Season Break Nugget 2: Not If You’re Gonna Hit On Me

keep it moving. Yeah, And Katherine is pretty much in charge of this podcast, so it's basically like having a nanny at work, right. I hope I'm a nice fanny. You are? You? Are you? So? Yeah? You guys, I'm really excited because I am. I'm in love. I'm in love with somebody that I've known for like eighteen years. He used to be on my show, my old show Chelsea Lately. His name is Joe Koy and he was

like my little brother. So I just really never thought that I would let that happen or would be interested in that happening. And I hadn't in him for a really long time, but he used to be on my show all the time, and we We always had a great bond, but it was never anything more than a friendship.

And then I think about a year and a half ago, he reached out to me because he wanted a blurb for his book that was coming out, called Mixed Plate, and I'll never forget He texted me and said, hey, can we talk on the phone, And I wrote, not if you're going to hit on me, and he wrote, God, Chelsea, what's wrong with you? And then I was like, Okay, you can call me, but he FaceTime me, and so I don't like. I didn't like FaceTime. Now I like FaceTime because he's forced FaceTime on me. But we kind

of reconnected. And then I went to Whistler and then he called me almost every day when I was in Whistler face time, which means I rarely answer. But he just kept face timing me and face timing me and face timing me. And you know, no one could come to Canada because of COVID and all the borders were closed and I got in by the skin of my teeth. So I just never really thought about it. And then when I came home, we started hanging out and everyone kept saying to me, like when are you Joe Quick

gonna get together? I'm like, it's never gonna happen, Like, it's not like that, It's not like that. And then one day, it was one day he walked in. I was performing in Vegas and he came to my show and he walked into the mirage, into the hotel room, and my sister and a bunch of my friends were there, and I just thought, oh, like, this is okay, okay,

now this is going to happen. It was just a total I just saw him in a different way, and I definitely think therapy made me look at him through a different lens, even though it took me a year to see he was never going to make a move on me because he really valued our friendship. So I basically had to get to the point where he tried to convince me it was my idea, even though I

know it was his idea all along. He wanted me to believe that I've had a crush on him for eighteen years, when really the truth is that he's had a crush on me. But whatever, We're not gonna you know,

parse words. We'll have him on the podcast at the beginning of season two, so we can both tell our versions of the story, but it's basically like Harry met Sally, but he's Sally and I'm har And I have to say I would never ever shout from the rooftops about a dating situation unless I felt completely different than I've

ever felt before. And I have to say that all of my work, like therapy, internal work and trying to like, you know, self awareness, meditation, all of those things really contributed to me being able to be in a healthy relationship with somebody who just is so healthy. I said to him the other day that I found cellulate on my arm. He goes, you know how hot that is? I love cellulate, and I'm like, you make me want

to do anal like those times. If men could just talk to women like that, then everything would be fine in the world. If men could just tell women that every shortcoming, every self conscious thing that they have, every insecurity, if they just sat there and too. I mean, he calls me every morning all the time. He's just everything he says is right. And I want to write a handbook. Well, I'm going to write a book called the Filipino Inside Me or no, the Filipino in Me. Well, I haven't

decided on the title, but don't steal it. And it's gonna be a handbook for men and men how they need to treat women. Like everywhere I walk, he just follows behind me and picks up everything I put down, my purse, my sunglasses, my lip bomb, my phone. He just follows me around and picks it up. Never lets me hold anything, never lets me do anything for myself. I mean, it's just like exceeded any dream I've ever had about how any man could ever be. And I, you know, now I'm done for So I'm with him.

And and he has sleep apnea, so he basically looks like an octopus. Every night when he goes to sleep, he hooks up this machine, this plastic bubble that wraps around his nose and over his mouth, and then it's a strap behind his head, and it's a box and a chord that he can It's like basically living with somebody from Jurassic Park every night. And I'm I'm okay with it. I mean, I'm okay with sleeping with somebody who has allowed Hippopontamus in the room. That is love.

That is love. So I'm in love, and I plan on staying this way, you know, for forever, really with him, And I just wanted to share that with you guys and the audience because I know a lot of women

out there, you know, think, oh God. And I really was ready to just assume that I would be by myself for the rest of my life because of the way that I feel about you know, not all men, but certain types of men are really discouraging and they make you feel like, oh God, I'm never going to be with anybody smart enough or cool enough or kind enough. And I just thought, oh, I'll be alone. I'll be fine. I've got money, I've got friends, I've got my family, Like what do I really need? Do I need all

of that? So for that to come along into my life means that there's a plan for everybody, and everybody's going to get what they're supposed to get. And it makes me believe that everyone's going to be fine. Now. Yeah, and like you had a full life. But it's like the cherry on top, Oh my god, the best cherry on the top. I mean, he is just the asked funny tells me to shut the funk up. I love that He's like, Hey, Chelsea, why don't you shut the

funk up now. I love that so hot. I mean, that's not really in style right now, but it is for me. Well. Our first update from a caller today comes from Andrea. She was from the episode if you're asking the question, you have the answer. Her sister has down syndrome, and she was wondering if she should continue to have her sister. I remember her, Yeah, so, she said. After the show aired, I was able to listen a

few times and thought your advice was bang on. A few days afterward, I kind of broke down in overwhelm and tears, as the realities and responsibilities are big. But I've been feeling a lot better since, so that's good. I've been messaging a guy for sixteen months and obviously talk to him about my life dilemma, and he said

something really nice about needing an understanding partner. I also remembered that I had told my ex husband I wanted Adele to live with us and he had said no. Hence, I think why he's the ex husband, so that might be something I need to let go of. For now. Adele's still with me, and we're going to make her a YouTube channel to share her cooking and dance moves.

