Big Italian Sausage with Bianca Del Rio

She's flirty, like she comes in like care you up, let's hang, and it's really cute, and she doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that Bert isn't there at all. Oh, and that happened also when my older dog Tammy died and Chunk was left, he got a pep in his step as soon as she was out of the way. That is an interesting dynamic, like maybe they were just waiting for the other one. Today they clearly don't have the affinity for the other dogs is the way that we want to believe that they do.

You want to believe your children love each other, but the reality is they don't. So we had a dog who was a Great Pyrenees, and there were these huge dogs. They're all white, and this dog sort of had the personality of a cat, very like I'll come to you sort of energy. And when our older dog died, she who she had basically been raised by, she turned orange and she got super depressed. She did also get more like snuggly, wanted to be with you, wanted to hang out.

She definitely became more of a people person. About two dogs now they're in love, right, Well, that's actually an interesting conversation because apparently we didn't know that you're not technically supposed to get sibling puppies, and so there was a little bit of an adjustment period where they were

like fighting all the time. And I know, honestly, like I was so upset about it because they were fighting like in this way, these tiny puppies and just like fighting this way that was like really aggressive, nobody's drawn blood. But I was like, I don't know what we're gonna do, Brad. We might have to re home Lottie because she's like

going after Wendell. And then I found this perfect solution, which was basically training them out of it by using a squirt bottle, and I did not think it would work, and it fully works. It just snaps them out of an argument and then we do a little training. Calm is their new command after they like break up a fight and they have to come and sit calmly. So now they're starting to like when I stay calm, They're

just coming over and like breaking it up. So I'm so relieved, honestly, and it's getting a lottery something that I would not be equipped to deal. No, oh my gosh. I had no thought in my mind that it could be a bad thing, and so careful out there. If you're trying to get a puppy, don't get to you know what. I just okay, Well, if you don't want a puppy, you can buy a hyperbaric chamber. I just got one of those installed into my house because I came back from skiing and my knees are just so

messed up. So I got one, and then I was like, okay, and I'm going to get one of my lasers done. I'm going to get a CEO two laser on my face and neck. And so I'm cited about this because they're not as strong as ones you get for your house as the ones where you go to like a clinic. I get it done, but you could sleep in it if you want. Really, yeah, would you do that? I doubt it. But I can go in there and read for two hours a day, you know what I mean? Right,

that's easy, Like I can last night. I did one hour tonight, I'm gonna do two. You have to be cumulative about Yeah, you can't just like start with four hours or well no, I mean like you have to be consistent and do it. Like if you do it once in a while, it doesn't work, I don't think, does it? Deep puff, Like, what's the what's like you're getting one hundred and fifty I'm at one atmospheric pressure, which you know, me and my space degree. Who the

fuck knows what that means. But you're at like one hundred and fifty percent oxygen, whereas we're at fifty percent right now, Like we're getting fifty percent of oxygen. I don't know what else we're getting rogen Maybe I don't know another thing. I don't know carbon dioxide. I'm not sure what's happening. Carbon monoxide probably a little bit of that too. So yeah, it's supposed to be really good for injuries, inflammation, reducing swelling, you know, all that stuff.

So the house we bought has a pool and we have not yet put a heater in it. I'm like, should I just become one of those people who does cold plunges? I don't know. I don't know if I'm brave enough for that, but I'm tempted. Have you ever done one? I have. I just got one of those things too, a cold plunge pool. Yeah. I haven't used it yet though, I'm saving that for the new house when it's ready. Yeah, I don't think I need both of those things. I think I like cold, actually, but

I don't like it that cold. That's a little but that's got to be really good for you. And that's only three minutes. Like a hyperbaric chamber, you have to be in for an hour, you know, two hours a day. Like that's a little to more time consuming, but a good excuse to read and not be on my phone. Take some time in the hyperbaric chamber. Chelsea, I'm so excited for our guest today. It's Bianca. Do you want

to tell us a little bit about her? Okay. Bianca del Rio is the host of the pit Stop, which is the official review show of RuPaul's Drag Race, and her alter ego is Roy Heylock, and that's who's here today. Hello Roy, Hello high sweet cheeks. How are you? We're happy to see you. Since drag It's such a hot topic these last few months, drag shows are being banned. Was it the state of Mississippi or Tennessee? Tennessee, Okay, which is very confusing because what's Nashville going to do? Well? Also,

like what's Dolly Parton gonna do? I mean, let's be real here, drag It's a serious thing. Tennessee's all fucked up that they're not as bad as Florida though, but it is pretty insane that this is happening. Have they been banned in Florida to drag shows? No, not yet, but it's on their way. You know. DeSantis is losing his mind over there, so he's just been creeping out on other topics, basically about the trans youth and dealing with trans people in general, because apparently the orders that

they're making are just kind of vague. It's like blanket situations where it's leading things to where they could kind of decide what they think is right or wrong in

the moment. Yeah, yeah, which is kind of fucked. Yeah, he's taking a lot of latitude because he's going after everything that's going to make him like a political hero, right, like taking the power away from Disney World, which doesn't sound actually that bad when you read about it, because you're like, wait, why is Disney World have their own municipality?

