Welcome to Couples Counseling with Chelsea hand Job. I'm here with my friends. Yeah yeah and.
Sam okay, welcome back, yeah yeah and Sam yeah yeah.
Okay.
So you want to spend more time on the road because you want to get back to your creative roots.
Tell me more about that, because I can relate to that very much.
I just need to be doing comedy for me and I need to be by myself with this for a little while.
I've gone through some stuff, I've lost some people.
I've just been in a bit of a tumultuous space and I kind of just needed some space to reconnect with it for me and just realign myself, realign the reasons why I'm doing it, realign my goals, realign what I want out of it. You know that kind of requires personal time, and that's hard to do when you have your partner on the road. It just you know that that requires another piece of yourself to be attentive and be caring, and I just don't want to, at
least when it comes to comedy. I don't want to have to consider anybody else in this space for a while.
Mm hmm. That's very well put. I mean I can relate to that. How does that make you feel?
I'm okay with it because I respect her as an artist, So whatever she needs from me as a partner, I'm able to try to accommodate and do for her. When we were on the road together through the first Special, which was great, but it was just like I understood where she was at the time, so it was good to be on the road with her and help her develop that. And now she's in a space creatively where she needs to be isolated and get back to the grind of it. So I just have to respect that
because she's an artist. So who am I to be like, no, bitch, I'm coming.
Well, a lot of people would be like that. A lot of people who aren't don't understand that.
No, I mean I understand it, and I respect her more than an artist. I respect her as a person. So if my person is telling me this is what she needs, who am I to be like, no, bitch, I'm coming anyway?
Like I'm not.
I'm not going to do that.
And plus I don't work, so that's what she needs to do to get the money, girl, go outside to go get it. So I'm gonna sit my ass tell Me says.
This week we're looking for questions from writers. Are you an author or an aspiring writer, or maybe you're a different kind of artist and have questions about the creative process or inspiration or motivation right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
When your most recent special came out on Max, how did that affect you? The success of that or being recognized more, and how did it affect both of you?
I mean, it was like a little two fold thing. Like it definitely was like, Okay, I'm getting recognized more. There's this reception, but then there's also this piece of view this it's never fully what you want, I guess, or at least I haven't hit whatever that is career rise where I'm like, yeah, this is how I wanted it, this is how I thought it was going to be,
you know. So there's parts of it that was just wildly frustrating still and I think a lot of it too is I'm two specials in now, so it's also just like all right, what's next? You know, like these kind of goals are being knocked off, and I don't think because I was just running and running and running, I don't think I spent any time trying to figure out really what I wanted next, Like I haven't done a five year plan and years, you know, I haven't really sat down and just assessed.
Goals in a long time.
I've just been doing the thing and doing the thing and doing the thing, and things have kind of just been happening. So I think it's also in a space where as much as I like all that shit, it feels like this there's stuff coming to me, but I'm not even sure if it's things that I want or I'm just doing them because there are things that are coming. And so that's another piece that I got to get a handle back on, like what do you want right now?
Like what are you trying to actually achieve?
Yeah, I'm interested to see how you view that. What do you think about watching her go through that.
I can't lie In the beginning, it was difficult to see her now, I don't want to say struggling with it, but going through about where she was at a place where she was just trying to figure it out again, because she's always so strong and always so headstrongly, she knows, she always knows what direction she wants to go to, So to see her be a little down and confused, especially after losing her best friend and stuff like that.
It just was it was hard for me to see her go through it, But I just want to support in the best way that I can.
You sound very therapized, Yeah, y'all in a good way. Oh, I'm very thoughtful. Everything you say is like you've spoken to someone else about it almost.
Well, yeah, we speak to our therapist and we also speak to each other. Yeah.
I think that that's the biggest thing, is just trying to because I'm not the best communicator, so especially when it comes with Sam and she's so she's such a good.
Communicator because that's just what she does.
So I think that with her, it's just like trying to empathize and show her like I hear what she's saying, or I'm trying to hear her knees in the same way she can reciprocate it to me.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think it's a struggle for a lot of people when they get success that you've wanted for so long and you get it plus with the other things that are happening in your life, obviously that has a major impact. And even without that, it's an adjustment right, like to become what you wanted to be. And then like I was watching Jlo's recent documentary it's called The Greatest Love Story Never.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you watched that.
Yeah I did.
I'm interested in what j Loo is up to. Always it was what you think it was. Okay, I wouldn't say watch it, but I had to see what you want to know you to see it in that it is revealed, not that we didn't know this about j Loo, because we could have drawn our own conclusion or conjecture based on her behavior alone. She there's an insatiableness to her. She will never be stated, it will never be enough, there will never be success, a movie big enough, an
award big enough, an Oscar. It's just and even Ben Affleck in the movie says she'll never be satisfied. And I always like, I remember when Gerrod Carmichael kind of started to get really recognized and he had an issue with it, like you know, he in away for a while to be away from it.
