Season 2 Premiere: A Love Story with Jo Koy

I would have no hair. It's actually a color depositing conditioner, which is great, so it actually makes a nice and healthy and soft and yeah, it looks very shiny and silky. Thank you. Your husband must really really like running his fingers through your hair, you know. I actually asked him recently, of all the colors of hair I've had, I've had teal, pink, purple, all kinds of things. I said, of all the colors

I've had, what's your favorite? And he said brown, very pointedtly, so you know, but he loves me anyway, So you dyed pink. That's nice. Good for you, Good for you. Well. We have a very very special guest today. We are actually recording this out of New York City because I'm on tour with my lover Joe Koy, who was performing all weekend in various parts of the Eastern Seaboard. Well, Albany, we started in that's not really the Eastern Seaboard, but

it's part of the East Coast. Then we went to Portland, Maine, where he had a show, and then we ended it at the King's Theater in Brooklyn last night, which was fucking awesome and a beautiful old theater and he crushed it. And I did guess That's all weekend with him, which was super fun. And yeah, I've been talking about him a lot recently, so I thought there would be no better way to start season two of my podcast than to bring my paramore on with me and discuss our

beautiful love story. Honey Bunny, Hi, Joe Koy, Oh, I love you in uh well, I thought it would be nice to share with my listeners since you know, I always I'm talking about how fucking stupid and annoying men are, and I know a lot of people think I hate men, but that's really not the case. I hate a very as Joe actually put it, I hate do you want to finish it? I hate a very specific kind of guy, right, finish it? No, he doesn't want to finish it. He

just because there are certain things that only you can say. Well, no, you're a guy, so you can kind of you can. I can say whatever I want. And you're also Filipinos, so you can say whatever you want right now. This is this is your free zone right now. Yeah, how's my opportunity. But you said somebody was talking about me on something you did, and I heard you say. They said, doesn't Chelsea Handler hate white men? And you said, no,

she hates a very specific kind of white man. So and I don't hate them, but I dislike them a great deal. But I'm so excited to be with a man that I don't hate, is what I'm saying, and that obviously this is very helpful for all of our listeners who probably agree with me or feel the same way I do about men, which is a little bit hopeless and a little bit frustrated that there isn't a

better selection. And then I found out that the best selection was just standing right in front of my face, and I didn't even notice it for a really long time. And I know you know you did. Well, I know that's your version of things. Why don't you actually tell your version. That's actually the best version. It's my version. I'm excited to hear it. Why don't you extrapolate that on that, honey, your version of since since let's take people back in case they're not familiar with the fact

that we've known each other for a very long time. Yeah, we we've known each other for very long months seven months, seven months, eighteen years, eighteen years, sixteen years, vague. Joe has a lot of memories. Let's be honest. Joe has a lot of memories that I do not recall. Hers are lost. She she had them and then she lost them. I have a six month memory. I think the furthest you go back is eight hours and then everything's a blur.

She's like, what happened at midnight? No, that's not true, honey. First of all, wait, first, well, let's start this just what makes what makes me sad is that you don't remember any of the things that I remember in my head. In my head, it's just it's such a beautiful story. And then when I'm finished telling you, you go, really that happened. It's a cute story though, Because so Joe was on my show Chelsea lately, my very old show that I had for seven or eight years and which

was super fun. We had a lot of fun on that show, and we had a lot of comedians on that show, and show was like one of the top comedians that was always on because he always delivered, and he was always funny and always sweet, and we had a good repartee going all the time. You interpreted that as a sexual flirtatious not gonna do this is exactly for a really long time, honey, and the world had a crush on you know, you had a very specific

crush on me. We had good chemistry. Our chemist, she was amazing, Yes, and you thought that chemistry was sexual, And never did I ever say that. I thought it was comedic. Katherine, are you listening to this? Katherine's listening. She's a producer. She has to listen, whether she wants to or not. No, that's not how it went down. We just had our chemistry was so good. Yes, that's our banter was organic, It was genuine, and I think

the fans saw that. I think everyone knew that right whenever I was on the panel, they knew that Chelsea and I were going to go at it and it was going to be fun. Yeah, it wasn't gonna be scripted, right, But it was abusive on my end, very abusive. I abused you. Hey, but you know what, that's what therapies for, therapy. But what you mean you being on the show was like therapy getting abused by me. No, no, going after the show. I was going to therapy after the show

do but about ten years. But no, I was abusive with him, But that's kind of it was fun. Well, it was fun for you because you have a great attitude about everything, honey, especially with regard to me. In retrospect, I realized said it was abusive in a very schoolyard playground kind of way, which when the girl has a crush on the kid on the guy, and that's what it was, just like had a crush. Okay, well okay, I didn't know if I had a crush on you.

I didn't know about it. But if you believe that's true, what's happened so far in our relationship is that Joe's version of things eventually becomes my version of things because I eventually capitulate And wait, are you saying I'm manipulating you? Is peple? You have a narrative which is always positive sunshine and roses and that eventually I just get on board with your narrative. And I tell Katherine, what you

think I did? This was a plan, Okay, let me tell you there's an outline to this eighteen year strategy that I've done. This was all strategically planned, put together a timeline. Joe had a vision board, okay, and he had and then he manifested all of this exactly. And so there was a trip to Hawaii and then there was a picture of Chelsea right next to it. So let's just say the trip to Hawaii crossed out eighteen years ago. I'll tell you my version of it because

it's really cute. And and again, I just want women to understand, like if I fell in love with somebody and I and I feel this way and I'm so excited and like committed and devoted, then I really do believe that there is a lid for every pot, and that that's not the most romantic way to frame it, but I do believe that like women shouldn't ever. First of all, you should never be desperate about meeting somebody,

because that's not how you meet somebody. You should just make sure you're keeping your eyes open with a the people who are already in your life and be the people that you may not look at that way or think of that way, but you do really have a lot of respect and caring for because those feelings can

develop it to something else. And I thought for sure that would never happen to me because truthfully, I felt like you were like, you know, brother energy, Which is funny because you do have my brother's energy, my brother that passed away. You have a lot. He is a lot of similar qualities that my brother had. So in many ways, like I just feel so completely safe and I feel like, oh, this is family. Like I I've always felt that way about you, that your family. I

just didn't want to suck you before. But so what happened was so Joe had a book called Mixed Plate that was being released before the pandemic, right right before the pandemic. Yeah, so bad timing, actually bad timing. So please get yourself a copy of Mixed Plate, okay, and then send it to us and we'll both sign it. And he asked me for a blurb, right, He texted me, I hadn't heard from you in years, right, years? Years?

