Everyone's in Love with Me with Chelsea and Catherine

Hi, Hi Catherine. Oh hi Chelsea, Hi, I still have deep throat boys. Oh my gosh, Chelsea, where are you now?

Well?

I just did a road trip mm hmm with my new dog, Mochi, who's a five year old child.

I saw a picture of him and he is pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen.

He's a big, fat baby. He's seventy pounds, so it's exactly my body type. And I took him and Bernice and he had never flown before, so his family didn't want him anymore because they had a baby or something.

So I had to pick him up.

And he had never been on a plane, so I didn't want to freak him out because you know, like and fly him up to Whistler. But no one in my family thought I could do it. Everyone's like, do not go on a road trip from LA to Whistler, Chelsea, like yourself with Bernice and Mochi meeting for the first time and then in a car together for I mean two days.

Basically, I went through to San Francisco.

I stayed with my sister one night, and then my friend Kelly from Whistler was like, let me come down and meet you. You're not competent enough to drive yourself to Whistler. And I was like, no, because all I wanted to do was be alone and bond with my dogs. But you can't really bond with a new dog when you're driving, right. Bernie's is a good girl, and I was gonna leave her behind this winter because my Belle. She's happy at my Bell's and she's got Felix, her boyfriend, who's.

Our dog guy at the house. But she's just been looking so cute lately.

I just couldn't bear this might be her last year with us. She's older, but she's so cute.

She's really scrumpshot.

So I had to take her.

I had to take her, and if she doesn't, I'm going to stay until I've towed the Critics' Choice Awards. Oh, by the way, I just announced new dates in Australia, everybody, and New Zealand, so take a look at those on Chelseahandler dot com.

And I am coming to Salt Lake City.

There are tickets for that, and all my Canadian dates are this winter, so you know, follow me and you'll find out anyway.

Bernice is she's a good traveler.

She is, actually she doesn't want any trouble. She just like wants to mind her business. And she's good with other dogs. Yeah, she gets annoyed if they like, you know, come.

Like bother her, but she's good.

Yeah.

So I have a new family and we'll see how long.

And oh what I was saying is if it doesn't work out like with Brinice doesn't like Whistler and she's not into the snow. There's not a lot of snow here yet, m m, then I will take her back in January when I come.

Back to the beach.

Choice.

But Mochi's going to stay with me, and they'll keep each other company when I'm skiing and doing my bad parenting exactly.

They can be each other's pack. Well, Chelsea, I know you usually do family stuff for the holidays. Is there anything you're looking forward to?

Oh, you know what's happening this year.

I'm moving out of my house so I can move into a bigger house that I had to rent for my family.

So that's what I'm doing. You're a new house that just got finished or no, your house was no, no.

No, because that's never going to be finished.

That's in la. I just saw that house.

And it's still not done. Just although it's going to be gorgeous, just in time for me to move to New York City.

Excellent.

But I've already lost interest in that house. It's taken so long.

Anytime anything takes long, I can't I've lost interest.

I don't care. Well, it's hard to be like, have the same passion for something that you had three years ago.

I bought that I ordered the floors for that house two years ago.

That is years ago, so obviously, like, but Carla is staying back and she is battening down the hatches.

She's whipping everyone into shape.

So there's been more progress progress, I'm saying because I'm saying it like that now because I'm in Canada, and there's been more progress since she's been staying behind, So that's been helpful.

Good.

Yeah, I think she'll whip everybody into shape and gets shipped done.

So my family arrives momentarily, you know, in a couple of days, and then we have a house for a week, and then they leave and then I have like three weeks off before my next date in Vancouver or Kelowna or Edmonton, wherever the hell I'm going next.

Yeah, it sounds like I do need it.

I do need it, get into bed and then like not move for at least a week of that. I know that's I can't wait.

I need sleep and skis and skis skis will rejuvenate me.

Today is our holiday episode, Chelsea.

Which holiday are we celebrating.

We're celebrating all of them, Kanza, Christmas, all the things Anica. We have some holiday themed questions. Some callers talking about the new year. Okay, great, Yes, So my fifteen year old nephew and I'm not sure if anyone else in my family realizes what he has asked for. And he's like, not into drugs whatever, but he asked for a book on finding psilocybin mushrooms in the forest. You know that,

Fine, who cares, I mean, let everybody. The more educated people are about drugs the better.