Like what is that? But whatever? Forget about that when we're talking about critical race theory, when we're talking about LGBTQ and in books, and then now they're you know, I was funny. I posted something the other day about banning books in Florida and how you know, Floridians really need to get their shit together, blah blah blah, and I got all these responses from people who's saying, well, I mean there's pornographic material in these books, and I'm like, no, no, no,

that's not what we're talking about. Solely. We're not talking about porn. We're talking about exposure to LGBTQ people, and we're talking about critical race theory, like porn is the least of it. And I mean, there's a lot of porn in the Bible. Let's be real these people that clutch up to the Bible. I'm so done with the religious aspect of it or the people that say my moral compasses and is about this, and I live by the Bible. You know what, Go clean the Catholic Church.

Go fix that motherfucker's because this is your people, this is your deal. You know, there's gaze in the church walking around with a purse that's on fire, up and down the aisle, wearing robes, telling stories. It's no different than Children's Story Hour. But why don't you fix that raping children? I mean, hello, why don't you give me one priest and one person who dresses in drag and see what their record is of assaulting little children? Yeah,

I agree, I completely agree. It's just absolutely insane. It's also this thing now where I think that they have to find a way to, as you said, to become the hero. So they're just picking on any group they can possibly do this with, and it's just insane that this is the topic now. It's like, look, I'm a person who does drag obviously, and I don't believe in children coming to my show. My show is always eighteen

twenty one up. That's my thing. So I'm not one of the children's story our people, but I never neither am. I yeah, agreed, but it's that thing where I'm like, you know, this is not my thing. But I do understand that if a parent feels that, hey, this is what I want to do, bring my child or expose them too, that they should have the right to do it. You know, it shouldn't be up to quote unquote legislation or some guy with small dick energy. It all just

is so counterintuitive to the Republican Party's platform. You know, not to get too political here, but like you know, Republicans are historically known for getting decisions out of government. They hate big government, they hate it when it's talking about taking people's rights away, and they're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we want to handle this. So it's just so hypocritical,

all of it. I mean, obviously, the Republican Party has lost their way a long time ago, so we can't be expecting too much from them, especially with people like Ronda Santas. It was funny I listened to this thing on Ronda Santas yesterday, like the Genesis of Santas, and I forgot remember you guys, when that commercial came out before Trump was elected because everyone had to like cozy up to Trump because he was looking like the possible candidate.

But it was like in twenty eighteen, I think when De Santis ran for Congress originally and he had to put an ad together and his wife was like, he plays with our kids and what they were playing was building a wall, and then he's like, look, my kids know how to But I remember spoofing that when I was doing a TV show at the time, because we were like, who's this idiot? And I was like, oh, fuck, that was Ron to Santa this We're in for it because this guy is still around and that was only

like what five years ago, isn't it crazy? Yes, that was him. Yep. Now he's just bootlicking. But now he's on his own little platform here. And that's the scary part about it. It's just to think that, I mean, Florida is its own little world at this point, you know, and you sit back thinking, how is this fucking happening? How is this happening in real time? How is this? How is this our world? I don't get it? Yeah, uh, anyway, let's move on back to you instead of me just

going off about everybody. You know what I mean. I've decided twenty twenty three is the year of conflict and confrontation. That makes total fucking sense. And listen. Also, I just wanted to say happy belated birthday. I see you just had a birthday and you were out on the slopes. I was pissing myself that. You know what, I gotta tell you, it's pretty enjoyable, Like isn't it's it's exhilarating,

Like you're not cold because you have so much adrenaline. Like, first of all, we're trying to be discreet because we're trying not to have too many people seeing me because they'll they'll fill me and then it's blown. Or we're

trying to hide from ski patrol. But this year, ski patrol saw us and then came back and picked us up and dragged us out of there because we're like, we need another half hour and they're like, all right, well this is going to close and we would have to really like walk out, and so the guy came back and tugged us out, which was really cute. So that was great. So now they've given up. And that's

how I feel about pushing against authority. If you push hard enough, eventually the doors just open and the flooding starts. And then they're just like, fuck it, it's happening, and it's gonna happen. It's just sheer exhaustion. They just don't want to bother anymore. They're like a half fuck it, let's just roll with it. Yeah. Like the first year I made a ski video, this ski patrol found me or they were looking for me actively, but they didn't know I had already shot it two days earlier. They

thought I was doing it in real time. I'm like, no, that wasn't two days ago. Yeah, And then the next year I got a warning from the mountain that I'm not allowed to I'm not allowed to drink and smoke pot on the mountain. And then the next year I skied off the mountain. We did backcountry because I don't want to deal with those fucking people. And then this year they're just like, you know what, there they don't they have, they have no fight left in them. Do

your thing. So that's how we always have to push up everyone who's listening. You have to keep going. You have to break the door down, you know, especially when it's in the name of just joyousness and celebration and fun and you're not hurting anybody, right, So and art and arts. Don't forget art, yes, oh yeah, please don't forget what an artist I am. So let's talk about I think actually a good lesson started to make you a teacher for a little bit. So I don't. Let's

talk about she and her and pronouns. And I think it's always good to kind of refresh people who are confused still about what everything means. When you're in drag, you prefer to be referred to as a sheet or correct, you know what, I accept anything. I accept cunt and face. I mean, I'm I'm pretty cool with it because I'm of a certain age. I too accept cunt face. It's true.

