Is OnlyFans Cheating? with Anna Roisman

Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea.

Hi, he just had beautiful three days of skiing love Doug.

Doug is in doggy daycare.

My friend told me about this dog walker and she's like, oh, yeah, she's great. I send my dog once a week. And so the dog walker came over to my house and I'm.

Like, how many days are possible? She's like, we do it seven days a week.

I'm like, I'll take five. He needs a lot of fucking exercise, this dog. And he is such a moose. He's like my sister said, it's a cross.

Between a gorilla and I. I was a lion.

I've got a lions, like a full lions man.

I know, he's so funny looking. Oh my god. So now I'm training him. I am training him.

I have a parenting coach, I have a dog walker, and I'm also taking parenting classes with my friend for her kids.

It takes a village, Chelsea. So I am literally deep in.

I don't know what has happened in my life, but I'm learning a lot and a lot of really good stuff about parenting in case I ever have to parent a vagabond, which apparently I do.

Yeah, I mean, the thing is a tired dog is a good dog, so getting him in playdates and everything, that's perfect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's very friendly.

She said, he's very She sent me a text to dog Walker and she said he is one of the most compassionate, compassionate, caring dogs I've ever met. And I'm like, what a funny thing to say about a dog compassionate? How did he just demonstrate that compassion.

Whose soul is in him? He must be an old time I don't know. Maybe it's my mom. She's got No, it's definitely not my mom. She wouldn't be like that.

But anyway, it's pretty cute and Bertice is really perking up. She tries to play with him and then she like barks at him, and it's pretty cute.

They have a nice relationship and it'll keep changing too.

It's like they say, like the first three days the dog is like adjusting. The first three weeks, they're like getting to know whoever else is in the house. In the first three months, like after three months they're sort of like in the home. And you know, even today, like Mimsy and Wendell are like snuggling and they just started doing that.

This week and it's just lovely. That is cute.

Yeah, so yeah, I had a full house this weekend in Whistler. I had about nine people sleeping out my house, and my house doesn't really fit nine people, so it was close quarters and fun and a lot of my friends I have just kid It's like a daycare here. There's just kids running through my house all the time. It's so funny.

But you love a.

Teenager, and you know what, teenagers I think love you too, because you're not afraid to talk about this stuff like their parents won't talk about with them anyway.

So I have shows this weekend, That's what I'm doing. I have a show tonight in Saskatoon, so I'm heading out soon. And then I have a show tomorrow night in Winnipeg, Canada. And then we added another Sydney show, we added another Vancouver show Awesome, and we're adding a bunch of shows.

Yeah.

Well, Los Angeles has floated away over the last several days.

That's what's happening over here. Was it really bad?

The river at the La River is like a monster. It's crazy, and apparently a lot of parts in the valley are totally flooded.

Oh god, I don't know it. It would rain for a week last week, so there was no skiing here. Now it's sunny, but it's like an ad for climate change. The mountain it's so bear and you're like, I mean, you can ski, but it's like it's not what it's supposed to be.

So yeah, it's a bummer. Anyway.

We have a very funny guest on the show today. She's a comedian. She's a hot mess. I met her on Instagram as I meet all my young lovers, and you should follow her because she does a really good impersonation of Chris Jenner. That's how I first found her. But she does a lot of impersonations. Her name is Anna Roysman. Hi, Anna, Hi, Where are you Anna?

I'm in New York.

Oh is this where you hail from New York?

I hail from Philadelphia, but yeah, I'm in New York mostly.

Right now, Catherine, I don't know if you're familiar with Anna and in the way that I am, but I found her. I discovered her because she does these ridiculous impersonations of the Kardashians. Ye, well, of Chris Well, Chris really Jenna, right, is the one that from the Kardashians do you do all of them or do you just Chris.

I just do Chris. I could probably do the other ones.

But yeah, well you do a lot of you do Steve from Sex and the City do a lot of other impersonations too. But what caught my eye was the Chris jenneral one because I forwarded it to Chris Jenner.

I was like, have you seen this fucking girl? You look like an asshole?

I died.

I know, I flew across the country as her, which was psychotic.

That's really really funny. But you do a great impersonation. And I like any impersonations of all the because there's so many TikTok Instagram impersonations of all the Kardashians and some are obviously cream of the crop.

So kudos to you, Anna, And I know you're a comedian. I saw you at my one of my shows at the Beacond.

We met there, yes, which was so fun. I was a killer show.

Ah, thank you.

So you're a comic and I'm just learning about you and I want to learn more about you.

Thanks.

First of all, I'm so honored to be on here, and I just have to say when you shared that Chris Jenner video.

Last year, I.

Was in like my darkest time ever and I literally said to my Boyfri and I'm gonna I'm gonna just i wanna go to the airport as Chris.

Like she would never fly a commercial. This will be so funny.

And then I obviously thought I'd do it for like twenty minutes, and I stayed in it the whole flight. And then you shared it and I was like it was worth it.

He wanted to kill me. We're like on the plane and I'm wigged and I'm like, excuse me, I have to.

Go to the bathroom. Like I'm like walking down the aisles. And when you shared it, I was like I cried. I was just like, oh my god. So many people were so nice to me. They were like, I don't know you did this, blah blah blah.

So thank you. You really picked me up at a bad time.

Oh well, I'm happy to listen. Every time we're in a dark place. This has happened to me so many times in my life. A stranger literally will come out of the fucking sky and tell you how much you mean to them, or do something that lifts you up. That is like the way the world works like the universe has your back. Like just when you think you're not you don't have it anymore, someone will say you changed my life, or you did this or did do that. So you always have to pay attention to those things.

