Global Warming Escape Plan with Mike Birbiglia

and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name a few. There's also some Floridian dates in there, since this will be my last year that I'm able to go inside the state of Florida. So check out Chelsea Handler dot com for more stand up dates for my Vaccinated in Horny Tour. These are my last dates. Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea. Hi. My name is Chelsea Joy Handler and I'm here today to record a podcast in the beautiful city of New York.

Can I just tell you earlier you were approving videos of yourself doing comedy and giggling, and it was the most joyful thing I've ever seen watching giggle. No one's in love with himselves as much as I am. I when my social media team sends me a bunch of videos. They put them together, but they put all these little affectations on in like words, and it was funny and I was yeah, I like, yeah, yeah, I get a kick out on myself. I love that everyone should feel

that way. Honestly, I know we should all really start to love ourselves a little bit more. I've always been I've always been pretty high on myself. Well, not always. I sometimes beat myself up, but for the most part. Now I'm mature enough to be like, you're a wonderful person. Right. Speaking of being wonderful, I have to I don't know if you saw my Skims ad, but I did. I was so excited that that's what my body looked like

that I can't even express. And then as soon as that shoot was over, what I did was they asked me to do the Skims Brock Camp Pain. I was on vacation. I said, listen, I'm gonna be on vacation for two months. I'm not willing to fly back unless you make it worth my while. They made it worth my while. I came home and gave myself a week. I started to just be more careful about the food and the drinking, and then I get on my timeline where I eat every three to four hours, really small meals,

no bullshit like egg whites, broccoli, avocado, that kind of ship. Anyway, I had one week to get it together. I came home after Martha's Vineyard and then I really hunkered down with Ben Bruno. We worked out every day. I did my Peloton ABS class every morning, and I did I was an angel about my food, no alcohol, only cannabis. And on the day of the shoot, I was like, listen, I felt really comfortable about my body, but I knew

if I had one more week. I was like, if I could manipulate my body like this in one week, can you imagine what I could do in two or three? And then I was like, oh god. But anyway, the minute thought shoot was over, I have been on a food and alcohol tear. I am. I have rebounded, and that body is over. I'm like, listen, I proved what I could do, and I washed my hands of it now and now I can feel free to just to blow up, yeah, and like party and have fun and

do all the good things. I really like to be strong and fit and lean, but it's nice to be able to manipulate your body like that and have kind of like a you know, the definition and all that. Yeah, I see your abs and stuff, and like the cellulite diminishes. Everyone says you can't get rid of cellulite. That's not true. I get rid of it all the time, and then it comes back, and then I can get rid of it. You just have to be good. It's all about your diet.

It doesn't really matter how much you exercise. You know, that doesn't ever fix that problem for me. But yeah, I'm really happy that I did that campaign. I'm so grateful. I'm so happy that I mean, can you believe I spent so many years making fun of Kim er at Ashi and and now I'm working for her. Well, you know, you just never know how life is going to turn out to you. It's a full circle moment. Okay. Today's guest, you guys, is a stand up comedian in He's an actor.

He's also a storyteller. He's a director, a producer, and a writer. He has a new show coming out on Broadway which is so fucking cool. It's called The Old Man and the Pool. He also stars opposite Tom Hanks in a new movie called a man called Auto. Please welcome Mike Brobiglia. Hi, verb Biglia. How are you glad I'm here? Oh my god, we have so much to discuss. Kather and Mike, Holy cow, how are you? Hiy, nice to meet you. Yeah, you can look at that screen.

You can look at that screen. Just take a mirror out and stare at yourself the whole time. I just I got a shower and just jesus, I look like a like a third grade schoolboy with this hair. Yeah you do. Welcome to Mike bro Biglia. He's sitting down and he just got out of the shower. Usually actually at the first ad break during this podcast, we shower together. So if you want to do it twy, that's fine.

Can I just say I was listening to one of your bits just now in the waiting room, and I was like, one of the things I think you do so well comedically and very few people can pull off is indignant, Like it's funny when you're indignant, and a lot of people when they're indignant, it's like, oh come on, but like no, no, you're doing this thing about you know, people taking their feet off the airplane trays. Don't touch it.

With your feet and you're mad about it, and you're like, and don't funk with the flight attendants, like they're working so hard and so true. Like a lot of times that kind of comedy can sound kind of like holier than now. One of your special powers is indignant, but in a way that it feels funny and also like not I don't know, like I don't I feel like, yeah, that's so true. Well, thank you, Mike. What do you think if you had to name your special power or

one of your special powers, what would it be? No, I think it's some I think I can, I think, I think, I don't know. I think I can tell a story in a way that isn't boring, and I can I can understand what's boring about myself in the in real time and go, okay, I guess which gears Yeah, that's actually that is a special power. Because so many people talk endlessly and you're like, do you not understand

that this is not compelling? And you're still talking and there's not really a reaction coming from anybody, Like I've been at a dinner where somebody drolls on and our drones on and is a drone drones who knows what it is. I'm too too tired to make words anymore. But when people go on and on and there's not really a big reaction from anybody at the dinner table, and you just think to yourself, what is this person doing, Why won't they stop talking? Well, they they've clearly been

work shopping with the wrong people. Work shopping. Wait, okay, speaking of work shopping, I want to talk about one of your special powers, because Mike bar Biglia is an incredible person in the sense that you are helping so many young comedians get to the next level. And we have so many people in common between Hannah e'mbinder and between Alex Edelman and Otsco. All of these people we both have worked with or are both friends with, and all three of them just have the nicest things to

say about you. And Otsco was just telling me, Mike bar Biglia does this thing called the ride back, you know, because after you achieve your own success, which you have certainly done, you have gone around and picked up people that need help from other people. And I know you're producing the show just for us, which I just saw last night. We're in New York City today, which is Alex Edelman Show, which closes I think tonight, so the last night. Yeah, and then hopefully we'll start up again. Yeah,

it'll start up again, and I think it will. It'll end up being a big special eventually. Yeah, and it should be on Broadway, I think. So. I mean, this guy is so talented, it's so great, and it's very it's very much about growing up as a Jew, and he tells this long story about a night he has and it's just he's kind of like the new I would say, like a new Woody Allen, you know, without marrying his daughter. Hopefully that won't happen because he's dating Hannah.