It's true. I'm of a certain age where it's like, you know, I didn't think about those things, and I guess being a drag queen for so many years, I just answer to any of it. So me, I'm just whatever. As long as you get the right name on the check. I don't give a I'm old enough to even say the check, because who gets a check anymore? But it's that thing where for me it doesn't bother me at all,

So I mean I can be called anything. Okay, Well that's great to know for me, for you, and then when you're not a drag, you're you identify as a man, correct, Yeah, well on that one, it depends on who we talk too. I'm a little light in my loafers, but yeah, I would assume yes, yes, that works for me. And are

you in a relationship? Oh currently, Yeah, shockingly. And I say that very begrudgingly and carefully, because you know, when you get to a certain age, Chelsea, you start thinking you don't want to mention the fuck boys, because we've all been there and we've all been like, oh, this

is the one, this is it. I'm not one of those people that proclaim it on Facebook but or Instagram or any of that madness, but you know, every now and then they catch a picture of you and then people think, yeah, this is it, and then you end up sucking yourself. You know, you end up getting screwed over, and then you have to explain to the world in some form of fashion, Hey this didn't work out. So I've been low key with this one for about a year, so it's been hard to keep a secret. You know,

gaze can't keep a secret. But you've been no and a year and getting like gay life is a really long time. That's like seven years, right, yeah, not lesbian. The lesbians about twelve years, but this is about seven years in the gay world. Yes, but well I feel like lesbians have they stay together longer? No? Yeah, because they're lazy. Yeah, it makes sense. You know, it's all about Listen, I would be a lesbian because it's all about comfort. Look at the costumes, look at the outfit,

look at the choices of hair. Look at a cat. A cat can take care of themselves. Mother, think about it though, It's like it's literally all about comfort. So I would totally be a lesbian. A cat can take care of themselves. It's a different world for a lesbian. I mean they've got it figured out. And is this your first serious relationship or no? Oh hell no, I've had I've had a couple. I mean I'm gonna I'm forty seven, so I've been around the block and I've

had the good ones and the bad ones. But you know, it's you get to that point where you're like, all right, let's see if this is working, and slowly this has been working shockingly And what do you think makes it work for you? Well, giving up, giving up, Chelsea, that's it, just given up, like you said. No, it's more or less. It just kind of being with an adult. Does that make sense. I don't even know if it's about age, but it's more about just being an adult. He's got

his own ship. He didn't give a fuck what I do. He doesn't care about drag. He's not interested in it, which is a lovely thing, you know, didn't even ask questions about it, which makes it so much more entertaining, you know, because I can go do my thing, he can go do his, and then we meet in the middle. And how much of your life does drag take up? Far too much? I mean, it's your profession, really right, Yeah, yeah, but you know it's kind of like you got to

create your own world. So for me, it's usually when I'm out on the road. I just finished a tour where I was out for at thirteen months and so we did a one hundred and twenty nine shows in twenty seven countries and ninety nine cities. So that's the schedule, you know, And that's not just going out, but it's like going out with drag. You know, you got your meet and greets before the show, you got to get in the drag, you got to pack the drag, you

got to go to the other countries and stuff. So it's a lot there, and it's not so much like, oh, my life is difficult. It just means, you know, when you're in the monkey suit, you're ready to entertain. When you're out of the monkey suit, you're like, get the funk away from me. I need to sleep, I need a drink, I need to be you know, I don't want to be bothered. So I guess that's the packaging for it. You know, you start to realize it's a

lot physically and mentally. Then you go, how fucking lucky to get to travel the world and do what I do. You know, yeah, it expends I'm sure it expends a lot of energy. There must be days where you just do not feel like getting it up right, like getting your outfit together and doing the whole hair and makeup right. I mean, I know as a woman that I don't want to do that. I'm most stayed. No, no, it's true, and it is kind of exhausted. But then in the

end you realize. You know, if I don't wear the wig of the makeup, I gotta have the packaging to make it theatrical. How long does it take you to get in drag? I'm curious. I could get ready at about an hour, you know if I have Oh okay, if I yeah, I'm not one of those. If you've seen me, I don't blend. So it's not like I'm sitting back doing this whole you know, luxurious moment thing. It's not that fancy for me. But literally, if everything is in a room, I could do it within an hour.

And what about the culture of your profession. I would assume it could be pretty catty, but that's just okay, okay, but I mean the cattiness of it though, that's Those are the people that are friends. You know. Everybody that's a count is my friend. You know, we got a part of it right, giving each other shit in an exaggerated way because you're on top of it. You are drag queens who kind of do that for a living

without a doubt, and I think I have. I'm always suspicious of drag queens that don't drink and they don't have a fucking sense of humor, I go, how can you not have any of those? And so for me, you know, when I started out, I was working in gay bars, and you would do gay bars or cabaret spaces. That's the only place you could find a drag queen. But now you walk outside, they're fucking hanging from the trees everywhere you go. It's some stupid bitch with a

wig on saying drag saved my life. No, no, that's not how I look at it. For me, it's a job, it's what I do, and it's not necessarily my identity. But when I'm in it, let's go have fucking fun, you know, let's let's make the best of it, take the piss out of each other. Basically, yeah, that's fun. Where are you based out of currently, I'm in Palm Springs because it was cheaper than having plastic surgery. You know, you just come out here where the old people are,

and immediately you look better. So I've been out here now for about since a pandemic for about three years. Oh really, I was going to guess that you were in Miami just by your decor behind you. Oh no, no, no, no, it's Palm Springs. Everything's white, even my neighbors, because I am the brownest thing in this neighborhood that doesn't have a lawn more. But that's a whole other story. Okay, Well, Catherine, Yes, we're gonna take calls for people. You're gonna expend great advice,

