Drunk Vegas Confessions with Chelsea + Catherine

Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.

I'm great, Thank you. I'm been in my worka Oh delightful.

I love it, Simon, It's wonderful.

I know.

Well, I have an update for us, Chelsea. This is from Ali. She called in on our Monica Lewinsky episode and she was about to have a birthday, but her father had died when she was very young and kind of like around her birth Yes, I remember it, yeah, reminded her. So Ali says, Hi, Chelsea, it's been a couple months since I came on to chat with you both and Monica about grieving my dad while celebrating my

Ali, that is so sad, that's so great. That part is great. That makes me cry thinking about children grieving. They're my parents. I can't even.

Watch an old season of Master Chef Junior, and one of the kids had lost his dad, and it was kind of amazing to see how he was dealing with it. You could tell he had processed it a lot because when he talked about it, there was just sort of like he seemed okay, you know, he seemed like he'd done the work. And even though he was like an eleven or twelve year old. You know, having a kid go through therapy and talk about this stuff can be really helpful when they lose somebody else.

And also to know how resilient the you know, human spirit is like, you don't know how resilient people are until you have to be resilient, right, So that's it's so hard to teach that to someone like you're going to survive almost anything that happens emotionally or you know, or any losses, like you're going to go on. It's a hard concept, especially when you're a child. Your world is even smaller right than it is as an adult.

So thank you Ali for updating us. And I'll make sure that this empower is in the show notes, so if anybody wants to check that out, there will be a link there.

So I missed Doug. I miss Doug so hard. It's just at home.

I know.

I didn't want to bring him to Spain because he's gonna be so fucking hot here, but now it's not that hot, and now I'm like, fuck, I can he take a flat without me? Just get his own private chat? I diaged that once with a dog. I s flew him privately without me. Oh no, which was really stupid. I don't do things like that anymore.

Doug will be amazing and you'll just have to reconnect with him and separate him from Mabel.

Yeah.

I know she went to a FaceTime with me.

Yes, here's your mother.

She's like, oh, sorry, we fell asleep. I'm like, I bet you did. I also believe she gives him CBD because he's so oh, he's so calm when I come back from being away. Yeah, and I know she's up to something, you know, because she doesn't want to deal with his lunacy. And I saw the CBD and I was like, who is that for? And she's like, oh, if we're doug sometimes I'll make sometimes or all the time like are you she's All of my dogs have been drugged. And this is just another example of how it happens.

You know what my aunt used to do with my nephew who's like very hyper, when she would take care of him, instead of like, you know, giving him a CBD or something, she would say, hey, let's have a cup of tea together at the beginning of their time together, and she would give him sleepy time tea and then he was like totally manageable.

Oh yeah, yeah, I.

Mean sleepy time tea and like an eleven year old boy, it's a matchmain heat.

Yeah.

Melatonin is good for kids too. My friends are always slipping their kids melatonin. I mean only the good parents, though I would make them snort melatonin if I had children.

Oh my gosh. Okay, well, should we get into questions jelse?

Yes, please, let's move it. Let's move it along, let's do it. Today's a solo episode. That means Catherine and I are here alone.

Yes, full of our own resources only.

Yeah, that means they could take more callers. Oh, by the way, tell our audience about the many episodes that we're doing. We're adding ten minute minisodes.

They'll come out every other week, and it's.

Gonna be different. It's gonna be counseling from me with a group of people or a couple like friends, sisters, people in a relationship. I'm going to counsel them and we're gonna break them into little ten minute episodes. So that's gonna be great. I can't fucking wait. It's gonna be So we're not gonna I mean, I want people

Yeah, these minisos are going to be perfect for like if you have that argument with your spouse or with your best friend that you like just need a tiebreaker on, like who is right here? Chelsea is the person who.

Can to help? Yeah, I love that shit, guys.

Yeah, so right in and I actually have on our next couple solo episodes. I have two couples calling in.

Oh I love finally fly. Oh my god, this is exactly what I've been wanting. I've manifested it exactly.

