Advice From Your Big Sister with Tinx

because I'm nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album. Okay, so I had to reschedule my Vancouver and Calgary dates. That's Canada, and all the other dates existing are staying the same, so we have that to celebrate as well. And yeah, what else, Catherine? You look very vivacious today, I would say, is the word. My hair is doing like a Kelly Kapowski thing, and I'm not mad about it. It's just like different. I don't know who Kelly Kapowski is, but I like the way that that your hair looks.

It looks like you were freshly something recently, like something positive. Happened. Well, I mean, I was gonna say several positive things happened last night, but that's probably not something you can talk about on the air. I don't see why. I don't see why not. I mean, what's stopping you? Just sex stuff? Really? But okay, well, I'm glad for you and I'm glad for Brad. It seems like the two of you are thriving. We're just we're truly are with your fiscal your fiscal sexuality.

That's your area of expertise, fiscal sexuality. That's right, that's right. I'm always reading finance books, or especially books about how finances make people feel like that to me is very interesting. I know, I know I don't have a good handle on that because I don't struggle with finances, and even when I did, I was so broke for so long that I just always knew I would have money, Like I always assumed i'd be successful. I just knew it.

I had like a dollar credit card debt when I was a waitress because I would take everyone out all the time before I had money, and I just charge it to credit cards. I was like, I'll get this later. That was actually something that Colleen said she was like even when she had no money, she was she would always treat she was very generous. But my friends, like three of them filed for bankruptcy when we were in her twenties and they just got a clean slate, And

I was like, that is such fucking horseship rude. Yeah, So I never did that. I was like, I'm paying my money back. I'm never gonna steal, Like I mean, I'll steal, but not from not for the that set up, Like, you know, you make that kind of debt, you should incur that kind of debt, you should pay it back. So I did, Yeah, but I was never like, oh sud I mean I was like, oh, yeah, thirty thousand dollars in credit card fees. I mean, Bill's no problem with this, and he guess what, it wasn't a problem.

So you have to believe. Do you feel like because you just expected success to happen, that was part of what helped it like manifest itself in the universe. Yeah. I think when you have one singular notion and you're only working towards that notion, like there's nothing that can get in your way. When you're headstrong and you think like this is your destiny and you believe that, then that is what is going to happen. What else is

going to happen? You know, you're not putting your efforts towards I certainly wasn't, but it wasn't putting my efforts towards being a good waitress, which was what I was doing. I wasn't like I was like, I gotta make this work, and last I was like, oh okay, Like how do I get the funk out of this job? I've always been inherently lazy, even if I work a lot, my my go to Like yesterday, I had a big thing that was canceled at the last minute, so I had

the whole day off. I went over to the house. Yeah, hello, I love that. I mean, I wasn't upset, and I had been dieting for this thing, like I had been really being the shoot. Yeah, and it got canceled. So I ended up going to my girlfriend's house and we smoked a duby at around ten thirty in the morning. Then we went to launch at Javier's in Century City.

I had to Margarita's. We came home, I went home, got into bed, took it edible and watched oz Arcs for probably six hours, and yes I was I was like, I'm gonna stay up. I'm gonna stay up, and then I'm like, no, I'm not. As soon as it hit nine thirty, I was out. And then Joe came home at ten thirty from his trip and I was out cold, and I was just like, what a beautiful day. Like That's how I would like aside from working out, I really just want to be in bed all day long. Yeah.

My my one mentor, she's always called it a flow day, which kind of sounds like a period thing, but it does not. She just says, like, have a day where you just do the next thing you want to do. You wanted to get a margarita, and then you wanted to lay in bed and watch os Ark, and then you wanted to you know. It's just like, just just have a day where you don't have any plans. You just do the next thing whenever you want to do it.

I said to my dermatologist this morning. I was like, hey, I was like, I told her what I did yesterday. I could just feel the judgment coming from r because she has four children and she's just like, what you sat in bed and watched O Talk all day. It's like, yeah, bitch, that's exactly what I did. Some people could never do that. People people that will never ever lie in bed all day. No, or they can't because they have like nine kids running around,

or even like two kids running around. Like, people don't understand. I'll be like, oh, yeah, like slept until ten. They're like, what is your life? I'm like, that's kind of that's not crazy if you don't have kids. Yeah, no, I know. I That's the only thing that I'm not good at is I don't sleep in anymore. I wake up early, Like if I sleep till eight, that's late. Yeah, I'm

I'm getting worse about that. Like last weekend I was able to sleep late into the morning, but it's been months since I've slept on the weekend past, like even like nine. I think. Yeah, I think that's an age thing. As you get older, you stopped sleeping in. Yeah. Also getting just like excited for coffee in the morning. Do you ever have that? I'm not excited for I'll wake I'll go to sleep, and I'll be like, but in the morning, I could have coffee. I mean, I've been

taking these little Kiani boosters. He's caffeine like from my one of my nutrition has sent them to me, and it's like a mine sharpener and it just like wakes you up and makes you alert. So I have that in lieu of coffee a lot, and that really works. Well, that's nice. Yeah, I know, it's like a shot and you just wake up. Because I'm not that into coffee. I just drink it, you know, as like a you know, if I'm strinking it socially, it's like alcohol for me.

Just if other people are around, you'll have it. Uh No, it's like what alcohol is for other people. Coffee is to me. So alcohol I could have alone or with a friend. But coffee I usually have if someone's there and they're having coffee. Like Joe loves coffee, so I'll go with him and get a coffee. It's a problem if you're drinking it alone. Well, I tried to have one of his coffees, which is like a triple latte with oat milk, and I'm like, uh, then I had

diarrhea for the entire day. I'm like, get away from me with these trips. I don't need a triple fucking I needed to you, Joe, by the way, he's bouncing off the walls and then and he falls asleep. Yeah, he has like so boundless energy, it seems so. I'm sure more now that he's been working out with you and Ben Bruno. Yeah, his body is really coming together. His friends probably all think, either're like, oh fun he started dating Chelsea and she fucking whipped his ass into shape.

You know that. Everyone's like, oh, she's got him skin. He's in lost twenty pounds. Oh my god. I know. Well, let's talk about our guest for today, shall we. Oh? Yeah, our guests is Funny Okay, so I guess today. She is kind of known as the big sister of TikTok. She has a new podcast it's called It's Me Tanks, which will launch Monday, February one, and I'm excited to welcome her to the show because I have been watching her on TikTok for a long time. So please welcome Tanks. Tanks,

welcome to the show. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you because we have so much in common, because you're kind of like a self annoyed alcohol that I'm sorry, I am an alcoholic. I just realized that it's CDC put out a message about however many drinks is average for a man, like eight to sixteen anything over that. You're an alcoholic as a man, but for a woman it's

much less. And I'm like, you know what, this is another sexist because like, fuck you, why are we supposed to drink less than men? We're the ones who have to deal with men, which causes us to drink even more. Exactly, it's it's really the CDC is sexist and unclear. Frankly, I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. They can't count for ships, so who are they to count my cocktails per week? That's a great point, tanks, that's a great point. Anyway, I cut you off. What

else do we have in common place? You're like a self anointed big sister of TikTok? Like I didn't. I didn't realize that you are basically giving advice to the masses and giving your opinions and advice to people who are it's solicited and unsolicited, really, because sometimes it is solicited, But I fucking love that and that's how I operate it. I'm constantly giving out information, whether people are asking for it or not. Yeah, I just kind of run my mouth.

