Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky

Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Okay, Catherine, what do we got today?

Well, today we have a fabulous returning guest, one of our favorites.

It's Monica Lewinsky.

Okay, ladies, Hello, Hi Monica Lewinsky. Welcome back to the show.

Chelsea. Thank you so happy to be here.

Always happy to see your smiling face. I was recently on your podcast, which is called Reclaiming Everyone, which is a fabulous new podcast that Monica launched with Wondery, which, by the way, you have the nicest podcast studio that I've ever been in.

Oh, thank you.

It is actually the Amazon Music studio podcasty Things, So not my design yet, but one day I'll have a set.

So okay, well whatever they hooked you up. It was yes, it was sweet. I was like, this is a nice setup.

Yeah, we call that the Good Room. I'm like, we have to have the good Room for Chelsea. I loved having you. Thank you so much for coming on. I've heard from people friends of mine from around the world how much they loved your conversation and are big fans of yours.

Oh well, thank you so much.

I mean, I'm really happy for you in this phase of your life that you're in right now, because I think the podcast is so emblematic of who you are from what I know of you, and you're having really meaningful, cool conversations with people. And it is called reclaiming because why.

So in many ways it's both personal to me and I think the way that I see the world in this sense of like the kind of narrow definition of reclaiming is to get back something that was lost or taken from you, and I've had that experience personally, Like they're big reclaiming. So for me, my reclaiming my voice and my narrative after having lost it twenty seven years ago was a big thing. But there are so many ways and so many elastic definition or I guess what's

That's crazy.

I have rage about temperature.

I have rage about it, like the temperatures of like refrigerated items.

When I get something out of.

A refrigerator that's not my own, because all of my refrigerators are set to thirty four degrees fahrenheit. That is as cold as you can pretty much make it, and that's the temperature I like when I go into a refrigerator. I just did this here in this podcast studio. It was a fucking medium warm, like a tiny bit cold diet coke.

There's nothing grosser than that, you know what I mean.

And if you don't have fully cold beverages, because obviously you have to replenish them, they can't always be cold, then there has to be ice close by. I fucking hate I have temperature rage hate. I hate medium like cold drinks that aren't like cold, like I want condensation on the outside of the glass, you know what I mean. I need to see I need to see the cold. I need to see the temperature before I have the drink.

Gonna have to send it back.

And I mean I have to be high maintenance in that way because I just need to be pleased just that way. Temperature pleasing. Yes, yes, yes, it's same. When I sleep, it has to be at sixty eight degrees.

Sixty eight. That's I'm sixty eight girl.

What do you what? What temperature do you sleep in?

Like?

Thirty is what I would like. Yeah, that's what I would like, But I mean I can have it. I like I like bundled old with blankets, lots of blankets.

Yeah.

When I'm in Whistler, sometimes I have I put like even in the dead of winter, I will open the windows and part of the house so that I am for areezing. And then I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I'm in my broad underwear and I'm like yeah, and then I get back into that cold you know, that little den, that snuggle den, and I just love wrapping up myself up and lots of lots of lots of blankets.

It's the best.

You know what sleeping game changer for me without batteries is a like a heating path has been a really big game changer. Just you know, they turn off after two hours. But it's like a little cuddle. You know.

You can put it on your tummy, put it on your head.

It doesn't get you too warm, because if you like to sleep in thirty degrees, I know that.

But I keep it on low and it just I don't know the one I have. It just somehow feels nurturing and it calms me down.

Well. Heating pads tend to feel that way, that's true.

I got one of those air conditioning mattress pads where basically you can adjust the temperature.

To heat or cool.

Yeah.

So because Doug, my dog won't sleep in bed with me because he has so much furs, so he gets so hot. So I was like, maybe if I put this on full blast, he can sleep on the cold next to me, because you can do it for either side. So I'm going to try that when he comes back. Right now, he's vacationing in Canada, so once I once I retrieve.

You know, Doug is a jet setter.

He's trying to smooth things over with Canada while we WERENA.

Well, he did very well with the election, So.