You know, what happens a lot of the time is a person will be like, I'm going to get my husband to come on and talk about this with me, and the person who wants to call into a podcast inevitably marries the type of person who would never do such a thing. So then they come back to me and they're like, just kidding, forget ever emailed you, forget my name, But today we have one and it's very, very exciting. Actually, should we take a little break.

Okay, let's take a break first.

This week, we're looking for a relationship advice. If you're having a problem in your relationship, want to know how to do better, or need Chelsea to weigh in on whether you're right about something. Right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Okay, we're back. We're back with Savannah. Savannah says Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty one year old woman living in the Midwest, and I've had the craziest

Today.

I'm currently on the job hunt and I'm having anxiety over how to address the year ish gap in my resume. I work in marketing and have grown to love it, mostly excluding the fifteen percent of the job that is crazy stressful but chock full of adrenaline. I know I'm good at my job and it's pretty much all I know professionally, so switching careers is out of the question. So as I begin to coordinate interviews, I'm wondering what the fuck to say in my interviews about the gap

Can't you just say you were traveling for a year, that you took a year sabbatical. There's no reason to tell them rehaby because people are fucking stupid. I would hire somebody because they went to rehab. I'd be like, oh great, completely, so I can.

Yeah, I think there's no reason to give them any reason to doubt you in the interview process. And like, like Chelsea said, a lot of people just like can't get it together, and.

Taking care of a loved one is a good one because that obviously makes you look good.

Exactly, and you can even specifically say you can say I was caring for someone who was ill, that someone was you. Let's straight up the truth. And also, you know, I don't think a gap on a resume matters quite as much as it used to.

Does it not as resume world? So I don't really know what is going on out there in the business world because I'm not a business woman. You are, you know, you're a I'm a different kind of businesswoman.

You have IMDb in that arrest.

I like the word two to four hours a week and that is it.

And we make it work. So I think they or less than they used to, especially like pre pandemic and stuff. But another good trick for this too is rather than saying like I worked here from like January twenty twenty one to like June twenty twenty three, just use years I was here from twenty twenty one to twenty twenty three. We're barely into twenty twenty four, so then you only have a you know, few months gap on your resume.

Yeah, I don't think. I think if you say caring for someone who was ill, you're not going to get one and more question about it.

Yeah, because they're really not supposed to be like so how's your mom doing with that? You know, whatever? Does theseanse?

Well, obviously, if you were caring for someone that was ill for that period of time, they're probably dead, So there's a dead end er conversation, exactly. Perfect.

Yeah, and then if you just change the subject right after that, I think approach it with confidence and boys and like move on after that, I think you'll be just fine. And also like congratulations and good work.

Yeah.

Yeah, we love rehabit. We love when it sticks. Right mm hmm.

It works if you work it works if you work it. I do not work it. I've been smoking a ton of marijuana lately, actually smoking he or have you been doing I've been smoking it because my doctor gave me these pills for my throat, so it doesn't bother me anymore. I know I'm on a bender right now with marijuana. I just need it, Like I'm like, oh, where's a joint? Okay, let's well, because of my kids, you know, I'm around the kids, so I can't be soberdoing.

That right right. Well, our next question comes from Emma. It's kind of a tricky one. She is thirty five. Emma says, your Chelsea, my fiance and I are getting married in September of this year. A couple of years ago, his mother had a stroke and started needing round the clock care, mostly provided by his eighty year old father, as we live three hours away. A few weeks after visiting to do our engagement photos, we received the most earth shattering call. My fiance's father had died by suicide

Oh? Wow, that was very moving your story.

Yeah, lots of stuff this year, a lot of things we're trying to kind of move through while also enjoying ourselves.

Right, can you tell me where you are, like with your wedding planning with all the you know, emptying out the house now.

Yeah, so we're pretty much everything is set. We're just kind of in those last few months of figuring out like little stuff. So everything is you know, moving ahead, is planned, and he unfortunately was going to be our efficient Bob's dad, so we ended up finding a new efficient and all of that. So we're in a good spot with all that, and honestly, Bob and I are

So are you and your fiance like communicating about how you're dealing with all of this stuff.

Yeah, we are.

