Hey, everyone, It's Sophia Bush, host of the podcast Work in Progress. I started Work in Progress because I'm a curious person, and I realized there are so many people I get to speak to that are fascinating and rare, and so I thought, why not take these conversations out into the world. You can join us and listen to Work in Progress on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Hi, Catherine, Oh hello, Jelsey. Hi, I'm fresh off the boat. Fresh out the boat from Greece.
I mean, you're even wearing a Chloe White shirt.
Like headed back to Europe as soon as we get we were done with this, I'm going back. No, we actually did take a boat to Greece. We took a ferry boat from Athens to Paros, which was like three and a half hours. Oh yeah, So, and then I took the flight back. I took a flight from Paros to Athens, and so I can't decide which one was more unpleasant, the flight or the boat.
Was the flight bumpy?
No, it was just the airport. You know when there're those little, small, tiny airports and there's like a line and it takes like an hour to check in and there's nobody really there. It was just one of those. It was fine, we got there safely. I think that's probably the most important thing, but I'm not positive. I'm not positive that's the most important thing, but I think it might be the most important thing. I announced three dates.
I'm doing three more stand up dates to close out the year because I decided that I wanted to spread a little bit more of joy and sunshine around this country. Since you know, things are in such a good place.
We need a little escapism.
Yes, So aside from my Vegas residency, my next date is July fifth, I'll be in Vegas, everybody, so hopefully you'll be joining me there. I'm going to do West Hampton Beach, New York on August twenty first. Then I'm going to headline the Fringe, a festival in Rochester, New York on September third, and then I'm going to be in Napa, California on October third. So I'm just adding those three dates. It's it's not like a tour. I'm just doing some stand up to round out the year.
So I hope you get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.
And it's fresh material, right.
It's all new material. It's all a lot of LSD in there, a lot of stuff that we've touched upon on the show, and a lot of me smuggling LSD from country to country. Basically, I've just started leaving stashues in different countries that I visit so that I don't have to keep continue traveling with it. Now that I'm
talking about it so publicly on stage. I mean I've always talked about it publicly, but on stage specifically, I'm like, Okay, I better stop talking about it and also continuing to carry it with you.
Yeah, traveling with it is not that's.
The That's probably not the best idea.
It's is going to be there waiting for you when you get there. That's perfect.
Yes, yes, yes, So I'm assuming that at some point I'll be on some sort of list that will prevent me from returning to my homeland. I'm just making that assumption. But I've been to so many countries already and it's only June. I'm so excited. But I'm getting surgery when I get back on July seventh. I'm getting foot surgery on my little bunyan net I'm calling it a bunyan net because it makes it sound cuter.
It's much cuter. Did your ear little toast spacers didn't do the trick?
Now, the toast spacers probably would work if you're like twenty and you're really trying to nip it in the bud. I bet those are helpful. But I'm fifty and mine isn't on the inside of my foot. It's on the outside of my foot. I think it's related to my knee injury because I like lean a certain way on one leg, so I just can't look at it like that, I mean, and so I have to remove it. And it's apparently a little bit of a hectic recovery. But we'll see, we'll see. I like recoveries.
Yeah, you get to like take a bunch of fun drugs and like chill it home. Yeah, unless I'm making you work, because I'm like, you want to just schedule a bunch of podcasts while you're well.
Ideally that would be me walking downstairs. But apparently my house will not be ready. For the fiftieth time in my life, my house is not ready for move in. I just got that news. It did not go over well, but we are in the home stretch.
I'm being told, Oh, I'm very happy to hear that for you.
I'm sorry, Cheles. It's really tough to be displaced for that long, and the gross and competence of it all is just mind boggling. I know, it's unreal. I can't believe it. I can't. I mean, I can't believe I'm even still talking about it. It's just absolutely absurd. My family's like, why don't you talk to a therapist? I'm like, about my house? You want me to talk to a therapist about my house? I did, actually a year ago. I had a conversation. It should I have the same
fucking conversation I had one year ago. For some reason, I'm so resentful every time something happens with a house. I'm so angry towards my family. Like I'm like, I'm always the one who's getting everybody out of bad situations. Yet here I am, and no one's getting me out of this situation. I keep waiting for someone to come and rescue me, but oh my god, no one's rescuing me.
I mean, if anyone out there has advice on how to get RFK Judu out of a home. Have you tried a priest?
I I haven't tried an exorcism, but I did have a healer and like a house cleanser come by that obviously didn't take. And I'm now in a lawsuit with my prior contractor. So it's just just the hitscheets on coming. But listen, you know what, It's just a house, and I have other homes, and obviously I don't I don't whatever. I can't complain about my life, so I won't continue to.
Well, you know what, pretty soon you'll be out of the country anyway, and you'll have to be in Canada or Spain, so it'll you know, it'll just come on the wash, right.
Yeah, I'm heading out here from as soon as we get off today, I'm going up to Boston. I'm gonna record mel Robins's podcast tomorrow morning. Nice nice, uh huh. And they gave me instructions, specific instructions not to arrive early because there's no waiting room. Well that's delightful, thank you for that warm, warm welcome.
That's the worst thing they can say to a person who's always early.
God, yeah, I know exactly who's our guest this week?
Oh, our guest this week is your buddy, Sophia Bush.
Oh Bush, She's a bush lover. Sophia Bush Lover is our guest this week. This week, I was gonna say this weekend, I'm already in Glastonbury in my head. Yeah, Sophia Bush. Oh, this is a great interview. I'm excited.
Yes. And her new movie The Stranger in My Home is out now on video on demand.
