Hi, Catherine, Hey, Chelsea.
Well, we have a great guest today.
Everyone knows her from Reno nine one one, Bridesmaid and now Saint Dennis Medical and Wendy McClendon Covey's joining us now.
Hello.
Wendy, Hi, baby, Hi, Hi.
Hi, Wendy McClendon covey, Good morning, Good morning to you.
Was that your brother helping you set up your podcast?
That was my husband, my brother husband.
My brother husband. Hi, It's so nice to see you.
Where's good to see you.
I tried to see you at the night we were at the Critics' Choice Awards together.
I saw you, but I didn't see you.
Good job with that PS.
Oh, thank you, Thank you so much.
That was amazing because you had the unenviable position of having to make everybody happy after the city had burned to the ground and that show had been rescheduled three times, and you nailed it. You were fantastic. Thank you, Thank you so much, Wendy. I appreciate that.
I'm Wendy and I share a gynecologist and his name is David Allan Greer. So I first want to just talk about your experience working with him, because I have never ever been able, nor will I ever Wendy be able to take that man seriously as an actor, as a person, as a skier. I tried to ski with him once.
I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he tried to tell me he could ski.
And this was before I became the skier that I am today, before I'm a pretty decent and competent skier.
Now, yeah you are, thank you, thank you. I appreciate that.
And I worked hard to get there, you know, like I took it very seriously, like almost like a college degree. But David, like the idiot that he is, and will always remain trying to convince me that he's the one. Actually, no, I have to give him a little bit of credit. He's the one who got me back into skiing because he took me skiing on the West Coast. I don't remember if we were in Tahoe or we were in
maybe Aspen Comedy Festival. It was something where there was like a comedy festival related, so.
It must have been Aspen.
And he was like, oh, let's go skiing.
I said I don't have any ski clothes and was like springish, and he said, you don't need any you just need jeans. And like, you know a vest, and I'm like, since when? Because I grew up in New Jersey, so I skied on the East coast, right, and so he convinced me to go skiing.
We went skiing.
We went out for about an hour and a half until he started complaining he was too cold in the springtime he had. He was the one who dragged me out there and then started complaining, and finally I told him to get off the mountain. I was having a really good time on my own, you know, I was like, leave me alone. And that was when I discovered that skiing could be actually pleasurable when when other people weren't with you, and warmer weather, when you didn't have to
put on all that gear. And so he kind of was. He was kind of the person that re introduced me to adult skiing. So I do want to give him that shout out, but I've had so many personal experiences with him as a friend.
That I don't want to give him any credit beyond that.
Okay, you're blowing my mind that he skis at all, Well, he doesn't, and because he doesn't like to leave the house the David I know. Now Again, I've only known him for a year or two, you've known him for a lot longer, but that he would willingly go and ski or do something physical that's amazing to me.
Or do something fun.
Yes, I don't know what's happened to him over the past couple of years because I haven't stayed in touch with him.
I think I haven't hung out with him probably in like ten years. But when.
Whenever I see him, I just think of that day on the mountain, and I just think of I mean, he is he is one of our funniest people.
He is he really is.
Yeah, and tell me about what it's like working with him.
Well, okay, so you and I are roughly the same age. So we both watched in Living Color. Uh huh right, yeah, and that was a pretty mind blowing show, yes at the time, and he was so damn money on that and in anything he does. So when I heard that he was doing this show, Saint Dennis Medical, I couldn't say yes fast enough. And when I'm on set, I feel like I just catch myself staring at him, like, Wow, you're really right there and we know each other and you know who I am, And this is crazy to
me that this is where my life is. So when we're in a scene together, I basically turn into an audience member.
Okay, you forgot to save my life.
So you respect him? Oh yes, yeah, that's the difference between you and me. I don't have any respect for him. Actually, we should book him on this podcast because I would like to tell him to his face.
I tell him. I think he needs to hear it.
But I like that you do respect him because he is very entertaining and obviously the show is a huge chant. Congrats on all the nominations you guys received. Well the Critics' Choice nomination for sure, and congrats on CEAS and two.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Also, congrats on being one of the funniest women out there, because you make me fucking laugh what I mean a lot of you. Yeah, you do. You make you make everybody laugh. You're ridiculous.
You and Carrie.
Kenny Silver on Reno nine one one is just too fucking funny.
These two are ridiculous together. Well, the whole cast of.
Rena nine one one deserves an award every year just forever.
Having done that show.
Well, you you have some fun with us, didn't you. I did?
I did a guest star on that show years and years ago. I was so I was, Yes, it was, which was also a ridiculous experience. It was so fun to be a part of that show because you guys improved so much and everyone was always just about to break and always laughing in the middle of scenes.
And that's really what I Those are the only kinds of.
Productions I like to be involved in, is when people are breaking on camera.
Well, we were lucky to get you, and you were so cool about it because I remember, you know, Reno was just like a fly by the seat of our pants kind of show like permits. Never heard of her, you know, we never got fermits for anything. It was just gorilla shooting. So we needed cars for some reason. We needed cars to drive by and it wasn't safe, but you said, oh, you can use mine. I'm turning it in tomorrow. It doesn't matter. You can thrash it.
And it was like, that's a good girl, right there, she will go there, yes, of course, and she's hilarious. So yeah, all in the name of comedy, right, Wendy, that's right, that's right.