I kind of agree, and I said, I would like to supplement that with How to Change Your Mind. Yeah, that's a good book, right, which is by Michael polland Michael Pollin. Yeah, by Michael Pollan. And then my sister was like, no, wait till he's twenty. I'm like, but it's not something that makes you want to do drugs.

It's just everybody, no, exactly, it's good to be educated. Also, that's what I gave everybody. That's Christmas. I gave everybody two books. That's what I sent out for Christmas gifts, The Great Alone and Atomic Habits.

Oh fantastic, very different books.

So that, yeah, that's my gift to everyone. I'm just only giving books out from now on.

Yeah, I think that's good.

M hmm.

I'm still reading Tomorrow, Tomorrow, tomorrow.

But I mean, I'm just not that interested in that book, even though everyone else loves it so much.

Oh see, I started it and I'm very into it.

Really, it was so interesting about it, you know.

What, I because I knew you said this a couple of weeks ago.

And I've never taken It's never taken me longer to read a book. But that's also really writing my book. So I'm writing a book, so my focus is really there, and then in between I read.

Yeah, I feel like it reads a little like a genreving book, where it's really just about the character development and sort of their interaction. I don't know. I like it.

But it's about gaming. It's it's all about gaming. Everyone kept saying, it's not that. Don't worry, it's not about gaming. It's all about gaming.

Yeah, I'm only about a quarter of the way through, but like it's sort of about I don't know. I feel like it's about games as informs their relationship. That's what I'm getting from. But I'm also only a quarter of the way through.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know how far I am. I don't think i'm more than halfway through either, but I guess i'll finish it.

Well, that's on everyone else's your endless but we'll not put it on your year end list. No, no, no, no, I know.

Yeah, but the grade alone I will always recommend and circ Yeah, yeah, you love that one.

I have that book. I'm going to read that again. I haven't read it. I picked it up in a bookstore the other day and I just I read a few pages and I didn't know if like the prose was for me. But I don't know.

Maybe I should give it a try. Oh from the beginning, Yeah, it's you got to get into it. That's like a fantasy book. Yeah, Greek mythology.

But I'm not into that either. But I loved it.

I love the use her just her writing is so powerful, like she just knows how to finish a sentence or write a sentence.

Speaking of your end lists, are there any like movies, TV books that you experience this year that you love and want to recommend?

Well, I need to watch all those movies for the Critics' Choice Awards.

I haven't seen any of the movies yet. I only saw My Maestro.

Yeah, yeah, I saw that at a friend's house because she was screening it.

And that was really good.

That Carrie Mulligan, it's fucking awesome.

She is just a yeah she is. Yeah, she's in it and she's so good too. I love a period piece Sarah Silverman, like she was in Masters of Sex. I'm like dressed all nineteen fifties and yeah.

Yeah, she does some good movie choices.

Yeah, she's fantastic. I did watch May December, which is how is that.

I've heard mixed reviews about that.

It's very camp, but it's really interesting and I think like it's very interesting to watch from like an acting standpoint, and the story is really good. It's a lot about manipulation. It's interesting too because you have all these like incredible actors and yet the music is almost like TV movie music, Like it's very dunt dun dun duh, and it's a very chousic is off.

That's what they said, that it doesn't add up to the movies.

Yeah, but see, I I loved that choice because there's sort of like a revelation at the end. You understand why they sort of made that sort of cheesy choice. But the acting is incredible, the story is really good. There's a lot of manipulation and you kind of like power dynamics shifting and it's really cool. Yea's really cool.

Well, I've been watching a lot of TV, but I can't even remember what I'm watching.

I'm watching The Gilded Age.

That what I'm watching. I haven't seen the second season yet, but I don't even know what I'm watching half the time.

I Mean, I just.

Don't even know.

Yeah, I mean, sometimes I'm paying attention. Sometimes I'm not.

When I came home from my last dight in Ottawa, which was so fun, Toronto crowds were so awesome, Otta was I was so awesome. I landed on a Sunday, went out thinking I was dying.

On the Sunday, I'm dying.

I was like, oh my god, No, I was so sick, and I had two Christmas things to go do, and I was like, I kept trying to get out of both of them. I ended up getting home at two am Sunday night at two am, this is last week. Then Monday, I had another thing. I had a goop thing for Gwyneth, and then I had another thing, and then we went out to dinner, and I and I went out again, and then it's just it was non stop.

