Related feat. Roy Handler

can't do that, come to the Mirage on July. Santa Barbara Bowl August one, and then there's a San Diego date somewhere in their humphreeze. You know where you usually get your podcast slash tickets, Live Nation dot com, Chelsea Handler dot com, ticket Master, any of those places. So I will see you all this summer. Okay, Well, welcome to our show today. I'm very excited about today's topic of conversation because our theme today is siblings, and we have one of my brothers calling in which I cannot

wait for you to hear. I'm very excited for that. Yes, I love sibling dynamics. You have siblings as well, and yes, I come from a family of six, and there's always one that's a big hot mess. Well, or it could be your parents, right, one out of all of them. And then sometimes some families have multiple hot nurses. I

heard an interesting theory the other day. My sister was telling me about there is scientific data to show that when you have two children of the same sex, the third child, your body biologically wants to produce one of the opposite sex. So that's why the third is always a tomboy. If she has two older brothers, or if it's a younger boy, why he may be more feminine than his brothers because your body theoretically is preparing for the opposite sex. And I said, are there studies on that?

And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah, like it's in the ziteguys. My family on my dad's side, all of the men had one son followed by two daughters. All of the siblings same pattern. That's strange, like sort biology is that, Yeah, it does make sense that your body would try to prepare. Like you know, a lot of people have three boys and then they go for another one, you know, and then they get the girl. Or some people have three

they're waiting for the girl, and they're pissed. I remember my friend was so pissed when she found out she was having a baby boy, and I was like, oh my god, that is so terrible. Like and then of course you have them and you love them, and you can't even imagine it being any other child, boy, girl, you know whatever. My sister she had three boys and she was so desperate for a girl, and luckily she got it on the fourth tribe. But then there was

another family right in town that woman has had. I think it's ten or eleven children, always trying for a girl, all boys so icky, ten or eleven berths out. They have to drive a passenger van. Just to put things into a very clear picture for you, what it looks like to put her stomach in there. That's where the passenger van has to go. She's probably spent more time pregnan than she has, not that a doubt. Yeah, that's so much. It's so unfair what women have to go through.

It really is. I can't wait until we can figure out away from men to have babies, you know, let them do it all, let them take that over. The closest thing I could come to talking about or relating to children is you know, obviously my own experience with parenting, which is Bernie's Tammy and Chunk and Gary wherever he may be. Gary, in case people don't know, Gary was a dog that you had for a short period of time. It was a Bernie's Mountain dog that you really wanted

and then you got and did he run away? He was my only non rescue dog. And yeah, supposedly he ran away, but that is hard to believe but also believable. I don't know what happened. What happened really, and I won't ever buy a dog again, first of all, because we just did not mash you know, rescue dogs. There's a purpose in it. It feels so purposeful. You know,

you can't just love a breed so well. You can, but I don't want to just love a breed so much and get that breed only then then then that's favoritism. And I want my ldren all to feel equally. But I have to tell you that Bert is my favorite because of his body. I try to give Bernice the attention, you know, to make up for the attention I give Bert, but she's just not as receptive. And it's just not

the same thing as an independent woman. And she knows that he's the favorite, and she has an attitude and I get it. I like boy dogs, I think better than girl dogs because of the two girl dogs I've had have been very distant and the Tammy and Bernice both had very similar personalities and that maybe because they were part chow or they are. See and I don't like a boy dog. I mean, I love any animal, but I do not like to see. Well. Bert doesn't like you, I know, and I'm the one who went

and rescued him. So I don't know how that happened that Ben Bruno and I rescued him. Origin the o G rescue was Ben Bruno and me, So technically Ben Bruno is their father, no wonder he hates Ben Bruno, Yeah, right, exactly. Bert doesn't really like men. I don't know where he gets that from. Well, and speaking of sibling dynamics, that is Burton Bernice. They are their sister. They are from the same amniotic sack everybody. They came from the same litter.

Bert and Bernice. Yes, and those were their birth names. Just so you know, I didn't even name them that that was just good fortune on my end. So when he rounded that, I'll never forget the day that Burt rounded the corner and I saw his ass before I saw his face because it was bigger and it was it was like an elephant coming towards me slowly. That was furry, and I couldn't believe it. I was like, holy fuck, this is my day. All right. Well, we have a lot to get into in regards to siblings,

so don't we take a quick break. We'll come back. I love using Bert and Bernice as a jumping off point for siblings. They are the dynamic duo. We'll be back. Well, our first emission comes from Hallie. Hi, Chelsea, my name is Hallie and I live in Boise, Idaho. I've been a fan for such a long time, and I know you have a really good relationship with your siblings, So I was wondering, how do you keep that relationship with them so strong because my relationship with my siblings is

not the greatest. Well, I would just say, listen, I know sibling dynamics can be very very challenging and difficult and complicated because there's a lot of like injury that nobody even knows about, Like people aren't even addressing it. So you're like holding grudges from a million different things

that happened in your childhood. And I would just say to exercise a good communication with them, like just keep in touch, even if you're not necessarily getting what you want back in that relationship, just keep the dialogue going because people ebb and flow and go through things where they'll need your support or you'll need theirs, And because that line of communication is already open, you'll be able to lean on each other in those times, which will

bring you closer. And you know, you can just be consistent in your communication and that usually will help cultivate a better, stronger relationship. You know, as long as you're constantly communicating. So and think of being the bigger person and being like, you know, I'm just gonna put myself out there and let them know this line of communication is open. What do you think I was gonna say

the exact same thing. Consistent communication. And the thing I found with my siblings is finding ways that they prefer to communicate. So my one sister, she likes to FaceTime. My other sister is much more of a texter. My other sister prefers a call like right when she gets

to work in the morning. So again like kind of finding the tempo and ways to communicate based on preference or where you know that you'll be able to have an in depth conversation and taking the time to really ask, you know, thoughtful questions, not just how how's your day going, you know, like how are the kids, what are they doing, what are they learning in school? Ship I don't really care about, per se, but that she does care about because you know, when they have kids, that's where all

of their energies going. So yeah, I think you just have to make consistent communication a priority. Yeah, I think that's pretty obvious. So there you go. Problem solved. Tale The next one we do have on the line. Her name is Andrea. She's from Ontario. She's in her thirties, and she writes, Dear Chelsea, this is literally the biggest decision of my life. My sister, who has Down syndrome,

was visiting me at the end of February. So just for context, remember the beginning of the pandemic, so February, because we had a grant to make a little film about her. Then everything blew up in the week. Trip has surpassed a year our mom passed away from brain cancer eight years ago, and Adele, my sister, moved into her own apartment in a group home, but due to the pandemic, all of her programs in Ontario have been canceled. I kept her with me and enrolled her in Whistler