So tell me about your life. What's happening, what's happening in your personal life. So this is your husband brother that set us your podcast for you.
Yes, and right now we're in New Orleans.
Oh what are you doing there?
We have the tiniest condo in the French Quarter and we come out here as often as we can. I love this city. I cannot tell you what kind of hold it has on me. Wow. But we hadn't been able to get out here since right around New Year's so we needed to come out and just check on things, do some housekeeping, and of course we're gonna have fun and try to hear some music and stuff. But we've missed Marti Gral this year. We're missing jazz best we
missed we missed French Quarter beest. But doesn't matter. I just love it here.
I feel like there's always a festival happening in the French Quarter always.
And when we got here there were three parades. Three parades. We couldn't our cab couldn't even get us to our house. They had to drop us off at the park and we just walked our luggage through the.
Through the preade.
Quarter. Yeah, pretty much became you should.
Have immersed yourself in the parade, and so you got to your house.
I know I should have, just you know, disrobed.
Do you ever run into Amy Schumer down there?
Because I was recently when I always did a show down there, I went to her house in the French Quarter.
I heard that she has a house, and no, I I've never run into her.
Oh you too, need to connect. You two would really get on like a house on fire.
Really.
Yeah, I'm going to put you on a text with her.
Do you know if she has a big house, because like I said, we've got a tiny little place because I don't want to I don't want to worry about a big house.
No, no, no, no, no, it's not crazy or anything like that. It's it's normal. It's normal size. She does have a pool in the backyard, but it's not Wow. Yeah, but it's not a crazy house. Amy's not crazy like that. She's like, you know, she's pretty normal. Now, you have a house in Spain, I do that is not.
A normal Oh my god.
No, And I'm not going to pretend that it is. You know what I mean?
But do you you must go there a lot.
I do go there. I go there in the summer.
I we rent out that house a lot because you know, it is so ridiculous, so in order to justify it, I have to rent it out.
But I do go there with it.
I go there like I'll be there in June for a week and hopefully I'll spend like the month of September or October, whatever my schedule allows. I share that house with a lot of my friends and family, and it's the biggest It's one of the best gifts I've ever given myself, as the house in Maorca.
Catherine's been there, gorgeous.
It's kind of like a slice of I remember looking at this house, and you know, places speak to you as you're talking about New Orleans, right, which is such a magical place everyone if you haven't been to New Orleans, once you go, you understand there's just something there that is not available anywhere else in any other city in the United States. And I'm not sure about the world.
I mean, you know, maybe there's parts of Paris I feel like the French Quarter or something, but which was why what It's probably called the fucking Front Quarter, But I just.
Pieced that together.
As I was saying it, I'm like, oh, but you know when you find something and you're like whll wha ooh, this is like my childhood, like it came, It came from my child my childhood memories. It evoked all of these happy feelings, like the view of the water in the setting that it is, and just the boats that like the sailboats parked in the bay reminded me so much of my childhood growing up on Martha's Vineyard and seeing, Wow, it's not the same exact view, obviously, but it's it's
a very similar view. And I remember we would always sit outside on our deck and my dad would every time we would be outside, he'd be look at this view, look at this view.
So I've had that imprinted in my brain.
And when I found my house in Myorca, it was dilapidated, it was run down. I had to climb over some balustrade and banister to get up there with a couple of friends.
And I remember turning around once we got in.
Once we broke in and turned around and looked at the view, I said, look at this view. I cannot believe this house is abandoned. Like I'm going to get it. And so that's how I feel every time I'm there, like, look at this view and I could get lost in that view and sit in front of that water for days and not leave the house and be perfectly happy as long as somebody's making me a frozen mango decory.
It's really magical there, it is. You know, the older you get, the less it takes to make you happy. Sometimes it's just a nice view and a good drink, I know. Yeah, yeah, So wait, your your house was abandoned.
You you just found it. You didn't go through a realtor or anything. You just it said for sale in Spanish on it. But like it was, it was like the roofs had caved in, like like the pictures were still on the walls, the like you could go up halfway up the staircase, but you couldn't go all the way up to the top. So it needed just to be refortified. There's not a lot of leeway they give you in those small towns. You have to kind of stick to the plan and just like refortify it, you
know what I mean. Like the even the banisters outside on the terrace, they have to be in like you know, my orcin code, And so that's even more beautiful I think, so that you can't really you know, you can obviously design it however.
You want in the interior, but what you do on.
The outside has to have the edifice has to match the area. But yes, best gift I ever bought myself.
Amazing And you earned that, Thank you, You earned that. You worked your ass off. So yes, absolutely deserve to have a beautiful vacation home.
Well, you deserve the same. You absolutely deserve the same.
You don't do you don't have any children, Wendy, Right, Nope, nope, no, And how do.
You feel about that decision?
Every day? I pat myself on the back for sticking to my guns.
Fucking high five, high fucking five right there.
I mean, the best thing that the thing that people never tell you about making the choice to never have children, which nobody ever told me that was a choice either I did anyone ever tell you it was a choice or did you just inherently know or.