I'm bid when I would like the two of them to stay together because I think they're a commensurate right, like, they both have a nice My god, are you kidding me? The power couple. Yeah, total power couple. So I just wanted to give you kudos for that because I think that you deserve it. Well, you know that term ride back. It's funny because Otsco uses it with me, but I think both of us got it from Hassan Minaj, who uses that term. Yeah, yeah, I don't. Yeah, Hassan brought

it up and then Otsko uses it for me. Otsco is like, it's funny. We met were pandemic friends. We met on just Instagram. I lover videos, and I was just like, who is this person? Like, I'm going to ask her to come on my podcast. She came on, working it out, we go along really well, and then like when I started doing shows again, I was like, hey, do you want to come just like open some shows.

And then she came to Chicago Theater with me and then crushed and then I was like and then I love her husband Ryan, He's like brilliantly talented as well. And then we've just been doing like every show together and she's just super cool and like wildly talented, wildly talented. Yeah, she's going to be a big star. And she's so sweet and funny and her story so it's she's unique. It's so nice as a comic when you see things that aren't derivative of things we've already seen before. Oh

my gosh. Yeah. I mean one of the things that one of the things about comedy, there's a lot of like kind of white male complainers in comedy right now are just like, how come everybody, every everything has to be diversion blah blah blah, and it's like, well, actually, I think like sort of a better question might feel like when you get more diverse stories, like odsco story, for example, is like she came from Japan. I think when she's like eleven years old and she tells the story.

I don't want to give away the story that she tells on stage because it's so good. But it's like her life story is so fascinating. When you get more diverse stories, it's just better comedy, is the truth. It's it's genuinely better storytelling better comedy, I think, of course. And it's also like it's a nicer to have a wider breadth of learning about people's experiences than a narrow viewpoint.

When everyone's complaining about being too politically correct or it's like all you have to do is not be racist or sexist, Like it's not at all order you don't have to complain about that. You could just be a little bit more clever or by the way, you can be racist or sexist. But then if people say that they're right, yeah, right, right, right exactly, it's actually non illegally racist or sexist. But it's just like you know people will criticize you, which has always been the case,

excepted exponentialized with social media so exponentialized. That's good. I haven't heard that yet. Who helped you when you were coming up? Did you have anybody that was really helpful, Like a lot of people like Mitch Hedberg was really helpful. I was starting out, really he Yeah, there's like a handful of people did like a lot of really nice things for me, Like I opened from Mitch Hedburg in Dayton, Ohio at the Joker's Comedy Club. I don't think you

would have ever played there. Maybe I don't know if I've played there. But you know what, I don't know where I've been because every time I go somewhere, I'm like, I can't wait to go there, And then I go in and there's a picture of me and I sounded it. I'm like, oh ship, I've forgotten more than most people will ever remember. I like that quote. I don't know whose it is. It's not mine, but I continue to

use it. Yeah, he didn't. He he didn't really mentioned his wife Lynn did a really sweet thing, which is like I had like a self produced comedy album when I was like twenty something, years old called Dog Years and they and they came to New York and performed at like the comic strip with me. For that's actually I don't even know if you remember. This is a

zillion years ago. I met you at the comic strip years ago, and carolines here years ago, and it was actually really unique instance where I was you were on this ascent and I was just sort of witnessing it happened like you weren't a household name, but you were like on your way to it, and it was like it was it was fascinating to watch you. You were I mean, you were crushing. It was twenty years ago. You were crushing. But I was like, who is this

person who has this wild trajectory? I've never been around that before. Really really well bigs. Yeah, I remember Caroline seen meeting you at Caroline's the comic strip. Yeah, vaguely now I remember that. Is that around anymore of the comic strip? So is that where do you perform when you're met the cell when you're a seller person, that seems to be the place where everyone is. Well, it's phenomenal. I mean, it's just what it is is and if

people are listening and want to visit New York. It's like they have like three or four comedy rooms like in a two block radius. They're really good rooms. They're really well well booked, well produced shows, and the food is great. I think all left. Yeah. Yeah, the food in a comedy club is typically not awesome. So if you can get that while you're watching comedy, it's a bonus round for sure. So tell me about your life now, now that you are successful and you have a very

steady career, how does that feel. It's good. I mean like, I'm doing this next show which is called The Old Man in the Pool on Broadway, which is exciting. Oh my god, can't wait to see it. That's incredible, so exciting. Yeah, it's at the Beaumont Theater at Lincoln Center. Wow. So it's so it's really exciting. And when does that start? Oct perfect O at the Beaumont Theater And and yeah, to answer your question, like it's it feels good. It's

like I'm sure you experienced this to some degree. On one hand, you're like, oh, I'm I can't believe I'm here. This is so exciting. The audiences are showing up to see my sense of humor, because when you're starting out, it's like it's any sense of humor. You get on stage and you're just kind of like they either get you or they don't him. Now, when I tour as as is, I'm sure when you tours like no, no,

they know what they're paying for. I've written this show over a few years and they're on board for it, and I don't know. It feels like your friend with the audience, Yeah, which I think you're the funniest kind of jokes. It's like when you have an inside joke with your friend. And I feel like over the years I've been able to develop that with my audience where

it feels like an inside joke. Well, I think though, you'll have a different not a different in a bad Way experience though on Broadway, because the audience aren't just going to be your fans. It's gonna be a word of mouth thing too, where people tourists are coming in and they're gonna want to see something funny in a comic and they're going to hear about it, you know what I mean. So those are going to be people. It's a great way to actually broaden your audience, right yeah, Yeah,