It to be or not.

Yeah, it's so true.

Do you like when people come up to you out of the blue and they're like, you know, when you're out to dinner or something and they stop you.

I mean, I don't mind.

I don't really care as long as people don't ask me to get up when I'm like seated at a dinner table like I once had a guy, like I've had many guys do this, go come over here. It's like like I'm a prostitute or something. I mean, that's not even okay for a prostitute.

Really.

It's it's like, why would I get up for my dinner with my fucking family when I'm spending to go take a.

What do you think I work for you? It's just so stupid.

Yeah.

The other thing is when people try to take pictures in bathrooms.

I try to deter people from that behavior, but I do find that it's always.

A nice message.

When you're feeling down or something bummed you out, or you heard something you didn't like about yourself, there's always a reinforcement right around the corner to validate you and tell you like you are loved. That is happening all the time in my life right now, so I'm very attuned to it. So I would advise you to pay attention to those things too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I had a guy who once messaged me on Instagram after I'd be like, I just saw you walking around New York and I didn't say hi because you were much shorter than I thought you'd be.

I was like, Okay, one of the dumbest things people say to you, you're so small everyone, You're so small in person.

I'm like, I'm sorry that that thank you.

I think I think thank you, or you're so much prettier. You're so much prettier in person.

I love that one. And you're like, Akay, how.

Big and ugly was I online for you? On a screen?

For you?

I know? I know?

So what's your story? Anna? Tell me?

Like how you got into comedy and like what you want to do and where you're headed?

I mean, how I got into comedy. It's funny.

I grew up thinking i'd be a very serious Broadway actress, like.

Will you look like you could be a veterinarian a doctor? Like you look like a more serious person than you are.

Thank you.

It's the glasses, you know, and they gave me a complex. When I first started auditioning, my agents literally would say like, hey, so this one they actually want someone funny, so make sure you wear your glasses.

And I was like the Tina fe effect, like what I was like.

And then they'd be like, actually, they're looking for a pretty girl, so if you could just wear contacts for this audition, And.

Then I'd be like, who am I?

They do that much to your face? No, I thought i'd be a Broadway actress. I moved to New York City and I was like, they're waiting for me. I am I am a singer.

I am here. I think the first sign should have been I didn't go to college for musical theaters, so, like you know, I.

Went for TV production and I wrote a lot and I did theater, but I didn't like study it. My parents were like, wait, why do you have to go to the college, just saying we don't need that's that's not a real degree.

And then I meant.

I went to New York and everyone was like trained, and I was like, oh shit, I'm not.

I'm not one of these.

Like no one else wore like a leather jacket and sneakers to this audition.

They're all in like character shoes and like dresses. And I felt so out of place. And I started taking classes at UCB, and I like met some cool.

People and I was like, oh, these are like more people like me, you know, a room full of people who start in their high school theater and then.

Moved to New York thinking they'd be a star, and they're in an improv class.

I don't know.

It's funny how so many of us think like wait till I get like. That's how I felt when I moved to LA when I was nineteen I was like, wait till they see me.

I was like, wait until everybody gets alone to this. I know, like so delusional, but also you know, kind of not. It's kind of nice to think that highly of yourself.

You need to be delusional to do something like that.

To move to one of us exactly, you have to be like, I'm not gonna be the biggest star.

Whatever the fuck you think you're doing.

I mean, my goalposts are always like moving based on what I'm doing, because I really have no long term plan. I'm always just very in the moment, like, oh, what looks like fun this year?

But I like that. I like that Hubris?

Yeah right?

And how are you finding Like let's talk about the industry and like being a woman and being a comedian and having all of these things, like how have you found your way in?

How old are you? I'm old?

I'm thirty seven.

Okay, well I'm forty eight, So why don't you shill that fuck up?

Wait?

I listened to ze Way's episode and I was like, should I just say nineteen?

Like she's gonna ask me, should I just say it?

I never said what about ze Way? What a bitch? See Way?

I was like Seaway, You're a fucking asshole. She lied to me about her age a hook line and sinker. By the way, I fucking fell for it.

I was like, I usually know bullshit, but I was like, I don't know. And I was sober that day.

I wasn't even Stone Catherine, So what's It's almost like when I'm sober, I'm at a disadvantage, you know what I mean, Like for me to level up, I've got to either have an edible or a cocktail.

I love it, but yeah, ze Way.

For everyone listening, she was our guest and she said she was nineteen, and I believed her, and then we share the same manager. So afterward I was like, I can't believe zee Way's nineteen, and she's like she's not.

You idiot. Of all the people she could have lied to, you took it.

I was like, Oh, she would have gotten her showtime show at like six, started writing at like thirteen.

Yeah, I know, Well, kudos to her forgetting, for being believable. You know, you gotta give credit get beautiful.

I did think i'd be that successful by nineteen, you know. I was like, there's no way I'm going to be an adult and I'm.

Not like rich yet.

And here I remember I remember having this age line, and I remember I used to look at how old Jennifer Aniston was when she got friends because that was my age threshold, like and she was thirty two, I believe.

So I remember going like, okay, I haven't until thirty two.

Because I waited tables for like seven or eight years, and I was very I was good at it, but I was, you know, a big bitch, so a lot of people, you know, there was a lot of arguments and confrontations.

I was the worst server too. I did it for seven years.

I was fine with the service and like being effective and like quick and I could remember everything.

I just didn't want the human interaction, like the people were like.

