Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Hi, I'm straight off of Texas. I just got from home from Texas and you actually had fun. It seems like we had a great time. That Texas crowds were amazing, Houston.
Dallas, Austin. It was really fun.
I had Yaminika was my special guest this weekend. She's fucking crazy. We're gonna have her on the podcast. She is crazy. She should be a mental institution, which is why I'm going to stay very close by her side.
I'm so glad.
Dylan Mlvani was telling me that we ran into her.
We ran into Francis Tfo, the tennis player who I love, who's such a great tennis player. We ran into my cousins, friends everywhere. It was a real fun weekend in Texas. I had a lot of tacos, but only one decent one. We stopped at Bucky's. We have course, didn't travel with any drugs there that would be illegal.
Oh but they have drugs there now. They have Delta nine.
Oh what does that?
That's that?
You know?
I feel like it's like uzu.
For you know, when they don't have real alcohol at restaurants and they have uzu.
That's what I feel like deltonne is I'm not really sure what Dalton nine is.
Actually, it's like cannabis, like if it's legal in Texas, it's not.
I can't be real.
Is it like you get it from a gas station sort of thing two from the nineties or that.
I don't know where you get it from, I mean the pseudo fed Maybe I'm not sure. I'm not the person to ask. I mean my study of cannabis has like kind of taken.
A back seat. Yeah, you use the real stuff. But and then I was just dealing with Yaminika.
I mean really, yeah, you know, she's a mess, and she wants she's horny. She's horny all the time. She loves to get action all the time. And I felt like if she didn't get it from a man, she was gonna come to me, do you know what I mean? And I was like, like we were it was getting very physical, and I was like, listen, I'm not the one.
Can you provide?
No, no, no, I can't. I'm not going down on anybody. So that's what she was specifically looking for, Okay, and then she stays at these terrible motels or hotels to get points. I don't know where the points are going or how you could even accumulate points at these places, but whatever.
I mean, if you stay at a terrible motel to get points, you can just get more stays at a terrible motel.
I guess so, yeah, I guess so.
But we had a great time and then we came home, and now we're home and then I'm shooting my I'm shooting my special this weekend.
Yeah, you're going next home?
Yes, yes, great, I am so, I'm going to a new wave here seek and Doug flipped out.
You know, it was funny.
I was in the car on the way home from the airport and watching Instagram and there was this video of this dog. It was in New Finland, so it wasn't Doug like a chow, but New Finland black Newfoinlands look a lot like Doug.
And the dog had the zoomies when his mom.
It was a video called Mama's Mama's Home and he the dog went nuts and nuts and nuts. And I literally walked in the door and that's exactly what Doug did. So it was like life imitating art.
That's incredible. Yeah, yeah, he went nuts.
I mean he was airborne a couple of times, just jumping over things.
So that was exciting.
It's nice to have a man who was just like, so excited to see you.
And also when I don't put the pressure on the relationship with Doug, when I'm not like, of course, I'm all over him and I want, you know, to be with him, inside of him. But when I don't put the pressure on it and I let him do his thing, he is actually much more. Like he came into bed twice the night before last, and last night he came into bed and that was so sweet, Like I didn't ask him to, he just hopped up and wanted to cuddle.
I love that.
That's very sweet.
I feel like Chow personalities are a little more cat like. Yeah, they're like them alone, they come to you.
Yeah, you have to leave them alone.
And you know, I didn't learn that lesson with Burton Bernice, but I'm learning it with Doug.
Yeah. Well, this says I'm excited about our guest today.
She's responsible for catastrophe Bad Sisters. Bad Sisters is in season two on Apple right now, so please give a warm welcome to Sharon Horgan.
Who's a lucky duckling. Today we are me.
Oh my god, where are you? You look like you're It's such a nicely designed studio.
Room in a Where are you in it?
Carlton?
It smells like a ritz Carlton from where I sit.
Yeah, it really does. It's thirty seventh floors up, which means your soup's cold when he gets here.
Sharon, Are you drinking a cocktail at eleven in the morning or where are you?
I wish I was as soon as I finished this.
Well, first of all, I would always recommend having a cocktail when talking to me. But I was on a plane yesterday at like nine am and they this guy next to me ordered a bourbon and coke and I almost threw up in my mouth. I was like, why does it have to be a bourbon and coke at nine o'clock in the morning.
That's not one of the designated breakfast drinks, you know, because exactly right, Memosa is a breakfast drink. Acceptable. Let me marry is a breakfast drink if you could drink of bourbon. Breakfast is Christmas Day when old drinks are old drinks are legal.
Yeah, Sharon, speaking of early morning drinking, I mean you are Irish and isn't that where.
Early morning drinking began in Ireland?
I think so that's what the scriptures say, the ancient ones. We're very we are very good at drinking. I quit for nearly three years, though, so that was a weird sort of landscape to be in. Whenever I go back home, that was an odd one.
Why did you quit for three years?
Why? No, there was a good reason, I tell I'll tell you why. It was at the end of COVID and every everyone's drinking had just gotten out of control.
I think, I know, but three years is a long commitment.