Thank you, thanks so much, thank you, Doug.

It's so funny you mentioned that though, because somebody I've never heard of that air conditioning mattress thing, and someone just mentioned it last night to me.

So I feel like the universe is telling me to get one.

Well, they have those fans that like go right under your covers and like blow right at you. I haven't tried one of those, but I'm like, I think maybe I need one of those.

Ye fan under your covers.

Yeah, it's like got a little nose that goes under your covers and then.

Oh, I have a ceiling fan, so that helps me too. I need a ceiling fan on I need multiple I need rain machine, my sound machine on my phone. Then I need an overhead ceiling fan, and then I need air conditioning or a window open.

Right, Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

What do you fall asleep to? Do you listen to a noise machine at all? No?

You know it's funny.

So my my niece and nephew have now started sleeping over and they use a sound machine, and I can't sleep with the sound machine.

I don't know what's walk with me.

So so what are you doing putting on beats headphones when you go to sleep?

No, I just I basically sleep for twenty minutes and then wake up panicked. Anyway, like, is everybody okay? So everyone still sleeping? Are they so in bed?

You know?

So I don't have a sound machine, but I do love Actually, my favorite, my probably best sleep is when I'm at the ocean, so when I can hear the waves crashing all night long.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's my sound machine for a while, where waves crashing. And then I moved to rain, and then I moved to thunder and actual thunderstorm.

I like it.

I'd like to be How have it be as disturbing as possible while love saving?

Yeah, slightly afraid. So, Monica, what are some of the things.

I mean, You've had some really interesting people on that you've interviewed on Reclaiming, your new podcast, So what are some of the things that you've learned that have been inspiring to you from some of these guests?

Oh my gosh, every conversation, I think I have had a moment where I've either set out loud or thought inside wow, you know, whether it's a moment of someone sharing a moment of vulnerability that I think I hadn't expected to see or feel. I interviewed someone yesterday who told me a story of how they had torn a muscle performing on stage, and there was an article the next day saying they were drunk on stage, Oh my god, instead of like even understanding that she was in pain front.

But no, no, no, no, no, no, I understand.

I mean it's a large quote, it's a broad question, and it's hard to always like pinpoint everything, but it is an interesting medium to kind of be in, right, like interviewing people, learning how to interview people learning, like the conversations that you're having, and like the meaningfulness behind

So what are some of the podcasts that you listen to?

Well, I love your podcast, but I want to go back to something for a second from when you were on, because I had a question for you. We had what felt like a really meaningful exchange around motherhood, not wanting motherhood.

That feel that? Did it feel that way to you?

As not? Okay?

So I don't know you an apology?

No, please? Are you kidding me? Not at all. I'm not like that at all. Things go go in one ear and out the other.

And I take it a very little personal a even if it's personally directed on me, I still don't take it personally.

I'm pretty good at that.

Yeah, No, I mean I think we all have to get a little bit better at that. It would be a nice, much more sat a much more sane way to live. I know that I'm saying or when I pay attention less to what people are saying, But I think it's always very interesting, Like you know, it's it's such a privilege right to be able to have these kinds of conversations, to be making a living and you know,

It's like, I don't think anybody likes this, and there's like fifteen people in the gym.

And then manager text me actually was actually, we've had requests to turn the light up. And I'm like, well, is there a time where I can go in where the fucking light is off?

Like?

The are the these are the things that I'm sitting here.

And I was like, I can't wait to get on.

A podcast today and bitch about all these things I always forget and I want to know who's with me and who's not with me. So I thank you for the audience today, Monica, because you get.

To hear that I'm with you, girl, I am with you.

It's so funny because probably a big overshare, but I don't know why I was randomly thinking about someone I had dated a long time ago. Then it was we reconnected after probably over like he'd been married and had kids and everything in between. And it was great because the tables had sort of turned where I was kind of more into him before and now he was more into me on this date and and we ended up,

It was that bad where I could have an overhead lighting overhead lighting, but it was also kind of fluorescent, and it was just it's the worst I've seen cellulate on my forehead under overhead lighting. Literally, I've seen things that I'm like that can't possibly true truly exist on my body. There's no way that exists. I mean, whoever came up with overhead lighting? I dated a hotel ya once, Andre Blange, and he explained to me, who doesn't He explained to me the beat.