I was just like, don't talk to me, you know what I mean, Like I'm gonna get your food, like, let's not get it twisted.

I would lie to the tables and they'd order a certain wine and if it wasn't a twist off, I'd be like.

Oh, I think we're like out of it.

I actually I recommend this one. They'd be like, you're supposed to upsell. I'm like, I just want to do the ones that twist off.

I really hate opening wine at the table.

I did the same thing at Chaia Brasserie in Venice, California. I couldn't open bottles of wine like I just would suck it up. So I told the staff at Chaia Venice that I was allergic to grapes, so that I wasn't allowed to serve fie. There is no grape allergy, like, no one has it. But I didn't know that, and neither does anybody else. Oh my god, see Way probably has it a grape allergy.

Actually she definitely does. Yeah, that's so funny.

It's like, I'm not going to bring a tray with a bottle and a bunch of glasses over and not fuck that up.

I'm not domesticated.

No, And I also would never pick up more than one plate at a time.

Yeah, when you come over a but take one plate and then come back five minutes later. So what has your experience back to that question, what has been your experience navigating this industry because it's a totally different medium than when I came up, Because you know, you're very well known from your social stuff, and it's different now, like it's not like you get fame necessarily for being on television.

Yeah, it's crazy. I started to feel that, like the video bug.

I feel like a long time ago when I first started doing stand up, which was like ten years ago, I guess, and I would do.

Shows and then there would be some shitty shows where.

I'm like, oh, they give me like six minutes all these fucking gross guys who have nothing nice do. They don't even like bring you up on stage properly. And I was like, or I could make a video and it could go viral on YouTube and that would be so funny and hundreds of thousands of people would see it instead of the twenty people at this comedy club in New York.

So, I don't know.

I started doing that like a while ago, and I loved it.

And then I guess I hosted a game show. I don't if you know this. I hosted a game show for three years that like changed my life.

No, what's it called.

It was called HQ Trivia. It was like on your phone and it was super popular. It was like twice a day it was live. Millions of people would tune in. We had like celebrities host like The Rock hosted, like it was. It was crazy and it was like four or five hundred thousand people a night playing this game that I would host, and it just ended.

Like a year and a half ago.

I came back in the Pandemic, but that was on an app and so like I was like posting every night about that, and then in the Pandemic, I just I accidentally did an impression and that went viral. It was an accident. I didn't plan it at all and it went kind of viral. And then the La Times called me a TikToker and I was like, oh my.

God, so much pressure. You're like tktok.

I know I didn't even I don't even know if I had to, I might have had like done a couple things on TikTok, but nothing major. And I was like, wow, I guess they didn't do their research. I'm just a TikToker to the La Times.

Now that's cool. And I just I leaned in, you know, I.

Started making more videos daily like a crazy person. You know the fact that my boyfriend hasn't left yet and he's filmed a lot of my videos is a blessing.

What's the story with your boyfriend? How long have you guys been together.

We've been together almost eight years.

Which oh, oh it was too long.

That's so long.

People gave up after your three or four They're like, why aren't you getting married yet?

Now they don't even that's not even a question.

You know you're not getting Are you not into the marriage?

I never cared. I was never obsessed with marriage. I never wanted kids. My mom is like, she's your hero, Chelsea's your hero, because.

Like I have nieces now, and I'm like, they think I'm the coolest person in the world, and I love that role.

And I'm like, I never wanted my own kids, you know.

I love being like, Okay, good night, bye, now your parents deal. Yeah, So my boyfriend and I and that was something I told him straight up. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I had gotten out of a breakup and it was like a couple of years of me just I was like the forty year old virgin again.

Like it was so fun being single.

Because I was with someone for eight years from like college to twenty seven.

So you're you're you're you like long term relationships, I guess. Yeah, it's nice though.

It's refreshing to hear that, like, you know, so many young girls are like girls that are younger than me, that are being honest about out what they want with marriage and children, and like actually identifying it is such an empowering and powerful thing to know and recognizing yourself what you want, because I think that's such an issue for so long. I think women for so long were held so back, you know, and like housewives and da da da, that you're like, you don't even think you have a choice.

You just do what you're supposed to do.

So now to see all these women like, no, I'm not getting married, I'm not having children.

That's not for me.

It's very like it's just a sign of like the times that we live in, and there's it feels like there's like some sort of female awakening that's been at play for the last you know, fifty years, and we're cruising into this really sweet spot, especially abudding up against Roe v Wade being overturned and the way men are and you know how stupid most of them can act at times, and embarrassing it is as a society that men get away with such nonsense behavior and we're we're like,

Yeah?

I never wanted kids. I love kids, kids like me, but I never wanted to have kids of mine.

You say, I mean, do you have proof if that children like you?

Yes?

Because I always have candy on me, and my sister's three year old thinks I'm like the fucking.

God, like you know, or a child molester.

I know it's a candy on me. Watch out.

I actually speaking of child molesting. I got a ride home from a child last night. I was flew in from I. So I flew in from LA to Whistler. I'm back in my I have a little ski a situation of whistle that I'm obsessed with skiing. So I came back yesterday and I stopped at my friend's house, which is like forty minutes away, and she had dinner and friends over and then everyone kind of fell asleep.

But I'm like, well, I don't want to sleep here, like I just got home. I want to go to in my bed. And this like nineteen year old kid was.

Like I'll drive you to Slirt's like forty minutes and I was like, are you are you?

Do you have a license? I was like, how old are you? Can you drive in the snow? He's like I'm nineteen and I was like okay.

And then I like, you know, observed him for a good forty five seconds and thought, yeah, actually this is the guy I want to drive me home.

