Best Of Dear Chelsea: Cat and Nat

Hi, Good morning, Catherine, Hello morning. Does everybody want to hear me sing? I don't think so. But I have learned how to dance a little bit. What I've learned is to just side step to the beat, like just a two step. I can do that. So I'm going to do that just for everything, and I'm not going to try to get anything more complicated than that. You know what, Chelsea, I'm just sorry, Catherine. I just want everyone to know that I'm drinking room temperature water right now.

She does not like the water.

I love my thermis in my car. I love my thermiss. By the way, shout out to Wellie. They make the best thermoces. I could put ice in my Wellie bottle and it's ice three days later.

Yes, can I tell you something. I have made yogurt in my Wellie bottle.

Before you know what, Catherine, this is not something I want to hear about. I says, right up, I'm surprised you didn't say cottage cheese.

I have made my own cheese.

Actually, I mean fucking Brad, you're way to bury the lead. Being married to Catherine, She's.

Up to no good.

I love fermented foods.

I had a military death on one of my planes the other day and we stopped and they were transporting a military bottle body and there were those a whole ceremony outside the plane with like the military and their family, which was sad because they were all crying, but it was really sweet to see that. How they do that. Wow, I was like, well, wait, I guess the airports aren't that fucked up if they can swing this like you

Of One of my girlfriends got stuck at Burbank Airport for like all of Christmas Day.

Oh everyone did canceled all their flights. I mean, yeah, it's been pretty brutal the travel situation. But I guess.

I have to tell you, Chelsea, we have not had a question in a long time that's had as much totally varied feedback as Jesse from a weeks ago. She called in and remember we talked to her like all like the entire episode with Brookshields about her in laws yelling at her on the rafting trip, and then we kind of got it.

We discovered that out of the calls she seemed to be she needed to do some work. Yeah, well we discovered that early on, but we were trying to be respectful before, at least I was before I told her.

Yeah, so the dishwashing. But we had people emailing and being like, go get her girls, she did wrong, other people being like, no, it was totally her in law's fault for screaming at her, and I just thought it was really interesting.

I don't know if you've gotten damns about this, but I've gotten a lot.

Of noot this I haven't. Yeah, that is interesting, Yeah, I'm sure.

Well it's very relatable situation, right, Yeah, it's tough with in laws.

I think nobody doesn't.

Get married you don't have to deal with that's another reason, okay, to put another perk to not being married.

I think, you know, her family's got some shit to work out too, because if somebody's screaming at you about dishes two years later they wanted something to be mad at you about, you.

Know what I mean?

Well, I think that's a really kind of icky thing to do. If you're at someone's house and you make a habit of nobody's supposed to ask you to help at someone else's house, Like, it's not the onus is not on them.

You jump in.

You got it? Even I do it, and not even I, because like I'm someone special, even I who doesn't know how to wash dishes, I shouldn't be washing dishes. It's worse when I do it. Yeah, I always get up and try. Yeah, I try to make an effort because it's manners. I mean, it's pretty basic.

Yeah.

But people were up in arms about Jesse.

Real people were up in arms once when I did some poll about toilet paper whether it should be upside down coming from them or coming from the top or I was on the Drew Barrymore Show and we were doing something and it was the biggest thing. I mean, there were like fifteen thousand comments about people's opinions. And I finally figured out that I prefer, because I had never thought about it before, prefer it from the bottom, you do.

I don't want it from the top, top down?

Oh you do.

Interesting, We're just different in every way, Chelsea.

Well, yeah, so far, we have not found one similarity except that we both are on this podcast. It's accurate, that's what we all in common.

Well, Chelsea, today we have some really exciting guests.

Okay, great, I can't wait. I can't wait to find out who they are today. Yeah, we have my two Canadian mom friends, Kat and Nat. These girls are two hot fucking messes and I'm excited to have them on because they're besties. And then they tore around well, they tour around America too, at Canada, and they both have a bunch of children and they talk a lot about motherhood, parenting and I don't know what who turned me on to them, but we're buddies now.

They have seven kids between them.

Oh that's better than me having them. Are you guys ride sharing?

Yeah? You know, we always. She doesn't drive. She has a car and a license, but she won't drive. I don't drive in the highway, just in the city, only a few.

Streets the city or the suburb.

No, we're in the city.

I like the city because it's short streets, lots of lights, like everything's really fast and quick. But if you go to the suburbs, you have to take the highway. I don't go there.

Okay, this is Cat, I mean, this is sorry, this is Catherine. Hi, and this is Cat and this is no. Well wait you Cat, Nat and.

Nat doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, I basically just call them both Cat.

We can all three be Cat today.

When they meet us, they're say your Cat and Nat, even if we're not together.

Hi, Oh, I love you Cat and Nat. That's it.

So it's literally, it's it's totally fine. I mean, look at us. I want to be confused too.

I know it is very confusing because you guys do really look a lot alike, but only from hanging out with you. I know that Cat is more of like a busy body, and Nat is a little bit lazier.

Yeah, she loves to vertically. I am no, horizontally.

They don't want to. They went on tour. Okay, let's talk about the jet assist of you guys, so that I want Catherine to be as familiar with me because I don't even remember how I met you too. I just know that we are friends now. But explain to Catherine, explain the genesis of everything that you two do. You guys went on tour as mothers basically right, you're talking about mother all the time on your Instagram and how nuts it is.

First of all, it was a joke.

We decided to do a show as a joke because no one invites us anywhere. So we were like, oh, we'll make a party and we our first show.