Adaptive and now she doesn't want to leave. Every day I ask myself, how can I live with this little lady for the rest of my life? But also how can I not live with her for the rest of my life. I like to move freely through the world, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how I'm supposed to do that. I know family is very important to you. What do you think, Andrea, Hi, Andrea, Hello. That sounds like yeah, that is a big life decision totally.

So what's the status Like if you can have your sister what's her name, if you can have a dell live with you, is there a way for you to continue to have some help with that? Yeah? For sure. Like I have a big community where from Ontario though, so our whole, like my entire extended family is in Ontario and then here it's just the two of us. And with the program that she's in. Are they able to help in any way for like vacation care or if you wanted to get out and go do something.

I imagine it's kind of all day every day, But for the times you wanted to get out and go do something, what is the restriction on your life with her being there with you? Um, that part's okay, Like she's she's pretty high functioning, Like I can leave her and two days ago I left her for twelve hours, Like as long as she has food, she's good. I guess it's just like honestly, the originally the biggest issue

I had was I was really scared. I kind of feel emotional saying it, like I'm scared I was going to die and and I'd be the only thing she has out here. And right now in Ontario, she's like in the system, she's really well cared for, and I just felt scared of taking on that responsibility like for the rest of my life. Yeah, no, it is emotional, But I think did I hear you when you said

Ontario cut all her programs? Right? Yeah? Like right now this is the best place for her in the sense that like she lives in her own apartment in a group home, but because of COVID, she's not going to the adult learning center, she's not engaging with people. She wouldn't have been able to see any family members or the only window in the last three teen months she would have been able to see family members was for like a month last summer and they weren't even allowed

to like hug. So like like right now, I'm good. I'm just thinking long term what to do, because it's like she's my best friend, you know, and I look at her and like my heart explodes, like every day we just my brother and I bought her a champoline for her birthday and gave it to her early. And I've never seen anybody like when she's honest she sounds like like a giggling dolphin, like she's just can't control herself.

But then she's just shaking her hands and like just can't contain herself, and she's funny and she's like a little boss. It's I'm just I was thinking about it the like two nights ago, thinking about you, and honestly, it's like death. I'm like, I'm scared that I might die, and I'm scared she might die. Because we both watched that with my mom, and my mom was like her

big caregiver. Do you feel like you are able to incorporate her in your life though, where you still have a life, because this is I think a common issue my partner is going through, like his mom is going through this with having to move his grandma because she has dementia. And the biggest thing is are you still able to live your life without giving yours up for someone else's? I think now like we found our rhythm

for sure. In the beginning, it was so hard anyways because COVID was so scary and unknown, And now it's been thirteen months, we've got our our flow and yeah, and can I ask are you a partner? Do you have husband? Wife? Happily divorced? Okay, well, that's good. I'm

glad you got that out of the way. It's best you have you with the rest of your life to live alone, which is really where you're gonna I have a question though, so isn't it something that you can take on, like, you know, like a six month by six month basis if the programs are closed in Ontario. Oh, so you're talking about just extricating her from Ontario for good and not even going back to that program ever

when it reopens. Yeah, oh, I see, okay, because right now her life is preserved, right like her apartments there, all the programs, like she's in the system. Everything's good, everyone's happy. She's here with me. But it's you know, when the pandemic ends, and I think about it every day. Yeah, right, And what is the downside of when the pandemic ends and there and her programs are back in place and she's got it all dialed in in Ontario with your

extended family. What's the downside of having her go back there and you're visiting her regularly. She doesn't want to go back. She wants to live with me. Yeah, And she's she is thriving, and she's happy, and she definitely gives more to my life than she takes. But it's just also I guess, just being divorced, like it's like this is the biggest commitment there is because it is forever, Like I wouldn't be able to just take her on and then six months later put her through all that

trauma and stuff. And then I also she talks about how she wants to be in VC all the time. And I heard her telling someone that we're going to go back to Ontario student pack up all her stuff and then bring her back. And you know, and I'm like like, and I don't talk about it ever because I don't want her to have false hope or not. But yeah, well, it sounds like you have a really beautiful relationship with your sister, and like, I totally get it. I would do it because I would be like, how

could I not do it? You know, I get what you're saying about that. So it does sound like though, that she adds so much to your life and you love her so much. I mean, think about what you were just describing, Like watching her on the trampoline, Like that is joy and like the meaning of life, right, that is it to see somebody in that kind of space and to get to experience that on the regular. I think it adds to your life more than it

takes away. Yeah, I guess I have a fear of commitment, you know, right, I get that I have that too, I understand. Just remember everything has been magnified in the last year, Like everything feels a bit more intense because of what we're going through collectively. So you've said that you've kind of found your footing and in your routine

with her. And I think that's only going to get easier the longer that she's there, and that you'll just find more ways to incorporate and have your own space mentally and physically for yourself where she is not a burden, where she's incorporated. And you said yourself, like, she adds so much. I think that will only continue. I do, and part of me is like, am I just completely selfish? And if I wasn't where I lived like I us, another country at different culture, it wouldn't even be a question,

you know, like she would just live with me. But it's also okay to have those thoughts and feelings and want to figure that out because your person and you're entitled to have those are emotions, Like you can't help the fact that you're having feelings or thoughts like, yes,