I mean, he understood. He's a spretsatura it tastes maker.

He knows how to make every place really warm, and like he makes good hangs, you know, hangout spots.

But he explained to me why you never.

Have over ahead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier, you don't. Ever, you always have side lighting, always have sidelighting. So at my new house there is very little overhead lighting. It's all on the side.

Oh interesting.

Yeah, I was told if you have overhead lighting that the light needs to go up, that there sort of needs to this sconce needs to kind of hold the bulb in a.

Way so that it doesn't it's not putting down like a can light. It's or it's diffuse somehow.

That's a really disappointing story though, that you just shared from someone.

I mean, that really sucks. Sorry, that's horror lighting.

Yeah, I've had way worse you know, but but it was one of those It's just so, I mean, it's just random because I think that happened maybe ten years ago and I was just thinking about it this morning. So good haunts you, yeah, all the ways, and we try, I think, as women, to try to heal and grow and maturity, evolve all those things. It's like, at least for me, I find I'm I try things on like, oh, okay, I read about this thing or so and so told me this story, and so I'm going to see if

It didn't quite ban out. Now that's okay. It's good to know.

It's good to edit those people out of your life, no matter how they get edited out, you know what I mean.

That's okay.

What we did talk about when I was on your podcast was it felt like you were really curious about my relationship with my nieces and nephews and how to kind of not replicate that, but how to have that be more of I mean, it is a pretty big character in your life already, your niece and nephew, right, m hmm, yeah, yeah, but you and we discussed that I'm someone who's never wanted children. You actually did want

They bring so much joy, so much joy to my world. And I think it was I imagine you felt this way most people do. It is a shock the moment they're born, even though you haven't birthed them. It was, oh, I will get in front of a bus for this human being like our four, you know, or our ten that is already now an establishment. There is just this deep love and bond and I hope and I think I am a safe place for them to come and just

I just feel so I feel so lucky.

And probably the best thing I did as an auntie is get car seats. So that allowed me to have my own relationship with them, and you know, I get to help out a little. It makes it a little easier in moments for my brother and sister in law. But more importantly for me is I think we just developed our own routines. We develop our own experiences together that I know I look forward to and they look

Yeah.

So I speak about these three girls in my book that I call them Poopsiehoopsie and Oopsie in my book, and I'm able to apply this more to them than I am to my nieces and nephews. Although I do judge my nieces. I have more my nephews than my nieces. I have a lot of more latitude for women, obviously, but I really think like the lack of judgment, I think is such an important thing to bring to the table with relationship to children so that they can come

I could tell you anything.

I could tell my I know, I could say, she calls me father, She goes, I know, I could tell my father anything. I always tell you, you know, there's no judgment blah, blah, and it just made me feel like, oh, that is okay, that's something to focus on, you know, something that's been pointed out, and I want to get better at that. With all of my relationships children and adults.

Yeah, I mean, I have a very I've always had a very close relationship with one of my aunts, my mom's sister, my aunt Debbie, and I back when I was in my early twenties and was getting going to or needed to get a termination procedure and an abortion Harvey when I call it, I told her before I told my mom. You know, I didn't tell my mom until the night before, but my aunt felt like that safe space between a sister and a mom. And I have

Did you have aunts growing up?

Yes, I have an aunt that I'm pretty close to. She lives in California.

I have a whole set of cousins that live in La So I'm very close with that side of my family.

And my aunt is my.

Yeah, she's who I lived with when I moved out here when I was nineteen years old, and told me that I would have to lose weight if I ever wanted to become famous. And she then she denied that she ever said those words, and then we found it on in an act. She I would say a year after year after your after I became successful, I'd be like, see, you told me that I had to lose weight if I ever wanted to become famous. She was I never

Oh. I was like, yes, you fucking said it.

