Oh, good morning Catherine, Good morning Chelsea. It's not morning, is it morning? I don't know what time frame I'm on. I've decided that time zones do not exist. I just flew in. I was in New York for thirty six hours, and now it's in my new Vegas residency. By the way, God, I'm so excited. Chelsea at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan Theater.
Tickets go on sale.
Pre sale starts Saturday, and my first date is September first.
For Labor Day weekend. And I have four more.
Dates that I announced in September and October for Vegas, and then we also added a whole other bunch of shows for my Little Big Bitch tour. It's all the same, so you know, whether you come there, you come to Vegas, or come twice.
We love to come twice.
Yes, everyone likes to come twice. That's what I'll name my next tour.
That'll be that.
Every time I name a tour, I put some bad word in it, Like last tour was vaccinated, so it got flats. Anytime someone forwarded it it would be like flagged. And this time it was a Little Big Bitch, which is also a problem putting bitch in a title. It's like I don't know how to do anything. And I remind her that I'm coming to the Santa Barbara Bowl, which I'm so excited about.
And the King's Theater in Brooklyn. I cannot woo.
So yeah, that's the other. I'm playing some venues that I've wanted to for a long time.
Yeah, Santa Barbara Bowl I.
Played once before and it was epic. It's such a beautiful spot.
Love it.
And then no, I've never played the King's Theater in Brooklyn, and so that's exciting. Yes, I had a great time, and I went. I saw Juliana Marguli's, you know, our co host. She's great. She got a haircut and so her hair was looking very she was looking very sexual.
Lest I mean, like still curly though right now straight.
It's been straight for a while.
I missed the curls.
I know, I know, but maybe it's been up.
I know.
You have to respect her and her privacy, which is what I'm not doing.
Right now by outing her for having straight hair.
I'm also coming to Dallas, Texas, Austin, Texas, sugar Land, Texas, all in November fifteenth, sixteen seventeenth, and I'm coming to New Orleans and Atlanta, Georgia at the end of December, so please get your tickets right before New Year's Eve?
What will I do this year for New Year's E?
What will you do?
Celebrate that? My house will fucking be done? Sorry, sorry, guys, I hate to get aggressive.
That's okay. We had a little incident with the little ol lady who runs the studio this morning.
Were dated on the floor like Doug did when we shot the promos for Vegas.
Basically we headed out this morning and so I'm very glad that we'll be at your podcast studio, which is.
Mon Oh you did.
You got to do it with her, and you know what, Like it feels so fun when you're like totally justified to be like back the fuck up, as you would say.
Yeah, yeah, back the duck up. According it depending on who you're talking to.
But you know, there's always something when we come in because somebody has changed a setting or locked out or whatever. And she had the audacity to call me a pain in the ass. And I went back and I said, don't talk to me like that. And it was amazing. I was joking as I said I know you were joking, but don't talk to me like that. I don't appreciate it. This is the workplace. I mean it just it felt so good. Yess it felt.
I'm right wearing your Dear Chelsea hat. By the way, merch is available at Chelseahandler dot com. Right where you buy all your tickets from my shows. You can also get merch for Dear Chelsea. I had a really really meaningful conversation or exchange i should say, with this woman at the airport the other day. Yes, I don't know where data is, okay, so I just came straight from the airport, so it could have been this morning, I'm
not sure, but about the podcast. And she was telling me about an episode that really impacted her and how much she loved it. It was really sweet, and I was like, oh, She's like, thank God for your podcast, thank you and such great advice. I was like, really, I sometimes I forget I even have a podcast, and then I'm like, that's so wonderful.
I don't. I'm like, please let me pin you down for like an hour so we can record.
I know, I know we have.
We just signed a new deal for our podcast. Guys, so we're being here for a long time, that's right, going into going into another two seasons.
Oh fabulous hearing that.
That's exciting, and so yes, I'm very grateful to all of our listeners.
Do we have a call to action?
Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen in your life.
Karen, my old assistant, is back in my life, you guys. Karen was my assistant. She was an intern on Chelsea Lately. You could tell that I just had a caffeine pack. I can't drink coffee, you guys, because I don't. It makes me sweat. And I just got off a plane from New York, which I'm already sweating because of how gross that is, even though I took a shower and then I took a wet white shower when I got here, like a like a horse bath, which I'm not opposed to at all.
But yes, Karen was an intern.
On Chelsea Lately, and then she became like an assistant to my assistant, and then she became my main assistant, and then she wanted to go work in the music business, and now she's back in my life.
I'm thrilled. She is an awesome lady.
She's the best. She is the best.
It's so nice to be reunited with someone in your life that you care so much about.