Before they die. Yeah, everyone's going to pass away shortly, so so we should all be prepared for that. So tell me about the show. Well, it's it's funny. That's the theme of the show is the old Man in the Pool is about aging and more tality and and you know that last show was called The New One, which is on Netflix now, and it's and it was all about having a child, despite the fact that I never want to have a child, Like I was really adamant. And the first half of the specials all the reasons

I never want to have a child. Second half of the specialist about how I had a child, and then how I was right, and then how I was wrong in certain ways and and sort of the emotional arc of that. But now my daughters seven years old and so now and now she can watch that special and be reminded that her father never wanted to have a baby. But my wife Jenny always points out that, like she'll just never even though I said, she'll just never believe

it because I'm so doting, Like she just doesn't. I don't think she'll compute it, like she'll just be like, oh, that's an act, yeah right, But no, I really did I mean, I never want up a child. What's funny is from that special? I don't know. It came out a couple of years ago. About a year after it came out, someone sent me a link to like a Reddit thread that was like a child free commune. Any

forward that to me? Please my gosh, where people are like, we love the first half of the special and then they were like and then and I turned on them. I didn't mean to, but I was like, you know,

this is what happened. Well, I mean, it would be hard to I remember talking one of my friend's husbands they have three children, and she was like, I never wanted to have kids, and he goes in, now, it's impossible to even think about how I felt about that, because you know, once you have them, obviously, I mean even I would love my kid when if I had one, you know, and then you're like, oh god it because it's you're never gonna want that to be taken away

from you once you have that experience, because it's probably magical, I would imagine on multiple levels. It's extraordinary. It's spiritual, right, I mean, the idea that you and your wife could create a person and then you watch them grow and their mind being shaped. I mean that is a fascinating endeavor. Yeah, the whole first half of that special, I just make fun of people with kids, and now I am one of those people, and it's like, it's embarrassing. You should

you should be embarrassing proud of it. But that's where I meant right now, and then the new shows is all about death. I mean it's all about meditating on death. And my feeling is like, if you can make people laugh for ninety minutes about the thing that we're all sort of most scared of, or some of us are most scared of, then there can be a catharsis in the audience. There can be a feeling if you walk

away feeling better than you walked in. My pet peeven comedy is when comedy scratches the surface so much that the person doesn't go in deep, and then you're left feeling like it's a little bit like junk food, you know, and you're just like, all right, that was fun, you know, it was a good time. Yeah, yeah, I hear what

you're saying. There's no there's a lack of depth. Well, it's funny because one of your one of your specials that you did where you talk to people about race and privilege and you sort of like make yourself the line of fire. You basically, I would I don't even know how to describe it. You basically say like I'm open for criticism kind of thing. Is that how you

describe it? Yeah? I like that feeling. Yeah, And I really respected that because I was like, that's going deep because you're putting yourself out there and just being like, yeah, just take shots. What are your thoughts on this? Well? I also find when you have the opportunity to do a documentary, it's like it can't be a vanity project. You have to dig right. You can't just be sitting there like promoting yourself because it's so easy to be in this industry and really get lost right. I find

New York there's more grounding and more normalcy here. These are real people that not everybody's in the industry. There's arts, there's museums, there's stuff to interest you. The parks are beautiful, you know, like the piers. You go down to the piers and there's people outside exercising, and I'm just like, l A has a dearth of grounded nous. You know, people just get so kind of dumb. I certainly feel like I get dumb when I'm in l af for too long. Why did you stick? Why have you stuck

with us so many years? Because I just love land and houses. I love land, and I love droughts, and I can't wait to get started on our next drout. I won't be there for long because California will probably catch on fire, so I'll have to probably relocate to Nova Scotia or somewhere else in Canada. That's I'm not have my eyes on property where global warming won't In fact, like I think about that Al timin Nova Scotia, North Atlanta, Tennessee oddly like, yeah, there's a few like that Tennessee.

Nashville is a pretty cool city. It's just set. Everyone's down there. I'd like to be a little bit off the beaten track, but I never quite make it that far. I go down these rabbit holes about climate change sometimes and I look at like where where will the survivors be? Yeah? And Maine is a big one. Yeah, but then there's

weird things. It's like Vermont good, except that it's on Lake Champlain and you can end up with other natural disasters from the lakes, right actually, but I also think it's important to be by a lake when we all run out of water, right, so we have to find some lake community like Wyoming or Montana might be a good idea. But then there's too many guns. They're like, I'm not down with that telling people too much. We're

telling people where our escape routes are. Well, one of my brothers, the one that man splains the most, his name is Glenn Handler, and he was telling me that with Cape Cod the North Atlantic area, that global warming is going to affect it into terms of shorter summers and longer winters, like it's going to be more the

opposite of what will happen on the West Coast. And then like I just got an update on Instagram from I have a place in Whistler, Canada because I love to ski, and they just predicted that this winter is going to be a freeze, like it's going to be arctic temperature. I'm like, oh shit. But so I think

