Hitting On People At Funerals

to Cincinnati. If you live there, get your tickets. I'm coming to Detroit on October one. October two, I'm coming to Indianapolis. That's in Indiana, and then October three I will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan. So I am coming to perform Taft Theater, Filmore Detroit, Detroit, the Murat in Indianapolis, and then Davos Performance Hall in Grand Rapids. And if you don't live in one of those cities, I'm probably coming to a city near you. I'm coming to Florida.

There's a lot of action in Florida. I'm coming to Portland, Maine. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Miami, Beach St. Petersburg, going to Arizona, Reno, all of my places anyway. Look for tickets at Chelsea handler dot com, ticket Master Live Nation only fans. So I am coming to you, and I hope that you guys come and see my vaccinated in Horny too are because it's so much fun and I go off. It's O G Chelsea, I am. I'm just so sick of I've been trying. I've been homeless everybody for for I'm

not homeless. I'm in a rental house, but I might as well be homeless because everything in this rental house was broken so many times. I just can't even believe. It's almost like I'm in a practical joke show like Girls Behaving Badly, a show that I used to be on. I feel like it's pranking me. First, there was an electrical fire. I had to be taken out of the house by the l A p D. Or no, the

l A Fire Department. The police were not there, thankfully because they don't like me either, and they had to basically lift me over the gate to the rental house because the gate would not open or close. So I slept in a hotel for seven days. Then I came back.

Then the A C broke in the house, then the oven broke, then the air conditioning broke again, and then they pulled something out of the air conditioning unit that looked like something my father would have dreury rigged together when he was a car dealer, a used car dealer. It was like duct tape, like a phone wrapped in duct tape, with styrophone stuffed in between the phone and the duct tape in the middle of the air conditioning conduit. And I just looked at it, and I thought, is

this my father haunting me? I am in a rental house that is tantamount to the rental house that my father used to rent on Martha's Vineyard, where he described the basement as a pie de te, Like, I am paying a large amount of money for a house that doesn't work, and the owners seem to think that they're not responsible for any of these inconveniences. So I am just like you know, and I'm at a point where obviously I'm not gonna get involved with these kinds of

arguments and stuff because I just can't. It's too silly and it's too much of a waste of your time. But I would like to go on the record and say that I have not cried once, and five years ago, before therapy, I would have been a real basket case. But I've slept without air conditioning several nights. Now I have fans that I have to turn on, and I'm thriving, you know, just waiting to get the hell out of there.

So if anyone knows of another rental that I could rent in the meantime, please, I'm looking in that Greater l A area. Maybe it's time for me to move to the valley. Maybe I just give it and give up. And additionally, I had a house that I bought, but then I found out that Mulholland Drive owns like part of the land in front of the house that I bought. So I pulled out of that house as soon as I found out that at any point the city of Los Angeles could decide to widen Mulholland and my lawn

would be shortened. I thought. That also reminded me of my father. They have an easeman. I thought my father would buy a house with an easement like that, where you thought, you know, it's unlikely that that would happen. Maybe it isn't unlikely. It seems unlikely. It seems like it would be hugely expensive to widen Mulholland. But in the event that they did decide to do that, I would just have to let that happen. Totally devalues the property and the privacy. So I have no house again.

So I feel like a nomad right now. I feel very like anchor rudderless, you know, without a house. But I also I don't want to commit to Los Angeles. I have this I don't know. I'm going through something. Hopefully it's early menopause. And in other exciting news last week's episode where we talked about Pandemic of Love, my friend who runs Pandemic of Love. You can follow her at Mindful Skater Girl on Instagram. Her name is Shelly to Gilski, who I will have as a guest when

we return for season two. For sure, we had over a thousand listeners call in to become donors at Pandemic of Love, so a thousand of you got eyes heard that and then decided to go help a stranger in the name of mutual aid. So I just want to say thank you to everybody who did that and for the people who are struggling right now and receiving mutual aid from strangers and people who are kind enough to help you. You will be in a position in the future where you will be able to do the same

for others. So it's the gift of giving, and it continues and it's a beautiful thing. And I can't wait for you guys all to meet Shelley because she's just a great friend and she's just started this incredible organization and everyone who hits me up on Instagram that I turn over to her, she has helped pay their bills. They vet everybody to make sure that they are paying the bills directly, and they're helping people in their times of need. So this is important and it's a good

reminder about humanity. And then not everybody's a fucking asshole. Okay, Okay, anyway, what do we do now, Brandon? Okay, So this is pasting future. So these are questions people have about past issues or upcome events. So one of them is a question about a new job. Someone who is cautious about releasing his memoir, someone who can stop thinking about her childhood crush. So we cover a lot of bases today and our first submission comes from Ashley. We actually have