And I do believe in sharing information and passing on what I know, because if I can save a girl three weeks from like agonizing over a fun boy with just like a little mind trick that I've used, then that's a win. Right. I don't know everything, but I might know a little bit more than than some people. And I also love asking for advice, So I think that that it goes both ways. Like I love learning things. I love, you know, hearing like from my friends how

did you do that? I love reading memoirs, especially from women, and just learning like you know, how did you pay? How did you do it? And then I pass it on. So yeah, and sometimes it's unsolicited, but I think that I'm always right, so people need to hear. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel like my opinion is valuable. The more the people I get to, the better for the world, exactly.

I also think it's important to recognize when you are to share things with women, you know, because I have so many friends in this industry who are very secretive about the things and the little tricks that they do to lose weight or look younger, or what they're doing in your face or their body. So that's another area where I feel very passionate about doing the opposite, because you should be letting other women in on the secret's,

not keeping them and hoarding them for yourself. I totally agree, and I think whatever you do is your business and that's fine, but you can't, like, because I'm now in the public eye, so to speak, I feel a responsibility to say what I've had done, so I'm not, you know, setting unrealistic expectations for girls that are younger than me. I love botox, and I say that, and I say I get it all the time, and I use very expensive skincare. But but I tell you know, I'm like,

this is what I do. I don't just like drink a lot of water, any poach salmon, like as all the celebrities lied in the nineties that that's all they did. You put alive oil on your face, jail or you're you're lying, like, no, you will also poach salmon. You can only have like for three days in a row before you never forget want. So that's a lie right there. So that's a lie. So it's like, yeah, I don't

believe in gate keeping. I I think that my whole stick is like if there's a room full of women and someone in there has a problem and someone else in there has the answer, and it's all about sharing the information, and if I can help play a small part that then that's great. But yeah, I I honestly won't shut the funk up about not only just advice, but just like, well, this is what I'm doing this week, er, this is what I'm trying here, because it's just like,

share the information. That's how we're gonna move. And also, yeah, share the information good and bad. When you have a bad experience with something, share that to help women understand what the options are because I obviously, I mean I do so much ship with facials, with treatments, with I v S, with skin, with lasers, all this ship, and it's like I'm totally willing to share all that stuff.

And you also have to recognize that it's also very expensive stuff totally not everybody can afford, so you can feel bad about sharing it, but it's it's just the truth, so there's nothing to feel bad about. It's like you just put that out there, like, yes, I understand this treatment. So this is a little steep for most people. But this is what I'm getting done, right. And if you have of you know, X amount of spared dollars to spend on one thing, that I'd prefer to recommend the

best one, you know. So it's like I might as well say the truth. If it's a great I cream and you happen to have the extra money to buy it, then get the good one. How old are you? Oh god, wow, that's nice. Well no, no, I was, and a lot of I creams, Yeah, thirty one. What do you got for me? Oh god, I've got lots for you. I mean, first of all, I didn't start drinking water until I was like forty four, so I found I find water to be the most boring, boring thing in the world.

Right now, my housekeeper has to doctor this up for me. Every morning. There's like there's cucumber lemon water in my fridge. Then there's plain water, and then there's BlackBerry and strawberry like spa water. So there's array so that I can

drink water. But I said to my friend, I go, okay, I have a big photo shoot coming up, and I have to be like it's for this athletic company, and I'm lebra and underwear and doing stuff like not just sitting moving and I was like, I don't know about the moving part and the jiggle, and and my friends like, just don't drink any sparkling water for like four days leading up to the photos shoot. I'm like, fuck you. I'm like, no bubbles, Like I'm so addicted to carbonation.

The idea of no sparkling water. She's like, it's it's bad for cellult I refuse to believe it. I know it blows you. And it's just like that's the bitch of getting older. It's like you things just show up on your face and your body in a way like they didn't used to. So it's like I always say, after the age of twenty seven, if you eat a big piece of cake the next day, you're gonna look

a little ugly. It'll shop. But I liked also what you said about it not being the end of the world when you do gain ten Yeah, it's like, do you remember that era where it was like like when I was like twenty five and I would gain ten pounds and I'd be like, the world is coming to an end. Oh, I wouldn't even allow myself to gain ten pounds because I would weigh myself six to seven times throughout the day and if my number, oh yeah, oh, I used to run, talk about anorexia nervosa or whatever

on my condition was. I don't like to diagnose things in the past, only in the present, so I've never really reflected on it. But I used to run like six to eight miles every morning. I'd weigh myself before I ran. Then i'd weigh myself after I ran to see how much water weight I lost. Then I would never replenish with actual water. It was just like diet soda or you know whatever, juice, diet juice and apple

like I was just so unhealthy. And then I would weigh myself continually throughout the day to monitor my weight because I thought with every meal it could just go haywire. Like I once went to Africa without a scale, and I came back and I had gained sixteen pounds, and I thought, oh, oh, you can't be trusted on a trip like your fucking lunatic sixteen pounds. Albeit I just had a c L surgery, so I wasn't able to

be mobile and I wasn't able to walk around. So after that I became even more ardently committed to traveling with a scale so I can monitor the situation. Now I've become a lot more relaxed about my weight because it doesn't jump and bounce out and down so much. And I'm not as obsessive as I used to be. But I have to say, like I I don't know anybody who was more obsessed with weighing themselves than I was.

It's a prison, it is. It's a total prison. I was just talking to my followers about it this week. It is a complete self made prison. And it's so I hate how many messages I get about weight. I hate how many d ms like how did you find the freedom? How do you you know? How do you allow yourself to have this? How? This and that? And I'm like, it's kind of something that you have to just get there yourself, Like you have to go through

it and find peace yourself. But if I could take away all of those hours and and pain and stepping on the scale for all the young women out there, if I could go back and shake myself when I was twenty five and be like, it doesn't matter nobody notices. That's the that's the crazy things. It's literally only the two things that I really try to always tell them is like number one, Literally nobody notices unless you gain

a hundred pounds. Truly, it's just you. Secondly, because a lot of the questions that I get are like related to dating, do you think breaks my heart? I always get do you think I should wait to lose weight to start dating? And I'm like, no, but you should. You should love yourself and know your value before you

start dating. It's nothing to do with weight. But it's like if you if your self worth is so tied to your weight, then you need to do some self work before you start asking someone else to love you because you're so much more than your weight. Your weight has literally nothing to do with your worth. I used to if I waited, if I went over one thirty,

I wasn't allowed to leave the house. And if I waited, like if I had planned with my girlfriend's to grout on Friday night and I weighed myself and I weighed even one thirty one, I would cancel my plants and stay home. I acted like that for a good part of my twenties. Obsessed obsessed with the way that I looked like, oh this is oh yeah, I mean I can't believe I didn't have to go to like a hospital soon, sooner than I than when I started therapy,

because I was obsessed with it. Just crazy what addicted to water pills, anything that would just keep my weight down, just constantly dehydrating myself. So the person who needs the water the most, it's the most scared of it. Yeah, Oh my god. I spent an hour crying to my therapist a couple of weeks ago about like what my nieces are going through, like just what you were saying, thanks, I'm like, why do they have to go through this?