You were like, let me set you up in Z way I know another nineteen year old.

Said, I only hang out with nineteen year olds these days, so I want to introduce you to someone.

But yeah, he drove me home and it was really cute.

I had my dog, Bernice because my friend was dog sitting and he drove me home and it's like a forty minute drive, and uh yeah, it was really funny. I was like, he's like, I could give you ride anytime you need one.

Chelse Ll.

You have a new driver, and I know I have a new.

Nineteen year old driver. That's something I would totally do well.

And he's not legal drinking age, so it's definitely likely to be over.

He doesn't drink at all. We talked about lots of drugs and alcohol on the way.

Home.

Yeah, he doesn't. A lot of kids don't drink.

Now.

It's weird. Yeah, it's funny. They're all straight edge.

They're not into it because I think alcohol is, like, you know, it's seen its finest hour.

There's so many other.

Avenues to explore with mushrooms and microdosing, and I think people are more on that train.

Yes, kids these days think that alcohol is boomer technology is what they call it.

And I think that's oh, just great. I think am I a boomer?

I'm the opposite of a boomer, but I am a boomer probably. No, I think I'm younger than a boomer.

Yeah. By the way, Catherine, I like that merch hat that dear Chelsea hat. I needed a black hat today, and here we are.

That's so cute.

Where's our merch at Chelseahandler dot com, Chelsea Handler dot com.

Okay, quick shout out to merch.

Okay, so you know, okay, did you get the lowdown of what we're doing today. We're basically gonna have fun with our callers. They call in for real shit and we give them real advice.

I can't wait, I've listened.

Okay, great, all.

Right, so we need to take a break, and then we're going to be right back. Okay, and we're.

Back, We are back, We're back okay, and uh, these are all going to be centered around things that you have something to do with or you've talked about.

And so, okay, are you comfortable with questions about anal penetration?

Anna?

Absolutely?

Yeah, perfect, There is one about porn. So that's why I was like, wait, they're they're not all about you. But did you know I've post my ass all over Instagram?

Though I know that you wake up and do anal every morning.

I mean, anyone worth their salt does that. That's the first thing on the menu.

I promise my Instagram followers when Pennsylvania turned blue, I would do ten photos of my ass on Instagram and amazing I did.

And I was like, I love when we can combine politics and sex. That's my favorite two of my favorite topics interpersonal relationships. Well, I like the emotional psychodrama that goes with it. Two, but I love sex and I love politics.

There you go, you would love that post. It was, Yeah, I think my ass turned Pennsylvania blue.

I did it.

It's like the opposite of blue balls. It's like blue ass smurf ass.

Well very appropriately. This email starts, am I the asshole? Probably, Zan says Dear Chelsea, Am I the asshole? That's what I'm needing reassurance on I was in a relationship for six months. We started talking in May, met in June, and became official in August. We ended New Year's Eve. In short, he felt as though I was not integrating into his life. The first incident came in the form of a wedding in October. He told me his cousin was getting married in January. It was a big moment

Am I the asshole? Zan is Xana gay Man is Zanna? Yes? Yes, oh, z Zan, You're not being an asshole at all. That's like good.

All the red flags you identified them, You hesitated when you didn't want to go to the wedding.

You for the right reasons.

There's nothing wrong with being like circumspect about meeting people's families. They're being overwhelmed, and also the cost that was put into it. No, I don't think you were an.

Asshole at all.

I think you were actually had boundaries and were stating them, and you were being told that your boundaries aren't going to be respected.

Yeah, six or seven months, because it sounds like, you know, they started talking in May and this wedding was in January, like six or seven months kind of feels like plenty of time.

To meet the family.

And I get that it's like overwhelming being all at once, but I think it's okay to be uncomfortable. But that feels like pretty appropriate timeline.

Yes, it is appropriate, But if the person doesn't want to do that, then the person doesn't want to do that. You can't make someone go and you're going to meet my whole family all in one fell swoop.

I can imagine a lot of people. That would make a lot very nervous.

First of all, I would fucking run towards that wedding because I love shit like that. But I have a different personality type, right, Like I get it, Like if that's overwhelming to some people, some people have serious like social anxiety and whatever.

I don't know. I think it's valid to not do anything you don't want to do.

I agree with you one thousand percent. I think it's like you were honest with this person.

If they made you feel bad, then that's on them.

If you're like, hey, I don't know how I feel about meeting your whole family, that's okay, you know, and then you know it's not going to work.

Out.

I guess if they can't understand where you where your boundaries are. I made my boyfriend meet my parents three weeks into dating, so I'm no one.

I'm bad.

Yeah, I never have any like rules around that.

But also when you ask if you're an asshole, usually the assholes.

Aren't asking that question.

Yeah, okay, so we'll problem solved and they're not the Zan Zan zan.

Oh, and I wanted to address the drinking thing. That's ridiculous. If Zan doesn't want to have a drink, who gives a ship?

Yeah? No, one's what are you in.

The DARE program where they're like, come on, I had a drink? Are you not? Are you a loser? You can't hang out with us?

No?

Yeah, right right yeah, And I think that is just sort of a clear sign that you're not in the same place in life as this other guy.

So well, thanks Anne, I'm glad Zan got out.

Yes, yeah, okay, what's next? Next up?

Our next one is a caller, and this is Elena. Elena is currently in Puerto Rico. She's on vacation, but she's calling in. Dear Chelsea, I heard you answer a question about porn in your last interview with ze way, and it brought up another question for me. I haven't felt comfortable talking about it because the second a woman brings up porn in any questioning way, I feel like we're labeled as prudes. I'm not against using porn. I

Oh.