a little voice note from her. She's twenty nine out of Houston. She's a teacher, so let's play her voice memo. Hi there. I'm Ashley, a twenty nine year old teacher in Houston, and I'm having a hard time deciding if I should stay at the school i'm at or move on, maybe even try a new city. I'd give the school I work out five out of ten. Leadership is awful. However, my partner teacher is my best friend and I love

working with her. The thought of leaving what I know for something different gives me major anxiety, and I tend to shut down. There's a part of me that would love to live in a different city and move on. But what if I move and it's a worse situation. Should I just be thankful for the good I have

and leave it alone? Thank you? I would say that if you have severe anxiety that you're already worried about that will be a result of moving into a situation that you're not going to have a clear idea about for a long time, that you might want to just stay where you are. You've got a best friend, that you love working with. That's a lot more than a

lot of people have. And if she's a teacher, right, and if you are a teacher and there's poor leadership where you're teaching, I would say that they need you even more if you love your job and what you do. If it's a five out of a ten, you know, maybe you and your friend can make that school six out of a ten instead of a five out of ten. Like, you have so much more influence than you even realize, And so I wouldn't quit on the school because of the leadership. I would use that as a reason to

stay at the school because of the board leadership. What do you think, sweetheart? I agree. I think that if you do want to leave, it's always best to have

some sort of game plan in place. So if there is a catalyst for you moving, like you really just want to live in a new city, I can understand that if you have things kind of set in place, like you know, you've mentioned that you have a partner teacher that you love working with, that you are happy outside of the leadership that you're getting at the school, then that should be more reason, as Chelsea said, for you to invest in the school and make the change

you want to see. I think if you're having anxiety, like if you need a guarantee that you're gonna love the city you're going to move to, and that you're going to find a new best friend and you're gonna find with all these things. If you need that to be guaranteed in order to make the move, then don't make the move. Like you have to be open to that maybe not working out and then maybe you go

to a different city. You kind of have to have a different kind of attitude and a different set of anxiety, right, totally. So yeah, I think you should probably stay what is her name against Ashley. I think you should stay put Ashley and continue to build your community and build a school that you're in and just be a fucking badass example for all your students and help them be better too. That's that I feel like I need a protein shake.

I felt like that was a protein shake. Would you like one of my meat six that you please don't open the meat sticks inside the podcast studio. I haven't eat it before it came into We have to find a house where we can build where we can have a room as a podcast studio because the studio we're working out of. It's very sterile, and it's in the valley. Yeah,

you don't love the valley. I don't mind the valley. Actually, I have to say, this is a very short jaunt and it's very easy to come here, so I don't mind the valley. It's better than going to Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills is the worst, and it's way better than when we have to drive over to Hollywood. Oh well, yeah, that was the worst. Hollywood is a bit it's just a bit dirty. It's it's very dirty. Olive l A

is getting very dirty. Honestly, it's alarming. Okay, we're going to take a break for a quick at and we'll be right back. Our next mission comes from Oh this is an interesting name, truf um t r E f o M. He's on the East Coast. He's a writer, and he says, Dear Chelsea, life will be the death of Me was so excellent that it moved me to finally write the memoir that I have been rattling around

in my brain for many years. The challenges that it's pretty unflattering to my mother and one of my sisters. Do I go ahead with it. I'm even using a pseudonym. But I'm still unsure. My mother has dementia, so she'll likely never be offended, but my sister certainly will. She hasn't spoken to me more than six years. I have

no idea why I'm guessing I'm an asshole or something. Well, it's good to self assess in that in that way, he goes on to say, But but in the final analysis, she sucked me over pretty good when we were kids, So should I even care what she thinks about the memoir? P s. I'm not just some winker who thinks I can write a memoir. I'm a professional writer with more than thirty years of experience. And he's on the phone. Hi, Cheff Chaffam cheff M. Yeah, So Traffam's my pen name,

