Adult Baby Doll with Fortune Feimster

my Spanish was deteriorated in Spain. I think the last week was the worst because I had three full Spanish speakers there and well, you also speak Spanish, and I realized just how basic and fundamental my Spanish is. So I told him no more speaking English at home. This We're only speaking Spanish from now on. And so now I can't understand anything the funk that's happening. I don't know what she's talking about, but I we're sticking with it,

and I'm learning. Mam Bell is also dual LINGO now for yeah, Well she I'm just like, listen, We're just gonna fucking figure it out. She loves to correct me, so it's perfect. This is a huge a tudity for her to put me in my place. It's like a total status shift. So I am winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year. I have my last dates coming up, and these are the last opportunities.

You have to also buy merch from the website Chelsea Handler dot com if you want Vaccinating Horny merch or Captain's hats that say We're the Captains now for women only, our t shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry because they should be. I only have a few dates left. I'm going to be in Wheatland, California, this Saturday night, and then I'm going to Tucson, Arizona

next weekend. November five is Tucson, November six is Colorado Springs, and then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa, a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord, New Hampshire, Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania, there I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California, and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. So this will be

the last of me performing. How do you feel about that? Very relieved and excited. I mean, I have had a really fun time touring. I liked my schedule. Three months on, one month off, three months on, and now these last couple of dates, I just have like two shows each weekend, which is totally doable, and so now my special will come out. Now I can use these shows to come up with my next hour. I just don't know what I'm going to talk about. Do you try out like

new material as you're sort of closing out of show. Yeah, I've been trying out some new material. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to come up with an hour, so I've got to really use these dates to do it because I have all the time, you know what I mean, Like I could stay on stage for two hours and screw around, but I've been doing this set for so long. I'm sorry. I can't stop touching my breast. I have this weird sports brawn today that's like turning them into

yeah us and I don't like that feeling. And then they also look like they're coming It's not the right look. I've already got a unit boo going on too, but it's more because of my shirt, like the design on my shirt, which is what's his name, Eddie from my Iron Maiden brand, But yeah, he's is that a real person? Because I mean, I wish so. I love spooky things.

I'm also hosting the Critics Choice Awards, you guys. That's exciting on January, Yes, which you'll be aired on what Never Work is at c W. I'm not sure c W great, Yeah, But I do want to talk about something Katherine, that I learned about you. I want to say first, I forgive you because on the way over I forgot I had a COVID test because I'm doing a TV show in the morning, the Talk, and I made a little let us wrap with some ground turkey

and some onions. And normally when we're doing a podcast, I wouldn't do that, you know what I mean, I wouldn't have onions when I'm coming in to speak so closely and sit so closely next to you. But as you revealed over our vacation, in my worka you bring hard boiled eggs onto fucking airplanes as a snack, not two or three like nine trainer. There was a photo that her husband Brad showed supplied me with. This is after my foot breakdown because of people and their bare

feet on planes. I'm still having a massive influx of pictures of feet out on airplanes, and I just want to let everyone know if they're wearing socks, that is not as offensive as a barefoot. It is the bare foot that is not clevered or clean or hygienic, and it's inappropriate. It's like a it's disgusting. And they're putting their feet on stuff like screens. Some people are putting them on the ceiling. Some people are putting them on

the windows. It's just gross to have your bare feet exposed, and also on a dirty, dirty vessel like an airplane. But back to you, I am flabber gas sooner I was, You're at a flabber gastado because I cannot believe that you would think that that is acceptable. That is the worst smell there is. I know it's pretty bad. I have been known to bring a full bag of eggs on a plane, you know, to share with people. Share.

No one wants to share. It's just like a perfect little shot of protein, and I know it's it's pretty bad. It's pretty heinous. But if you want the protein, get something else, get a full protein bars make you fart on planes, I'm convinced, well, they make you fart anyway and on planes, But the good protein bars actually don't make you fart. But there's other ways to get protein, and you need to find out what they are. I

do love a beef jerky. That's not that great either, by the way, that smells, so that's better than hard boiled eggs, though I mean eggs you need to eat right away so the smell is gone and they're not warm. And I love hard boiled eggs. I have a whole refrigerator of that because that's where they belong, in the refrigerator at home, not untraveled. Speaking of hard boiled eggs, I have my longtime girlfriend here today. Her name is well, actually, why don't you say a few words and see if

anybody can recognize your voice. This is Chelsea's girlfriend. She's she's not only my girlfriend, she's also in a marriage and I'm part of their throuble. This is the theme in my life as I'm a third wheel to lots of different couples. I know, I know because I put out left right and sets her. No, No, we haven't ever had sex yet, but I'm still we're still in a throat all, we're in an emotional trouble. It's Fortune Feamster. Everybody.