And someone who just like facilitates things and it's like pleasant. I mean, it's just she's great. I just think she's wonderful. Yes, not as opposed to anyone else other than maybe the lady from this morning.
Pleasantry is always nice, pleasant behavior.
We have a guest who's gonna be in studio today, Chelsea.
Oh yes, I love this s girls music. I love I love her attitude. I like everything about her. She's got a new single out called Baby Daddy's Weekend and her name is el King.
This is my first time. I never get to say that anymore.
Wow.
Doug, Oh, Doug, dog, it's going down on our gust.
It's already going so well.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
He just please know each other.
Please welcome Doug Handler and el King.
They arrived together in studio and Doug was just got caught between her legs. Okay, now he's lying down, el King. I want to talk about it. First of all, I'm a huge fan.
Of your music. I love you. Would you consider yourself a country music artist?
Yeah, okay, I would good because I shouldn't be categorizing any sort of music.
Okay, so you're a country musician.
Yeah, now I make country now, yes.
As opposed to earlier when you did it make country?
Well.
When I first started, I was making alternative rock and it crossed over into pop. So I was in that kind of whole world for a while. And then I sang a duet with this big country his named Dirk Spentley, and i'le him, I know him, okay, sick, yeah, great, great guy, thank you, chiseled Abs, And I was like, Country's more fun.
Country does that? Country is more fun?
But it also feels like country is broader than it used to be.
And it still is evolving and changing in a lot of different ways. And they haven't well, they tried to kick me out, but I'm holding on for dear life.
How did they?
I mean, first of all, I want to comment on all of your tattoos, because you're the first woman that I've sat this close to with a.
Necked up do I think? Okay, yeah, and I've never I've never seen what is
Oh?
that a snake? A serpent? Yeah? Yeah, a serpent? Yeah?
My favorite? Really fucking hate snakes. I don't want to like hold one, but you want one on your neck? Yeah right, Okay, So when they first tried to kick you out, what happened?
No, they didn't try to kick me out for a while.
I feel like Country was pretty like warm and welcoming to me, and they still are. I think a lot of the people in the country world are rebels in a lot of ways, which I kind of related to. And my family's from Ohio, and so I felt kind of at home in that space where I felt very not at home or comfortable in the pop world because I was like this thick bitch and people were kind of mean and drinking green drinks and I was.
Like, I like getting shit fazed.
So yeah, and a lot of people just didn't really vibe with me. And then Country was like, we drink and have fun and it's cool and we also like play arenas, and I was like, oh, that's sick.
I know, it's funny to think that, like a certain genres of music for certain types of behavior. Yeah, like rap is one category and then country. But pop stars aren't allowed to be fucked up or drinking or smoking.
Why I don't know. I mean, that's the problem.
Is that they should be drinking and smoking, like out in the open so it doesn't become such a problem. You know, like a little bit of this and a little bit of that goes a longer way than most people think, rather than putting up guardrails and saying no, you can't do this. Yeah, that usually backfires. So what age did you start to become pretty successful?
I'd say like around twenty six I got signed. I mean I've been playing shows and touring since I was like fifteen years old.
And did that mean you missed out on high school?
Oh my gosh. I went to so many different schools. I got kicked out of every school that I went to. I was very bad in school. I didn't give a shit. And I don't know, but like teachers from all the schools I went to would like come to my shows, and my mom would like help me get into bars. She didn't care I had a fake ID or anything.
And I got signed around like twenty two, twenty three, and then slept with a lot of people, wrote x's and no's and I was probably around twenty six, And that song kind of just blew up.
A lot of things you're saying. Remind me very much of my own experience. Okay, yeah, yeah, I wrote My first book was about sleeping with a lot of guys, and that put me on the map in books.
I mean, there's money in hoeing.
There is, and there weren't enough.
You know what the thing is is there weren't enough women talking about it because we're only now experiencing women being proud of being able to say, yeah, I sleep around a lot and I actually enjoy that.
Yeah, I enjoy multiple lovers in my life.
That is a goal of mine and I have accomplished it and I'm very happy about it.
Yeah, you have a son.
I do because one of your songs is Baby Baby Daddy's Weekend.
Yeah right, and that's about your baby's daddy. Yeah.
So how does that play into your lifestyle? How does that play into touring? What do you do with your son? How old is he?
He's two and a half.
Oh, he's yeah, he's like like have like a kid. He's so cute, he's so cool. He's traveled all over the world with me. He's like hugged kangaroos in Australia at two years old. Like, that's pretty cool. And he's I don't know, he's my little road dog.
And how does you just take him everywhere you go?
I take him everywhere I go.
And how many days a year are you touring? Like how many shows a year do you do?