Truff Markoff. It's actually my great grandfather's name. He was a Russian immigrant. Okay, I was going to say, that's not a name I've ever heard. So, but if you've been working with the name, okay, got it? Russian? Okay, that's why I haven't heard it. So why doesn't your sister talk to you? Chelsea? I wish I knew, I really wish I knew so about seven or so years ago. She just kind of turned me off, didn't respond to emails,

text phone calls. I wanted to reach out, I mean, I tried to several times over the course of the first I don't know, like two or three years, and I never got a response. So eventually, you know, I just started feeling got chumped, and I thought, I'm done with this. If she doesn't want me in her life, I'm done with this. But is there anything that could have happened that you think might be the reason why

she's not speaking to you. I mean, I guess there's no single incident I think that stands out in my mind. She's always been very jealous of the fact that I have a good relationship with my in laws, and things are, you know, oftentimes strained with my own family of origin, you know, mostly her and my mother. But a particular incident I don't know, and this goes October two was the last I heard from her. And do you have other siblings? I do. I have a younger sister and

a younger brother. Relationship is good with both of them. My mother is eighty and she's dealing with pretty fair amount of dementia, even though she doesn't admit that. Okay, well most people with dementia don't right anyway, So sorry we topic. Okay, but wait, I'm not done with your siblings. So that you are other two siblings that you do have a healthy relationship with. Do they talk to your

sister not in a healthy way? You know, there's there's things that they have to do and discuss in relation to taking care of our mother. But you know it's not like you know, me and my younger brother and my younger sister, we actually get along. We have good relationships. They are a few years younger. So the deal with my older sister is that we're only eleven months apart.

We were born in the same calendar year. She in January and I had December, so we were basically raised together and the dynamic hasn't changed from when we were kids. She is a professional judger. She judges, that's what she does. And so my you know, my entire childhood growing up with her was her judging everything I did, everything I said, everything that meant something to me, my friends, my girlfriends, and so she carried that over into our adult lives.

She just you know, never stopped being that person, and so now the memories that I have of my childhood are kind of veiled with a shroud of her judgment, of like in her voice. So you know, it's had that kind of a of a profound impact on me, to the point where now that I'm I'm writing a manuscript about my younger years, what do I do with that? You know? Am I brutally honest about the way this affected me? Or do I be the kinder person and

temper what I write without the brutal honesty. And I was profoundly moved by Life will be the Death of Me, Chelsea. So and that's kind of inspired me. I've been a professional writer for so many years. This is the first time I'm actually writing something about me, and it's because of your book. Oh wow, well thank you. Okay, So you're you're describing the dynamic between you and your sister,

and you're describing her behavior. Can I ask you about your own behavior in relation to your sister, Like, how did you what's your part in that? I'm the younger one, I'm eleven months younger, So when we were kids, you know, she got to experience everything before I did, and so I tried to, I guess, you know, have that to

look up to, but it never really worked out. And then by the time we were teenagers, and then you know, in our younger twenties, I want to say, I was maybe twenty or twenty one when our when our father died so young, the dynamics changed even more so where I was taking care of the house and trying to put myself through college, and I was immediately thrust into adulthood, but there was I don't think she had the same

kind of inclination to do that. So that kind of set the pace for us in terms of what we were going to be like as adults. And I always wanted an older sister. I have a younger sister, a younger brother. I wanted a healthy family dynamic. My wife's family is a good example of that. It just it's an apple and an orange, though it was just never the same. Yeah, yeah, but you have to really think

about why she acted that way. You know, people who are judging are unhappy, and it's about looking outward rather than looking inward, right, And you have to try to remember that she's obviously coming from a very different place and have as much empathy for her as possible. So it's it's a conflict because I hear what you're saying. I would always want everyone to pursue their dreams. Like you writing a novel for the first time, or not a novel. You're writing your own story, right, and an

autobiographical story, so you're writing that. But if you're writing under a pen name or an alias, like you know, you're going to change all that. You have to change all the real stuff anyway. Legally, when you're writing a book like that, you have to make people unrecognizable and unidentifiable. So you know, you have to make your sister somebody with a different name and different occupations. She lives in a different city, so there are ways to shroud that.

But if she do, you know that she's going to be reading your stuff, because it sounds like she's pretty disengaged. She's very disengaged. I have no idea. I look at it this way, you know, with the decent relationships I have with my other siblings, and if this does actually come to light, you know that, you know, whether it's just a personal manuscript or something that actually gets published. I find it hard to believe that it won't be

revealed to her. Right, No, No, you know what. I was just reminded by something my friend said to me once, which is like, just assume everything you do is going to be heard by the people that you're talking about, and that's true, Like it will get back to her. Of course, again, you could write a manuscript and it could be published, or you could write a manuscript and

it couldn't be published. So it's a lot of ifs, ants and butts, right, I mean, hopefully we're we're going to work under the assumption that it will be published and it will be a huge success. Excellent, Okay, So worried about hurting her feelings? Brandon, what do you think

about that? While I think I think that you have to write as authentically as possible, I don't think you're going to do yourself any favors by minimizing your experience because obviously it's still unsettling for you today and this