To me, this feels adjacent to cheating, though obviously not physically.

It feels like a betrayal, and I was really hurt by it.

When we talked about it, he said he didn't think it was a big deal at all and quote people in healthy relationships do this all the time. It felt like a shitty response. Honestly, my gut says it's not normal or fine. To me, this crosses a line for me. With the payment and messaging. Looking at a potential future with him as a possible husband makes me really nervous after this, and I don't want to deal with this when I'm six months pregnant with his kid.

I've gotten mixed advice.

Women tell me to run, some men say give him another chance, and other men even say this type of porn consumption is totally normal and natural. I'd love to hear your advice on this. I appreciate your show and all of your advice.

Elena.

Hi, Elena, Hi, Hi, this is Anna, she's our special guest day Anna Roysman.

Hi, Elena, I'm with you.

I don't. I don't like that. I'm not into that paying's messaging what.

Yeah, that is like that's flirting with if it was if it weren't an oly fan site and he was messaging anyone on the side, wouldn't you.

Be put off by that? That's that is kind of cheating.

It's flirting with another person when you're in supposedly a monogaous Does he know he's in a monogamous relationship?

Yes, And I'd even asked him after I found this out, whether or not he wanted to continue a monogamous relationship or do something else, and he doubled down he said, yes, I would I want to maintain a monogamous.

Relation, of course, because he's getting to watch porn and flirt and tip other women. No, it's like it's icky. I mean, I listen, I might be old fashioned, but I don't think so. I think I'm pretty fucking with it. And it's like that, especially even if he wasn't paying them and he was DM some girls flirting with them that would feel bad to you, and for sex, like watching them whatever they do on OnlyFans, right, is it all sex or is it just like sometimes you show like your vagina?

What happens?

I don't have any OnlyFans accounts that I follow. I've been trying to get on it, but I have someone blocked me.

No, No, I am all for the girls on only Fans and so support them.

But and so does your boyfriend. So last night very much.

Very much. It's mainly, honestly, just been like nudes from them. It hasn't been like custom videos or anything like that.

Yeah, but it's all gross.

Yeah, it's like, I don't know, I want to like support his desires nothing.

No, no, no, that's that's not a landing or too nice.

You're being a little naive and you're being a little bit too nice. You don't need to support his porn interest.

Right, It's not like he's picking up a guitar or like learning another language.

Like that's not your responsibility a and like, yes, of course kudos to anyone who has an only Fans, But if you want your boyfriend or your partner like that doesn't feel good to you, clearly because you're calling and it's just it key behavior and there's nothing no no, I think you need to move on from him, and also you need to have like a little bit more and better understanding of what you are and what you're not willing to like put up with within a relationship.

Yeah right.

I also wanted to say, when you called in, you give this whole description of like porn and porn, watching porn, putting on porn. I mean porn, I'm gonna say, you know it's art, right, it's a form of art in the but in only Fans where you're having a connection with someone who's sending your nudes personally and you paid them for it, that's a different that's not necessarily a porn, you know, that's totally I mean people people are dating online today, you know, that's the same thing as like

Definitely. I have just asked different people's advice on this, as I mentioned in my email, and you know, a lot of women say the same thing, run get out. A lot of men have mixed advice, like some say, pill girl. I am so so sorry. I'm staying at a friend's house and the cat is no, I'm so sorry.

First of all, stuff apologizing. You need to like boost up your self esteem. You're too nice. That's a very nice quality, but you need to have a little bit more like gumption and a little bit more.

You are like a beautiful.

Kind, caring individual who is thinking about a person, and you need to be thinking about yourself. Actually, you're giving him a little bit too much credit in this area. This is really about how you feel. It doesn't make you feel good, so it's not going to work for you.

Yeah, right, thank you. Yeah, it's not gonna work for you.

Yeah, you don't need to support his habits of messaging women for naked photos.

Yeah, him like a year into a stating I've been doing for almost two and a half years and about a year and I asked him, because I was having some feelings. I wasn't sure if he I just had a sense there was something going on only fans wise, so I asked him, are you you know only fans, no judgment, it's fine, but I just want to know for me, for my future. And he was really adamant about it. He said, no, absolutely not. Why would I

You know, and you gave him an opportunity and then he blew it, so he lied to you. So no, you deserve better than this. This isn't going to be good enough for you, period. So are you ready to break up with him?

Because you should?

Thank you, Chelsey, I've honestly been confused by a lot of advice that I've gotten, Like men say, it's actually it's just porn. It's fine, and actually it's more ethical because it's from only fans, like you're controlling where the money goes. But I think I think there's a good percentage of women on only vans who are still trafficked, Like you.

Know, yeah, that sounds like guys who love only vans only men would say that it's ethical gonna cheat anyway, so it's better that he's just cheating with someone online.

Like whatever.

Don't listen to men and give advice to women about fucking anything. You need to listen to women, and right now you need to listen to us. I can see this fixture very clearly. I'm sorry that you wasted two and a half years of your life, but there is somebody out there for you that is gonna appreciate and love you. It's actually it's a sea of men. They're everywhere. Everywhere you go, there they are.

And you're gonna be stronger because of this situation. You're gonna know what you want when you don't want.

And you need to also use your voice.

Like your voice, I want you to use that as a tool for yourself, and I want you to write that down, like you need to get stronger in your voice, and I mean that actually audibly. And you know you need to like do some vocal exercises in the morning to like ground yourself because you're being This is what I see when I look at you, somebody who's just like in the air that is like kind of being directed,

Yeah, and you want to be grounded in who you are.