I'm definitely more communicative and a lot more open about how I'm feeling day to day.

He I think to get through things.

I think he shuts down a little bit and isn't not that he needs to like lean into the feelings of everything that's going on, but I think that sometimes it's easier, especially with going to work, he just kind of shuts it down a little bit. So I just worry about him a lot that you know that this is a really big thing, an event that's happened in both of our lives, but definitely in his life, So I just worry, like where that will bubble up, right, you know, in the future.

Can you would he be open to talking to a therapist?

So he does, he does see somebody, not I think like I think he wants to see somebody more in the future, but he does talk to somebody yet.

Yeah, Like it sounds like what you guys really need to do in this moment. It's a period of time in your life that wasn't planned, so it's a little bit difficult and harry, but in this moment you need to double down on like talking and being communicative with each other, even when he doesn't want to be. You have to be like, listen, this is this We're going to go through this together. Like this, I'm having a really difficult time on certain days and certain days you're

Yeah?

Why not make that a celebration of him? You know, why does it have to be the anniversary of his death.

And I think that's one of my biggest fears too, is that because I would say my emotions are a little bit louder than his is. Make like, again, even though this is something that you know, we're going through together and I'm going through, I don't want to take away the fact that this is something that he's going through with his parent and his other parent. We're kind of on a knife's edge too with her care and

Let anything happen by then.

But also we don't know if she's even going to be in a state where she can come, so you know, it's hard to reconcile out of that.

Yeah, but those things are important to talk about. But you know what I mean, when you're you know for sure, all of that stuff is really important and it will bring you guys closer. And when I say you don't know what the other person is thinking, Like he could be resentful of his parents for pulling this shit at the most important moment in his time. He could be resentful of you for some some weird reason, Like that's why it's so important for him to talk, because you

Absolutely you know, we haven't really approach the topic of because I have anger towards his dad that like he doesn't. You know, I have so much empathy for that he was in this position and this was where he ultimately, you know, his path led him to so I you know, I loved this person, but I also still have a lot of anger about the situation, and he hasn't really gotten into that. Like he at least does not expressed that he has any anger that this happened.

So that's hard.

Like I think he's very very protective of his dad, and I understand that, but also it's like trying to make sure he knows that.

There's space to be angry about it, and that's okay.

Everything that is going to come up for him is going to come up for him over time with him actually having an outlet for his feelings. You can't direct his emotional you know what's happening, of course, but you can, but you can be there and be honest with each other about it, which is leveling up your relationship. Actually, it's going to bring you closer to get if you guys can get together on this and you having your

And I think Chelsea, you are right, like really strongly suggesting, like verging on demanding that he be seeing somebody at least once a week, even if it's not twice a week, so that he does get to the point where he is processing things like anger, things like you know, resentments and getting them out.

Yeah, And there's no like argument for not doubling down on therapy when your father committed suicide.

Honestly, it's financial. Financial is the argument, which sucks that that has to be an argument. But like I think that especially like with the wedding, like that is part of it. Too, which, like I would argue, like, obviously the investment is totally one hundred percent worth it. It's just finding where that monetary balances with having a new home, doing the wedding all that.

So and totally understand that. But that is where group therapy is going to come in. So Heed, you need to you find him a support group for I'm sure there's a specific one depending on the size of your city. Yes, no, for sure, and those are usually free or like somebody you bring donuts.

Yeah, no, those are much more affordable.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, So I mean doubling up having therapy when you can afford it and doing something that's a no cost thing as well, I think would be that the way to kind of get that and so we can start processing or continue processing.

Yeah, I agree.

I think for the wedding, what I would suggest to is people who come to your wedding are going to know that this is a part of your experience, and I think one of the best things you can do is allow people a moment to experience that to really like hang a lantern on it. Either you know, your efficient can mention something about those who can't be here

I think it is something that we probably will incorporate, which will be nice.

It'll be nice to have that.

And then during the ceremony too, I've seen people will have like a chair reserves, like one for your mom and one for his dad too.

So yeah, and I asked him about that and he was kind of I think it's funny, like he just doesn't. I think that that almost like made him sadder to think about doing something like that. So it's finding like, Okay, what feels like honoring and nice without necessarily making you more upset.