I said, of course, and he sent me the book and read it in a day, like she always does with books. She has a library stored inside her brain. And that's the truth. You always have a different book with you and like the next day it's like another book, another you'd ripped through. I did a quote that Bert Chrisher sent me a quote, right, just like this motivating, motivational quote. You know, you don't do quote, you read a quote. Just let me finish this, okay, and then

you'll be right for the rest of the show. Okay, okay. And then so he sent me this quote. I read it to Chelsea and then she knew exactly who the quote was from. And it's just like that stats who Chelsea is? Mary Anne Williamson. It was a Mary Anne Williamson quote, and you know she I read it, and by the way, the way I read is not good, So for her it's not understanding what I was saying. If anyone in this relationship is going to read something, it's going to be me. Hey, han, I already already

told the world I can't read. Okay, you don't have to. You have so many other childs you can read. Just you know, yeah, you can not. Well, that's not Yeah, it's well, actually that was good. Well anyway, back to my literacy, but no, and then I asked her for the quote and then she goes, Okay, I'm gonna write this for you. Excellent. Yeah, she wrote this amazing quote. And then he texted me and he said, can I call you? And I said, not if you're going to hit on me? Do you tell what I really said?

You said, because you go, I go, can I text you? And then you go, not if you're trying to fuck me? And then I go, God, Chelsea, do you think everyone just wants to funk you something like that? I don't think you wrote that, but you said, God Chelsea, And of course you know I have stood good go through our text chains for the and finding that one. Okay, any anyway, so then we started talking. You started calling me, and then you came over to my old house one night.

We hung out. We got stoned, and we laughed on my couch. But it was COVID times, so we definitely kept our distance until we hugged. Well we hugged, but we had masks on. So we hung out at my house and we had a great time, really fun, right, We laughed our asses. He bought me a product little person. I said, you could take that right back, because I mean, you know, I'm not going to wear a purse that says product on it. I don't like labels like that. And you were offended, of course, But we had a

fun time anyway. And then I went to Whistler for three four months and then we faced times all the time because you were up my ass. Well, I was in Whistler and you were so excited about my skiing and you were jealous of the skiing, right, and yeah, he's skied and then he's skied in Vegas, so that's a different kind of skiing. But skiing it's snow and then there's okay, so it's skiing difference. What am I skiing down sand dunes? I don't know, are you? But

it's an indoor skiing in Minnesota. It's it's not, No, it's outdoor. It's on a mountain. You thought was that cir circus just going down black Diamonds. Anyway, that happened, and then you sent me a bunch of flannels which were really cute because my brother chat that I talked about in my book, and we've talked about on this podcast.

Used to wear flannels all the time, and even when he passed away, I remember I would go into his closet and he had this like curtain in his closet and I would go in there and just smell all his shirts because his smell never really went away. And then Joe wears flannels all the time. But I never really made that connection. But there is very something warmth warming to me about a man in a flannel. Her compliments always came to me, and I didn't realize it

until like later when we started getting serious. But every time I put on a flannel, she would always compliment me. Yeah, she'll be a whistler and I'll be in Vegas and I'd have my flannel ones and she goes, oh, you look good in that flannel. You should wear flannels more more often. But we were just friends talking. Yeah, yeah, but you were in love with me at that point, probably right, did you? Were you? Honey, tell the truth. You can tell the truth. I mean, we're just doing

a podcast. I mean, of who wouldn't, well, a lot of people wouldn't, but you, you know, I've always loved You're so cute. I told you, Yeah, of course, you know. And one thing that I treasure the most with Chelsea is her friendship because she's such When when you get Chelsea to be your friend, it's going to be the most solid friend you'll ever have. So you want to

secure that, you know. So I always wanted to make sure that she was happy, and and I just wanted to secure our friendship because I loved it so much, so I didn't want to do anything wrong. Yeah, you want to spoil the friendship, Yeah, because I'd rather have her with me as a friend forever than trying to make something happen for a weekend. That's not worth it to me. What was it that pushed you kind of over the edge into romantic feelings? That's when she roofed me.

Would never waste roof you had an other person. I would only give that to myself. Yeah, it's when she roofied herself. I was in Whistler for three months. Then he was coming to Vancouver because Steven Spielberg saw Coming in Hot on Netflix, one of his three specials on Netflix, and he gave him a movie called Easter Sunday, which comes out next year April one, which is fucking awesome. So he I was in Vancouver, but it was at the height of COVID, so nobody could come in and out.

So even though he was going to come and ski if he could, we couldn't do that. So then he was filming his movie and he's like, oh, come down, you can have a role in the movie. And I was like, Oh, that would be so much fun. But it didn't work out because I was leaving Whistler and then I would have had to come back to Vancouver where he was shooting his movie and quarantined for another two weeks. And at that point I was quarantined out and we weren't in love yet, so I didn't She

wasn't willing to do that until I didn't. Yeah, but I'll regret that because the movie is going to be so awesome and I saw the trailer and he's seen the movie and it's gonna be awesome, and Tiffany Hattis is also in it and a bunch of other and it's just a great representation of Filipinos and it's fucking funny and it's got heart and all of the things.

So then I didn't do that movie. So we didn't see each other for about four months other than face time, right, and then we started hanging out when we were home. But yeah, I guess it was very organic. I remember the minute we both got to l A, we were like, let's go to dinner. You picked me up at one, and then that would turn into like a seven hour

margarita festival. I don't know if you know this, Catherine, but before she was dating me, bed time for Chelsea was five forty in the afternoon, so she was done at Jamas at six, seven at seven, and then New York times at four am and then starts again. Yeah. I went through a phase where I went to bat it around eight and woke up at around five, and that lasted through all of ski season. And then when I came home for a little bit, then I started

hanging out with you, and that changed my schedule. I went from lunch to like lunch to coffee, and then lunch coffee, what are we having for dinner? And then it went from lunch coffee, dinner to let's have a drink and now at midnight. Yeah, now we're just spending time with each other and I go to bed. Now at what time do we go to bed? Last night at three o'clock in the morning. That's a real radical shift. Yeah, no kidding. So there's not a lot of compromise going on.