You want to be a woman like you're a woman and you're powerful, and you have all of these amazing things going for you in your life. And I don't know half of them, but I already know that's true because it's true for every one of us.

And this outward focus on that no, no, no, I don't like that at all. And you're better than that.

Thank you, Chelsea.

To Chelsea's point about you need to listen to women about this, it's not because women are always right all o.

We usually are.

It's because the women in your life are echoing what is coming up for you, what's coming from your gut and what your gut is telling you, and the men in your life are trying to like dissuade you from that.

It sounds like the women.

Are telling you exactly how you're feeling, and that's why you should listen to them.

Thank you all so much. This is really helpful. It's so great to get your advice on this.

Thank you.

Well.

I'll be thinking about you, honey, follow up with us. Okay, let us know how it goes.

Let us know when you break up with your boyfriend, because you will and keep us posted.

We'll have you on our matchmaking segment.

Yes, oh that's fun. Yeah, I will put you on our matchmaking segment.

I love that.

Thank you so much.

Okay, bye, Len, good luck bye.

I love men. It's better.

It's more ethical to watch porn when you're fucking so stupid.

I love my brother.

Over Christmas this year, he was like, Chelsea, let me I go no, no, let me tell you. Don't don't tell me anything, and don't start any sentence with let me no, no, no, I don't let you anymore.

Don't talk to me like that.

But I think this is such an interesting question. Brad and I, my husband and I were just having this discussion the other day. We were watching ninety Day Fiance and there was a similar situation, and it's like, where

Yeah.

I got mad at my boyfriend of the pandemic.

He had a weekly D and D zoom game dungeons and trackets, and I was like, this is worse than port. I would feel better if you were actually like girl and jerking out. I'm like you and your your fourteen other like high school friends. They're all like men in their forties and they're like playing characters on their Zoom.

I can't. I cannot with men in video games. I mean, it is a boner killer. It is a boner killer.

I was like, have you heard of OnlyFans I made?

Fuck, that's a boner lift your upper and this is a boner killer. It's just so like boners and you don't know which direction they're headed east, west, north or south.

I was such a bitch. I'm like, let me play my saxophone. Remember when I used to do that.

I'd be like, I'm I'm rehearsing in the other rooms.

Well, our next question comes from Hobby and he'll be joining us on the phone as well.

He is currently unemployed, and I thought that this would be.

A perfect question for you since you had a podcast called Unemployed and you know about transitions. So yes, Hobby says Dear Chelsea. I'm currently working as a reality TV producer, and while I love the work, the short term contracts have been causing me some anxiety. Additionally, I had to move back to Miami to care for my sick mother he was living in LA, which added another layer of

Have HI havevey?

Hey? How's it going good?

How are you?

I'm good good, I'm chilling, okay.

So Okay, break it down.

Well, Anna, this will be good for you too, because we're all like that in this business. That's what it's like, so we can relate for sure. It's like job to job to job to job. No job security ever, ever, ever, No.

Four oh one K, no paid time off, none of that. And right now that's sounding like mighty tempting. It feels like I'm missing out on something.

You know, you mean by not having a four oh.

One K yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah, or just like steady income throughout the year. Right now, Catherine knows, I'm unemployed. I've worked it out where I have two shows that I work on that kind of fill up nine months out of the year, and now these three months January to March, I'm just kind of hanging out, you know, and applying for gigs and crossing my fingers but nothing yet.

Have you been doing it for a long time.

I've been working in reality TV for like five years or so, producing like two ish years.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Okay, I want to say Mozeltov to you for having a job nine months in a creative industry nine months out of the year.

I'm like, oh god about that.

That's like teachers, you know, they get like a summer off.

I guess, I'm like, you're kind of living their schedule.

But I'm like, if I was employed for nine months this year, I'd be like, you know, on a beach somewhere. I'd be in Miami with you. No, not to I understand though, that this lull, the three months is it feels slow and you have no idea what to do.

But yeah, I feel slow, and then the demons start, you know, creeping back in and telling me that I'm never going to have a stable anything, never going to be able to buy a house, never gonna you know.

Well, that's not true, that's not true.

Those are your thoughts, Like, that's your just like shadows self telling you your That's what all of us have and experience when we don't have a lot going on, is our voices saying are you good enough?

Are you going to this happen? That's bullshit.

So first and foremost, we need you to spend these three months that you have off in a very much more productive way. And you sound like you have since you have a steady income for those nine months out of the year before you have something more that you're working.

Maybe eleven months out of the year.

I mean, it's a pretty good gig if you can swing working nine months out of the year and keep it that way.

I would just say, but you need to put money.

Aside in every paycheck first of all, for your own four oh one k for your own You have to start all of that shit yourself, and because then you're an island taking care of yourself and you're feeding yourself before you put yourself out there anymore. And there's a lot of self esteem that comes with managing your money in a very thoughtful, futuristic way.

You're preparing for the future. You can't just like burn through everything and it feels.

Very good, and you're going to feel a lot safer and like grounded and protected when you are looking out for yourself. And there's all sorts of accounts you could drop and they can take money from your paycheck. You can put it in yourself like you can design it however you want. But you need to start doing that anyway. You know, you're a brown man and you should be preparing for your future.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, I do.

I have a rough ira and I do have a good amount of savings, but it's like I don't know. I don't know if it's like the Cuban I'm Cuban and the trauma of coming from parents who came from nothing, Like I'm like, you gotta keep saving more, you gotta keep saving more, you know, Like, but I hear you.