You may know her from you. We would probably have been introduced to her on Chelsea Lately, where I was introduced to her, and now the whole world gets to enjoy her. And she just walked into my podcast office or whatever the funk this is and she I was like, oh, Fortune person. I was grabbing her leg. I'm like, this feels smaller than normal. And you revealed that you'd lost forty pounds because she played a c I agent c I a CEE I not a clatorial investigator, a Central

intelligence officer, central Intelligence agent agent. And her most recentse in a Netflix show. Yeah, it's gonna be on Netflix. Sits with Arnold Schwartzenegger. Oh is that how you say his name, Arnold Schwartzenegger. I don't. I have a very thick accident. I don't pronounce anything right. Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's a very tricky name to say, so we'll just call him Big Arnold. Was how was that I was working with Arnold? It was awesome. I was out in Toronto

for five months filming. Yeah, and it was all action stuff. I was, you know, running, I know I was running, had a gun stuff. Wow, you'll be very turned on. I can't wait to see that. So six months there. If I've meant to tron too. I saw you had to cancel some gigs because you got trapped there. Had to cancel my European tour because production got extended for almost a month. Oh yeah, and you also have a new Netflix special that just came out. Congratulations on that.

Thank you. It's called Good Fortune. Why why didn't you do Fortune Cookie? I don't know. I didn't think about for the next one, the next one. Yeah. If you just put your name in everything, like I put my name in everything, nobody could tell the difference between one thing or the next. It works. Yeah, it's my my new hour. I'm very happy with its awesome. Thank you. I shot in Chicago while I was filming this action show. So when do you think you'll be going back on

the road. Um, I'm gonna do like club dates in November and December around California, and then announced a big tour starting the end of January. Oh, great hit a bunch of new cities with new materials. So if you have any ideas of things that should talk about, let me ship. I know I have talked the same boat.

I'm just wrapping up this tour and I'm like, okay, I have to come up with some new material and I'm like, I should be doing it now since I already taped my special, but since my special isn't out yet, I just keep holding on to the same show. I don't know fucking time for any creative juices right now.

That's the hardest part about putting out a special is riding a whole new agg I just I know, I know, tell me about you because when I there are certain comics that like to run their hour before they tape it, like two hundred times. I can't do that. I like run it seventy or seventy five times, and then I'm theater dates after I've run it in clubs, so maybe like eighty five altogether. But I can't go past a hundred because then I'm just sick of my own material. I this one, I did a lot. I did a

hundred cities and about a hundred sixty shows. Wow, that's a lot. Fifteen of those were post filming sows, right, And were you able to come up with some new material while you were doing those new shows or did you? Yeah? And then you have to and then here you go back on the road and you have to startch five minutes into an hour. You're like, ohh ship, isn't it funny? Every single time. It's the same thing with a book. Every single time I'm done writing a book, I'm like,

that's it. I'm done, nothing left. And then of course you're like, fuck, I gotta write another book and I gotta do another stand up show. How many books have you written now? Uh? Six? Six? I'm on my seventh right now, I'm writing a new one. And and I just had a phone call with my editor this morning and I'm like, listen, this is all over the shop and she's like, do you want to show me some stuff. I'm like, nope, it's not made for anyone to see. I've never written a book. I thought you did write.

Oh that seems weird, like everyone from Chelsea lately wrote a book. I didn't. I was I didn't think at the time that people wanted to book for me. I felt like it wasn't the right time. But I feel like I'm maybe have a book in me now. Yeah. Absolutely, I feel like everybody has a book in I've never I've never done it. Yeah, well that seems like something you should tackle that. Do you want to write it for me? Yeah? I love. I would love to be

a ghostwriter. Can you imagine you trying to write my story? And then this bitch had some brownies? Oh, like I saw the clip we did. We did an episode of night show. I think it was a Netflix show where we all did cannabis. We had a cannabis dinner and fortune was definitely the highest and the funniest for about They actually set me my social media team set me clips of that dinner and I was like, you're not capturing how ridiculous this got. I was like, go back

and look at the footage. You need that, we need the out takes. Out takes. We laughed until we couldn't breathe. You thought she thought there was military inside my house. She's like, is that man wearing a military uniform? I'm like, what he had on? Camo pants? And he was he was the lighting guy and he was breaking the lights down and I started yelling no lights left. I was high for like six days after that dinner. I mean it was because it was a cannabis infused dinner, so

that the food, everything, everything. So just when you thought you couldn't get higher, you did. And she had never had no self control with food. Well, but you also don't have any self control with cannabis because you had never done it before. Never. Yeah, I had not done a lot of edible so I didn't know the ratios. And I can't believe you didn't get sick. I don't I was high until noon the next day, but I did not get sick. But everything was very fuzzy. Yeah.

My one of my eyes didn't open the next day until eight p m. It was a wild time. But you we did, you know, go through the stages of laughing uncontrollably. We got so hungry after the dinner. Your assistant was gonna go get us burgers, and I went, yeah, I want a burger, and then you get or we could just get a wrap. And I was like, oh, wrap what You're gonna get high and eat something semi healthy? What?

And then I came to under peer pressure and I went, yeah, she's like she's like, I'll have a turkey rap spinached dortia, good memory, that's exactly whatever. Some some good fats on there, like avocano. What drugs did we try and didn't? I give you a little mushroom in Montreal, Yeah, but I didn't end up doing it. Oh Jack jack too much? Somebody gave me don't work. I think he has a high tolerant. Those were weak ones. Actually, you know how I knew they were we I so this guy gave

me light, medium, and then strong. I would have heard of my friend Allison's house one day and she's like, oh, you have to try these mushroom gummies. I was like, oh my god, mushrooms are my favorite. That's more. I like mushrooms more than cannabis. And because they just make you awake. I've never had mushrooms. I know, well, why we don't know. I'm that Nancy Reagan campaign and really stuck with me. But you're a lesbian and she wouldn't.