Love it. Hi guys, Oh baby, it's your baby. Hi, baby, baby baby, Hi. Videyback ribs.
How are you and good?
What are you doing?
Oh?
You know, just getting ready to talk to you. I've been seeing a lot of you. Actually, we've been seeing a lot of each other.
Yes, well, not as much as I would like, but it has been fun to do well.
It's never enough. It's never enough. Congrats on your interview with Michelle Obama on Sophia's podcast Work in Progress. She did a two part episode with Michelle Obama that was all over the place and it was a fucking great interview.
Thank you.
It's so much fun. It's like hanging with her for that section of time, you know, felt a lot like when we all get together, like it's it's crazy to you know, look up to someone like her for so long, and to watch the way she navigates the global stage and then to like hang out and wish you had a cocktail to shoot the shit. I was like, God, the world must forget that you're also just this wonderful human. You don't always have to be like a leader or
a figurehead. She's funny and sassy and has such great advice about life and love and parenting and all the things, and it was really cool.
Yeah, I mean I think she does. It's so annoying when everybody always, like, you know, I'm in Canada, Everyone's like, why can't Michelle Obama run? I'm like, Michelle Obama doesn't want to be the fucking president of the United States. She didn't want anything to do with it the first eight years, like as if it's her responsibility to run.
And I always just think about how annoying that must be for her to constantly hear that, as if it's that simple, you know, as if she's just supposed to give away the next eight years of her life.
Yeah.
I think people don't understand what a service is required to be in public office, like any sort of real political organizing takes so much work, and you certainly can become a target for things. You have to give up a lot of things when you run for office. It's like it's not a one plus one equals two situation. It's like to the power of fifty. Everything is amplified and enlarged, and at the same time your life really shrinks.
And I think people I don't know, probably because the internet's full of trolls who say shitty things that travel very far. But people are like, oh, yeah, you know, they're doing it for the money or the exposure. And I'm like, they don't make any money and they literally can't go outside, like like she can't go for a walk anymore without guards. So everybody take it just relax.
Yeah, it's like she's really kind of, you know, since she left office, also really letting her hair down and being more of herself to the public and yeah, which is really you know, she doesn't have to do that either. She doesn't have to like bother with at the public. She doesn't have to do anything. But when I mean, that's just how devoted they are to public service, is that they all are over you know, they're always involved.
I think so and I really think it's also something when you have to bite your tongue for so long, when you have to put your you know, sort of professionalism or decorum first. I think, yes, decorum is something we should aspire to have, especially in public life. I think they are people of incredible class and integrity, and I think eventually it gets really tiresome to always have
to be quiet or be perfect or whatever. And She's kind of like, guys, I'm also just a lady and I'm gonna have cocktails with my girlfriends, i want to go play tennis. My kids are out of the house. I'm gonna go visit them, and then I'm going to enjoy my life like this.
Is my time.
And I think, I know, that's such an exciting example for me to see among my friends. Imagine the power that you know, a former first lady has to do that, let alone one with like Princeton and Harvard degrees. Who I mean, she's just like the coolest person.
Yeah, she really is the coolest person. Let's talk about your cool person. Tell me how that feels to be a hot considered a hot lesbian.
Quite an honor. I mean, you know what's funny is you do this weird math like if you're dating, if you're a woman dating men, nobody wants to talk to you about your sexuality. They just want to either say like you're a prude or a slot. You know, if you date too much, they criticize you. If you don't date, you must be frigid, whatever. And then the thing that gets added when you're actually more fluid with your sexuality is the swing goes from nobody gives a shit who
you're sleeping with too. You better identify exactly who you are so we can figure out what name to call you. And it's like okay, And you know, I sort of looked around and was like, has nobody been paying attention to like all the hot girls I've been kissing on camera and like, you know, maybe not in front of you off camera, but Hi, I've always been here.
Right, But let's talk about that a little because that's that seems to be the kind of calculus or the consensus now that we have some retrospection of the election, and yeah, and people are talking about the identity politics of the left, and I know you talk a lot, you know, we both talk a lot politically together and you know, without each other what is your view on that of us focusing so much? Because my view is like, when we say, oh, you guys focused too much on
the trans issue, you guys were too inclusive. It didn't have to be like that big of an issue, and it was like, well, but trans people were starting to have problems with other people and there were lawsuits and somebody has to get on the side of that, like on the right side of things. So it wasn't like it wasn't like liberals were like, oh my god, what's another issue we can tackle that's going to be really exclusionary to white supremacis. Oh, trans people will go be
with them. That's not how it happened. Now, how do you think about when you reflect about that issue and LGBTQ rights issues and the left being too focused on that. In many people's opinions, I.
Think it's all just such bullshit, Chelsea. Honestly, it's like, what do you mean, we're too focused on being nice to people? What the fuck are you talking about? And we're not too focused. To be clear, the Trump campaign spent something like it was either twenty seven million or fifty seven million dollars on those ads that were like she's for they them, and I'm for you, Like, ew, you fucking creepy sexual predator, stop talking about people's genitalia. They they have outsized an issue.
In a way that makes me so sad.
You know, just this week they're ranting on Fox News about like, oh, you know, all the athletes are trans, and it's like there are less than ten trans athletes out of five hundred and ten thousand athletes in the NC DOUBLEA leave these people alone. Like to be the smallest and most vulnerable group in the world and to constantly have people project all their shit and fear and anger at you, It's it's not only traumatizing for people,
it's so dangerous. And when you start seeing these these rollbacks of protections, you know, homosexuality being criminalized in Trinidad and Tobago this year, when you see right wingers literally trying to encourage the Supreme Court to overturn marriage equality, Like, let me be clear, I've tried that with some dudes who turned out not to be great. I deserve to try to just to be just as miserable with any fucking woman of my choosing as I was in my past.