as I can suspect you're very good at giving. Sure, and we're gonna help people along with their problems. Today. We're gonna help people with problems, and we curate. We curate the episodes to our guests. Yes, so we have questions that I think you'll be able to relate to. Yes, Katherine thinks. Yeah. Catherine produces all our episodes. Every time I come here. It's a surprise, exactly. Well, I'm gonna make us take a quick break and then we'll be

right back with Bianca and Chelsea. Okay, and we're back. We're back. We're back. Brad or engineer. Quick question? Is Rob on the line or no? No Rob? Just Danny and Brian? Are you I'm sorry? Brad? Are you listening to Whitney Houston feeling it? Watching an Instagram video? Brad's favorite song is I want to dance with somebody like No, Lie, that's crazy? He doesn't dance Catherine, you know Selen Dion. That's not accurate. So Selene Dion is where it's at. Actually,

she's pretty fucking funny. I didn't realize Selene Dion was funny. Yeah, drag Queen introduced me to her. We'll not introduce me, but verified. He's like, Chelsea, you have got to watch her. She fucks around and she's really funny. And I was like, oh, I didn't know. Yes, then that awkward in that awkward way which makes it so fucking fun Yeah, and in an awkward French Canadian way. Yeah that too. All right, Well, so Brad, sorry, we don't have him on correct No, okay,

and my heart will go okay, wonderful. I think this question is great for both of you. So Rob is running in from Toronto, he says, Dear Chelsea. After an emotionally exhausting relationship with someone who I thought was going to be my person, I ended things after coming to the conclusion that he was manipulating me and playing games

due to what I believe were narcissistic tendencies. This scenario forced me to call him out on his behavior and block him so he would stop reaching out to try and convince me that he had changed and that we should get back together. Luckily, I've moved forward and been able to get back on the mend. But here's the issue. He and I fell in love over a common interest. We both want to pursue a career in comedy and writing. Now, him being further along in his career means he's become

a part of that world in our city. Meanwhile, the loan me is just getting started. It means that I'll have to see him, interact with him, and deal with him again. After coming to the incredibly hard conclusion that the best thing for me would be to never have to see him again, I don't have any intention to sacrifice my career ambitions. But I'm also unsure how to face all that anxiety, depression, and emotional trauma all over again.

How do I honor the part of me that wants to make this a reality well also honoring the part of me that has urged me to stay away. Rob, I'll go first, Okay, Roy, got it, and you can follow up. First of all, huge opportunity for growth right here. Huge growth opportunity, as they would say in any book, whenever you have to be faced with something you're already saying that you're going to pursue your career. He's going to be in the same career. There's nothing you could

do about it. All you can control is the way that you react to the situation and handle the situation. And you have a huge opportunity to handle it with dignity and with grace and with self respect and respect for him too. It didn't work out, that doesn't mean anything. You don't have to harbor ill will for that person. In fact, you should want that person to be able to find what they're looking for, regardless of whether they're a narcissist or how they treated you or the dynamic

of your relationship. You should want the best for him. And if you keep saying that to yourself, eventually you'll start to believe that you want the best for him. Sometimes you kind of have to trick yourself into thinking that.

But this is a great, great life lesson. I mean, I'm excited for you because I go into this and be like, I am going to crush this, you know what I mean, I'm gonna get an A plus in this class of like being a higher person and leading the way you are going to be an example to show him and the people around you how to behave after a breakup. Rob, I say, move package shit, move listen. Gay's are the fucking worst. They will haunt you, they will drive you crazy. Get the fuck out of town. No,

the thing is, you know, this is the thing. Maybe Chelsea's right be the bigger person, which can be very difficult when you're dealing with gay people because they don't sit well with it. The fact that you both were in the same profession, that alone is a fucking nightmare. I can't I would never would you date another comedian? Oh? I guess I shouldn't ask Chelsea, But I mean in general for me, I couldn't imagine dating another drag queen. I think that would be quite problematic, you know, so

I don't know if I could do it. So you're a better person for even giving that fucker an opportunity. But just just have a drink and remember that you know one day he's going to die, and that should make you feel better and that should help you get through this. Yeah, that's how I look at it. There's two sides of the coin, and that advice right there. Well, our next question comes from Danny. Danny says, Dear Chelsea, my friend who all call Matt and I have been

close friends since college. For the last twenty years, he's been a faithful, loyal friend who I've shared good times and bad times with. He's funny, he's loyal, he's sassy. We both came out and around the same time in life. We've gone through a lot together, and he's family to me. He still lives in Dallas, where we went to school. I live in Boston with my husband. Matt visits frequently, and there's one side of him that makes it difficult

to have him around. He has loud outbursts at times at restaurants on the streets, and he even said something out the window to my neighbor who has severe mental health issues. He whistles the people at bars and says obnoxious shit to strangers in the streets. He's meaning to be funny or playful, but it makes me want to disappear out of humiliation. It's the behavior of a teenager, and we are forty years old. I've asked him repeatedly to please stop, and he doesn't seem to understand how

embarrassing this is for me. I've gotten to the point where I feel like I need to tell him this behavior must stop immediately or he can't come to visit anymore. He's never responded well to criticism, so I'm at a loss on how to approach him with this, as he's already experiencing some loneliness in his life and therefore likes visiting frequently. Much love from Boston, Danny. I think we all have some loud friends. Yeah, yeah, they all do.