Why are they learning all this stuff at the same pace I learned it, Like it's two body positivity is here, yet it hasn't reached the masses. Yeah, And I just I don't know. And we're so extreme as humans because I sometimes worry that there's now this message which is like we're replacing one pressure with an equal but different pressure where it's like just eat whatever you want and you'll be fine, and like now you can't care about it at all, and it's like, no, you should just

feel like yourself and you should. We're trying to get to a place where it's like you just you don't care about your physical appearance as much, Like that's the goal. Not I don't know. It's it's a scary place for for young people right now, for young women, and it's it saddens me that there's so much of our young life is spent attaching worth to the external things. Speaking of external things, I saw that you went on a

date with Diplo through Tinder. I also give it on a date with him, but I wanted it to end up that way. When I met Diplow, I film something with him for one of my shows. I think, right, yeah, super fucking sexy, super hot and funny. He's so funny and that's a sense of humor. Yeah. For me, I'm like, I couldn't give a shit about looks, and I really really mean that. Like other girls are like, no, I don't care like and then they're dating some like six

four hottie. I'm like, no, I've dated like, I do not care about looks at all. I don't care about height at all. But you better be goofy and you better have a sense of humor. That's the that's the hottest It's the hottest thing. Is it really really is? Anyway, diplow I wanted to funk. I was like, Okay, we were talking and then he was talking He's like, you know, I don't really do drugs, because he was talking about

DJ and we were recording some song. He was trying to help me sing, and he's like, I don't really do drugs. And then he, like within thirty seconds, told me a story about the last the previous weekend where he had been in Vegas and done a bunch of molly. And I'm like, Diplo, you just said you don't do drugs. He goes, well, I did this weekend, and I was like, Okay, this conversation is starting to track. Yeah, he's a riot. He's so fun and um, life is cool. You know.

So what's your story. You're single and I'm single and you had a public breakup. I was so awful. Yeah. I fell in love really, really hard and fast last year and it was great, and you know, I was so google gagas I like to say, I was like, you know, disgusting. I was like obsessed with him, and yeah, he cheated on me with one of my followers the night. By the way, speaking of like, you know, looking pretty.

The next day, it was his birthday weekend and all of his friends were flying in to town for his birthday, and so I was like, you know, I want to look pretty for your party, to meet all your friends, going to stay home tonight, you go have a good first night at the club with your friends, and um, yeah, that's that's what was happened. But you know what, everything happens for a reason, and it's I'm I'm like very silver linings and I already feel like I wish him

the best, and I hope he gets therapy. He's he really really needs to go to therapy and needs to kind of work through some things. But like, sometimes relationships are to remind you of the capacity of your heart, as cheesy as that sounds, but it were like I hadn't been in love in a couple of years, and to be in love again and to remember how much I love being obsessed with someone and caring about them, and like having the closeness of a relationship was great.

So and oh my god, was that a good video I made? You know, Like I made a choice, Like I you know, I found out. My manager had to tell me, by the way, how did you tell you? He told me he did it publicly, and it's like, if you're going to cheat on someone, maybe don't cheat on a girl who every other girl in l A follows because it will get back to her in a fucking club. So like my army, my my trusted army, was like, my manager knew that I would never believe

him if he didn't have screenshots. He got the screenshots. I went over to his house. He was like, can you come over. It was a Friday afternoon. I was like, I'm tired. Can we can we just do this on Monday? I got I gotta go out. I have a dinner tonight. He was like, no, no, no, please come to my house. I drive over and he's like, you told me not to tell you anything unless I had receipts, and I

have receipts, so bad anyway. So then I was like devastated, crying, and I I was like, I'm just gonna record myself because this is very raw in the moment, and I'm going to see, you know what comes out. And then I thought, you know, so much shame is put on women with cheating and like it's so internalized for women if a guy cheats, it's like, oh, what was wrong with her? Nothing? Nothing, that guy couldn't keep his dick

in his pants. Like it's very I want to change this narrative of like, oh, it's something that happened to you, like you know, on you because of you know, it's something that someone does, right, it's a betrayal of trust. And so I was like, look, if this can bring any one piece or help them think about it a new way. And I said to my followers, like, I'm not embarrassed that I trusted the person that I love.

I'm not embarrassed that I fell in love. I'm not embarrassed that I was like you know, gushing about him and like obsessed with him and whatever. I am proud of that. And I got betrayed and that sucks, but ship happens, and I'll be okay. And if I can be an example to anybody going through it or in the future goes through it, then that can be a silver lining from this. So that's what I did. Yeah. Yeah, cheating is such a disappointment, so lame, especially at a club.

It's like what's I was like, really like at a club. Well, I guess it wouldn't be good anywhere. It's not like you'd be like, oh, that's a good place for you to cheat at me, like you know, like you'd be excited if it was a different content. Yeah it was, but it was so clear cut. I was honestly like in the text, I was like it for you. I was like, you made it really easy, buddy. You go. How long were you dating him? Not that long, like only like five months, but it was like said I

love you in three weeks. And it was the first guy who I'm not really like, I don't care that much about marriage and babies or I thought. And then he was the first guy where I was like I could see making a life with you. But again, and I'm coming off as toxically positive in this, but like when looking back, I was like, Okay, well maybe your role in my life was to show me that I do want that and that's really cool and that's exciting.

And and again, like I wish him the best and I hope he gets a lot of expensive therapy because that's why he needs I don't. I feel like a lot of people just need to be reminded a about their capacity, you know, to love. And also like my my girlfriend Whistler, like, we found this guy for her and they kind of have been hanging out and nothing has really happened, and I was like, it doesn't matter

if anything happens. This is a reminder that you can have a mad crush on someone because she's so into him. He's gorgeous, he's a great skier, blah blah blah, and she's all over it. She's like, oh my god, I love this feeling. I really don't even care if anything

happens either. It reminds me that I remember this feeling and that I can have it again, which I think half of the reason people come into our lives is to remind us of our feelings, and half the people that come into our lives aren't there for permanent amounts of time. So it's like people are coming in and out for reasons, and you should just pay attention to what those reasons are and use those people instead of thinking that they used you. Use everyone you meet for

an experience and for a different perspective. I totally agree, and I always tell the girls that my followers, I'm like, stop thinking about dating as like a zero sum game. Stop thinking about it as a means to an end, Like that's where we get into trouble. And that's where we get a little funcked in the head, is thinking like must date without getting hurt to find number one man, like meet forever. And it's like, what if we totally rebranded it, what if it was an era like teenagehood

or going to college. And it's just supposed to be a time where you learn about yourself often you learn about what you like. And if you reframe it in your mind that way, it's a lot more fun. It's a lot less pressure, and the person who you're supposed to be with, and I believe that there's multiple people out there for all of us will drop in when you're ready. But like, stop thinking about it like a video game. It's just it's not like it's not like