has been ongoing for a very long time. I think you're both in a state of arrested development and your interactions, and I think that probably comes from her not getting the limelight that she thought she was due as the firstborn, but tailed very closely by a brother, and my siblings and I are all thirteen months apart, so I kind of understand that dynamic where everyone was fighting to some

degree for the attention they thought they were owed. And it seems like she took that into adulthood and upon the death of your father, she knew the pillar she was supposed to take as the l this child, but forced you into that position basically because she's like, I'm not doing this, like I didn't get my moment. I'm not responsible for this. You deal with it, and she will,

without doubt read the manuscript whatever it turns into. She will because she's narcissistic to some degree that again, she didn't get that moment, Like now you're writing about her, so that's really gonna like tickle her fancy in a way, even if you know it's not flattering. But again, I think that's why you have to write it authentically, and there are appropriate and respectful ways to go about that

with her. You can send her a version of it before it's released, before you do anything with and say these this is my reference to our childhood. These are my memories. I understand they may not align perfectly with your experiences, but I do want you to have this. I want you to be aware. If you'd like to discuss anything before it goes out, I'm happy to do so. Like there are ways to that's a nice way of going about it. Yeah, they're I think they're just respectful.

Is that you have to operate in your best interest as well, and in the best way. How you would want someone to do that for you? And I don't think you do those things to spite someone else. Like, obviously you care for your sister. You know that's it's biological. You can't not care for your siblings. But I also don't think you have to prioritize how she's going to feel to tell your story. Yeah, so, like I agree with that. I want this to be authentic. I wanted

to be honest. These are you know, even though the names have been changed, or real stories. These are my real stories. And so you know, if I go in there and and I write dishonestly by omission, then you know it's not my story anymore. That's true, And you do have every right to tell your story. And I mean listen, just by the very fact that you're contemplating it means that you're conscientious about it, which is a good sign, which means you're not an narcissist or an asshole.

I mean, you might be an asshole and a narcissist, but you know, these questions aren't down that line. So again it's like you're writing under a pseudonym like I think that allows a lot of room for people to get over of themselves. But again, I think Brandon's advice is spot on for this. I think providing her with the materials beforehand so she doesn't have one more thing to say she was blindsided, you know, so she doesn't

have any more ammunition against it. Be sensitive to the fact that it is your sister that she is struggling. You probably stole her thunder in a big way that you have no idea about the mere presence of you being born probably disrupted her entire flow right her, She is off. So I would say that, yeah, that that's all you can do because you can't prevent You can't let somebody else's feelings prevent you from telling your truth. Well, you know, I don't think I ever didn't believe that.

I think I just needed, you know, to hear somebody say it. Yeah, Well great, I mean, problem solved sounds

like good luck with your manuscript. Well, thank you. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't have to exit that zoom the interworking of sibling relationships, because you know, I've written so many books where I've exposed my siblings behavior are stunt, stand up and talked about my family in ways that has hurt them, and I've gotten in trouble and I've hurt my sister's feelings a lot, or my brothers, and you know, some of them are so insensitive that they

don't care and they're just like whatever. But I was very insensitive not to run it past them because I just think you're part of my family, like you gotta you gotta suck it up, Like this is my story. I'm going to tell it. You know. Of course I'm going to tell a joke about it and stand up. But I learned that that's not the right way to go about it. So I think presenting the people with the material is really the most upright thing to do.

Do you think that that reframes your stand up material as well, So not just in in the books, but when you're going to make a reference to somebody, I know you've really been thoughtful about how to tell a joke without making someone feel bad or bringing someone down. Do you think that that affects how you present your comedy. Did you think it affects your comedy being any less funny in a way? Well, I mean there's always an asshole to make fun of it, right, There's no shortage

of assholes luckily. But yeah, I mean it's a good it's a good challenge to not be able to make cheap jokes. That's a good challenge for anybody. Which is a challenge I welcome. I like to be challenged. It makes people work harder. I like to be given a little structure because I'm so a structure list and so chaotic that I like when somebody says, Okay, this is the world you're going to live in. Now build a house Like, okay, great, I like this. I like this challenge.