Give yourself a bedtime.

I know, I don't know what I think I'm doing anymore.

I'm like, I think I'm thirty thirty years old and I'm not thirty years old, and I need like I need to I need like a pump of adrenaline or something. Yeah, you know, but you know I need a shot of energy.

The best thing to give you that is just.

Like a ball is what I need? I need an eight ball? Who has an eight ball?

No?

You know what you got to do the suburban speedball, which is like your first drink is an espresso Martini and then you do something out.

Espresso Martini's fucking work.

They wake you up, They wake you up, and then you have a butt and it's great.

Uh huh.

You can't do too many of that because then you'll be up all night or your heart could explode. Like these people who drank these extreme lemonades. Have you heard about this?

Who?

Yes, at this particular fast food chain. I'm not going to say which one, but two people have died after drinking these cafinated lemonades. Is it like a red bull?

It's like a red so they had a heart attack.

Yep, he had a heart attack and died. Two people have died after drinking men.

Did they take they recall them?

No?

I don't think Yeah, I don't think they've it yet. We don't know if that was what caused it. But they died. Doesn't sound like a positive situation. Oh, it's all crazy anyway, don't drink over caffee to drinks everybody. Okay, well, should we go to some callers. I also have some follow ups. Okay, so Chelsea, you know, we have our NYC girls who are child free and have been chatting, and I've been putting them all together. They started like

Oh my god, No, that's so cool.

Very happy for them. There have been a couple ladies who've reached out about Chicago. So Chicago, if you want to start a group, let me know, and then I have one other. This feels like a fun holiday surprise, though it's not exactly holiday. But Brooke had written in way back on our Jamie Green Burke ep and she was struggling with infertility and looking for ways to be positive. So you and Jamie gave her some really good advice.

Brook, That's great, Yes, Jamie, Jamie listens to every podcast, So Jamie, way to go, Jamie.

You finally have contributed something to the world. You you ladies got Brooke pregnant.

Jamie's recently got kicked off of her own daughter's softball team because she's in one of those sideline moms.

Well she didn't get kicked off, but.

She has to stop going to games for her daughter's mental health. She's she's such an asshole. At the games that she had. Her daughter was like, she goes, I don't think I'm going to come to any games anymore, and her daughter's like, I think that's best.

Oh no, I think old is so ridiculous. She's so competitive. Oh my god. I knew she really enjoyed going to these, but I didn't know it was like that. Yeah, I know, I guess. Yeah, we love Jamie. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll come back with some questions. OK, guys, and we're back. So our first caller today, Chelsea, is Lauren.

Hi Hi, Lauren, Hi, Hi.

How are you?

I'm doing well?

How are you just hanging on by a thread like we all are during the holiday season?

Yes, truly.

So it sounds like you don't know you're not looking forward to your holidays.

Well, I haven't the last few years and kind of been doing a lot of soul searching about letting other people decide what I'm going to be doing kind of with my time, and you know, kind of need to wanted to take back, like the joy you know of it, and just feeling like sometimes you get kind of stuck into what people think you should do. So you know, there's a lot of expectations, which you know, you've talked about with women about what we're supposed.

To be doing.

And you know, I'm a step pa and kind of always been responsible person with my family and others.

How many step children do you have?

Three?

Three?

And how old were they when you guys got married.

How old were the kids?

Well, when I met my husband, we dated for quite a while, but they were six eleven, fourteen and now they're grown.

So do they think of you as a parent figure? What's the dynamic?

Like?

Well, they do, but I feel like, and I know I'm not ever going to be like at the level of their parents, you know. I mean, I just feel like I can take it for granted, it's not a big deal. On my birthday or Mother's Day, they don't plan anything, they don't do anything. I mean, I might get flowers or something, and it's not that I want something, but you know, just even saying, hey, let me take you out for a cup of tea or a glass of wine or something, and you know, it doesn't have

And you know, and what of your previous conversations with them, you said they didn't go well in the letter, like, give us an example, tell us what happened.

Well, it's kind of like they when I've told them. I was talking to my stepdad with this Thanksgiving because there was a big blow up because she found out that we were supposed to go to my family and I told my husband about it, and to be honest, you know, I probably could have communicated better and said, hey, you know because I told him, hey, you know, tell them we're going to be my family, but we're here for Christmas.

And meaning they're not invited to your family's Thanksgiving.

