Scheduling Sex with Atsuko Okatsuka

Hi, Hi, How are you, hi, Chelsea?

You've got some interesting looking fish behind you.

I'm in Greece. I'm in Paro's, Greece with my family. It's my sister's sixtieth birthday. So there are twelve women, eleven women here from our family, my sisters, my nieces, my cousins, my aunt and my Oh my god, am I going to say, great niece.

I'm not going to say that.

We can fudge the numbers there.

It's fine, Please please fudge them.

That's wonderful. How long How long are you guys there? How long are you going to be there?

We're on a Roman holiday.

We've been here for two days, three days, and we're here for a full week and it's beautiful and it's Grecian and we are eating the best food in the world, and our family is together and without so like, there is really nothing better than being with all the women in your life.

Without men. I mean, there were no men that even come to the house to like work at the house.

It's all women.

My aunt goes, do you only request female chefs? I'm like, no, but that's a great idea.

Oh my gosh.

I was listening to some interview with a pop star who shall not be named, and she was like, you know, usually I'm the only woman in the room. And I was like, you're big enough that that's your choice. So I'm glad that you're choosing to be with all women. Just makes things a little more peaceful.

Totally, meg and more reasonable.

Like last night, all the girls, the young girls made dinner together and they made fish tacos and it was Jordan and Charlie and Ella and they were all just like, it was so cute to see these little butterflies roaming around, like going from the outdoor kitchen to the indoor kitchen and we're just sitting there like, you know, I'm drinking obviously because that's what I do, and I was just

It's just so sweet. We have so many girls in our family, so it's so nice.

Yeah, and it's great that like everybody seems like they vibe really well.

And if there is any sort of you know, interpersonal.

It's me, by the way, I'm always the problem. So I'm always the biggest problem.

Excellent, Well, I'm glad. We you know, we're all self aware. We can take a responsibility for our stuff.

Awesome.

Well, Chelsea, you have some new dates coming up?

Yes, I'm adding some dates. Well, I'm doing Vegas on July fifth, so.

Come to that.

And I added a couple of stand up dates to round out the year. I'm doing Westhampton Beach August twenty first, I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in NAPA on October third, So that's how I'm rounding out the year. I feel slightly guilty about being in Europe during everything that's happening in America, but I also feel like I'm gathering my strength.

Yes, you have to like sharpen the acts before you can go back to work.

And also like you are someone.

Because you have such a large following. It's like you can also still be doing the work from other places and you are.

So I think that's great.

Thanks Koth.

Yeah, we have a lovely returning guest who we love today.

Oh yeh, so we love her and she has a new special called Father out on Hulu which you all must go watch. And you know how much we love female comedians on this podcast, So please welcome Otsco oh Kotskott.

Chelsea, my daughter is that you?

Uh, you're my ba, You're my baby and I'm your mother.

That's all right.

I'm not your daughter.

You're my baby and my baby got a new bowl cut because it looks very, very fresh.

Did you just cut it right now?

Yeah, she's been trimming it. She's talking about your work current, she's so you're here here, I'll put this.

Is kurn and if you're not watching on YouTube, just so you know, Osco's finishing up a haircut right now.

I don't know if her cut actually I thought maybe her cut. Her hair actually just starts cutting itself when it gets too long.

Well, let's not talk about that, Chelsea.

I have you out of a jump.

Oh okay, copy that. So there is somebody tending to it. Okay like a gardener. Okay, got it.

I'm a yes ahead, guys, thank you, I am yeah, no, can you believe? Yeah? This is today for I said, I'm gonna see Chelsea, let's get that pristine cut going. And Hi, Catherine, Hi, how are you?

Otsco? Okotska's here? Everybody?

If that took me a long time to say that name properly, and now it just rolls right off the tongue. Otsko Okotska. You're gonna tell me I'm saying it wrong, are you?

No, not at all? And it was and it was Shell say yeah, Shelley, Actually, we love, we love. We love a woman that's always updating herself.

You know, absolutely, I mean, yeah, there's so many seasons to being a woman.

It's just it's always a surprise your own body.

Now that I'm fifty, I'm like, oh god, so many different things. Like I remember when I when I was younger, my boobs were so big, right, they were so big. And now as I've gotten more in shape and like leaner and older, they've gotten to the exact size that I like, they're not too much, like I can contain them, and like all of the different changes that you go

How old are you?

I'm thirty six.

Thirty six, okay, so I'm fourteen years older than you, And I want you to know, well, you're Asian, so your aging experience is already going to be superior to Caucasians. Asian aging aging experience, aging is not to be used with Asians.

Hey, happy aging months, which is me? Happy ag Yeah, which is me? Yeah? Anyway, you know yeah, wait right, I'm wondering. Have we started recording?

Yeah, we're recording. Yeah, what is wrying?

He's rolling for you?

Incredible? No, I was like, we're catching up so good already.