everywhere it's going to be affected differently. Like I always thought of global warming as like the sea levels rising, everything gets warmer, but without that Gulf stream storm cycle that we have, it will stay colder in the North East, and we'll get colder and the winters will be more harsh or harsher, I should say. So anyway, that's your global warming update everybody. If you have any questions about that, please right into another podcast. So, Mike, what we do

is we give people advice. It's really fun, all right, So let's do it. And I want to come on your podcast too. Okay, let's do that. Um, Katherine, what do you have in store for us today? First, we'll take a quick break. We're not taking a shower because Mike just showered. I don't know who gave him that fucking note. But we'll take a break and we'll be right back and we're back amazing. Well, Mike, we have an email. We have some callers today. I hope that

these are right up your alley. So Mike's a pretty sensitive guy. I think he can probably handle whatever is coming our way, Thank goodness. So our first email comes from Blair. Blair says, Dear Chelsea, my husband and I have been talking about starting to try to have a baby, but he keeps making excuses about why we should wait a few more months. He's interviewing for new jobs and wants to be in a better place financially, we should

buy a house first, etcetera. I've tried to tell him that it's never the quote right time, and we're both in our thirties, so every month counts, and even if we did get pregnant right away, we'd have almost a whole year of pregnancy to figure things out. He tells me that I am always just doing things on my timeline without considering him. I may have booked some wedding venue walk throughs before he officially proposed, but I knew

he had the ring already. How can I talk to him about starting to try sooner without him feeling like I'm steam rolling Blair? She said, they're in their thirties. Yeah, okay, Well, as a man, I'm gonna let you take because you

probably experienced something similar to this. Oh my gosh, I mean that's a hard question, right, Like that's a I mean, she's really threatening the needle of challenging because the wedding venues thing for me is a even he had he had gotten the ring, to propose that, it's annoying to know that you did that for your husband. That would be annoying, I think to anybody, but helpful for us.

So then having gone through it and had some challenges and pregnancy like as much as whatever, people get mad if I say it actually does matter how many months you know, and like in your thirties, like there does reach a point where is an issue? Yeah, it actually is an issue. So she has a point on that front.

But I also think she might want to have a frank conversation with him about whether that's what he wants to do, because I also think it's a little bit of a fickle thing to be like, let's wait a few more months. It's like well or ever, you know what I mean? Like is that the question? Like is the question is a few more months? Or is it do you want to do this? Well? When you because since you never thought you wanted to have a kid? What happened with your relationship? How did it come about

that you decide to have one? I mean ultimately like and this is paraphrasing a ninety who longs special in a book that where I really go into the sort of minutia of it, but like, ultimately generally want to have a child, And she never thought she want to

have a child. She said, I think you'd be a good dad and this is something I want to do, And ultimately was like, well, I'm not gonna hold you back from that and that, and that's why I that's why I did it because I was like, I think it's hard to hold someone and maybe this is boring. I just said I was going to attempt to not

be boring. But it's like, I think that if you're in a relationship where you know you're capable of doing a thing that your person who you are in love with and they really want to do and you so sort of want to do it or you're okay with it, you should try to do it. Yeah. And I would also say he is not saying he doesn't want to have a kid. He's just he needs some time to

warm up to it. I would say, with your track record of what you did with the booking looking at wedding locations, that you've kind of stabbed yourself in the foot there because that's annoying. That was annoying, and that was overstepping. And I when girls do that with my guy friends, they're always pissed and they're always annoyed and it takes them a long time to get over it, but you're married now. He's not saying he doesn't want to have a child, but there is the age factor.

So all you have to do is say, listen, I don't want to bother you about this. I don't want to be up your butt. I know that I need your you to warm up to it. But there is an age factor here. So depending on where you are in your thirties, you know, if he's not ready to have one now, and maybe you want to freeze your eggs if that's an option, If that's something that's like too expensive or you don't want to go down that road, then just say, like, I need a time frame where

we can revisit this. Can we revisit it in three months or six months or you know, definitely, don't get pregnant behind his back tricking it. Don't do that, please, because that is not going to be good for your marriage. Cut that's a better answer, So I defer to that answer. Action. Okay, you can't do that on this podcast. You give your advice, but at very at least I can I can show that I've growth during the he's growing during the podcast. This is unbelievable. What do you have to say on

the topic. I mean, I'm somebody who's sort of in the throes of this right now, where I'm like, I'm thirty seven. It's sort of like do we or don't we? And I mean, we're in this position where it's if it happens, it happens, but it is tough. We got married. I was very young. I was a baby at twenty three. When we got married. He was twenty nine, and he really wanted to have kids and I never wanted to

have kids. And over the years it's sort of shifted where I'm like, yeah, I could see that being a relationship I want to have in the future with a child, and now he's sort of but everything's going so well, like why would we want to change that and have a baby? So I don't know. We're sort of in some murky waters together, but it's also kind of nice to both be in a murky spot together. Then you're

both on the same page with each other. Nobody's pressuring or forcing the other person, and that just is never a good approach. So that's your advice. Be murky so stuck on that al right, Well, Blair, let us know if and when he decides he wants to get pregnant. I guess also make him watch the new one, because what's special. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was like, wait, what do we talk? I'm sorry by that, of course endlessly confusing. So our next submission is from a caller.