It just feels like I'm adapting. I just want to tell everybody that I traveled on a tour bus this week and we flew to New York. We took a tour bus with seven other guys. I love you. I have a great crew, Katherine. I really do have a great crew. Like we're we're a team, like legit a team. We all have great roles. And I can't do anything without these guys. I really can't. They're all great. Yeah, they are good, and they're not assholes and they're not

BROI They're just all good human beings. The point being is that I slept on a tour bus for you, which is something that I hoped that would never happen to She said that to me, She goes, oh, yeah, tour bus not gonna work. Yeah. Everything I've told him that I wasn't gonna do, I've done. And now I guess what she said yesterday, Katherine that she goes, I'll just leave this shirt here and the shoes on the bus. So now she has her own closet on the bush. Yeah,

and so that's the story, baby, Yeah, it was. It was kind of cool how you didn't answer Katherine's question though, So when did you? You said organically, but you never gave a straight answer. But when you started having romantic feelings towards me, well, I mean other than always having them. I had to make the first move because I knew Joe respected me too much and was never going to

do anything. We'll tell her what happened in Vegas? Well, yeah, Vegas is when I was like I would love yeah, yeah, because you know, she was beautiful on stage. I was performing at the Mirage and he came to see me, and we had been hanging out all that whole week, and every day was just like a romantic comedy, watching people like frolic around Santa Mat come and knock on our door and then been waiting for you. And did you hear that Harmony thinks I can sing a dance.

That's how much he loves me. He can't even see me clearly or hear me clearly. Um he uh. It was after a lot of hanging out and a lot of really fun times, like we would just laugh our asses off and be silly and stupid, and you know, end up at the pier playing air hockey or in my house playing ping pong, or how about you getting a little hammered. Yeah, and then not having a house key, right right? Oh that was good one night. And then you tell me that you left the purse. We heard

that story. I think I've told that story repeated. Yeah, I think I did. I think that was a very story pivotal moment right there. Pivotal, Yeah, why because that was a night where you know, like I didn't know what was going on with you. I dropped you off. I thought you had a key. I saw you like I always sure someone gets to the door. I always do that and the door. No, but I saw you

go to the door. So then when I saw her go to the door, she's got a bunch of trees by the way, so I saw a silhouette of her going to the door. And then so I hurried up because I had to hurry up and get back to Santa Monica before the bar closed, because she said I left my purse there. So I just hurried up, raced over to Santa Monica, and as I'm going there, she goes, where's my key? I'm like, what do you mean, where's your key? And she goes I'm locked out. I'm like,

oh my god, let me go get your person. I'll be back. So I went look for the She didn't tell you this part, did she? Well, I'm looking for the first for an hour, asking a bunch of people if they stole her purse, asking security, I go, you were, And then there was a group of people that were sitting at the booth next to us, and then when we left, now they're sitting at our booth. So I'm now I'm like, did you guys see a purse here? Because she said she left her purse here, and then

no one said they had the purse. So I'm just like being a detective at this place. And finally I just left. Now I'm calling her. She's not picking up the phone. So now I think she got into the house. But I don't know if she got into the house. I kept calling her and calling her and texting or texting her room. Nope, nope, See she didn't tell that. She didn't tell the story. I went home and got my son because I left my son. I loved my son's been waiting for he's he wanted to like go

out to eat or something. So I went home and got my son. The minute I pulled up and go, hey, man, I think Chelsea's outside of her house and she's not picking up the phone. I went to go get her purse. She said she didn't have a key. I don't know if she got her key, but she's not answering. My phone calls the texting and my son goes, let's go, let's go see if she's there. So now it's my son and I going back to her house and we're literally yelling out her name at her house because she's

not there. Oh, by the way, she has this little what is it that statue like a little waterfall right by her front door. So my son went up the stairs. He went, oh, Chelsea. Oh. She was like, Chelse, I'm sitting out there meditating in the middle of the night with a waterfall. And then so we're yelling Chelsea, and then I'm like, you know what, I think she's in because all our lights are on. By the way, all the lights are on in her house, and I'm like, I I go, you know what, I think she finally

got in, So then we left. Cut to the next day, she calls me and she's like, I fell asleep by the pool so you couldn't get a pool chair. And then she had a footprint on the side of her her ash cheeks. I told you, no, that's from a different thing. I told you I stepped in the treehouse, which was a lie. I didn't. I told him to make him feel bad. You know, I had to sleep in the treehouse last night. And he's like, oh my god.

And then I was like no, And then I realized he had come back and done all that, and then I felt bad. I said, yeah, I was inside good. I know, I know, honey, I forgot, but that was sweet. I mean, I don't know if that's a good story to be sharing, but sure, you know who fucking cares, right, who gives a ship? I can tell you that much. Yeah, And Vegas was leading up to Vegas. He was like, I'm coming to your Vegas show. I'm coming to your

Vega show. Because he does have a house in Vegas also, so you spend a lot of time in Vegas for tax evasion purposes, right, that's the other reason. He's got family and we and you walked in and I just remember seeing him and being like, oh, oh, okay, wait a second, something's happening here. And then she liked my outfit. I liked your outfit, but I just liked how attentive you were to be because I was performing and I was nervous. I hadn't really done a big show yet

for the new tour. I've done about your practice shows, but not in front of like a proper audience. And he was just so attentive to me, like the whole night, backstage age, everything, just making sure I was okay. And I remember my sister going You guys were like acting like a couple. We went to dinner and we had Yeah, we were with Hannah I'm Binder and Alex Edelman are

my opener. Hannah from that show Hacks Open for Me and her boyfriend came and we saw them and we had some other friends there, and then we gambled after the show and that was really fun. And then Chappelle and all those guys came to the show at the very end and they were going out in Vegas, and I was like, oh, I don't really want to go out. I wanted to just stay with my people. Plus we had plans were already planning to gamble, and then we gambled, and he thought my sister was giving him the eye

because we were getting touchy feely. And we had bet on that fight that you and mcg McGregor fight lost on that fight. Is it you and McGregor. Isn't that an actor? It's just okay, Well maybe he was in a fight too, McGregor. Okay, so exactly that may have been why we lost, because I don't even know what the funk I'm talking about. Same here. So we've bet on that fight we both lost, and then we both lost. But what did I do? You made sure that I got all my money back. That's what he always does,

you know about it. We took out money to gamble, and then he always puts the money back in my person even though I've lost it all, which is a really really cute thing. Which is a really cute tradition, honey, it can stop. And so you were hanging out in my room right and in Vegas, and I said, do you have a crush on me? If you do, you need to let me know because I need to respond to it. And he was like, Chelsea, don't ruin everything.