No, No, we're all we're going to use all of this. Don't worry.

We want our audience to know the ins and outs of all of our relationships. No.

I appreciate that what you just said about that aging. I don't relate to the big boobs, to the finally good boobs or like perfect size boobs. For me, it's always been the same.

Double A since you were born pretty much.

Yeah, yeah, which is nice. I like consistency, so.

Yeah, and a double A.

That's almost like you don't even have to wear a bra, right or do you do you wear bra?

I was being humble. I just realized I'm actually a b thank you.

Oh excuse me? Oh I didn't realize that. So you've graduated now, you're a bee.

Okay, and my grandma d's double d's who knew. Yeah.

See, some people get bigger boobs as they get older. Did she always have bigger boobs?

We never. I don't think she ever was measured until more recently when we were buying bras for her and she didn't seem faced because it's not like she really has girlfriends that she talks about bra sizes with. So I said, Grandma, what was the measurement? She goes thirty six double D like a softlex. My jaw dropped and she said, what, that's not normal? I said, I mean, it's not what I have. I thought we were related.

Otsco has a new special out on Hulu. It's called Father. By the time this comes out, your special will be airing. This is your sophomore special on Hulu and Disney It's called Father. Now, without giving away any of the jokes in the special, why did you call it Father?

Well, so I do talk a little bit about reconnecting with my dad in it, but also, like my fans call me mother. You know, we were talking about well, I call you mother, but my friends call me mother, and you know, but mothers have it together, right, so I'm more.

Father, right, you know, I'm also kind of more of a father than a mother.

You know.

A stepfather is where I come into my own you know.

Yeah, where we're like both thriving in life, but sometimes clueless about everyday basics, like we're like the sun and the moon are different. Or that was you but you know, thank you just and or that I didn't know I hadn't been doing the laundry for the past seven years, like that kind of thing.

Who but Ran is Ryan doing the laundry.

Ryan is Otsco's husband, Yes, who I refer to as her captor because he takes care of all things Otsco. And if Otsco didn't have Ryan in her life, Otsco, she probably wouldn't even be alive.

I would live outside and and you know and maybe thrive, you know, because of my personality. But Ryan is mother. Yeah, he's the one that's been doing the laundry this whole time. We were both surprised though. It was like this devastating moment where we both realized, wait, that means you, that means it's been you this whole time.

And that was a surprise to you.

Yeah, and it alway was it a surprise to Ryan, who was doing the laundry.

Yes, because sometimes you just go, oh, here's fresh new laundry, and you forget that, you know what I mean. We sometimes you just don't know you're the one that's been doing it. And the times he's not doing it, he thought I'd been doing mine, but I just wasn't washing my clothes, right.

I believe No, No, it doesn't make sense at all, but I believe you. I believe you when I when I come to Whistler, I don't have a housekeeper here. It couldn't be farther afield than my life in La or my life anywhere else for that matter. But I have a cleaning lady that comes like once a week and that's it. And my place here is small enough

Oh my god, me too. Why are we twins? Yeah, I don't know.

And we don't look like Choin's but we have a lot in common.

Yes, yeah, we're literally fra turtle.

We're fraternal. We're fraternal from different continents.

In the seventh grade, I did have blonde hair, so I did wonder yeaheah.

Well that was you looking for your real mother. So you were in the New York Times talking about the joke that changed your life. It says that there's a joke that Tig Nataro told that What was that joke from Tig It's.

Called no moleste if we name jokes, right, And yeah, it's just about how when she was performing in Mexico. Right, every time she's in a hotel, she puts that do not disturb sign up but in Spanish it's no moleeste and you just laugh if you're like an English speaker, because you know that's scary to have to put that up every night.

And so, by the way, we should have signs that's say that at our hotel rooms in America anyway, we should have signs that say no molested.

You know what, Actually, that's very true. That joke didn't age well, because these days you do need that.

Literally, I remember that joke from Tig. Tig has a great joke writing ability. You do that too, because you have great jokes, but you're also telling personal stories.

So you combine the two because you know.

There's comics that just tell jokes, set up, premise, set up, and like a punchline. Whereas many comedians are storytellers, I'm a storyteller. I tell stories, and there are jokes within the stories and punchlines within the stories. But you blend both of those things together. I think very nicely.

Thank you. I mean, we all didn't live forty years each year like you did. You know what I mean? Where every time I hear your stories, I'm like, okay, but she's only eight years old and she already did what she's she's spiking people's lemonades. You know what I mean, like you know at a young age.

Yeahah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, I need to blend, you know, sometimes jokes about them because I'm like, you know, big old things didn't happen every month.

Right, absolutely, I understand. Ots go.

So, how has it been going with you and Ryan on the road? What where have you guys been lately? I mean, I can't I didn't see I haven't seen you in almost like, I don't know, has it been a year.

I don't think it's been a year. I haven't seen you since. We had a dinner party at my friend's house while she was upstairs in her bedroom.