I just always knew I didn't want them? Yes, but I never said that because it seemed like something that I was gonna have to do regardless. But I mean, even when when I remember being little, being presented with a baby doll and being like, oh no, that's so much work. Yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to fuss with this thing. I got stuff to do. I've got to go make mud pies. And you know, I never wanted them, but I liked barbies. I liked you too. She's a career woman.
Me too.
I like it's a career woman exactly.
I had never contemplated this though, but you're absolutely right. That's how I felt about like playing mommy and baby and with little babies. Like I liked cabbage Patch kids because they seemed like they had a little personality.
Yes, you know what I mean, Like they could change their own diaper probably.
Yeah, And they were like you could get one with a dimple and green eyes and brown hair, like you could kind of design them or they you know, like pick out the ones you had freckles. But they seemed like they had a little spunk. They weren't babies, you know. I remember getting a pre MEI cabbage Patch. I'm like, I don't want this. I want the one with the long brown hair, the green eyes and the dimple.
Yeah, that's what I prease. They they're too they're too young. You gotta be fussing with them all the time. Every two hours. You gotta feed them. No, thank you want nothing to do with that.
The other thing, though, is what we need to tell people who are listening to this, as we have so many female listeners, and I'm sure many of them are on, you know, thinking and deliberating about whether or not they want to be a mother when you choose not to, because people go, am I going to regret this decision? I don't know anyone that hasn't had a child that sits around and goes. I wish I had one. Anyone
that is child free goes. Thank god, I got through that area of time, that period of time where I could have been vulnerable to possibly dislodging a child. I did not fall for fall prey to that, and I made it through the tunnel that where I am no longer able or viable to have one, like I feel like whoop.
I got through that test.
Yep, yep. And then I for a while I looked at like Diane Keaton who adopted at fifty, and I think, well, is that an option? No? It isn't.
No, No, it isn't.
And I love kids and I love that people want to have kids. I don't judge that, but boy do I feel judged when I tell people, yeah, that was never in the plan, never wanted them. I've been told, you know, oh, well, that's really selfish. It's really selfish of you not to have them, and it's like, wild, I don't think it is. I think it's selfish to have them because you think you're supposed to and then resent them, yeah, and turn them into an unfunny comedy
routine that a lot of people do. Oh yeah, I don't. I think that's repugnant, but whatever.
I think it's selfish to bring a child into this world where you're not one hundred and fifty percent down with the idea of what's going to happen, Like, if there's any doubt at all, then it's not for you. You have to yearn for something the way that we would yearn for our careers, the way that we yearn to be creative. You have to have that longing and that yearning with regard to children, and if it's not there, then I think that's your answer.
Yeah exactly. And I see people going through IVF and doing all these things and it's like, well, I hope it happens for you. You clearly want it so much much but I have never wanted it. Well, and Greg and I you know, we've been married twenty nine years, and we would check in with each other. You good, you don't want any great and we've always been on the same page with it.
Wow, twenty nine years, that's great. Yeah, and that's why you're still together, probably because you never had to be.
I think so too. I think so too.
What are you going to do for your thirtieth anniversary? Do you want to go to my house in MAJORCA. I'm offering it up for you to celebrate your thirtieth anniversary wedding anniversary.
Oh my god, that's amazing.
It'll obviously be I'll obviously Pepper and some other couples who are celebrating big milestone, so it can turn into a big swingers party because.
I can't mark up.
I leave well enough alone.
That would be amazing. And we'll look at the view give us.
Some serious nuggets of wisdoms or not so serious of why you have a successful marriage for thirty years, like what is the secret?
What's your secret?
Well, my secret, my quote unquote secret is before I say anything critical of him, I look at myself and find out that I'm not so delightful either, So I try not to criticize him before I see what I'm doing wrong, and I'm usually doing something terrible. I'm a pain in the ass. He's very how are you?
How are you a pain anything?
Well, you know, listen, I'm an actor, I'm very needy, I'm moody, I'm a perfectionist, and I have a short temper, whereas Greg is nothing but pure sweetness, is very slow to anger, and it is just the most supportive person in the world. So if there's anything wrong in our marriage, it's usually my fault and I'm willing to admit that. I can admit it, and I think admitting it is one thing. And also when he does something sweet, I
tell the whole wide world. So I brag on him a lot because he is really like, I couldn't do anything that I do if I didn't have that man. He's the only one who ever encouraged me to go into acting. The rest of my family and friends were just like, oh, this is embarrassing, don't do that. Well, he was right. Apparently it worked out. He was right. But like, he's the one who wakes me up in the morning. He gets up before me, he fixes my
breakfast every morning and sends me off to work. What else can I ask for?
You know what I mean?
It sounds like you chose very well for your personality.
He's just my everything. Oh, I was just born to love that man.
I love that.
I love to hear that. That's so, it is very heartwarming to hear. Did you make bad choices before you met your husband? Like did you have a pattern of dating other types of man?
Yes? I did. I did, but I learned my lessons quickly. Like if I do something terrible once, I will not do it again. So like if I date a drug addict once, that's gonna be the only one. You know, I'm done. I see the signs. We're not going to go through this again. You can't change people. That's not my job. I got other things to do. So there's that. And also like my parents and I love them and they're still together. They are having their sixtieth wedding anniversary
next week. But they fought constantly. They got married very young, and they fought constantly. For some people when they grow up in that they seek that out without realizing it because it feels normal. That never felt normal. And I won't do it. I'm not going to live in a house where there's constant chaos and arguing. So I knew that's not something that I was gonna put up with.