You ruined everything, and I was like, all right, well, then good night, and then you left and then you came back because you lost your keys, and then you sat there and you just waited for you said, I'll wait for you to sleep, fall asleep, and I fell asleep, and he just sat there and waited, and then I heard him walk out in the middle of the night, and I was like, God, is he ever going to make a move on me? And then I just remember I remember thinking, oh, he would never do that in Vegas,

like that's not his style at all. Plus, we were drinking. I was going to kiss her, Katherine, I didn't want it to because we were both drunk. Right, how cute is that? Yeah, I mean what guy says that? So then well, I mean wouldn't like that's the right thing to do when I don't want to be I don't want my moment with you to be a memory of

us being hammered and ship faced the Vegas. And that's why we've made out, especially after all these years, the build up, and everything's gonna be right, it's gonna be right, it's got to be right, right, So it was yes, and so he did that, which was also made me more attracted to him, and then I remember waking up and going funk, I don't want to leave. I want to go with him, you know, and drive back. Yeah, that was cute. She left a video message saying what

time are you going to leave? Because I'd rather go back with you, But I didn't. I ended up flying back because he was going shopping. He loves to go shopping. Now I have to go love to go shopping. But then it was the next day in in l A on Monday, and we went out. We went down to Koreatown and we had a really fun night and and then I think yeah, and then I made a move. I just said, listen, what is the fucking situation? First

I said, do you want to hold my hands? And while we were driving and you were like yes, and then I was like okay. And then we got back to my house and I made a move and said, listen, let's get this show on the road already. That's great. So that was nothing happened that night either. No, No, he didn't let anything happen that night either. Because we were drinking. I got to find the silver window. She literally put her foot on my face and she goes, kiss me. You did kiss me? Honey. Yeah, so that

was good. And speaking of drinking, guess who hasn't been drinking for well, now it sounds like I have a drinking problem after these stories, I know, but it sounds like it. Anyway, I've started my thirty day alcohol cleanse sobriety cleanse or whatever from my Orca because I had Sangria for breakfast a lot in my Orka and I got back and thought, but I got so many d ms from people who were also doing the thirty day alcohol detalk with me. So what day are I on? Eight?

Or nine? I don't know. Let's just say, well, when this airs, it will probably be like fourteen. So but it hasn't been hard at all, probably because I'm with you and Joe's not even Joe only drinks if I drink, so he is fine not drinking. If I smoke a joint, he'll smoke a joint. If I don't smoke a joint, he doesn't smoke a joint. Right, you can take it or leave it all. Yeah, right, so that's good. That's good for me anyway. That's our love story, guys. Hopefully

it wasn't too annoying. No, not at all. Catherine yes, should we start with some callers? Well, I want to ask you a question. Okay, sure, honey. I think I'm allowed to do that, right, Catherine? Yeah? Absolutely, So you really never had not even an interest at all? Is that what you're getting at right now, this whole love story, not not even a tad, not a little bit of

an attraction from day one. Well, this is what I'll say, is that, first of all, I don't think I was in touch with my feelings enough to understand what those feelings were. I would say by behaviorally what I was doing would end Kate that I also had feelings but

didn't know how to they weren't registering. So I think by going to therapy, like even when we were talking for the last year, like I still had that same energy with you, because historically that was our energy, which was like I felt like you had a crush on me, and I was in charge and I could kind of just do whatever and you would always be smitten or like taken by me in a way Like That's how I felt. But now in retrospect, I realized that those

feelings were probably I just was suppressing them. I was just not like in touch with myself to understand. Oh, I knew I liked talking to you and I would liked having you in my life because you're so positive and upbeat and it's infectious, and I loved all of that. But I wasn't like, had this desire to have something happened. No, I wasn't thinking about that at all. I just thought, Oh, and by the way, who gives a ship? Because look where we are now? So if I, you know, I

would have ruined it if I had those feelings earlier. Probably, Yeah, I think we're in a better place both, Puss. I would have sexually assaulted you crying in a corner, yeah, trying to file some sort of police report. And you want to hear something else, Catherine. I didn't show Chelsea this, but yesterday John lovetts text me I didn't show you. Yeah, so I'll show you this. This is what he wrote me this last night at like midnight. I'll do it in John Love. It's his voice. You ready, He goes,

how do you meet your new girlfriend? You're welcome, glad, You're happy? I went, ha ha, thank you, John, no problem? Cash bleeds? Are you still funny? I'm selling out multiple arenas? So yes, he goes, Jesus, that's awesome. But basically the reason why that's funny is John's the reason why I met Chelsea. Did she tell you that already? That's another memory that I don't have, see she she doesn't remember

this either. John was doing a show at the laugh Factory every Wednesday night and I would opening for him. This is like sixteen years ago, whatever, sixteen or seventeen years ago, and then all of a sudden, he goes, you have to meet Chelsea handler. She's hysterical. She's my only friend on my Space. And then it was literally just you, that's all you had. And the other guy I think it was whoever the other guy is, It's just Chelsea. Yeah, so it was just Chelsea. And then

that that's when we met was through John. Yeah. Yeah, So I don't remember that either, but I do know who John Lovett is, So there we go. I have a memory of him. Anyway, Thanks for listening to that, you guys fantastic. Should we take a quick ad break? Chelsea? Yeah? Why don't we take a quick ad break? Honey? You can start reading my ads for me. Okay, yeah, okay, great, bye, I mean, see you in a minute. Honey, get ready to get your therapy cap on. Okay, Okay, Catherine, who

do we have on deck? So our first question for you, Chelsea comes from John. Is it John Lovett's Hello? It's not John Lovett, but he's from Texas. He's thirty two, He writes, Dear Chelsea, first of all, thank you for this hilarious and practical podcast. I absolutely love it and applaud the work you're doing for your listeners. Here's the issue. I want advice on my phobia of the gym, more specifically, my worry when working out of the gym that I'm