I know, right, we just took over her place and her dinner time. I feel like we were just eating your friend's tacos. It was meant for her kids, and we were eating them.

I said, I was staying at my friend Allison's house, and I was like, Alison, can I have some people over for dinner tonight?

No, I wasn't even staying there.

I just said that was a good meeting point because you guys are so far east and my house wasn't really fully done, and I was dating someone at the time. Oh yeah, I had my mountain man there and I was like, oh, let's all have dinner. And I was like, this is a good middle spot. So I just called my friend and she said, I said, can I have some people over for dinner? And she's like, well, I'm getting my eyelashes done and I'm like, no, no, you're not invited, Like can I have people over for dinner?

And we're doing our own thing and she's like, oh, oh oh yeah absolutely. So that was the last time I think we saw each other, right.

Yes, yeah, It's like a very classic hangout with Chelsea handler moment. Yeah, we're at one point we were hanging out, drinking tequilas, eating tacos. I went inside and saw kids. I screamed because for a second I was like, wait, right, this isn't Chelsea's house. I was like, who are they? Who are they? They're exactly their house.

Imagine how I felt when I saw the kids and I was like, whoaa, I just asked to have a dinner party here. I didn't sign up for this sort of chicanery.

That's right. I didn't know we were all eating the same meal. Oh this is your meal.

Where are you on the subject of having children? Are you ever going to procreate?

Do you think?

No?

Remember that's our sisterhood promise.

Okay, I just wanted to make sure nothing has changed.

Yeah. No, that biological clock they talk about that doesn't exist within me. I don't even own a real clock, right, So no, I don't you know that's such a big thing that's supposedly quickly changes within you. No, it's not like my favorite color changing.

Right, I understand that. So how has it been traveling with Ryan? What have you guys learned?

Like your relationship? You spend so much time with your husband. I mean, I don't know anyone who spends more time with their with their husband. Do you guys ever fight?

We do? Yes, we do, But what do you fight about? Mostly it's you know, oh, let's go. You have to put the keys in the right place every time, the same place. It's very simple, you know, it's a lot of that. I do ask a lot of him because he works with me and you know, for me, and so yeah, sometimes it's that. And I've been I've been keeping up. I've been trying to be more organized because

And you brought your Did you bring your grandmother or your mother on one of those trips you, I mean, on a.

Couple of those trips, right.

I wanted to, but honestly they're too old now. So uh yeah, So it's just me and Ryan, you know, going to see parents together. Took him to a cabaret that was fun, you know, and so yeah, I love seeing different cultures. We love traveling together. And just based on how people laugh, I feel like you can really learn a lot about a culture, you know.

Uh huh, Like why what culture surprised you?

Like?

Which cultures were the most surprising to you?

Okay, the Scandinavians really surprised me in a pleasant way. I didn't know anything about them. I had seen the movie Frozen. It's an animated movie. I said, is it kind of like that?

You know?

And because I was so worried, I said, all my life right in America, I've had to teach people how to pronounce my name Otsko that you is there. But it's silent, right, So I said, how am I gonna, you know, connect to Norway? How am I going to explain that to people in Iceland? Are they going to understand me? Are they going to get my jokes? And then I go there and they're like, bitch, my name is thiro biro Jon's daughter. Okay, I have a one girl,

Think we're doing like sixteen shows, thirteen countries. Yes, So I fucking love this schedule. I mean I would like a little bit more downtime in between, but fuck it. I mean I go, you know what it's like, you go at this pace and then you acclimate to this pace and then you just survive it, like it's like you're surviving your own.

Tour, right, totally. Yeah, we extended it. We did it over a month. We have the same tour people. I knew you were going to Europe. I was so excited. I was like ah, I want to tell her all about it. And you know the I ranked the countries based on shyest to liveliest that I've performed.

In Okay, which and ones are the shyest.

Shyest number twenty eight. Sitting at number twenty eight is the Belgians.

Oh really.

My opener did a backflip to silence during his set and then he had to that's the Belgians. He had to then walk back to the mic, also in silence because he was far away from it by then. Isn't that wild?

That's good to know, though, That's good to know.

Yeah.

I'm going to Brussels, so I'll be there.

Yeah.

What about the Swiss?

The Swiss? The Swiss, Oh, they were pretty lively, Actually they were pretty They were more lively. The Swedish too, and Parisians. I was told they're going to be very quiet, but they were one of the liveliest crowds I had. They were very locals too. They're getting weirder and they're getting into English speaking stand up. It's really beautiful.

Yeah, I know, because half the places I'm going, I'm like, are we sure they speak English? My friend and who lives in Sweden, he's like, listen, no one speaks English and Sweden.

I'm like, what are you fucking talking about.

I've been there people, everyone speaks English and sweet He's like, nobody speaks English. So I don't know if he's fucking with me. I assume he's fucking with me because I just stopped responding. I don't like those kinds of antagonistic texts.