I know. I had, like in fairness, I had like if someone got married, I'd have a glass of champagne and drink like half of it. I suddenly just became freaked out that I wasn't like if I had a drink then I'd sort of get professional again. And we were just partying all through COVID, and one night I was this is sounds so middle class. I was shocking oysters, and I put the thing with the shukka through my hand. It's not the scar and I was just like, oh
fuck it, and I'm carried on with the knives. I woke up the next morning and I couldn't move my hand. There was a little of my pillow, and I went to hospital. I thought I should probably just like CHILLNKH, just chill out for a bit and then and then, you know, the way if you're someone who is a bit you know, I just got really into it. I got really into not drinking, the way people who like to drink get into drinking. So I found that I
was really good at it. And then, you know, I guess the novelty wore off a little bit.
Yeah, I think everything's good to experiment with for a few years here and a few years there, sobriety included.
I like it sometimes.
I mean sometimes I feel like I think everyone had a very similar experience in COVID unless you were sober and your and your sobriety was probably challenged or threatened.
But yeah, I mean, there wasn't much going on.
I took lots and lots of drugs, mushrooms, edibles. Throughout my COVID experience. I went to heights I had never seen before.
I just wanted to see it.
At a certain point, like I just started experimenting with my own body. I'm like, what can I handle? Like I felt like a mac truck. I'm like, can anything take me down? But I want to make sure everyone listening. That's not for everyone, that's just for me. So, Sharon, I first caught wind of view in a big way with Catastrophe, which is still to this day. You and Rob Delaney in that show was so fucking funny. Every scene in that show was so ridiculous and so well written.
I was like, who is this woman? And I wanted I have to do something with you. At some point, you have to put me in one of your shows because I just want to hang out and be stupid.
Yes, please do but and then she chops that off.
Hang on, didn't we ask you to be Rob sister? I think we did in Catastrophe? Im No, I don't know, not that I know about it. I think so, well, next offer you, I just switched agents.
That's probably why. Next time you have something for me, go to wm ME. They'll let me know.
All right, we'll do.
But after that I saw the next time I was so you left that show.
Sorry.
How many seasons was catastroph.
We did four, which is a lot for the UK.
Yeah, and it felt like you could have done more. But probably wise to leave before.
Right, Yeah, I think that sort of stage of having kids, we sort of felt like we'd done it, you know, we'd said everything we wanted to say about that particular era of having young children. But like maybe we always sort of talked about down the line, whether teenagers or something, we might revisit it. It's different now, though, I think we'd both feel a bit like, oh shit, what do we do? I'd rather write something new with him because we had such a great time.
I know, I knew could get together. It was such an unusual.
Show for that time because it was very unique idea about these two people just hooking up, not knowing each other and getting pregnant and then staying together, which is just so crazy to even think about doing. But your chemistry together, you should definitely be doing more stuff together.
It's so fun to watch as if you were.
And as a comedian, you know, I don't find many things funny because I'm I guess I don't know why that is.
I get it.
I mean, we were obsessive about the amount of jokes that had to be in it. We were quite we had really strong opinions about how many jokes there had to be in her page, and I think my sitcom background was funny, really funny sitcom, and Rob's background was stand up and you know, he's just a naturally one of the funniest people you could ever meet. So we would sort of read it out all the time, and if it didn't feel like there was a high level of jokes through about sort of we would get panicky.
And it was kind of the first one of the first things we thought about. I mean character obviously, but then it was just jokes.
I feel like true comedians just care more about the comedy and then the character comes after and if there's enough, like I know, that's the opposite way of professionally like as any writer would look at anything, they're always like, no, this character wouldn't do. I'm like, but it's not funny. Let's make it fucking funny. That's what the relief is for viewers to really be laughing at something, you know, at the absurdity.
You left that show. You guys were done with that.
So for those of you who have not seen it, Bad Sisters is out season two, but please watch season one first, because this show talk about original concepts and talk about great characters. I mean, I'm from a big family. I know, Sharon, you're from a big family as well. I love nothing more than sisters. I have two sisters. Whenever I we have sisters call into the show with problems, I am so sister positive. And this show is so fucking funny because there are five sisters five or four four.
Five five all together?
Yeah, five sisters altogether, Okay, five sisters who are all very different, who all and they have one sister who has a total douchebag for a husband. And this guy plays this role to a tea. I mean, he is repugnant. He like you, you are your vagina closes when you watch him.
It's amazing. It's amazing because he's a handsome mom. Like he's a you know, tall, dark, handsome mom, but he is he absolutely does close your I know, like as same as.
Because totally the sisters are all plotting together to figure out a way to get their sister away from this man. And then it becomes and it's also set in Ireland, so it's so beautiful to see and so refreshing to see another backdrop like that. Just even the architecture and your houses and the design.
Of being in a different country.
It's just so refreshing from American television, you know, and our an American La La Land. Our new fad, which I'm sure you're very well aware of, is everything needs this gorgeous backdrop, you know, it's that got to be like a white lotus or perfect couple, like everything's in Nantucket and it's like, I don't like that. That's not relatable at all. It's very real and gritty. As what I'm saying, it.
Is real, and I guess you know, there's an aspirational element to it and that you know, people want to be part of a big family, and there's sort of a wish fulfillment that comes with deciding that you'll kill someone That awful plenty to sort of look at and enjoy.
But we always thought it has to look real, like the women have to look real in it, because if it's not real, and if people don't believe this setup and these women and their connection, they're not going to get behind them in the same way you kind of had to get behind them every episode they tried to kill them, so in order to sort of make that conceit work and to really feel like you were behind killing a man, I think it had to be truthful as much as.
Possible, which is something I've always dreamt of doing with my own family group, you know, picking one of our like my sibling spouses and just getting rid of them forever. Like that sounds like it's such a how did you come up with that concept?