being judged by others. I recently signed up for Planet Fitness and I love their leave your ego at the door philosophy. However, I still can't shake the feeling that I'm either trying too hard or not hard enough. I know it's in my head, but I'm in my early thirties and want to get my body right for my health and side note he is just over forty days sober as well. Oh wow, well that's going to be a big boost. Okay, Hi, John, let's see you. H oh Hi, Hi, Hi? Where are you? I'm in Weatherford,

so I'm West of Worse so it's in Texas. Sorry about that, but you know, yeah, seriously, I'm sorry that you won't be able to get an abortion there. My goodness, did you meet my lover Joe? Joe's here today too, that's your lover. Yeah, that's new lover. Yeah. He also doesn't use the gym. So but yeah. Anyway, I think, first of all, great job, I'm not drinking for forty days. How did you decide to do that? Kind of had it decided for me? My body was like, you can't

do this anymore. So I got out of that period and I was like, Okay, you have to commit to it, and I did, and uh, I'm happier than ever. It's the best feeling. Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world. Like I get to take my dogs out all the time. We go to the lake and we just walk around and I'm like, what are people doing all day? Like I don't know. It was just it's I'm so clear, and I have so many things I can do, and I'm so excited about life, and so that's a big

deal for me. That's so great to do that I've got gotten because I'm doing a thirty day detox. I've gotten so many dams from people who are struggling with alcohol and the idea of even giving it up, you know, and I think if it's if it's that hard to even give up, then that means that you need to consider it. Right, Yeah, it was hard. I didn't want to give it up. And then once you give it up, and I am in a better a lot better place now. I don't regret it. I don't look back. But you know,

getting through that first period is not easy. I'm still in the beginning of it. But I'm like so like I couldn't even dream that I would be where I'm at now. So yeah, so that's great. And then I haven't I'm starting a new job this week. What are you doing for your new job? Oh, I'm gonna be working at so it's a hotel, working at the front desk. So that's great, and I'm really excited. And I just got my degree from Arizona State in May. So like

I'm on this whole like just resetting, you know. I was trying to get in with life, and you know, I really feel good about it. And the gym thing keeps coming up, where like I go and I feel I don't know, I just don't belong. I'm dirty two now, and I'm like, if I can get this together, then you know, I have everything. Else is kind of I'm kind of getting in line, you know. If I just get this body right, that's gonna be like just the

best thing for me. Well, first of all, you do not have to give a ship about anybody in the gym. Half of those morons don't know what they're doing either, And there's no morm in asking people like if you need help with something. Nobody loves to give people help

more than white straight guys at a gym. So if you need help, you shouldn't be shy about asking for it because it kind of ingratiates yourself to others, you know, And if you don't, if that's not your issue, is your issue you just feel intimidated or is there your issue that you don't know what you're doing? Well, I have like an access, So it's like one end, I'm like,

what am I doing here? I'm fat I don't belong here, to the other end where I think I'm like hot stuff and like I really know what I'm doing, and so like I'm always in between there somehow, and then I end up on like the elliptical for like thirty minutes, and then I go home because I'm like, oh god, I can't do any of this other stuff. I'm gonna look ridiculous. And I just and I feel like other people feel this way. I can't be the only one.

The things show you how to do them, like the machines that are not like freeweights, like the ones that you know, they'll show you how to do them and stuff, and I just feel like, oh God, if I go down there, I'm gonna be ridiculous and people are gonna be judging me. First of all, do you have to remember everyone at the gym is there because they're worried about how they're being judged. So don't worry about them judging you, because everybody's thinking about themselves, So just remember that.

Just like you're in your head, everyone else is in their head. Also. Secondly, there are so many apps you can download that can teach you how to do these things, Like do you have the Peloton app or like Tonal Fitness or one of those. I don't have those yet. Actually, the Planet Fitness apps does some of that stuff. They have like videos, but peloton. I watched TikTok and there's

that guy on there. I don't know if he's seen, but he's really funny and I think he does peloton, and I was like, oh, I should do that because I think you can do just the membership and you don't have to have a like no, you don't need the bike. You just get the membership. You played on

your laptop or an iPad or whatever. There's like ten it in fifteen minute classes they do like you can do upper body, lower body, you can do apps, you can do all of that, but just doing cardio a if you've lost weight recently or anything like that, too much cardio is never bueno, like you know, if people think that's the way. But like, once you've lost the weight, you want to you want to tone up right, you

want to be lifting weights and doing that stuff. So any of those apps will teach you how to do these exercises. You know, these aren't difficult things. They're so easy and you just have to have a conversation with yourself before you get to the gym because you do belong there. That's what you're doing. You're going there to

get yourself healthier. So yeah, fuck everybody else. Don't worry about other people, you know, spend a little bit less time on social media and a little bit more time on like boosting yourself and telling yourself how great it is. All these changes that you're telling me that you've just made are incredible. That's incredible that you stopped drinking for forty days. You have a new job. Look how happy

you are. You're like, right, very happy. Yeah, you know, I was thinking about I was like, Instagram does not help me, but this whole situation be is like everybody I look at on fitness on Instagram, their world wonderful looking. I'm just like, those are called filters. Yeah, yeah, they're called filters. Those aren't real people. By the way, you

said something about being thirty two. One thing you gotta always do is never use your age as an excuse, right, Just enjoy the moment that you're in right, Like, you're in a healthy position right now. You stop drinking. Man, a lot of people take forever to even get over that hump, right, So it's like that's amazing. That has nothing to do with age. It's just like your mental fitness is beautiful right now. So maintain that. Don't sit there and go, I'm thirty two and I'm gonna be

thirty three next year, I'm gonna be forty. What are you doing? There's there's no read. Your whole life is in front of you, man, So don't look at it as a year to year things. Just your life. Who gives a ship how old you are? And also, positivity breeds more positivity. So when you're positive about yourself and like you're really you know, feeling yourself, that's good. You're

attracting people. You track take people to that energy. And you know, when you're having those negative thoughts about yourself, you're negatively pushing people away. To keep that in mind, that's so true, man, People feed off of that. When you're positive, people want to they want to taste the juice you're drinking, you know, without you even trying to sell it. It's just it's just you and everyone wants to be around that space, like yo, what is this

guy on? You know? But if you're moping around and depressed, people don't working around that. That's not who I want to be and that's not who I am naturally and like this, like that's what I was saying this is going to help me get past that hump, Like who cares fulcom in the gym? You know this. I'm here for me. Y'all here for yourselves too. It's not like anybody's going there to watch people, you know, Like it's