But you're gonna be thinking about it, like obviously.

On the day exactly and that's one of those things about grief is you know, we've talked about this so many times, it's like the more you push it away sort of like the larger it looms. And Chelsea, you've brought this up several times recently to where grief isn't something that you're constantly going through, right, but it is always sort of under the surface, and so it's like it comes up and bubbles up at the weirdest times. Then the thing is like, it's your wedding. People are

You know, It's okay, yeah, exactly. And the good thing is once you let yourself cry, then you're good. You know, fighting crying is harder than the crying itself.

Yes, yes, yes, yeah.

And it doesn't look cute either when when.

You're trying it almost worse.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, definitely.

I think I just I think with like going through losing my mom, even though it was obviously in a very different way she was ill, she had cancer, I think like once we entered this phase of things that was like, oh, maybe I'll be like equipped to help somebody through their grief.

No, not now, not now, Yes, and it's suicide just is a different experience.

It is, it is, but it's also like listen, I know it's hard to say to celebrate that, to celebrate a life that ended in suicide, but I would still say, yes, celebrate the life. If they were in pain and they had to remove themselves from this earth, then they are in a better place and they didn't want to be here, and celebrate the life that they did have and the happiest moments that they know that you shared with them.

Absolutely, and we did have like a really great relationship with him, so like I'm very grateful for that as well.

Yeah. Yeah, well I think you should talk to your husband more, you know, fiance, Sorry what you're saying to us, like be open with him like this. I'm sure you are, but really like get the communication flowing because it's really good to get it out and you want him to get it out too.

Yeah.

No, I agree for sure, even if he's not as forthcoming as you are, like be there with him and be there just.

Yeah, I think it's finding the balance too, between making sure he knows like where I'm at, but like not feeling like I don't want.

To overwhelm him with write your grief emotion through it.

And it's like if he's having a good day, you know, not wanting to necessarily feel like, oh he on top of his feelings have to like not that, like I worry about him having to deal with my feelings. We do have like a good partnership with that, but not wanting to necessarily like add my grief to his grief, even though they obviously are intertwined.

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry just about being honest and stuff.

Yeah, sometimes guys need a push, you know.

Yeah, they really do.

So you know you're not going to demand, but like I would really tell him this is what I need from you.

Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah, I think so too. Well. I appreciate it very much. Thank you, thank you.

Okay, yes, we'll be thinking about you.

Oh, thank you so much.

Shoot us an email after the wedding. Okay, I will.

I will thank you so much.

Bye, but bye. What a sweetie. Oh yeah, I'm jealous of people who can look just very beautiful when they're in tears, but she's one of them. One thing I

Sudden death.

Sudden death. Yeah, I mean I know someone who was like, yeah, my fifty year old sister was the caregiver for mom while she dealt with dementia and just like died of a major heart attack one day, you know, And that's really really common.

I just you said fifty year old woman. I'm like, oh, that's so much older, and then I realize I'm forty nine.

I mean, I just turned thirty nine, and I'm like, it's it's just it just goes fast.

It goes faster and faster the older you get yes, yes.

But so if you are caregiving, get some respite care. There's lots of resources for this. But like take advantage when someone says how can I help? Say here's how, and give yourself some time off. Yeah, And of course, if you or someone you know is dealing with depression or suicide, please reach out. Help is available at nine to eight eight. That's the number for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline nine eight eight. Let's talk to Tanya, shall we. Tanya has sort of a tricky interpersonal thing with a

Yes, I found out was married.

Yes, she did not know beforehand, but found out during that time. I was not only heartbroken from his deception and that my friend would deceive me, but and that she put me in that position. So I never said anything, but I stopped talking to them both for two years fast forward, and we've all moved on and reconnected as friends. He is now married to someone else and they have a child, but it's still uncomfortable for me when we

Well, if he's kissing you, wait, why I don't.

Like this must be a kiss on the cheek.

So we'll clarify who comes and kisses someone on the chee?

Right, that's like sort of an old school moved and yeah, I have no desire for a relationship.