Like what you think the lesbians don't deserve to be as unhappy as you all, like shut up, and it's you know, joking aside. It's like a right. It doesn't matter if it's not a right for everyone, because then you're not concerned with freedom. This is something Tim Wallace
says a lot. He goes, you know, you can't say you're concerned with freedom and then try to deny freedoms for people, then what you really want is privilege, and like for what, And I don't know why the right has been able to so effectively weaponize the idea that a quality is somehow an attack, Like it's not, guys, I hate to tell you you, maga folks, nobody's thinking about you that much. We're all just trying to like raise our kids and pay our bills and do our shit.
I don't care whose marriage makes you uncomfortable. Don't be in a marriage that makes you uncomfortable, and move along with your day. Same for people's healthcare, same for how people live. Like, maybe if you stop running around with baseball bats, attacking people antiki torches and beating up cops, like you could just live peacefully in whatever weird way you want to live, Like we're they're living well and
kindly like back off. I just don't. I don't want to fall into the trap that we're supposed to abandon people to somehow seem more neutral, Like neutrality never got anybody anywhere.
That's true. How do you feel about everything?
Like?
What are you? What's your state of mind right now? Politically? I?
Oh, man, I think things are very bad, and I think they're moving in such a terrible direction at such speed that in a way, a lot of people are looking around going look, I know it's a lot of noise, but nothing's really happening. And I'm like, you don't get where you're going to be in eighteen months, Like if as retribution because Gavin Newsom won't kiss the ring, Donald Trump clearcuts all of California's forests, Like do you understand what that's going to do? Not just to California, to
the nation. You know, this guy wanted to crash the stock markets. His friends could make hundreds of billions of dollars and he said so in the Oval Office and bragged about it, and you know, pointed out how many billions they all made when he went JK, no tariffs. It's like I just want to know, honestly, how Martha Stewart feels about it. I'm like, bitch, you went to prison for so much less, Like how are you doing in Bedford? Are you mad? Are you getting stoned? Are you laughing?
Like?
What is going on here? It's it's so crazy And what's coming? You know, the the RFK at you know HHS, and the dismantling of lead protection teams at the CDC, and like, I mean, it's about to get like so bad.
And what would be the motivation for them poisoning people? Because that's effectively what they're doing by dismantling these agencies, Like people are going to get sick and die. What would be the advantage? What would their mo be going into that?
They want everybody to get sick and die, Chelsea. And I know that might sound crazy, but you're not trying to defund Medicare if you don't want people to die, because dead people are less expensive to take care of. They don't care. These are people who have, you know, the fifty thousand dollars a year concierge doctor who flies to them. These are people who who have now the whole White House medical apparatus. Serving as their own personal dispensary.
I don't know if you saw that writer's article about how during the last Trump administration they were handing out like I mean, amphetamines, opioids, like they were just prescribing shit to people who worked in the White House like willy nilly. They're going to get what they need, just like any mistress of Donald Trump who's ever been pregnant that he's wanted to have an abortion has had one allegedly,
you know, allegedly allegedly. I'm like, I'm not about to get sued for calling an adjudicated rapist or rapist like what a ridiculous man he is and clearly a tyrant. But they're going to get what they need. They just
don't care. They don't care if your you know, elderly grandparent doesn't get their Social Security check because if they did, they wouldn't be Supposedly, this hit the news last week, moving all the comms for Social Security onto Twitter, like what what eighty year olds know how to use x dot com? Like the shock and awe is the goal, And you see it in the way that they behave, in what they're doing and in how they talk about people. Right, Like you see the way Donald Trump loves Putin, He
loves dictators. He says, you know, oh yeah, the dictator of North Korea is people all really bowed to him, they really respect him. I want that. And then you've got JD. Vance using absolutely derogatory language, not only to insult our allies in Europe and you know, on the base in Greenland, but talking about China and saying, quote, these Chinese peasants and he says the word it's like dripping with judgment. They want to create a peasant class and an oligarchy in America so we can't ever get
out from under it. Like they love this shit. They're like they're horny for oligarchs and kleptocrats, like they want to be that.
And it's interesting now that.
You sort of see a lot of people go, WHOA. I thought maybe the federal government was too big, maybe it wasn't efficient, But I didn't realize what they did. I didn't realize what their programs ran. I didn't realize how much of my life they took care of. And it's like, well, yeah, you didn't realize it. Because Mitch McConnell made it his mission over forty years ago to defund education in America because they started to see that uneducated people.
Vote for them, and that's it.
And I don't say that to judge people, Like it's hard to get a good education because they've made it hard. They make having an intellect seem like it's elitist. And it's like, that's the whole reason my great grandparents came here for a better life and to be like, we want to pursue the American education system. We want to give that to our children, Like my family built a great, big,
beautiful American dream life for that. So when you start to really peel the layers back, and I think see that these folks have tried to tarnish everything that actually makes America any word you want to fill in the blank, great, exceptional, special, something worth fighting for. They want to break it down
and sell it for parts. And once you start to look at these guys like a bunch of used car salesmen, I think it gets easier to understand why they behave the way they behave, and also why their suits are so bad.
Oh, the suits are the worst. Oh, there's nothing grosser than seeing him in a suit. Honestly, all of them, all of them. They're also physically part of the part of the stipulation of being a member of that administration is being physically repugnant. Yeah, that is a number one.