in my head. I guess that that I'm thinking that, and it's just you know, And that's what my college roommates like got over that real quick. They never had dec issue. I'm like, I can't be the only one who's like a little shy, like on the work cup machines, trying to do too much or whatever. But no, I I am a positive person and I'm going to take this advice and I'll probably go to the gym right after this. Actually I'm feeling it. And don't be scared

about making friends at the gym. I mean, you're so likable, like, go up to people, you know, get help from from these guys or from girls or from whomever. Just be like, hey, I'm new here, I don't really know how to use this machine. I guarantee you will have no problem getting help. And that's that's a sweet endearing quality. So yeah, keep spreading positivity and everything's gonna come up, roses, especially with that hairline. Look at your hairline. Thank you. He doesn't

have a hairline. I don't have a hair line. Yeah, yeah, he's losing. He lost his hair when I shaved his head a long time ago and sold his hair. But anyway, good luck with everything. It was really nice to talk to you, John, Thanks, Jesse, thank you, thank you all so much. Follow up, let me know, like six months down the road, how's it, how it's going, and what's what happened with your gym experience and all that stuff. Okay, keep in touch, yes Na, thank you? Okay, by cutie,

Oh look him, cutie, honey. That was nice advice. And I love it how he always smiled every time every time we spoke about that. Yea. Our next question is, Dear Chelsea, I think I'm in love with my best friend. For context, I am a twenty two year old male and so is he. We've been best friends since the seventh grade and he's always been the one person I can count on. After high school, he joined the service

and was gone for three years. We stayed in touch as much as we could, and since he's been back, he's been staying with me about two months ago, we were both drunk and somehow started making out. I don't even remember how it started. I just remember not wanting it to end. I've always told people I was straight and always thought he was. I've dated girls before, but I've never felt anything like this. We haven't talked about

that night at all. The day after he began seeing this girl who he's been spending the majority of his time with ever since. I feel like he purposefully makes it evident to me that it's nothing serious with her and he's just having fun. But I don't know how to take that. It's like he has this huge wall up ever since we kissed, and I don't know what to do. Should I try to talk to him about it. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I take his sudden interest in this girl as my answer? Please

help me. I have no idea what I'm doing. Austin, Oh God, yeah, no, Yeah, you got to talk to him and say something, because obviously if he's dating. Yeah, no, you have to clear the air and understand what the situation is. You absolutely have to have a conversation with him, and it can't be over drinks. It has to be in the light of day and sober, and him being with a girl is trying to send you a message,

but who knows what he's thinking. I mean, you know, like there's so many men that are feeling that way about other men, but don't think they're allowed to have that behavior. And I mean, it would be easier to talk to him to understand the dynamic about their friendship, but you have to have a conversation. You have to clear the air and get it out there, and don't pretend what happened didn't happen. It doesn't matter if you

were drunk or not. You know, be the bigger person in the situation and just and whatever his answer is. If he's like, I'm not interested, that that was one night, then that's fine, that's it. That's fine, except that as his truth for that the time being. But at least then you have your answer. And do you have any advice for these two? I think it's done with that guy. I don't think there is a future there. Well, they're

but they're best friends and they remain best friends. But that's why when you're in love with somebody or you have that type of feeling, I never want to act on those feelings. When you're not sober. Yeah, but it's too late. He already has I know, And this is what I didn't want to happen in any relationship. I never want to go in without a clear mind, right. I don't want to act on what I was drinking

that night. You know that it's never real love at that point, right, So your advice is to don't do that again. Don't hook up with him again drunk. It just don't let that happen. Yeah. If you ever have feelings for someone that's bigger than just a friendship, don't act on it when you're not clear minded, right, like when you're drunk. That's not a good time because you're going to find yourself in this situation because the other person probably didn't even think of it that way. It

was just a hook up. Yeah, agreed, Agreed. Okay, So stop getting so ship faced all the time. Problem solves well. Our next question comes from Elizabeth. Elizabeth is a caller. She's here with us. She's twenty seven. She's in Tennessee. She said, Dear Chelsea, I do not like my sister's partner. My sister, Alice and I were members of a gym. It's another gym related one members of a gym where

this man, Michael, was a staff member. For the first several months of us being introduced to Michael, he was known as the creepy guy at the gym. At the time, My sister had just turned eighteen and was a senior in high school. Michael was thirty years old at the time. Alice, who's naturally more friendly and outgoing than I am, eventually began defending Michael when I would state that I was creeped out by him, but I dismissed it as typical

friendly Alice. There were early red flags like him convincing her to go off important medication in and a secret camping trip before I found out they had secretly been dating for the entire summer. Now three years later, Michael has not made any effort to get to know our family. When he picks her up for dates, he sits at the end of the driveway, doesn't come to the door, et cetera. I can count on one hand the number of times he has held a conversation with my parents

and me. Alice has also cut herself off from friends, so she has had minimal interaction with anyone but Michael. Speaking for myself, I cannot accept him. I can confidently say that my sister was groomed by him during a vulnerable and transitional time of her life, and he has knowingly isolated her from everyone but himself. Now, Michael is moving out of his parents house and Alice will be moving in with him. How do I continue to work on my relationship with my sister when such a large

part of her life upsets me so much? Elizabeth? Oh, that's terrible. That's such a bummer when your sister gets hijacked by an asshole. Hi, Elizabeth, Hi, Hi, how are you? I'm good? How about you? I'm good? This is my lover, Joe KOI Hello, Joki. He's our guest today. We're just talking about love, and I guess so are you, because you're talking about the love for your sister. Right, Yes, somebody just came up to your wind. She's like, hold on, I gotta fill this bag up with an order. So

is your sister younger or older than you? She is five years younger? Okay? And how many other siblings do you have? It's just us, just the two of you, and you've always been pretty tight. We've always been pretty tight. This kind of overlapped with me coming home from school and her going away, so there was that transition happening, and so he kind of swooped in right as shoes, becoming one of my peers in a way. And so it's just kind of gotten a wedge into this relationship.

And your parents feel the same way that you do. Yes, yeah, Other than her knowing that you thought he was creepy at the gym and stuff, have you had a real conversation with her sitting down and expressing the concerns you have about his relationship with her and your family. Yes, And in the beginning, there were definitely conversations that we had expressing our concerns about this relationship because of the age gap and just the different stages of life there.

