that in the bud right now. How she's eleven? And have you ever had to deal with this kind

of thing? Yeah? Yeah, it is hard. It is hard because yeah, she'll say things and I know that she's not telling the truth, or it drives you nuts because you're like, no, you're I know, you're not telling the truth. I know, I know, you know. But there has to be repercussions for everything. There has to be. I mean, there was one time she was forgetting her jacket at school.

She forget a lot of things, but this is just an example, but forgetting her jacket at school every day every day, and we'd lose jackets, they'd be gone, and I'm like, we can't keep buying you jackets. And it was just like, okay, well, you know what, the next time you forget it, you're gonna give me your phone for the day, and doesn't forget her jacket anymore. That was easy, you know. I mean, there has to be

repercussions for things. So it's either if she has a phone that needs to be taken away with her anytime she forgets something or she doesn't hear something, then you can take away your phone. If she doesn't have a phone, make it screen time. I'm sure she loves the most. Whatever you take away, it's got to be a little bit hurtful. It's got to hurt a little bit. Yeah, yeah, take it away, take a couple of hours away at night,

or take it away altogether. I mean, I'm all about that, But you know, parents are so scared of their children not on screen time anymore. Like, okay, I'd take it away completely. What will they do. I'm like, well, I don't know what the funk we did, which was not be on our screens, but Yeah, you have to instill Like I mean, she's doing that because she can get away with it, So stop letting her get away with it. Yeah, problem solved. Okay, and our last email comes from Darla.

Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty three year old single mother of two. I recently had a third child as a surrogate. Well before that, I was married in a loveless, sexless marror of ten years, and in between the marriage and the surrogacy, I was in a five year relationship with a struggling musician. Before I met the musician, I had never really enjoyed sex. When we came together, I was in my late thirties and had the first of many, many,

many orgasms with that guy. I really feel like he saved me, and I feel like he was my true first love. As much as he says he wanted me and the kids to be his family, he never really blended well when we were all four together. I've always struggled with low self esteem, but I feel like I've overcome that to a large degree simply by getting older. But now, after having had three vaginal births and tearing pretty much the whole caslapis in this last delivery and

completely wrecking my breasts with nursing and pumping. Think rocks and socks. Do I go back to the guy who I know isn't right but loves me and accepts my body we have unreal sexual chemistry. Or do I roll the dice and maybe go online for dating. I've never done that, By the way, I definitely want to partner, not casual random sex. Thanks Darla. I thought you said she's had her third child with a surrogate. She was the surrogate. Oh, she was a surrogate for someone else. Yes,

so she's has two of her own children, okay, not three? Okay. So she's asking if she should go back to the guy that she has great sex with right but like not doesn't really jell with her with the family, or whether she should go online and find she should go and find someone else. She's got to find someone that accepts her family. I think he well, yeah, ay, and yeah, you have to find somebody who's like perfect all the way around, and he's got all the qualities that you're

looking for, not one of them. Sexual chemistry is only one component of a relationship. Don't settle. We've been talking about this NonStop. Do not settle for anything less than what you deserve, and you decide what you deserve. And if you think that that's all you deserve is a good sexual chemistry partner, then then that's all you're gonna get.

But I would say to set your standards a little bit higher and desire someone that's going to come in except your family for what it is and how many people there are, and be able to contribute in a meaningful way. Maybe they'll even have some family of their own that they're bringing to the table. And don't settle until you find exactly what you're looking for. Also, the language that she uses around her body like that, to me is like thing number one to deal with. Like,

obviously this other guy thinks you're crazy hot. Someone else will think you're crazy hot. But I think you've got to fix some of the stuff that's going on inside and what happens when you look at yourself in the mirror, because I mean saying like, oh, my my breasts are rocks and stocks, like it just hurts my heart for her, Like, do some looking in the mirror and talking to yourself about how beautiful you are, even if it feels cringe e and fake and bullshit at the beginning. Do it.

It will change the way you see yourself, Like get giggly and excited when you look at your yourself, even if it feels like lying to yourself, be like, oh my god, I look amazing today. There is something that it does in your psyche that when you do start dating again, people are going to be so attracted to that that like positive radiant energy you have because you're psyched about yourself and they'll be psyched about you too. Confidence is everything, too, have confidence in yourself and and

know who you are. And yeah, don't settle, don't go back, look forward, look for someone new. Also, yeah, I sorry I skipped over that, Katherine. Thank you for bringing that though, Like it does feel like the timing isn't necessarily right for you to be like that to be your sole mode of operation is finding a man. Maybe you should spend a little bit more time with yourself and your girls,