everyone has a desire to be selfish. I mean, that's not something you can beat yourself up for your at least being honest about it, which is a lot healthier than being in den The worst thing you could do for Adele would be not thinking about yourself and just leaning in and doing it, because that's a good one. Brandon That is good because it's because then months later you build resentment. You really should have taken more time

to think about it. So the fact that you're doing this now before making the commitment, it's just going to set you both up for success. And I think her being there and vocalizing to you like I don't want to leave, that's definitely something to take into consideration. But then having to think for her where is going to be the best place for you long term? Like that's

also that is sadly your burden and responsibility. That may not be the result she wants, but ultimately you know, because you're operating in her best interest, that maybe Ontario is the best place for her. And again, it would be a hard conversation, but you're going through all that right now, so it's going to take a little time for you to really hone in on what that looks

like for you both. Yes, when do you want to make a decision by I don't know, Like I was going to bring her back last ball and then everything then I was like, oh, nothing's really changed, So I feel like I'm you know, I've taken her on to take care of her for this time, so I have to commit to that. I also feel like right now, like I can't really go anywhere. So it works really well.

And and that's the thing, like maybe when the restrictions go, I don't know if it looks like she goes back for a few months to see how we both actually really feel and then kind of come back have a healthy break. That sounds like a very reasonable option and is not a conversation you could have with her and that she would understand and accept. I've been trying to just position it to her that she does like live in Ontario and like I would never say this is

a trial for you going back. Usually she fights me on it, and then like a few days later she'll walk around my house and she'll be like, oh, I need this pencil when I go back to Ontario. So she she does get it, and she's, yeah, I think that would be the best option, would be to obviously take a little space break and then I bet you

you'd really miss her. Yeah. I look at her like in my heart explodes and I miss her like in that second knowing, you know, and it's it is that pure joy, but it's also like just like that unconditional love and like I wish I could have as much compassionate for myself as I do for her. Right, well, it seems like you have your decision made. It's just gonna take you some time to reconcile it because seemingly she's not going anywhere, and even if she does, she'll

be back. So I think it's just gonna take a little time for you to accept that that this is your new life circumstance, and that's okay. Yeah, yeah. There is a really incredible bond between sisters though, so I you know, I know what you're talking about, Okay, But then part of me is like, will I ever date again or will we just be too middle aged women living together for the rest of our question That comes up with me and my sister quite frequently as well,

so that's a common theme among sisters. I'm going to

tell her the same thing. I'm gonna tell her the same thing I tell you, No, you're not going to be alone forever, and it'll speak volumes of whatever person you end up with that knows like this is part of my life, and this is like a part of my life that I love and the reason why they're going to be drawn to you in the first place, you know, because you've taken this on and then you're creating a whole, this great non traditional family, you know,

Like that's fun and modern and cool and compassionate. What Adele will bring to that person's life, like this is all part of it. It's the mix of like personalities and love and affection that you'll have with whatever person you end up with next. Who will see that in her? And like I want that in my life as well, Like look what she can bring to me. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. Yeah, Okay. She's funny, though she's like a bit manipulative, Like she's like you can't eat anyone.

She's like, you're you're with me? How old is Adele? And a lot of her she's like an eight year old. A lot of her she's like a sixty year old. That sounds like me. Yeah. Yeah, she's amazing for sure, and she's hilarious. Send us a picture of the two of you together, will you like to say? I'll send a video of on the trampoline. Yeah, if we love that and let us know what you end up doing. Please Okay, all right, well, thank you, thank you? All right,

nice to speak to you Andrea you too. Definitely probably the most serious. Yeah, but very rational and so cute. I mean, it's definitely a complicated situation to be in. I don't know what I would do in that circumstance, but it seemed like she knew before she even called

what she wanted to do. Yeah, Like I remember saying, when my father was in a nursing home on the East Coast, I say to my brothers and sisters want it would just move him out to l A, like I can get him twenty four hour care here, or you know, we have my bell and they were like, no, you can't take that on, Like you think you can take that on, but you just can't. And they saved

me from myself. But that was a different situation because that's my father, and I have no patience and I'm not nearly as you know, loving and sweet as this woman is. So when you're talking to somebody who you know has an eight year old brain and they're like, I want to be with you. I live with you, now live with not giving into that is really respectful, like not just appeasing them because they're just in a moment and they love you and they're a little kid,

and you want to make them happy. So she's already very adult like, you know, because she's made it clear, no, you live in Ontario. You live in Ontario. But I think that they should be together. I think that they will be. I'll be curious to see what happens over the next few months. I really do hope that she checks in. I mean, I guess if these people check

back in will be a big reflection on the podcast. Brandon, I think, well, I think a lot of people really just need perspective that is not part of their bubble, their group, because you just get so overwhelmed by what's going on. I think about her friends, who are you know, having this conversation daily. It's really hard to give an honest opinion, and we don't know them, so it's very easy for us to tell them things that they may not like. But I shaved my legs this morning outside

on the deck. Did you shake your face? No, I haven't shaved my face in a while. Actually I should probably do that, but on the patio or whatever that area is, and I cut myself bleeding and then my pants got blood on them and they're white. Do you dry shave? Well? I was because the light was so great that I just thought, you know what, I should get a razor right now. Yeah, I was. It turned out to be a little bit of a blood bath this morning. Luckily Felix came in first thing. Yes, Felix

is the groundskeeper at the house. Well, don't say groundskeeper. That sounds very white privilege. How would you describe him? I thought he was the dog walker Brandon. No, I mean, I know he does other things. Described. I describe him as Bernice's Bernice's boyfriend. He is the best, Felix. Yeah, yeah, he's much better than Oscar. Who was the last guy that did this job. Oscar? There was the other one. Oh yeah, let's not even mention his name. He quit.

Do you remember why? What was it? He didn't like that a gay guy was giving him. Say that a lot, Yeah, that you run into that a lot, right, gay guys straight men not straight men. I found really do not like it if I have to work with them and give them direction on something. Very butch men don't give a ship who they get direction from. There's like an inherent insecurity and they don't like that. And what about women? Straight women? They love it? No, they don't give a ship.