You guys.

We threw for free, gave free drinks and free appetizers for everybody. We wanted to host a party. We didn't pay for it.

We found people to like sponsor it.

So we host a party in a theater and then we go out to like go have a cocktail party with everyone, and they mault like we get mauled. We were like, oh, we were just here to hang out and we couldn't get through the crowd. The security guard basically took us and pulled us back inside. I was like, that was weird.

That was like, we just need an excuse to get away from the seven kids and go and have a party. And for our party, we wanted a dj, we wanted strippers, we wanted flamenco dancers, we wanted dancing, we wanted drinking, We want a champagne. So we just created a party and then started selling tickets to it.

And then our agents were like, Okay, if you can sell out like three more theaters, we'll talk about it to our moment, okay, just kind of all came together. We had a podcast, and I don't know.

We wrote a couple of books, and then Chelsea once like commented on our Instagram and we died and the people were text us you see the Chelsea's oh my god.

That I don't want to actually talk to her, like I didn't want to. I'm like, don't say yes to our podcast because that's pressure. And then because you're like a real you're funny, We're I was funny and famous or not us her and then it was more like we're just shit shows and people liked that.

And now we've seen Chelsea three times this year. One we came to your show in Toronto. Two you met us at the Sofa hus three were seeing you right now.

Where do you guys live? And you live in Toron, so so everyone knows they're Canadian? Yeah, but they tour in America. So what was your agent for before you decided to start? How did you even have an agent?

She emailed every person at WME and just said, you know what, we're had in that and we need someone to help us with deals, and they said, yes, it was so.

Weird, but we did. We were doing like we were doing videos.

We were doing the mom Troops videos and those were videos in the car just like talking about what it's like to be a mom.

We were doing what else did we do?

But not glorifying what it's like to be a mom. No, they's all about how hard it is to be a mom, just how demanding it is and all the disappointments and that you're not going to win all the time, and there's going to be a lot of failures and you're going to feel like a failure and that all of that is fine.

Yeah, and that's exactly how we felt when we first had our babies. We were just like, we thought this was going to be so beautiful and it's actually not, and nobody's talking about it. So let's just start doing some videos. Because a lot of moms were like blogging at the time, and we weren't going to sit down and write, so we did videos. No one was doing videos. Social media wasn't really a thing. And then everything just

Been a lot of women who because we really are naive in this world of what we've been doing, and it's really been women like you Chelsea and like the Today Show, and people have just said like yes.

And they've they've just helped us.

And you know, when you open a door, like even when you comment, that's what people see and they're like, oh, she's looking at them. That means that they're worthy of me looking at them. Unfortunately, it's sort of the way it looks. And even when you don't think you're opening doors, kindness goes so far and you you personally have opened a ton of doors for us, and we know people say yes because you've said yes.

So I just think, you know, I see like.

Amy Schumer now comments and follows us, and I'm pretty sure that that's probably because she saw you, you know what I mean, that you did so that she.

Kind of took notice enough.

I just think a lot of women have been so impactful in ways they don't know for us, because it's really a lot of yeses. That's all we've really done and stumbled and failed and gotten up, and some shows are do shit and terrible and you're like, oh, that's not my demo. But you can't let that hurt your ego because we don't knock it out of every city. But we figure out, we regroup, and we go back to the place, you know what I mean. It's always reverse correct, reverse correct.

It's kind of like that.

And what would you say that you feel like, thus far, your biggest impact has been for other mothers.

I think it's like for women too.

You know, we have a lot of young people who follow us, like fifteen year old's, fourteen year olds who wait in the parking lot after the show and sneak into our shows to come see us. And I think that right now it's our friendship for a lot of people that brings the hope and that they find comfort in our friendship even more than motherhood.

Oh yeah, that's true, because that's honestly, that's what attracted to me, to you, to the bestie vibe. I always love bestie dynamic.

And I feel like we fuck up constantly, but we pick each other up and it's because we may have each other we can do what we do.

And I think that our friendship is really.

And the young people are on TikTok, like if this isn't us when older than I don't, I.

Don't want to be.

I love that.

Yeah, so it's sort of this weird.

You know, you don't have to give up your best friend because you're an adult, and I think that's what a lot of people think.

You have to grow up and lose your friendship.

No, you just have to time your babies and families together so that you're both on the same track. Because I was asking them about their other friendships independent of their own, because you both have separate groups of friends that don't necessarily cross over to your.

Cat or net.

Right, Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we have separate friendships.

We for sure planned a bunch of them though, like we're like, don't you can't pull out, you know what I mean, Like you're not pulling friends, but it's like.

You are staying in there. We planned the babies before husbands had any idea what was happening.

It's almost like your husbands are both just so inconsequential in this dynamic. It's you know, I feel sad for them, but I also feel like, you know, good.

They travel, they take care of the kids, they're not one.

Yeah it's pick up time right now, and they check off they're not working so they can pick up the kids.

So they are also a huge reason.

They support our friendship and what we do, so we are very They're not just sperm, you know what I mean?

Okay, well sure, sure we'll agree on that. Also, they travel on a tour bus and I don't sleep in the same bed because they don't. They're not down with that. But that's more NAT than KAT right from what I remember. Would you two sleep together, I would sleep in a bed with anybody. I have no problems with that. I I mean, I prefer well not if we're sleeping together. You won't this one over here, Fuck, you're gonna snuggle me?