I agree. He just he just wants to see if you'll get on stage and speak slower because you've been lied to.

I know, I know.

It's so hard for me to speak slowly. You know, I just don't have that clip. Even when I was recording my book, they're like, can you slow it down? I'm like, that's not authentic. I'm like, me slowing down my talking doesn't sound like how I tell a story. I have to tell a story like this. So yeah, and so either they're going to catch on or they're not. The great thing is I'll just be in one place for each day and then I'm out, so you know, we'll see.

Oh gosh, it was it was my favorite. Yeah, one day is enough. I feel like my opener also was newly single, so it's fun to see him going out every night to hook up with different men, you know.

Oh, oh yeah, of course I love that.

Well, I'm bringing Yaminika to a few of my dates. You know, Yaminika, and she is me for Dick, So we are hoping to just get her plucked left, right and center throughout Europe. Europe is not going to know what hit them once they meet Yaminika.

Oh my god, the two of you together arrested Ja.

We have a real hard time together keeping our shit together. It's one bad decision after another.

Yeah you are You're that White Castle movie, Harold and Kumar Kumar. Yeah, the two of you trying to find weed in Sweden exactly.

Yes, because I can't travel with drugs anymore because I've talked so openly about my love for them, so I can no longer transport them. So that leaves me with having to find drugs when I get there. But luckily, my reputation procedes itself, and people are very hip to bringing as you've seen yourself, people are very hip to bringing me drugs, and I encourage that.

That's where that's the only that's where our brands differ a little bit. Where people do throw like mushrooms at you from the crowd on the stage right. And then for me, people show up to my shows in wigs of my bull cut, so it's a little different. I'm more I'm more like Mini Mouse, you know what I mean? Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, and you're like, you're like Papa Smurf.

I'm more like Papa Smurf and you're more like Mini Mouse.

I knew it. Papas Murph was definitely a drug dealer.

Yeah, Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Otsco.

Okotska, We're back with Otsco.

Okay, we're gonna take some callers. Catherine, what do we what do we got in?

Yeah?

So this first one is a written one.

This is Anne Marie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a listener in the UK. I listen every week and love the show. This is an off pieced topic, but one that I'd love for you to answer. I'm a writer, mainly TV comedy shows and more recently I turned my attention to drama. I'm the same age as you, Chelsea, and I want to write a show to perform myself. It'll be kind of stand up. But despite my my ability around creating a story. I don't really know where to start with stand up. Do I just go to

Well, that's easy ots go. Don't you think you got to get up on stage? First of all, you have to just get up on stage, and you don't have to have a huge plan. You have to have like five minutes of an idea, like you if you have like three or four premises. I mean, some people beat out every single joke that they're going to tell, and your storytelling will evolve once you start getting comfortable being

Have a couple of.

Jokes, but they don't have to be like, you don't have to have fifteen jokes set up. You can take your time, like connecting with the audience, doing crowd work, asking questions, because that could spur something in you, and that could spur a joke. You know, It's very easy to talk to people and then get a new idea about how to come back with something.

But the most important thing is to get on stage.

Just get on stage and start getting your stage time prepare. Like, look at this, I just got a text. My phone just lit up, Yaminika Saunders. I swear, I swear I watched this. This is off topic, but I want to

So yeah, I swear that's the real science.

Yeah, don't you think as go don't you think you just have to get on stage, Like what was your first time on stage?

Like, yeah, for sure, getting on stage, but also watching a lot of it is nice, so like, you know, go go catch Chelsea when she's in London. You know, like watching other people and then just the way they storytell is very inspiring, you know, especially if you feel like stuck right because then you know, just to see someone else and how they structured together a bunch of their stories or what they found interesting about their stories

I feel like, but you should map out what you're gonna say, you know, you should map out and have an idea if you're one of those people who needs like and you can take it on stage with you. You can take a piece of paper up there, don't be

Well, our next question comes from Alex. She is calling in.

She's thirty three, so the subject line is tips to avoid identity crisis after quitting your dream job. Hey, Chelsea, I took a gummy before writing this, so bear with me. I was an annoying overachiever my whole life. Double major in college, graduated cum laudie while working the whole time, straight to law school, graduated with honors, passed the bar exam first time, and got hired at what I thought was my dream job at twenty five.

Blah blah blah, gross.

I have wanted to be a public defender since the moment I found out the job existed, and I started interning at my local public defender's office when I was nineteen. Everything I know and love came from this office. I met my husband here, many of my closest friends. I got my insane rescue dog from one of our unhoused clients, etc.

Etc.

However, these last two years and full time mental health rotation, I'll spare you the details unless you're truly thirsty. Reached critical mass, extreme burnout. I was a pin prick away from sobbing or screaming in your face at any time I was so emotionally exhausted. After lots of overthinking, doubting, self hatred over the last several months, I finally made the brave, correct decision and quit. I'm thirty three and unemployed.