She wouldn't approve of that either. Fortune, so you need to divorce yourself. You have to divorce yourself from Nancy Reagan. Fortunate as someone who had never done mushrooms, and I did like one of those little light gummies. When we were in ma Yorka with Chelsea, it was so chill you barely feel it. You just giggle, you have a great time, and then you like feel yourself kind of coming down from it at the end of dinner, like it's not scary. I'm pretty chill though already. Do you

think I need to be chilling? It just it's a good point, Like I guess it would be already. Maybe I'm already on mushroom and maybe I don't know. I saw that trip you guys took. Now. Chelsea had two groups of friends come visit her in ma Yorka. The first group they were doing like forty mile bike rads and I was like, no thanks. And then the second group was like we're eating dinner every night where everyone's bringing food. I was like, that's the that's the group

for me. Yeah, I had. Actually there was a group preceding those two groups, so there were three groups. The second group where these exercise maniacs all my friends from Whistler and and who basically left my Orca ran a marathon in Berlin and then came in six in the World Championships for triathlog the little the little that little claym muscle. Yeah, she's she's a fucking lunatic. That's not want well by the way I listen. I actually I was like, this is too much exercise, Like one night

I had heat stroke. I was like, this is too much. But then when the last group came in, I turned into and and I took like four of them. I'm like, who wants to king? Who wants to go hiking? We went on a five hour hike by accident with Katherine's husband was there. It's a spearheaded thank god, because I was by Have you ever tried to follow a trail map? Oh my god, I can't follow a map or anything. So if I had been left to my own devices, I would be bed right now. And it was a

tricky hike. I mean it was high and scary and we had to climb hike down to the water to hike back up. Finally our cousin, my cousin Molly picked us up because we were like, this is a bunch of noise. Yeah, the one that I'm sleeping with, I always go, yeah, that's funny. Yeah you that hike part, that's too much for me. I would have been eating calamari somewhere. Well, we did, we ate and drank. Katherine

was there, Katherine and Brad came. We had so much sangria every day at lunch and then I just like, I just and then I would just I get motivated by drinking, like I want to go exercise again, like because so I can burn off the you know, because you're sober up quickly. But it's just sangria also, which is basically watered down with juice. Yeah, it's like a it's like a Caprison. Yeah, that's true. It's an adult. Did you drink a lot? Do you think you drank

more during your days on Chelsea Lately? Or do you think you drink more now? I probably drink more now. Yeah, I'm so much healthier than I was on Chelsea Lately, But I think I drink the same. Yeah, Like how to eat handle your liquor? Well, do you know you never act like sloppy? Well I did, I did? I had. Yeah, now you're a lady. Now I'm elegant. Now I'm elegant. Was the love of the stories you would tell about going out and saying that limit the lemon, that lemon

juice comes in and empty. That was hilarious. I would also take those little squeezeable lemons you buy in the supermarket. They have the lime and lemon which is fresh lime juice. Well it's not fresh because it's sucking canned, but I would take that and then i'd go to the Improv to do a set. But I did trust their lemons because you know, it's the Improv and I don't want their fruit, and so I would squeeze that little lemon into my vodka wherever I went, and it became my

person and all canteen. That is so funny. Just I just picture you with just getting a lemon out of here. Where do you wait? Let's talk about Chelsea lately taste what are Let's see what's one of your favorite memories that sticks out? Can you think of something off the top of your head? Because we dressed you up a lot. It was par to line, abusive, wait for fortunate it, but she always had such a great attitude about it. You treated me like your adult baby doll, like I

can just put fortune and whatever I want. I was just happy to get a paycheck because when I got your show, I had had had no money. I was out of money, and you became a right well at first she became a writer, but immediately we were like, she has to be on camera. Yeah. When I interviewed with you, I owed my roommate like two grand and rent. It was. It was dire, straight wow. I wasn't sure what I was gonna do. I mean, I wouldn't have gone home. I would have, you know, figured it out.

I would have gotten a job somewhere, Starbucks, wherever, I would have done whatever. But the dream was to be in the business and to be a working comedian. I interviewed with other people first and then had the meeting with Chelsea, and I had no, you know, no expectations of it because I didn't think I had a chance. And honestly, I think that I was first. I think

I was your first interview of the day. And now that I know you, I know that like you just make your mind up about something and don't want to come back to have to do something. So I think luckily you liked me, and you got up in the middle of my interview like ten minutes into it, and you go, okay, well, thank you, and I was like, oh, she hates me, and you left and I called my you know manager. At the time, I was like, well,