I think her going back for the winter is the best course of action so I can just be out in the mountains without having to make sure I'm home on time every night. Andrea, okay, Andrea, okay, I remember you vividly, and I tell that story about you calling in whenever I'm talking about this podcast, so that sounds good.

But yeah, again, it's exactly what we talked about, right, Like, any man worth their salt that's going to come into your life is also going to love your sister, so that can't be your impetus for however you decide to move forward with the future. So I understand she's going back, and maybe it is too big of a responsibility for you, but to put a man that you haven't met before your sister doesn't make any sense either. And I'm glad you really listened to the podcast and keep us updated.

And I like the guy that you've been talking to you for sixteen months, But like, when is that party going to get started? Let's go right, sixteen months? I mean something more needs to happen, right, okay? So in person, yeah, and sixty months messaging, I mean I would have lost that. I would have lost steam for that about two weeks in. So our next update comes from Andrea, who wanted help breaking up with her boyfriend. I took Chelsea and Brandon's

advice and broke up with him. Oh God, that sounds so terrible. It was hard, and at the beginning he took it very well. It's been rocky ever since. He wanted to keep talking as friends, but I found it hard to differentiate the before and after, so I told him I needed distance. I loved what you said about his feelings not being my responsibility, and I tried to remind myself of that whenever I feel bad for him.

Knowing that someone who I was extremely close to is no longer close with me, it's sometimes hard to process. Otherwise I feel great. I love being single and everything that comes with it. Andrea, I love that updated. And also, you know about someone else's feelings not being a responsibility. Feeling bad for somebody is totally normal. That doesn't mean

that you get back together with them. All you have to think about is if somebody got back together with you because they felt sorry for you, would you ever want somebody to date you out of pity? No? So that's your answer on that front too, and it's nice that you feel sorry for him. But he's going to be fine. Everybody survives breakups. They happen all the time,

so I'm proud of you. That's exciting. Our last update for today comes from William, who was dealing with codependency issues and he had gotten divorced and then when he went on another date, he found himself like immediately thinking this was his person every single time. He was a teacher, he was in a band, and he had written about these dates that got him ghosted after he read too much into the connection. He says, I found Chelsea and

Brandon's advice to be absolutely spot on. The most controversial advice when I told other friends about it was the one text rule. Remember he had said, well, I only text people a couple of times if I haven't heard back from them, and you said no, no, no, you get to only text them one time and then it's done. I've implemented it and have had positive results. No one gets scared off anymore, and I shake loose those that

aren't interested. What was controversial was when I told my female friends about this rule, they said, what, that's terrible. I want someone texting me all the time, so I know they're interested. Both of my friends, like me, suffer from codependency issues. I admire Chelsea's ability to separate sex from emotions. It's a characteristic I had prior to my marriage, but haven't been able to separate since my divorce. I often confused these passionate interchanges with something deeper, much like

the date I originally wrote about. So I started realizing that I need to love myself first, take some time to myself, which was what you recommended. So I started doing some soul searching. I planned out vacations and took them on my own. I took a few with my son and family. I went camping, I went to Vegas. I did everything to reaffirm my identity. I ate well. I loved being with my family. And next I'm going to do the prey a portion. I'm going to a

Buddhist monastery for six days. I'm hoping this will open me up to a spiritual definition of who I am. I'm already starting to feel like I'm ready to date again, and I feel more affirmed of who I am, so much so that I applied to the Master's program for education. I'm slowly starting to dip my toe in the dating pool one text at a time. Thanks William, Oh my god, yeah, I remember. William was a bit of a hot mess.