Oh? Well, I can't. I can't take credit for that. So it's based on a Belgian series called Clam, which was a marvelous same conceit. I mean, it was completely different execution that it was way crazier, Like there was a lot more murders than a lot like you know, collateral damage, whereas I was kind of really interested in the emotional side of it, you know, and the impact that being in that kind of abiece of relationship would
have on Grace and on the sisters. And they hired hit men and dead bodies ended up in dog food sort of factories, and you know it. It was kind of ott. But the central conceit of these five sisters and their bond and one of them being married to a prick, and just like, we've got to save her before we lose her entirely that that already existed, So I was really lucky to get that. For the second season, I had to think it up myself.
Yeah, exactly, So how did you tackle that?
I suppose I was really interested in what would happen next, Like the end of the first season, I loved, you know, great, he's dead and they're back together and they saved her and she jumps into the water into the forty foot with and it was lovely, but it was also kind of a fairy tale, I guess, fairy tale ending for her, And I think the idea of what would really happen and how someone is as good as Grace would be able to just get on with their life after that,
like how the guilt with eat her up. And also, you know, someone like that who would have isoolated herself for all those years and sort of would try and hide the kind of relationship she was in and how abusive it was, wouldn't be very good at like going to her sisters then and opening up if something, if
something else terrible happened. So so yeah, I just actually felt it was closer to the kind of things I used to write, you know, Like I loved writing the first season and the thriller and the Caper and all that, but actually the real true fallout of being in a situation like that, I found kind of easier, you know, naturally, kind of easier to dig into.
It's also great that you write all your stuff and then you star in your own stuff and you're a fifty four year old w I would like to say, so, I grew up in this industry when I was coming up. I'm going to be fifty next year, when I grew up. Every when I grew up, but when I was coming up and all my actress friends were I had one specific actress friend who was like, everyone becomes invisible when they're forty, Like you are no longer valuable, You will
no longer be looked at the same way. And I always thought, no, that can't be true, Like that depends where your value was coming from.
I had thought exactly the same thing. I thought exactly the same thing. I remember my agent taking me out for lunch on one of the visits to LA I used to make lots of pilots and nothing got picked up, and I started getting more and more like panicky. And I remember taking out for luncheon. I think I was only like early forties Max, and I was like this is we got with the time because very soon no one's gonna want to see this. But I think that
must have been what I was seeing around me. You know, there was that huge jump where women just sort of disap heed until they were you know, Judy Dunch or Maggie Smith or it kind of felt like you could be up to a certain age where you were acceptable and then you kind of had to just fuck off for a bit and then you can come back when you're a crone. And so I guess that's all I say nervous about. But I mean, that's not entirety change, but it is. I think it's changed a lot, and I think it changed.
I think, especially when we consider like where we are politically right now. The reason why men are so you know, so scared of female empowerment and female success is because it threat you know, that's threatening to them, right because we wouldn't be at this moment if they didn't really see women succeeding in ways that we hadn't been before.
We obviously have way more work to do, but.
It is it is a threat to this male white supremacy idea that so many females are in charge of their own lives, that are single, that are business women, that are creatives, and in all sorts of areas of business, not just Hollywood so exactly.
I mean, when it comes down to it comes down to commerce all the time, doesn't it. And there was definitely their their cava point where you just couldn't deny the fact that female content, whether it was created by or written or starring was was getting watched by not just a specific demographic of women of a certain age. You know, I had this wide audience and somebody comes once it, Once it comes down to that, I think they have to sort of believe it.
Yeah, and women there's more women than men, and women buy. I spend more money than men, and.
We live longer spending it for me.
Because we're happier once the men are gone.
We can live even longer because it's less stressful for anyone who's married.
You're not married though, right, you're divorced.
I I don't. Yeah, I got I got my graduate boards, I got my uh, I forget what it's called decree absolute yesterday.
Wow, thank you. You deserve a party. I know I am going to party tonight. I have good boyfriend there and that's lovely, but it took so long. I mean COVID came in the middle of it all and all sorts of shit, but it just came through. Yes, I was sitting in a cab and it came through and it was just such a nickel kidman moment.
Yeah, underful, totally. How long were you married for? How many years?
I can't remember. No, I think fifteen or something fifteen a while.
And you have two children?
Yes, yeah, I have two amazing girls. I've got a twenty one year old daughter and a sixteen year.
Old Oh nice. Oh that's nice. And they're even almost cooked.
Yeah it's handy now, yeah, they can look after each other. Yeah, it's great.
I would suppose it's meaningful for you to be able to go and shoot in Ireland, right.
It's huge. I mean it's something I was looking to do for years. You know. I left Onland when I was really young, like twenty, and it took so long for me to get my career off the ground. But when I did start filming, but it'd start start writing my own stuff. It was just something I was slightly obsessed with doing, like getting back there and filming something at some point. But it took a long time, like it took until I was fifty to find the thing
that that would be. But Bad Sisters happened to be the perfect thing because it really studed harden because we all have big families. No one used any precautions. Everything kind of made sense in terms of setting it there. But yeah, I was thrilled.
And so when you let's go back to that.
I like to think this will be very important for our listeners since they're all women about your success. You were talking to you when you're talking to your agent and your forties, like, okay, time is sticking.
Let's go.
What when did you first experience your big first success.
My big first break I think was when I got my first sitcom made. I mean before that, I was doing, you know, writing for a bit for radio and doing like some sketch comedy and that kind of thing. But I think I was thirty eight.