Well, honestly, we always say, like, we have tried to teach these seven kids to sleep independently on their own, and then finally they learned how to sleep on their own, and then you get your relationship, and now you're supposed to share a bed again, Like it just doesn't make sense for the way that we have learned how to sleep. So yeah, I mean she does it too. We build a wall.

Between our husbands of pillows, and I don't want like, maybe his feet might creep over like a hand my cream over, but that's not gonna happen Between the two of us independent sleeping, like like if I can.

Have my own bed, I haven't had in my own bed in a long time. Like someone's in you, on you or wants to get in you at all times. So you're like when you get your own bed, it's like that's amazing.

Sare heaven.

So you want like Lucy and Ricky style, like two beds in the bedroom.

So sometimes people will fly us out and we'll get us two rooms, and then we get to the hotel where like can we only use one room with two beds?

Like can we change that king to too?

That's the ultimate for all sleeping is to be in the same room or the same house with a big group. But everyone has their own privacy.

Catherine, Why did Lucy and Ricky sleep in separate beds?

Well, I think it wasn't allowed for them to have one bed.

Well, no, that was in that time era, like people did that, people had separate sleeping arrangements. I'm not sure.

I guess why did that change?

I'm not sure. I don't know.

They were married, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, they made little Ricky so because they were fucking smarter than us, I guess.

I mean that's what that's what needs to come back in style if it should be retroactive. I think everyone who has a child. I don't even have a child, and I feel that way, but anyone who has a child is definitely on board for separate beds.

Is your dog with you?

Yeah?

Yeah, I want them to, but they even reject me. They don't want to say in the bed all night. I have to leave the little doggy steps. So Bernice will like humor me. She's like, oh, here we go. You know, she thinks I'm like assaulting her, so she goes to her safe spot while I assault her, and then I put her under the covers, like like we're gonna do it. And I noticed that if I have the confidence of her not leaving, she will remain. It's when I look at her and like, you know, and

With your insecurity.

Yeah yeah.

And Burt has basically turned into some sort of limp biscuit, so I can't. He's not getting into my bed because he's frail now, so I have to respect that. No more abuse, even though he's probably got that way from my abuse anyway. So let's talk a little bit about

I think for us it will.

Number one, It allows you to take sort of more risks because when there's two of you losing and failing, it's a lot, it's funnier and it's a lot easier than when it's one of you. And I think that when you're both in it together, there's no everything feels fun that we do. There's nothing.

We could be on a delay on an airplane for twelve hours and.

It's fun like it just the stakes just feel different because everything's kind of a joke and in a way that when parenting is going to shit, we call each other and thank god, it often doesn't go to shit at the same time, or when your relationship's not great and you always have someone to share everything with because you're so intimate with them, but you don't have sex with them, that it's like this weird.

We're not transactional.

We're so tight that when you know when someone's going through something, they don't have to see it. The other one can just pick up the work slack, knowing that that one needs that, and vice versa.

So it's this weird.

I think we get double done because there's two of us versus one of us, and there's no If we failed and lost everything tomorrow, I would be okay because our ride has been so much fun and we would still have each other and we'd probably figure out something else to do in a different capacity. But this wouldn't change. And I think that's the coolest thing about our friendship. It's friendship first and then fun and then work.

Yeah, and what about you, Nat, I want you to speak up.

This is going to be hard for her. She doesn't do feeling.

I know.

That's why you're going second, she got inspired.

She told me recently why I love her.

We were on a plane and we were talking about love and what love is and why she loves me and I love her, and she basically told me I love her because she.

Does things for me like drive me around and like.

Sure she stays book her plane tickets you know her life.

But I was like, I think it's more than that. But maybe that's all it is.

It's been fourteen years of being moms together, and there has been so many hard times.

It hasn't all been like he ty keen.

We've had a post part of anxiety, We've had sickness, we've had so many things. But being able to rely on your friend too, like she said, pick up when the other one can't.

But also, like my kids say to me, you are so lucky.

You get to go to work every day with your best friend and there's no boss, right, we're equal bosses, so we don't have to go into work, have a boss, go to work all day with a bunch of like weirdos or strangers.

It's just us and everything we get to do is fun.

I do remind them that what we do is work, and we work hard together, but we work together really well because we know each other so well.

But yeah, we get to just have fun.

And also it's really great that our children get to have sort of like a second mother so that when like our siblings, our seventh which is my baby, my baby's the seventh, but our seventh is so ferocious because she's had to have like seven.

Above her, like she's grown up with six siblings. Essentially, she's ferocious.

I'm the youngest of six, so I know exactly what you're talking.

Ferious.

Our two babies are ferocious, and I just think they're so lucky that they always have a built in tribe. Like you know, I'm sure you feel it like when you have a lot of people around you. It's like this built in little thing that you get bumpers around you.

And we take them on vacation together and we spend summers together.

And us walking on the plane, eleven of us, seven children and the two of us walking onto a plane, Everyone's.

Like, oh, my daughter has billed a hot cup of noodles on two different men on two different planes their pants.

Oh god, oh how humiliating.

She offered him candy as like an apology, and we left the two girls like, mom, we still I don't know who you are.

You deal with this man, and that's when you fan out, fan out to get away from your children. You don't want to be seen with them. And do you guys have similar parenting styles? Are you guys like agree on the way you parent or you do differ in that way.

We like parent each other's children differently, Like her kids will come to me for some things, and my kids will.

Go to her for things. Like we definitely have different personalities.