Because here's the thing. Yes, when you're into somebody and the relationship has developed, then the constant texting is fine because you're both on the same page. But when you're starting the relationship, it can't be uneven like that. You have to like have a little bit I don't want to say gamesmanship, but there has to be a little bit a lure of a lure, like I don't want

to be bombarded by somebody in the beginning. And you know what, perfect examples of Joe and I dating, Like whatever terms I set, he just agreed to them and met them. If I was like, okay, we saw each other one night and I need three nights off, he never said a word. You just go make himself busy. If I call them and say, oh, let's do something. Now, we're inseparable because it happened at a natural clip. It

wasn't forced on us. So like just because something doesn't start out like so fiery, like oh my god, we have to be texting back and forth. That takes a while to develop, and it's un natural false intimacy if it happens before it's ready anyway, So it's good to just meet people where they are instead of trying to push it into something that it's not. And I think with all of your self reflection and introspection, you're gonna be at that place where you realize you don't have

to do that. You don't have to force the situation. When it's right, it will develop naturally and you'll know how to behave in an appropriate way tantumount to the situation. So this is good. We should have a summer camp, a dear Chelsea summer camp. It would turn into just a Molly party though, you know with my history. Well, I think we have to take a quick ad break, Chelsea. Oh my god, yes, let's do it excellent, and when

we come back, we'll have some questions for you. So our first question for you, Chelsea comes from MW My really pressing question. They say, can you discuss your eyelash experience? They look so beautiful? Oh yes, I have Mony does my eyelashes. And I have a girl, Sarah, who also I don't have her, but she does my eyelashes too, I get fake eyelashes installed, is what I like to how I like to frame it, probably every two and

a half three weeks. I like to ask for the chocolate brown because I'm a blonde, so the black ones look very fake, and I don't like them too bushy because they look fake, they do fall out. You're supposed to clean them. I don't do that. I don't follow the protocol, whatever protocol there is for hair, nails, face, I do, and then I hope for the same results. So I get my eyelashes done like every two and

a half weeks. But yeah, I mean that's my eyelash story. Really, it helps you look a little bit more alert, especially if you're someone who's stoned all the time. And it also takes off a couple of years probably makes you look young her. So there you go. We actually get a ton of emails about your eyelashes realistically, like scary you use all that stuff. Oh you know what. The great thing about fake eyelashes is you never have to use Mescara ever, because it's already messcarat. So yeah, I

wish we could call out her business. Let me just see what it's called. House of lash l a that's where my woman Amani works house of lash l A, So if you're in l A, that's a good person to go do. Oh. The other question that people ask about eyelashes is if they ruin your regular eyelashes, And the answer to that is, I have no idea because I haven't seen my regular eyelashes in a really long time. But if you didn't have eyelashes, they would have nothing

to affix. The fake eyelashes too, so I've been told it doesn't cause damage, so you can take that with a grain of salt. I do our next question. We really you've very much answered in the beginning of this, but this was actually written in months ago. You talk a lot about the men you date. Do you ever date other comedians? Charlie, Well, yeah, that this is the first comedian that I've ever dated, maybe the one first one. Oh no, it's not the first comedian I've ever slept with.

I've slept with a couple of comedians, none of which I'm proud of. In retrospect, I think they've all been canceled. But anyway, Yeah, this is the first comedian that I've been in a relationship with. That's great. If you had to decide between comedy and humanitarianism. Which would it be and how would you pay those Hollywood bills? Christian, Well, I mean, in order to be more humanitarian, it's good

to have money. So I would never be able to choose between the two because being a comedian allows me to do nice things for other people. And you know, so if I was just a humanitarian, I probably wouldn't get that much ship done. I mean, my biggest value, I think is the money that I can contribute, and of course the advice I give on this podcast that's humanitarian. Our next question comes from Zoe All jokes aside. I'm curious when you will dabble with the thought of actually

running for president. You have such a loud voice and advocate so well for the greater good of humanity. Well, that's very nice of you. I will not be able to survive on that salary as a president. I do not have any desire to be in political life, especially after watching what happened in the last you know, six years. I'm I am spent from politics and it's depressing. And no, I'm not going to run for any sort of political office ever. Thank you. I'd like to stick my neck

out and say stuff. I mean, I shouldn't say stick my neck out. It's just good to stand up and say stuff. So I find that to be very important and also something that I just would never not be okay not doing. I would never be okay not doing Alright, I'm just not making any sense at this point. You catch my drift. Yes, Okay, Well, guys, we are going to take off for this week and we will be back next week. Katherine and I will both be back with a very special guest for our first episode of

season two. We will have lots of different guests for season two, people who will be helping me doll out advice depending on the subject matters. All of our episodes are going to be themed, right, Catherine. We're going to pick the subjects that kind of cluster together and find the right guests for those episodes. Some will be celebrities, some will be specialists in certain fields psychiatrists, doctors, neuroscientists,

that sort of thing. But it's going to be a panoply of different ways to kind of help people get through whatever they're dealing with in their lives and your lives. I'm talking to you, and if you have a question, or you and a loved one have a question. Please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Please don't be shy

about writing in if you have a problem. Don't be shy about calling in, writing in with another person, whether it be a friend, a family member, a lover, boss, a co worker. I don't know your dog if he can talk. And from my Vaccinated and Horty tour. Tonight, I will be in Cincinnati, you guys. I am in Cincinnati as we speak, September thirty seven BM. I'm in

Cincinnati at the Taft Theater. And then tomorrow night I'll be in Detroit, Michigan at the film Wore and Saturday night Indianapolis at the Murraut Sunday night, Grand Rapids Michigan DeVos Performance Hall. I will see everybody there. I'll see you guys soon. Talk to you next week. Bye bye,