please just date, have fun. And like you said, look at every person like this is a funny experience, right, yeah, sometimes less funny than other, but who gives a ship? You know, a new experience is all is worthwhile regardless and even like you know, like I love that feeling about you know, the beginning when you have a crush I mean, who doesn't love that feeling. That's the best feeling out there is to have a crush on someone, To be looking at your phone seeing if they're texting you,

knowing you're going to see them. That is so much fun. And even a relationship, yes, relationships get deeper and stuff, but like there's no more enjoyable time, like when with me and my boy friend, when we started, like when I started liking him, I was like, this is so fun. Bet, You're so in love, Like you are so in love, and it's like, oh my god, it is so fun to watch. It's nice. It's just like when you see And by the way, I think I'm an Instagram relationship psychic,

and that's true. Anybody, all of my friends know you guys are so like sympatico and in love. It's insane and it's so nice to see. And that's the best, right, I think everyone you know. I feel like I very passionately that if this happened to me, because I was very much of the mind like, oh no, I'm single. I'm totally down, Like I like being single. I have my friends, I have my family, I have a life, Like I'm not I go I'm not going to get

that this life. I got too many other things, Like that's how I really thought about it, Like, well, who

am I to get that? On top of everything? So for me to get that makes me believe that every single person is going to get someone, you know what I mean if they are working towards he becoming the best version of yourself, which means actually having self awareness to go into therapy, understanding the impact you have on others, and making yourself like be really just like you know, on fire, like and you're firing on all cylinders in

every way your career, your personal, your professional, your health, all of that, you know, like when you really work to get yourself healthy, the stuff that is supposed to come for you comes for you. One agree you have to do the work you I I do believe that. I believe you have to show up for yourself and advocate for yourself and and be improving yourself so that you know, water seeks its own level. I really believe that too. Yeah, And what is your situation now? So

what do you do? Just date people? Like? How do you how do you date online? Like do you meet? Like if somebody hits you up on TikTok, will you go out with them? I mean most people meet on Instagram. Now, dating, I know, I I took a little bit of a break over the past couple of months, but I'm getting back into it. I went on a date on Sunday.

It was awful. You know, it's difficult. I'm at this weird middle ground where I'm like, I have enough internet fame that it's like not totally easy for me anymore. But I'm not famous enough where I can just ask my agent to like set me up with Harry styles Like, I'm not quite at that point yet, So I'm in like l a purgatory, which is, you know, losers want to date me because I have a blue checkmark, but really famous people like don't know who I am yet.

So I'm just sort of waiting through that and and kind of, like I said, he'll drop in when when I at least expected. I think when Harry and Olivia break up, you'll just wait for that to happen. Now, I don't know. I I'm getting back out there with dating. I don't mind dating. I don't mind I think I think it's fun and I believe it's a numbers game and you know, he's not just gonna come like knock on your door and be like here, I am your

dream guy. But I'm also just like really in love with work right now, which I understand that sentence makes everyone want a gag, but I'm just I'm so happy, Like I found my passion when I was almost thirty, and i just feel like I'm so energized by my work right now that I'm just I'm obsessed. So what do you do all day? You filled yourself around on my phone all day long, and that's your job. It's my job now. Yeah, I just eat bond bonds and and open pr packages and it's a beautiful life that

I'm creating for myself. And you have a new podcast coming out which is also an advice podcast everybody, So if you're not getting what you want from this podcast, you can move over to It's Me Tinks, which launches on February twenty one, which is a Monday. I'm so excited. Yeah, So it's a podcast. It's two podcasts a week and then one live radio show a week, which is just I'm so excited to be able to speak to my followers directly. And this is it's been my dream for

so long, and I'm just I'm fucking amped. I'm really it's really cool. Good for you. Yeah, yeah, it's cool. Thank you. Okay, well, Catherine, I think it's time to get going to get I mean, we have to see. Yeah, what Tinks is really made of. That sounds great. We'll take a quick ad break and we'll be right back with some emails and calls. Perfect. Okay, Tinks and I are from the bathtub, but we just rinsed off and we're ready to give some advice. I love that you

guys have a bathtub here. That's it's not it's a relational studio, but at least we have that. Have you ever taken a bath? To be honest here, I've never even taken a bath anywhere, So you're not a bath for no. No, I'm not a baby. I'm an adult and I like to get in and get the funk out. I think you're missing out on soaking in your own filth.

It's actually I have when I when I ski and I really really have wrecked my body, then I will get into a bath like for for age reasons, like transition my body into a into a more like combatible way of being. But no, I love yeah, I know some people love him. I'm British steep down, so I I really yeah. I love a bath. I I fucking love a bath of any time. I don't care people are like, oh, it's gross in a hotel. I'm like,

everything is dirty, everything shut up. Those same people will go in a hot tub at like you know, Hilton suits or whatever. So those are the people that are also ejaculating on the curtains. Okay, so I don't. I mean, first of all, it's understood that everything in a hotel room is dirty. And discussing that we all know what the deal is. So if you're going to submit to that, you may submit. You may as well submit. Yeah, at least made in your own filth. That's fine. So our

first question comes from Ali. The subject line is chronically single and surrounded by couples. She says, Dear Chelsea, my last long term relationship was about three years ago now, and since then, I've been having a hard time dating in Los Angeles. I'm very ready for a committed relationship. However, I tend to feel exhausted dealing with failed situation ships and constantly putting myself out there. What makes things more difficult from my perspective is that nearly all of my

close friends are in long term, committed relationships. I'm happy for them, but it can be difficult to again and again see people having what I very much want and haven't been able to find. I've considered taking a break from dating, but I have a hard time doing so given that it's something I really want and I know I'm ready for. What advice do you have for managing my feelings around dating and relationships? Warmly? Ali? Hi, Ali, this is a very common inquiry we received. You're a

dear Chelsea Tanks. Do you want to start off and give her your thoughts off the top of your head? Sure, off the top of my head. I think that you need to get new friends. No, I'm just kidding, but it can help to find some single friends, because I get it. Like I don't want to to gaslight you. It can be very difficult if all your friends are

in relationships and you're the only single one. That can be tiring and exhausting, especially if, like every weekend, it's just you're the fifth wheel, or you're going to their kid's birthday party and you're just like this is like I'm not here and it feels it feels weird, So I totally understand that. Secondly, you can't compare. Comparison is the thief of joy. So you're like, I'm happy for my friends, but you're still comparing, like ultimately deep down.

So I'm just giving a little bit of tough love there. You can't compare yourself to where you think you should be, and you can't compare yourself to your friends. You just have to focus on where you are in your life. And you said you don't want to take a break, but I honestly think sometimes taking a break from dating can be very energizing. Here's what I'll say about that, though, Set a time limit, give yourself a month and really

really take a break. Don't think about it, don't go in the apps, don't ask to be set up, and just really take a full month focus on yourself, work out, go on walks, hang with friends, get a new hobby, start a new show, whatever, and just take a full brain break from it. And when you come back, you're gonna feel more energized and more clear. Because it can it can become like an exhausting rat race. And if you're not excited to go on a date that will come through. So I think it's okay to take a

break and just and come back swinging. Yeah. I think that's all good advice. I also think that, you know, we say this a lot on this podcast, not to compare yourself to other people, and I it's easier said than done. So a little trick that you can do is, you know, you're looking at your friends who are in healthy, happy relationships, and you're looking at that as something you don't have, But yet that is something you have. It's something you have in your life that is giving you

a model of what you want. You're saying yourself, you have all these friends that are in these relationships. Instead of using that as a reminder of what you don't have, that's also a reminder of what you can have that's coming because it's already happening to your friends. They're all in relationships, so why would you be any different from them. No one's that special. You know that you get singled out of society and you're on end datable like, that's

just not the way it is. So instead of looking at that with the negative lens, try and flip that into a positive lens, you know, like, oh, here, I see it. That's definitely how I felt. I saw all of my girlfriends in these great relationships, and I thought, oh, I'm never going to have a guy that's not gonna you something like that for me, that's not gonna go out of his way for me, check in on me at the end of the day, do all the little things that I find to be so adorable that men do.