So but yeah, I have jokes that I've written that are about you know, I'm like, this is a bit that works. Is am I going to be able to tell this on a special like it's about a member of my family or it's you know, like it's gonna always get back to that. There's never any way around

that for me. So, and what is your kind of spectrum now or I don't know how we would look at this, but when you are writing a joke and you think it's funny, but it might be on the threshold of like crossing a line, whether it be about a family member or just something socially or you know, well, like I want to tell I want to do this bit about, you know, just white male privilege and how even young people, you know, the guys that think their woke and progressive, are aren't, you know, And and how

my nephew is woke and a liberal and very progressive, but he's still is just basking in white male privilege, basking in it, basking and it man splaining ship to me left and right, all of us, and it's like, oh my god. You know, like I remember when they

stayed with me during the quarantine. I'd walk downstairs and he's just splayed out on my couch, you know, in shorts with his legs open, and I'm like, meanwhile, the girls, of which there were four of us, we're all we have our air pods in because we're sharing a house together. Nobody's sitting on the sofa spread Eagal and I want to talk about that, you know, I want to talk about how it's so inured into men's nature to take up more space and to have less regard for others.

But I know my sister is gonna get pissed at me and she'll be like, can you not do that bit? Or maybe my nephew needs to hear me do that bit? Maybe you should maybe should do the bit for him and get his response. This is a great way to test and see if my sister Simone is listening to the podcast, because she's not, she'll be in touch. She can write in Actually, yeah, Simone, if you're listening, if

you have any questions, you can write it. No. I mean, these are all things which obviously said to him to my nephew. But it's a thing now. It's like once you have the term to identify it, it's everywhere. Like once you realize, oh, white male privilege is a thing, it's like all you see is that, and so it becomes kind of like again, that is a little bit more thoughtful, even implied in comedy than some of these

easier targets. Like there was a radio show host. I don't know if you saw this, but a radio show host I guess of a very popular show who walked off quit his show because he could not make fun of Demilovado changing their pronouns today them was his name Piers Morgan, because that sounds like fucking what peers I love walking off the show. Only a white man would walk off a show. Do you think a person of color would storm out of a show? Do you think a woman would get up and storm out of a show?

Only a fucking white man? Yeah, because they know that there's going to be another opportunity person's straight white man, where that's not the case with a person of color or a woman, because they don't know if that opportunity is going to come back. But I just thought that was interesting because it was so obvious. It's so easy to make fun of some of these changes that we're seeing, because for a lot of us it's jarring. I mean even for me as a gay person, it's a little overwhelming.

I actually this is a good opportunity to talk about because I was talking to my friend last night and we were talking about, you know, non binary and changing the pronouns, and so there's a pronoun where you can be she or her and then you can choose to be she and they. So what's the distinction there? Can

you break that down? Okay? So one of my friends in his instagram by because now on Instagram you can program your pronouns, and his is he they and His rationale for that was, he identifies as a man, but any person can also be identified plurally. We already do it to some degree. They ran for a drink whatever. So he thought that it was more inclusive to also be able to be applied plurally than just as a singular. It's not it's not a representation of how there's a

sexual identity evolved in that. It's just he they, So she and her and then she and they is just that's just it. They want to just it's more inclusive. I think, So then why don't we just do that for everything? I'm sure that's not the case for everyone. This is going to be a learning process. Everyone has a learning curve with this. Right now. My partner works in LGBT media. There are daily changes in the representation and the pronouns. There are things that are basically just

sounds like zees er. Those are pronouns. You don't see them used, but that's a thing what is z Those are two pronouns, so there's there's just a plethora. I think that's like all encompassing that there's and again, all we can do is learn and accept it and just get it right. Well, let's see if we get this next advice right. This is from Sonny thirty four, Seattle. It's an alias, I'm sure, but we'll talk to Sonny. Why do you say that because it's in quotes. Yeah, well, yeah,

then I would say it is an alias. She's a store manager for a luxury brand. She writes, Dear Chelsea, I enjoy the company I work for, and I also have a really tough boss. I know that if I can stick it out, there will be good opportunities on the other side. But this lady is killing me. She wants a business robot who doesn't have feelings or emotions. I've been that bitch before, and that is not who

I want to be anymore. I'm stressed and exhausted all the time from trying to be myself and being bullied back into the box of who someone else thinks I should be. I've been at this company for seven years and I don't want to start over. What the fun do I do. Hi Sonny, Hello, Hi, Hi Brandon, Hi. How are you. I'm doing well. How are you all doing? We're doing well too, Thank you. So tell us about this woman that you work for. What's her story, what's

the problem, what's the dynamic. Yeah, the dynamic is interesting. I have worked with this woman for about three years and only reported directly to her for the last six months or so. And she's definitely a little bit on the older side. She's been in the industry for a really long time. She's very well respected in the company, but she has a lot of those just older tendencies, right.