Like you've been through a lot. You just had another baby for somebody else, Like that's a lot, So I think you should take a time out and like reinvest yourself and yourself and your girls and your family or sorry, I don't know. If you have boys or girls, but in your family and and yeah, find the value in yourself and do a little inside work before you start to look for you know, another external factor to bring into your family dynamic. Yeah that's really good. Well fill

us in. Let us know how it goes, Starla, keep us posted. Yeah, let us know. Well, let us know what develops and what doesn't develop. Yes, well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with Colleen and Chelsea. Okay, we're back from our break. Colleen and I were gonna have a snack, but she's not eating anything bad, so we didn't have one. And now we're here we're just having water. Yeah, it's so great. How many meals do

you have a day? Three? Or do you allow yourself? Okay, this is I'm going to tell people what I eat because a lot of people have been contacting me on Instagram and stuff asking what I'm just gonna tell you what I eat for breakfast, I have two hard boiled eggs. That's it. For lunch, I have chicken salad. I make chicken salad with a little mayo, and I eat Keto bread, so I make like a little Keto sandwich. That's lunch

and then I eat a Keto bar from Costco. It's like a little chocolate keto bar, and I have that in between, and then for dinner, I have the Factor meal or I go to CPIK and get my special salad that I get at c p K. But yeah, I don't eat out all that often. My husband and I are both on this diet, so we're you know, but yeah, that's pretty much what I eat, and so yeah, I don't cheat. If I cheat, it's a keto dessert. So Colleen, Yes, we also love when our guests ask

for a piece of advice from Chelsea. So is there anything you'd like to ask Chelsea about? Well, I'm gonna ask Chelsea a question about health because I really admire and now she has Ben Bruno. You've got a trainer. I don't have that, but but I your body's a main thing. Thank you and your pictures in your bikinis. I I'm like, okay, my goal. I've never worn a bikini ever ever, so my goal is to look good in a bikini. It doesn't have to be perfect. But I got the pooch still, I had a baby, I

have the belly. I want to know how I can tone my stomach. What exercises I can do at home to just give me. I hate sit ups? I hate them, so please don't tell me sit ups. But something I don't know what to do to tone the stomach muscles, to make me. You know, I don't have any definition yet, So okay, I will tell you what I what my experience has been. I with your diet that you're eating, I don't know how long you go without eating food. Is it like three to four hours or is it

five to six? Like? What is it? I don't know. I'm like two hours, I'll eat, I'll eat a bar. So okay, So I would say to try this every so when I get my leanness, Like if I have a photo shoot, this is what I do. I eat and then I set my alarm and in between three you have to wait three to four hours and then I eat again. It could be something small, it could be a full meal, whatever, but every three to four hours to feed your body is how you get the

remaining last five pounds off. And you don't have to do sit ups because as soon as your ribs, like as soon as I start doing that, my fat just starts. Because you need the fat to burn the fat, right, so you can't deprive yourself a fat. So what you're doing, your plan is working. But I would just say time it. Don't eat every two hours, eat every three to four hours with student wherever you're hungry between those three to four hours, and see if that makes a difference, because

that's a way to kick start your metabolism. And that's to have to get ready for anything, okay, because there's like that last you know, five pounds and it's and I have I've had a baby, whatever, but I mean it's I'm not bikini ready yet, so I would like to, you know, put on my bikini too and feel good

in it. Us feel good. And even if you're not hungry with the three or fours, I know you will because you eat pretty consistently, right, Like if you need to split it up, Like the more you can do that throughout the day, the more meals you can have, the better. Like five small meals is better than four small meals because it just keeps burning your fat and it gets in there to those areas that are hard to lose. So yeah, I'm doing it right now. And I mean I can already tell I've lost body fat

and I've been doing it. It It takes you'll see a difference in four or five days. But I wanted to hear what happens with that with the diet thing too. So you'll see a post and I'm keen and I'll tell you, yeah, exactly Fitness for Life Chelsea Hammer. Well, do you want to plug any socials or anything? Colleen? That's fine, Colleen, What am I? I don't even know. She tried to get the handle dumb dumb. She's like, I'm not on Instagram or anything, and she's like, I'm

gonna get the handle, dumb dumb on Instagram. Colleen underscore Saragosa. There you go. There you go. You can follow me there or ask me any questions and I'll get back to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. This was so much fun, so much fun. I'm so glad you came. Thank you, Colleen, Thank you, Gathrie. Where's Joe Koy because I need to meet him here. Oh my goodness, I said, I need to shake the hand of the man. Okay, stand up dates. I have Winnipeg

coming up March tenth and March eleventh. There are still tickets to the second show, which I believe the second show was added on the tenth. Yes, we have two shows coming up in Toronto March twelve. You can get tickets to the late show still for that, and then I'm going to Ottawa, and then I picked back up in Cedar, Rapids, Des Moines and Omaha April fourteen fift

and then every weekend and through July. So pick your tickets up, go buy them at Chelsea hand the dot com and you'll see me on my People's Choice Award winning comedy tour, the best tour of one and even though it's I consider it to be the best tour of two as well. Thank you also for tickets to Vancouver and Calgary. I really apologize for all the changing of dates, but now the Grammys have been rescheduled for the day that I was going to reschedule my Vancouver dates.

And I don't get nominated for Grammys very often people, so I have to go to those. So we are rescheduling again the Vancouver and Calgary dates. They are most likely to be rescheduled in August. But you can always check my website we will update or Instagram or Twitter. We updated all the time and as soon as we have those dates locked in, you will hear about it, so my apologies and any tickets you have will be

honored for those new rescheduled dates. And if you like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com