Yeah, it's just but I think there is something too about the way ants. Like I think about when I was in tenth grade and I wanted Duck Martins and people weren't really wearing Duck Martins very much yet, and I wanted to wear them with dresses, and people weren't really doing that yet. And even my mom was like, there's no way I'm buying you those shoes. And my aunt, you know, took me and bought me the shoes on Melrose, you know, I remember.

And so it was. She just had a way of and has a way. Still. We're still really close.

I stay with her often when I'm in New York, and you know, it's fun, it's great, but you know, I think just the different ways that I think she would see me, you know, and and also stretch those boundaries a bit.

I saw my first R rated film with her, you know.

So Texas is the special relationship I remember growing I had also I had one uncle.

I had a couple of great uncles too, actually, but.

Yeah, it is a very special relationship because I think about my nieces and nephews and they all have two aunts. Between my sisters, the three of us there, and we're all so different, you know, we all provide something completely different. And on that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Monica Lewinsky and we're back. We're back with Monica Lewinsky. We're going to take some emails or callers. Catherine, what do we have?

We actually have three callers, so we're going to try and get through, get to all three of them today, and then if we have two extra minutes, I have a quickie at the end, just an email. So our first caller is Jewels and she is in DC. She says, Dear Chelsea, thank you for all you do, your advocacy and your light. Seeing you at the Kennedy Center will always be one of my highlights. I'm a federal government

Who wouldn't.

I'm on a contract where I can't quit the federal government for another eight months without buying myself out, so I know I'll be here until I'm fired or things settle. The way things look, suppose my contract will terminate in January. Do you have any advice on how to cope with all this uncertainty and find joy in this chaos?

Thanks for being such a light in these wild times.

Jules Hi, Jules, Hi?

How are you?

This is our special guest Monica Lewinsky today.

Hi. Hello, how are you doing well? Thank you?

How are your other colleagues dealing with this? Do you work closely with a lot of other people?

Like?

Are there other people who are feeling the same the same way that you're feeling?

Yes, for sure, I think a lot of us, No matter what like organization you're in, it's kind of the same vibe.

People are pretty down.

Yeah, I understand. I feel you.

I feel like you know, we can all relate to feeling pretty down, especially now, regardless of what I mean. Obviously you're in a different situation with a government job. But I think the best way to so that all of the stuff that you're putting into your brain is not all related to what's happening with this administration is is kind of a goal, you know, Like I start my day either meditating or working out, without before I listen to any.

Podcast or the Daily or read my Politico.

Like, I just get up and I'm like, Okay, this is going to be a good day for me.

So whatever it takes to get you there.

I mean, if you have to get up and read a book for an hour to just put you in a different place, I would suggest trying to like create some different habits so that when you go into because work is going to be work, and that there's going to be people around you with that energy and everyone's going to kind of be commiserating and that's fine while you're there, but it shouldn't take over you. Like I always think about negativity as a component of your life,

I definitely try to make a separation when I get home, And honestly, one of the sliber lightnings is this is because we can't telework anymore. There now is like a distinction of like working home. So when I do get home, since I can't work, I do a workout, try to get my mind off things to like have a reset, do like walks things like that. So I do appreciate that. I feel like I wasn't just like a slump, especially for the first.

You know months where I was just.

Like kind of in my own like little cave. So I'm emerging now to like do things that bring me more joy, like seeing friends being more active. It's spring now, so like just yeah saying hell sun is that?

Yeah?

Totally no.

I mean the season alone is a reason to be happier. It's like it's more upbeat. Everything you're saying is great. I think you should really like do that for yourself as an assignment. You know, when there when an hour or two goes by, when I don't think about the administration or the government.

That's a home run.

Like if I can get through an hour or two and go to a dinner and it doesn't come up and I'm not thinking about it, I'm like, Okay, mission accomplished. It doesn't need to be ten hours of the day that you're not thinking about it. You just need a break from the constant.

Yeah, yeah, that's that's really a point.

Thank you.

And also really try and find some books that you can escape to. Like books to me are myself always Monica.

Do you feel that.