Isn't it funny? How like all the bad guys look disgusting like bad guys, like in a like villains.
Yeah, because what you are on the inside starts to come out. It's like Mitch McConnell's neck has been trying to swallow his head for the last twenty years. Even his body is like we.
Gotta go, and brain is gone. It's his head is unfortunately still there, sadly, but it's like, you.
Know, I wonder what it must be like. Maybe they like it. Maybe it's the same kind of thing that they get off on a little bit that they're a group of people that when they walk in the room, all the women cover their drinks, like just instinctively. You're like, oh, oh, the roofie patrol is here, and it's like.
This is our best and brightest.
Really, just because people couldn't vote for the lady, just because they were like, oh my god, if gay people aren't getting assaulted or trans people aren't hiding, do I have any power, Like, what that's your metric? Come on?
Okay, on that note, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna be right back with Sophia Bush. And we're back with Sophia Bush, who has the Wonderful Podcast a work in progress, and she also has a film coming out called The Stranger in My Hall, which is an adaptation of a Dell Park's novel. Okay, Sophia, we're going to give advice. We have callers calling in. I love that, Catherine. What are we focusing on today? What is our topic?
Oh?
We have so many things, you know what. We're actually going to start with a caller. So Lauren is thirty six and she says, how do I get on the friends with benefits to wifey pipeline? Dear Chelsea, I've been at a casual friends with benefits type relationship for a year and a half. It's worked out great for both of us, especially since I'm a solo parent to my young daughter and he's a workaholic. His dick is better
than anyone else's. He's sweeter and more considerate than anyone I've dated, maybe ever, and I care for him deeply. Here's where I need the advice. For the last few months, I've been having feelings of wanting more from him. I want him to stay longer, to come over more often. I want us to be more official. Essentially, I want him to make an honest woman out of me. But I'm so scared to talk to him about it because
I don't want to ruin what we have. When I think of these things, I usually end up reconciling with myself that this is the relationship I can handle right now. But what do you think? Is it because this dick is so good that I want him to wipe me up? Or is it a sign that I need to end things with him so I can pursue a quote unquote serious relationship. Will it be worth sacrificing what I have already? Thanks so much, Lauren, hi Lo, Lauren hi there.
Thanks so much for taking my call.
You're so welcome. This is our special guest, Sophia Bush is here today.
Wow, amazing, We're here.
To assess your The dick that's so great. I don't think ever, you know, I honestly, I'm just thinking, like I don't think I've ever dated anyone where I thought the dick is so great, Like it's usually if an emotional relationship that makes you love the sex, Yes, but you're saying you just love the sex, and then that's bringing you in emotionally, I mean both.
Really, it's all it's all good. It's been really great.
And so what's the vibe? He just you? He only comes up, did you guys ever time together that's not sexual?
We did in the beginning a little more, but our schedules are kind of crazy, and so we got into a bit of a routine of just getting together at night and enjoying each other's company.
And do you get the impression from him that that's all he wants.
It's a tough read. It's a real tough read because he doesn't talk too much about his feelings and that's kind of worked for us, I think. So, yeah, it's really tough to read at the moment. And that's why I'm like a little scared about bringing it up, because I don't want to lose what we have.
Yeah, well that's how you can bring it up. You can just say, you know, hey, I like one night when you're not having sex, or when you're done having sex, or when just you know, you can say hey, I really enjoy spending time together, and I know this is kind of a sexual thing, but if you're ever interested in more than that, I'm down for that. And make it light like so that there's not a huge like repercussion.
If he doesn't feel the same way that you can't continue to have sex unless you think, I mean, Ken, do you think you can handle continuing to have sex? If his answer is.
No, I hope, so, I really hope.
So yeah, right, Sophia, don't you think you should just you have to bridge that, you have to say something at some point.
Yeah, I mean, I think to Chelsea's point, at the end of the day, it's always a good idea to tell people how you feel. It can be really scary, I mean, especially when you know you're considering shifting a dynamic into perhaps a more serious one, whether you're going to tell a friend you have fallen for them, or you know you're gonna you're going to tell mister dickmatized
that you want more than just that. Like, I don't know, but I think it's I think the advice of just sort of start there is good to say this is great, nothing's wrong. I'm having a great time with you, and if you're open to more than that, I am as well, Like, I don't know, maybe after you guys sleep together the next time, like ask him if he wants a girl cheese and like eat a snack, talk to each other for ten minutes and see what happens.
Yeah, I did broach very delicately the idea of him meeting my daughter. We had dinner out one time, and you know, I got the impression like, you know, she's almost four, so she's kind of wild right now, and I I don't know if it was like the vibe, but he was.
Well what what did he What was his response to that?
He's so caring and generous and like he just kind of went with the flow. And so that part of that reaction of his makes me think like he's kind of taking my lead. But at the same time, maybe he's like, oh, this is too much for me.
So well, you don't have to have him meet your daughter right away. That is a lot. That's a big jump from just away. It was right away, but but I mean there's this in between there somewhere, So like the next time you bring it up, you can bring it up more lightly, and also you should bring it up because you want that, Like you have to go after what you want. It's not just gonna like not
necessarily happen without you saying it and facilitating it. And also just to have like a conversation with yourself beforehand, Like I know, it's like a little bit like you know, we get nervous to say these things, but they're so important for us to express ourselves. It's very important as
a woman. Just like think of your daughter, you know what I mean, Think of doing it for your daughter, like standing up for what you want, saying what you want, and if you don't get it, then okay, fine, and then you can continue having sex with him if that's what you want to do. But yeah, just do it with a little sense of female empowerment like yeah, I got this, I want this, I'm gonna ask for it.