Well they could, but they they're not. They're not going to come. They're not going to make the effort to get on a plane and go. And so they had Thanksgiving up our house.

With and without you.

Yeah, and they all really like stepped up and like they were calling it. They were like which they wouldn't do with me. They would just kind of assume that I was posting the whole thing. And so they called my husband before I left and said, hey, yeah, so you know we're going to do this. We're going to do that. You know. My husband's like, I'll roast the turkey. He called me on Thanksgiving and asked me how to do it.

I mean, well, and specifically, Lauren, I know you said that even if it's hosted at one of the kids house, they expect you to cook the entire meal and sort of throw throw the whole party.

Well, yeah, they going to my stepdaughter's house in another city. She said, we can have it up there. But then I'm kind of expected to come up and they don't plan anything. I go to the grocery store and they're like, okay, what are we going to do? And so, and you know, I think I've kind of let it happen that way.

Yeah, it sounds like it. It sounds like you. Yeah, so I.

Take responsibility for that. But I'll throw out an email saying what can you guys bring? And I don't hear anything, and you know, like a couple days before and then it's like okay, well, I don't know, you know, And I said, then I have to kind of keep prodding them, and it's.

It's just it sounds like you haven't done a very good job of creating any boundaries which I can relate to.

I also am bad at creating boundaries, but you should.

You need to, and clearly they stepped up and are capable of doing it in your absence, so that they're so now that you you know, you can use Thanksgiving as a perfect example, like you guys really stepped up over Thanksgiving. I would love for that to happen in Christmas and actually moving forward on all holidays. It's a lot of pressure on me to take care of everything.

And you can also throw in there that you didn't appreciate spending Thanksgiving without your husband, you know what I mean. That's it's you don't have to spend every Thanksgiving with you know, people split holidays all the time in divorces with their children, especially the adult children. I mean, they're married, They're going to go to their spouses at some point for Thanksgiving or Christmas. You have to set a new set of rules, like moving forward, This isn't your only burden.

Yeah, I think I think that's fair. And I at first was like, okay, well, you guys just decide what you're going to do for the holidays and let me know and I'll work around it. But then I realized, no, you know, that's not okay, and I want to spend at least one of the holidays with my husband. So I just said, you know, we're going to do every other holiday and if you guys want to come out, you're always welcome, but you're going to have to make

It is.

Yeah, and this is a perfect jumping off point. This is a perfect like turning point. Since you did opt out for Thanksgiving to spend it with your own family, and they noticed your absence and the impact it had on the dinner, it's a perfect opportunity for you to go, Okay, moving forward, let's all work together so that there's not so I'm not responsible for everything, because it's really hard to provide for everyone. You're talking about six people now, right,

She leaves on the other side of the country. They see her at other times of the year.

So when's your next holiday together? Christmas?

Yeah?

I think to give you some specific boundaries that you can set, whether you're hosting or someone else's hosting. I think is perfectly fair to say in advance let them know, like, hey, I'm going to make this one dish or these two dishes, and I would love for you guys to all bring something. Feel free to let me know what you're bringing, or you can just bring something, but letting them know, like the rest of the meal will be a group effort. It will be on them to bring some things as well.

And it's not a request. It's like, you know, that's how it's going to be.

Like you have to frame it in a way that it's not a you're not asking, you're telling them.

Yes, and then you don't do anything that you didn't say you were going to do. The way the boundary gets broken is by you then doing the thing you said you weren't going to do. Right, So like, let it be a little messy. This is this is something I've learned with my with my in laws is I'll be like, hey, here's how I think it should be done, and then when I'm ignored, I just have to be like okay, and then it's a little messy and guess what,

Yeah, I'm realizing because it's like I don't have that kind of energy that I used to have. Kind of the holidays have become like a day of work for me. It's like a.

Work, right, It's like not fun and it's like preparing the day before and.

Yeah, listen, everyone reacts to boundaries initially like they're offended, and then eventually it turns into respect and it's not long after the first offense, like the feeling of offense.

So I just just.

Set the boundaries, send an email, put it together, and also have a little bit more oomph about what you're gonna fucking do and what you're not gonna do.

Don't let people take advantage of you.

You have one life to live, like, enjoy yourself and make sure people are respecting you and you feel good about it, because then you're going to have a much better experience too.