I love that I didn't get successful until I was thirty twoish. It was when I really started to like people started to know who I was.
But many years led up to that.
But people call into this show all the time thinking and being and these are twenty year old girls worried about when they're going to realize what their passion is.
It's like, oh my god, oh listen, it frustrates me so much. But it's the same even with my own daughter, just seeing her, my eldest girl, like stressing out about not knowing what she wants. And I was like Jesus, I was working as a chamber made a bar made a waitress, working in a job center, selling bonds, selling powershowers. I did all of that right the way through my twenties into my early thirties before I figured out if I really try, then I can probably do this thing
that might make me happy. But yeah, I remember someone saying to me when I was in my late twenties, saying, very very straight and truthfully, going, if you haven't made it by the time of twenty six year, make it. And I was terrified at hearing this piece of wisdom because I was like, well, I'm screwed them. But well, you know, I there's a part of me that kind of things. I wish i'd pushed myself a little harder,
you know. I wish I'd sort of had the confidence to step out and try and make it happen sooner. But at the same time. I'm really grateful for everything now, like everything is a bonus, you know. And also I had so much more to write about. There was so much like living in low level accommodation, not having a part to piss in all those terrible jobs like otherwise. I don't know. I just feel like I feel like it so rooted me and gave me something real to
write about and to draw on. So I should be grateful for that.
Yeah, And I think there's so much more of a groundedness that comes with success later in life, not prematurely. I mean we see what have and when people become successful prematurely, that's not a recipe for anything positive.
I mean they're ruined, an't they they? I Mean, I know there's exceptions, but for the most part, Yeah, they're weirdos.
Yeah they are.
And I mean I always look back at my twenties and I like when anyone calls in from their twenties, I was like, I drank slept with me. My whole twenties was just craziness and crazy behavior, and thank goodness, like I had all those experiences the same thing. That's where I got all my stories from, you know, that's wheah. I started writing books and started doing stand up and started learning about storytelling and what makes a good story,
you know, and all of those things are invaluable. So it's like, I know, we're always eager to get to the success part of our lives, but part of the road, you know, the road getting there. And this always sounds annoying coming from an older person, I know, but it is the ride. It's the ride to get where you're going that gives you all of the juice so that when you get where you're going, you have tons of fucking material.
Exactly. That's it, exactly. I mean my twenties were gross. They smelt, they actually smelt.
On that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Sharon Horgan. And we're back with Sharon Horgan. Okay, Sharon, we're taking some questions from callers.
Okay, are you ready for this?
Yeah?
I am.
Wow.
We have a very sister centric, almost exclusively a sister centric episode today in real life.
Sharon, I need to know how many sisters do you have.
I've got two sisters, two brothers. My sister's one younger, one older, and what number are you out of the five I'm the second eldest.
Okay, all right, Well, before we go into questions, there was something that we wanted to get talking about. What's the craziest thing you've ever done for your sisters, A time you covered for a sister, or the most outrageous thing you did to protect a sister.
I asked, my sister, is that this morning?
I just flew in from Raleigh, North Carolina, where I saw Pink last night, and I was I knew we were going to talk to Sharon about and so I texted my sisters and they reminded me. I'm the youngest of six kids, and my sister was getting divorced and I was going on Safari and there were five of us, I think, and we had room for one more. And I was like, oh, Simon, you should come with us on safari. She's like Africa. Two weeks she was moving into her new house. She got a divorce, so I
bought her a house. I want to just throw that out there, which I would do again in a heartbeat, and which I also ended up biting her in the ass because the house.
She's like, I don't need a house like this.
This is too stupid and too big, and she's like, and now I have to live in some house you.
Designated for me. So yeah, I think twice when you're buying homes for people. But anyway, I said, come.
To Africa and she's like, okay, Chelsea, but I have to be home by August fifteenth because we're moving into the new house. And I was like, no problem. The trip was going to go to August twentieth. But I just was like whatever, I'll just get her movers. She doesn't know what, you know, she doesn't have to go
back for the move. But when she got there, she assumed, like you know that I had gotten her ticket to come home on August fifteenth, and I was like, I just went along with it until it was like August fourteenth, and I was like, by the way, you're actually not going home tomorrow.
You're going home on the twentieth.
And she's like, Chelsea, this is exactly why I don't trust you, Like you can't just this is not based on your desires to be around me. I have a responsibility. I have to move my three children into a new fucking house. I'm like, please, we'll hire movers for you. We'll make your ex do it. That's the least he could do. He's the reason for this divorce. And so she didn't want to stay. She wanted to be responsible.
She had her three children. I convinced her. I was like, it won't be the same if you leave, Like we're in Botswana, Like, when are we going to come back here? This is the trip of a lifetime, And I said. I called my brother in law, my ex brother in law, and I was like, you have to step up. This is you're going to have to move them into the house that they're moving to get away from you. I
was like, that's your responsibility. But she never forgave me, and she doesn't trust me now on making any travel plans because she thinks I'm only out for myself and that I can't be trusted.
And she's not wrong. I'm totally out for myself.
Was it was the rest of the holiday? Good? Was it worth? The right time?
We had a blast. I mean, she had the time of her life.
And I'm like, you can't come to Africa for eight days when you could stay for fourteen days?
You know what I mean, We're in Africa. When are we coming back to Africa?
Turns out we went back like two years later, but who knew then what was going to happen. So, yeah, so that was an extra outrageous thing that I've done for my sisters.