Personal I thought he was describing me, Danny. This is challenging. It's annoying when somebody thinks they're funny and they're not being funny. I can't fake laugh at something that I don't think is funny, so that's annoying and really annoying. Quality. Hi Danny, Hi Danny, Hi, how are you good? Hiar we hear your friend Matt as being very annoying. Yes, very much so. Yeah, that is really annoying. By the way, I hate that when guy. I hate loud, when people

are screaming and loud, you know. And I also hate when people think they're funny and they're not and you're supposed to pretend to laugh or not or whatever. Anyway, I think your friend is worth losing. And I've been influenced already by Roy on this podcast today, So I know, I think your friend is If you lost him, it's not that big of a detriment to you, is it. I mean yeah, So that's the that's the complicated part.

I mean, he so we've been friends for I mean twenty two years if I'm doing the math right, so it would feel like a huge impact for me. But like I was telling Catherine yesterday, I know you guys are busy, so I won't give you my whole story. But we're busy fucking doing this podcast. I mean, we're busy listening to callers, So yeah, give us your story. Okay, awesome, thanks Chlseie. I mean, you know, keep it succinct. Vote. So I grew up in very like small town Texas.

I left my small fucking town and moved to Boston and have the career I won and a tall, wardous Italian husband and basically killing it and like it's the truth and and it's that thing where it's just here in my new life that I have here that I've worked very hard for, I live with like co respect, if that makes sense, Like, let's live positively towards each other and that type of thing. But I am not I am not gonna suffer fools, and I'm not going

to put up with people's bullshit anymore. And I deserve respect like anybody else deserves respect. But he probably doesn't think he's disrespecting you. In his defense, he thinks he's being entertaining or funny. You know, oh totally. And also, Danny, you said you've been friends for like twenty two years. Now, is he being annoying the fuck out of you for twenty two years or is it just recently that he started annoying you? Is he jealous because you've got that

fine piece of Italian man? Is that what's setting him off? That he's forced to talk to strangers to make himself. Is that what it is? Danny? No, No, No, I don't. I don't think it's that at all. I mean, I think that it's always been there in some capacity, but then it's just a mixture of things. So I live in a different city and then he turns into this quote unquote city person when he's here, and I'm like, look the fuck around you. No one else is acting

like that, and all of us live here. What exactly does he turn into it? It's like a it's like a get out of my way, like no, like whatever. And I'm like, you're kind of the one being mister nonsense and irritating everybody because it's one of these older friendships where they're used to me being that person. It feels like I have to handle that new version of me a little bit more delicately. But then I live in Cambridge. I live very close to Harvard Square for

eleven years. I know people, and you're embarrassing me, and people in my building know me and all these things. So that's I think that's where I'm having such a hard time. How do I go? Can you please knock this the fuck off and be forty because you're not like a fifteen year old girl. Yes? Absolutely, but obviously you've said it to him in the past, right, Yes I have? Yeah, And did you say it like you just said it to us? Knock knock at the fuck off.

You're embarrassing the shit out of him. You're forty. You're forty, and there's nothing worse than telling a gay person they're forty. That's a fucking reality check. It's definitely gonna wreck his nerves. And it sounds like you hate him, Danny. It sounds like you've made it, You've already got all this figured out. You hate him, Just drop him. It's not worth all the grief. No, I definitely don't feel like I hate him.

I think with my own personal growth and people have had to have compassion for me when I was just being a fucking idiot in places in my life. But I went, oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I will not I'm gonna stop doing that. Yeah, I think it's your approach. I think if you say to him in a much more gentle, loving way, like in a thoughtful way, where the conversation isn't a reaction to his behavior,

it's actually aside from his behavior. You know, you either have a phone call or see him in person, whatever feels right to you. But I think you can address this and be like, listen, I know we've joked about it, and I've been kind of a shit about it in the past, reactive to your behavior, but I have to tell you it's not funny, and it makes other people uncomfortable, and it makes me uncomfortable, and like, say it in a really loving way, like I care about our friendship.

It's been twenty two years. It's starting to become an issue, Like you don't seem to have any self awareness around this issue that you know, how you're coming across isn't what you think it is, and you know, without assailing him, but just laying it on the table in a more loving way. Yeah, I think there's also something there with like when we're out at the bar, like be yourself,

be your crazy self. We love to see it. But when we're walking home late at night in my neighborhood where I know all these people who are eighty or whatever, one who is mentally ill, like dot you triggering them or screaming at them, And if he can't get it together and he can't obey by those rules, then you know, maybe he doesn't come to say anymore. Right. Yeah, And I mean that's where I'm at. I want to have space for everybody in my life, if they're Texas people

or Boston people or wherever people. If it's someone I love, I want to have space for them in my life. But for me, it's just like you're literally taking space from me by being here. Well, he's got to meet you halfway he's got to meet you halfway. He's gonna be respectful of what you're going through as well. Yes, totally, that's really great advice in terms of just approaching it a little bit more gently, and also I think just bringing it up when it's not a place where I

am just ready to go off. Yeah. I think that's the bigger part is I need to get to a place where I can separate myself from the problem and go this isn't mine to carry. So yeah, yeah, it's also okay to set that boundary with your friend. And remember you're in Cambridge and you got that fine man. Don't worry about that little bitch about him all the time he's in Texas. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Just turn your turn that beat around and focus on your big