And it was just, so, what's the age gap again? So she was eighteen when he was thirty. Twelve year gap. Now the age gap doesn't necessarily mean as much, but but she's what now? Oh so they've been together for four years now. Yeah, it's hard to break up. I know, what is it about him that you hated? Like, just what's the main thing when they first started dating? That was it? The age? It was I felt like he swooped in at a impressionable time in her life and

it was very opportunistic. So like her first weekend she went away to college, he came and to grow off the grid basically. And he hasn't ever validated that we had reason to be concerned for her, or that we would feel somewhat offended that he didn't make any sort of effort to get back into our good graces. So it's that character flaw, and there are other examples. But is he a bad guy? I mean, like that's not great behavior, but is he Yeah, he doesn't have the

greatest personality either. Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not enough of a reason to make somebody break up with somebody because somebody's personality isn't good enough. Right. I'm not going to say the age isn't the thing as well, but eighteen isn't a good time for you to be you know, the rules should be wait till she has experiences, you know, I mean like two and he was thirty. Yeah, I get it, but like eighteen, you just got out of

high school. Man, you don't know anything else what high school? So I get that, and I can understand where your concern was, but is he a bad guy? He's not a bad guy. I just need to know how to move past those feelings I have about him with them then and move forward with my sister. Right. I don't need to like him, but I don't want to have a relationship with my sister. I mean, you don't have

to like him, but like your sister. You know, it's like it's like, yeah, you want to you want to mend that relationship with your sister, but how do you mend something when you go I like you, I just don't like him, right, So it's like I guess every Christmas, I'll just see you for like an hour and then you go back to him. Like what happens over the holidays like Christmas? Is does he come? No? He doesn't,

So she comes by herself? Does she go see his family? So, up until a couple of weeks ago when she moved in with him, she had still been living at home. She switched to all online classes after meeting him, and so she was living at home while he was still living at home. So we haven't really run into that. Is she traveling back for holidays yet? And where are they? How far away are they from? Where you are. They're about two hours away, kind of out in the country

in small town. Yeah, I would say you need to figure out a way to a just focus on the love you have for your sister and keeping your family intact, because that is your responsibility that everyone in a family bears like you are responsible for communicating and making sure that you are just reciprocating, right, And it's unfortunate, But the reality is that she's been with him for four years now, she's two hours away, so you've got to just lay off disliking him and focus on loving her,

you know, and making sure that she knows if and when the time comes that she is ready to like jump ship, that you are going to welcome her with open arms and not. And I told you so. We never liked him. She already knows that she knows you don't like him. I've dated guys that I know my family didn't like, and no one said anything and I still knew. But I think you that you didn't even like. We've all dated people that we didn't like heavy. Do

you have a boyfriend or a husband? No, I don't, Okay, So I think you should just focus on your relationship with her. You know, even overdo it to a point to make sure that you're filling in for any sort of love she may feel like she's missing, because usually when you end up with a guy like that and he doesn't really have any interest in knowing your family or getting to know your family or doing stuff like that,

it's because he's trying to just isolate you. And you know, you have your own little bubble and that's not good for families. So like any sort of chasm that you create or space that you create between her is going to be a price that you guys are gonna pay, You and your parents are gonna pay, because she's just

gonna be pushed further into him, you know. So you just want to make as much of an effort even with him, even if it's fake, Just make as much of an effort as you can, you know, make the effort to go see her for the two hours, Make the effort to see them both for the two hours, so that it's demonstrated time and time again that you will keep showing up and that whenever she is ready, if and when she knows that she can come to you and it's going to be a safe place, and

that you'll support her instead of her being in a situation where she feels like she doesn't have any family to reach out to. And how are your parents dealing with it? We've all pretty much fallen into that, like we can't protest too much because then she won't have anywhere to go. Um, So it's kind of it's kind of like that they're obviously not crazy about him. But and have you guys ever talked about having like an intervention with her at some point? We have talked to

her before and it just doesn't do any good. It pushes her away, interrupt them. Sorry, we're still sounding like is a horrible man, Like you know, like have no offense Chelsea, But like, have you guys had an intervention? It's like what are you having an intervention on? Like she's still in love? I mean we can't say she's not.

She's not being held hostage, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, the situation was a twelve year old, twelve year gap, but it's like he's still been together for four years and it's like, I don't know, maybe there's a time where you guys have to like, hey, can you bring him over? Let's have a dinner. Let's let's all get

to know him. Yeah. I think that's more of an effort that you need to do for your sister because she's in love and she fox up and in ten years for now she's like, god, damn it, he was an idiot, and just be like, you don't have to say I told you, but welcome. I knew we were here for you. But right now, she's in love, right, right, right right, didn't interned as a wrong word. She's not being abused or anything like that that you're aware of

or I knew what you meant. Yeah, so that you're right honey this time, and you should I get an intervention last week. So yeah, it's called agua kalian. That's our safe work. I think you just have to overdose her with love. Just be there for her and make an effort with him, even if it makes you sick. You just have to be the bigger person, right, you're a big sister, and this is an opportunity to act like a big sister. Just be there for her in

spades over and over again. Make sure that you're always communicating with her so that she as you're there and the same for you. If you can talk to your parents to do the same thing, because when people feel that, they retreat. If you feel like, oh, my friends don't like my boyfriend, then I'm not going to bring my boyfriend around my friends. You know. You know what I think would be cool? Elizabeth? It's Elizabeth, right, Yes, I think my name is Chelsea. Okay, I didn't know who

you were talking to. I think it would be kind of cool if you go, what's your sister's name, Alice? You should call Alice and go, hey, you know, would be fun. You me and your boyfriend go get something to drink. Let's just hang out or eat or go do something. Let's just let's just hang out, just to initiate that. It's not like I want to get to know him or is he better or whatever, just like, hey, is it cool to be hanging out one night? Watch

how she acts, Watch how he acts. It's probably gonna be a completely different situation and you're probably gonna end up liking the guy. Well, maybe maybe it is worth a shot. It's worth because what you're doing isn't working, right, Like for you guys, having all this kind of negative energy towards him isn't working. He feels it. She feels it,

and that's why they're probably two hours away. So if you can just reverse all of that negativity into positivity, even if you're there and you're at dinner with him and he's not saying anything, it's just like, instead of having those negative feelings, have positive ones like, oh, how can I engage? What can I what kind of question can I ask him to make him start talking about something?