But there's no ego and anything a straight woman does, like if you give them direction, she's like, hey, we need to do it this way. It's like, okay, it's so easy to communicate with a woman. Yeah, that's so true. That's why men there are signs everywhere where wear a mask, however you do it. Yeah, we spent an entire pandemic with signs everywhere saying wear a mask, and they wouldn't do it. If I ever see another man with a mask underneath their nose, I mean, I'm just gonna lose it.

I am. I can't not say anything. I mean, I know it's kind of like over now, but if I see it again, I'm going to get as mad as I did before. It's like poking a hole in your condom before you put it on, like it serves no purpose. It's also just the most unflattering way to look at someone is to see them without a mouth, like to see nose up. No, no, no, no, that doesn't isn't It is like looking at a dick pic. Most people don't have the face for that, They don't have the

face structure to carry that. You have to ask yourself do you have the nose up face. Although it is an adjustment to see people's whole faces, I am very glad we are transitioning out of this phase, and I hope it is permanent. I think I'm just gonna keep my mask on, but I agree. I mean, it's nice to have the option to take it off. I once

slept in a mask accidentally woke up with it. Obviously I was intoxicated, but I think I was so disgusted by the person that I was with who said he didn't think masks worked, that I kept it on for extra coverage that You're like, I'm going to make sure i'm protected after being around you. I told you about

the guy went off on at the gym. Right I was walking down the stairs and Jim's finally reopened here, so I was really excited and went in for one of my first workouts, and I was walking down the stairs and this guy was on the elliptical. I mean he was barely moving, had his mask totally off, not even under his chin, and so I be aligned it for him and I was like, hey, hey, put on your fucking mask, and the people are all looking he what's going on? Are you new to the what's going on?

I don't know a pandemic? People? Are you new to the fucking planet? Because it doesn't matter where he came from, you know what's going on here? Like, put on your map and what do you see? This woman over here sprinting uphill on the treadmill. She has her mouse completely on your barely fucking glistening, Like, what are you doing? You're not exerting yourself, buddy, you have athletic induced asthma from wrestling in sixth grade. Put on your mask and

then take up puff of your inhaler. Well wait, remember that happened in New York City when we were filming my special. We were coming around the corner we took a ploties class in the morning. Two guys outside FedEx workers and they weren't wearing masks, and I was like, hey, guys, why aren't you wearing masks? And they're like, who's the word outside? And I'm like, yeah, but you're two feet

away from each other, Like that's what's happening. We're all spreading it two ft away from other people walking on the sidelore, right, And then some guy came up on a bike and he's like, you shut up? What do you call me? Bitch? Bitch? And I was wearing my mask, so there's no way he even knew who I was. And I was like, I would be a little bit more understandable. And I was like, what I mean, when somebody provokes me like that, I can't not engage, like I want to be like you will knock at the

last word, which is so stupid. But it's so ridiculous that they want to validate their behavior or become aggressive. And that's so I was a little in front of you, and I didn't realize what was happening. And as soon as the guy pulled up on his bike and called you a bitch, like I stepped up because I'm like, you don't know what people are going to do, because all you need is some fucking vitamin C. You just got to take vitamin C and then that's all you need.

There's no such thing as COVID. And I was like, oh, okay, well now we're dealing with, like, you know, a chocolateyte, a New York chocolodte. It's just so unbelievable. Okay, well should we take another caller? I mean, I guess unless we want to go on about those guys. The next emission comes from Jessica. She's in her twenties. We do not know where she is. Oh, it's a mystery. It's like Mtery Alaska, remember that movie Mry Alaska. I'm in San Diego. Where in the world is she? We don't

know shere. It's dear Chelsea. I recently got really drunk and hooked up with my best friend's brother, Tail as Old as Time, Jessica. I told my best friend I wouldn't hook up with his brother because he's notorious for banging lots of women. Well that should have been your signal right there. We all hung out and had a great time in the community we live in is really small,

so it could cause problems in the long run. I've had a huge crush on his brother for eight months, and I held out for this long and then I just sucked it all up because of whiskey and white Claw. Also Taylor as Old as Time. But now it's done, and he expressed that he really enjoyed it and he hasn't been acting weird at all. So the question is do I bang him again? Yes or no? Hi, Jessica, I Chelsea Jessica, I can tell just by the looks

of you that you're going to have sex with him again. Also, I can already tell look at how happy you are. You're every fun girlfriend I had in college. I'm not in college anymore. I'm past that. But I think I got worse after I graduated. So yeah, but whatever, who gives a ship you get worse in what way that you like sex? Who cares? That's what we're here for. That's what we're here for. That's what these ages for is to have fun and you know, go explored. I

know who you're into and for how long. Yeah, the problem is that I make the wrong choices and who I want to have sex with, and then I get myself into trouble because of it, as you can see. Yeah, but it sounds like you like trouble then because you knew that he didn't want you to sleep with him. Does your friend know that you slept with his brother by the way he does? He does, and he wasn't very happy about it, and he's assuming that I'm not going to do it again. Has he met you? Unfortunately?