And guess what, I got one, So look at it, like just change that lens and that might be a helpful way to do that. And then again, yeah, take a break, refresh. That's sometimes all we need is just a little me time, you know, spoil yourself. Just get into like your own head and really think about what it is that you're looking for and write that down, because you know what. I did this with Sarah Silverman and my sister once I had to make up artist

in New York City. I have one named Mia and she I came to New York and she came in one day and she's like, oh my god, you're never gonna believe I wrote and made that list you told me about. And I was like, what what list? And she's like the list where you listed everything that you want and a guy and I was like, I've never made that list. I told you to do that. She's like yes, And I found him and he checks every box.

So I was like, oh. And so I was with Sarah Silverman and we did the same thing, and we all we both wrote a list, and then Sarah hooked up with her boyfriend not like six months before Joe and I hooked up. And then Joe and I hooked up and I read everything on my list and the only thing that didn't match on my list was I said, please give me somebody with a nice head of hair.

And it was the only shallow it was the only physical I just I said, I'll take any color, creed, doesn't matter where they're from, whatever I said, but I want a nice head of hair. And it was the only thing that I wrote that. I was like, just should you write that? And guess what? I got a bald motherfucker. So because true focus on the values and the qualities, don't be nervous to write anything like that.

You can write shallow stuff. You can say you want them to make a certain amount of money or whatever you like. You know, but so that you're you're familiar, so that when you do somebody does come into your life like that you can recognize, Oh wait, this matches my list. Be specific. It's so funny that you say that, because when I was in high school, I read this book and she literally said that, like, list out every

single thing you want in a partner. I'm like teen or whatever, writing down like whatever, bullshot a fifteen year old wants and a man or a partner. And like, literally, my husband checks every single box, every single one, like dark hair, light eyes, treats me this way. He's a musician, all these things. It's like if I remember she said, if you aim at nothing, you'll hit it, Like, well, I don't think she probably made that up, but like yeah,

get real, real specifica. I don't know why you put a nice hair, dark hair and got it and I didn't. That's the difference there. I literally said to him today, I'm like, I'm so glad you still have your hair, Like who knows how long it will last, but for now, I'm very grateful, very grateful. Well, now, while only date bald men, moving forward, it's worked well so far. Well. Our first call today comes from Alexa Alexa so calling in now right. I mean, you thought you could just

talk to her, but she she talks back. Subject line is divorced parents dating each other again. Dear Chelsea. My parents decided to end their marriage of forty three years during the pandemic because they realized they were no longer happy with one another. After their divorce, I finally saw happiness and my mom for the first time in a

long time. A few years back, I caught my dad having an affair, but was forced to keep it a secret from my mom because my dad told me it would ruin our family and there was a lot of gaslighting going on when I talked to her in our pre interview. Once the divorce had taken place and things calmed down, my sister and I told my mom what we knew about my dad and it brought us all closer than ever before. Fast forward a few months, my parents have found their way back into each other's lives

and it's very uncomfortable, to say the least. My mom and sister keep telling me I need to get over everything my dad has put us through since they've gotten over it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. With love and gratitude, Alexa, and she's here on the phone with us as well. Hi, Alexa, this is Tangs Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So wow, that's quite a quite a history with your parents. I hate that you had to hide that from your mother per

your father. What a lame thing for him to do, huh, super lame like gas lighting and just like making me feel as though I was in the wrong for his mistakes. And so they that happened before COVID. Then during COVID they ended up getting divorced, so they didn't get divorced because of that. They did not get divorced because of it. Um, I hadn't disclosed that information to my mom. After they did get divorced, I like finally saw joy and her face and like some sort of freedom when they finally

did end up getting divorced. And then my dad started dating someone and it like wrecked my mom to see him with another woman and happy. So then my sister and I were like, effort, We're gonna tell her, like she needs to move on and see that he hasn't always been this prince charming. Um. So he did tell her and she was very much so like I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, Like I

wish that you didn't have to keep it a secret. Um. She knew that I was in therapy for for many years, and then her and my dad started dating again a few months ago, and her and my sister are telling me that I should be over it by now that I've already done the therapy. What's taking so long? I need to move on and forgive and forget. But I've had a very difficult time doing so. Yeah, I bet, I bet I would too. But really, how does your

mom seem now dating your dad? She seems happy. I mean, I know that she still has some trust issues where if her friends invite her to go out on the weekends, she feels obligated to choose him in fear of him like getting bored and maybe hanging out with another woman. So are they are they exclusively dating? Do you know anything about Like have they said, oh, we're just seeing each other exclusively or is there an arrangement or because

I mean I can understand why she has trust issues. Yeah, absolutely, so they are seeing each other exclusively from what I've been told by my mom. But they both have their own place and like they'll kind of do a weekend together, like where he'll sleep over for the weekend, then Sunday back to their normal lives. And what's your sister's story. She didn't catch your dad cheating, but she knows because

of you, right, he knows because of me. And her and I are extremely close, and I felt like she was the only one that I could turn to at that time, so we were very supportive of one another. And her and my mom were very close because my mom helps out with her children a lot. So once my mom was okay with everything, they kind of were buddy buddies, saying like, Okay, now it's time for you to get over it. And I would like to because I love my dad and I love my family, but

I've had a very hard time doing so. And I feel as though, like, because of this situation, I've had a hard time with men in general. I know you can relate to that definitely. Yeah, absolutely. I find men to be completely untrustworthy. You know, they have to like, yeah, they have to prove themselves to be trustworthy before I trust them. It doesn't they're like, oh, just trust until

they do something untrustworthy. It's like, no, I mistrust men now because there's just been too much there's too much data to back my theory up, which is not a theory. Okay, so well, first and foremost, you know that you can't control your mother and like or your father or what they're gonna do. So you have to become accepting in a way of this period of time because you don't know where it's gonna go, and you don't know if he's just going to do something to upset her again

or if he learned his lesson the last time. You know, and and even if he hasn't, this is your mother's mistake to make again. She hasn't learned her lesson. You know her lesson isn't done being taught to her, and that you can't enforce that on your mother. All you can do is be loving and supporting. You don't have to go on dates with them. You don't have to

like orchestrate things. You can say, I'm not that interested in this dynamic and I don't want to be around it unless it becomes more serious, and you guys decide to get back together because I've been through a lot with your relationship, which is totally reasonable. But you can't you know, they do have a point. You do have to get past it. You can't live someone else's life for them. It's just impossible. And I would have the same feelings you do. I would totally be like, what

the funk are you doing? But you have to treat your mother like she's your daughter, like you just have to support her and love her and just be there for her and know that whatever is meant to happen will happen, and that you worrying about it will affect the outcome. Zero. That's the that's the thing. It's just a waste of your energy and a waste of your mind share. So every time you catch yourself thinking well, what if or what's going to happen, that's just literally

taking up your precious brain space. So just create a new neural pathway and say not my monkey, not my circus. And that's tough with families because it's like, you know, in a way, it's like the close as people to you, But at the end of the day, you never understand the dynamic of other people's relationships, even when it's your family, even when it's your parents, and you have to just say, you know, it's not it's not my job to worry about them or or warn my mom or police them.