Italian sausage. So thank you so much, Dan, Thanks Danny than you. Hi. I love Danny. I love Danny too. I was just thinking about my big Italian sausage. I was as I said that, I was like, I've never had a big Italian sausage. And then I was like, oh, yeah I did. I did an Italian guy who lived in Spain, but I dated him for a couple of months. Well, we had like a long term kind of come and go affair, like we meet each other in cities. It was pretty cute, actually, he had over the course of

like a year or two. You were never like we were never like exclusive. It was just an understood we would meet up in different cities, which is my favorite thing really to do for having sex. Anyway, Chelsea, you have an area code. I know I love. I love a man in every port. You know what I mean, as you should, Chelsea. Are you sure you're not a gay man? I mean so I'm not. I'm not sure. I don't know if I'm a lesbian or a gay man, but I feel like I am definitely on the other

side of things. Got it? Got it well? Our next question comes from Brian Brand's also here with us. On the phone. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I need some advice that I haven't been able to get from a therapist. A thing that haunts me is the dynamic I have in a lot of my friendships. Ever since middle school. I've been told that I'm easy to pick on or fun to tease. I definitely grew up in a household where I was sort of prepped to

expect the world to reject me. Both of my parents are deeply insecure, and somehow transferred that to me as an attempt at protection. Now, in my mid thirties, I'm still haunted by friendships with people who seem to find a lot of pleasure in teasing me or picking on me, often about things that are reminiscent of what I got picked on for in middle school, my weight or my lack of masculinity. Therapist after therapist gives me the same

runaround about having self worth and all that stuff. That's lovely, but it's hard to balance an attitude of not taking oneself too seriously and also not being self deprecating. I think a lot of this is just sort of lazy humor that people have that was popular in the early two thousands, and we've all sort of grown up from. One of the things I love about you and your podcast has been your evolution in your own sense of humor.

I'm just really looking for some help and advice from someone that I think has ther shit together and isn't so damn invested in who I am. Brian, Hi, Brian, Hi, Brian, Hi, Hi, Brian. We have our special guest today Bianca slash Roy Hi, Brian, Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Hi. Okay, So your friends is it the same group of friends? Is it a varied group of I mean, is it a lot of people or is it it's like a

good percentage of my friends. But I think so. I've got friends from my like teens and twenties from when I lived in Atlanta, and then I've got friends from when I moved back to California that are mostly people I met in my thirties. And I really thought that when I made that move that I would be able to redefine that boundary of how I talked about myself and how I let friends talk about me. And I just noticed like the same pattern has started up again over the past few years. So I'm kind of at

a loss. Okay, So what is the pattern? Can you give us some examples totally? I mean, it could be like little remarks from straight friends about being so gay or too gay, or you look straight until you open your mouth and start talking, or comments about my weight. I work in the diversity, equity and inclusion space, so like jokes about me being the woke police, or just stuff like that. I see. Yeah, Okay, well I think these are just kind of leftovers, you know what I mean,

Like everybody's getting up to speed. If you're these people are good friends in your life, I'm sure that they care about you, right, So it is lazy humor. It is leftover from we're entering a like a world where like it's not cool to say that anymore, and some people are just kind of like they don't want to let that go, you know what I mean. It's easy to make that joke. It's easy to make that reference. I'm guilty of it myself at times. You know, I just always have to remember or like pick it up,

pick up your humor. So I think you have to just have a different reaction than you've had, and don't think of it as a reaction as much of a response where you are firm, you know, and whatever that looks like for you, Like it can be a real conversation or it can just be like the way you react in the moment. Like, dude, if you still think you can say stuff like that, you're like mistaken, Like get with the program. Yeah, I might be the woke police, but I know what's going on, and you guys don't.

It's not cool to make fun of people being gay anymore. It's not funny anymore. Get more clever in your humor. I think you have to be a little bit more aggressive than your probably natural disposition allows you to be totally And I think where I've tried to like call people out on it, especially when it's stuff that I'm like really sensitive about, the immediate reaction that I get is, oh my god, you take yourself too seriously. Oh my god,

you're too sensitive. And that's where I honestly like fall apart and turn into like a kid being bullied on the schoolyard again and just kind of want to burst into tears. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You don't want to do that. You want to like handle it in a way that it's not a question right, because then they're going to attack you for being weak, and then that supports their argument that you're already too much of a whatever, too effeminate or too girly or

too gay or whatever. Like I think you have to just be succinct about it, like it's not cool guys at all, and not in a victimy way, in a way that you're not the victim in a way that you're taking charge of your life. Like great, if you guys want to do that, that's great. But I have other friends that aren't going to treat me like that.

Even though you don't yet, let's just pretend you do. Yeah, okay, because we're going to manifest them, and you're gonna start talking and you're going to start attracting people that are going to be treating you in a more dignified way. Because the people you're around is always just a projection

of yourself. So when you start taking your gayness more seriously and with more pride instead of being a victim about it, then you're going to be in a position of power instead of a position of weakness, which it seems that you're in right now. But that's easy to shift out of totally. And you also have to realize that you know, when someone says this kind of shit, like as gay people, we've heard this our entire life.

As you've said, you dealt with it as a kid, and it takes you back there is it literally in your mind. You have to flip it and just go, I've heard it. This doesn't affect me on that level anymore. I can't allow it to affect me anymore. You got me. I'm gay, Yeah, I'm as gay as it gets. Yeah, I'm a flyaway in about five minutes. It's just one of those things where it is it is a lazy situation.

But yeah, once you assess it and just kind of in your own mind, go, hey, I'm not that kid anymore, and I don't have to put up with this shit, you know, and you do realize that when people are this negative in your world that it does become exhausting. How much of it are you willing to take? How much are you willing to put up with? You know? It's so I think if you put it on the line with them, then they have the option. I'm either staying and being a better person or getting the fuck out.