I guess I said something to offender. She got up in the middle of the interview, and y'all offered me the job the next day. And now that I know you know that, you just were like, yeah, I like her, and I also don't want to have another meeting, So

it was a little bit of luck. You know. Well, I think anyone that would have met you would have understood the quality and the contribution you were gonna you were about to make because we had such a band of idiots on that show, so that anybody with a good sense of humor, and that made me laugh, and you know it was going to be a good time because that was like a proper like fraternity party. That

was before well, actually no, there was hazing. Probably, yeah, you guys pranked each other all is home and I think, my, yeah, my second day, you send an email from my computer to like everyone saying that I like to get naked and have to take meetings and hot tubs something like that. I would get in early because I'm an early bird, so I would get in early and then just start sending emails from different people's account. This was before you could get in trouble for those two kind of kinds

of things I would send. I would send emails to human resources and be like, I found two naked people in the kitchen this morning, and then send them a picture of the employees, and then they would have a human resource meeting. We would come out to people. I would come out for other people. I would set people up on dates with people from e Like. It was so inappropriate everything we did, but it was a lot

of fun. Yeah, I remember. I remember one day we were sitting there because we would have every time there was a birthday, we would have cupcakes or whatever that person wanted. If they wanted Mexican food, whatever their favorite thing is, we would set it up. And I remember sitting after work one day and we're all sitting there eating Mexican food, drinking Margarita's. It was like Margarita Thursdays or something, and I was like, do you think other

people laugh as much as we do? And everyone's like no, no, And now that I'm not on that show, I realized, no, people don't laugh as much as we were laughing because it was constant stupidity, and it didn't We didn't really even care what other people. We never cared how the show was being perceived, which is why I think it was just success because no one was worried about it.

We just did stupid, stupid sketches. We're like, oh, we should dress somebody up like this, or they show us a clip from some stupid reality show or something that Tara Reid did, and we'd be like, oh, let's reenact it and it will make her be Tara read and show we could be you know, a bowling ball or whatever we decided, and we would just run with it, and we didn't have any time to be self conscious. Yea, which is I think that really one of the key

ingredients to a successful endeavor is to not overthink it. Yeah. And I think people just really love that you put together all these comedians that like, you love seeing everyone interact with each other, because everyone would make you other laugh or pick on each other, or you would give people crap. So many people still to these days say they felt like they were a part of that with us, Like they were going to bed watching us be silly with each other, and that kind of was like lightning

in a bottle. You don't see comedians like that interact in that way. Anyway, we're gonna do it again. We're gonna reboot it, and we're going to do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because now we have all of us and then this whole new crop of comics that are fucking awesome and funny, and we can mix them all together. And I just want to put a show together where you can show

comedians being funny without being racist or sexist. Since everybody seems to be fucking complaining about parameters, It's like you could do all of those things without being offensive to people, you know. I want to show them how easily that is done. Now, would you do that like an every night kind of thing again? I don't know. I don't know. I mean we're having the conversations now, so we'll see where it leads. I don't know. I mean, like I still want to, like go to Spain. Yeah I can't.

I can't be a year round job. Okay, let's talk and I have Spain. My sister is like, how are you going to do a real job with your lifestyle that you've been I could only work two hours a day. But one thing that's changed for you because you had a lot of different love interests during the show, and we're always very concerned about Fortune's love interests. We always were. We always didn't want anyone dating her for the wrong reasons. And she's so sweet and loving and gullible that at

that time you were. I mean, you're still sweet and loving and probably a little bit gullible. And there were a couple of, you know, weird ones that came through. But now you have been in a successful relationship with Jack's for over ten seven seven years. Yeah, I came out late, you know, I didn't come out until five, So I was making a lot of mistakes. Like you take the TV show and television in general away from

the mix and me just trying to date. I was making a lot of mistakes that you should make when you're eighteen, nineteen, early twenties, you're making college those kind of things. I was making a lot of those mistakes in my late twenties, early thirties, and you happen to be around for some of that part in my early thirties.

You know, just you don't know who's dating you for the right reasons, or all of a sudden, I'm on a television show that females are obsessed with So you know, a lot of women kind of came out of the woodwork because they loved you and they love the show, and so sometimes you were like, do they like me or do they just want to meet Chelsea? Like, I didn't know. So I went through some experiences where you find that out and some were some were good, Some

intentions might not have been good for some people. But yeah, it took me a while to really figure out what I wanted and what I was willing to put up with and what I felt I deserved. And that took me till, you know, mid thirties to really figure that out. And then I met Jack's Like, right as I was figuring that out, I met her. So tell us about your relationship with her, because it feels very healthy, it feels very supportive. She moved out here to be with you.

She doesn't always come on the road with you, but you guys obviously spend a fair amount of time together on the road. By the way, nobody should have to go on the road with anybody because it's a fucking ball buster, and that we shouldn't have to expose that to anybody. So I get not wanting to do that, but tell me about some of the growth that you've had within that relationship and how that supports your mental health and career and all of the things that you

know you bring to the table. Yeah, I think I met her at a town where I was tired of being someone's option. I had a lot of people kind of treating me like you'll do for now kind of thing. And I remember specifically being like, I'm done with that. I want to meet somebody that wants to be with me, and I'm a priority for them their priority for me. And she came into my life and right away I knew that there was something different about her and about

our connection, and we just clicked. And we were long distance for a year because she was living in Chicago, and then yeah, she like made that decision to leave her job. She was a kindergarten teacher in Chicago and inner City Chicago, really amazing teacher. And I remember being like, am I ruining this person's lie by like having her come out to l A. She's such an amazing teacher and she loves Chicago. But you know, she did that

for me. She wanted us to work and us to be together, and I was touring a lot and acting, and if she hadn't done that, you know, we might not have been able to to make it because my schedule was so crazy. But she was willing to put me first and no one had ever done that for me before. And so she moved here and we just kind of started this life together. And yeah, it's a very I think, very healthy relationship that you know, we support each other and she's very helpful with career stuff.