When you say that, well, don't say that. I mean I've met you, and I could tell you're going to do it again. So I mean, I don't know, what's no question in my mind she's gonna suck him, probably tonight. Okay, you say that you get into trouble with your decisions. What is it that becomes problematic? Do you get involved emotionally and these guys are just pieces of ship or what? No? No, I just I choose the most dramatic situations to be in. So there's more to this story than just the email

that I sent you. Guys, well, can we get the cliffs notes? Not development? So I live in a very, very small town, so that's one of the problems. And this boy who I hooked up with his ex girlfriend happens to be my laser hair removal technician and she's that ship crazy. Okay, well, don't go back to her or you'll lose more than you wanted. I'm not I'm terrified. Does she know how many sessions have you done with the laser hair removal? Like five? That's plenty. You don't

need to do anymore. I mean, honestly, I just yeah, I mean, and just go back for a touch up to someone else. Obviously. The other thing is I understand what you mean about being drawn to drama. I used to be like, how old are you? I seven? That's an age to be kind of a funk up. Sorry to say it, but that's like we're attracted to drama at that age because we're not fully an adult yet. You're really not an adult until you're in your thirties. But you shouldn't beat yourself up like I stand about

making bad decisions. You don't want to piss your friends off, you don't want to piss your family off, or you don't want to do anything that's so unforgivable. So it's important to like check your behavior. But at the same time, like, I'm sorry, but your twenties are for mistakes in bed, you know, and like it's kind of like a coming of age, really integral part of your life. Yeah, and as a woman, you shouldn't have to be validated by

anyone else for your decisions. Like if you want to fox someone, you do it, And as long as you're not harming yourself or them physically or emotionally, you shouldn't have to answer to anyone about that. First of all, it's very personal. So even your friend he should have no voice in this. His opinion. Again, unless it's harming him physically or severely emotionally, you should be able to

do what you want to do. I know, I just feel like every time I want to like, like I said, I'm not like the type of person who's a home wrecord, I'm not going to do anything awful like that. Just I feel like every time I go out and I find somebody that I'm like, I want to do with you, it's you. I'm trying view somebody has something to say about it, and I don't know why. I don't know why.

It's always just like no, like you're going to ruin everything you're am I only supposed to bang like complete strangers, Like I'm not allowed to do it within like the friend group because it's such a small community. There are no strangers for me to go find, Like everybody knows everybody. So are you can I ask you a question, Yeah, as someone from a small town, do you make it dramatic afterwards? Because I know that sometimes that can happen.

I don't that you go into it with like zero expectations and that you just want to fuck and that's fine, but then you get wrapped up in the drama. Yourself. Yeah, sometimes exactly, Like if you're prone to a lot of drama's usually because you like drama. I don't, I swear it's it's I think that the people that I surround myself with do maybe I feed off of that. Brandon,

should she have some again? Can if he can keep his mouth shut, If he's respectful of you enough to where you want to keep this very casual and noncommittal, and he respects that and will not tell anyone, then you, guys should have a good time. You're twenty seven years old like this. It shouldn't be and everybody shouldn't be wanghing in who cares about his ex girlfriend who's a wax esthetician, Like she has nothing to do with your life at all. I mean they're not together, right, No,

I'm just worried if she were to find out. But all your worry is what if? What if? What if? What if? Your friends are all worried about what if? What if? Nothing's happening, So stop sucking worrying. You're gonna make something happen, and you're gonna you're engaging the drama. You have to be like, hey, guys, I'm an adult. I'm twenty seven years old. If I want to have a little fun, I want to have a little fun.

The other thing is if it's your friend's brother and your friends really sensitive, then you have to have a more adult conversation with your friend and be like, hey, like I don't want to ruin our friendship, but like that was a lot of fun. Like what's the problem? Can I have a casual relationship with your brother? Or is he worried that it will get serious and you'll get your heartbroken? Right? No, you're right, I shouldn't have

that conversation with him. Well, also because he he's made like moves on my friends, So I'm like, why can you do it to mine? But I can't do it to yours? Exactly because men want control over everything. They're the fucking worst. Do not give in and don't answer to anyone. You should even be answering to us at this scenario. You need to go funk this guy. You need to get perspective. That's why wrong, I think. Listen, if you're in a small town, the drama probably is

a lot bigger than what it is. You know what I mean, It seems a lot bigger than what it actually is. And so I would go with that and tell everybody just that you're you're not a little girl, like, You're gonna do what you want to do, and everyone can weigh in when you ask for their opinion. That's true, That's very true. I hope that it happens organically. If it does, and then it stays where it should be. But yeah, well, good luck to you into the city

that you live in. Maybe I should just move. Maybe that that was gonna be my next suggestion. And when you're done with their move, when you've gone through all those in their move, Yeah, when you've gone through the enough guys in that town, fucking leave it and just go to a bigger city where you'll have options galore. Perfect. Hopefully by that time, I'll still have like the skin on my body after this woman lasers everything off. Well, yeah,

you're not going back there, so don't worry. You'd rather deal with some extra hair on your beaver and then going back there, all right. By Jessica Have Fun by Jessica is one of those girls that is just fun

to be around, and it's such an exploratory age. It's also like everyone takes themselves away too seriously and That's the only thing I think that's advice to listen to from like a really early age is to not take yourself so seriously because that is the biggest hurdle between people and they're fucking egos and the way that they're perceived and the way that they're coming across and the way that they're presenting themselves is ego. It's all about

this like six cycle. So it's like step one, don't take yourself too seriously. Okay, you go to the bathroom too. I'm sure you've stayed some underwear. Okay, Well, this is a golden opportunity for us to get my breath the Roy on the phone. So we're gonna call Roy and he doesn't know what's happening, because you know, what's the point of explaining it. I can't wait to see him to reiterate he's not asking her advice, but you know this is going to be unsolicited advice and we just

need to get yes. Thank you, Hi Roy boy? Are you guys doing Hi? Roy? Roy? Your camera screen is so clean? Sorry, can you wipe it with something? It's like very opaque where you are. Actually, I would love for that filter to be on us because he looks just very smooth. Okay, so I'm gonna showing his house. I can go upstairs and do the wipe it down if you need me to wipe it down. But my internet went out, so that's why I'm over here. Okay, Well, does she have a computer cloth? Maybe I'd like to

see you a little bit more crisply. Okay, okay, great, I'll give him some background. Okay, up Roy is a hot mass of our family. He's kind of like, you know, the baby of the family, even though he's the oldest. So we sent him once about to call a couple of years ago to get his life sorted out. He went to live on an island and pull out. My sister got him a job. Somebody she went to law school with owns a resort. So he's a chef, and

he went to pull out. He lived here for a few years and kind of you right with me, and it was you know, it turns it got pretty hectic, you know, irresponsibility, having girls at the house who were asking for pictures in my kitchen at seven am in

the morning. Things like that kept happening. So anyway, so we were like, okay, Roy, he went to Palu, this little island off the coast of Indonesia and Singapore, maybe, and he has been living there for the last I have no sense of time, So it could have been four years. It could have been three years. It could have been six months. We'll find out when he gets back. Anyway, he came home. He's done with that job, he's over it.