Yeah.
And on the meeting the kid thing, if I may, I think there's also something it's a big deal for somebody to meet your kid, you know it It signifies I think, a certain level of a relationship. So if you want to go from the friends with benefits with him to see if you guys are compatible for a real relationship, work on building the relationship between you two as adults, and if that really does take off, then
he can meet your kid. You know, your kid is is the center of your world and the reward for him actually showing up as a partner. I agree with Chelsea, Like, I think skipping to that probably would feel a little overwhelming for someone you know, center as she's advising you, like, center yourself. You deserve that.
Do you feel like this desire for something more serious is because of him or because maybe you're just like ready for a relationship that's a little more traditional.
Yeah, that's part of what I think as well. It could be that it could be like because my daughter's getting older, it could be like a little bit of a sign that I'm ready for something. But you know, I tested the waters with other people and dating like more seriously, and he's still he's kind of it. He's still it. That's why I want to try it out with him.
Yeah, I think he should. Okay, Yeah, you definitely should do it. Get come up with a plan and do it and be you know, be proud of yourself for like and pushed forward. Like if you do this act, regardless of the outcome, you just have to like try to detach from the outcome. I know what you want, you know what you want. You can say that, but it's a good exercise period, you know, to start asserting yourself in that way.
That's excellent advice. That's totally what I need to hear. I was kind of hoping you guys would give me some like feminine wiles that I can tap into and convince him to yeah, to wipe me up.
But you're right.
I think the feminine whiles come from the casual approach that Chelsea mentioned, just like, hey, like, what do you feel about this?
This sounds good to me if that's where we're going to take it.
You know, I think that is like a perfect way to do it, rather than being like, here are two choices, do we do this or is it over? You know? I think that puts a little too fine a point on it.
Absolutely Yeah.
Okay, well, good luck, report back, Okay, let us know what happens. Please, thank you so much.
I will nice.
Okay.
Why I want to get a dimple like Sophia? Why don't people try and get dimples when they get plastic surgery? Because you never see somebody just all of a sudden show up with a dimple like that should be a good request for plastic surgery, you know, like I would like a dimple on my left cheek, like like ordering it up like a cabbage patch.
I do think there's a certain child actor that did do that.
Oh I don't want to name any names. I'll have to. I'll have to bring that up with my next plastic surgery appointment.
But I think a dimple is technically a deformity.
But yeah, it's so cute. Who cares?
I mean, I like, I like mine, But it's literally I think it's like a I think it's some sort of a situation where like your muscles don't completely put together all the way and you just have like a hole in your face.
So I don't know how they would.
Make one for you.
I'm sure they can make one for you. I'm sure. I'm sure they can come up with something.
Yeah, they can give you a whole new face. They can probably give you exactly right.
Exactly right.
Well, our next question comes from Katie. It's kind of most of some of the political stuff that we have been talking about. So she says, your Chelsea, I have so much anger at the world. I have ADHD's justice sensitivity, which is a phrase I only learned a couple of years ago when I was first diagnosed. It explained a lot my whole life. I've been jokingly prodded at for my anger. It often comes out in exaggerated and dramatic jokes, where I'm known to be brutally honest, crass, and passionate.
It's been a blessing and a curse where I've been thanked throughout my life for speaking up and calling out wrongs. But then I've also been seen in my family as constantly angry about something I know deep down anger is grief. I've seen therapists before, and I'm open to it again, but I can't help but shrug it off as futile. Considering a therapist can't fix the selfishness and stupidity of
most humans. The pandemic, the elections, the denial of climate change, and the weaponization of marginalized communities weighs on me daily. I'm finding that I'm growing so angry I'm compartmentalizing just to operate. My faith in humanity is wrecked. I can't look at people who I love as worthy of my love because I feel their integrity has reached unfathomable lows and their support of a serial sex predator in the White House. All in all, people love me, and I
know that I have enough support to be happy. Overall, I don't want to change the fiery passion I have regarding the injustices of the world, and I thrive on bullying the bullies. It feels good, but rage is unhealthy. I need a shift in perspective. I've related to Chelsea my whole life for being honest and calling people out, so maybe you can help. Thank you, Katie.
Hi, Katie Hi, Katy Hi. This is Sophia Bush, our special guest today.
Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me on.
I'm a fellow Justice Sensitivity girly. Thank you for that.
Yeah, I think we can both relate to how you're feeling. Absolutely. I think a good word that you used is integrity in that email, and I think we should talk about that word because I think that when you have a lot of integrity and you see people that don't have it, we can be judgmental of that, we can be like in dismissive of those people, but we don't know that they're not acting within their own integrity, you know, like, to me, the genuflecting to Donald Trump after he's become
elected is lacking integrity. He's supporting him from the beginning. That's a different set of rules, because that could be an integrity or that could really be your belief system and you believe you are acting with integrity. But the one thing I want you to hold on to is your integrity. And having integrity means being able to treat
situations with respect even when you don't respect them. And when you have high levels of anger like you're talking about, you've got to harness that rage and turn it into something positive, and something like that is loving. And in order to do that, you've got to figure out where your deep anger is coming from. Because it's not like when this happened in twenty this happened in twenty sixteen. I was exactly what I was going off the rails. I was screaming at people, arguing with people if I
didn't agree with them politically. They were no longer my friends. I was freaking out, and I realized when I went to therapy that that anger was that was just a place for me to put my anger, like that was an obvious place to store it. Now I had somewhere to direct it and a reason, but really what it was was a much deeper kind of delayed grief, delayed pain that I had never experienced from my childhood. Right, So, you really want to find somebody, a therapist that's going
to be good. And it might not be the first one or the third one that you meet with. And I know that sounds exhausting, but like you're talking about your mental well being and your mental health for the rest of your life, because if you can invest some time into getting into, like getting in with a good therapist, it's going to yield so many benefits for your life moving forward when you have to deal with all of these unpalatable situations that we're all dealing with and conversations,
because it's much more meaningful to be able to disagree with somebody without becoming rageful. It's much more powerful to have an argument without losing your shit, right.