She's kind of like part of the circus now. She's always I don't there's no decision, I don't run by her. She's very much at the helm of everything I do. She was executive producer on both my specials. Yeah, like and very good at it too, not just like putting her name on it. She's going frame by frame with me, watching all the shows and all the shots and making decisions, picking music, helping with fonts, you know, all that stuff that goes into these specials. You don't think about my

team as they say, loops her into everything. She's very much a part of things more than people realize. So you know, she's just wants me to succeed and be happy, and that's what you want, you know, I want her to be happy where I'm always like, what can we do to give you balance? You know, if you don't want to go on the road, don't. Let's find things that are important to you and things like that. You know, and do you guys, how do you guys handle any

friction in your relationship when that comes up? Or does it not come up? Do you not have any friction every I mean, I don't know any couple that doesn't. I was just pretending to ask the question. I didn't mean that. Yeah, I mean, we we definitely have our moments like everybody, but I try with her because she

is my wife. We got married two years ago. Even if you're like or disagreeing or fuss in at each other or getting at each other's nerves, try never to be mean, you know what I mean, or say mean things because those things are hard to walk back. But that's not your personality anyway, right, that's my personality. You're just you would never be mean. I don't know, I don't I've never seen I'm sure. I'm sure I've been a dick plenty here right now, say something mean, Yeah,

it's it's the accident. But I get on her nerves for sure, I'm a little I definitely have tunnel vision when it comes to my career, and I have to really make myself step outside of myself sometimes to be like you are being too I on the prize, Like you have a wife, you have other people in your life you have to think about. You cannot just be thinking about a dog that needs to be brushed. Yes, I have to press feed my dog. You know what I'm because you get so wrapped up in work. No,

I get it. I know there. I'm always there. I have to always remind myself to have a life. I mean, even though it doesn't look that way from afar, It's an internal struggle I have all the time, you know. And I never want her to feel neglected or like I'm not putting our relationship as a priority. So and and I'm guilty of for sure, like getting too much tunnel vision with my career that sometimes I'm like, oh, shoot, I did it. I should have been better about her birthday,

you know, things like that. I don't want to be that person that neglects my person because of career, because at the end of the day, I do want to be successful, but I don't want that to be everything it can't be everything. I have to have balance. Yeah, so that's my challenge. Yeah, I think that's very relatable

to anybody in this industry. You know, it's like ambition versus balance, because ambition is you want to remain relevant, right and you want to have people asking you to do things, and you want things to not be as challenging as they were. But I think as you become more and more successful, it's like there's different sorts of challenges and it's it never seems to this business, it never seems me enough, you know what I mean, Like

for your own self, but for even other people. Like I can be like, oh, I've got a special coming out and an action series and people are like what else? Why is that not enough? But it never feels like there's enough, Maybe because we consume so much so quickly now with entertainment, it just seems like everyone's like what next, What next? One next? That you feel like you can't even stop and breathe to like enjoy what you just did.

You're like thinking about the next thing. So that will be the thing in my relationship that I have to really pause and make sure I don't get too stuck on that career stuff that I'm making the person that I love feel like they're not a priority. Yeah, And do you guys, have you guys ever been to counsel couple's counseling? Early on, we went to a couple of

sessions because I was in therapy. I originally went to therapy to get to the bottom of why I was choosing the women I was choosing, why I was putting up with certain things and not thinking more highly of myself in that way. So she came and did a few sessions with that therapist that I was with at the time, but we haven't That was a guide ecologist by the way, It wasn't a therapist. I'm just here to tell you that I referred you to her and that was alogist. Well it all checked out clear, maybe

all clear, So she proceeded with caution. Uh no, we haven't done it since, but I would be open to it, you know, I mean, I think it doesn't it couldn't hurt. I would imagine it would help with your communication in general. If there's any anybody that's feeling like they can't say something, I would hope that would be the place you could. Yeah, I was watching that show A Couple of Therapy that we were talking about. Have you ever seen that on show time? A couple of Therapy. It's like a real,

real life couples with this therapist. I love that ship. I fucking love watching couples in therapy because you see the transformation that happens, and you see when there's no hope for a couple where somebody's just done and the other person. But sometimes it seems that way in the beginning, and then they come together and then it's really about

listening to the other person. Some people can't hear, you know, like when there's conflict, they just shut down and they can't hear what the other person is saying, and then that becomes that cycle. But anyway, speaking of counseling, we're gonna start counseling right now because that's what we're doing. People call in for advice. So, Katherine, what do we have on deck for this afternoon? We have some bad parents,