Alex Oh, Alex, you're fucking crushing it. First of all, what are you talking about. You may have all these great decisions for your own mental health. You got out of a job that you thought was your dream job that proved to be mentally debilitating to you and mentally harmful to your health.

Like that is amazing.

Now you have a whole and you're thirty three, you have your whole life ahead of you to do phase two. Like you're an example to so many people that are in jobs that they hate to actually walk away.

I think you're already on the right track.

Everything you said is great, Like, of course there's gonna be some anxiety about what you're gonna do next, but you should also trust in the fact that you just got yourself out of a situation that was harmful to you. So you are the best person to take care of yourself, which means you're gonna get to the place that you're going and you're going to figure out what that next step is in a natural amount of time. You're giving yourself a month to do this, a month to do that.

You could probably give Osco summed, do you need advice?

Help me out?

Yeah?

I'm like, I have to keep this bowl cup forever. Speaking of an identity crisis, I'm like, can I ever grow my hair out ever? Again? What happens if I lose my hairstylist friend? You know, to other clients, what am I going to do?

No?

But for real you it's it's kind of like a divorce. Whenever someone's reached a point of having to do that, it's because it needed to be done. Yeah, and so this realization is badass. I would just say, like, I would just say, clock the moments of joy that you feel when you're trying different things and different and then you go okay, So that's a that's what I like. It's good to start to realize what you do like now you know. And so that's all because you knew

It's it's also knowing how much rest is like too much rest. I've never rested in my life. My parents are immigrants. Let's go a huge fan. I know you can relate to this. Productivity is beaten into your head with a bat. So the idea of not doing any thing because I have to and there's an expectation on the other side. But just resting is a very foreign concept.

Have you guys taken time like this before in your lives?

Yes?

I have.

I have all the time.

I look at that rest as like filling up my bank, do you know what I mean? Like my emotional well being, Like I have burnt out so many times in my life, and now I understand the balance, Like I understand that the rest is as important as the work. The play and the vacation is as important as the work. And so just because you're not doing anything for a month, like yeah, if you're not doing anything for six months,

You're doing is just spot on.

Thanks Alex, Can I ask what are some of the things that you're doing in this period of active rest, Like are you going outside?

Are you meditate? Like what sort of in your day to day?

So it's actually really funny. So I walk the dog more than he's everyone walked in his entire life. I am reading all of the nerdy, romanticy books that I've never had time to read before and making no apologies for it. Like my husband comes home, and I've been on the CA for eight and a half hours, and I'm very I'm journaling and taking a lot of gummies because it helps me med it like it helps you be creative, and.

I'm with you.

So I'm journaling a lot.

And there's a huge scary part of me that realizes that maybe I don't even want to be a lawyer, which is a bummer because I spent so much time and energy and money towards this education and I feel like I gained the skill set of not having any fear of public speaking, not being afraid of grumpy old white men yelling at me because they did that every day in a robe like that doesn't scare me in any field.

And I really like to write.

So there's a huge part of me that wants to take a risk, even in that direction and something that's not adjacent to my education at all.

Well, and as a person who like everyone in my family is a lawyer except for me, I can say, like, there are a lot of ways to use your law degree that like do not involve going to court, that don't involve sort of like a traditional sort of like legal profession as we think about it, but also like, yeah, you have the freedom now to like reconsider. Maybe you use it again in fifteen years when you want to do something different.

You know what I mean.

It's you know, it doesn't mean that that's a wasted experience. And like you said, you've gained all these other tools in your toolbox.

My sister was an attorney, hated it, hated working for a law firm, quit that and got a job for this health company where she was writing.

She was as a lawyer writing all.

Of like the healthcare laws, like helping to create the healthcare laws around it. So she kind of switched because she was like I hate this, I hate defending people, I hate like this kind of litigation aspect. She's like, I'm going to take this healthcare degree and turn it into something else where she can use her other skill sets, which is writing and editing and all of that stuff. So she's kind of made a different career out of being a healthcare attorney. And you can do the same thing.

Yeah, you're so mucky. Maybe that's your next marriage.

Maybe that's yeah, the landmark of the overconfident only daughter.

Yeah yeah, right, dear Alex, there's no reason.

Yeah, leave it to Chelsea to try to put you back to work. She just said she needed rest. Chelsea. Okay, she's like, oh, you start a podcast, come up with merch. I love it.

Thank you guys so much.

Thank I take care, Alex, thank you, I'll take care. Well that was fucking easy. Yeah.

I know that girl was already doing everything that she needed to be told.

I do.

She's doing great.

And you know, we don't think of like taking these periods of rest as like rest is part of the work, like you said, Chelsea, Like, we don't think of it that way, but I think it's important to think of it that way.

Yeah, yeah, no, I do. I'm a big proponent of that. I mean, how do you feel about that? Ots go, do you guys get do you guys get rest? Do you actually rest?