If he's doing that and loitering, when, of course that goes together lingering, wingering, Yeah, lingering. If he's kissing you on the cheek, he's definitely lingering.

Also, like he's standing right outside.

She's surprised by that, but not the first part.

So she says, I have no desire for to have a relationship with him, but he still lights me up, so to speak. The sex was amazing, after all, So the complication comes now. Last December, I was with all of the women in their family on a trip, and one of them brought up my previous affair with their brother, but made it sound as if it was a one

I'm good?

How are you good? It got some drama happening.

Okay, so that happened in Vegas where you started crying, defending yourself and explaining to them that it was like an actual affair. Right, What happened after that? What length of time did you get uninvited?

Or it was months later and nothing was ever really said, and then all of a sudden, it was like a thing out of the blue, which I was so surprised by because I thought, Okay, I thought we were close enough where if it was an issue, somebody would have said something right away or maybe the next day even or yeah, nothing was ever said and it was months later. So it just feels like to me, it feels like it's something else or I don't know, it just seems so odd.

No, I could see it being about that. Yeah, yeah, because if you like finding out if they thought it was a one night stand and they're finding out that it was a long term affair while he was married.

He's not married to her anymore.

No, So yeah, I think you should just address it head on obviously and say, guys, listen, I understand that night in Vegas that I told you stuff, but like that was a long time time ago, and I have no intention of ever sharing anything like that with his current wife. The problem is is that you do still have this like sexual chemistry, and that's a problem for you because people can sense that.

Yeah, no, totally, I think that. I mean, obviously, I try to stay away as much as possible and give respect the relationship, and I definitely don't want anything to do with that relationship negority Shire.

But when you say he's coming and kissing you on the cheek.

Oh yeah, is it cheek kiss when he tries to sneak a kiss or is it?

Yeah?

I mean, but it's like and then there's like the hugs maybe a little bit too long, and you know, there's been a couple of situations where he'll ask, like to walk me to my car, like let me owe your car, and it's just like it's just not appropriate.

He's trying to find me times to be alone with you.

Yeah, and to me, it's like I don't necessarily think he's looking for an out or anything, but it's just like, you know how when you're married for long times. I've been married, and it's like, you know, it's like that secret thing is always kind of exciting and and I've been a secret before and it's like it's so.

Disrespect but yeah, it is disrespectful to you. And you do need to like set a boundary so that he doesn't even think he can walk you through the car. You can't like allow him to be coming in and steal it. What do you mean by kissing you, like kissing you on the cheek? Yeah, yeah, gross? Gross? Though, why is he doing that? That's not okay? Like right, so,

But isn't the problem with him?

Why is it me? It's not there's two people, you're no, it is your it's your responsibility to to set a boundary because then he has a parameter if you if you don't say anything, then he just thinks he can keep trying until you give in if you say stop, I'm not interested, please stop, Like be firm. You have to be firm with him. Unfortunately, as women, that's how we have to be with men like that.

Yeah, yeah, like he's totally a fault too, but like, yeah, but you're not completely helpless.

You have agency. You can stand up for yourself and say no, don't kiss me like that, it's gross. I find that gross. That'll stop him.

I don't think he necessarily need to hug him at all, Like give him an off for high five. Next day he tries to come in for a hug.

Yeah, and you know, but with regard to you're not seeing him at all right now, right, No.

We don't talk. It's not even like there's any type of communication. And really it's like random once in a wild type thing. So it's not like he's making an effort to see me. I don't feel like.

That's his goal at all. And how many like are you really you're upset about missing out on all these like family things.

Not at all.

No, I feel like it's putting my friend, my girlfriend in an odd position with her family. And then also we do have like where we normally a couple times a year we all hang out until like, so, now what she's just not supposed to.

I think you can just send them an email and be like, guys, whoever this needs to be addressed to, can we please get over this? Like, I'm not telling his wife. I have no intention. I what's your situation right now? Are you married?

No?

I'm single, but you're single, okay. I have no intention of pursuing anything with your brother. That would That was a very long time ago, and that was a very drunk night in Vegas. You know, what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas, right.