He came back to live in New Jersey. He lives across the street from my sister Shawna, and he got a job. But he's got a wife now who's in the Philippines that he supports, and she has two children. Roy, hold on one second, I mean, wipe your face. Hold on, I heard everything he said. Perfect. Roy doesn't want advice from his family members, right, Is that correct? Roy? I wouldn't say that. I mean, advice is good, but you've just got to take everything with the grain of salt.

Some people know what they're talking about. Some people know what they're Did you shave half of your mustache today? No? Why one half looks shaved and one side doesn't. But that's at least you're I think it's just the shadow on it. Okay, it's probably just the reflection anyway, Great, job cleaning it up. We still can't see you, Roy, Can you give Brandon the rundown you left for when I left for Palau in two fifteen after I left l A. Okay, Mom got me the job in Plow.

She has a friend who she went to school with an Emory, and they own a restaurant Plow. So they asked me to go there for three weeks and I went there for four or five years and got married. I did not get married. We are not married yet. Okay, Well that's good to know you. I thought you were married. No, we have to get married because I'm not allowed into the Philippines with the virus thing unless I was. If I was married, i'd be able to get in, but

I'm not married, so I'm not able to get in. Okay, So you're thinking about getting married just to get in because of COVID. Yeah, because that's a big mistake. Now I can't see I haven't seen her in eighteen months. So and the last time he didn't see her for a period of time, Right, she had a baby with someone else, right, that's correct. Yeah, but that was before that was before we started going out. Okay, So explain the dynamic with you and your wife? Are you are

you engaged? I was in I was working in Palau. There's not much to do in Palau, so we go to karaoke bars a lot. So there's waitresses who entertained the customers in the karaoke bars. And I met her and I went in there. Almost right, I'm gonna interject with some question since as you set this up, when you say entertained, do you mean like entertain or sing at karaoke? And they sing, They do a lot of stuff they do, you know, favors and like that. But

it depends. I'm still super clear if I keep going. I told you this is a tricky cave. It depends on the girl. She was a sweet and I liked her, and I walked into the bar. The first time I met her, she was sitting down behind the bar. There was no customers in the bar, and I sat down. I wandered to drink, and she was she had her head down and she was just behind the bar in

a chair and she didn't say anything to me. And for like ten minutes and I'm sitting there, I'm like, So I grabbed a piece of popcorn and then threw it out her head and then she looked up and she slipped up and she smiled at me. And that was that was it, That was the start, that was the fire that lit the candle. I met her at

the karaoke bar. We went out for a couple of times, and then she wanted she wanted me to be boyfriend and girlfriend with her, and I'm like, if you're working here, I can't be boyfriend and girlfriend with you because I don't like going out with the guys. We didn't know what she was going to get up to, right, and she said, okay, that's it and no more, no more for you, and she went out with another guy and she got pregnant, and then she went back to the Philippines.

So we didn't talk for like six months. And then six months later I called her, see what's up? And she had a baby and she was in six months. She's an easy bake oven. How did she have a baby? Pinots are very right, they're very there. So they only have six months pregnancies. Okay, Well you don't believe in birth control, okay. And so the other guy was just to clarify. The other guy was a customer, was a karaoke bar, yeah, okay, So he was a customer at the karaoke bar that she had a baby with, and

that you're now the father too, correct, that's correct. I am the stepfather of two of them. Yeah okay, okay, Well, but you're not the stepfather, Roy, because you're not married. That's true. But I am the step step what you call it, whatever it is. You're a father figure, that boyfriend, the acting paternal figure in their life. Yes, okay. So are you formally engaged to this woman. No, I'm not formally engaged. Nothing with Roy is formal. Okay. Well, yeah,

so Roy told me this story. Obviously over the summer we got to see each other, and I thought, you know what, good for you? He told me how he met her, the karaoke bar story, and you know, years ago I would have really laid into him and been like, what are you thinking? But I want him to be happy, and he makes her happy. So who gives a ship? What the funk she does? And I'm sick of judging women for doing stuff anyway, Well that's all we want.

So we're laughing. But you're happy. I'm very happy. Yeah. I wish she could be here, you know, or I could be in the Philippines instead of this long distance stuff. But that leads me to my next question, what is the plan? Would she move here? How serious is this if she's still gallivanting alone through the Philippine with her two kids. Don't say gavanting, Brandon, Brandon, what Brandon, that's very You're now being judging. No I'm gallivanting. No, no, No,

that's judgment. She's first of all, when I was in I built a house, or I didn't build it. Her father built a house in the Philippines, a simple, small house. It was bucks And they live in the house now with their parents and their sisters and all that. So there's like nine people in the house. So she's not She takes care of the two kids. She's very loyal. She's a sweet girl. She reminds me a lot of mom, Like, she's super super super sweet. Does everything. She doesn't go out,