Rachel says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest sibling out of three, and I seem to be the only one who gets along with everyone, which has made me kind of the glue for the whole family. One of my sisters is going through a divorce, and unfortunately it's not been a very amicable one. It seems that her soon to be ex husband is being as petty, hurtful, and reactive as possible. They have two children, ages five and two, and those

kids are everything to me. My brother in law and I have been in each other's lives for thirteen years now. She's twenty seven, so that's a lot of her life. And he was always the brother I never had. When he and my sister are starting having issues, he would always turn to me for advice. He'd call me almost daily for months, and I'd always pick up, even though it was causing me tremendous emotional stress. Being dragged into

the middle of their problems. Unfortunately, when things took a legal turn, I basically had to step back and let the court take action. It's been about five months now and my brother in law and I have not spoken. Now here's the messy part. I'm getting married in December of this year. Before my sister and her husband's issues got serious, I asked my niece and nephew to be my flower girl and ring bearer in my wedding, which of course they excitedly accepted. I can't imagine my wedding

day without them. There just one big problem. My brother in law has custody of the kids the week of my wedding, and I have a very strong feeling he will not let them come to the wedding. I've already reached out to him by sending him a heartfelt email, but he has not replied. I sent that email two months ago. If my sister were to ask him to trade weeks, he would immediately do the opposite of what

she asks, just to hurt her. I don't know what to do from here on out, and was just hoping that you have any advice on how to get through to a very stubborn person who's hurting and in a lost place. Rachel. Oh, that is such a bummer. Hi, Rachel, Hi, how are you hi? All right? This is Mike. He's our guest today for Big Leah. And you know Catherine because you've probably touched base with her, yes, Hi Rachel. Oh God, Rachel, that is such a bad position to

be in. I'm so sorry. Yeah, it sucks. It's all right. I've kind of accepted it as it is, because now it's been about three months since he's replied and talking with my sister, Like, he hasn't chilled out at all. So he's like legally bound to reply to her because of the kids obviously, But yeah, I don't expect to reply. I haven't reached out again. He has full custody of

the kids. No, it's split fifty. Oh, so he just has them during the time that you're getting married, and she's offered to trade until that would mean he would get Thanksgiving this year, Christmas this year, and Christmas next year. And did he respond to that? Huh, he's just doing it to be ugly. Yeah, But like, my niece is really excited for the wedding, and I mean we have to start buying stuff like her little flower girl dress and everything, so we kind of need to know. Oh god,

what a devastating conundrum. I know. My instinct is like, Okay, can the niece ask the father Daddy, I want to go to the wedding, But I don't know how you want to involve young children like that, right, And she doesn't know yet about the whole situation. She just knows she's going. She knows she's going. Yeah, we haven't told her basically that her dad has said she can't go.

And she's five. She's five, Okay, Well I would say when you see her next, you'll see her next, right before the wedding, obviously, to talk to her about it and about the excitement of a flower girl being a flower girl, so that she can bring that information back to her dad with her. And I hear what you're saying about it backfiring. But it's much harder to say no to your kid than it is to say no to your ex wife. Yeah, that's true. Also, is it is the wedding close to where you live or now?

It's about three hours Houston and Austin, So I mean there is something to be said for bargaining with something longer versus shorter, like we'll get her for the day, or we'll get we'll get the kids for the day and then trade a week for it or something like that. Yeah, she's offered any of a year and he hasn't responded to that. So sorry. Yeah, I think you can just keep pressing it, you know what I mean. I don't

think you should give up. I think you should talk to your niece, and I think you should send him another email. Don't make it long, just make it short, assistinct, and just say this is one of the most important days of my life. I understand what a difficult time

you're going through. I understand that tensions are high, but can you please just think of me on this occasion and think of your daughter and the experience that we could share together, and make it short and sweet, and you know, just throw it out there one more time, and also tell your niece so that she can go home without information and talk to her dad about it.

But I don't think when you're talking to your niece that's so tricky, because like you don't want her to go back and say I'm going to the wedding, because then then he feels like he's been stripped of his decision making power, which is clearly what he's holding onto. Right, I'm also imagining like this angry Texan man. Yeah, like I'm just picture I'm wearing a cowboy hat, Texas man. He's not your typical Texas man. Oh he's not. Okay,

how would you describe him? He's a very like prideful person, played basketball in college, and he was raised by a single mother and so he's very independent. So yeah, it just sucks because he's so angry with my sister because she was ready to finally get a divorce. But he's really only hurting me and my niece and she I thought we were very close, and so that hurts as well. I mean, I lost one of my closest friends, but I can accept that. But it sucks for my sister.

But also it's my wedding, and yeah, my niece isience yea, And I just think in your next email, you should definitely just say it again like this is from love. Please don't take this experience away from us based on what happened between you and my sister. This is about you. What's your niece's name? Marley Marley. Marley, and I want to share this. I want her to remember my wedding day. I want her to be a part of this. This

is like a historical family moment. And I know things suck and you're upset, but I didn't do this, and Marley certainly didn't do anything right. That's true. You need to say that should I email him or should I actually text him or give him a call? Yeah, whatever you think you're most comfortable with. I would give him a call if you think he might answer that your call. I mean, I always think it's better writing. I just find to be a little bit more people have more

reflection on. When you can read something a few times and then you see the points that somebody's making, it kind of lands a little bit more heavily. And so I would send the email and then if you don't care back from him again, then you can text him or call him. But yeah, don't give up. You have nothing to lose. That's true. I am already accepted not having her, So I just got to keep trying because you can't be disappointed anymore. Yeah, I remember to impress

that this is a family moment. This is your niece. That's never going to change, and why should she miss your wedding? Why should she be punished because of anything. We're willing to make compromises here. We're willing to give you them on Christmas right now. He knows he's in the power seats, so he's probably because why wouldn't he want them for both Christmas Is and Thanksgiving if he's feeling like that. So I bet you he's probably thinking about it and just holding his power and doesn't want

to give it away until the very last minute. If he's so angry and prideful. Yeah, that's exactly what my sister said, because she was saying if he were to say no, she thinks he would just say it right then and there. Okay, So don't give up, hope, just keep trying. Yeah. She and I talked a little bit about this, and I had asked if he has other family and Rachel he said, he's clothes with his mom

as well. Right, Yeah, so that might be another angle to you know, if you don't hear back from a call, you don't hear back from an email, to go talk to his mom and implore her, like we really want this, we love him, we love her. The kids but I can see from her face that that might not be the best character. Like, yeah, but you know what, she's a mother, yeah, and a grandma, Yeah, and a grandmother.