A lot of people feel that way.

Like a lot of people feel exactly the way that you do. It's not as I did, to do with being Cuban. It has to do with the human experience, you know, you're I mean, not many people go through life going I'm going to be great this whole time.

Everything's going to go my way.

Yeah, true, true.

Well are we gonna say Anna, I was gonna say, well, yeah, as a Jew, you know, my parents, they they I feel sorry for them that I did this, you know what I mean.

I'm always broke and I'm always I feel for you because this is where I am today this morning. Even. But I was gonna say, you're a producer, and you.

Don't have to put yourself in a little category of just a reality.

TV producer, because that's a hard job. You're a producer. You could produce. You know how many people need producers, like on a podcast.

Or first or film or you knows your name out there, Yeah, commercials, advertising, even social media people need people to produce videos for Like it's there's so much more work I think as a producer, because you're obviously organized. You know how to like book a place or guests or whatnot. You know, like you know how to get people together. So I think just exercise that and you might find something that

Like you could do that.

Thank you, thank you.

Yeah. I also have this like feeling that like I've got to be out in La you know, that's where I kind of like set up my like network of people. I lived there for two years, and like I wrote in the email, like I've been back home with Mom who's been sick. I have my ninety three year old grandfather here who I'm also like helping out, you know, make you know, a doctor's appointment to whatnot. And my dad is a truck driver who's gone half the time. And so I feel like a little bit of a

But first of all, you can you can reach out to your network in LA and I guarantee you they're going to have connections in Miami.

You can reach out to, you can. There's so many proactive things you can be doing.

And I think being there for your family is so important and meaningful that it's great that you're doing that. We spend so much time thinking about what we're not doing instead of.

Thinking about what we're doing.

Like you are doing something very profound and meaningful by being available for your family. That is meaningful, And I would choose that any day over the week, over you know, any of this business.

The reality is you have to work, but you can have it both ways.

Like everything is possible, you just have to actually put in the work, which might be a little bit of like trying to figure out who would have a connection in Miami. And yes, I love Anna's advice about trying different things, because yeah, you could get a couple days on another job doing something completely different, on a modeling shoot or print shoot campaign and and and it'd be like, oh, I could make a couple I could do this five days a month when I'm here in Miami, or twenty

Gonna love that you have LA experience on your and they're gonna be like, oh, wow, he's the real deal.

Okay, he lived in LA and produced reality shows like that's that's big.

Yeah, it's cool.

You know.

I want you to see these three months not as like downtime. We are not making money, but we all know how busy a producer's life can be when you're working. So I want you to take these three months and think bigger, not what job could I be doing, but what's my next career move? I mean, maybe you are at the point where it's hard to save, but you know what I think you need to be looking at this more creatively. This is your moment to think about what show do I maybe want to pitch, What ideas

I wrote that book? Did I write it? You're very good at it.

I need to read this book too.

Now.

It's great.

It's kind of less about like what specifically to do and more about changing your mindset around money and fixing especially the scarcity thing that you have going on. You've got like very much a scarcity mindset and turning that into like training your mind to think in terms of abundance.

And I'm going to get to you got to start meditating too. Like I say this to almost everybody, but

You're the reason why you've gotten this far to begin with.

Like you're on your own team, so just make sure that you're always working for that team.

Yeah. Absolutely, I used to meditate it a lot and I need to pick it back up. You're absolutely right. And I think I need to go to therapy again. I know you would say that.

Yeah, I mean everyone should be in therapy. I just got off the phone with my therapist this morning, you guys. I just had a nice one hour session with my new therapist. I fucking love this woman.

Yes, send me your contact, Okay, And right now you have the time.

I wanted to say one other thing.

You're never going to look back at this time and regret being with your family, you know, like in the future you'll look back and be like, need to do that dumb gig in La for like a weekend and like, you know, stress myself out, like you'll always look back at loving the time with your family.

So absolutely, no, you're so right, And just.

To remember, like I always like to think open instead of contract, like when you're thinking about career stuff and like dabbling in different things.

Don't think you only do one thing.

Think oh, what else can I do that I don't know that I can do yet, Like what else is there? And be very open to all the possibilities and maybe even if it's a job opportunity, like a couple of days work here and there on some sort of production that isn't reality based or that you're not that familiar with, even if it doesn't sound appealing, like I would beseech

This is for me.

Yeah, it's that improv rule. Yes and yes, yeah.

Yeah, So Ariana Grande's latest song, Oh yeah.

What is it? What is it? I think I listened to it yesterday, yes, and yes, okay, there you go, Okay.

I don't know.

She went to say city.

This is traumatizing for people in comedy. Why does she need I Likedriana Grande until this song. I'm like, I can't, I can't.

Yeah, yeah, all right, well, thank you also so so much. I'm taking this all to heart.

Okay, and wey bye, Honey, take care great, Harvey's taken care of wonderful.

Yeah, this is like I like what you said Anna about like it's like a teacher, like this is the time he gets to focus on himself, do some soul searching.

All that stuff.

Oh my god, I wish I could work nine months out of the year. I was like, that sounds amazing. Unemployed.

What I'm sorry, We're.

Going to take a break and we're going to be right back to wrap it up, and we're back.

We're back. Well.

Our next question comes from Brittany, and this one's just an email. Brittany says, Dear Chelsea, I work in a male dominated environment, and it's all too common to hear about committed men having affairs on their partner. I recently learned about a guy from work, let's call him John, who was sleeping with a girl from my work, let's call her Jane. Neither John nor Jane are friends of mine. However, I was part of a wedding party this summer with

I just know that if it were.