Yeah, a lot of people who call in have a lot of trouble breaking that. Like, I'm a big proponent of what you're saying, make your first time the last time, you know, Like, I don't want to learn same lessons twice. I'm busy. I want to move on and learn another lesson. I want to, you know, I want to have new experiences. But a lot of our people are like how you know, Like they have such trouble letting go of toxic relationships, and at our age, it's so easy to give the
advice of like this is just not for you. Like the sooner you learn these lessons, the happier and freer you become as a person, and then the things, the things that you want and think that you need come to you without so much effort being put out.
No, you're one hundred percent right, And if you will just do that kind of mental health cleaning, then you make space for all that good stuff to come in. But if you don't clean house, you're always blocking your blessings, which I know is a very woo thing to say about.
No, no, No, you're in the perfect place to say no. But that's okay. I'm wu wu too. I mean, you can't be you can't move to California, live here for thirty years and not just fucking capitulate, you know what I mean. I'm like, okay, I mean I'm two I'm two easters away from celebrating that, you know. I mean, that's and that's not wu woo. That's actually woo woo to me now. Is that's what I consider wo wo is like real religion. I'm like, okay, get away from
me with that. But what do you guys have to talk about after thirty years together? Out of curiosity?
Is that?
Ever? God?
Just anything just so natural that you it doesn't even it's not an issue because I have trouble keeping a conversation with somebody I've been dating for ten months.
Yeah. I think the way to get around that, though, is that silence is okay sometimes too.
Yeah.
You don't always have to be entertaining, No, you can just sit there, it's fine. And then things do pop up that you've never you know, stories you've never told before. I don't know, it's just a it does seem like you would run out of things to talk about, but there are always things and I don't know how to explain it, but it never gets boring.
Back to Saint Dennis Medical, do you guys do a lot of improv on that show?
We do. We do. Our showrunner Eric Legend, he was one of the creators of Superstore and American Auto and stuff like that. He really does encourage us to get it done the scripted way, and then we can improvise that there's just something we have to do and they usually leave it in. They've been pretty generous with us, and I have to say working on that show is such a pleasure because our showrunners love their families and
want to go home at night. So if they don't, you know, for the listeners at home, if your showrunner doesn't necessarily want to go home, you don't get to go home either. So it's great because we're usually done by six o'clock every night. Oh what a treat.
That is ideal. Yeah, in this business, that is very unusual.
I got the script for that show like four hours after The Goldbergs was canceled, so I'm lucky it came my way because it was in a during a year where they just weren't making a lot of pilots at all. I think they made four across network television. Yeah, this one got picked up.
I remember that year.
I remember when they was like out of I mean they used to make like twenty five pilots a year and I don't pick up I don't know ten and then all of a sudden, there was one year where they made four fucking pilots and people were panicking about the state of the industry.
So you were on the goldbergs for ten years, was it?
Yeah?
Ten years?
And you played a mother and I read that you didn't want to play a mother again.
Isn't it funny? Even playing a mother's exhausting.
Well, I mean I had, look I play, I got to relive the eighties again. So I've been in the eighties for twenty years, all right, which I've had enough. All Right, I get it. The eighties were fun. I loved playing a mom, and now I understand like kind of what my mom went through at that time, but I got that out of my system playing, you know, the overbearing mama, and I loved it, but I didn't
want to do it again, not for a while anyway. Right, And so when I read this, you know the character of Joyce the administrator, the hospital administrator, she's such an odd ball that I found her irresistible and was like, yes, I want to do this.
Yeah. I mean the role is so perfect for you, and you're so perfect in it. Thank you, absolutely, I love you. I think you're just so fucking funny, I mean.
So talented than you, Chelsea.
Thank you.
Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Wendy McClendon covey and her brother husband.
We'll be right back.
And we're back with Wendy McLendon covey. Okay, Wendy, we're going to take some callers. Okay, we're your goat advice here.
So Catherine, what do we have today?
Well, our first email comes from Andrea. The subject is twenty six year old virgin Dear Chelsea, my daughter just came to visit me for a couple of weeks. My daughter is beautiful, thoughtful, and smart. She graduated college, went to cooking school, and is now working successfully as a chef. Whenever I ask the subject of dating is always changed to another subject or answered with a one word answer. She never has a boyfriend and never has and never
really even kissed someone. And I'm just at a loss as to why. I asked her if she was asexual and she said no, She's only getting older and I don't want her to be alone and never see what joy being in a relationship will.
Bring, let alone sex. I don't know what to do or say.
Please help coming from her loving mom who only wants the best for her, Andrea.
Is she gay?
Is your daughter a lesbian? And do you have feelings about her being lesbian that are preventing her from being truthful to you about being a lesbian? Asexual? Isn't the only question to be asking this?
No, totally, totally, you know what I mean.
Like, if she's asking she's a sexual, she's asked her she's gay. She didn't mention that part, and she keeps mentioning a man, not a person, right, right, So maybe she's a lesbian, So maybe you should think about that or I don't know. Do you know a lot of asexual people, Wendy, I do know a couple.
I know a couple, I know a couple and look, she's twenty six. She could be just very picky. She could be gay, that was my first thought as well. Or she might have a secret life that you don't know anything about sunds.