And there's there's a way into everybody. I mean, some people there's no way in, but there you know, you just have to work under the assumption if this is something that's so important to you, which obviously it is, you just kind of have to try every avenue. Yeah, the the extreme, this is the comedic. Non don't do this version. I hate my sister too, but listen, but listen, I want what's best for the kids. Know sucks, but yeah, that would be a good avenue to probably, But no, really,

you have an awesome sister. If she's willing to give up two Christmas in a row to like make sure her kids can come to your wedding, oh my gosh, are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, listen, you're gonna have an incredible day no matter what. And if it works out, which hopefully it will, that would be great. It's going to be great regardless of whether they're there or not. It's not the end of the world.

It's just a bummer. And so you know, I don't want you to like spend your day thinking about who's not there. To spend your day thinking about who's there. It's like when you're performing stand up and people are pissed if it's not sold out. It's like focus on the people that are sitting there about tickets, not on

the fifty seats that are empty. For sure. And if for some reason it really doesn't work out and he really refuses, like schedule a little photo shoot and have her put on her dress and you put on your dress and you guys can dance around the living room or take pictures in the garden, but like do something special. Good. That's a cute idea. I like that too. So many options. Yeah, yeah, well, thank you guys. Let us know what happens. Okay, Rachel, Well for sure, I'm going to reach out to him

probably today. Okay, good, good, and congratulations on your wedding. Thank you, Thank you so much. So it's good talk to you guys. Bye. See how serious this sh it is. It was supposed to be a fun podcastle I know, I know this is how it is all the time. People think I'm a doctor. Oh, I know this is I mean, but you've you both have good solutions. I mean, I don't have much for these folks. Now you have a male perspective. That's important. Were talking about men and

both of these situations, right, you know. So it's good to have a male perspective, especially a straight mail, because I don't have a lot of straight mails on this podcast for obvious reasons. And you're somebody that is not like that. So it's nice to have a nice male opinion to be implemented or incorporated into this. Just imagining though, the guy when you're so angry, it's like, buddy, let it go. Why are you holding onto anger? It's like

cancer causing Yeah. Have you ever been angry like that? I've had. Yeah. You know, my dad growing up was always had an anger streak, and I feel like it it boils in me. But because I grew up with a dad who is angry, I keep it inside. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I'm not explosive, sort of never shout. Yeah. I can't imagine you yelling at anybody. Yeah, definitely, it's a It's a real emotion comes through me. Do you get angry I used to get Yeah, I get angry.

I get pissed because I have a temper, but I know how to regulate it and I don't act on it most of the time. I used to what's your trick for for regulating it? I just know now, like I've been to therapy, Like I went for intensive therapy for like two years. I had someone I'm like, fix me, Why am I yelling at people? And like I would fly off the handle at someone a stranger if they did something, And now I'm just like, no, it doesn't matter, Like just be cool. It's just better to have. My

trick is just if I'm being reactive. If I feel that, I don't, I walk away, Like I literally just go in another room, walk walk down the street. I'm like, you're never acting like that again. You've done too much work on yourself to reduce yourself, and I always just feel like you're kind of negating all of the positivity that you put out in the world when you act like an asshole. Yeah, so I just remind myself of that.

That's really good. Here's the good idea joke about my dad or he would get so angry and he wasn't even sure why. He'd be like, goddamn it. I'm eating pretzels, you know, like, is he angry? Is he hungry? What is the emotion being expressed? But that was that was that was always my Yeah. And the other one ahead was true from childhood is where's that goddamn horrible phone? And uh, and my mom's role in the family was

to just find the portable phone. And I always feared that one day they forget what the end of the joke is. But gosh, it was so years, so many years ago, you know how sometimes you have jokes or like twenty years old and you're like, I remember exactly. But my dad, honestly, like he would be like, God, damn what I mean, preszls? Goddamn what wears the portable phone? And I always grew up around that, and I was like, I'm not going to do that, but I do feel

the emotion. He feels like the rage sometimes how come this thing is so wrong? Yeah? I mean Also, my dad had a really bad temper and which to punish him, my mom would hide the remote control. That was his punishment because she was passive aggressive and she couldn't go head to head with him in the arguing department, so she would just rearrange furniture and move things around so he would be more confused about And that was her way.