What's the most outrageous thing you've done for your sister?
Like?
Nothing? Nothing? Oh my IY was thinking, I'm sure, pretty sure I held her hair the way when they vomited. But like, so, you know, I don't have I mean nothing, I've got no big story like that. That's extraordinary. Thank you, thoughs thank you. I didn't even know what to say to that. I mean, it doesn't sound like you were doing it for.
Her, No, it doesn't, it does it.
I always think I'm going in for these things in an altruistic way, and it turns out I'm only trying to serve. I'm trying to service myself.
So Alison says, Dear Chelsea, I've had a complicated relationship with my sister all my life. She's two and a half years older than me, and for the most part, we didn't see eye to eye until about fourteen years ago, when her life fell apart and she moved to the city where I live to start over. It was then that she seemed to make family a priority. And get into a better place in her own life. She met someone and ended up getting married. She and her wife
relocated to another state and began fostering children. Over the last few years, they adopted four children, who are now all under the age of five. Over the years, she continued to take on more and more with her wife's family, her job, each adopted kid, and even additional foster care. Our family kept warning her that she was doing too much, and then a couple of months ago, she called to tell me her marriage was over. She had not been happy for the last couple of years, and she rekindled
a romance with an ex who cheated on her. She's now trying to expedite a divorce and move in with her ex. She plans to move straight into her house. I'm so disappointed on so many levels with her. She worked so hard to build this family and now she's just throwing it all away. She's digging in her heels, which is probably why we didn't get along for many years, and treating her wife, my sister in law, like trash. To make matters worse, she has a drinking problem and
has even begun taking amphetamines lately to lose weight. I'm at a total loss. Should I just let her destroy herself in her life or try an intervention? I'm grateful to be communicating with my soon to be ex sister in law so I can maintain a relationship with the kids.
Should I just leave it at that?
Alison? Oh my god?
What a hot mess?
Hi Allison, Hi, Hi, this is our special guest, Sharon Horgan.
Hi.
Share, nice to meet you. Y Wow, that's a loss.
It is feels pretty wreck when.
Where are all the kids? They're with her ex.
Yes, they're all, believe it or not, still under one roof. For the most part. They haven't legally separated. But right now my sister spends a lot of time with her new girlfriend.
And do you and your sister talk a lot anyway?
No?
Not for how long?
Well we were up until this happened. And then once I found out like how quickly she was moving, how fast she wanted to go straight into this new relationship. You know, how she wanted to force my sister in law to move to Texas because that's where her girlfriend is. You know, I just felt like.
Good luck with that, by the way, good luck with having your girlfriend in Texas.
So exactly.
Oh, she sounds pretty unstable in this moment.
That's very accurate.
And I think when people are in that kind of malstream of emotion like this, and they're using drugs and they're trying to lose weight, and they're newly in love and she just kind of ditched her family. Is she's spending time with her children at all?
She is, I mean when she's there, but now spending extended periods of time away, so she'll go for eight and twelve days to go stay with her girlfriend.
Feels like to me, your relationship with her ex and maintaining a relationship with all of her children is more of a priority than doing an intervention, because I feel like an intervention needs to happen at the last you know, like it's not going to be well received in this Yeah, she's not going to listen to you in this moment.
She's in love.
She's all over the map, and she's using amphetamines. Like, there's not a lot for you to grab on to you there right now, And I think it is paramount, right, do you want to maintain a relationship with her children and her ex probably could help with the support emotionally, And I would think you're better, your time would be better served focusing on them.
Absolutely. No, My sister in law has been very open. She understands that I've been, you know, critical of both of them. I don't think it was all my sister's fault, and I knew that they were both making really bad decisions along the way that led to this. But I just kept pleading with my sister, like, get therapy, do something first. Don't feel like this is the answer that's going to change your life, because we all know that it's not.
And but she was she always someone was your sister, always someone who like was very sort of steadfast in the idea of being right. Do you know what I mean? Is she that kind of a.
Press Yeah, I would say, because she came out in pretty early in life. She came out in eighth grade. And this was back in the eighties when it was not acceptable. I grew up in a very traditional Catholic family, and so you know, my parents didn't know what to do, and it was almost like, even back then, she dug her heels in, became very rebellious. You know, she wasn't going to listen to anyone, and pretty much ever since then, that's been her approach, like I'm going to make you accept me type.
Of right attitude. Yeah, this is all weirdly familiar to me my sisters. Okay, but you know in terms of someone's sort of moving on with something else and that being their absolute focus and deciding to themselves that this is the absolute right thing and this is what I should be doing and not really listening. So when you're kind of dealing with someone like that, it's sort of best to sort of get out of the way a little bit.
I would just save the intervention for when she's in a different place. Don't blow that right now, because she's not going to She's not going to hear you right now, So I think you should have waited out, maintain the relationship with the children, try and be there.
Are you in close proximity to those children.
Now.
I'm also in Texas, unfortunately, so.
I get out of there. First things. First, you should get out of Texas. I'm trying.
I'm actually I'm headed there this weekend. So it's funny I'm saying that because I'm doing a stand up there. I'm doing three shows in Texas, so I guess I'll bring my water gun for protection. Yeah, but yeah, I would just try and interfere with her life right now. I would focus on the kids and that maintenance and her ex and maintaining a relationship with her so that you have access to those children and that they have some stability, even if it's you face timing them or
doing family zooms once a week. Just figure out a way to like extend yourself to them during this time because it's probably really difficult on them too.