You said you found the balance of work and play. I'm still finding that. But I think it's because if you're really into work and you're as fraid to like rest too long. You can totally schedule it in. You can put it in a calendar, you know what I mean, so that you know, oh, this week is for play and then next week is for work. So if you feel anxiety about playing too hard, then you can do that, you know, just like I think you can schedule in six I'm a big, you.

Know, scheduler of sex. I actually scheduled the sex between you and Ryan. I don't know if you knew that, but I actually am the one that puts that on your calendar.

It's in Chelsea for seven years.

Yeah, no wonder. I was like, wow, it's very frequent this month for some reason.

Yes, yeah, I decided to step things up this month. Specifically, I said, we need to work.

Who's making us do it from eight am to eight pm? Yours?

Surely?

Thank you well.

Our next color is Sarah. She's as dear Chelsea. I've been in my husband's family for almost fifteen years and recently had a falling out with my sister in law, my husband's brother's wife. She's been icing me out ever since I found out. She had the whole family over for our niece's birthday and my husband and I I were not invited. In her words, it wasn't a quote party but a quote drop by with cake and gifts.

Help.

Sarah, Hi Sarah Oh, Hi Hi otsco Okotska's our special guest today.

Hello, Hi, Hi, So what was the falling out? What happened?

So the actual falling out was like, it was her daughter's birthday, and we had been texting like that morning. I had given her a gift earlier on in the week, like to give to her daughter, because I knew I wasn't going to see her on her birthday, because she was like, you know, well we're going out of town and all this stuff. So then the morning of her birthday, she actually sent me like, I sent her a video from my daughter who's her cousin, saying, you know, happy birthday,

Wait a second, I'm sorry, hold on back up. You gave her a gift because you weren't going to be able to see her on her birthday exactly, and then she had a birthday party on her birthday.

Yes, But when I said that, my feelings were hurt because we lived three minutes away, literally right up the road.

But how did you know you weren't going to see her on your birthday, her birthday.

Because she said that they were going out of town, like she her and you know, her daughter and her husband were going out of town, and she was like, well, we're just going on our trip, you know, for our daughter's birthday. So you know, thanks for giving me the gift, now, you know. And so I felt like it was kind of omitted. But so then when I expressed that, I was like her, you know, by not being invited because

All that was the falling out. That there was no prior falling out. Oh yes, that's confusing.

Isn't a falling out? Like what is it? No?

I I would the way I listened to your letter, I thought I heard that you guys had a falling out, and then this was like the aftermath of the falling out.

So this is the actual incident.

What does your husband does any one in the family, has anyone conveyed to you what the issue is or why she didn't invite.

You or no, I was never really given a conversation because she just didn't talk to me after that. So it was in a message with her and her husband, and he did say right away, he was like, oh, sorry, we didn't mean to exclude you, but she was like radio silent. So I was like, was it something else that happened.

Yeah, it sounds like something else happened that you're not aware of. So I would reach out to her again, first of all, your family members, so like, it's not really helpful to not be speaking, especially when you don't know what happened. So maybe you did something that you don't realize that hurt her feelings.

And I would start with that.

I would send her a text or an email or whatever's like the best way to contact her and just say I'm sorry, so sorry. I don't know did I do something to hurt you, because it feels like I did, and I want to make sure that I'm fully accountable, like totally, just be the bigger person and ask her why she's upset with you, Like you're not responding to my text.

We've been friends for eight years. This is very strange.

Please feel free to tell me if I've done something to hurt your feelings.

Yeah, hands down, like good old fashioned communication.

Right, absolutely, You're part of the same family, so as long as there's not some huge rift like this should be fixable, right.

I totally agree, Oh fantastic, you're the best.

Well, I mean it's pretty obvious advice, no offense.

Freaking obvious. But you know what it's been creating, like just so much awkwardness, you know.

Yeah, yeah, right.

It tends like we have a lot of family events, you know, together we all close, and then like, you know, I'll go to these events and like recently she started kind of being like hey, you know, like maybe that's her way of trying to get a little closer. But then she still will not text. And this is like going from us texting multiple times a week. You know, our kids are going to the same daycare, like going

I wonder if this is a like to pull her aside at one of the family events sort of thing and like get her face to face, because I feel like sometimes when people are being weird like this, if you actually just like address it to their face, they'll like totally back down like oh no, no, there's like nothing weird, and then it's like, well, they do sort of have to stick to their guns a little bit more, Whereas via text, like she might give you like a

Right, like humanize myself a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, I would say that's right.

I would say to do it in person so that she can't just not respond, because then it's just more of the same. It's so weird to not respond, but something must have happened that you're not aware of.