She gets really uncomfortable when people are emotional. She gets really uncomfortable anytime people start talking about money or personal problems. So it's, you know, she's not really with the times when it comes to what people are currently kind of going through in the world. And even and I think of, you know, being a woman in the workplace and wanting to talk about some of those problems, talking about, you know, how do you make more money, how do you make

network connections. She's really just cuts you off and puts you at a distance, and it's really uncomfortable with all of that. She loves a woman who is very business oriented, you know, like put on your blazer, put on your red lipstick, and let's get to work. And I just can't do that anymore. I've been that person. It's really unfulfilling, and I don't know what to do. Well, first, I mean, you say you love working there. This woman seems like

she's not with the times. But I would argue that you cannot let one person control your disposition or mood. Right You're giving her way too much power. She's only your boss right now. You're only reporting to her right now. So like, there are workarounds that you can do to tolerate this woman and kind of get what you need and give her what she expects. And you have to look at this situation as temporary and all of the

other pos of things around it. Like you've been there for seven years, you love the work, you just don't like her personality. That's no reason to leave a job. Yeah, for sure, I know that you're right. I also I don't know, like how long I can continue to be under the emotional duress, you know, without having more an outlet. I guess, So, how do you feel the emotional dress?

I mean I'm a I lead other people, so leading other employees to being a manager, you're kind of like at that critical friction point of you know, I need you guys to take care of the customers. I need you to do these things, and I also am here to take care of you. Right, I'm their leader. I'm their boss. And anytime there's something that we need to work through as a team or a problem, and I want to work through it with my leader, you can't

bring that emotion into it. It has to be one about the business and when you're working with people, when your whole job is to take care of people, to not have that same mentality for your self. That's what I find. Really it's grinding where it's like I'm giving a lot for my team and I I would hope that I would have someone who is doing the same thing for me. And it's hard to just pretend like

everything is fine all the time. Okay, well, but you seem to be going to an empty well for water, right, you seem to need emotional support, yet you're going to somebody who's not equipped to give it to you. Yeah, you're definitely right. So can you get that emotional support elsewhere? Like, can you go to a therapist and get an emotional support? Are you in a position where you can afford to

go to therapy? I can afford to go to therapy. Yes, that is definitely something that I am actively doing and will continue to do. So you're in therapy, yes, I have, Well, I see a stress coach. So I'm seeing a coach, which is helpful, helpful to have tools and some active resources, but it doesn't really alleviate the fact that you're being stifled emotionally at work for sure. Yeah, ups at home, right, it helps when I leave work and walk away from it.

What are your thoughts about her, like who's senior to her? Like is there a scenario that you would have a conversation with someone that's supervising her about this dynamic? Definitely, and that has happened. So I did have a skip level with him earlier this year, and he said, on one hand, I know there's a place for you in this company. I know that there's a place for people who want to come to work and be wholehearted and take good care of the employees and take care of customers.

And you have to understand that she is the way that she is, and so it's now like this culture that this is her behavior. I'm not the only person who experiences it, and so I have to deal with it, and it's like you have to suck it up, right, Well, I would say the same thing. I think you're need. You're going to need to get that emotional support that you're looking for from someone else, and whether that's a girlfriend or whether that's like a partner or a relative,

a sister, brother, or a therapist. I think you do have to kind of accept people for who they are and stop expecting them to fulfill Even though we're living at a different time and times are changing, people are not fucking caught up. They do not get the message, and people are stuck in their ways. And you can have empathy for her and sympathy for her, you don't have to act on that. You don't have to show up for her in any of those ways. You just have to take care of yourself and you cannot look

for her to do it. So I really would suggest that you find that kind of outlet for yourself, because you're taking care of yourself in a way that's going to make you understand that she is just a pawn. In this game of life. And if she's not worth you leaving a company over where you enjoy your position, she will be gone at some point and hopefully you will remain there and you will be in a different position, or you'll be in her position. I mean, yeah, that

would be the dream. Yeah, So I think, imagine leaving because of her. I mean, what does that say she has that much power over you? Well, I also think what it would do for like the next person who has to report to her or the rest of the people on my team. It's like, at least now they have me and they can report to me, and I care about them and I take the time for them. And it's like if they had to report directly to her,

would just be turned into burning. So I think, yeah, very good, Yeah, good to be that person put the people on my team. And no, you're totally right, it's totally temporary. Yeah, she's not gonna be around forever. And you know you're not gonna be at this job forever.