You know, it ain't worth all that. It ain't worth all that. Trust me. I've been called sissy, I've been called everything. And it's just one of those things where like if you say fag on the street, I'm gonna turn first because I would react to it going hey, But in the end I laugh at it now, you know, because I am a big fag in a wig. You know. It's much job and Brian, you mentioned being self deprecating.

Is that something that you find yourself sort of leading with when you meet someone new or you know, are in a new friend group. Oh my god, Yeah, I mean I've been out since I was thirteen and had a weight problem since I was younger than that. So of course, like the way that I've always learned to sort of be on the defense is to make the joke quicker than everybody else does, And through like years and years and years of therapy, I've learned that that's

something I have to really check. But also it does make people feel more comfortable around you when you can show that you can make a joke about yourself. It's just such a hard boundary for me to find between being self deprecating and then also not just talking shit about yourself. Right Exactly, you can be self deprecating, but not what you're telling yourself negative things about yourself. There are different ways to be funny and make other people

feel comfortable without putting yourself down. Yeah, right, Like Chelsea has a joke about like the friends between the Sun and the Moon, and she talks about that, but she's not going around calling herself stupid there's a difference between a shame based you know, quote unquote self deprecation and something that's fun and lively and invites positivity into your life. So I would just be really careful and maybe for

a time you aren't self deprecating. Maybe you take a break from that for a little while and start making jokes that are positive about yourself and see where that gets you. See what happens with that. Yeah, I like that idea, making jokes that are positive about yourself. And also, you know, like whatever your approach has been or response has been thus far isn't setting the right message. So

you should experiment with some other responses, you know. And it doesn't have to be like you getting up and storming out when you're in a group setting and your friends are like not getting it. It's about you laying down a boundary and going, hey, guys, I know this is fun for you, but it's so old and it's so not funny for me, Like this is my life.

I'm not interested in hearing about this anymore. Like if we can't have more clever jokes about me, then like, why don't you guys let me know when you're ready to hang out? Without making fun of the fact that

I'm gay. Yeah. Yeah, when you're ready to do that and you feel more mature than great, and you know, you can try it like that, but make it a non emotional And I know it's hard in the moment when you're having those interactions, but I think this is a perfect example of something that kind of needs to be handled in the moment. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean that makes total sense. It's a good exercise for you.

It's great, you know, because once you get a little bit of power, your power back, you're gonna like the way that feels, and then there's going to be more boundaries. And boundaries are good, Like they're not limiting. They actually are expansive because they make people behave in different ways and they make other people expand their behavior, you know

what I mean. So, like, you're not just helping yourself, you're helping other people around you, and you're setting up a dynamic that's much more respectful to yourself, right, you know. I think there's also an opportunity maybe for you to express to your friends that you are making a conscious shift and how you talk about yourself and what you talk about. Yeah, I had a moment with my therapist where I was like, my in laws are going to bring up such and such and I'm gonna have to

talk about it. And she's like, you know what, just say like I actually used to talk about that all the time and I'm not comfortable talking about it anymore. And then you change the subject and I think it's okay to do that in like a kind and caring way, like I don't really love joking about my weight anymore. Like let's move on. You know. It's just like taking ownership over something, Just taking ownership over it and also just realizing, hey, we've been there, we've discussed it, it's

been beaten to death. Moving on, Yeah, And I think being comfortable with that like momentary discomfort knowing he's going to have a positive it's temporary run. Yeah. I mean, it's like I was talking about this last week. I was reading this book and I was talking about like letting go and dancing even though you may look like an idiot, you're learning how to dance or you're gonna

you're gonna let people see you kind of stumble. And for me, because I'm not good at dancing, I have no rhythm, but I was like, it's preventing me from dancing, Like, I don't want to be like that. I don't care what I look like what I danced. At least I want to be that person. So I just I was like, Okay, I made a real effort this winter when I was up with my friends when we went out, I was like,

you gotta day out all the time. Just dance as an exercise because it doesn't matter what anybody thinks, and it doesn't matter if people see you mess up. That's good and it's a growth spur for you to be uncomfortable in what you're asking and then see the result of what you're asking. And if your friends aren't respectful of that, then they're not your friends to begin with, you know what I mean? The bigger issue right yeah

you go yeah, yeah, but I'm sure that they will be. Yeah, it's probably me giving them a little bit more credit to and just giving them time to understand that, Like I'm having a shift in how I want to talk about myself. So yeah, yeah, absolutely, what was this helpful? Brian? Yeah, totally. Years and years in therapy can give you a bunch of tools, but sometimes you just need like a really good pep talk. So this has been great for that and I thank you all so much. And we didn't

even charge you. We didn't even know we are we're going to or do you venmo us? Who venmos? Who is the purchaser or the O or or the buyer? I don't know? So confusing, are we on? Okay, yeah, we'll send you an invoice. Awesome, Well, thank you so much, Brian, good luck bye. A lot of questions that really, like deep down, are about people pleasing with two people who are, in my opinion, don't seem very concerned about pleasing people. No, No, well I'm quick to drop a bitch. I'm just one

of those. I mean I think also, just as you get older, you start to realize we ain't got much time, Like do I really want to be bothered with this toxic person? You know? And if they're going through a moment, I never say never. So it's that thing of like if you have a spell and you don't speak to them and then eventually you pick back up. All right, you got over yourself, we addressed it. Now you're in a better place. That's fine. But the daily occurrence, they're

just dealing with that annoying son of a bitch. I don't think I could do it. I just can't. Yeah. And also, these people aren't necessarily toxic. They just are not. They haven't been called to task for their behavior. So if they were called to task for the behavior and then increase that behavior, then you know what I mean, then it's toxic. But like we have to give them a little bit of credit to understand that. They might get the feedback and be like, oh shit, you're totally right. Sorry,

sorry we did that. You know, that's also an option, and they may have just like gotten the wrong impression in the beginning of like he's teasing about himself, like he's the guy who's let me jump on the bandwagon. Yeah, exactly. Well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Bianca del Rio and Chelsea. And we're back Bianca Roy. Yeah, I love your energy.