Like, that's prob. Or she could be a totally late bloomer.
You know, some people don't really come into their own until they're in their thirties, like sexually. First of all, you don't even come into your own sexually until you're like forties and fifties for a lot of women, So that could be something too. But definitely, you pushing her is not going to put her in a relationship that has no impact whatsoever on anyone. I would leave the situation alone for as long as possible until she comes to you with some information that allows you to ask
further questions. But I would also put it out there that if she is a lesbian, if she is a sexual, if she does have some secret life that she doesn't want you to know about, that you are okay with that because you.
Have to be Yeah, yeah, I mean, and some people, I think dating now is so intimidate weird.
It's weird.
It's like we went full tilt on the dating apps and everyone went bonkers, and now there's like a contraction, like people are so disgusted by dating apps and by what's available out there that people are like, I'd rather be alone.
So I think we're in that phase of things.
And plus, our younger generations are not as sexually active as we were because there's so much porn and everything, so they actually don't need to get it, you know, So there's this possibility that she's a sexual.
Yeah.
Also just leave her alone, Like, there's nothing that's sexy about talking to your mother about sex. Yeah, that's not going to probe her. I mean, that's not going to push her. Sorry to say probe. That's not trying to true into anything. So back off, mom, Back off.
Our first caller today is Beth. She is thirty.
Dear Chelsea, I've been with my partner for almost seven years. I'm thirty and he's fifty two. I'm biologically child free. However, last summer, my partner's teenage son moved in with us full time from the West Coast to the southeast because he was expelled from his school and was having various behavioral challenges. The transition was extremely challenging for me personally, as someone who has no desire to have kids, so much so that I got my tubes removed earlier this year.
But I also did it for our relationship, as my partner and I have different ideas of parenting. At times, I do think his son is a good person at heart, but his communication is regularly disrespectful and loud. He doesn't ever take accountability, which is super triggering for me. My partner and I have been in couple's therapy for co parenting, which has been helpful for the relationship, but I still
find myself frustrated with his son's behavior. I absolutely loved your book and how you wrote about your relationship with POOPSI, Whoopsie, and Oopsie. It really touched me, and I admire how you built a relationship with them and became such an influence in their life. So my question is this, when I'm so frustrated with my partner's son's behavior, how do I get over my frustration and irritability? What do you think I can or should do to build a us
relationship with him. I've been in his life since he was seven. We've gone on vacations together, we play video games, sometimes I drive in places. Do his laundry, occasionally cook family dinner for the three of us nightly, among other things. But I'm still struggling with the relationship dynamic I have with his son. Please help me be a better step mom. I'd like to have what you're having.
Love you so much, Beth, Hi, Beth, Hi, Chelsea.
Hi, this is Wendy McClendon Covey, our special guest today.
Hi.
Hi, Bed Yeah, nice, see too.
That's nice that you're I mean, first of all, it's very nice that you're trying so hard and that you want to try hard, you know, and that is a difficult situation.
How old is he again?
He is fifteen.
Okay, it was hard in the beginning when he first came, I was kind of on the fence because it was so hard because I'm the oldest of seven kids. So that was also that's like just a component of life.
Like you've done your mothering.
Yeah, it's was hard, kind of is.
But now I'm more in those spirit of like, Okay, I'm trying to give this a try and just fully embrace it. And when I get so irritable and frustrated, like this is kind of also been a hard week, it makes me I don't want to say, not want to try, but it makes me feel just overwhelmed.
And is he how like what level of disrespect does he exhibit to you towards you.
So he'll get I mean, he's a teenager, so I know teenagers have attitudes, but he'll have an attitude or a whole talk back. He also doesn't know when enough is enough or like when to stop. So like, for example, this weekend, we went to the beach and you know, hoarsing around. We had fun, and then it's like, okay, we're done. But all throughout the rest of the day
he kept antagonizing and just hitting me. And then I was laying in bed Saturday night with my partner and he comes in and like hits me on the head, like thinking he's joking, and I'm like, I'm trying.
To go to sleep enough. So it's just also just like not knowing when enough is enough.
Uh.
And I'm also someone that stays very calm.
I don't like yelling, whereas my partner, you know, they'll get in arguments and yell, and so when I say something to him or point out, you know, hey, your dad is trying to tell you x Y z he then will shut down or who'll become nasty back towards me.
Mm hmm. Sounds like a typical teenager.
Yeah, And sometimes I see a lot of myself in him, Like when I was a teenager, I was also very like headstrong, so I relate to him on some levels. We're also both libras, if that means anything to you, but.
I'm a lilybra as well.
I go, yeah, let's go great, because I I don't get it.
I don't know what that means.
Just balance and yeah, wanting balance and stuff, but right right.
Yeah, it's just I think it's been hard also because I don't want kids for a very very you know, long list of reasons. So yeah, I'm just not sure what to do in terms of how to not be.
So triggered and frustrated.
Because I'm also in my own recovery for mental health, so personal responsibility and accountability to me means a lot, and it's very, very frustrating to try to build awareness around him of like how to take accountability like he's getting. He gets in arguments with teachers a lot, and it's always the other person's fault, So I think that's that's hard for me.