is what we have? Kinky kinky parents. I mean, actually one of there might be something, but we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with some callers and we're back. We're back fortune still the tub. So I'm back alone. Oh there she is, She just puffed out. Let me just put my towel on. Hold on, I'm ready for amazing. Well, don't forget to hang up your LUFA and our first emails from Tarran Terreen says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Tarran and I'm a thirty or four

year old lesbian from Atlanta, Georgia. I'm set to get married to the love of my life this year. We are both absolutely thrilled to finally be getting married, as we've been engaged for almost three years and together for five. My immediate family shares our excitement and has been nothing but supportive of us. However, her parents do not have the same feelings, and we've been led to believe that

they will not be attending our wedding. This thought absolutely breaks my heart because I've grown to know her family and love them dearly. What's even more heartbreaking is having to listen to my fiance as she tries to navigate how to talk to her parents. They have said they want to talk about it, but have made zero effort in discussing details about our wedding and state only vague

religious reasons as to why they're not supportive. My question is this, do you think I need to try and say anything to her parents or should I continue to stay on the sidelines and just be an emotional support for my fiance. She's let me know she doesn't want me to talk to them about it, and I should let it go. But I can't help but hurt for her, and I wonder if talking to them might help them see a different perspective. I absolutely love your podcast, and

I highly appreciate any advice you have for me. Taran See, I'm always an interloper. I like to get into people's business and get involved. So I don't know that this is the right advice for you, but okay, so yeah, fortunately you give the advice, I'll go after you. I just I always overstep and it's not always received warmly, so I can't say that it's the right thing to do. But I would make a case in writing about the impact that this is going to have on I would

write an email. Yeah, I would just be like, this is going to be forever. We're gonna get married and you are going to forever. Have missed that moment in your child's life and what you're foregoing like not with the idea that the outcome was going to be to change their mind, but to just try everything possible to persuade them to reconsider one of the most important moments

in their daughter's life. How about your fortune? Well, I mean, I think I can totally see you doing that because you're there's nothing that you're going to not speak out about. That's the beauty of you. If you see something, you say something you do like if you see something that's wrong, you're like, I don't, this isn't right, which is great. I'm a bit more passive in my opinion, I would be more of the support system for the partner because she said that she doesn't want her to speak out,

you know what I mean. Like, but I also from my experience with people in the gay thing and the religious thing together, whatever she's right is gonna write, it's not going to change their mind right now. I think people have to evolve eventually or not. She could write the letter, I don't. I guess if you thought, what's the worst that will happen, they're already not coming right, so there is kind of nothing to lose. Ish But to me, I I don't think it will change their opinion.

When it comes to the wedding, because those deep seated religious beliefs take a while to unravel, that's for sure. Yeah, and they do unravel. Yeah, people are gonna evolve or see how happy you are. But also, it's your day, it's your wedding day. It's about you too, And do you want that there? Do you even? I know it's sad for your partner, but do you want someone there that doesn't wish you? Well, yeah, that's a good point, actually, But I think who wouldn't want their parents there? I

get that too. Obviously it's sad no matter what. But I would want my parents there for sure. But I don't know how good it would feel seeing them across the room eating a slider, looking like they hate every moment of being there. Yeah, but if you think about it, and they they stared together for many years, and then there's always that gaping whole of their wedding day that they're her parents missed. It's like they're missing out on the rest of her life in a sense, like they're

missing this real pivotal moment. And I would want to lay it out to give you every last opportunity to make sure you don't miss that even if it's just the mother who came or the father who came, or whoever's less religious or I don't know, you know how to frame it. But I mean I would do it, but I'm not recommending that you do it, because I just can't control myself. Well. Also, if you do do it, if you want to write that email, do it with

the expectation of having no expectation. Yeah, absolutely, I agree with that advice. Yeah, just and softly with love. Yeah. You can't be like you did this, you did that. It has to be like paneled with some kid gloves. Yeah. And the fact that Terrence said she also cares for these parents, I think is a really good sign. You know. She's not like, oh, I hate them, they're terrible. She's like, no, I also care for them, and it hurts me that

they wouldn't be there. I do love the idea of writing a letter so it's not as like heightened emotions. But I don't know. I don't understand why people think that this, like sitting out a moment in their kid's life, is going to punish them or teach them a lesson, or that they're not participating, that it's going to change any results. I don't know that they think that. I think they just think this is sacrilegious, Like I can't lay witness to this because it's not under my belief system.

I don't think that they're trying to teach them a lesson. It's more like we can't sully ourselves with this kind of sing I'm not going to get into heaven if I go to this, right, yeah, yeah, maybe an email. I mean, maybe I'm coming around on this. Maybe an email. I don't know, don't what Chelsea, right, Sorry, what the fuck is wrong? I would handle it because at the

end of the day, there are her parents. I would handle it as respectful as possible, and they are going to be your in laws for many years to come. And I don't think that means to like not ever push back against it. Goodness knows, I have pushed back against things with my own in laws. But at the same time, I do have the expectation and I know that they're going to be in my life for a very long time. So what I say or do, it

lasts and it matters. But if there is one thing that either of you would say, if these parents decide not to go to the wedding unfortunately kind of touched on this, But is there something that you would say to help this couple kind of feel better about the outcome. Well, it's the same thing I would say for any event where you're disappointed and something that's not there. You have to celebrate the people that are there. You know. It's like, if you don't sell out a show, you can't be

worried about the hundred tickets that aren't sold. You have to worry about the fifteen hundred tickets that are sold and the people that paid money to see you come. And in the case of a wedding, you have to think about all of the people that are there supporting you and loving you, and that if you go to someone's wedding, you're usually going to be friends with that person for a very long time. You know, that's an

investment into a friendship and that's a beautiful thing. And yeah, as fortune step, you just have to think of it as like negative energy. We don't want that there on our special day. We want people that are applauding us and like supporting us. And to focus on that love and to keep reminding yourself of the gratitude you have for all the people that are there. Yeah, I mean