Typically?
Probably like one hundred and fifty two hundred.
Oh yeah, last year we did a lot and the baby was with me, I mean everywhere that I went. Now he's getting a little bit older, and I because I co parent, he'll come with me on my weeks.
Right, So tell me about the music, like the industry, and your experience as a woman, and your experience with other women who've helped you like along the way or men who have helped you along the way.
I mean, I've had like a lot of great people that I've met along the way.
A lot of men never.
Really knew what to do with me because they either like didn't like me because they weren't attracted to me, or they hated me because they weren't attracted to me. But they knew that I was a good singer, and so like I had like a lot of like weird experiences of like having to push to that.
But I also grew up like like a.
Fat girl, so I had to be really funny, and I was always in trouble and I could talk my way like I've never been arrested, Like believe it or not. I know, neck tattoo is shocker, but like I've talked my way out of handcuffs because I can.
Make some I could make guy laugh, you know.
But I saw a lot of weird things in Hollywood, and it was like kind of weird to me, and nobody seemed very happy. But I loved music and I was a very emotional teenager and a really really sensitive and emotional child, and when I started playing music, it was like the only thing that I could like put my emotions down. And it's like this cathartic thing to
like write songs, you know. So I got like my first residency in Brooklyn when I was like sixteen years old, and people just started hearing me and I went by my mom's last name and just kind of took off from there. And then the people who helped me are like a lot of friends. Like I was laughing with my friend today of fifteen years she was like, yeah, bitch.
Your first help myself, West, I fucking gave you money to buy fucking clothes. And I don't know. I feel very blessed.
I always think like, no success is your own, you know what I mean, It belongs to all of the people who helped.
You achieve it.
Totally.
I always get asked that question about women because when I was coming up, women were like, you weren't on each other's side. There wasn't room for a lot of women, and so like now that just seems to be melting away where people are like, oh no, we can actually celebrate the success someone. You know, blowing somebody else's candle out doesn't make yours brighter. There's a room for everybody. But that feels more recent that vibe. Yeah, unfortunately.
Yeah, my candle is usually like behind and like a dumpster or something, or under your car. Yeah, under my car fucking just got towed. So so do you like touring?
Do you like being on the road?
I do. I feel like I'm better at that.
You're either made for touring or you're not, and you find out real fucking quick. I'm definitely made for it. I don't do well sitting in one place for a long time. I go totally nuts. I'm kind of kooky, I guess in a lot of ways, but like I actually crave schedule and routine, and also like my touring family, like my band. Most of them have been with me for like over eight years, so they're my longest relationship and they're incredible human beings and they're the most talented musicians.
They've taught me everything that I know, and they've stuck by me through like a lot of bullshit.
What you're just saying about structure, you know, with personalities that are very creative. Because I don't like everything you're saying. I can't I agree with so much. I don't like to be stuck in one place. I don't like to be tethered. I don't like someone to say I have to even be anywhere for like six unless it's my choice and I'm skiing because I could do that for
six weeks, but I don't like that. And when when structure is provided, even in like you know, as you're wandering around the world, but there's a structure to it, you're able to actually let your creative juices fly in a much more Yeah, you know, because you do have the structure. Without the structure, you'd be a fucking hot mess, Like I would be a mess. I need some sort of parameters.
As long as I'm in control and no one is telling me what to do, that's great.
That's great. Yeah, exactly.
Have you had any major blow ups with men in this business? You don't have to name names, but where you really had to lay into a man, because I did that recently and it felt great.
Oh.
My friend was listening outside because I was just retelling the story this weekend and my friend was listening outside and when I came out of the room that I was, you know, reading him in, she said, how did you learn how to talk to men like that? And I was like, oh, I'll teach you. Yeah, you got to stand up for yourself, girl.
Yeah, I've had like a lot of moments, and I mean probably too many that I can't even be like, like, let.
Me just sift through and see not any particular ones that you're very proud of the way you handled yourself.
Never that's a hard, no.
Good answer.
Yeah, but I think it from their perspective, because you know, I hate this about myself, but like, I try to see from both sides.
But I don't know, I grew up around a lot of actors, and.
Like it's just weird that like people get mad at you because of who your parents are. And I don't know if my son is gonna want to be a singer. I don't Maybe he wants to be an actor, you know, no offense, but I hope not a comedian, and like I don't want him to be like, well fuck me, like my mom is. Like the drunk country singer.
You know, you had a bad experience right where you were performing somewhere and you got in trouble for being drunk on stage.
Yes, I've also been there, Okay, and what happened.
I didn't really get into trouble, but I did it, and like it was, it was a big show with thousands of people. Yeah, and I just was embarrassed. I wasn't like a news item, but I've done.