What's happening and transpired so far hasn't worked, So you have to completely try a different approach, and I guarantee you you'll get different results. With every different approach, there are different results. And mind you, the more you don't like him, the more she's gonna like him. Yeah, that's also a problem. I had that experience with one of my friends once and we all told her and then

they got married. So that doesn't really work either, especially when there's really no legitimate reason not to like him. It's just his personality seems lame. Yeah, so does that help you at all? Elizabeth? It does, And you're right, I need to focus more on being positive about this suation and yeah, just think about yeah, yeah, I really do try and think about that. How you can kind of flip the switch on that. There's a lot of

meditations to that help you do that. To get all the kind of negative stuff out and replace it with positive stuff. It's important to do that. Like I, I have that issue a lot with respect to certain things, and I just try to always be like, Okay, anytime there's a negative thought, I try to replace it with a positive one. You know, another thing, too, Chelsea, is when you spend a lot of negative energy on something that doesn't have to do with you, you start neglecting

yourself and that sucks. She'll just love you so much more if you are just really reaching out instead of withdrawing for him him, you know, especially if you make an effort with him that's indisputable. When she sees that, now blood is thicker than water, it's like my sister. Now she's going to take your side because if he denies the lunch and she's like, well, you know what, then she's fucking right. You are a piece of ship because she asked you out. Yeah, I get it. Thank you.

Well that would be do you have venmo because we're gonna actually charge. We don't charge on this podcast. Okay, that's a private thing that you do on your podcast, Elizabeth, if you could just send me your venom, I'm going to charge you just for my pution. I'll drop in the chat. Okay, thank you, thank you, Elizabeth. But check in with us, Okay, check in with us later and let us know what happens. Okay, thank Okay. If they

ever break up, we'll have a big party. All right, Okay, bye, Okay, we're going to take another break so Joe and I can make love. Joe, you look like you need a little advice. Yeah, do you have anything that you need to ask me? Yeah? How about if I just ask you. I deal with a family that holds grudges, and I feel like every time I say it on stage, I'm not the only person. I'm not alone. I feel like

it's very common within my community, my people. Yeah, you mean in our culture, it is a thing that grudges are a big thing. How do we deal with that without destroying the family? I told you I'm going to talk to your mother. No, but I mean even in general, like I'm pretty sure not just Filipinos, but everybody has that conflict within the family where there's a grudge but

no one's able to talk about it. But there's this grudge. Yeah, you know me, I like language, so I am always for communicating and overly communicating until you know, you wear somebody down with language. I know what you're talking about personally, and I know that that it's not obviously Filipino thing. It's a world thing. People hold grudges against each other, but it can be stronger in different cultures. But you know, you can't go to a dry well for water, right,

Like what's the point. But there's a different avenue always to get what you want, you know, being in a relationship with me, Like, there's different ways to go about those things. So whatever you've done thus far, it doesn't work. And it's time to think of a new avenue. And now you've got to be willing to talk to somebody that wants to talk though, and that's what sucks. Yeah,

that's how do we conquer that? Because with you, the relationship with you is great because you love to talk and when you see something wrong, you want to you want to finish that right away, right, and I love that about you. We'll talk about it right now. We're not waiting right right, but I would encourage that to you to do that with your family members to like not on the phone, show up like in person, being like, listen, this is it. Let's have this conversation right now. Let's

sit down and talk. Don't walk away from me. This is it. This is our moment to get this out in the open. I'm serious about it. And I think sometimes when people try and do that over phone calls or text or emails, obviously that doesn't work, you know what I mean. But face to face has a different impact.

And like, it is important to sit down and look someone in the eye and say what you're feeling, because people have to see your emotions and they have to see how much it hurts you that a grudge is being held, and how baseless that is and how short life is and how small that behavior is. So I would just say talk. I would say, just push it. You know, the next time you're in a position to confront that person, go and go out of your way, set aside the time and go and have that conversation,

because you'd be surprised. You know, people just give up, and that's half the problem. I think people hate swallowing their own pride to what they do. People hate to be wrong. But if you know that then you already have an advantage over the person that hates to be wrong. Right, you know that, so you can act in a bigger way. Great problem solved. Okay, So thank you for joining us on our season two premiere episode, Joe Coy. It was a pleasure having you as usual. And what else do

we want to say? Joe? Oh? You know what I want to say to girls out there who have guys in their lives that they think are their friends, or that they don't necessarily feel like there's an attraction or they feel like a brother dynamic, I would really encourage you to just really consider how important it is to have somebody who loves and respects you like that is, barn on, the most important thing that you can get from another human being, never mind somebody that you're in

love with. So that is the foundation of everything, right, is love and respect. You want to be seen and you want to be heard, and if you have somebody in your life that is like that, and you think, oh no, please be a little bit more open minded, because I'm the happiest I've ever been and it's because I finally had an open mind instead of a closed one. So I think we can end on that I love you. How's that I want to end on that, thanks for coming, Joe.

Joe and I are going to go to the airport right now, and then we're going to spend six hours looking at each other from across the aisle on the plane, probably while he takes pictures of me, because that's what our last flight was like. Right and then and then she looks like she's building a nest. That's what her look. Immediately. I put it in reclined before we even take off. I have my pillow ready as put my socks on. Snacks. Yeah, TV, that doesn't work. Even though it does work, I can't

work it anyway. That's enough. Thank you, have a great week. We'll see you next week. And if you want to see more of Joe, you can come over to my house or you can find him hosting Metal Shop Masters, which is on Netflix and it was released September ten. And please buy his book, his autobiography, it's called Mixed Plate Chronicles of an All American Combo. And also you can buy tickets for his Just Kidding World tour. If you've never seen Joe Coy perform live, you need to

go because it's not only a stand up show. It's a fucking concert. It is so fun and he sings and he dances and it's like, oh my god, the vibes are so fun. Oh and everybody, I am performing this weekend. I am picking back up my Vaccinated and Horny tour. If you don't have tickets, please get them Chelsea Handler dot com and going to Norfolk, Virginia, Hanover, Maryland, and Northfield, Ohio, two of those places I've never been. So that's October ninth. I will be coming to Virginia, Maryland, Ohio,

So please get your tickets. I can't wait to see everybody. Okay, guys, thanks