But as while you like it and while you enjoy it, you need to like look at her as a like a project in your mind, and you are going to handle her the way she handles you, you know what I mean, that's a special case that needs kid gloves. And this is the personality I put on when I have to report to her because I'm going to play her game better than she's going to play it. And you know, she's not even playing a game. She's just

being you know, older and not with the time. So I think that, yes, I think that's what you should do. You should really just get ahead of this. You're letting her control you and you can control the situation. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you're right. Thank you. Any other advice for a woman in the working world and carving out their own path, that's something that you excel at. Chelsea. Oh, I thought you were talking to Brandon. I am a

woman in the working world. Listen, I understand. I've been in charge of people who wanted to emotional support for me, Like I've had people work for me and I didn't have the bandwidth. You know. I try to be there for as many people as I can, but I can also relate to her and having to deal with so many changes and having so many people come to you and and not being equipped to, you know, have people emotionally lean on you. So I can kind of see that, But I would just say to be the example that

you want to see. You know you want to It's like being the change you want to see. You can only model what you want to portray. And the best version of yourself is is not to look at certain people like, oh, they don't get it, they don't understand me. It's like every personality is handled in a little bit

of a different way. You have to handle people a little bit differently, and that's a fun challenge if you look at it like that, you know, because then you can get to her in different ways, and who knows what kind of relationship you can create when you stop resisting the fact that she's not on the same page as you and look for other commonalities between the two of you. Yeah, and model the change. I love that

you said that. It's like, who knows what's going to happen if I can do me and be myself and like work around her instead, right, Like, and you can

do that, You can totally do that. My friend isn't a job where she has a bunch of people reporting to her, and she has one woman that reports to her that complained about her, and she was like, oh my god, you don't understand how much time and how much effort I've spent with this girl, and I've sat with her and she's failed to complain about me, and it's like, you know, there's like so much there's like this huge chasm between them now because they're just both

not on the same page at all. So, I mean, it's not uncommon. It's happening all over. It's just like, aren't you smart enough to figure out a way around that? I think so? I think you're right. Yeah, all right, Well problem solves, Sonny. There you go, good luck, Thank you so much, Bye, Sonny, thanks for calling. Appreciate the time. By Chelsea by Brandon, Bye bye bye. Oh god, must working retail? I do not, Oh god, that would just

be that must be so catty. Although women are learning to be kinder and gentler to each other, people just need to learn to be kinder and gentler. Well, women, women have been pitted against each other, and you know they're they're pitted against each other because of of our culture. And women need to know like we're all on the same team, Like you've got to look out for other

women always, always, always. Yeah, that is something else I was thinking about the other day was how these younger stars show up for each other in a way that like Whitney Houston and Mariah Kerry did not. This is a very gay reference, but there's like they now see through all of that bullshit, all of the background noise, like, well, there can only be one of you. That's not true. Obviously,

it's been proven time and time and end. So all these women like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry realized like, oh what, we don't need to have the sort of dynamic like we can support each other even if we aren't best friends. But that's that's not the narrative we need created for us. How are these girls supporting each

other more? Now? They just show up, They're doing music videos together, you know, there's they're coming out for each other's projects, and there was I saw something recently that it was Maria Kerry had Jennifer Hudson and Ariana Grande on one of her Christmas songs, which was a huge deal, Like she's never done this before, She's never had someone of Ariana's caliber singing with her, and just for so long, like you're saying, women were positioned like you are the

only one. You are the best. You can't allow anyone else to come in. And you know she had to get with the times to and be like, oh, I can't operate that way. Like we need to be supporting each other, we need to be leveraging one another. So that is nice to see that women are stepping out and yeah, that's the way it should be what men want them to do. Okay, So speaking of what men would like us to do, let's take a break in terms of you know, the memoir writing and offending your

family member. I mean, I'm already doing that again, you know, as I mentioned earlier, I'm doing it in stand up. I'm talking about living with my nephew. I told him when I saw him on Nantucket, like, hey, you're in my set. He's like okay, So you know, I'm not the best person to give advice on that topic, which I would like to reiterate, Brandon. Our last mission comes from I think Laura. Yeah, good to Laura, she writes

your Chelsea. When I was born, my mom was a nanny for an old, rich family that owned a large estate which we lived on every day or most days. My mom looked after two boys and me until we moved away. When I was eleven and didn't keep in touch. Fast forward, I'm now forty nine. I started dreaming about the youngest boy who I was besotted. What does that word besotted means? To have a to be taken by somebody like a crush. Okay, I'm gonna incorporate. I was

besotted seven or eight years ago. I started daydreaming about meeting him, and then one day his dad died and my mom went to his funeral. We went in for a quick coug He gave me eye contact in a nervous way, and we hardly spoke. I cried all the way home. My mom was really concerned, and then I went into an emotional depression for weeks. I know he's married with three children. His wife looks a bit like me, so that made me smile. Let me just keep going.