It, Chelsea. Was it in like the time before everything was picked apart on social media?
Yeah?
Yeah yeah yeah.
Oh that's so nice.
Yeah that's great. That's what Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay, So this is my first time actually talking about it.
Okay, that was really crazy.
Tell us what happened?
All right, Okay, Okay, So I did a big no. No, I not only cussed on stage, hammered at the Grand ol Opry, but it was Dolly Parton's birthday and it was the Opry was doing a Dolly Parton tribute. I haven't spoken about it because one I.
Had to just chill.
It was a big deal. There were two shows that night.
I know, in in like stand up comedy, like a lot of times, there's two shows a day, so there was an early show and then a late show. I had been going through something very heavy and traumatic in my life at the time, and that day was a really big day dealing with what I was going through, and then I'm still going through and I suffer from like severe PTSD.
That day.
I hadn't eaten, I hadn't slept in days, and I was really overwhelmed. I was like a shell of myself. And they called me and there was a big snowstorm that day, and this other singer who's supposed to be the headliner backed out like three hours before, and they asked me if I would sing, if I would be the headliner and sing Joeline. I was like, great, I know that song, first show, fucking perfect. I take one shot too many and I'm just not there in my body,
I'm not there. I don't remember it all I remember, I don't even remember what I said.
I know now what I said.
I said, I'm milking and I'm fucking hay, and I got the curtain dropped on me and then like I just get like flashes of this and I was totally disassociated and I just cut to like the dressing room, me like on the floor.
Just like sobbing, like what have I done?
And then the next day it was like everywhere everywhere, and I was mortified, and I hand wrote an apology letter to the opry, and I hand wrote an apology letter to Dolly, and Dolly called me a couple days later, and she's just like literally, she's like proof that angels exist. She just gave me really kind words and told me.
Well, dollar's not mad she why should the world be?
And made me laugh and like like that's the kindness from women, you know, Like that's that's the stuff that I've received that I'll never forget ever. Because I wanted to fucking die and I don't know, I had to like remove myself from the population for a while because it just it wasn't getting any better.
It's like, you know, if I had a dick, would it be different? I don't know.
But I also didn't want to even put any energy into that because one, regardless of what I was doing in my life and what was happening to me, that I don't feel like I owe to anybody in the fucking world to try and explain. And I also don't think that it does excuse the fact that maybe I shouldn't have fucking been drinking. You know, this is like
a sacred stage, and I fucked up. And so for all the people who are asking for an apology from me, Hey, if you were there that night and I didn't get a chance to say I'm sorry to you, I apologize.
And I saw like your posts from around that time as well, and the fact that you were like, to everyone you know who was there, I love you and I'm sorry, And to everyone who's just being a dick to me on the internet, I love it and I'm sorry. That was more of your exact words. But I thought that was like very big of you, because people are kind of just nasty all of the time about anything on the internet these days.
People were telling me to surrender my child, that I'm an unfit mother, and that I should off myself.
And like, which is crazy.
Maybe I did have a little like aggression built up of that, and it's like the people who were sending me these messages weren't at the show, and like I feel, you know, Doll even said it, like no one is going to be harder on me than me, Like I I was very very hard on myself, and I'm mortified, Like.
Yes, and that's it, and that's it. That's all you can do, is like you we all make mistakes like that, Everyone makes mistakes, whether they're that kind of mistake or different kind, it doesn't matter.
So but I will say like that was me hitting a massive brick wall, and I made changes in my life and I feel like I'm becoming a stronger person because of it, and I'm not grateful for it. But at the same time, like I can find a silver lining and literally anything, and like I'm gonna choose to use this as a tool to not defeat me, but to make me hopefully a better person, and I can learn from my mistakes. Now, I don't drink before I go up and sing. And they're the best shows I've
ever played. And I'm proud to say that, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I still drink before I perform I can't announce that, so I don't want anyone.
To get their hopes up. That's something different is gonna happen for me. Okay. On that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back.
If you need advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. You can ask about your biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group, the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on, or anything else that's Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
And we're back without back.
We're back with olkid Catherine and questions from callers.
So many questions. We actually have some very fun and specific ones from people who are in music. So okay, great, first question, We're gonna go to a caller first. She's about to go on stage in London, so we'll get her on her merry way. So Fie is thirty two and her subject line is love on tour, Dear Chelsea. I'm a touring musician who's on the road about seven
or eight months out of the year. I've had trouble keeping relationships alive when I'm gone so often that I've given up and then spent a good year and a half exploring myself and had a great time hooking up all over the world. But now I have a boyfriend that I truly love, and I want to ensure that our relationship survives the ups and downs of tour life. He doesn't have a visa to visit America. We live in Mexico and he's from Mexico City, so he can't just up and visit me in the States or Europe
when I have time off. So, besides communication and trusting the process, as a fellow touring entertainer, what advice do you have to keep things exciting and to not let your fears and anxieties creep in. I'm really great at self sabotaging, and I'd really like to see this relationship survive the next three months. Stint, I'm gone for fie.