It's just it's just not Yeah, that is really good advice. I think that what was so hard is seeing how broken she was when she did um see that he was happy with someone else. And I am so fearful of him doing that again to her, and like you said, being having to be her mom for that situation, which of course I will. I think it's just been more so like a fear of mine, But it definitely is something that I would love to move past. Yeah, and you can also look at it just because he did

that and you caught him cheating. Was it multiple times or was it once? There were a lot of shady events and behaviors, but the time that I found the text messages was just once. Uh huh. So you were looking through his stuff. No, I was actually taking an exam in his office on his computer, and I, like,

you know how on MacBooks, the messages pop up up. Yeah, in the middle of like an exam that I had been preparing for for weeks, like my heart belongs to you baby, like heart emojis, and I just got sick to my stomach. I failed the exam. Oh god, no wonder as well. That's like a traumatic way to find out, and it's it's like encroaching on your life and in your you know, business, And I understand why you're so

upset by it. Yeah, you think you're sitting there taking an exam and you're on it your in two our lifetime movie, Like how that is really disappointing your father is that's embarrassing and you have every right to be pissed at him for that event. But listen, he's going to show his true colors at some point, you know, and if they're if his colors have changed and he's not going to be like that, he'll show that too. But like you're being fearful again, is not fueling anything

but your own miss givings. Like it's just making your situation uncomfortable. And so there's a more laws, A fair attitude you can have about the whole thing. Doesn't mean that you're gonna be involved in it. It just means like, yeah, go for it, you guys, do whatever you're gonna do. I'm doing my thing. I love both of you and good luck, you know what I mean, And just let it go. And even if it's like a meditation. You have to say to yourself every morning, I'm gonna let

this go. I'm gonna let this go. Just keep repeating that to yourself like a little mantra until you get over the hump that you're on, and then you will get to the other side of it, and you'll notice that you care a lot less because you're fearful of your mom's feelings being hurt and her heart being broken again, which are completely valid things to be fearful of, but

they're not serving you or her. Yeah, that's that's definitely great advice because I've been in therapy for it for quite some time and I've done like the activities where it's like write a letter to your dad and read it to your therapist and then I leave and I'm like, I'm more angry than I was going into it. I like to write a letter exercise, I'm like, I can never get through the letter because I'm so fucking piste off my heart. Yeah, and then we spell check if

you type your letter into your phone. I'm like, oh my god, are you kidding. I don't understand why spell check doesn't correct spelling it. Every time I write thank you, it changes it to you, owe you it's getting worse. Why would that be the correction? Terrible Anyway, I think you'll be fine and you'll find out soon enough what's going to happen, and then you can you know, react to that. Yeah, definitely all right and again then yeah, yeah, keep us posted though, let us know what happens with

your parents. I absolutely will. Thank you both so much. Yeah, thank you, by Alexa, have a good day, he too. This reminds me though, when my parents were growing up. I fucking hated my father for a long time. He was an asshole and I was a bit and I remember trying to convince my mother to leave him so that she and I could go live alone somewhere. And I was like, you know, he's probably having multiple affairs. And my mom's like what and I said, and I

was like, well, I mean just think about it. He's gone all the time, he's always going outside to take phone calls. I was like, everything shady with him. I didn't know if my father was having affairs. I just assumed and I was trying to get to my mother against him, and my mom was just like I remember her going to my sister's going Chelsea says dad is having affairs. Do you think that's true. My sister's like, you are such a cunt, Like, why are you trying

to blow up this family. I'm like, I just want us to get our own place without dad there um, but I'm glad that I never had to deal with that in the flesh. Parents and protecting your mother from her feelings, it's just like an impossible tiresome it's not. Yeah, it's a thankless job. And it's like you gotta at some point just cut it and say it's it's not my life. It's not. It's like it feels like your family is your entire life. But when you're grown up,

you're grown up. You gotta let them sort their own ship out. Yeah, even if your dad is an even if your dad is a fun boy la. Our next call comes from Nicole. Subject line is fiance's very close friend. Dear Chelsea, I'm in a dilemma. A year ago, my fiance started spending more time at work and texting with his female coworker. He said they were just friends, but then he went out with her for dinner and drinks and had her over at our apartment while I was

hundreds of miles away visiting family. Nothing happened, but I told him this friendship makes me uncomfortable, especially since they came over to our apartment and now he talks about her all the time and they're buying each other gifts. I love him, but he refuses to cut off contact. And I'm not saying he should. But now he and this female coworker joke that I hate her. I'm so frustrated. Am I overreacting? What should I do? Is it time

to walk away? Help? Nicole? Oh? This is a good one, hin, Nicole? Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi, good, This is Tanks. Hi. Nice to meet you, So nice to meet you. Uh so, Oh my god, that's annoying. That sounds like an annoying situation. How close are they? I would say they're pretty close. I mean they work together, and even just this last Friday, they you know, spent the day going out to eat, going to see like attractions, and really just hanging out and spending the whole day

even though I was at home. That sounds like a date. Honestly, spending the whole day together and going out to eat and seeing attractions to me, sounds like a date. That's I just don't think that that's respectful to you at all. What's his excuse, like when you say, why are you so close to her? When you talk about it? Well, like, what does he say is it? Does he have any language to explain why he's doing this or what's the what's the conversation between you and him like about her? Yeah?

Of course, really it's that they're just got really really close at work, and that she's somebody he can lean on, and that she's just a really, really really good friend. But as I said before, I think there's a little bit of disrespect that I'm feeling at least. Yeah, I'm assuming she's not in a relationship. Do you know she's single? And when you've asked him about his feelings for her, have you delved into that, like in a deeper way,

like do you feel attracted to her? Yeah? So when they first started hanging out, he actually kind of admitted that, you know, he was trying to figure out his feelings for her. But then he pretty much was like, no, no, she's just a good friend. She's just a good friend. But I think what also hurts me is the language

she uses sometimes for all of his friends. He's like I love them, but when he says I love her, it just really hurts me in a way that it's really really hard, especially when you love somebody, you know, it's like we're engaged. It's really tough, and I don't want to tell them who to hang out with. But I also I feel like there's some boundaries that I think have been crossed that I are really hard for me to get over. How frequently do they hang out?