Our mothers mothered us differently, but overall I respect totally the way that she does it, and she respects the way that I do it.

We go to each other for different devices, like she has experts and I have expertise, and then we blend.

And what do you think your strong suit is? Your strong parenting suit is?

Kat?

Oh?

God, that's so serious. You know. I'm like the talker.

So they'll call me, like yesterday, she's like, Mom, we're going through some anxiety.

Can you walk us through these.

Feelings that we're in the car and we are kids in the car. I'm like, yeah, let's go here we go? Oh Kat, I'm like, I don't know where we go when we die? Like I do the sex like I'm the sex conversation. I land the plane. You know, I'm like, if you don't know about a boner by grade two, we're screwed. So like, I'm like boner penis vagina. People do it for fun and for babies. We sit them all down and lay it out and not as strong suits. She's the one who's like, let's get up on the

Yes? Can we go here? Yes? Yeah?

But I'm not I'm not there to talk talk about No, They'll all call me and I'm like, let's talk.

Okay, I see, I see, yeah, I understand that. I get that from you too.

And then I have to because we share a bank account and a credit card, so we all all of our money goes into one account, the two of us.

You are married, you guys, you guys co mingle your funds.

Yes, but like we have other like the funds with the husbands and that's where everything's in. No look at the budget. But with us that we didn't even know for the first few years, and we had to pay taxes. We had the most amazing first couple of years until

Oh my god, I love that you have a bank account together. That is so ridiculous.

We changed our.

Wedding and our engagement rings to different styles together.

I just told you ten minutes ago that your husbands are inconsequential and you disagree with me, and you're just proving my point. Everything you're saying is supporting what I said ten minutes earlier. So yeah, they're very valuable. Thank God for those times, Thank God for them. Well, we

Social worker to this long show, like yeah.

You were not social worker before you.

Yes, Well, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be back and we'll take some callers and some emails.

Okay, we're taking a break and we're back. We're back, We're back.

Well.

Our first email comes from a mom who is going by tired af Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty six year old mom of four, two of which I had eight months ago, twin girls. One of them is so chill, only cries when she needs something, and an all around normal baby. The other one is exhausting. In her defense, she does have collics, some stomach problems, and she's currently teething, but she literally never stops crying since she was born.

I can't even believe that she had the time to write that.

Like that sounds like such a shit show over there.

I mean, she's twenty six years old, like her brain just got fully developed a year ago.

Yet that just now, that is crazy And the only thing I could think of is I have four kids as well. I did not have four kids at twenty six. I did not have nine siblings. But there is times in the cycle of our children that there is a favorite. And absolutely that quiet baby is going to be the favorite because it's giving the least problems. But my quietest ones a year later are the hardest ones. And people always ask us, do you have a favorite? I'm like,

Yeah, you never get nothing, nothing, Scott Free, No one's good for life.

You know, your quiet baby's going to be a pregnant, pregnant drug addict by fourteen.

Yeah, and I so enjoy the time that you have them as your favorite. Because I've talked to a lot of men about this, because I know women's answer is pretty kind of what you guys are saying. I always get an interesting answer. Men have consistently said, whichever child needs me the most is their favorite. Huh. And that changes all the time too, So it's kind of like the opposite of what this woman is going through. So I think I don't think it's a new sure to

And just you know, I'm just thinking about Kat's family and my family, and we both know who our mom's favorite is.

And it's your brother. Yeah, I guess, And I'm fine with that. And she does.

Natalie here does happen to have one child blown up in giant Life's like giant on the wall for many years, just one of them and she has four kids, but one made the wall.

He's so big. He's honestly the most photochemic, so it was huge.

You walked in, it was a portrait of him. Everyone's like, isn't that wrong? And I'm like, listen, we had a photo shoot and one kid nailed it. He's a huge picture on the wall.

That was it. He got good luck next time.

That's funny. I always say that's my family. I'm like, it's just because I'm the best looking one. You guys, I mean, that's why everything's working out the way it has. This was about this world's about looks, and I got them so back up and I asked, how that's.

How she feels. Oh my gosh.

Everybody although he is a little on the short side compared to everybody else, so.

He needed the wall, if you will, we needed to start early.

So yeah, I like all the reasoning behind the big picture on the wall. So far, I'm totally on board with this. That's actually a good way to keep kids in check. If you have three or more, totally blow one up and put it on the wall and be like, guess who the favorite of the month is. Everybody needs to step their fucking game up.

Oh my gosh, yay, you are you are onto something favorite. It's like the employee of the month.

Yes, you are. Needs incentivization children. You know how when you went to sleep away camp. I went to the sleep away camp. Well, no, my parents couldn't afford sleepway camp, so they sent me to this day camp. And every day as somebody would get like best swimmer or best finger blaster or whatever you do. And it felt even though I saw everyone every day get an award as a kid, it felt so good to get the ord. You know, it feels so good. And that's I mean,

Yeah.

And if you have braces, you just have to wait to get those off to hit the wall.

No, I think it. I disagree, Nat, I disagree. I think sometimes just like kids with braces are the best, and they should be given they're due right, not just based It shouldn't be based on looks. It should be based on who's the best kid that month, who had the best behavior, you know what I mean? Okay, fair or best grades or whatever. However you want to categorize, it is up to you.

I love it.

Yeah, I love it.

And then when they're teenagers and they hate you and they're embarrassed by everything, you put their picture on the wall until they're good, and then you can take it down.

Yeah, oh my gosh, I love that.