Right, and the rate, Like I'll put it this way, I stay articulate, I stay informed, I know what I'm talking about when I engage with people, and I try to approach it with respect. But it's like we keep
reaching new lows every week, every month, every day. It's just new lows where the justification for this kind of cult mentality is driving me absolutely insane, where I'm like, you believe one thing, you know, you advocate for the constitution, and then all of a sudden, we're seeing that get bypassed and you're now justifying why it makes sense and
why authoritarianism makes sense. And it's like I'm seeing just this like degradation in moral values in logic where I like, yeah, like I'm totally down for therapy, like that is something I've advocated for my whole life. But I just don't know like how to approach that from a sense of respect because I start to lose respect for those people because they're now almost hypocritical in what they've always claimed
to be their values. And that's where I'm having trouble is reconciling, Hey, this is who you say you are, this is how you represent yourself, but how you vote and how you reflect or politics does not mirror what you claim to be. And it's happening with some loved ones. I've got a great support system, a lot of people who you know, support me and agree and we don't all have to agree, but it's getting to a point now where it's just so inhumane that that's where I'm struggling,
Like degree, the sadness, the fear. I recognize that my rage comes from that, but getting it out in a healthy way, other than going online and trolling somebody and berating them or logically making an argument that holds up, like you know, sure, that'll give me some adrenaline, but that's not sustainable. We keep preaching these new lows, and only lately we're seeing people regret their decision because the
markets are in turmoil. There's just chaos, and that kind of is another angle where I'm like, well, now they care because their wallets are getting hit, and I need that shifted perspective of like, okay, well maybe this olver lining is they're starting to regret the decision. They're starting to question their decision, but I need to get away from this. Well they're stupid and lazy and misinformed the end they're late.
Can I offer you something on that? Absolutely, And I'm not going to say that it's like a magic solve, but something that I've really had to reckon with because I've I think I've had the exact verbatim conversation you're having, like we could, we could do a freaky Friday.
Swap in this moment.
Chelsea and I have both been in the thing, Like I think we all know what it is to be so angry at what is so apparent, and so let's be frank like hurt by it.
Right.
The idea, you know, we were talking about this earlier. The idea of the American dream is that we built a democracy to allow for people to be free. Granted, we fucked up a lot along the way, but like we're supposed to be generationally getting closer and closer to those ideals. And when you see people take the collective agreement on the ideal and just torch it for personal gain or so that someone else can be the butt of the joke or the center of the target, it's
really it's not just hard, it's like traumatizing. It's very
destabilizing because you realize, like real isn't real. What's been helpful for me to understand about people is actually to do some of the nerdier research on confirmation bias and to understand that we're not having a conversation about logic, we're having a conversation about shame and when people have put all their eggs in a basket that operates like a cult, that is abusive, that is absolutely fascist, and they've been told that it is the most American, most
patriotic thing. When they start to have facts that push up against their confirmation bias, it's more likely that they're going to double down on the lie that they believe than admit that it was a lie, because it's personally individually traumatizing, and it creates so much shame to realize you bought a lie, to realize you bought the snake oil from the salesman. And so I've had to take a deep breath and try to and I don't say
this to be a dick. I really like I put myself in the space that I used to when I nannied, when I was a camp Counselor when I'm dealing with a three and a half year old who like irrationally doesn't want to eat even though they're having a meltdown because they're hungry, I have to remind myself that I know something about the irrationality that they're experiencing in their body that they haven't quite dealt with yet, and it gives me just enough pause and grace to say, the
trauma's going to hit them too, and what are we going to do about it when they get here? And that's really a self present reservation tactic for me. It is a way for me to be more human instead of more enraged, because the angrier we are, the more they're winning, the more they get to be like, look at these fucking screaming, you know, screaming leftists, and it's like, I'm not screaming. Actually, I'm desperate to save the American experiment.
Right, And I will heartly agree with all of that.
And so I think if you can give yourself a little bit of the psychology in your own personal interaction, it can help you. And then, honestly, one of the greatest things I learned from a friend was instead of doing the thing which you know many of us neurodivergent girlies do, which is like, I have every fact in every stat and I know this, and let me tell
you about this. And if I can just give you enough information, you're going to see because math is not emotional, and then you won't be emotional, and then you'll know that this is true that and you get yourself like really psyched out. Sometimes you just need to lean in and go, well, why do you believe that? Where'd you hear that? Ask people question, because if they can't defend their own position, it'll do more for your conversation than
you trying to defend yours. Right, those will be my two.
I've definitely taken that approach of asking leading questions and the why and the how, and trying to relate of like, you know, at the end of the day, we want similar things for our country. We want safe communities, we want you know, good paying jobs, like we were not that different. And I try to kind of point that out.