Yeah, looking forward to next year, people respond well to knowing what the expectation should be. So maybe there's some regularity you can do where it's like, Okay, Thanksgiving we always been with my family, and Christmas we always spend with your family, to your husband, to the kids. And that can also be something that he's communicating.

Yes, thank you, I really appreciate it, and I really love the podcast.

Oh thanks Lauren. Get your shit together, okay, sister, Yes, okay, okay, stronger okay, right bye.

Bye, And he says, dear Chelsea, I want to start off by saying how much I look forward to your podcast every week to always bring a smile to my face. I'm writing in because my boyfriend of ten years, yes, ten years, keeps hinting at an engagement. The funny story is he's been hinting at it for so long now it's starting to feel a little boy who cried wolf. We had our son in October of twenty twenty, and

I mean, why legally bind yourself to any person, But when you have a child it becomes a different issue.

I think, I don't know.

It sounds like you should probably try counseling before you make any decision, because him not being understanding of your postpart of depression is a big red flag if he doesn't get that right, and I mean, he needs to understand why he's not empathetic enough. And also saying like to think I was going to propose to you, That doesn't sound like a loving thing that any partner ex girls should ever say to someone. That's gross. So I

Work, and I think counseling like with the intent of like improving your relationship, not necessarily should we or shouldn't we get married? Yeah, don't put so much pressure on that.

I've been talking to a new therapist who's like, you know, talking about one of our main issues is like not trying to control the outcome of things, you know, especially with relationships. Don't go into therapy thinking like we're gonna fix everything. Go into therapy thinking we're gonna find out if we belong together, you know, like taking it more by moment and figuring out, like, because whatever the result is, you're gonna be Okay. It's not going to be the

That, okay, this is where we are, let's talk about it.

If we're compatible enough to stay together and work through these issues and survive together, and you know, you don't have to throw it out right away. But it's good that you knew about the ring, you saw it, and it's good that he said that to you, because it's that's an icky thing to say, and that's one of the first things you should bring up in therapy.

Now, if he does propose sort of all over the holidays, oh with you, we would you preempt it and be like, if you're thinking of asking, now is not the moment. Let's go get some couples counseling.

Yes, I would definitely say if you're thinking about proposing to me, but it sounds like this guy's going to pretend he never She could say, you know what you should do. You should say, listen, I found the ring in the closet. I know you've mentioned to me a couple of times you were going to propose to me. If you are thinking about proposing, I don't think this is the time. I think we have some issues we have to work through, and I want to take the

And also like that should be a boundary that you guys set up in therapy, is like here are some specific things you're not allowed to say to each other. Brad and I have our specific thing, like very specific lines of dialogue that we are never allowed to throw out in a fight, and this should be one of them, because he's like spoiled the idea of even getting married

You can't stop making people fall in love?

With you, it is a bit of a problem.

Well can't you just keep your dick in your pants?

No, I can't.

I did for eight years in my relationship, which you know, As I said in my letter, I'm now at a point in my life for the first time in my life where I actually like myself and I think I'm quite attractive. So I want to be able to explore that.

Well, okay, so I mean I'm off for like having fun affairs with people without getting too attached. I'm with you on that, But so when you start to get attached, what are you thinking? Why do you continue hanging out with them because you're just having a good time.

Because, yeah, because it's really nice.

I find myself having these connections with people where I can just fully be myself, where I feel really comfortable with them, where I have similar similar likes and we can do nice things together and we have great sex, And then I kind of get to this point where I'm like, shit, it's it would be really hard to kind of end this right now, and I think I would really really miss it. And then if I do kind of cut things off, am I then just going to fall into the same thing with someone else?

Well okay, so what's the problem with that that you're breaking everyone's heart?

Is that your well, well, no, there's kind of multiple problems. It's that you know, I ended my year relationship. But one of the reasons why I did was because I really wanted to spend more time more time with myself, and I wanted to have more independence, and I wanted to be selfish and think about myself because you know, being with someone for eight years, you always want to kind of put them first and you want to think

Okay, well, this is all your fault, Like, you know, you have to set a boundary with yourself because you're bound you can't follow your own Like you have to decide, okay, if you don't want people to fall in love with you, if you don't want to break people's hearts and you're having you want to have a casual sex, like you have to be very clear, which I'm sure you're being.

Are you being clear upfront? Like I'm not in this for a relationship?

I am, And it made it even harder.