Absolutely, And at first, when my sister in law and I started talking, my sister became very angry, and of course she accused me of betraying her and things like that, and I don't know when she tried to force me not to talk to her, and I just said, look, that's not going to happen, like.
No, no, there shouldn't be like boundaries. But that's not helpful either. To not to speak to someone is not helpful.
The whole picking sides thing is like just a quogomire.
Can you spend any time with them? Can you go and spend time with them there?
Yeah, actually I'm going at Christmas. We just found out her dates when she's going to be gone, and so I'll go while she's not there.
Perfect, Okay, Well that's good.
Yeah, prioritize that in the meantime, okay, and then wait for an opportunity, you know, wait for a moment of vulnerability or a moment when her life really does get carried away.
You know.
But with people who are always defensive and want to be right, you know, they're as long as you're like arguing a point, you're in defense mode. Because if you're an open person, you can actually hear anything anyone says without being defensive. And so until she gets there, there's really nothing for you to do.
That's really true. Hey, what's your sister's new partner?
Like, I mean, I don't know. I haven't talked to that woman in okay, fourteen fifteen years since she broke up with my sister the first time. And like I said, the only thing I know about how that relationship ended was she cheated on my sister, And so I don't know what she's like now or what she's been doing all these years. But I just feel like I know
my sister needs therapy. She desperately needs to figure out what these demons are that have made her so unhappy even with you know, all the things that she's accomplished in life, and so running to someone else is not going to to make her suddenly happy or fulfill all her life dreams.
There is like something I'm sniffing out here too, with the willingness to sort of dive into this chaos, the drug use, the alcohol use, that like maybe there is some mental illness, Maybe there's some just like emotional dysregulation.
I don't know what else you can do about that other than to keep saying, like I love you, let's try therapy that sort of thing, because obviously throwing that at her is not super helpful, but just for you to maybe have kind of in the background of like maybe she's using this to sort of like help regulate some of this emotional cast that she's feeling.
Yeah yeah, and also just talking to you.
Obviously you're coming from a place of judgment, you know what I mean, You're disappointed in her choices and blah blah blah, and that's never helpful with that personality type. You know, you have to really come from a place of love and support, like I know what you can do, I know your potential, I know you're going to do the you can It's almost like you're flipping the script to try and make them believe in themselves a little
bit more, because people like that. You know, everything you're describing sounds like she is masking a lot of stuff. So as long as you can try and really not pass judgment on her behavior and rather be a support system for her and someone she feels safe coming to, so that you can kind of build that trust back up and hopefully that can lead to something.
It's obviously hard because I love my sister in law, and.
Yeah, I know it's your sister. I believe me. I'm so judgmental, but.
You know I care about the kids, and I have been divorced before, and I know what that does and how it tears families apart. So I did try to a little bit come from that angle of like, look, if you don't want to be married anymore, that's one thing, but like figure that out before you just go right into something new.
Absolutely, we'll keep us post it with whatever progress.
Is made, Okay, let us know.
All right, I will Okay, Thanks Allison, thank you, bye bye.
I can't believe people are still living in Texas, like a lot of them, Sharon, aren't you so happy?
You're not American.
I really am. You know, it's it's not great in London at the moment either, I mean, honestly, it's it's I mean, all over the world is a bit of a shit show. But Ireland. Ireland's not bad at the moment.
Oh, Ireland sounds like a great place. Are we moving possibly?
I mean, I just want to go to an island where there is not going to be any no one's cares, you know, some tropical place where no one's we're not going to be involved in any of all of the ship that's happening globally.
Yeah, maybe we could man make one, you.
Know, or or buy one together, one like pool our resources.
I am. I've talked to my friends about my female friends about this a lot, Like I think the feature is some kind of commune of.
These conversations I'm having all these conversations with my female friends. I mean, every different group of female friends says the same thing, like, why don't we all just pull our money together and you know, buy some property?
Yeah, or so Ireland, that's why not.
People are happy there, They're happy, they're drinking and happy.
When do you get to experiencing those things together?
Well, our next caller is Taylor.
She is thirty six.
Dear Chelsea, it is Taylor's sweet It is Taylor, she's thirty five.
Oh yeah, ooh, just got that tucked right away, Dear Chelsea. My sister and I were never close growing up, but became friends as adults. We now have lived in the same city for ten years, and over those years have felt like good friends.
We have sister dates without the.
Husbands, run errands together, and try our best to stay connected. Recently, I've felt a shift in our relationship. I've always been the one to initiate our hangouts. That never bothered me, as being the planner of the family has made me. That's been my self appointed role. I had a baby this year and have had less motivation and time to arrange hangouts. And now I don't hear from her sometimes
for weeks at a time. It's become very apparent to me that I was really the one driving the relationship. I'm afraid to talk to her about this. In the past, I've had to have a hard conversation with her about not wanting to babysit her dog anymore. He marked in the house. That conversation went pretty badly and she didn't speak to me for a month. I'm really feeling her absence, but I just can't get myself to address it with her.
Do I just accept that maybe things have changed and that's okay, Or do I need to get over myself and talk to her no matter what the outcome is, Chelsea, you have sisters, please help Taylor.
Hi, Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Chelsea, Hi, this is Sharon Horgan, our special guest today too.
What an honor fun you you have to you have to talk to your sister.