Hi, Effie, Hi, how are you?
Oh?
We're good, thank you. We have our special guest, al King is here today. She's gonna help give us advice.
Yes, you're talking to two people who tour for a living, So that's perfect.
Exactly perfect, That's exactly what I need.
Would you like to go first.
I'd love to go first. I feel like as a touring musician, any relationship you're in is a long distance relationship, so you have to have a very strong, firm foundation of trust. Otherwise there's no there's nothing to build on.
They also don't sound like they've had enough time to build a foundation on.
How long have you been together?
Seven months?
And that's two and a half of those months I was on tour back in November and December, so it's like we've only really been together three and a half four months.
Well, that's enough to build some sort of foundation. Yeah, Also, are you concerned about his.
Behavior while you're away? Whose behavior are you concerned about? Yours?
I'm I'm not even I'm not even really concerned about the behavior is just well, I've had boyfriends who have cheated in the past, wrong them away because they just use that as an excuse to go to other people.
So I think I'm just I just have my own mental stress and struggles about Like, you know, I trust him and I love him very much, but it's just the communication that's really hard, especially now I'm in England and he's in Mexico, so there's an eight hour time difference, and I don't expect him to talk to me all day every day.
I just I need something.
Are you checking in? Are you texting at all?
Oh? I text all the time. I'm one of those annoying multiple bubble kind of texts.
Yeah, me too.
But he's just inherently not a phone person. And you know, he's just he doesn't look at it.
He doesn't think you know that flag is Rojo.
It's so I know, it's so annoying.
He's like that even when we're together, like if somebody's text sim he just he doesn't look at the phone. When we're together one on one, I am priority, which is awesome. Like we never touch our phones unless we're playing like a little game together.
So I love that very much about him.
So I understand why he's not constantly on his phone to text me. But when I think of him, I'm like, hey, I hope you're having a great day. And it just seems like I have to like pool that out.
Of him, you know, and it is fucking annoying.
Have you communicated to him that you would crave like a faster response, because I'm a rapid texter and if I don't get like immediate gratification.
We have a problem.
I'm like that as well.
Yeah, I like texting, Yeah, I like texting, and God, I would rather choke on a needle than FaceTime or call, like on the phone. I have a social anxiety about that,
even if it's people I love. But yeah, actually, just yesterday because I was at the airport waiting to board my flight to London, so I had many and I finally texted him and I said, Hey, you know, officially right now, things are going to get really hard and I need for you to be better and be a little bit more aware of what's going on with our relationship and it's it's going to be hard.
And I don't think he's really processed that yet.
Has he responded?
Oh?
Yeah, yeah he did, Yeah.
He did. Yeah what did he say?
It was actually better than I anticipated. I thought he was going to kind of get on my case about being needy or being annoying, but he said, I know that I need to be better, and I know that you know, I'm not a phone person, but when it comes to love and reassurance, it needs to be more often.
So I'm sorry. He apologized, and I appreciate that.
This is I mean, I feel like you.
Yeah, I feel like you already solved your problem before you called.
I know, but I think it's my like, how do you not stifle That's not the right word, but so like, how do you kind of put your.
Own anxieties at ease? Like I'm just a naturally anxious person all the time. Yeah, so my mind immediately goes to like the darkest place possible. And with relationships where I've had experience that and really badly because they get bored that I'm not home, or they have their own jealousy, or they have their own insecurities. It's just I want to make sure that I tread carefully and correctly to make sure that this lasts.
Can I say something what I heard and what I took from everything that you just said. It sounds like maybe there's some inner work that you can do to find calm and peace within you and trust yourself and your own gut and your own intuition that will only help fuel a loving relationship outwardly if you start inside
first and calm that. And I think with that kind of self love and self trust and like all of that comes, you know, leaving a lot of the other past traumas from other relationships and not being carried into the next one. That's what I don't do that personally, but I feel like that could maybe be helpful for you.