Yeah, you're right, you know. And I'm like I've been overthinking it going through it, like I'm like, what could this possibly be? You know. I thought of addressing it with my mother in law myself, because she's one of the people that she's been talking to, you know, like about my mother in law is super cool, like she I know that you'd be open to a conversation, but I don't want to open it up to that, you know, Like I thought I was being the better person initially

Yeah, I would say, like, yeah, tug to her in person. If she's still it's sort of like then she has to either commit to like no, everything's fine, or like if she keeps acting weird after that, then you got to address it again and be like, all right, what's the deeper thing here?

Is there anything? And then if she.

Keeps being weird, just I guess just let her be kind of weird, you know, like you don't necessarily have to be talking to her the entire time of family events sort of thing, but just know that, you know, you're still keeping your side of the street clean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because if you ask her what's up, and she hasn't and she's like there's nothing, nothing wrong. Then you're like, okay, fine, I tried whatever, Like I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what happened. You're not going to tell me the truth, and there's nothing else you could do.

Yeah, and hopefully she will change her tune, you know, I.

Hope so, I mean, because yeah, I feel like I've always been a good friend. Like I did like a speech at her wedding because her like sister didn't want to do it, stuff like that, whatever, But there hasn't been anything I can think of that was just like, oh, I really like pissed her off.

You know.

It was like just I feel maybe she I don't know, I've like been going around like you're pulling back for a while, like.

They hit it straight on, and then you know, if you don't get the answer, you like, then wait a little bit and then talk to her mother, your mother in law, and be like listen, I don't know what's going on here, but this isn't like a healthy dynamic, like we all have kids. I want to be friends. I don't understand what happened. I asked her what happened. She won't tell me, So how can I you know what I mean, but start with her and just be be direct so that she has to answer.

You totally and like, and I'm okay with not being like bestie sister in law's too. We've been friends for a long time. But I'm like, it's all right if if that's what it's going to be, you know, us just seeing each other at the family events.

It's just there was no I.

Guess that would be a weird conversation for her to have with me, to be like, hey, I don't want to be as close as we are, you know, like, but.

Yeah, maybe that is it, But that seems a little odd.

Weird way to go about it, right.

Will you check in with us after you guys have a conversation, let us know if things get better?

Absolutely right, Okay, Well, good luck, thanks Sarah.

Good luck, bye bye, Thanks bye, let's go.

You don't have a sister in law, right, de Ryan doesn't have siblings, or does he?

He does? He has too. Yeah, and so that's still a newer dynamic for me too to learn, you know. Yeah, because it's like they are relatives, but they kind of are not, you know, and so it's like how much.

Well they are your relatives cots go. First of all, they.

Are I know, they're like listening, They're like, excuse me, what are we? And I'm like, are you friends?

Now you're gonna be fighting with your sisters?

Ima.

I had a small family growing up, so I'm like, okay, I guess it's new. I'm still learning this chosen family versus regular family thing, you know, because I married Ryan and then suddenly I'm an aunt too, right, So that's a lot to figure out. It's like, whoa, maybe I'm not good at being an aunt and I'm okay, I'm not great.

Yeah, but you know what, you can always improve on your aunting skills.

It's a new role. So you know, like I don't know, being an ant is kind of the best of both worlds. You get to be an aunt and with no responsibility, you.

Know what I mean.

You get to just be like a fun infuser, which is I take Yeah, I take a lot of joy in that, and especially I take a lot of joy when things get serious. It's like get the fuck out of here, you know, Like, if you've got real problems, go talk to your parents.

No it's true. I know you love it. Yeah, I'm just I'm always trying. I'm still not completely me around them. I think when I can I see yeah, yeah, because I'm like still getting to know the sister in laws. So I'm I'm like, yes, you know, I will not curse around you, and yes, I you know I will give you money. And I'm like, god, I'm going, oh.

A great setup. I won't curse around you and I have to pay you perfect.

Oh my god. Yeah, I'm like, what am I in a church?

Maybe you should start swearing and then you can put money in a tip jar or in a zag.

Every time you swear, you get to give them a dollar.

Yeah.

Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Otsco.

And we're back with Otsko Okotska, who's got a new special out on Disney and Hulu. You can watch it on Hulu and Disney Plus. It is called Father and it is her sophomore special. Okay, what else do we got? What do we have to wrap things up today?

I have one quickie to wrap up with, Abby, says dear Chelsea. I have a close friend that has recently started sending me voice recordings of her singing.

Oh, she sings, she sings.

Beautifully, but her boyfriend doesn't really care to hear her sing. So I think I'm the only one getting these, which makes me sad. I don't ever listen to them and their entire sometimes not at all. How do I respond in a text to the constant voice recording messages? Or should I even respond?

Abby?

Wow?

Yeah wow.

This is a very specific, very specific, very specific incident and very specific.

Yeah, but it is like text etiquette, it's evolving, well etiquette.

I mean the etiquette is blown out the window by the person recording songs and sending them to.

Her fucking friend. Who does that?

Yeah, I mean, I guess somebody who has a boyfriend that won't listen to her singing, which is another problem that she has.