I had a wedding party. We got married in Covid and had a wedding party a year later, and there were a couple of family people that couldn't come for various reasons. And I was focused at first on that, being a bummer and being like disappointed in that, and then I finally had to let it go and it ended up being such a special night and had so many friends there and love and the friends that couldn't come, you know, I heard from and you have to just

lean into that love. And the positive part of it is at the end of the day, you met someone you're marrying, And if you think about that, it's like, it is so hard to find a person that you want to settle down with and that wants to settle down with you. Just finding each other was a miracle, a miracle. So lean into that and recognize that you did it. You found someone you want to be with. They love you, and that is the true celebration, and all the other stuff is just you know, it's people

there loving even supporting you. That's the positive cherry on top. But it is not what it's about. It's about YouTube. It's funny to use the word miracle because Gwen Stefani uses that word all the time, and I whenever I see her, I always make fun of her. I'm like, not everything is a miracle, Gwen, And she's like, meeting Blake was a mirror, and that happened. She goes, meeting Blake was a miracle. It's a miracle. I was like, he was sitting right next to you on the voice.

Why is that a miracle? And she's like, Chelsea, it's a miracle that I fell in love with him. I'm like, and then I was like I started think about him, like, yeah, maybe it is a recall. Maybe my cynical mind doesn't believe in miracles, and maybe every little thing is a miracle. I think two people will come together and in that way that you you really think you can spend your life with this person. You're gonna wake up to this person every day and not get tired of each other.

That's a miracle. Yeah, but you don't know that you're not gonna get tired. You you might, yeah, you might, but you're going into it thinking I think we could do this. These two things had to line up for us to get to this point, and they're Gwen and Blaker seemingly very different on the outside. So in a way, that is kind of like who would have ever thought her grown up in Anaheim him in Oklahoma that they're passed with somehow cross like that. That's probably what she means. Yeah, yeah,

I don't know. It's a miracle. It's miraculous. Just enjoy it, right, I guess right that email, I think that's what we landed on. Yeah, and you can title the email every day a miracle. Yeah, love is a miracle. Uh well. Our next question comes from Jazz. She's in her late twenties. She says, Dear Chelsea, my parents have always pulled my

sister and I into their toxic, manipulative relationship. When we were younger, they'd scream at each other, give each other the silent treatment, tell one another they were going to move out, all right in front of us. My dad made us unknowing accomplices in his affair. My mom would use us as ponds during their fights. I'm now in my late twenties, living independently for my parents, and I've been working with an amazing therapist for the last two

years on reparenting myself because of that. The most recent time my parents tried to pull me into their bullshit. Yes they're still doing this, I said enough is enough. I had a really uncomfortable conversation with my mom where I shared that I needed lots of space and that moving forward, I'll be making choices to protect myself from being pulled into their relationship troubles. They've been going to therapy, but I haven't seen much improvement on this specific topic.

During our infrequent phone calls, they'll slip in that they're mad at each other for some reason, blah blah blah. I've been very open each time it happens that I don't want to hear it. Here are the reasons why, etcetera. Here's the issue. My sister, who I rarely get to see, invited my parents and I to Thanksgiving at her house this year. I'd love to see my sister and her fiance, but I just don't think my parents will be able

to keep it together. The house will be in doesn't allow for a ton of privacy, and they live out in the middle of nowhere, so I can't stay somewhere else. I know that if I go, I'll somehow get entangled in their bullshit, if only from a spectator standpoint. They don't really scream and fight in front of us anymore,

though I'm sure they still do this in private. Now it's mostly underlying manipulation, giving each other the cold shoulder, openly sending each other text like maybe I'll just move out when I get home, which are easily seen on my mom's phone from a distance because she has her font up to a thousand. So what should I do? I don't want to be around my parents together for that long, since I know the boundaries still aren't there.

Is it shitty to just skip holidays and family gatherings until this is resolved, knowing it might never be resolved. I don't want to look back and think I missed out on valuable time with my family. But I've also been around enough fighting for an entire lifetime. Jess Hi, jess Hi, Hi, that's so fucked up. Thank you? Oh my god. I can't believe your parents are like act like that. I know, yeah, I think they're doing their best, but their best they're not talking about. I'm so sick

of everybody saying that everybody is doing their best. Some people are just coasting and like just getting by. Not everybody's doing their best. I mean, obviously they don't have the tools to be doing better, because otherwise hopefully they would. But yeah, you don't have to give them that much credit. How long have they been married? I think like twenty five years, so yeah, and they've never separated or anything like that. They separated there is like an affair in there.