And I definitely am trying to take it from a standpoint of like, yes, they're a shame to admit that they've been wrong, or like nobody likes admitting they've been wrong, but it's just at what point, like how much longer will it take? And that is where I've been struggling, and I'm trying to approach it from a softer approach. My wife has kind of taught me about being vulnerable instead of being on the attack, you know, my whole life.
I'm like, Okay, that's that's we don't portray vulnerability because then you'll you'll show who what you're afraid of. So I've in recent years kind of been trying to do that, but it's just I just feel like it just gets worse and worse and worse. And I do productive things. I nourish myself, I nourish my life, but it's just weighing on me, and I just don't know how much more I can take. Like I've been compartmentalizing, disassociating, throwing myself into my work, like just all of that just
to get by. And I know that that's kind of, like you said, a trauma response and relating it to them having their own almost delayed trauma response is a helpful way to think of it, just because but then I'm like, well, I pity them and they're slow, and I have to shift. I have to get rid of that because that's still a negative look at somebody who deserves compassion as well.
I mean, you remind me so much of myself, Like when I've went into therapy, because one of the first things I said to my psychiatrist was I think everyone's annoying. He's like, okay, let's talk about your childhood. I'm like, that's not important. I said, I find everyone very annoying and I have no patience for stupid people. This is my biggest issue right now. So it sounds a lot
like you're echoing that kind of sentiment. And when you have that kind of attitude, something is deeper, deeper is happening, And I understand circumstantially what we're all dealing with. I completely get it. I completely understand being angry, being disappointed, blah blah blah. But there is stuff within you that you need to talk to someone about to help you. And even if you go in there and you're talking about fucking Donald Trump for an hour, that's okay, But
just exhaust the anger, you know what I mean? So, like, learn how to get through your anger and learn how to turn that anger into positivity, because that's what tech therapy taught me, how to do, how to turn everything into like gratitude. Even when you wake up and you read the news and you're like, what the fuck am I going to be grateful for? There's plenty to be
grateful for. There's always plenty to be grateful for. We're not at a point yet where we're all there's nothing to live for, Like that's not happening yet, So you want to be able to like, you know, and inject people with that, you know, and and when you're coming at people with a softer with a softer self, you're gonna get a lot farther.
Right right, And you saying that, I mean, I've been watching you since I was a teenager, and like I kind of had the joke in my head that you were the first time I saw representation, because it was the first time I felt like.
A woman's representation. You stop bags representation, You're like, this looks good.
This is the first white lady that represented me. So but it was just like the first time that I saw somebody speaking their mind, being thoughty about it, and just being able to kind of just say things out loud that people are afraid to say. I need to probably get back into therapy. I've been in and out. My family's always advocated for it, like it, but it's just yeah, like getting that the passion out in a way that in acts change. And like I said, like like I have pride in my work and what I
do is like semi political. Its related to the environments, related to plants, and it's just like that's helpful, but I need something just for myself because, like you said, it is probably deeper. It is probably something ingrained from childhood. But it's just like damn, like how much more of this? And yeah, watching your journey has helped a lot, because I was thinking, like, I do need to practice gratitude, and every day I'm trying to think of like like
I am happy overall. Then of course I think of I'm happy in my little bubble. I've got all these things, and here we have all these people suffering, and it's getting worse for your average American and not enough Americans give a shit. And that's in like, yes, like it is external, but like the practice of which I express it is something that I need to seek therapy for. But I'm still just like, you know, like do I just keep disassociating until then.
Like I don't know, but no, you really just need to get into a therapist.
You do.
You have to get this out because you can be
happy and angry. That's not an uncommon combination. You can be happy and angry, But what you really want to do is learn patience for the other people and learn compassion for other people and not be so set in your own opinion, even no matter how right it is, just to be unable to understand and take in other people without it making you fucking angry, and without yelling, without screaming, just it's gonna give you the toolbox you need that you're gonna need to get through the next
three years of this right.
Patience is a good way to put it for me, because patience is something that I need a practice.
Yeah, it's something you have to cultivate too, like it really is to Chelsea's point, it's a practice. It requires work. It's like a muscle you have to build. And I also think you know, for a lot of us that are really justice minded, that can't kind of look away from the news, it's also really important to do something that isn't about activism, that isn't about learning a fact, that isn't about having a conversation, but that gives you
a reminder of why those things matter to you. Like truly, if you can figure out where the Feeding America food pantry is closest to you, and like every other Sunday, for two hours, go volunteer with some people you love. It will shift your energy like therapy and service will be the two greatest things that will shift your energy, because when you get caught on the hamster wheel of I always have to be doing or fixing or learning or speaking, You're you're not existing, You're trying to solve
something all the time. And like that is a way to stay in trauma. And so to go out and like hang with your neighbors and serve a meal, or go somewhere even with a family member you disagree with and agree on something for an hour. It really it's like a not to sound like the most la person, but it's like a psychic kind of healing too, right.
I did start looking into volunteer opportunities, but then there was one that was like political, climate change and all that, and I was like, maybe maybe I shouldn't go there.
You're doing enough of that. You're doing enough of that.
Yeah. Yeah, So but I have looked into a few volunteer opportunities and it is something that I thought would nourish my soul. But I just, you know, ADHD procrastinated. Haven't done it yet.
Yeah, but that's great advice. Do that. Do that, look for a therapist, go and just start getting this out so that you're just you're just gonna bring yourself. You're going to be so much more centered so that it doesn't feel like this all the time, Like it's at the level where it's going to fucking blow. Like I know exactly what you're talking about, and you just want
to break you. You're going to be so much more valuable to all the people in your life when you are able to really ground yourself and center yourself right, And that involves a lot of self awareness, and that's where therapy comes in. You know, it's like the it's it's like you're purchasing the gift of self awareness, right absolutely,
So I'm glad you called. I'm glad you called. I'm like, yeah, this was perfect, perfect time, perfect guests for you to speak with and you know, do what we say, okay, And because we want you to be useful, we don't want you to burn out.