I mean, I think we've spoken about that, right, Yes, how important it is to have. Like this is a new book that I want to recommend. Also, it's called The Mirror and the Palette. My friend gave it to me, and it's fucking amazing. It's about female history and it's all about like it's just such an inspiring Like every time I read that, I choose to read that rather than to watch the news or read the news. I give myself an hour a day to read a book.

Just immersed, immerse immersed immersed in.

It, I was like, Okay, you have to do something differently, and that's why I decided to do that.

Every day.

I'm like, I have to read for one hour every day. I'm not on my phone. I want to think about something else. I want to have my brain stimulated in a different way. So I think you just have to really figure out what those things are. If you're not a reader, force yourself to fucking read, like you will get into it. Just find a book that's great and you will get into it. Start with this book. It's gonna be fascinating to any woman. So it's called The

I do.

I don't know if this would resonate with you at all, but I'm very impacted by the aesthetic of my environment or pretty pretty things or cute things, just things that make me smile, And so I will go out and I'll get some new mugs. I know it sounds so dumb, but it's like one of the things you're doing in the morning is I'm making my coffee when I open the cabinet and there's this, you know, a mug that

You know, so I just got a set of mugs.

Someone sent me a set of coffee mugs of me skiing and my bikini with my dog on my back, and I was like, oh my.

God, what a great gift. So cute. You know.

Also, writing, if you're a writer spending an hour a day writing, I would just seriously carve out an hour of your day that's not socializing, that's not with anyone else, that's doing something like specifically that feeds your soul and it should be something whether it's like I mean, for me it's a reading a book, but for whatever that means for you to just really be diligent about that, especially now when when when so much of our time is taken up and attention is taken up with you

Also, do you have a bathtub?

I do?

Yeah, I would you know something that's maybe a little less having to do because I might. I'm listening to Chelsea and I'm like, Wow, you're so disciplined, Chelsea.

So I'm so impressed by you.

And I'm like, I'm lazy compared to that, or I would figure out a way to not do that. But I take baths a lot as a way to and I make a ritual of it, and that sometimes can can help to I mean, your mind can wander to the dark places.

But and just the idea of in saying to yourself, repeating to yourself that you want to be positive, that you want to be optimistic, you know, finding optimism in the dark is a skill set like that we have to we have to work on.

And and fine tune.

But it is an important quality and it's also contagious, you know, when you can really find optimism within dark times, you can also help other people feel better. So that's something to think about as well.

Thank you that that makes a lot of sense. I didn't think of it in that light. So that's that's a really good perspective. So yeah, I appreciate it.

Okay, cool, Thank you so much for calling in.

And stay strong, stay strong during this fucking fiasco we're living through.

Well, thank you. Thank you for your time and the advice. I really appreciate it.

And if you want to cheer yourself up, you know, all these judges are ruling against Trump every left right, So there's that's joyful. George Santos is going to prison for six years.

That's fun. Yes, you know what I mean, there's some good news happening.

I didn't hear that news. When did that come out?

Oh yeah, it came out the other day.

He's got it sentenced to seven seven six or seven years in prison.

Yes.

I did a little PSA about it because I was so excited about the good news. I was like I could use some So, I mean, sure, Trump will probably end a partying camp, but who gives a shit, you know what I mean?

At this time there.

There is a gal who's on TikTok. It's Amanda's Mild Takes, which I think is a hilarious name on TikTok. But she talks about like all the things that are actually going right, So like take a look there. She she's got some good stuff to say. Yeah, Amanda's mild Takes great. All right, thank you so much, Jules, thank you, Hi, Jules.

Bye.

It's also a good reminder to sort of like leave work at work, Like these are the sorts of things I think that probably are or keeping her up at night, and she's roiling about them. But you know, something that helps me sometimes if there's like something stressful or I'm like worried about something is saying like, oh, I'm off the clock for that right now, whether it's like a work thing, a family thing, whatever.

Like I actually don't need to be thinking about that right now. I'm off the clock. I'm like it in bett it's four in the morning.