Actually, there's been an update and I apologize and coming from my car, I just loved an acupuncture appointment. So yeah, I sent that email of you months ago. And my sister and I've always had a very good, strong, loving relationship, but as sisters go, there's been ups and downs as we've gone through life. For honestly, it's just gotten so much better.
I'm gonna admit.
We never chatted about it directly, but my daughter turned one a few like a month ago, and a few months ago it's like she started reaching out and we started doing things, and so yeah, I don't know if it was just like the beginning of babies stuff and we needed some time or what. But you know, there's ebbs and flows to a sibling relationship. It's it's a lifetime relationship, right, So.
And when you have a baby, you're so you know, exposed and emotional and sensitive. It's the only time I've ever full in that with my sister. Yeah, and we had to do I mean, and it was it was It wasn't a long time for that, but it freaked me out because we're so tight. And in fact, I always felt like my female friendships are so important to me, but I would kind of sideline them a little because
my siblings were just everything. But I was very shit around about the time she had her second child, her daughter, and I just wasn't around. I think, I don't know what was happening, like marriage stuff and work stuff, but I was just not very present and I was just being a bit useless. And she was so hurt by it. You know, she really really felt it, and I was having a hard time herself. And it came to a point where like she she was like, I don't think I want to be around you at the moment, and
I was just like straight on the phone. We we hashed it all out and was really tricky, you know, because you kind of have to, you know, swallow a lot of pride and say a lot of sorries and and just own up to the fact that you were being a bit rubbish. But I'm so so glad, we I'm so babbidiced. It was scary. Scary when you think you'renna fall this sister. Yeah, your sister.
I mean, I can't imagine not having a sister, like she's my most one of my most important relationships. But yeah, to your point, I think so much changes when you have a baby, and there's a lot of raw emotion and you want this need to be like every all the women in my life stay close to me.
But at the same time, you are.
Busy and things are kind of falling apart and you're sleep deprived. So it was almost like we just needed a few months to kind of like find a new routine, and I feel like we've really gotten there.
And also, don't forget when you have a baby, you know how hormonal you are and how sensitive that person is, Like you're overly sensitized to everything, and every and a small like infraction can feel like a big one. And you know, so you have to like allow yourself that but for future if you guys have any issues, And this is to anyone who's listening, I don't believe there is any ego involved with your sisters. Like it's not like a friend where there's some sort of gamesmanship or
you don't know where the other person stands. You know at the end of the day that you love each other and that you have years and years of proof of that. So like, if you're feeling distant from her, there's nothing wrong with going I miss you, I need to see you. When am I going to see you? I love you, I miss my sissy. Whatever however you talk to each other, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure that probably would have put a big smile on her face too, you know, like, oh, you know, sometimes
you don't realize how much distance. I mean, my sister just crashed my weekend this weekend and she's like, you know, we haven't spent time together. She's like, you're always with Simoe, my other sister. She goes, you know, we haven't spent time together like this in months. You're you know, you see Simone all the time. And I was like, but she invited herself on the trip. She's like, I'm coming with you from Brooklyn. I was doing shows all weekend.
She's like, I'm coming to all shows and I'm sleeping in your hotel room with you. And I was like okay, And we had a great time.
Hopefully relate to all of that. I remember that feeling of being jealous when one sibling would spend more time
with than another, like sitting so hurt by it. And you know it's the circumstance for geographical reasons or whatever, but it's there's always like smaller allegiances within a bigger family anyway, you know, like the eldest and the youngest of a special thing, and like my brother's have a special dying and then as sisters and but yeah, god, I remember that terrible feeling of fomo, you know, feeling like you've been left. Yeah, some kind of sibling get together.
It's more fomo than jealousy, Like you're not really jealous of your siblings spending time together. We're all part of the family. Like I don't own them and they don't own me. But you know, my sister invaded my weekend. We had a great time. We slept in bed, together. We giggled our asses off, We had our cousin there and it was totally fun and great.
And that's how you have to act, you know, if.
You're feeling a little bit, it's not like somebody, it's not like you're in a romantic relationship and it's new and you have to tiptoe around them. Just be upfront and be like, I miss you, I want to see you, I need a bond.
And I think it's also as the planner, it's also okay to be like, I don't have the brain power to plan something right now, but I want to see you. Can you plan a little outing for us and like put the onus on her and have it move forward that way.
So, Chelsea, you're talking about having a trip with your sister, My sister and I and my daughter, we traveled down to see my grandmother. My sister and I stayed up one night talking to like one thirty in the morning, and we again we didn't like address like I miss you, but it was like, oh, this is like what we needed.
Since then, it's been really great, so so good.
I'm glad everything's improved, and have fun and you know, good times ahead, Good times ahead.
Only I told Catherine this, The world is very scary right now.
America is very scary right now.
So holding your family and your community and your friends like so close and really focusing on that kind of positive love that you get is like now.
What I'm focusing on.
So no matter what, I my sister's wonderful and she's empathetic and caring, and I'm like, I just have to, you know, we just had to like figure out our new relationship with the little baby involved.
Yeah.
Absolutely, And that is your fault for having a baby in the first place.
Take some responsibility. I really, why did I do this? One day you'll find out. But thanks for calling. You're yeah, thanks for calling. Have a great day. So nice to meet you.
By when they figure out their own problem, I know.
I love when we have callers that is like, oh, we were going to call in with this, but we've already figured it out.
I was way easier than the lost one.
Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to come back and wrap up with Sharon Horgan.
And we're back. We are back.
I have one more quickie if we want to, let's do a quickie to close it out.