She doesn't go about drinking or anything like that. You know, she does when I go there just to have fun. But when I'm not there, she doesn't do that. She's very um experiened. So could she move to the US, could you guys form a real life together? Yeah, she can move, but we have to get her visa thing done, which is working, but it's not ready yet. She's only been to Pullow, so she's only allowed to go to

like three countries and one of them is Pullow. And I think she's allowed to go to Japan and Vietnam, but she's not allowed to come to the US. And so how does it work when if you were to meet someone, would you have to marry her there to bring her back? How would the marriage work in terms of getting her here? You better off to marry here and then we can work it out in the Philippines. And once you get married, that's it. There's no divorce

in the Philippines. Well, that's not gonna work out, more recognizable if you get a US marriage rather than can she not come to the US with the kids just to get me married? And she can come like an F like Glenn's like Olga did on an F third F H one N one. I'm not sure. I think that's the bird flu. Actually we did that, so but that was years ago. So exchange true. Yeah, I bet you would be easier to bring her over here, marry her in the States, and then she becomes a US

citizen by way of marriage. I think I can get us three months thing where she's here for ninety days and get married and then at all. Yeah, and then so she would come over with the kids. No, she would come over by herself, get married, then go back. Uh huh Okay, Well, normally I would step in and do all this stuff for him, but I have a handsoff approach now to my family. Let them figure it out and if they need me to lask right personally, I hope that it works. I hope that she's able

to come over. I hope that you guys can start your life together, because what you're doing now is no life. Like there's no talking about a well, Roy, you have a life, but you want a life with your wife and your kids. And what the longestance in eighteen month intervals. I mean, that's no way to build a relationship. And no matter how long you're together, I mean, relationships are constant work. And so we laugh about it. All we want in life is for people that we love to

be happy. Yeah, my brother to be happy, and she makes him happy. So we have to figure out. Roy, you have to put all your efforts towards getting her over here with the visa and getting that ship sorted out. No, but yeah, yeah, this is a person who didn't have health insurance. Now he does well, yeah, but not because of himself. So if he has to take the initiative, you know, instead of me taking the initiative. Is Shawna there with you, Roy, Shanna, we're gonna share about that's fun.

Do you and your fiance what's her name again? Maurice M A R I Z Marie. Do you guys have phone sex? We do not have phone sex. We joke about it, but we don't. We don't. There's no penetration. Thanks for clarifying that. Roy wouldn't be right because it's phone sex. No, well, right, so I don't even know what he's talking about. But anyway, I mean, I guess what is the moral of this story? I wanted you to weigh in for him that it was an outside list.

I honestly think that as long as Royce happy, healthy and yes, health insurance, So check those two boxes, that she's happy and healthy, and that there's consistent communication about moving forward like that's the one thing I wouldn't want either of you to get too comfortable in the dynamic that you're currently in to where nothing changes, because again that's not a real relationship in terms of the process

of building a life together. So as long as there's a movement on getting her here or getting you there, I think you keep doing it right. The thing is, with the COVID everything everything slowed down, so I'm not even allowed into the Philippines. Only Filipinos are allowed into the Philippines, so it's tough to get in and now, but I think you should focus Roy on bringing her to America because anyone can travel into America, you can get her here, So focus your energy on getting the

visa that's appropriate for that for her. Okay, Well that was anticlimactic and I well it's still in process, so you really need to keep us posted, Roy, I would like actual updates on what's going on. Okay, what is the name of the podcast? By the way, it's called Dear Chelsea where people call in and ask advice questions to Brandon and me. And we're a couple's counseling team. So if you need any help with Maurice when she gets to town, you know who to call, are you guys,

specially in couples counseling? Well, we're of the couple, but we also specialize in other couples, so it doesn't really matter. You could be single or a couple, or a threesome or a throuble and we're here. We handle all day. Amax. Well congratulations, Well, congratulations do you. Roy? Looks like you got yourself a bride and it's going to happen any day now. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Well, I can't wait to make a toast any wedding. Yeah, we will,

don't worry, Okay, love you by Roy. You. I love every one of your family members because they all bring something to the table, like something. Here's the thing, though, you dealt with Roy's health insurance, so you know what I'm dealing with. With him getting a visa for his potential wife isn't going to happen. I mean, I don't want to say that because I want to believe in my brother, but I just know his habits. But it will speak so highly of Roy if it does get done,

because it means like that was something worse. Will be attracted to Roy if you could that. You don't have many other male prospects right now, so maybe you can get with your brother. I'll get him to break up with his fiance so I can date him. That sounds like a Lifetime of old movie. You know who has a great podcast about Lifetime original movies, Sarah Colonna. Is it about lifetime marginal only about life? She and her

friend it's really funny. Well, I'd like to pitch you a project right now then, because I would love to write a Lifetime original movie called Murders in the Midwest, And it's all about this guy in my hometown who was embezzling grant money that was supposed to go to Native American students to go to college. He was embezzling it, and everyone in town knew what was going on. And he lived in a small, timillion dollar mansion. He built

a gymnastics studio. No one in town does gymnastics, small town of people, and when it could have been who knows. So turns out the state found out what he was doing. He went to a meeting where they basically said, like, hey, we've backtracked all the logs, we know what's going on. He went home, he hit a safe, told his son's girlfriend that if anything happened to them, like you know, she needed to find the safe and killed his entire

family that night, burned the house down with everyone in it. Yeah. God, that sounds like a Lifetime original movie. Totally totally hort phonic company. In Contact with Someone, Well, that's a really our lifetime movie is based on real A lot of

them are. My favorite is this seem like they are. Well, my favorite Lifetime Original movie is this one called She's Too Young, and it's about this girl who everyone in high school is having sex and she gets Syphliss and her mom is Marcia Gay Harden, who I fucking have a love hate relationship with. Sometimes she's on screen and I'm like, oh my god, like you're like the modern day Stoker Channing. And then other times I'm like, please,

where is Dr Channing? She's another fucking awesome person. Gay's love Stoker Channing and Sally Field. Yeah, yeah, and Francis McDorman. Stoker Channing reminds me a little bit of Francis McDorman. I'm not sure why. Probably because of that no bullshit attitude. It's hot. It's hot. It's hot when people have confidence, right, No soccer Channing was a good fucking time back in the day. Oh yeah, can you imagine they would have.

I'm glad that they are still alive because if they did hang out, I don't know how they made it out of that. That would have been a lot of quayludes, right, But if survive that period of time. That's why I'm still alive for surviving my period of time, which can you imagine if I had been alive during the sixties or the seventies. Seventies, They mean, they gave you permission to behave bad right, thank you ladies. Oh man, Roy has a lot to digest after that. Zoom. I think

he got more than he intended. Well, yeah, he gets, Yes, that's that's true. But he enjoys it and he's always a good sport about it. I love my brother Roy. Yeah, he really took that in stride. Yeah, And I also, you know, like I do want him to just be happy. So you know, who's anyone to tell anyone who to be with. It's like we are the last generation. Well I am, sweetheart, I'm the last generation of anyone that will ever have to learn to accept other people's choices.