With the last relationship that I had, or the last longer one, which was I think or seven or eight months, was that I was pretty open throughout our relationship and I said, look, I'm in a really tough place where I love you and have a great connection with you, but I also don't think this is what I wanted the moment. But then the relationship kind of continued on even though I was open about that.

Yeah, I think you have to be firmer with people. If you really are not interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who is getting attached to you, the most compassionate thing you can do is to just cut it off, unless you have no problem going through life just breaking a bunch of people's hearts. I don't think like karmically that's really what you want to do. What it sounds like you want to do is have a lot of casual sex with different people while getting to know yourself better.

And there's nothing wrong with that, you know, But when.

You go out with someone multiple times and you know, like we all know, when someone's more interested in a relationship than we are, and you need to be like decent enough that when you recognize that, you pull back and say, okay, let me cut this off now. Don't let it linger on and on, even when you've said it and they're like, okay, because listen, I've been on

Everyone thinks that they can change somebody. So if you stay with someone.

After you've told them that you're not serious, then that leads them to believe that they are changing your mind, and that's just making a bigger mess of things. So the boundary that you have is with yourself, like you have to stop it, you know, make an amount, like you're not going to see somebody more than three times, so that nobody gets attached to anybody until you're ready for an actual relationship. And this way, nobody can be

I'm away.

Yeah, And I think that's what my ex said as well. When I broke up. They were like, you know, I gave you the opportunity to leave, and then I felt like that you were still in this and then it just kind of dragged on and on. And I think a big part of me kind of staying in these things comes down to spending the majority of my life feeling really insecure, feeling like I wasn't attractive, feeling like I was unlovable, and then I think suddenly having someone come in and be like.

This person really likes me, multiple people like me. This is good. I need to cling to this.

It's I think it's it's those you know, twenty eight years or thirty years of me feeling like I can't have that, I don't deserve that, and then suddenly it happens, and.

I think, I'm like, what's happening is it's a great example, Like that's great people like you, so like, just you don't need others people's validation of how special you are anyway you do, because you've been dehydrated from it from during your eight year relationship. My girlfriend is also experiencing this. She's dating somebody and he's.

All over her like so considerate, making all these plans for her, and she's and he's like, you know, so into her, and she's just like, I've never been treated this nicely and it's annoying, like I'm not attracted to it, and I'm like, oh my god.

You know it's so typical. But listen, you're attracting a lot of people. That's a great thing. Be respectful of other people and their feelings, and most importantly, respect yourself.

Absolutely, I think there's almost a sense of life almost as it's a fomo as well, when I meet these really beautiful people that suddenly I'm like, oh, but then this person then won't be in my life and that'll be really sad, and then I'm missing out on that connection.

Well, you can still have them in your life, just like not in a sexual way for a little while. And I think if there is someone that you can't stop thinking of six months down the road or three months down the road, then like that is your gut telling you to go back and explore something a little bit more.

Mmmmm.

And I think with the last day year relationship, I thought I could change myself. I spent the entire time being like I don't think this is what I want, but I like this person, therefore, I'm going to really try and change it. And I just got to the end and I was like, I really tried to change how I was feeling, and I just I just couldn't.

I couldn't do it.

Something I get a sense about from you is that you're very good at mirroring, and you talk about being very good at people pleasing or that's like your m is people pleasing, and I do wonder, I wonder if you're seeing somebody, if you're seeing a therapist, is sort of like unpack some of this because getting rid of the people pleasing stuff to a healthy degree has been super life changing for me over the last.

Are you in therapy, because now it would be a good time to start.

Yeah, yeah, Look, I've had a pretty crazy year and I hadn't been working for a while so we can come and money was a thing. And now I'm finally in a position or about to be in a position where I'm like, great, I can.

At the top of my priority list.

I need to talk about my shit it because after everything that's happened this year, I've kind of been just pushing it all down and being like I'm totally fine and I just know that it needs to just word vomit onto someone and really unpack it because I know that I know that there's a lot in them to.

Yeah, and like think about your motivations for things too, Like you know what's your intention every time?

It's good to take it down a notch.

You're talking about getting to know yourself and then you're talking about getting lost in a bunch of other people. So those are two conflicting ideas. Also, you know, if you really want to get in touch with yourself, you should slow it down and fuck the fomo. It's not about missing out when you're trying to get to know yourself. It's about putting a deposit into your mental health for

Yeah, I think I do keep putting other people's feelings and emotions before my own when I get into these things.