I almost just like with an asterisk, I almost wonder if it shouldn't be something that gets put into writing, just like in case the wife picks up a phone of someone or someone shows her. I almost wonder if it's like a phone like a series of phone calls, or like, hey, gals, can we all please get lunch? And you like address it. I'm a little scared about putting into writing.

Do you feel comfortable calling them all and just saying can we get lunch?

Yeah? I mean I can. I feel like well I did initially reach out since this conversation. I did text my sitch to them all and just say, I feel like, maybe there's something you guys are upset about, or if I've done something, I would love to have an opportunity to make this right. And they didn't respond, so I was like, okay, but my girlfriend is the one who called me. She's like, yeah, it's about the whole thing with that half a long time ago, and they're afraid

She's but that's like their thought or whatever, And how well do you know those women because those are her those are her relatives right right.

I'm gonna be I've done them for years. It's been a long time now, for a long long time.

Maybe just have to let the dust settle and like when it comes time to see them again, maybe your best friend can be your biggest advocate and you know, kind of smooth things over with the other girls.

The when did this happen?

Maybe like six months ago now, I don't know.

It sounds like a while. I don't know either. I'm like, fuck, I don't know. This is a hard one. I would say, fucking who gives a shit? Like just don't out with them.

But that's kind of where I'm leaning, Like, Okay, I feel.

Like when you have that attitude, people kind of get in vibe with Like, if that's your vibe and you're not thirsty to try to get back into that scene, it usually comes to you more easily, you know what I mean, Like the invite will return. So I would just say I amend when I retract what I said earlier. Don't do anything. Just let the dust settle and be your cool self and and and know that you're gonna

I like that better.

Yeah, it's like I don't I wantn't want anyone kissing me that's not kissing me on the mouth.

I have been thinking about that recently, and like cheek kisses cowing of the movies all the time, like stupid in real life, as if you would ever say goodbye to your boyfriend by kissing him on the cheek, like the time that I have done is right. I'm like, I feel so weird, like kissing him.

On the cheek, and it's also a weird introduction to a person like, yeah, that used to be the thing you hug, Like now, why am I kissing stranger? Anyway? Anyway, good luck with your situation.

Let us know if people come around.

This is a tricky one. Yeah, let us know when they come around that that would be an interesting timeline for me to know about that. Yes, all right, we can help other callers with that.

Thank you so much.

Okay, bye, thanks time. Okay, so we're gonna take a break and come back.

Yeah, perfect, and we're back. We have Jane and Johnny calling in. Oh we have a couple.

Oh a couple. Oh hi, okay, great, let's go.

Jane and Johnny have a question. This comes from Jane. She originally wrote in and Johnny is joining, so she says to you're Chelsea, I heard you wanted to have a couple on and my husband and I have two issues. First, I've just entered my fifties and I suddenly feel invisible within the family. I sometimes feel I'm being excluded. Even the dogs like my husband better than me. In particular, I have an eighteen year old stepdaughter who has lately been kind of an ass, and she's coming home from

Hi, Hi, Hello, Hi, look at you two cuties. I love this.

So when I talk to you last, Johnny, you were actually picking up your daughter from school, right, Yes, it was.

How's that going?

I think pretty well?

And Jane, it's fine, you know, like on the surface, it's fine after about ten months. And I'm not a numbers person, so when I start recognizing patterns, there's like.

A big one.

I don't her.

That's how I'm feeling.

Yeah, that doesn't feel good. What's her situation? With her birth mother.

Oh, it's good.

Yeah, they have a good relationship. Correct And okay, what Johnny what they have some challenges. They have some challenges too. So what's your view of the situation, Johnny, what do you think is happening?

Well, I feel like put it in the middle, and I'm very i think my daughter's doing very well and I'm very proud of her. But I know that, you know, she can be a shit. She didn't send a thank you note for the birthday gift, which was rude, and she didn't introduce her when we went to visit her at college to her friends, which was very awkward for me and I, you know, and I felt really bad.

And did you step in and introduce your wife?

When that happened, before I had a chance, Jane jumped in.