But you like, in terms of transgender and gay and bisexual and binary and non binary and and learning all these things like no one will ever have to learn this again. I mean, but it is a learning process for a prolonged amount of time. So like you will make mistakes, you will have to readdres us it and it's again you have to give people kind of the leeway and ability to make a mistake and still move forward. So who knows who you'll end up with? I keep

telling you, and I will stand by this. I would like you to be a late life lesbian. Well that's your desire, Brandon, I know. All right, Well, let's take a quick break and we'll come back to that. And our last emission is really going to thrill you. Oh, thrilled me, thrill you. We'll see about that. I know how much you love an affair in that type of interaction assessment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like to hear about these types of things. Our last emission is about an affair. Okay,

they right, Dear Chelsea. I'm twenty one years old, living at home for the next two years to finish my degree over quarantine. I found out that my dad is having an affair. I was preparing to tell my mom when my sister told me that my mom was also cheating on my dad with our neighbor who is also married. Right, so there are a lot of cheating spouses in the scenario. Okay, wow, this is like desperate. How's why? This is like days of our lives? Like Sam through the hourglass. This is

exciting stuff. Okay, we were planning on telling our mom about the affair, but decided against it after her cheating was discovered. My sister is older and has since moved out. But I'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed. He lies every day that he works late, but I know he's at his mistress's house. I know that because I broke into his phone to share his location with me. As far as I know, my mom's affairs over now, but it has been on and off for ten years. There are a

lot of complexities here. My father's affair has been going on for years too. I had a seemingly normal and healthy family before I found out about everything, and it makes me sad that I can't completely open up to my mom. My dad is trashed for other reasons, but my mom is an amazing person and mother. I'm planning to live with them for the next two years. Should I just avoid my dad and stick it out? Or is living here not worth the trauma? This is I

have some thoughts on this. What are your thoughts? Why don't you take it? Why don't you go first? Well, I just, first of all, I think that relationships and marriages are much more complex than we are prepared to understand from a young age. So you have this idea and this archetype of what your family life should look like, what your parents how they should interact with each other and the outside world. But a lot of times our expectations are not going to be met because of these complexities.

Like maybe they have an agreement in place. You don't know the interworkings of your parents marriage. So I think you need to give both of them a little bit more compassion in this because you don't know why they're still together, like if they're still love there. I think that there are a lot of elements to any affair. There are extenuating circumstances on both sides. I would say, what do you think, Well, I would give your parents

a little bit more wiggle room. You just said, like you judge, you have such hatred, You're so angry, You're so angry, Like why you don't know what their arrangement is you don't know what they've been through together, You don't know the nuances between their relationship. They might just

be hiding it from you and not each other. But I do think it's an opportunity, if you really care about the well being and health of your family, like to sit down and actually have an open conversation with both of them altogether, like a family meeting, Like you and your sister have all the information you need to know that you're living in a dysfunctional house or it could feel dysfunctional. It might not be, but it sounds like it is dysfunctional and confronting both of your parents,

and like, why not do that? You know, that's a good way to participate in this, because yeah, if you stay there and you don't address the situation head on, I think you're going to get very very angry and very resentful, and then that's just going to cause more and more drama. I think you could also, though, potentially, just start investing some energy and time into your parents separately to kind of figure out where they're at in life. You know, if your parents are both happy separately, how

they're feeling in these situations. I think as you get older, you have to remove yourself from that parent child relationship. And if you're really curious about something like this, you know, have in depth conversations. Maybe present it to your parents as if you're going through something similar, see what their

take is on it. That you're dating someone or I don't know, you know what you really have going on, but you're dating someone and they wanted to cheat on their spouse or their part there with you, And I think that there are ways to kind of get answers before addressing it with them, to get a sense of kind of where they're at. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely don't think you can just stay there and not saying anything. And I think you have to look at saying something

as an investment into your like families future. You know, this could be a huge turning point for all of you guys, or they could get divorced and decide that they are not You know that they were staying together for the children and now that both of you guys know, it's no longer a healthy relationship, which is also a

healthy decision. You know, if they were staying together for you, like to let them know, Hey, guys, we both know that you're both having sex with other people, so you know, like the party's over, well not parties over, but like pressure is off. Maybe just like the illusion is gone. We're not under some illusion that you're in a happy marriage, So why are you together and what are we doing

as a family. I think that's totally reasonable and actually really responsible, and I would be really proud of myself if I had done something like that with my family. I mean, my parents weren't having sex with other people, but well maybe they were, who knows exactly. I hope they were. Well I hope my mother was anyway, because if she had sex only with my father that would be sad. Well, let us know what's going on. Please give us an update on if you do have a

conversation with them, if you find anything else out. I mean, this is pretty fucking juicy, so I don't want to lose track of this story. Yeah, I know, this is probably one of the juiciest stories we've had so far, so please keep in touch. I would also like to encourage our listeners who have a fair problems or aware of affairs that are happening, or in an affair or having relationship problems with their partner, like you can call in together, you can write in together if you want

to receive our counseling as a couple. I'm very good at that too, and I think you think you probably are good at that too. Write it could be I've not tested it out yet, but I have. Yeah, I've done some couples counseling indirectly. But like you know, if you have a friendship that's in trauma, or you have a relationship that you know is in trouble, and you can get someone to agree to do it with you, we won't show your face unless you're comfortable with that.

We don't have to do that. It can just be a phone call, it could be a private zoom, but just so you know, we're open to that. I think that's where I thrive, sweetheart. I think that is where we thrive to. Actually, well, that's a wrap on this, so I don't know if there was a better way to go out. Wow, Okay, well shitsky doodle on that one.

Um by Brandon. If you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com, Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com and just for you know, all the listeners who are listening to this episode today, just take some solace in the fact that Roy will not be giving you the advice I will, and Brandon will