We don't want to cut Sharon short of giving advice three times exactly exactly.
We don't want to take that is my advice? Is it?
Like?
No, it's good listen.
I think the most important advice anyone could give is being a good listener. And you're a good listener. So that's all. That's half the battle, you know what I mean? Actually care listening to people's problems, that's it's nice. Yeah, you know, it kind of takes everything away from yourself.
So I like this activity.
Yeah.
Well, our last question comes from Ariana. Ariana's subject line was how do I stop stressing that my baby's sister is pregnant? Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty seven year old living six hundred miles away from home. Fairly intentionally, I'm the eldest of three girls, and I definitely identify with the pros and cons of being the high achieving, controlling fixer of an oldest sister. My middle sister and I have been slowly growing closer as we've gotten older, which
brings me to my current problem. My twenty three year old sister has made a fetus with her twenty year old boyfriend. They've been together for about a year and are quote unquote definitely keeping it. And I'm holding so much stress about this. They've moved in with my parents, and I feel the stress and anxiety that caused me
to want to get out of there. I know that so many young moms find their way, and none of this is to say that she can't be a great mom, but I just don't believe two kids basically without jobs should have a baby. So how do I get over this? Thank you? Ariana?
First of all, this has very little to do with you.
So your control freak, your self identified control freak, I'm here to confirm that you are. There's nothing you can do. She's pregnant. Is that what she means by fetus?
I'm assuming it's not like on the rocks.
No, no, no, no, it's so unless you're free, Oh that's done. Yeah, So she's not going to convince her to get an abortion, you know what I mean?
So how do you let it go?
You have to actively surrender the idea that this is within your control. It is not within your control. You have no say in this matter. This is not your issue. Because it affects your family, it will affect you, but you still have no argument, you.
Have no what's that duck in this race? This race?
Duck race?
No duck in this race? Okay, you can't. There's nothing you can do, So you have to just understand. You have to really understand that you are not in control of everyone's destiny. The only thing you could control is your own behavior and your response to things. And I would work really hard on trying to be supportive rather than being combative about this because it's already happening. There is nothing you can do, and if you can exercise restraint and the idea of letting go of something that
is not your it's not your thing to control. So I don't know what to tell you, but you have to really understand that and also move forward in life understanding that as well.
You don't get to be in control of other people's lives.
Sharing any any thoughts there.
I don't know.
It sounds like she's more sort of worrying about her parents having to, you know, get involved in the baby's life and do the looking after. So like I kind of get that a little bit, but yeah, what are you going to do?
But I mean totally, but what's she going to do?
The parents already let her move in with her boyfriend or husband is a husband and boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, they'll have the baby, they'll probably break up in a few years, and then they're gonna have to clean up their own mess.
And your parents already allowed them to move in.
Again, not your decision, Like, you're not in charge of everyone in your family. You're not gonna force your sister to get an abortion, are you. No, you're not gonna force your parents to kick your sister out. No, So I would throw my hands up and look at a different direction to see to find a situation you can have an impact on.
And I think Arianna is like kind of on the right track of like she knows it's her own thing to deal with. So I would get a therapist so you can gripe about this, like, no, it's it's not your problem, and it's not your responsibility to help them learn these lessons either.
But the other thing, too, is the.
Boyfriend is probably gonna go away at some point, like you said, But when there is this baby, and this baby actually does come into your life, you're gonna be like, holy shit, I love this little niece or nephew.
So there will be like a good outcome of it.
That's really hard to understand until they're physical right here exactly.
It's true, it's true, but it did. I was the first person in my family to have a baby and wasn't planned in any way, but I remember bringing her home and my brothers and sisters just like it's a mental limit I have my head. So this day, like all of them just crowded around this tiny little thing in the middle of my parents' bed, and they were they immediately like fell in love and yep.
And that's pretty undeniable.
Like you know, once somebody in your family has and you obviously care about your family, so I would really start to just focus on the positive impact you can have on them moving forward in the future, rather than trying to prevent what's happening from happening.
Also, you live one hundred and seventy miles away or whatever, so yeah, six.
Hundred Yeah, find a new family if you want so bad, if you can.
Six hundred miles of that bus. What did did you say, six.
Hundred miles, six hundred miles that's a different country. Well, there's nothing six hundred oh, six hundred miles. I was saying six thousand there's nothing in this country six thousand miles away. Okay, I'm a geographical wizard and a mathematician. Okay, Well, I can't wait to see season two of Bad Sisters.
Sharon Horrigan.
I wait to see. I can't wait for you see it too. And so I love you and I'm so glad we got to do this. Me too, I've been an admirer for years.
Likewise, and I hope to see you in person one day soon, so we can have a cocktail together now that you're back on the sauce, can we just.
Do that.
Tail?
Yeah, in the early morning hours on a flight.
At nine am.
Okay, we will. We will share it. Thank you so much. Have a great day.
Okay.
Everyone needs to watch Bad Sisters. And if you haven't watched the first season, watched the first season first and then go to season two. It's on Apple and it's out now. Okay, guys, stand up shows that I have coming up. I am going to Texas this weekend. I'm going to Houston. I'm going to Austin, Houston and then Sugarland, Texas. Then I have my Specials taping and Montclair, New Jersey.
Those are all sold out.
I have San Diego on eleven twenty nine that has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that. And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth. December sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm coming in New Orleans right before New Year's and then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth.
And those are the rest of my stand up dates for this year. It's over New Tour New Year. If you'd like.
Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com