I emailed him once, but he never spent responded. My mom died a few weeks ago and my mom called him and he never replied. But from the other side read Laurelan Jackson's book, You'll know but his brother always keeps in contact. I have the opportunity to go to my mom's celebration party in this summer, but I don't feel like I can put myself through the rejection again. Oh my god, this is I have a really immediate

response for her. My question is do I forget about him and leave him the past, or do I go to the party and trying to rekindle some sort of relationship even though I feel deep down that he doesn't want to go there. I've attached an old photo of me and him. I'm looking forward to hearing your advice. Hi, Laura, you need to move the on. He's married over. It's over.

He's married right now. For he's married. For as long as he's married, there's no chance of a reconciliation, or there's no reconciliation because there never was anything to begin with. So I want to just say, like, you sound slightly delusional, and you really are letting a man who isn't seemingly interested in you have way too much control over you, Like you're stronger than that, and you can find somebody else and not focus all of your attention on a

childhood crush, because that's all it was. You had a childhood crush. We've all had them, and then we grow up and they're over, and yours is over. So you have to listen to the fact that this is not not healthy. Not healthy, honey, sorry to call you honey. I don't want to be patronizing or condescending. I want I'm just trying to be loving, like you're better than this. This is not who you are or who you want to be. This is just something old that you kind of need to I think it will be a great

sense of closure. Yes, you need to go to his mother's memorial celebration and comport yourself or her celebration and however you guys are calling it, so yeah, does she need to go to that? No, she doesn't. He should

just be making herself present and putting herself through something. Okay, So, Laura, if you can't handle going to his mother's memorial celebration and going through that and acting like an adult and actually making a new impression, because I think there's a vibe that you people understand you've had a crush on him, and I think he probably understands that you've had a crush on him, And so I wouldn't set yourself up for that unless you're going to put yourself in a

situation where you can go there with your head held high. And act in a dignified way and accept that he's married and that you're not in a relationship with him, and then pay your respects to his dead mother. Well, honestly, Laura, don't go to that. You shouldn't go to that. If you want, if you want to send your condolences, send a nice arrangement or a note like making yourself present. It's going to be the stracting and it's just going

to be like a cry for attention. So don't do it. Yeah, Laura, you're better than this. This is a childhood crush and those expire for a reason, just like high school ends for a fucking reason, So did childhood crushes. And also, can we please stop trying to hit on someone at a funeral, a parents funeral especially, well really any funeral. I mean, why are people thinking that that's an opportunity

to hook up. I remember when my mom died, I walked into my parents bathroom and I was looking through my mom's medication to see if I wanted any of it. I was going to my mom's funeral, and I already thought that was kind of gross that I was doing that. But when I got there, my brother Roy was already in the medicine cabinet doing exactly what I was going to do, and I was like, what did you find?

And he had found like a bunch of stuff, and he's like, norko, da da dada this anyway, So I then prescribed, obviously after that what my brother was going to take in what I was going to take, and then told him to get out so that I could take my Norco and peace for my mother's funeral. But I thought that was inappropriate even then, while I was in the situation, I knew that my behavior was inappropriate,

but you know, it was a funeral. I'm allowed to do whatever I want to do, really when my mother dies, and this seems much more inappropriate. Hitting on someone at a funeral is such a bad move if you think it's okay to do that, because it's not. It's disrespectful to the people that have lost someone. Even if it wasn't the right time and someone was at a funeral and somebody kind of mad. Even if I thought, oh, that he's cute, but not now, if he did that,

he would no longer be cute. Like what's cute about a man is a man who knows that that's inappropriate. I hate having to explain this ship all the time, you know, and then I come out like I'm the bad guy that I hate. Man, It's like, no, actually, I'm trying to help you. If you would listen. Problem solved, Laura, get a new problem actually, and I mean poor thing people struggling with child I mean, here's let me see this picture she sent. She said love to Burton Bernie.

Anyone who's writing to Burton Bernice, Just so you know, Burt is with a b E r T, and then Bernie is b E r N. I c e this and you guys are also a boer and three years old in this picture. Who knows like they're not? This is a childhood photo. Okay, I don't know what to say to her. I think we've said it all. Move on, Laura, Okay, let's let's let's also move on. Well we are that was the last submission for the day. Okay, well then let's move on to Margarita's were wrapped up. You've worked

to you? Oh yeah, that's right. Okay, thanks for listening, you guys. We'll be back next week. Good bye. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows. We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You can buy tickets a ticket Master and tickets are available and I can't fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and horny, so make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nous and

then keep them to yourself. Please. If you want any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really anything, you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.