Yeah, you know what else, I think you definitely need to do that. You have to start having a different conversation with yourself because it's like you're letting your negative thoughts overpower your positive thoughts. And with distance in time like there, you cannot control what another person is gonna do. Okay, So that's one thing, and I understand you think you can by facilitating getting closer while you're gone. You've communicated to him that you're gonna need more attention via text
or whatever that means. And even if it's texting, like that's that's kind of like a relief to a lot of people, Like you don't have to get on the phone, you don't have to face time, you just have to text, like keep up the communication. That's something that he could do for you to assuaze your fears. But what you can do to assuaze your fears is also if you sit down and think of the worst possible scenario, which would be to what that he cheated on you, right,
think of that, Think of that actually happening. You find out he cheated on you, and then you break up and then you're you like it's you're gonna be fine no matter what the fuck happens.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, so you break up, Yeah, you're heartbroken or whatever, You're gonna survive that too. Like, so all of this worry and you're doing, like worrying to what availed? Do you think you're gonna die? Like, You're not gonna die. You're worried about someone cheating and you're worried about communication Like that can't be your driving attitude, you know what I mean? Your driving attitude has to be way more focused and centered on what you're doing in your present
moment than occupying yourself with the negative possibilities. So that's a conversation, like she said that you have to keep having with yourself, and also a therapist or a like guided meditation something that's gonna teach you how to calm down and to breathe out your nerves. You know when you have when they overcome you. Because if you see with it and you think, Okay, I'm having this feeling I'm worried he's gonna cheat on me, then sit with it. Go Okay, well what if he did cheat on me?
What would happen? Then well we would have to break out. That would suck, but you would still be alive and you would still survive. It's like it's even the worst possible scenario. Isn't that bad?
It just sounds you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, it sounds worse than it will be, you know.
And then if you go through all those feelings, it's almost like you extinguish. You're like, Okay, yeah, that would really suck. Now let me get on with the rest of my day.
Wow, Yeah, I agree. I agree with all that. Me and Hill are both like down yeah up, No, I mean I totally I totally agree.
And I'm doing this like journaling process called the Artist's Way, and it's basically just a journaling Like every day you wake up and you do three pages of just like conscious streaming, just letting out all of your stuff. And I'm like finding myself aggravated because all of my writing is just like Okay, I gotta like think about this relationship and why it is happening, and I'm angry about this, and I'm like, it's seriously taking over like my brain and it's unhealthy.
Yeah, you're obsessing.
You're obsessing over your relationship, and it's you got to like figure out a way to internally dial that back because that's not serving you. So you have to start thinking about all the other things in your life that you're grateful for, and start thinking about that and journaling about that every morning to get your mind a little bit more balanced. You know, talk about the thing, what are you grateful for? Your family, what your job, your life?
Yeah, my job, music, travel, you know, all the all the things that I get to do because the music is incredible, So I'm very grateful for all of that.
You're getting on stage soon to perform in front of a live audience, right, yeah, like forty minutes, So fucking focus on that.
Focus on enjoy love and sunshine into everyone who's there to see, who you're performing with and everybody's on stage. Like emanate the love and like happiness that you want to feel. Just do that on stage tonight and be focused only on that you're there in front of all these people.
Go serve it up to them.
Yeah, I agree, with that. Thank you.
Yeah, and once you get all of the anxiety out of the way, As someone who is married to a touring musician, I will say, a tasteful nude goes a long way.
Also, just like FaceTime sex is like.
Do you have sex on FaceTime? I'm on the road all the time, I've never done that.
Well, I've ever done that.
You're welcome.
No.
And also like he he is definitely like he has no game whatsoever, Like I can't even imagine what trying to like get a nude from him would be.
Like, let's not focus on that. Let's just focus on the previous advice. Okay, you can deal with your news on your own time. Yes, we can't counsel on that. It's illegal.
Okay, Well I have a great show tonight.
Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys. Thank you.
Yeah, thanks bye. Seriously, it's like I'm upset. First of well, FaceTime sex FaceTime, Like it's not really You're just masturbating on FaceTime?
Is that what it is?
Yeah, it's great. Can't get pregnant.
You can't get pregnant on FaceTime. You want to make a bet somebody will get pregnant on face time.
I'm not a doctor.
TIF talk will happen first, But somebody's gonna get pregnant online.
That's what's gonna happen next.
I mean, Chelsea gets people pregnant on this show.
I get you'll get your period when you leave here, and you'll get pregnant. Oh my gosh, I'm very powerful. I have a very powerful female energy. Okay, great, yes, well our next question. It comes from me, says dear Chelsea. I'm a straight woman who started a new job this year and immediately hit it off as friends. The gay male coworker. Not to stereotype, but he's pop culture savvy, very stylish.