Yes, humiliation.

There's probably gonna be an age where they don't want their picture on the wall, So then you have to like restrategize.

Yeah, yeah, you know.

Then you put yourself up, but you put a nude up, you know, you don't embarrass Yeah.

Going out, you know, mommy and daddy in their boudoir shop.

Yeah, or you just make it. Yeah, that's good to threaten them with. Like you're going to do a lot of public displays of affection with your husband. That's also a good threat. Yeah, write that book hot parenting tips.

So our next caller, and this was her telling it.

They're going to be on a zoom So girls, okay, yes, be ready. It's a little juicy, Veronica says, dear Chelsea. The situation I'm in is quite a doozy for the last six months. I was really unhappy in my relationship of five years, and after talking to my therapist a few months ago, I decided that it would be best to end the relationship. As I started emotionally checking out, I started flirting with his cousin that also happened to be our roommate. For reference, I'm twenty five, my axes

Help. I don't even know where to start. Veronica, Hi there.

Hi, Hi, hiiio. How are you guys? Good? Our special guest today, our cat and Nat and so they're here today, and you have Catherine, so you have four of us.

Yes, I need all the advice I can get.

I know, I know you do need advice. So you were dating your previous boyfriend for how long?

Five years?

And you've been broken up for how long?

Going on close at ten months?

Now, Okay, okay, So this is going to be a problem for a lot of people. But yeah, yeah, so I get it. I mean it's pretty tricky. Their family is going to be upset. Somebody is going to be upset.

I think. So, yeah, I would say that's a safe bet.

And is your boyfriend, your current boyfriend, who is your ex boyfriend's cousin. Is he contemplating your relationship at all or is he committed?

No, he has committed one hundred percent.

Okay, so you're both done, You're going to be together, and you're going to tell his family at some.

Point, right, Yeah, it's just a matter of when.

Okay, Well, I guess I'll go first, and then you girls can to hop on and give your opinion. I would just say, the sooner you come clean, the sooner everybody can acclimate to the new situation, and the sooner everybody has to stop hiding. But be prepared for a big thunderstorm that's gonna last for a long time, possibly potentially. But I think you should probably try and get the truth out sooner than later, and then, you know, the sooner everyone can get over it.

Yeah.

And it should be you.

Yeah, it should be the boyfriend, It should be your family, Yeah, you should be your boyfriend.

I don't know who should tell the boyfriend. Maybe who should tell the boyfriend?

Yeah?

I mean who are you going to tell first? The boyfriend?

Right?

Your ex?

Yeah?

Yeah, that's pretty tricky. What do you girls think? What does everyone think?

Do they have to know that you work together when they all were together?

Does that all have to come out? So that's another topic. We kind of agreed to never say that anything started while the previous relationship was going on, but we think that it would be really obvious that things would start to click once the truth came out.

So yeah, like my initial lie, like, wait a few months and then act like you guys ran into each other and it was so nice to see each other again and things started.

But that's when people always see. The truth always.

Freaking comes out, and then you're gonna have to not only face that you're dating him, but now the lies and all of the tears thing.

Vernica, it's never going to get easier, So waiting longer is not gonna make it easier. So freaking rip it and just be like, we're dating, we're in love, we're happy.

Is the family understanding people? Are they wild? Are we gonna flip tables?

Pretty understanding people?

Oh well, it's a good start, right, I mean, did you break up?

Was he heartbroken? Does he have your act and heartbroken?

I would say yes, he was very shocked and surprised.

Does he have new lady? Not yet? Hook him up. We got to get him a new lady, and you want that.

He's completely over you and so in love that he doesn't care what's going on.

It would be great if you could wait until he has a girlfriend.

That would be good.

Serious, then you won't care as much because it's just going to be a shit show. You're It's exactly right. The truth is gonna come out. They're gonna piece it all together. And if you admit that you guys how are flirting while you were with him, then that he's never going to forgive you. He's going to hold on to that for years, and that's just such bad news. Like, I wish you could just find a lie.

Was there kind of some overlap there?

I know you said there were some stolen kisses, but like, was there like sex overlap?

No?

No, no, no no, no, that's ken Yeah, good for you. Don't say it, Yeah, just say there was flirting. Yeah, flirted, and we knew that was wrong and I that's why I broke up with you and the cousin, and I knew it was wrong. And obviously, don't volunteer that there were any kisses. If he asked anything happen? What you take that as sex. No, No, we didn't have sex. I didn't want to do that while we were dating. I don't think you should admit the kissing behind the

I am.

Yeah, those details might just hurt more than I to.

Know everything exactly.

You guys can play it off like you've been dating for a few months because you I mean what you said you did, which is moving out, giving yourself some space to like figure out if this was really real. Turns out it was ten months, you know what I mean. You did a lot of the right things. You stopped it when it was going a certain direction. And I think, you know, having some white lives in there about not having physical intimacy, I think that's just fine too.

Yeah, that's so nice that you're so in love.

Yeah, it's very refreshing compared to the last five years.

So well, don't fucking say that.

I don't tell him that, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, But you know, you and your new boyfriend, if you can weather this storm that you're going to about to get into and listen, maybe it's not going to be a big deal that would be ideal.

But I mean, it probably will be a big deal. You know, people like to get.

His brother, you know, it could have been his brother. At least it's just a cousin.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good thing to bring up. Say, at least I wasn't fucking your father, right, See how he likes that.

I just say, it's you know better or your mother.