Happened to Dave Chappelle, it happens to a lot of comics.
And it's interesting to talk about, I think, because it's like, what is it?
Yeah, yeah, and when will it be not for any of us?
Yeah? Yeah? And what does enough look like?
You know?
And at least what you what do you want?
You know?
I think that's really what it is. It's like what do I want?
And then also just being confronted with this level of glass ceiling and this level of like, you know, Okay, I'm achieving all these things on this level, but I'm starting to understand that as a black lesbian there's just some shit that's in the way, you know what I mean, And like also how to navigate that and still chase this thing, you know what I mean, Like just trying to find all those those good balances and pieces of mind for myself so that when I step into this shit,
like I got the right fucking mental.
Headspace, that you're in the right headspace.
Yeah yeah, but it's not easy.
I mean, I think she's being very like, uh generous with herself in this moment because I know for sure that like something it hurts her sometimes and not be able to be with me, and like I went and did the roast on my own, and I was like, you know, I just need space to just go do what the stuff is. I gotta do, and I know for her that was hard to not be there for a moment, you know what I mean, and not be
able to share in that moment and be present. So it's not like in that She's not like sacrificing something.
I guess.
No, I mean it sounds like you have really good communication like I wouldn't even sometimes.
I mean, that's pretty awesome. Just came from therapy.
Yeah, I know I should have all of our have all of our couple of counseling just come from their real therapists.
Does par in.
Better shape than the counselor which is me? No, you're a great therapy. I'm not do giving therapy. I'm just letting you.
I want to hear what your issues and dynamics are because everybody who listens, we have such a variety of listeners, and like everybody likes to hear other people's stories. I know when I hear something that sounds similar to something I went through, I'm always like, oh, okay, okay, that's not uncommon.
It's kind of like you know, when you get advice.
I hate this quality about myself, but I do it all the time when I especially with men, Like I'm like oh, I show them to a bunch of different people to get everyone's reaction, you know, and if everyone's into it, then I'm into it.
Yeah.
And if they're kind of grossed out by him, I'm grossed out by him. And that's really not the kind of personality. I'm not a follower in that way. I mean, it's like when you go around and you ask somebody their advice on your problem, and you keep getting different advice, and then your advice just changes to whatever the last fucking thing you heard was, and then you're like, who the fuck am I?
Like, what do I even think? So I just I don't know.
It falls into that category of kind of philosophizing for me. I'm sure you've seen a lot of your friends go through the same thing. And it's not necessarily the fame aspect. It's success.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, some of this is like in business and all different types of walks of life and work. It's just success in managing it and managing yourself within it, you know what I mean. Growing up too, I'm a whole different person than when I started, you know, with a whole different mind, So you know that's also a part of it.
Yeah, you have a big brain. I like it. I thank you a big brain.
Thank you.
It's nice to talk to people who are fucking intelligent. I mean it's like I got stoned on my way here because I knew I was gonna have to deal with this annoying driver.
My driver had a situation.
And I was like, oh, I better get stone just in order to deal with someone that I don't know, and I'm going to be in a close space with them, Like I have to set the tone so that I'm in a more playful mood because my natural disposition is like any time of the car is my alone time.
Like I don't like that too, So I don't. So this is what I don't understand, Chelsea.
You always come at me like I'm some type of crudgeon, but I feel like we're very much the same.
Well, I'm a little bouncier than you are.
I'm bouncing around.
You're kind of like you walk into a room and it's like you don't know which way.
It's gonna go if you're not if you don't know you, I don't know what everyone to have like like you do have. It's a less playful energy.
But I'm not keep telling people that she's not I have to warn people like, no, she's nice, she's cool, she's not mad, like people think she's mad on set people, I.
Find that, So you know what it is? People are so goddamn needy.
I agree.
People are so goddamn needy that if you walk in a room and you're just chilling, it's like they require energy, and it's like, ny, why I'm not doing anything but sitting down. I'm just chilling, I'm seeing what's coming, I'm hanging out. If it turns into a good conversation about this, I'm in.
I'm down.
But it's like this need people have to be affirmed by other people and immediately to be able to sit in a fucking space. I just I swear I've never been that way. I've never given the fuck about house when I entered the room, I've never even thought about like how unless enter unless it was like actually hostility, like who want to fight?
Then I'm like, whoa bro? Bro? Why is he? Why is he on that time? But like other than that, it's just so weird to me.
Well, that's as perfect time to say goodbye to Sam and yahya for a minute, because I don't want you to leave until we come back and talk about your finances and how you relate to each other on that end.
Okay, so we can end on a lighter note.
The therapy note. Another may be no.
You can check out Sam Jay who is on tour now in cities all over the country and she's fucking funny. If you haven't seen her on The Roast or on her own special, then go watch both of those her specials on HBO Max now known as Max. And then you can follow Yahya at Vanity dot Vixen on Instagram and TikTok and it is worth the follow because she's up to some well shenanigans. I mean, you'll understand what I'm talking about.