Oh well, thank you know, listen, it's just what it is, you know, for somebody who wears all this shit in drag, I'm just basically a normal person, which is funny, you know, because you put all these layers on, you put all this madness, and and people just assume that you're going to be different. Now I'm still the same sad fact out of it. So it's no big deal. It's what it is. Bianca. Do you have any advice you'd like

from Chelsea? Well, I'm just curious, though, Chelsea. You've been around, You've had the block around Jenny's block, and you've also been you know, in and out of a big Italian passage. You know you've had a rehab. Oh, that's good. I haven't done rehab yet, is it? Maybe that's the question, is rehab worth it? I haven't been either. To be quite honest with you, I'm not. I'm not doing that

in this lifetime. I also was going to say it's for quitters, but I feel like I was in rehab the last lifetime and that's why I'm acting against it now.

I guess you know the question I would ask, because that how do you how do you maintain your sanity with as many projects as you have going on because of the fact that you basically, you know, as a comedian, as a writer, as a person who's out there and making appearances and talking efforts like even just now giving advice to people, how do you find that balance for yourself to stay kind of in tune with yourself and also funny, entertaining, engaging in the business side of it

as well. How do you How do you do it? I mean, I hate saying I have a practice. I don't hate saying it. I'm just not used to saying that, but it is a practice. I practice it. I practice making sure that this is not my whole life, that my whole life does not revolve around my career. My career is pretty much the biggest thing in my life, but it doesn't take over my life. Like I have a private life and a personal life, and I have friends, you know, lots of different groups of friends that have

nothing to do with Hollywood. And I try to spend as much time as I can away from LA so that I am reminded about the rest of the world. And I think that is a really important ingredient. And in terms of evolving and growing and learning, you know, I'm always trying to learn. Even when I'm watching TV,

I'm trying to learn something, you know. I try not to watch stupid shit so that I could be educated, but you know, obviously I watch stupid shit as well, And you know, when I'm reading and stuff, but it's it's really important too. For me, at least, it has been to remain very grounded in terms of my relationship with my family and my relationship with myself, not to be not to have it all encompassing, you know, to have like a wide birth of interests, not a narrow field,

or to be like a hermit. You know. I always want to just go out and grow, and anytime I can, you know, leave this country, I do it so that I'm not getting recognized every single place and I'm not constantly being told nice things about myself or terrible things about myself. Either way, it's not about me, you know what I mean. You want to get to a place in your life where not everything is about you, right right?

I think I think that's definitely the issues that lie within it, because it's so I guess with social media, there's so much that's they're out in the world, and then everybody then starts to compare or analyze what everybody's doing in the world. And there's a huge part of my life that I don't put you know, as I'm telling you before, I don't put all my business out

there on the street. But what I do put out there you are going to be judged by, so I try to maintain that sense of, hey, this is what this is and this is what my real life is. I just didn't know if that's like the best way to go, but it just seems like that works for you. So well. It's nice to integrate everything, you know, because whatever is happening in your private life and your personal life, you're able to bring with you to your profession and

to your creativity and vice versa. So it's like it all feeds each other. You know, there is no perfect ratio of time spent in the public eye versus time spent in the private eye. But you know, I'm a very public person. I'm totally down with that because I'm not trying to pretend on anything that other than who I am, and I like that people respond to it. So I have a lot of gratitude, but I also have a desire to not you know, I can't tell you how nice it feels when you don't check Instagram

all day, one single time. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, when you could go a day twenty four hours, and then you start to deprogram yourself, like it's fine to be on social media, but not scrolling for hours blindly and mindlessly like that is just And every time I give

myself time like that, I'm always feel it. I'm like, oh, you're fuller like you felt you've You've filled up your cup a little bit more today instead of depleting it with compare contrast gossip, looking at people liking what they're wearing, not liking what they're wearing, whatever, all of that bullshit. So I think it's a good practice to try and just always maintain a little bit of, you know, some other interests. Makes sense, makes sense. It was great seeing you.

I hope I get to see you in person one day soon. Yes, hopefully too. Yes, we got to work that out. Next time you're around. We can make some Madden does happen? Well? Yeah, we can have a sausage party. Y all about it. I'll order up. That sounds like a friend, like a joke that one of his friends would make to him. Welcome to the sausage party. Jason has arrived. Okay, have a great day. We love you. Thank you so much. All right, Okay, thankye bye, and

don't forget everybody. My new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and it's Badass and then I'm doing a tour, a little Big Bitch tour. Go to Chelsea Hamma dot com for tickets. I've added some new dates. I added a date in Monticello, New York. I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming to klam Miszoo, and then I'm coming to a bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville,

and Chattanooga. That's May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first, and then I'll be in Atlantic City June tenth, which is almost sold out, so get your tickets. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, produced by Catherine Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.