Yeah, there is something nice to be like said about being so divorced from your work like that you really just don't care anymore about your job.

It's just a paycheck.

Yeah, what I mean, it's better than having to bring your work home with you, you know, because at this point that's what it is, is a paycheck. How can she be passionate about something that's being threatened, you know, right right?

Well, hopefully we were some help to her. I don't know.

Yeah, no, I think that was very helpful.

Okay, all right.

Well our next caller is Jeremy. He says, Dear Chelsea, he's having a really tough time. I'm a forty three year old gay man, and I've recently had the hardest year of my life. A year ago, I lost my dog of sixteen years. Two months ago I lost my mother, who was my best friend, and three weeks later, my partner of three years left me. I feel like I've lost everything this year, no kids and no parents.

How do I keep going? What's the fucking point? Jeremy?

Hi?

Hi, Jammy, Hey, not too bad? How are you?

Oh?

Hi?

This is our special guest Monica Lewinski's here with us today.

Hi, Hi, Hi.

I'm so sorry to hear about all of the things that you've lost.

Thank you.

While you want to honor obviously losing your mother, losing your dog, losing your relationship, but I would say a you got a good run out of that dog for sixteen years.

That's that's pretty incredible.

Yeah.

And how old was your mom when she passed away?

She was only sixty five.

Oh, so she was on the.

Younger side yea. And were you able to be with her when she died?

No?

And I think that's the hardest thing for me. Uh huh, not being able to say goodbye.

Right, Okay, Well, on that front, everything you're describing with what's happening, I know you probably feel. I know how you feel because you just in your letter, But I want you to think about this as like a rebirth, you.

Know what I mean. Monica has a podcast called Reclaiming.

We've been talking a little bit about Reclaiming before we got on the phone with you. And anytime something like this happens, where there's a run of events in your life that leave you feeling more and more alone, I truly believe it is a sign for you to wake up and have a rebirth and reclaiming your life. And it doesn't feel like that you want to do that

Is that an accurate assessment.

It's pretty accurate.

Yeah.

And I want to tell you this is not like this is a This is a huge opportunity for you to grow and for you to heal and for you to grieve and all of those things can happen at.

The same time.

Yeah.

And so what are you doing to.

Take care of yourself during the situation, during this time, and and like how are you getting through? Do you have a therapist? Like what's your what's your process?

Okay, yeah, I've been I'm even being with my therapist.

I've been connecting with the nature as much as possible, which is which seems to be helping.

I'm going to Greece in a week for two weeks.

Great, that's really awesome.

I'm trying.

It's just you have these moments where you just feel so lost and empty, you know, without my mom.

That's the hardest part.

Well, I also want you to look at your mother in a different way, like your mother's energy is not gone. Your mother's energy is around you you. You feel free to speak to her, feel free to talk to her, feel free to know that she's coming to Greece with you, you know what I mean, engage with her like she's around you, because she is. I firmly believe that I

That has been so meaningful to me. And you can do the same exact thing.

Yeah, Yeah, I'm really trying.

To allow yourself to grief. It's okay, It's absolutely okay. You've lost three really important people in your life. That is massive, but it's also it's also an opportunity for you to like look ahead and see how you want to go through this grief and what you want to do on the other side of it. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want your life to look like? Can you answer a couple of those questions?

Yeah, I mean, I I want to be in a loving relationship.

I want to travel more.

You're already doing that by going to Greece for two weeks.

Yeah.

You know, one of the things I didn't tell you too, is, you know, my mom had had a couple of strokes that left are paralyzed for the past eight years, and I was also her caretaker, which I think was also hard for me because you know, I don't have children, and I don't want children, and it was like the universe gave me a child taking care of my mom. And I'm so grateful I had that time with her

Right, So, but these are all things that you did that you were wonderful to do. Being able to take care of your mother is like, that's a privilege and you were able to experience that. So instead of focusing on the fact that you weren't there when she actually died, focus on the fact that you were there so many

And she's with you, you know what I.