I would just.

Write, honestly, I would write beautiful a couple of times and then I would stop responding.

That's what I would do. But I don't know.

I mean, you want to give your friend some positive feedback because she clearly isn't getting it at home, and if she is a beautiful singer, and you're not telling a lie even if it was bad singing.

I would write, that's beautiful.

And then I would write that a couple times, I would write the same thing exactly like that's beautiful, and then the next time, that's beautiful, and then I stop responding Yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of like when a kid is showing you a rock over and over. Yeah that's and you're like, that's really good, that's so good. And then they're like, here's a song that's really cute too, that's so good. And then and then you know, if you exactly like you know, it's a positive reinforcement thing. Once they stop hearing it, they go, Okay, I've had my feel of feeling good.

Yes, yes, I mean I get emails.

I have a friend who is like, just keep sending me emails and she wants like our relationship ended a long time ago, and she's trying to rekindle our relationship and I'm not interested, but I'm not. I don't want to be mean. I'm just seriously like, I'm not interested in rekindling. Like it's I don't have the bandwidth where let's move on. So I wrote back the first time, like this is very sweet. I want nothing but the

A boundary that you're not like. You know, this isn't now. This isn't the same as getting a voice memo of a song.

But either way, they're both attacks. Okay, either way, they're both attacks. And you were trapped and you didn't ask for it.

It's an assault. It's an assault.

We all deserve our own boundaries. You know, her boyfriend created one with that with her, and now you might need two with her too.

I had a friend years ago who would like, actually do this in person, she'd be like, oh, new song for my album, and she would be like, let me just play as a little snippet, and then she would play it, but she'd play the whole song and then sing it like a foot from my face to my face. And I'm like, too much of a people pleaser to just like, go away, but just be grateful.

This is a voice memo, and you can.

Tell her to post it online. That's validation she can get from somewhere.

To go beautiful post. You should post this on Instagram.

You should post this that's great and brilliant, brilliant, and hopefully the response is positive, because otherwise you're going to be dealing with a different friend after.

She gets some public public shaming critique.

I've hooked up with a couple of guys that are in the industry, and when I've hooked up with them, I've had one guy show me his pilot, an episode of a pilot that he shot from start to finish, and this was before we were supposed to have sex. Of course, I couldn't have sex with him after because I don't want to see your pilot. And then I had another guy show me a sizzle reel from a movie that he was producing, and I was like, you're killing my boner, Like I don't know why people don't

You know what I mean, I don't. I'm not the one.

You go, here's a GoPro. What's beautiful is it captures your actions while you move without someone else doing it. You know, it's these things. Guy. I had a guy read me poetry before sex too, and I told him to say I said, that was good, that was beautiful, that same thing you told her to do. And afterwards he goes, thank you. I'm either thinking of being a poet that travels around the world or be a cop.

Yeah, my body in my choice. And yeah you should.

Actually, anyone who's on the fence about becoming a poet, who's going to travel the world and their other option is a cop, you should just have them become a cop.

Yeah, we need more poetry and police work.

Yes, I agree, Yeah, but I don't know. His poems were intense.

So anyway, Well, first of all, this is the first time hearing that you took another lover before you met Ryan.

And does he know about it? Does Ryan know about it? Ryan? Do you know about this?

You're like, as a good Well, I'll put it in the calendar or shared calendar that the three of us share.

Yeah, I want to, Yeah, I like that we share a calendar, and I want to continue that. I want to continue that through twenty twenty at the very least.

Yeah, just put any thoughts notes in there that you want.

I have thoughts and notes for all all of us, all three of us.

I'll be the leader of our calendar.

Yes, please, thank you, mother.

Thank you daughter. Okay, Otsco love talking to you.

I'm sorry that this is the way we have to catch up now, I mean with our busy travel schedules.

But I'm going to send you, guys.

I'm going to send you guys some dates and see if you couldn't want to come to Mayorca this summer.

We'll see what you're doing.

I'm only going for a week this summer, but I have a little fun group of comics, so maybe you guys can come.

I'll send you dates.

Yeah, okayay, it sounds good.

Yes, Okay, love you. Congrats on your new special.

I haven't seen it yet, you guys, because they haven't sent it to me, so otherwise I would be waxing poetic about how funny it is, because I know it's fucking funny because it's Otsco and she's ridiculous, so it's called Father and you can watch it on Hulu Disney Plus.

You're incredible.

Good Bye, we have a great day. Bye bye. So I added a couple of new dates.

I'm not on tour yet, but I added a couple of dates just because I felt like we need a little bit more laughter and a little bit.

More medicine for the end of the year.

And I was wrapping things up, but I thought, maybe let me do a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates in addition to my Vegas residency. I'm doing Westhampton Beach August twenty first, I'm headlining the Rochester Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in Napa on October third, So those will be my last.

Dates of the year.

Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.

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