Gently spoken, and just overall adorable. I recently learned, after forming a solid friendship over the past five months, that oops, turns out, he dates women. This threw me for a loop. Thinking that he was into men made it much easier to have a friendship with him. Now that I know what might be possible, I can't stop thinking about him while trying to get my work done. He makes me laugh every day that we work together. On the days I know we'll both be in office, I feel giddy
and excited to get to work. I have butterflies around him, and we vibe together. The problem is, I'm married. I've been with my husband for a long time and honestly feel very satisfied in our relationship. We still have deep conversations, we laugh together, have a great sex life, and overall profound connection. So it's not as if I'm not getting my needs met and therefore seeking them out elsewhere.
Yeah, I bet you are getting your knees Matt. I'm fucking greedy, Jesus.
I think it's just the fact that these feelings are new and therefore exciting. How do I work with this person and avoid getting too close? How do I eventually get over this crush? How do I keep myself from cheating? I can't imagine actually doing that, but the fantasy is there. Mia.
Nah, First of all, you better shut the fuck up.
Okay, you have a great husband, who you're having sex with, who you're having deep conversations with, and who you laugh with. You're busy worried about your crush. Remember that a crush is a crush. It doesn't mean anything, and you can control yourself because you're an adult woman. Yeah, so try not to fuck your coworker. Okay, you can do it.
That's that's kind of me. I get it.
But also like if you have a good husband who's making you laugh and fucks you like and is nice, like, don't fuck that up?
Yes exactly, Yeah, don't fuck it up.
I mean you thought this guy was gay for like five months and now you like want to fuck it because he made you laugh and like.
Talks about fucking the housewives. Like, no, just stick to your husband and like, have a fucking work crush, please.
Yeah, welcome the crush. It's fun to have a crush.
You're gonna fucking blow it for you and for everybody.
Thank you. That's enough. Set on that topic.
Let's leave it to leave it on that note perfectly sad, all right.
Our next color is Jenny. She is in New York. Dear Chelsea. I opened a music venue with my husband almost a year ago now, and it's going as expected.
Lat It's of joy and also stress. I've worked in restaurants and jazz clubs for decades now, and I've always enjoyed talking with guests and creating a warm and welcoming environment for people to have a good time, a place to leave their worries behind and fill up on all of the good vibes I've worked so hard to curate, but when attention is given directly to me, I'm filled with anxiety. I'm terrified of going up on stage, taking
a mic, or being on camera. My husband, who's a musician, is very entertaining on the mic and has been the one to MC most nights to introduce players and groups. He's going to be on tour over the summer, and since I'm the other face of the joint, I should be the one getting up to MC. How can I overcome this fear? I want to talk to the crowd of people as if I were talking to them one on one, and make the room ready for a night of music and fun. It's a beautiful club that I'm
so proud of. It's more fulfilling than I could have imagined, and I'd love to have confidence everywhere in the club, especially on the stage that I built.
Jenny Jones, Oh, Jenny, that is so wholesome and sweet.
You're so wholesome.
I am no oh yo yo yo.
What's up?
Hi?
HIHI king our special guest today. Hi hi hi Hi. Nice to see you guys.
Nice to see you too, Okay, Building confidence well, first of all, what I would say is take a beta blocker.
Because that's what I was gonna say too.
Yeah, that's gonna help your nerves.
As far as like how you're gonna be in terms of speaking publicly, I mean, you just.
Gotta go through it. You gotta do it.
And you know what, I have bad shows and they make the great shows fucking great.
It's kind of a learning curve, like in order to get good at you, you have to start doing it. So you can't just like become a great public orator or speaker out of nowhere. You're just gonna have to go up and just I would say, like when you're going up there, I would definitely get a prescription for proparamolol.
That's what it's called from your doctor. That's one of them.
I don't know if you knowed it. For one.
And when you're going out on stage and you're going ready to getting ready to do it, I would just really try to really lead with the right high vibes, you know, like fun, Like I want to have fun. And if you're having fun, other people are gonna have fun. It's contagious.
And and don't try to be anyone that you're not just it's it feels weird to say sometimes, but like actually, just be yourself and you'll be surprised by how accepting an audience is if you are your true, authentic, yes person self.
Yeah, yeah, I just get I get nervous and I get stuttery, and.
Well the proprietla will help that.
You'll get that and it won't make you feel loopy either.
No, no, no, that's a faster you get off stage. Yeah.
And also, you know, you can have a drink if that's gonna calm you down. Not five probably, but like one, you know, just to like calm your nerves. And just if you're feeling nervous and you're feeling jittery, it's okay to like lean into it and be like, oh, guys, this is my first time on stage. Like hopefully I don't screw this up, you know, like be yourself. You don't have to like be.
The best at it all of a sudden out of the gate. Yeah yeah, I mean I did try doing a shot one night.