Mean, say hello and bring her with you, talk to her all day long, you know, especially during this breakup that you're experiencing, Like you can talk to your mother about this, and I assume that she's listening, because I really believe she is. And know that this is a period of time in your life and this is not permanent.

Yeah right, You're absolutely right.

This is a transition, and so just honor the transition you're going through. But keep your eyes up towards the sky. Don't be a victim, Like, don't lay down and go I can't take any more.

You can.

You've taken all of this on and now it's time to move through it and kind of lift yourself up out of it. And I think this vacation degrease for two weeks is going to be exactly what you need, you know. I think that's going to be like use that as a starting point, Like, Okay, this trip is the beginning of the rest of my life. So how do I want to live the rest of my life and write down all the things that you want out of life? Write them down, read them. Every single day

I know what's going to happen for you.

I really hope so Yeah.

To use another tool from Chelsea's toolbox. Maybe you don't call it a gratitude journal, but like writing down one thing, even if it's only one thing every day that brings you a small amount of joy, can help you remember that, Like in every day there is even if it's like this cup of coffee is so good, you know, as many things as you come to throughout the day, writing those down so that you have that to look back on and have that present in your mind, like here

Another fun another is not fun, sorry, wrong word, but another nice thing to do about someone when they've passed away is to take time each day to honor that person and to think of write down one of your favorite memories or what your most meaningful interactions with your mom, What either when she was dying or when you were young, or something that happened growing up, whatever is meaningful, Like if you take that time in the morning and do that to honor her, and it's kind of a nice

Yeah, I totally agree with that.

Yeah, me, is there a reason.

Is Greece significant for you or did you have this trip planned for a long time.

I've been wanting to go, and me and my partner are going to go, And when the deaf day after we broke up, I was like, you know, fuck it, I am going to Greece. The next morning, I was like, I booked the trip. I planned everything out. It was a good distraction for me for a week just planning all the details. I also, I direct high school theater too, and I we did Mam and Mia this year and Greece was you know, mom.

And me, it takes place in Greece. Yeah, yeah, so we Uh, I was like, why not go to Greece?

Fun? Where are you going to Greece?

I fly to Athens and then I'm going to make no st two nights, Perils for two nights, and then Creep for six nights.

Oh fun, I'm going to all those places too.

Really at the stage.

For me, will you?

I definitely will for sure.

Set the stage for my arrival.

But I'm glad you're taking this trip and I can hear the sadness in your voice, and I just remember, this is not a permanent situation. This is a moment in time in your life and you're handling it well. I'm glad you called in and I have very high hopes for your future as as you should too.

Thanks, Chelsea, I really appreciate it.

Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome.

Have the best trip, Thank you, and go hook up with some random guys.

Okay, yeah that sounds good.

Okay, Okay, all right, thanks again, bye, Okay, take bear bye bye bye.

There's no better answer to when you're with someone and they break up you with you or your relationship ends and you take the trip anyway, That's always the answer is to go on the trip anyway.

Well, let's take a break and we'll come back with Home.

Okay, great, Well we'll be right back.

And we're back with Monica Lewinsky, who is the host of her new podcast called Claiming.

So Jen is writing in the subject of her email as ghosted for being pregnant, Dear Chelsea. I worked with a woman for nearly seven years in a very grueling and demanding workplace. Over the years, we became best friends. She hung out with me and my husband, became an aunt to our puppies, and was one of my closest confidants. Once I left that workplace and she moved to another state,

At the time.

She had a much larger circle of friends than I did, so her time was definitely in high demand, but we maintained a close friendship. Then last year I got pregnant. She was so happy for me and even said she'd be an aunt to my child. We had two planned visits early that year that I had to cancel due to a first bout of COVID and then in an emergency VET stay for my pup. She said she understood,

Well.

Nothing ever came, and I never heard from her again.

I also didn't reach out because I was late in my second trimester and had a scary car accident that complicated my pregnancy. I was pretty hurt that she stopped talking to me, especially knowing I was pregnant and dealing with a lot. Now over a year has passed and I have a beautiful baby girl. I still think about this friend and wonder why she stopped talking to me.

Hi?

Hi?