Me in this situation, I'd want to know that my husband was having an affair. So should I tell Sam or should I stay out of it? Best regards brittany An, I'll let.

You go first on this.

Really, yeah, I I feel like you have to tell her. I don't know unless it's been so long you think she even knows.

I don't know.

Obviously she's writing in right, it's on her chest and she knows that deep down she probably should tell her, but it wants to feel like, well, maybe if I don't, life will move on and it'll be better.

This brought back.

I literally am like, oh my god. I had a friend and I knew her boyfriend. She had said, I think he's cheating on me, cheating on me. And literally two years later I met a friend in LA and she was the one he was cheating on. And I connected these dots and I was like, oh, oh my god, do I tell my friend? Like I know, she didn't know who it was. And I'm like, oh my god, it's someone I know. That's awful, but and I think about it still. I ended up saying it after everyone.

Was broken that no one was with the sky anymore.

But I was like, yeah, if you know something and you respect this person, I would say, you know, be there for them and support them, and I would tell them maybe I'm I don't know, it's gonna.

Be hard either way.

I couldn't agree with more listen as a woman, there needs to be more honesty in this world not less honesty.

As a woman, it is imperative.

That we are honest with each other because we have been short shrifted our entire existence and lie to And as a woman, I would tell a stranger if I knew something about her life because I would want her to know, and she can do Listen, it's a new friend. It's not your close friends, so whatever. If she doesn't want to be friends with you after, then that's fine too.

It's just not fair.

And I don't think it's in being an interloper when you're telling someone the truth, Like and I've had friendships end because of telling the truth, you know, But I will never stop telling people the truth, and I will never stop telling women the truth. There's a feeling inside of me, and I think many of us can relate to it. I'm sure I know both of you are going to agree with me that there is a sisterhood and we all owe it to each other to think

There is no way you can go wrong with being honest.

Yeah, and it'll be hard at first, but you know she'll be better for it, Like it will, she'll learn to handle this.

It's not going to get where she might be like fuck you and I don't want to hear this and I don't believe you, and it might ruin your relationship, but.

I still would do it. I would. I would say it's more important to be honest.

Do you think there are any safeguards that she could take in telling because she works with this guy, Like, my one concern is that this is going to affect her career negatively because she'll be known as like the person who outed John like for having this affair.

Yeah, I mean that's going to be an issue.

But they're just colleagues, right, Yeah, it's not like he's her boss or something that.

Yeah, not as far as I mean, Yeah, I don't know.

You know, when you get into like don't tell them I told you, like that is all very Yeah.

It's like it's irrelevant.

It's almost like, yeah, I'm telling on you and you're gonna hate me, so you're gonna just have to pony up to that. Yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna watch this happen. It's gross. I want to see it, you know.

And I think sometimes when we're carrying the weight of someone else's secrets, we don't give enough weight to how that affects us. Like I know someone who kept a very similar secret to this for years, for a long long time about something that was going on, and it really truly impacted her.

Health in a in a huge way.

So I think we can't really underestimate how how impactful carrying someone else's secrets can be.

M Yeah, I mean she.

Lost me when she said she had five kids, Like she's home caring.

For five kits and off a holiday party like looking up with someone like stakes are raised.

Yes, Yeah, I just don't understand these women either that have affairs with men who have five children and have a wife at home, Like what are you telling yourself that this is a good this is a good karma for you and for there's there's children involved, Like, It's just it's gross.

So yeah, anyway, brittany time to tattle okay.

Anna Roisman, You've been such a delight. Anna. Tell everyone how they can watch you find you all of your shit.

Thanks.

You can find me anywhere online at Anna Roisman A N N A R O I S M A N. I post a lot of dum celebrity impressions and stuff. I have fun doing it, you know, especially when they like it. When they don't like it. It's a little touch and go. But you know, for the most.

Part, do you get a lot of feedback from celebrities who don't like it?

You know.

I used to get blocked from Instagram a lot.

I get warnings a lot, and I think someone was reporting me, which was scary. And that's Hilaria Baldwin. And I'm okay with it now, you.

Know, Laria Baldwin, what a mess.

People think I'm her on diktok. It's a little scary.

That was an accident. We do look alike, I guess you can say. But oh, and I want to say. You can listen to my podcast. It's called Big Wigs. My friend Andrea and I do impressions together. We do Chris and Courtney together, and we shoot the shit and talk about things that are in pop culture and we have fun.

Hearing you two like do Chris and Courtney together at each other is hysterical.

Thank you.

Okay, Well, that's our show for today. And I hope I see you again. I'll see you when I'm in New York next.

I would love that. I'll be in La also, I'll find you. I can't wait. I gotta go out with Jamie.

Okay, Well, good luck with everything. I love watching your success. You're gonna love you crushing it for a long time. So yes, I'll see you again soon. And thanks for coming on the podcast for having me.

You're the best.

Yeah, thank you for sure.

Thanks Anna.

Bye, guys, thank you bye, okay bye, okay. So show dates coming up Canadian show dates. These are for Canadians, guys. I'm coming February ninth. I'll be in Winnipeg, Victoria, BC is March eighth. Then i will be in Salt Lake City April fourth, and Denver April fifth. I'm coming to Arizona at Maricopa April twelfth. April thirteen, I'll be in Brooks, California at the Cash Creek Casino, and then I'm going

Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney.

So those are all my dates for that are up and available, so get your tickets.

I can't wait to see you. Yeah, that's it.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com