And then she'd go upstairs to her bedroom and like go to sleep at six o'clock, which is also a trade I picked up from my mother. I love to be in bed, love it at early hours. And when it's light out and I get into bed and I have like a nice sandwich on my nightstand and like three hours of television ahead of me, I cannot be happier. I know. That's what single people can do. Well. I don't want to say, Mike, thanks to the miracle of the Internet. I do remember how you finish that joke,

because I listened to it. Was that they eventually invented portable phones that had like a pager and they would beep, and so your parents, you know, could get a divorce because there was no world from your mom anymore. That's right. That's a very good Yeah, good job, I mean, thanks to the Internet. Okay, what do we have next, Catherine? Okay, so this is from Emma. Emma's here with us as well as a little bit lighter. Jesus, Dear Chelsea, my name is Emma. I'm twenty nine years old. I live

in Toronto, Ontario, and I'm too happy. The past few years were some of the worst years of my life. As a social work manager at a health care for facility for seniors, I had to watch my clients drowning in the pandemic. I was stuck in a relationship with a serial cheater, was staring at fifteen thousand dollars of credit card debt and completely neglecting my physical health. Cut to today, my debt is paid off. I'm living in my dream apartment, think Carrie in Sex in the city,

driving my dream car. I've picked up a second job with a promotion on the way. I'm healthier than ever, with an amazing group of friends, and I'm in love with the most wonderful, handsome kind man. So what's your problem? Right? Oh, wait for it. There have been countless times in the past several months where I'm bursting with gratitude on the verge of tears. I'm on cloud nine. I had previously

dated garbage men and not the city employee kind. This man encourages me, supports me, makes me laugh, but acknowledges I'm funnier, loves my friends. My mom says he looks like a guy from a Hallmark Christmas movie. He's normal in the best ways, and I want to spend my life with him. Recently, however, we've started talking about moving in together later this year. For some reason, the last time we spoke about this, I had a pit in my stomach. What if I didn't enjoy my single time enough?

What about my cute, solw carry apartment? Is there going to be enough excitement with all this nice nonsense? The darkest parts of my own demons tell me I'll self sabotage my way out of this, or even worse, I'll get bored. How do I ensure my hard work and manifestation of all this good doesn't go to waste? How do I make myself open and unafraid to the love I deserve? Emma, Hi, Hi, Hi. This is Mike bro big Leiah. He's our special guest today and that's how Yeah.

I'm great. I'm just on a bit of a break from work, so I popped home. Yeah, what do you do? I'm a social worker. Oh, good for you. That's nice. Mike had a lot he thought there was a lot of unpacked I'm gonna let him take the lead because it's a two partner in a certain way, Like she was saying that the last two and a half years or such. Hell yeah, I feel like this is always

worth pointing out. The last two and a half years have been complete in total hell for like free, awful and like we should never stop talking about you know what I mean, Like it's so fucking mad, and I feel like sometimes we're all playing it cool, like oh yeah, okay, we're doing our best, whenever it's like no, no, it's a horrible, unprecedented, once a hundred years situation. It's like war times, right. So that's so that's part one. I

feel like absolutely want to hang lantern on that. And then the second thing is having to do with like, are you if you're afraid of moving in with someone? I would just say just don't move in, just wait. I would wait, I just wait on that, because it's like, what's the rush? I don't get the unless there's a rush thing that I don't know about. Are you do you feel comfortable waiting to move in? Or is that something you Why is there a rush? I mean, ideally, ideally,

I agree with you. I think two years sounds nice to me. I think you know, you never get that time when you're dating back like it's such a nice time, especially if you really are enjoying each other's company. I mean, like,

I agree, what's the rush? I wish that finances weren't what they are, and I wish that rent wasn't what it is, and I wish that that wasn't such a huge factor because if we're looking, you know, if we really want to spend our life together and we're looking to build for the future, saving like ten fifteen grand in one year, it makes logical sense so that it

can pay off later on. I mean, he's with me six nights a week, you know, I can have those conversations with him where we can look for that time where we can spend separately so we can preserve some of the mystery. I would agree, I would love to wait a little bit longer. But there's you know, there's other factors. I guess. No, it's definitely a financial like the housing markets insane right now. I know, but that's

fifteen or ten thousand dollars. Like I understand your social worker and that you're working within your salary, but I really don't think you should make decisions based on finances if you can't. If you can, you know, like that's

not the right reason to move in with someone. I want to say from your entire First of all, I want to double a piggyback on what Mike said about the last two and a half years, because I think half the people even understand what kind of post traumatic stress they're going to have in five years from what we just all went through. Like some people feel it and felt it throughout the pandemic, and some people aren't gonna feel anything for two years, and it's like delayed grief.

You know. The other thing is reading listening to your letter. You need to reread your letter a similar point. That is a saboteurs mindset. You just said it out loud. What's going on. Everything's fine, Everything's working out. You're spending six nights a week with somebody. You obviously are into them, You're obviously feeling very strong feelings. Everything in your life is going great. Enjoy this moment that you're in without

worrying about sucking it up. Make a plan with your boyfriend of when you are going to move in together, or when you're gonna talk more seriously about moving in together, and even if it's only like three months before. I don't know what's your least situation right now, Do you have a year lease or something? Like? It's stable? Everything stable, And I mean realistically, I entered into this lease on

my own. I got this on my own. I built up the money to get this, so, like my trajectory at that time was to be paying for this on my own. So introducing someone into that it's it's like a bonus. But you're right, it's not something that I was counting on. Ever. I was also concerned about the way you described your boyfriend as being like a Hallmark card. I was like, yeah, I don't know, I don't love

that like Hallmark cards. Well nobody does. But I mean that doesn't mean, you know, that's not the c I don't think that's the crux of the letter and of what you're saying, right, Like, I think if you introduced, have you guys spoken about living together yet? Yeah? We like that's kind of the best part. Like there's nothing that I can't comfortably share with him. I was excited

to talk about this. You know, it's great. There any deep dark you know, things deep down I can air out with him and he can, you know, meet me there and not take anything personally. The hallmark part is just like he's built for mass appeal, Like he is just jealous who wants to be described as a Hallmark card. So it's wonderful. Yeah, and how long have you guys been to get other? Now just kind of a year? Yeah, I think you should have a conversation and just say, listen,

we're all we're both moving in the same direction. I want to be with you probably you know, for interminably, and I and let's let's revisit this subject in six months, because I'm so enjoying this dating and also of having our own you know, smaller amounts of personal space, which are so important. And let's just revisit this in six months.