I mean, obviously they see each other every day at work, but you know they're going out at least once a month. They're buying each other gifts. He's bought her massages. So there's just a weird dynamics. Yeah, no, that is weird. All of it is weird. And yeah, you your boundaries have been crossed, absolutely, And when do you have you ever hung out with both of them together? Yeah? He kind of like forced me to be like, Hey, you're gonna meet her, You're gonna love her, and like you're

gonna want to be best friends with her. But I mean, she's awesome, and I'm all about empowering other women, but you know, there's just a line that I feel like has been cross that I'm not comfortable with. Yeah, I think that's valid, Tanks. I like that you brought up that it's like a lack of respect situation, because at first, blush, I think this is this email, this question can seem like is he cheating or isn't he? But I think

there's more nuance going on here. And what do you guys think about Like the fact that they're kind of joking around about, oh you hate her, blah blah blah. To me, that almost makes me feel like there are there's less romantic attraction if they're so open about it. I don't really know. I just know that that's like a really uncomfortable dynamic. And as his fiance, I think that he's supposed to be your number one cheerleader, the person who makes you feel safe and comfortable at all times.

And the fact that they're kind of have a joke about you is like really kind of nasty to me and kind of just like it's leaving you out right, like it's it's them two against you, whereas he should

always be you're his number one. You're about to enter into a legal union with this person, so he shouldn't really be joking around like, oh yeah, she hates you, and also what you said when when she went to your house when you were away and you said nothing happened, Like, to me, the fact that you're being forced to have the conversation of did anything happen with your fiance is so utterly disrespectful to you, Like, I just don't think that that's a conversation you want to be having with

someone who you're about to marry. I don't think that's fair to you. And I really think that the line has been crossed, Like there's no question this boundary has been totally blown. When's the wedding? We actually don't have a date yet. You know, we got engaged in December and then this whole thing popped up around March, a couple of months later, so I really hadn't had the time to really think about that yet. So this is

kind of put some things on pause for me. And I'm like, I'd rather figure out what's going on before I get into a commitment. That to me, I feel like it's almost not about it's not like her and it's not like is he cheating? But it's like what in him is allowing him to do this behavior? Or what you know, what is this a deeper symptom of it's I don't necessarily think he's cheating, but it's like, I don't know that's it's something else. It kind of feels like that. And I have always felt like, oh,

this isn't really a thing that exists. But people talk about having like an emotional affair. What do you guys think about that? Do you think they're real? Do you think that's what this is? Well? I think that's valid. I mean, people do have emotional affairs. But I also think like if he was he admittedly admittingly was struggling with his feelings for her when he met her, that in and of itself should be the beginning, middle, and

the end of that. Like, okay, so when when he discovered that he wasn't attracted her or that he didn't have those feelings for her, then why continue to escalate the relationship? You know? Like that all is very fuzzy and there's just too many things there that point to him a disrespecting you because I would never do that. I would never hang out with somebody that my boyfriend didn't know on the regular, especially when he asked me not to. I would never like disrespect him like that.

So and I'm pretty of my own mind, but I understand that completely, and you have every reason to go like listen, I were engaged. So you and I need to have to sit down and I need to have a really clear understanding of what's going on with you and this relationship with her, because clearly you are drawn to her and getting her things from her that you're not getting from me, and in turn, you're disrespecting me.

So you can see it my way or not, but this is how I feel, and my feelings are valid, and until I understand like why this relationship is even necessary, I'm sorry if it causes me this much discomfort. It's something that you need to consider not having in your life. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's not about empowering other women. It's about not dis empowering yourself.

M Yeah, agreed. I can't thank you guys enough. This has really been eye opening for me, and I'm just to get some perspective from someone else who's out there. And when you talk to him, like you know, just it doesn't have to be heated. Obviously it may get that way, but just be like, listen, out of respect for our relationship. I need to understand why you are not. You told me you had feelings for this girl that

you were trying to figure out. If you had feelings for this girl, then you don't, but you continue to hang out with her and you talk about her and now you love her. You have to understand that's not comfortable for me. So unless you can really map this out for me, like I need you know, we need to think about our future. You want to be engaged.

This is our engagement. Yeah. Yeah, and if you can't get it figured out just the two of you without it like turning into a blow up or him feeling like, well I'm not allowed or any of those things, like go have a couple of sessions with a therapist, like just go talk to somebody. M Yeah, we're looking into that, so we'll see if that it comes to it. Yeah,

that's always a good avenue to explore anyway. Yeah, it's good to have a third party to just kind of help you work through things for sure, and keep in touch Nicole, let us know how it works out. Okay. I will thank you guys so much for your help today. Oh yeah, no problem, thanks to call. Yeah, that's not right. That sounds off, That's okay. Our next question comes from jess She says, I'm Jessica. I'm a thirty three year old woman who's raising an incredible four year old daughter.

I made the challenging decision to divorce her father at the beginning of this year. The marriage included a few types of non physical abuse, and my decision to leave was strongly influenced by the love I have for my daughter. I want her to see me as an example of a woman who does not wait for permission to find wholeness and personal fulfillment, but instead steps up and makes it happen in her own life. I work full time as a nurse. Post divorce, I've spent some time in

therapy and really focused on introspection. I'm reaching a space where I want to consider dating, and I'm working through how I want that to look in my life. I have not dated or attempted to date in the time post divorce. I've gained weight and feel a bit uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm working on eating healthy and balancing space for exercise. There are times when I feel like I shouldn't date until my body looks and feels the way I think it should. There's a bit of

unworthiness and lack of self esteem mixed in. My question for you is this, how do I overcome my feeling of unworthiness to date while at a larger size? Thanks Chelsea Jess. Well, we were just discussing this. Literally, I was like, I have to pull this email up. Yeah. Yeah, clearly we've said this before and I'm sure we'll say it again, But like, I get it. I understand. I just told stories about how obsessive I was with my weight.

I'm in a different place right now and now mentally about weight, and I understand that what you think you see a the world doesn't see. Yes, you probably gained weight, Okay, I mean you can measure that on a scale, but that doesn't preclude you from your value and from your There are a million things to fall in love with in a person you know, and anyone who's focused solely on the weight a you don't want to be with anyway.

So that's there you go. If somebody said, oh, if you gained twenty pounds, I wouldn't be with you, then you would never go on a date with them to begin with. So don't worry about it. And one of my friends is dating this guy and he's really really good looking, and she doesn't think she's good looking enough for him. And she's like, well, he's friends with this girl and this girl, and this girl's like a supermodel,

and this girl's like a supermodel. Like I said to my friend, I'm like, there are a million things to fall in love with about you. I fell in love with you all my my whole family is in love with you. My friends are in love with you, Like I fell in love with you, and it wasn't about your looks. Like I didn't fall in love with you

because of your looks. So remember that, like, we don't all represent the same things and the same values, Like looks is not a value even that is like a fleeting thing that you know people work hard to present like. This is a great time for you to be dating and meet someone when you don't feel like you're at

your best. This is a great experiment and opportunity for you to push through those feelings and present yourself and find somebody who really loves you for who you are instead of what you think you know provides value to you, right and myself being a fuller figured woman I've always been fuller figured, I've always been curvy, I've always had huge boobs, and like, let me just say, not every guy is looking for a skinny girl. They're just not. Not every guy is going to be like, oh my god,

you gained ten pounds. This is unacceptable, like tink set earlier, like you are the only person who's noticing that everybody else is noticing. When I'm pmss ng, I just posted something about this recently. When I'm pmss ng, I feel my grossest, you know, because you just feel bloated. You're like you have gas, You're like period farts. It's disgusting, and you're just like, and my boobs are getting so big. I just look like one big hitted monster right before