Yeah, sactly be a selfish act as well.

Even though it sounds like selfless, it can actually be a selfish thing when you're putting other peoples because that creates resentment, that creates all sorts of other emotions, and it's kind of like you think, like you're being drama. Yeah, it's a little like dramatic because you're creating drama, Like I do all of this like I'm doing this for you.

I'm doing this for you.

You're kind of taking the responsibility off of yourself when it's your responsibility, you know.

So I think you need to get your head out.

Of your ass a little bit, get focused, get a good therapist, and just calm down a little bit. Just calm down. You don't need to fuck everybody. You can fuck a couple of people. Don't get involved with anybody when you're not emotionally available. You want to have a good time, go ahead and have it, that's all you, and then spend some time alone, spend quality time with yourself alone.

You mentioned that somebody you're dating has a primary partner, and like, maybe that's a good route for you right now. Is like not somebody who's gonna be like, oh my god, I'm falling alone, someone who already has told you their boundary is that's my primary person. You're the side piece and kind of following that a little bit, Yeah.

I think that's why I'm feeling a little bit more kind of comfortable with the one that's happening at the moment, is because I know that it's I don't know.

I know that there's somewhat of.

A boundary there already from them, so it means that I can't track them down with me.

Yeah. Well, Jordan, on a completely superficial note, I will say, you are now very hot, and uh, you don't need to worry that you're not anymore.

Oh god, thank you so much. Even at six staty in the morning.

Oh yeah, he's in Melbourne, so it's very early. Oh rise and shine. Yeah, I'll be there.

I'm coming to Melbourne. I just announced my Australia dates.

I saw I'll be moving to the Netherlands though in June, so I'm going to miss you and I'm really freshed.

So you're moving in the Netherlands. Oh there you go. Well that'll be nice. Switch a Rooney too. There you go, Yes, all right, Jordan, keep us posted.

Thank you so much, Thank you, bye bye bye.

I mean, he is so good at mirroring. I think he and I are dating at the end of that call, so I think we have time for like one more question, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year old woman with a great career, great family and friends, and a kick ass dog. The one thing in my life I can't sort out are my romantic relationships. I've been married and divorced, no kids, and been in serial long term relationships for

They were like, I remember once one year, They're like, you're not allowed to bring friends or lovers on They all my friends. I'd always bring some gay guy home with me that would like ruin the get so wasted, or.

Do something suck all the air out of the room. I always come with one gay man. My dad refuses to even hear anything about my dating life, since he says he's sick of hearing about it. It should be noted that after his second divorce, I listened to and supported him through his many ill advised rebounds, But I digress. My mom, who I am extremely close to and love immensely, is normally inviting and eager to welcome any guest into her home, but she told me she does not want

I would say to this that you should respect your family's wishes on this one. The only way to change your family's mind about you is to start changing your behavior. And by changing your behavior means not bringing someone to the holiday, since that is your pattern. Just don't you already uninvented your boyfriend great or you know, the new guy, and just respect your family's wishes and then show them a change, like if in six months you guys are

And this is my first demonstration of that. Totally agree. I think the proof is in the pudding. And so hopefully next year when you guys are still together and you say like you show them like, hey, we've been together almost a year and bring them along. I think that's all you gotta do. This is a wait and see. But go have a great time for the holidays, and you know, you can talk about how great your boyfriend is, but save your parents the heartache if there is. Yeah,

And yeah, I have to get my birthday ready. Start time to start brainstorming my birthday video.

Yay, very excited.

Okay, thank you everybody, We'll be back. We love you. Have a happy holiday everybody.

Thank you so much for listening, and thanks for all the favorite podcast dms and mentions we got. And I love that we have so many fans everywhere. At all my shows on the road, everyone's always coming up talking about the podcast, So I really appreciate everyone listening all the time.

I'm glad we have a community. Yeah, it's fantastic, and you know. If you haven't left a review, go ahead.

And leave one, leave a review or write a call in you know. If you want advice, feel free please do We always need callers.

Chelsea. Do have some new dates for us? Oh you know, I do?

You know?

I do?

I have a lot of We added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming.

We added.

About fifteen new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary and Diana, Baltimore, Rona, New York and about seven dates in Canada. So go to Chelseahandler dot com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year through December, and then next year I'm going to be touring all year.

So come and get it, you guys.

It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law, and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com