What if I was fucking your mother, that would be a real shocker, you know, that would be a double whammy.

Yeah, you really got to see that. This is the best case scenario. I feel like it is a bit removed from your family. Yeah, not immediate I didn't go for immediate family.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think also you have to be very once this is out, be very sensitive to the fact that people are going to have like their little feelings about it, and then that will just eventually fade out. Yeah.

Just the family probably doesn't like the cousin that much. You always talks about cousins, you know.

What I mean.

It might not even be that close. So maybe you're in a great place.

And get a dan a test. Maybe they're not even cousins, you know, Oh my gosh. A lot of surprises at them something that really is true. It is. Yeah, I get your twenty three and me, I bet you who knows? Who knows?

Wow, things really took a churn for a positive here. Yeah.

But also like it's been ten months, hopefully it won't be a big deal, right, it's been a while.

Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah, make sure you let us know what happens. Okay, I'm very I'm very still, and let us know when it happens. What happens, Yeah, call us back.

Okay, I'll give you all the juicy details.

Thank you, Yes, perfect, Okay, good luck with that.

Thank you.

That's right, that's awesome. That's gonna be one fucked up situation.

Holy shit, I'm sorry heal.

The vibes from that family. Just by talking to her. I know it's going to go badly.

The ancestors are gonna be pissed. We have another caller, gals. This is Emily. Emily is forty six, She says, HI, favorite podcast. I left an abusive marriage in two thousand and seven. In two thousand and eight, I met a guy who, fourteen years later, is still around. When we got together, we bonded over our terrible marriages, and we had kids, so our relationship became our private island. We communicate well and became great travel buddies. We don't live

Hi, Emily, Hey, this is Kat and nat Are who are special guests today. They're from Canada.

Hey, put is very legal here.

Oh nice? Perfect?

And you know Catherine because you probably spoke to her already.

She's amazing.

Okay, So you've been with your partner for fourteen years and you say you're independent, but then you say that you want to move in together. So it's a little confusing. Which one do you want?

Okay, So it's a little confusing of a situation. We did break up. It's sort of run its course. This has been going on for a long time. But I kind of like I'm growing up. I guess I think I finally became an adult share kind of thing where the same things we used to do, like he would come over and we would hang out, we'd smoke, we were you know, this great, perfect private island situation. And then after it got old, it just, you know, it kind of I got busy.

I like to do things outside.

He doesn't, and so I stopped doing all the things that I would do to get ready to hang out with him. And to me, that was a sign that I shouldn't continue this. I should at least think about what I need at this.

Point in my life. Now, I love him, we get along great.

Sounds like you're describing your brother or your best friend. Like it's the excitement is gone. It's over, so move on and you need to find something else. You have to be excited about the person that you are fucking. You have to be excited and want to look good from when they come over and look in the mirror and actually care about what you look like. I know that after fourteen years that's not typical, but so great. You're not married to him, you have no reason to

Appropriate to be friends. I guess I'm a little unclear on what as long as you.

Don't have expectations from him, you know, if you can transition into a friendship or you're not having sex with him, because I think that's confusing and that muddies the waters.

We're not having sex, we haven't had sex, and like you're yeah, I.

Mean, if it's okay to be friends with him. But you know, sometimes when we have somebody old in our life, it kind of prevents us from moving on to the new person. So I don't know if that's happening, but it sounds like what you're describing is pretty stale.

And I'm thinking, like when you said, you're forty six, and you're already looking at a time where you get old and all down.

You have, you are still so young.

There's a forty seven. I'm don't fight my jam up, Like, what are you talking about? Forty is the new twenty five? Like it doesn't matter?

Yeah, yeah, No. The whole point of that was, so we do.

He has some stomach issues and he was in the hot I didn't get a call for three days.

So that's the story there.

It's like we are getting older and like these are things I should be thinking about.

But don't.

I disagree. You're sick? Why do you have to think about that?

Yeah, men are going south before women too, So don't hook up with the guy thinking he's taking care of you, because you were definitely taking care of him before he takes care of you.

You know what I mean? You got to look out for you go younger yes.

Yeah, genius.

Yeah, it's go younger. And also you want your vibration here, not settling. Like vibration when you settle it just is like olymp biscuit.

Yeah, hire a nanny to babysit you when you get older, you know what I mean.

Don't get married.

I would rather pay somebody to take care of me in my life dying days than have any fucking child or niece or nephew. And my nieces and nephews love me and they would take care of me, but I would rather pay somebody to do it so that when I say, get me a velvetere on the rocks with a splash of fucking soda on my deathbed, they're going to do that.

Chelsea, Can I tell you where you can do that? Really? Well?

My sister works an elder law and she said that what a lot of people are doing these days is rather than going into assisted living, which is like ten grand a month, they just go on cruises, cruise after cruise after cruise, because there's more doctors per capita on a cruise than at the nursing home.

Yeah, but saying you have to go on a fucking cruise, captine, Fuck I'm not doing that. I would go on a limited edition cruise, like there has to be less than fifty people, and then I'll go great, and I have to be able to throw each one of them overboard. But anyway, you're fucking forty six, You're not. Everything's great, have yeah.

Yeah, But can I ask you a question, Chelsea?

So I know you really love your alone time, and I really identified with that. My kid went back to school and I had the best day yesterday just by myself. And so do you ever think about in that situation being very comfortable?

Are you too comfortable? Or like, do you think that you should?