I get my period. And Joe loves it. He's like, this is the hottest you ever are this time during the month. He's like, I just love when your stomach sticks out a little and you're bloated. I'm like, fuck you, I hate you know, I hate that feeling, But like he loves that, Like, how great is that You're gonna

find somebody who loves you for who you are? Yeah, and no one has ever fallen in love based on looks alone, like at all, that's that's the thing, Like, no one is ever going to be like, oh I fell in love with her because she's perfectly perfect looking, Like that's not real. And and like Chelsea said, if someone is only dating for your looks, you would never want to be with them anyway, Like there is so

much more to you than your than your looks. Like I I always say to my followers, my body is the least interesting thing about me, and I like it that way. I really couldn't care. Like you are a meat covered skeleton on a rock that is hurtling through space. Never forget that, like it truly, it's the It's the last thing that you should worry about, and honestly, don't worry about. Oh are they going to think this about me? Are they going to think that about me? What about?

Do you like them? Why don't? Why don't you go into it thinking what am I looking for? I want someone who's kind, I want someone who's works really are Like that should be your lens going into dating, not like, oh my god, I gained a couple of pounds, like that's just shift your mindset and focus on the attributes that you want to find in a person and then and then that will come back to you. I really do believe that we uh, we receive the energy that

we give out. Yeah, and it's easy to create new habits, new neural pathways, new habits. It's so much easier than people think. You just have to take that step, start doing it. And it might not click right away, you know, reframing things. It might not click, but it will click if you are consistent and you practice it, it will come together. Yeah. Yeah. And also, never ever put any part of your life on hold to be at a

st or for anything. You can never say oh, i'll do this when or I'll be happy when Like that's not that's a moving target, and you cannot You can't put your life on hold. I completely agree with that. That's not how it works. Yeah. Yeah, Well let's head to a quick break and we'll come back with more tinks than Okay, right, and we're back from break? Are we back from break? Okay, we're back. Tanks were back. We're back. Sorry, Tanks was underneath the table again. She

keeps going under there. I don't know what you think is under there. It's just got racy a lot of sexual innuenda is flying around tanks. Did you have a question or a piece of advice you'd like to ask Chelsea for? Oh, I hope you do. I do. We've we've touched on it a little bit, but I want your advice on My followers love to know about my personal life and my dating life, and I love to talk about it. I do. But how have you found the right balance over the years of telling telling about

your dating life and your personal life? And what are your tips for that? And and is it evolving or do you have any hard lines where you're like, I'm not going to share this or I'm going to share this after the fact. Yeah, I think do you feel like you overshared your last relationship? Is that where this is coming from a little bit, But it's more so that it's just it's actually to be dick on the table.

It's making dating a little bit difficult because I don't if I'd say it in real time, it feels like I'm kind of Truman showing myself. But my followers like to know. So now I've swung back all the way where I'm not telling them anything about my dating life. But I want to find a middle ground. So and I also just like with the guys I date, I don't want I certainly don't want them to date me

because they think I'm going to talk about them. But it's hard to find something, you know what I mean, it's just not want to date me because they know I'm going to exactly whatever. And so that's kind of why I swung. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna say anything because I don't want to turn any guys off and whatever, and I need to keep something for myself. But at the end of the day, my followers are my best friends in my life and I love them, and I talk about dating and I want

to report from the field. So it's like it's really hard to find that balance, especially living in l A. I think my advice on that would be to always

you can always still share with your followers. Giving people a little bit of information that you are dating, that you went on a date, that you like someone, without giving away who that person is until it's in a really solid place is probably just the only advice I would have to say about that, because that way you are sharing, like oh, and then there's an anticipatory nuance to everything with your followers because they know, like, okay, you're like I am dating there is somebody, and as

soon as it's something worth mentioning, and as soon as we're like together as a couple, then I will share it with you guys, because you're gonna want to share that when you are in love with somebody. There's no way you're not gonna And so you the only part you want to keep private, or people's identities until you've sussed them out and until you decided you're in a

serious relationship with somebody. So I think it's good to share that stuff when it's real and when you're feeling it and you had that experience for a reason, you know, like you're not going to do that again necessarily, even though you're followers loved it because it's completely relatable. You did it a guy who ended up poking up. You know, if that could happen to you, that could happen to anybody what they're thinking. So I think it's important to

be honest with everybody. You know, you don't have to lie, but you don't have to divulge other people's identities and give away all of the details always. That's what I would say that's that. I think, yeah, yeah, I like that. That's good, right, Katherine. Do you have any advice that you need an answer to? Yes, I actually do so

a friend of mine we both have dogs. Our dogs are the same age, and we kind of go back and forth like babysitting each other's dogs, like even if it's for a couple of days or even a week, like we know our dogs are safe in each other's hands. Her dog is a lot more work than our dog. Her dog has to wear diapers that have to be hand washed, and like barks all the time, starting at six in the morning. And he's very sweet and we

love him, but he's a pain in the ass. So said friend has recently had a baby, and baby's about three or four months old, and I really want to be there for her and help her out and like take some things off her plate as she's dealing with new motherhood. But her husband has started going on like week long trips for work every month, and they want us to take the dog for like basically a week every month just so she doesn't have like something else

to deal with. She does have a nanny that comes and helps during the day, so there's that but I'm struggling with like do I say yes every time even

though it's like he's a drain when he's there. But I also, like my nice Midwestern heart like wants to be there for my friend, and you don't say yes every time, you know, like like once in a blue moon, blue moon, I don't know, But no, you're beer the way too generous, Like you are a good friend and you have been a good friend, and you are showing up for her, and the fact that you're even having these common station with yourself is like shows how much

you care. But you can't. You didn't have the fucking baby. Yeah yeah, and you your husband isn't going on mountain trip week long whatever fucking hike in excursions like you need to know, like once in a while he's taking in the attractions taking I need someone to take me action. I haven't seen attractions in months. Oh my god, me neither.

I haven't seen attractions anywhere. Yeah, you that's bullshit. First of all, she needs to sort that out with Also the diaper thing like that means take it to a trainer, figure it out, Like if she can staple his asshole shut, and then you could babysit for her fucking dog a diaper, like it's too time, too far, and you need to

see your way out. You just gotta go. Listen. I want to be there for you and all you know, I do want to help you, but it's become a little bit much like a couple of days with your dog is one thing. Oh we isn't. I can't be there. You guys have to figure this out between the two of you, not me, you know. Okay, thank you guys. That's honest. Asked again, how had him? How confused we

get when we're in our own situation? I know it's so true, and that you said you're like, oh and two wonderful women yell know at you when you know that's funny? Well, Tanks were can everyone to find you? I'm at Tanks on TikTok at, It's me Tanks on Instagram, and listen to my new podcast, It's Me Tanks. Thanks, thank you, that was so much fun. Thanks And if you like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.