Too, Yeah, that's annoying well, and but also again he's fifteen years old, so his brain isn't fully formed yet, right, and it's not going to be for unfortunately for another ten years because he's a man. So that's like what twenty five twenty six was when their brain's fully formed?
Is that right?
Yep?
Or is it later?
I want to say, like twenty five to twenty is when you're like frontal lobe is done cooking.
What I've learned when I took my parenting classes for poopsie, woopsie and oopsie, what I've learned is like you know, when they're they're combative, it's different with a boy. So well, when they are combative, it's like you have to be in a joking mood with them, Like you can't meet their anger with anger, like your husband yelling at him
when in him yelling like that doesn't do anything. That just keeps the cycle going and it's like a storm in the sky that's just moving around in different areas. But when you meet their anger with like, yeah, I
hear you. You sound pissed off. You must be pissed. Yeah, you sound really pissed off, not validating his feelings, but acknowledging how he feels, you know what I mean, not saying you're right and that your feeling is justified by like, wow, you do seem really pissed off, you know, let me give you some space, or like, okay, well, I'll be over here when you calm down, you know, when you want to talk about it. If you want to talk
about it, I'm here. You don't have to whatever. Like you just kind of throw it back at them in the moment that they're in, so that you're not ignoring their feelings and it actually makes you feel better because you're What we tend to do, I think when we're dealing with other people's children is take things so personally and it's not personal. Like they're going through puberty. They
have all these hormones raging through their bodies. Their temper is not their own, their emotions are not their own. You know, it's a period in their life where they're just uncontrolled. It doesn't happen as badly with every teenager, but it happens a lot and it sounds like that's what's happening with him, you know, And in the moments of calm is when you can kind of point things out.
And since you're a stepmom, it's a very specific dance of being like, you know, you want to be like a cool person in their life that they can come to. You want to like open up that avenue and be like, listen, I know this is frustrating, but like, let when you want to talk about it, if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here. I'm always here for you, you know, and not to like impose yourself on them, but to make sure. And it sounds like you're doing
all those things. You're spending time with him, You're cooking dinners every night, do all of the things that put the marbles in the jar so that he knows he has an ally and someone he can rely on. And like the instance of him coming in and smacking you on the head in the bedroom when you're done playing, like how did you react in that moment?
I just turned over slowly and looked at him, and I was like really, like just I didn't yell at him or it was like what did I doing?
Why did you?
I just acknowledged maybe this isn't the time and place, like it's nine o'clock at night, we had fun at the beach earlier, but you know, and his dad has noticed the same thing, Like they'll rough house and they'll play around, but then it's still the same of like he doesn't know when to stop, and if we try to, I don't want to say, he gets stern, but like more serious of like okay, hey, it's time to stop. Then that triggers him and he gets upset and then is like, oh, you guys are no fun.
Or you know, why do you always have a problem, And.
It's like, no, it's just because he's embarrassed.
He's embarrassed to get like so how did you react when you did that, when you turned over and you gave him that look, did he get the message?
He just walked out great.
Great, But that's the result you want, like end of that, you know what I mean, without an argument?
He got the message.
So I think you're doing a good job with the way you're handling it, by not losing your temper, by being available when they need you.
And you know, when he.
Gets in fights with his teachers repetitively, it's not about like, oh, you know, what's your part in this?
Because he's not there yet. He's only fifteen years old. But it's just acknowledging.
Yeah, that must be really tough, without laying blame on either person, him or the teacher. Be sure that you're not doing that, you know, which it doesn't sound like you are. But by just being available, available for the good moods, for the bad moods, being around there, don't allow yourself to be a punching bag. But that doesn't warrant fight either. You can just say I'm sorry, I'm not interested in this right now. Like you're kind of
being aggressive, that's fine, you're in a mood. I'm going to go over there, or I'm going to go to my room, and then when you're ready to talk, come get me. I'm always here that kind of attitude. Do you get what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, I do that that makes sense.
And I think because it's it's like I want to be a support for him, which I think I am, but.
I like it sounds like you definitely are.
Yeah.
I try.
And I've known him since, like I said, I you seven, and you know, we've had instances where Who'll just come and talk to me and start telling me stuff about girls or whatever is going on in school and we've had some good conversations like why he thinks he lies and why he thinks he does and thinks he does. And I've noticed that if he is not being yelled at, he is also more inclined to be calm, which is, you know, the ideal.
Well, of course, I mean everyone's going to be more common they're not being yelled at. Yeah, what do you think, Wendy.
Well, first question, are they in therapy together?
He was in anger management classes when he lived back out on the West Coast.
And I'm a big proponent for therapy. I wish he would do it, that his dad would kind of push to do it. He thinks he doesn't need it, Okay, Well, two of.
Them need to be in therapy together.
I think Yeah, I think so too. I think that's a great idea.
And I'm I am a little concerned that you have been adamant about how you don't want kids, but you are taking on this mother role. I don't know that that just kind of stuck out to me, like hmm, I don't know, Beth.
I think, at the very minimum, the least that your husband can do in exchange for you taking on this role that you did not seek out for yourself would be to mandate that there is a you know, therapy like that, that he goes to therapy with his son, or that his son go alone. He's the father, the kid is fifteen. He doesn't really have a choice.
It doesn't matter that a.
Fifteen year old doesn't think they need therapy.