You don't figure you don't need to overanalyze yourself. Whatever feels good to you is the right thing. We are all. We live in a society where it's a good thing to like have introspection. But you don't have to be overly analytical about every little move you make. There's no such thing as I spend too much time AMers. The other night, I went to bed at five nineteen pm. Okay, anyone else would be like, are you depressed? I don't give a fuck. I wanted. All I could think about

And also it's okay if that changes.

Yes, as as it does. It changes all the time, So whatever you're feeling is never gonna last forever. Like you know, you're just in this mood right now, and then you're gonna get out of that mood. But I would say, you know, take a little separation from that guy and his stomach.

Yeah.

My one question I think is why it's been such a slow burn for you to make the change. Like it's been like a year and a half of this relationship dissolving and no sex, and you know you're still wondering, like do I give it two more years?

What is that there?

Like everybody know that's a big silent gap. We're just all waiting and while you figure out what your answer is mm hmm.

The answer is I'm not waiting. I just this situation is here.

I've moved on with my life and I think that I need to put a cap on that relationship and say like, look, we had a good run.

And you know, is he gonna feel the same way? Just how does he feel he knows about this call? Like he's caring.

Oh you know your answer, and we all know you know your answer. You just wanted to tell you what to do, but you know what to do. You just said it. We didn't have to say anything. You just wanted someone else to tell you. We want to cap that off.

Yeah, yeah, right, I think you should write Dad, I should like, you should write that on your refrigerator. Who cares? And that is applied to you? And what anyone else might that possibly think of? You start with that mantra every single day.

I love it.

Yeah, yeah, you have a whole world, Like you're gonna have a lot of men in your life. We just sometimes have to clean out the garbage in our lives. And not that you know any person is garbage, That's not what I'm saying. It's just some people aren't adding to our value, and some people are only there for a short period of time and in your case, a long period of time. But it's time to dust out those cobwebs and get going with the rest of your life.

Yeah, this could be such an exciting time for you.

Yeah.

I actually it just became a grown up and you just found yourself. Yeah, it's gonna be a good time.

I have a couple of people have hit me up over the past year that I just haven't been ready to date.

But yeah, you know, do it.

Yeah, I like being by myself right now, I gotta then.

Don't do it now.

You don't have to move in with them right away right now, I don't want to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go with the flow. I remember once I was hanging out with this group of people. This is a long time ago, and I remember looking around going this isn't going to cut it. These people are not going to cut it. I'm too cool to be in this group. And you have to remember that about yourself. When you're too cool for a situation, go and find people that are on your vibe, not people that are on your like lower than your totally.

Yeah.

And if I could go back and dry hump people, I would just dry hump like I would if I were you. I would just dry hump and make out with them. It would just send them thank you for the night and move on.

I love that advice.

Try hamp is all that bad. Actually, dry humping is going to probably make a comeback at some point.

It's ly fun.

Yeah, yeah, because you could actually a woman could come or climax from dry humping. Yeah, and to go yeah or monkey a set of monkey bars.

I can't believe you put that in your book, by the way, because like I think every woman was like, that's okay that we did that.

What were oh yeah you girls. I used to master over my pants when it was called the feeling when I was growing up. I was so excited. I had no idea because I didn't think you would never touch your Pikachu directly. It would be over the jeans. But if the seam of the jeans were the right seam, a fixed seam, you could make yourself come even faster.

I hate that, for you.

I hated that my brothers knew that I was jerking off.

Very common, it's very common.

Of course, it is, of course it is. I mean, yeah, they're jerking off.

Yeah, you know the show Young Sheldon. I want Young chel Oh.

Yeah, I know I need to make an I know we were working on that once. Anyway, did you get your advice that you came here for?

I did?

I love you so much?

Okay, ditching him?

All right? Good? Well, when you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever you're in too obviously men right now, but that can always change. Also, be open minded and when you're in a new situation and you're feeling really positive about your life, please send us a line and let us know.

Yes, of course we'll do Hi. Thanks ladies.

Oh my god, didn't you even take a break for dinner?

No, what a productive call that was. That was great, she needs. Isn't it funny that you can just talk to someone and you can feel their energy just by talking to them, like if it's high or low. I wish that was more like measurable. You know, when people talk about energy. I wish somebody could say, oh, you're at an eighty, so that people would take it more seriously, because like, the high vibes are so important, and there

Yeah, you should have like a little thing above our head that says like, well, like a halo, yeah thing.

Yeah.

I have one more quick question from Brittany. Brittany Britney spears a.

Spellbo so maybe not a little different.

Dear Chelsea, I have a situation I've been wrestling with for about a year. I'm thirty six years old and never wanted kids until this last year. I married my husband last year and we've been together for eight years total. I really love him. We mostly have a great relationship. We have three cats we adore. But the thing is he does not want to have kids. We always agreed about this until a year ago. I kept thinking that the desire to have kids would just be a phase

So the husband decided he didn't want to have kids.

I think neither of him did. And then she just like changed her mind.

Oh okay, and hit her and she just she felt like she was maternal and she needed to have a baby.

Oh wow.

If she really has to decide what does she want more him or the baby, because she actually doesn't.

She doesn't need him to make the baby. No, she could do it alone.

But she doesn't need to find another partner to have a baby either. If they did fizzle, like if they broke up, like she can't have a baby on her own.

Yeah.

Yeah, but that's not gonna make her feel good. She wants to have a husband and that baby. Yeah, so you guys are parents, so you need to handle this.