Right right then, that's the main thing. I have been operating at just this high frequency of just ready to respond whenever I needed, like like almost like I'm ready to be called the action. And that is exhausting.
Yeah, hypervigilance, Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Hopefully we'll see better news ahead.
Let's hope. So that would be great news.
Would Yeah, we'll all get that text some day.
So, yes, we're all in it together, that's the thing.
Yeah, yeah, yes, and I do. I'm again great community around me, and I'm leading on my friends more than ever. It's just feeling it so deeply. I'm exhausted.
Yeah, we're lady.
Yeah, yeah, do you take solace in that.
Let's do it. Okay, keep us updated with your with your progress.
Okay, absolutely, okay, thank you so much.
To meet you, k ry Katie. Yeah, oh god, I mean that's she's speaking for half the world right now, how everybody feels. Let's take a break and we'll be right back with Sophia Bush. And we're back with Sepia Bush. I do we have time for one more? Let's do a little yeah, collar a quickie.
Well this one isn't a caller. I try to get her a call in, but she is currently staying with the person question, so I wasn't able to. So this is a good, juicy one, she says. Dear Chelsea, this is Shannon. I need some advice. I have a slow burn crush on my long term best friend. I met her eight years ago through work on a trip abroad at the time, I was assigned to travel one on one with her to visit business partners in another country.
She's a few years older than me, and I was so attracted by her intelligence and powerful presence and confidence. Every time we went out for dinner, I would get butterflies whenever I made her laugh. However, my stomach dropped when she said I reminded her of her favorite gay, younger brother. At that point, she also had a long term boyfriend and I assumed she was straight, so my crush faded, and we've developed a solid friendship over the years, going on trips and I visited her a few times.
I never thought much more of these feelings because she was always in a relationship. Two years ago she ended things with her boyfriend, and last year she told me she was attracted to women and wasn't completely straight, although I don't think she has explored this since. After staying with her for a month, my feelings came rushing back, and since then I've moved to her city for work, living in the same place for the first time. We've been spending a lot of time together and my feelings
for her and those butterflies are only growing. Sometimes when we're together, I catch myself thinking my girlfriend and quickly remind myself that she's just my friend.
I'm torn.
On the one hand, I feel this intense attraction and just want to be around her more. On the other I'm unsure.
If she feels the same way.
She's a generally flirty person, so sometimes I wonder if it's just me reading too much into things. I don't want to risk ruining our friendship or making things awkward, but I also don't want to look back and wonder, what if what should I do?
Chelsea Shannon, Well, you know what I'm going to say, Sophia, what are you going to say?
No, I want to know what you're going to say.
I'm going to say, go for it. Always go for it. I'm like, hello, I don't like when people wait around for things. You know, it's your life. You got to grab it, grab life by the balls, get after what you want. And if she doesn't feel the same way, that's not a loss, that's like, oh okay, it's a disappointment.
Then you know, then you have even more information moving forward, so she's not an option moving forward, and then you like and then you can decide if you want to spend time with her, but like, always go for it. I feel, what do you think?
Yeah, I think there's nothing worse than to wonder, you know, and listen, I think all of us we were talking earlier about hindsight, like you look back and you go, oh, maybe I should have let myself wonder about that one, you know, Like, but but if you had, who knows what would have happened? And I think I think, no matter what, to throw yourself toward what you want to be willing to risk for love, Like what else are
we here for? And so yeah, I kind of think it harkens back to the way you advised our first caller to you know, maybe don't read that whole letter to this person, but just say, hey, I could be off base. I feel like there's a little bit of a shift in our dynamic. I don't know, it feels like there's something else going on here. And if I'm misreading it, we can pretend we never had this conversation.
But if I'm not, I want to.
Talk about it.
And I'm kind of liking it, and like, just see, I think it's always worth saying is there something happening here? If there is what might happen next?
Like, also one thing to think about is like I understand you want to preserve the relationship and that you don't want to ruin the relationship in case she doesn't have those mutual feelings. But when you go after something in life and the reason, the thing that's stopping you is what if it's what if the answers know, then you're not going to find out a lot of things in life, like you have to be ready to accept a no. Then you now you have the truth, and then you could move on with your life in a
different way and knowing she's not an option. So it's like thinking that, oh, what if the answers know if this guy, if I bring up our relationship in this guy doesn't want to be in a relationship with me from our earlier caller, he doesn't want to go from a booty call to something more serious. Okay, Well then you have that information. That's an advantage, not a disadvantage. So we all have to look at nose with a more positive outlook, Like that's one step closer to getting where you're going.
Yeah.
One thing that also like just popped into my mind is like every woman who dates other women that I know, Like if there is like a dating situation and they break up, like generally people stay friends, you know what I mean. Like women often stay friends with exes who are other women in my experience, so I don't think it's a bad thing.
Well, that's the theme of today's episode. Everybody, go for it. Okay. The whole world could end in about fucking six months. We don't know what the fuck's gonna happen, so definitely get after it. Go for it. Make sure you tune into Sofia's podcast if you're not already a listener. It's called Work in Progress and her new movie is coming out in June, and it's up to you to go find it.
Right.
We did it, We did it. I got so I'll see you soon.
You, I will see you soon.
Okay. My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth. We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.