That's just in valle you know, like, and that has to be on him, and you know what I mean, that has nothing to do with you. It can't be coming from you. It has to be coming from his father. And that could be an easy requirement. He wasn't living with you guys, and he was going to anger managements. That's a sign that he should be continuing in the direction of therapy in some capacity for sure.
Yeah. And you shouldn't be the only one doing all the inner work. You know, you're in recovery. You said so that that can be very triggering. And I feel like that's the biggest piece of the puzzle is the two of them need to work on this together.
So can you talk to your husband about that? Do you feel comfortable having that conversation?
Yeah, for sure, And I think you might be open to it.
I hadn't thought about that before of both of them going together, because like my partner, we were together in therapy, which we've only what we've been doing it for about three months now, which it's it's been helpful, but he's admitted and knows he parents from a place of guilt of like dad guilt.
But that's that's in stuff he needs to deal with.
Not me.
Yeah, and and and he should and that kid should just be going to therapy on his own anyway. You know, it sounds like he's been uprooted and moved around, like he needs to go to therapy. You don't just go to anger management classes. And then that's the end of the story. You know, there's got to be another transition and another phase out and it's only going to be helpful.
But that has to come from your husband.
So why don't you have that conversation with your husband and be like, listen, this is I'm putting a lot of effort here, you know. And also the self work that you're talking about, like you know, letting him trie like you're doing a great job. So patch yourself on the back for that. This kid's not going to unmoor you. He's not gonna you know, you're think of yourself as
a tree. You're a tree and there are leaves and there are branches that might wave around through the wind and storms, but you were firmly planted in the ground. You've done your work, You're in recovery, and this is just another way that you can like spread your love around, you know, via him, with with all of the components in play, and that being one of the major components being therapy.
Thank you.
I do really appreciate that because I've really been trying and yeah, on the start, it was a debate for me, and inner debate of do I stay or do I go because of just the trauma I've been through my life, you know, being the seven and just mothering and parenting is just I like my time being my time. I like to have my freedom, and I mean I still kind of have that. It was a it was a real adjustment in the beginning last fall.
I bet, I bet.
I think one way to get a little bit of time back is he's fifteen. He can do his own laundry.
Let's get that off your plate.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't need to be cleaning semen out of socks. That's that's yeah, below your pay grade.
Okay, Beth, will you check in with us and let us know.
How it goes?
Yes, definitely, thank you. I just want to say thank you so much.
And Chelsea, I look up to you so much and value your authenticity like I just, I really am so grateful for this opportunity and I just I yeah, I just You're an inspiration to me.
So thank you.
I love it. Thank you so much. Thank you you.
As well, Hi beg. All right, well let's take a quick break and we can come back with our caller.
Okay, well, take a quick break, we'll be right back.
Please tag me for the Special because I get so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special and my special is the newest thing out, so I want to make sure all my Ardent fans are watching it and tagging me and I'll repost you. And yes, it's called the Feeling, And we're back with Wendy McLendon covey. How I'm alifluous. It just rolls right off, just.
Roll, you know what.
Yeah, Wendy McLendon covey.
Yes, Well, our last caller today is Alexandra. She is thirty two. She says, Dear Chelsea, I am in a very awkward situation with my neighbor. Me and my neighbor became friends this past year over our dogs. Becoming friends, we started so annoying. We started going on dog walks together and hanging out occasionally, having drinks and things like that. We never had any issues until she slept with my
best friend Jack. When I found out they were texting, I told them both they shouldn't sleep with each other because it's going to make things very weird between all of us, and boy did it. Essentially, they ended up sleeping together, both agreeing that it was a one night stand, and after he didn't message her because it was a one night stand, she started acting really weird. She started to take her feelings out on me on our dog walks,
even though I asked not to be involved. Two times she asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, and the walk was perfectly fine, until out of nowhere she corners me and says things like, I feel like I'm just your dog walking friend and we never hang out together on the weekends. She started to get really possessive over me, to the point where I had some friends over for my birthday with my friend Jack included,
and she got really weird because she wasn't invited. I decided that I needed to tell her she can't treat me like shit like this before we go out, so I replied to a text with the following, I wanted to say this before we go out to walk again. Since you and Jack slept together, you've taken some of your feelings out on me, and I don't want another
awkward walk. Us being dog friends was never a problem before you guys slept together, and I don't feel like I should have to explain myself for having close friends over for a party for you. Ntex Yeah, I'm cool if you are. I never got a response, and this was a little while ago. I feel we're both actively avoiding each other, Chelsea, what do I do? Our windows literally face each other. Alexandra Well, Hi, Hi, Alexandra Well, good text, by the way, good text.
I mean, I don't know, you know, she has to get over that. I don't know that there's anything you can do other than like time will pass. But it's gonna be a problem because Jack is your best friend, so he's going to be resurfacing right.
Yeah, to always a little bit of timeless pass now, but we've bumped into each other and like not said a word because I'm like, I'm not going to back down, and she probably feels the same. And yeah, they I don't think they've spoken to each other either. They've probably I think they said hi in passing, but I just been like, no, like you can't just ghost me like that. Yeah, I feel like it's really a strange behavior. But I'm also not backing down.
Well, but also who I mean, like really, who gives a shit about her?