It's happened to a lot of our friends actually, and they broke up with the partner to have the baby. Because you're gonna end up if you can't let it go. You're gonna hate them, You're gonna resent them that they never did it, and you will just find problems even if there isn't a problem, you'll create problems. So it's rather be honest and be like, I've changed my mind, and maybe he doesn't know how. She's nervous to say I really really want this, this is what he might

Yeah, like maybe eight years ago when they started together, they totally agreed on that, but he really wasn't as like, he wasn't as determined to not have them as she was.

Now she's changed her mind. Who knows, maybe he has too.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I don't know.

Oh God, my husband did a one a third really and it was a big conversation, and.

I was like, that's different.

I know, but I was a very big conversation. I think for some people we have to be like this is this is so important to me. I don't know if I can keep being with you if I can't do this, And then he might be like I never knew.

Let's maybe let's talk about it. I think about what we're gonna do here.

Yeah, it's so much more than do I leave him or do I get a baby? Because she might not even be able to have a baby. You know, like there's so many ex factors. It's so hard to say leave them and go get a new partner and a baby. Maybe there's wiggle room in two years.

Or you know, if she's.

Freezing his eggs, does he not know something's coming up? Or is she doing it in secret?

Well, she's freezing her eggs. Yeah, I think you should know.

Well, man don't have eggs. FYI, I did you know that? I mean her her egg Yeah, and she may be doing it alone. It's expensive to do that too, yeah, Canada it is.

Yeah.

I think you have to be like, if you really are thinking about this, a you have to wanted to have that baby one hundred and fifty percent. You have to be committed to that. And if you are that committed to that baby and that's more important to you than your husband is right now, then yeah, you've got to leave him and go pursue that. But I mean you have to really know that you want to do that,

You know, Yeah, did you have like a whoopsie, like you know, get unofficially inciminated and then be like, oh my no bad.

Well yeah, but also we're also married. Yeah, I mean I'm not against that, like.

Them into a baby, Okay we did?

Okay, Well that's yeah, that's your advice. What's her name name?

I think that's a good idea. That's just that I would do that.

Yeah, if I was a manipulative person, that was something I would think about.

Or just you know, is that how you wand up with baby number three?

No?

Locked them in? You know, wrap my legs, you're not leaving Squeeze.

Well, let's take a quick break and we'll come back to wrap up with caten At and Chelsea, and we're back.

We're back.

Well, Caten, this is the part of the show. I want to know if you'd like any advice from Chelsea.

Well, we have an ongoing argument that maybe the two of you and Chelsea could settle for us. We have an argument on whether of you and Chelsea. Yeah, whatever, you know, I'm saying, Okay, I think.

We just we've never really agreed.

I don't know if we have a misunderstanding and we actually have to show each other what we mean. But I take soap and I wash underneath and all over my vagina, like I actually take the soap in my hands, and not in like not in the hole of course, not the hole in the oven, in like, all underneath. And she says that you shouldn't put she read, and you don't put soap there because it's self.

Inside, not in the hole in the lip.

Yes, all in this in the list. And I don't think you're I'm pretty rough. When I wash my beaver in the shower, that's obviously the first spot I liked it, but I don't put the soap bar like I guess I probably do with something similar. I do know that you're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to put soap inside the lips any of that. Your vagina is a self cleaning mechanism. It means itself. Yes, are you serious? Yeah, so you've been raped soap around it,

If you're not getting any East infections, you're probably doing it fine.

Yeah right, Yeah, everything's been fine so far. I just like all dark moist places need to be. I also have ibs, so that would be different. You know ibs down there.

You do definitely stuck my finger in my butthole to wash it. Really, Yeah, if there's a situation that needs cleansing.

Yeah, inside the hole.

Yeah, just to make sure like everything's there that is supposed to be there and nothing extra. Great. Yeah, only when I've had an incident.

Oh my gosh, if I even go anywhere near that thing, it's just gonna be a disaster.

Really with soap, I mean, don't you want it to be cleaned your butthole?

You can't have any butt play whatsoever.

Her bowels live on the whole, like you know.

I saw a video the other day about anal sex and it says when men go into other men there's three sphincter holes. I had learned that there were two sphincter holes. So when you have anal sex, there's one entryway and then there's a second entryway, and if they're really well endowed, there is a third entryway. But I think that's only applicable for men because they have a scrotum and we do not, so, but for us, there are two anal entries one and then boom boom, depending

I think she has one, and that's the problem because I feel like it just drops and with like where we have to run the red like there's no time.

It's like where she's sh pants or like I have a birth effect. And my mom never told me I only have one laveryway.

Ye should not travel with a thermoss in case you need to take a shy in it. Okay, Well, on that note, you guys, I just want to thank you guys for being here all the way from Canada. I can't wait to see you guys again in person. I hope that happens sooner than later. Thank you for being on the podcast. You were very entertaining.

Thank you so much for having us. It was so nice to meet you, Catherine. I can't wait to see you guys again.

I'm your biggest fan now, yay.

Thank you guys, really truly have a great day.

Bye bye, And for those of you who haven't seen my special on Netflix, it's out. Revolution is out and it's streaming, and I am announcing a new tour called the Little Big Bitch Tour. I am starting again in April. I announced a bunch of cities, so it's on my Instagram and my website and whatever. But yes, I'm going back on the road in four months, amazing or whatever. I have a whole new show and a whole new thing and I'm gonna go to our again.

You're just a busy woman, I am.

I am. There's a lot going on.

So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.

Dear Chelsea is.

A production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.