Good?

How are you guys?

That's our special guest Monica Lewinsky's with us today.

Yeah, nice to meet you, Nice to meet you.

I would let it go. I would let the friendship go. I would say, you kind of have your answer. You know, some people don't really realy does this woman have any children?

Sounds like she's single and child free, right single.

Yeah, some people just don't respond or react well when their friends get pregnant, Like they don't want to be in that scene. Like I've seen it happen, you know, and I've seen it happen to friends and stuff.

Like, some people just don't want to be involved in that.

And if she really did care or was interested, you would have heard from her at this point. Also, because you said you have a nice circle of friends. I would focus on that. I always like to focus where the light is not. You know, you're not going to

That's what I think, Monica, what do you think?

Well?

I agree with you is on the focusing on your circle of friends that you have now, which is great because friends are so important, and I think as we get older it can be harder and harder to cultivate new friends, so you know, that's an important place to

And so I just what I.

Kind of wanted to interject into this is is maybe holding some space for what she might be experiencing because it may have and I know you're hurt. I hear that's what you're saying. You clearly really care still about this person, because you took the time to write this note, and so I just I wonder what happens if you just sort of open it up about not to dismiss your feelings of having been hurt by what happened, but by opening the perspective of if you try to step

Good point, Monica, very good point.

I forget that, you know.

So it just it just cause I've been I've been that person. I don't know that I ghosted someone per se, but I certainly pulled back, and sometimes it even felt embarrassing, like I couldn't even say to that person, well, I'm jealous, you know, that's all.

I'm happy for you, but I'm jealous.

And so I also feel like it could just be, you know, with a couple of canceled visits, maybe she felt like, oh, maybe Jenn doesn't have enough time for me at this point in her life. I almost feel like, like you said, maybe she's not super self aware. I could see myself in this position just not having reached out and like not realizing the hurt that I had caused, you.

Know, so maybe there. I mean, if you do reach out, I.

Wouldn't necessarily assume that she's upset with you or doesn't want to talk to you ever. Again, I mean, if you do feel like you need to reach out, I would just kind of be cheerful and say hey, and how are you?

Maybe for her birthday without saying where you know, like where have you've been from something?

Right, yeah, a year ago?

Just reach out in a general friendly way, like, hey, I was thinking about you, how are you?

What's going on? That's kind of more, you know, I.

Don't know about everyone else here, but I have And I don't know how old you are. You look quite young, so but I'm fifty one and at this point in my life, I've now had friendships that ebb and flow, and I've had every everything across the spectrum from you sort of have to have the conversation in order to

Yeah, no, that's helpful, I think, I you know, I am curious. And also at the time it was such a meaningful friendship. Now that I have so much, my life is so full, it's just overflowing with good things. I don't necessarily feel like it has to be that same thing if we were to reconnect, It doesn't need to be this huge, tremendous, meaningful friendship. But there is still value and care there for me clearly that the hurt is still showing up. So yeah, that's that's helpful

You also don't need as much from her at this point, you know, right, Well, do you feel like you have a path forward?

John, Yeah, I think that's helpful.

Thank you guys.

Oh, thanks Jen, thanks for calling in.

Yeah, thanks for having me. Thanks, take care.

Okay, girls, we did it again.

Another episode of Dear Chelsea wrapped up problem solve, left, right, and center. Some serious phone calls today. I think we handled it well girls. Monica, thank you. Everyone can tune into Monica's podcast Reclaiming anywhere you listen to your podcast.

It's a wondery podcast, though. I do want to shout out wondery.

And it's on YouTube too, right, it's on YouTube exactly.

Thank you, Yes, yes, yes, nice lighting on that podcast. I have to say that, very nice lighting. I saw myself. I was like, ooh, how do.

We Yeah, it looked gorgeous, Darling.

Well, thanks for coming into studio even though I wasn't here.

I know you owe me girl. Next year, Chelsea, you'll be somewhere else, we'll be here. Well all we're pink and perfect. Much love to you, love you, love you, take care bye.

Okay.

My remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.

Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com