And you know what I mean?
You and your dogs, like like your dog has can you can go for a walk without her?
You don't.
It's not like a relationship that is built, like you have this deep, deep friendship like you were dog walking buddies. So until she can actually get her shit together and get over it, it was one night stand and that take that face value people say all the time and to fine with that, and then they're not fine with it, and it's so annoying.
It's like you knew what.
This was, so I wouldn't worry about extending an olive branch or anything. You know, after like a few months go by you can like if you want to drop a bottle of wine at our front door and be like, are you ready to just start walking our dogs again or do you need more time?
Yeah?
You know what I mean, Like you could do something cute like that if you want to, but it sounds like you don't want to. And by the way, who cares, Like, yes, your windows face each other, but you know this is why you don't become friends with your neighbors.
Oh my god, I definitely learned my lesson.
We had some new neighbors moving a couple days ago, and now I was just like hello, and also and yeah, you're so right. I don't really I've really stopped caring
about being friends. I think in the beginning it was just really weird because our windows literally face each other, and like her front door is right there, and I'll see her leave and she'll see me leave, and it's just like, yeah, I don't care, but our dogs will just be like oh my god, you again and like my friend like and then I'm just like, no, you can't be friends anymore. This friendship's over. Yeah, And we like bumped into each other out on a dog walk
and like nobody else was there. It was really weird. It was like six in the morning, and like our dogs were like playing with each other and we just didn't say a word to each other.
And I was just like, this is so weird.
But yeah, I don't really want to be her friend, if I'm honest with you, because clearly her friendships you have to have like terms and conditions and I'm not really do exactly.
And it's annoying, right, Wendy, don't you agree?
Like who I mean, it's hard when the dog children get involved, I know, But the only thing you can do, Yeah, the only sane thing to do is ignore the whole situation. Yeah, she's an adult who made an adult decision, and this does not have to fall on those shoulders.
She's an adult who made an adult decision and then acted like is acting like a child. So and you didn't do anything wrong except for warn them not to do it because of this outcome and now you're sitting here.
You didn't do anything to her.
No, And I even tried, like before they when they were talking about sleeping with each other, I had her around and I did like the whole girl coaching, and I was just like, I'm going to look after you here, and I'm going to tell you not to do it or please not to do it, because like and try to say it in a nice way, like he is my best friend and it wasn't like you're not, but also like it just is going to get weird and it's like, oh, but it isn't a little bit of fun, okay,
And I'm just like and I knew he just wanted to one nice son anyway, and you made it perfectly clear. And then I just had a feeling something crazy was going to happen. And then they did it anyway, and I was just like, look, I've warned you, and I tried to be like the good girlfriend and you didn't listen, and now you're just being really strange.
So yeah, I feel like you don't have to be friends with her, but just to like, you know, you've said to her, hey, we're cool, and I would just act as such like you are going to run into her when you do like hey, so and so and like.
And she's were that's on her, Like I you don't have to ingest that, you know what I mean? You be, you do, you do your thing. You don't have to be silent when you see you can say how are you didn't know what?
Or did you read this or I don't know whatever.
You guys would normally talk about or talk about something related to the dogs. But like, if she's acting strange, then that's on her. You haven't done anything, yeah yeah, yeah, and you warned her I.
Did.
You are absolved from any responsibility.
That's I think why I'm more mad than like sad. I just got really angry because I was just like I tried to do the right thing by you, and really I really didn't need to clearly didn't need to like try and look after you.
So thanks, Okay, Well problem solved. You need to move.
I keep hoping she will.
I hope she does too.
Yeah, I'm sure she will, all right.
Thanks for being out in Alexandra.
Thank you so much, thank you bye bye.
That this reminds me of an expression from like one of my second grade teachers who used to say a word to the wise. Who did she say a word to the wise? Should be sufficient? That reminded me The story is like, don't talk to your neighbors. You know you can be you can be neighborly, but don't get involved with them.
Well, since since I'm in New Orleans, I do have a folk magic sure or for sketchy neighbors.
What is it?
And that is you focus a mirror at their house and all their bad energy gets reflected back to them. Oh so, you know, depends on how bad they are, how sketchy they really are, the you know, whatever happens as a result. But we did that with some of our neighbors and they moved.
Well.
Great, Wendy, wait to wait for the guests to be off of the show to tell us that, especially when they have two windows fucking facing each other.
Well, she's gonna listen to this podcast. Error doesn't have to be a big one.
Yeah, exactly, and then you know that's a great that's great.
I would try it, try it. Yeah, that can happen.
Okay, Wendy, thank you so much for being on the podcast today.
Thank you for having me.
And when does this have St. Dennis Medical Season two start?
You know, we start back at work in June, but I'm assuming the fall we will be back on NBC. So awesome.
Yeah, and is it Peacock or is it NBC? It's NBC the first run and then the next day on Peacock.
Okay, so everybody can watch Saint Dennis Medical on.
NBC or Peacock and you can catch up on Peacock and you can catch up on Peacock. Watch it first and then catch up on it later.
Exactly.
Thank you so much for being here, love, Thanks for having speaking with you.
All right, have a great day in New Orleans.
Thank you. Okay, have a good one as well. Talk to you soon.
Bye. Okay.
My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth. We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then November one and twenty ninth. November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
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