She goes, hey, everyone, this is my dad, and then everyone said hey, what's up? And then everyone was kind of looking over me and I said I'm her stepmom. It was very awkward. And then later Johnny said, you know, that was kind of weird. Why wouldn't you And she's like, I don't know, like whatever, And it's sort of how it read to me was that it was more of a reactive statement about how she feels rather than a mismanners moment that didn't come to the surface.

Yeah, it sounds like to me, Johnny, that you need to have a conversation with your daughter just about general courteousness and respect, Like this is your wife, and I know you might be dealing with a difficult personality, but these are skills that she's going to need for the rest of her life. So you're a conversation with her is going to yield more benefits than it will initially, I'm sure, But down the road she will remember a

I did have a conversation about that particular incident, and how did that go? It went well, she felt really bad, she remembered it, and then I said, well, can you let Jane know? And she's like, yes, I'm definitely going to.

But and then did she address it with you?

I'm assuming not.

Yeah, right, that's good that you did that. Thank you for being a stand up, responsible man. Father.

Yes, Well, I don't want my daughter to be a jerk.

No, of course not.

Yeah, no, And Jane, I think there is a little bit of a deeper issue, so obviously lingering resentment, since like I know, the gift was like at the beginning when she went to school, and she's just back from school and you're still feeling kind of nasty about it. So I wonder if there's a way to kind of get some positive vibes going there, just to be like, I'm going to be a bigger person. I'm going to invite her on a little date, will go out well, you know whatever is sort of like a really fun

Reality of you guys doing something together, Jane, you and your stepdaughter, Oh okay, and that's great.

And I agree that I have to rise up for this and not be like and your little dog too, you know what I'm I can't go down.

But I don't think that means ignore it. You know. I think, you know, since you're still feeling yucky, I think you probably should address it, but not like Hi, you're back from school. Let's deal with this yucky thing. Get some good stuff going, get some good juices flowing there.

And I also think maybe just let go of the thank you for the gift for this round. I think it's more important that she's introducing you to people than writing you a thank you note.

Wait, wait, I need to clarify though, what that was. It wasn't a birthday present. It was I got her a tackle box for going to college and filled every slot with special things for being in her dorm for the first semester in a really really well crafted, thoughtful,

Emoji with you. You have to let go of that.

Okay.

She is eighteen years old and she is in college and she is not thinking about writing thank you cards to her stepmother. Okay, she is about to embark on like the greatest adventure of her life and she is So you have to let go of that. Girls between fifteen and like twenty fuck their manners like they don't have them. You know, they're all self consumed and self absorbed in everything that's happening to them. So let go of the thank you note. Please just let go of it.

That is a very good point. I realize I have not been doing that enough.

There you go.

I love that. Like, if you get to the point of being affectionate and your kids are like ew, that's when you know when you're doing okay, you're doing it perfect.

You want to make sure she knows how much you like your wife, never mind love, but like and respect and how much you like and respect each other.

Yeah, that's awesome advice.

Yeah, don't try and have sex or anything in front of her. That's not what we're talking about. Guys. All right, Johnny, I can tell by your background what you're thinking about right now. That took a turn. Well, this was fucking awesome, you guys. I love the couple. Y, this was great. Thank you Johnny for doing so open minded and coming on the podcast in the first place. Good for you. You're a real man. Way to go.

Yeah, you two are really cute, So thanks for joining us.

Bye, bye bye.

Good luck.

That was fun. Yeah, great, great, Caul. I love that couple.

Yeah, let's bring it on.

Okay, Well that was a great episode. I love the way that ended. And if you if you're a couple out there, do not forget to convince your husband to come on. See how gentle I was with him.

She were so nice.

Yes, it's easy, it's pleasant and it's fun. Or if you're having problems with your friends. I like that too.

Yes, friendship ones actually friendships, friendship couple soon too. Sisters is good.

Yeah, sisters is good.

This is just really good.

All right. Everybody get your tickets at Chelsea Handler dot com if you're coming to see me on the road, and other than that, I'll see you next week. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to places that have sold out the first and then I'm going to be in Hawaii on Maui,

Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com