There's no pressure to do anything. And I think you're very like you have a lot of self awareness and just sit in that positivity and understanding that you're lucky and being waking up and having gratitude every single day is like really the key to having a healthy, happy life because obviously things are going to go wrong at certain points in your life, but it's important to remember what things are going right. And it sounds like so

many things are happening for you. Yeah, there's this really funny phenomenon where in times of sadness or anger, the idea that this too shall pass is so comforting. But then, you know, on the flip side, when you get this happiness and you work this hard and you get whatever it is that you're hoping to achieve, it somehow takes as a personal loss or personal failing if that happiness

becomes just as fluctuating. So I think gratitude is a really excellent way to kind of combat that and just be happy for what it is here and it's expected to go because we can't have the ups without the downs too. So I'm working towards being in that state of being afraid that this house of cards is just going to collapse on me, just to be yeah, just to be happy and to live in the present moment with it cool. Yeah, I think you're fine, Emma. I

think you're going to be just fine. Not really worried about you. Okay, that's comforting, Thank you, Mike. Are you worried about her? No? She seems good and I think your advice is good and I think she the gratitude is smart. Also, you know, it's a good tip for granted gratitude. Journal Yeah, right down every few days what you're grateful for. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, there's something about journaling.

One of my my therapist told me something once. Journaling has proven scientific data that you are like releasing emotion right, whether it's good or bad. Writing down your thoughts is just a great way of reflecting. And so many people don't have time to even reflect. You know, you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off half the time. I know I am, and you know, when I sit down, like this week, I haven't meditated once

because I've been in New York. I'm like, well, and I was about to say, well, I don't really have time, and then I was like, of course you have time. You can do it when you go to bed. I'm like, well, then by then I'm ship faced. So I can't really meditate when I'm like coming home after you know, at two in the morning here in New York. I've come to New York and act like a rock star. I don't know what I'm so is because yeah, it's revitalized

in a major way. But but on journaling front, I in my new show, I have a line where I say every night I like to write down, or every few nights is the truth. Every few nights I like to write down what I'm saddest about or angriest about, because I find that if you write that down, you can see your own life as a story. And when you see your own life as a story, you can zoom out and encourage the main character to make better. To sit. Wow, love dropping the bike. Yeah, I love that.

That's great. That's really good advice. I love your secret public journals. Thanks, thanks so much. I really do that, and that's good advice. It is my partner. He's really into journaling. We read his together. So maybe I'll take a page out of the cool Cool Thank you Emma for calling in and yeah, yeah, just take your time and you're gonna have everything is going to be great. Thank you so much, you guys. I really appreciate this. Sure, Thanks Emma. Bye bye. I love our callers. I know

they're so sweet. I know so earnest. I love that. Yeah. Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll come back to wrap up with Mike and Chelsea. What a positive what a positive podcast, Good vibrations. We'll be right back and we're back. Well, Mike, this is a point in our show where we wanted to see if you would like some advice from Chelsea. Yes, Mike, do you have any advice that you would like to ask me about. I'm multiple multiple things. I'm just trying to narrow down when

do you think a friendship is over? I'm being abstract, but I but I've had a couple of things over the years where I've been like, oh, Okay, I think this friendship just might be Yeah. I think if you think that, that's probably it's it. You know, like, that's also, you know, something for you to journal about. Probably. I used to think friendships ending were a sign of my inability to behave and now I understand that friendships ending

are just a part of life. There are people that come in and out for specific periods of time for you to either influence them or for them to influence you or be a comfort or be an inspiration or however the dynamic plays out. And that doesn't mean it has to be forever, because really nothing is forever. Everything is short lived or you know, like nothing lasts forever, And it's okay to have a healthier outlook about the ending of a friendship. It's not that bad, and it

doesn't have to be an explosive thing. It just has to be like, listen, we're in different places and you know we're taking a break. If if you even have to address it, I mean, is it something you have to address to another person or just to yourself. You probably like run into the person like a couple of times a year. Yeah, then that's friendship, is what it is. Anyway.

It's not close or right, So yeah, I think it's just it's nice to think about it in a way that it's not necessary with a reflection of either person. You're just not on the same page exactly anymore. And then that is an opening also for different people to come into your life. Like there's nothing I love more than constantly meeting new people and making new friends. That actually it's funny, as you say, when it started to happen is when I became friends and Ryan, Oh really yeah,

I always think that happens. There's a universal balance that happens professionally, personally health wise. When anything you know seesaws in one way, there's always something else that levels everything out. And I find that to be true all the time, and I'd like to pay attention to that stuff now. Thank you so much, Mike. You're so welcome, You're awesome. I'm so grateful that you came today. I'm so happy

to see you. I haven't seen you in forever. It's been probably twenty years, and and uh, I've just been admiring you from afar for all these years. I'm honored to be on the podcast and I can't wait to have you on working it out. Yeah, we'll definitely do that. Thank you, Katherine. Would you like to say goodbye to our guest. Bye, Mike. I'm waving. I'm waving him looking for the camera to waite. I've been following you since you were jumping out of windows. So, oh my gosh,

oh so special. Means so much. Thank you so much. I'm so glad we we made it work. And goodbye and goodbye and goodbye. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We have a special call for submissions

this week. If you've done any sort of genetic testing and maybe made a disc recovery about a new family member or found out that your uncle maybe has a secret family somewhere, or you found some health markers related to your DNA that have led you to take certain steps and investigate further, and especially if you'd like advice about what you found out in your DNA analysis, please

write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.