I got up and I think it made me more nervous.
Okay, so don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that.
I recently started going on stage stone cold sober, and I always felt like I messed up more when I'm sober, because I'm like a like a severely anxious person myself.
But like I trip and I fumble and I say stupid shit.
But at the end of the day, like I still would rather be me and be experiencing it at the moment, and you'll.
You'll find your flow.
And I feel like I just have a feeling you're gonna end up loving being up there and you're gonna tell your husband like, no, I'm fucking handling it tonight.
I want to be up there on stage.
I like that.
I'm also gonna just put this out there too. If you really hate it, even though you're the face of the place, maybe get your most like Hammy bartender to do it, you know what I mean, Like you can be the gal who's like mingling in the crowds, because I know you said it's sort of like a safe space, you know everybody there sort of thing.
Yeah, I'm comfortable on that.
Right, Like when you're on the floor, you're comfortable, right, yes, yeah. Yeah. So like if you really hate it, after trying it out a few times, get your most like whoever's the biggest ham who works for you.
Have them do it.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, any other confidence advice scals.
I think confidence is just you really have to lean into it and act like it's.
Like faking it until you make it. It's true. It is.
I mean, I was so full of shit for so many years, and guess I'm still all my bullshit. Me too, I'm still full of shit too, but it all came true.
So just act like you know.
It's the opposite of what I said ten minutes ago, which was lean into your short leading into your nervousness. Yeah, this isn't making sense anymore, this podcast where it's time for it.
Okay, it's time where we have to go now.
I like that. I like this.
Thank you.
I'm gonna give it a shot.
You're gonna do great.
If one of the pieces of advice don't work, try another piece of Yeah.
Take care.
Jenny feels to me like she really wants to get up on that stage.
Yeah right, I mean.
Even though she's nervous. No, I think she wants to be good at it.
Like yea, she does.
I think she's got to love it, but she's gonna Yeah.
But anxiety is weird. It can just totally take over all of you.
Yeah, I realized.
I mean, my friend was talking about anxiety the other day and I was like, oh, I go, yeah, I guess I do have anxiety. I always like to go around saying I don't have anxiety, but like being anxious to go to an event, or knowing you have to do something and it weighing on you all week or like for a couple of days.
I hate, that's anxiety. That's anxiety.
Yeah, Like I don't go out, you know, I'm like, even though I'm like, but I've been a party girl my whole life, Like, I actually am a very socially I'm an awkward human being and I'm socially.
Awkward and weird and have social anxiety.
Yeah.
Well I would never be able to tell that just sitting next to you, because I'm faking it, I know.
And you're doing a great job.
Thank you.
Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back, and we're back.
We're wrapping up with el King, who, By the way, I want to thank you for sharing your story earlier.
Thank you for sharing that. I think that's going to be really helpful to a lot of our listeners because I've been there. It's in my new book.
I have a chapter about some older celebrity calling me out on my bad behavior at a party where I did what you're talking about, you know, something similar when I was in my twenties, and I was like, I will never ever have that woman speak to me again, Like she's never gonna have to talk to me again,
because I will fix the problem. Yeah, And so I think it's so it's another example of sisterhood of women, showing up for women and being graceful when somebody fucks up, like that is a great quality to be able to give to someone else, or it's not a quality, but it's a great gift you can give someone else when someone in your life does fuck up, like to be graceful to them about it, you know, like, Okay, I understand, you know you made a mistake.
I'm not going to crucify you for this.
And when they fuck up fifteen more times, no, yeah, and you say fuck off.
I think my biggest take from everything that happened is, Okay, next time I see somebody going off the rails or doing something crazy or like, you know, maybe acting poorly. I now understand first and foremost as a mother, but also having gone through that, Okay, I have no idea what's going on behind the scenes. Obviously this is stemming from a place of hurt, fear, something that's going on that's really big.
Maybe.
So it's taught me a lot of empathy and grace and like humility, and I don't know, I'm not happy for it, but what I've learned from it is like just I mean, I'm still every day learning yet have a panic attack in the car though.
I love your hands. They're so cute. Oh, thank you nice.
And I like your nails that they're short, and your jewelry and your tattoos.
Very cute hands.
We'll have to showcase those on my Instagram feed when the episode comes out.
We'll just show her hands. Thank cute hands. Thank you alk for being here. Thank you, hey, guys, so for stand up.
We added a second show in Sydney, and we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May twenty fourth. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year. That's August seventeenth. The Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at Santa Rosa on August second, and we added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth to CA Who Louis. I'm gonna be at CA Who Louis, and then I'm coming on July
twenty at to Honolulu. And I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington. So and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up, and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May third, which is my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, so come.
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com