So they separated during that time. It was obviously handled poorly. We've never spoken about it really as a family. So and then they got back together just out of habit. They're like, I guess you'll do exactly. And when you started like setting the boundaries for them, how did they respond to that? It was really bad. There's actually been an update since then. So they have been going to counseling and they went like three times and they're like, we're good. And they asked if I would come to

the counseling with them. Wants to have me share the boundaries in a facilitated way, because it was just hard to share. And even in that facilitated way, they didn't get it. They just kept saying like this is just how we grew up and this is just how it is, and like it's so small, like this doesn't matter, but it's pretty intense. So I don't know. They just can't understand.

It's just how they grew up. It does feel like that older generation is less into therapy and more of like you just gotta stick it out, and the rest of us are like cup bait, jump ship. Yeah. It's like, you know when people think that it's like a fixed state of being, It's like, no, you're in a state of mind that you've decided is a fixed state of being. It's a state. Everything is a state of mind. That attitude and that disposition is like, that's not how you

have to be. You have other options, but they're like, no, this is me. Yeah. And what I've been struggling with is like I don't think that's my job to help them through it, but do I just like not see them until then, knowing that it could never get any better. And all of my friends have awful relationships with their parents, so nobody else, nobody else in my life knows how to handles either. So I don't know, Well, what about your sister? Is she so she's okay with having Thanksgiving

with them? Because I don't want you to miss out on Thanksgiving because your parents I just feel like you kind of have to flip your narrative. They are going to be the way they are, and I think you have to try and have less of an impact on you, especially around important holiday family times. This is an important holiday that I don't want you to miss because of that.

I understand setting boundaries. I think that's totally health for the rest of the year when it's not Christmas or whatever, Hanukah, whatever you celebrate, if there's a way that you can go and and and just disengage when that happens and not take it on so much yourself kind of I don't want to say disassociate because that can be a dangerous word, but just kind of take a step back and not let it affect you so much, knowing that they're limited and that they're going to remain that way,

and that you've said what you're going to say, and just leaving the room when things are going for a walk outside when things get heated, and just being like I told you, guys, I don't want to be a part of this, and making sure that every time you remove yourself from the situation when you feel like you're getting to a place where it becomes untenable for yourself. M yeah, yeah, you don't want to miss a good

family drama Thanksgiving. I mean sometimes that is fun. Well, it's that it's fun if you don't come from a family like that, like you had an affair I And it's sympathetic that their children have to set boundaries for them, you know, like way to parent your parents. You do you think that happens a lot? Yes, I feel. I mean it sucks. It sucks. It's like you can't change them, and you can't make them have a happy, healthy relationship. And if they're not gonna divorce, you also can't change that.

So I mean it is up to you to have to either you don't go but again, like Chelsea said, you're missing out on these big family holidays, or you go with again, like tapering your expectations of what's going to happen and trying not to let yourself get affected so heavily by their energy and their actions towards each other.

Fin any way, it's like be with your sister when you're they're focusing on that, you know, catching up there and just letting mom and dad sort of hash it out in the kitchen, you know, instead of like getting in the middle, you can just be like I'm out, I'm just here for sweet potatoes. Yeah, or even any time it comes up, or if there is a fight, you put on a podcast and fucking listen to it, or put on an album and listen to it. Sorry, I'm not doing this. You don't have to let it

run you for during that time. It's it's actually a pretty good mental Jim exercise for you to be able to go to an event and let them kind of do their thing. I mean, they've gotten the warning, so they're probably gonna be on better behavior than they have been, even though their best behavior is still probably not going

to be good enough. I think it's a good exercise for you to be a little bit more tolerant, knowing that you've kind of drawn the lines, and then just removing yourself when it becomes annoying or too much, just walking outside and going for a walk and coming back. That sends the message also like cool it or I'm

going to leave. What Fortune and Chelsea are saying echoes something I talked about with my therapist recently, where we were going home for a family thing, and I was crying about like, well, what if I have to talk about this stuff with my family and they're gonna be shitty about it, or if I don't, then they're going to talk behind my back. Blah blah blah, just you know,

kind of be an emotional about family stuff. And my therapist said something that was so freeing, which was, yeah, families talk shit, They're gonna do what they're gonna do, regardless of what you have going on. Regardless sometimes of the boundaries that you've set, the only one we can control is ourselves. And so for me, it was such a light to just be like, oh, that's just a thing. I don't have to let it activate my stuff. It

doesn't have to get through Timmy. And I love the idea of just like sitting there with a little podcast and like taking a mental break, do a you know, a headspace meditation, chill out for a little bit. Yeah, just tell your parents you'd rather listen to Russian state propaganda and then turn on Russian state news and then listen to them fucking bicker at the table, you know,

or put on my Netflix special good Fortune. But yeah, I think I just need to get comfortable like they get mad when we don't get pulled in, and I think I just need to be that's your thing. I'm going to sit here and well people like that. I want a reaction, and if you stop giving them that reaction, eventually they will stop. They want it first, but you

got to kind of retrain them. But if you are reactive to what they're doing, they're doing it because they know they're going to get a response from you, and that's what they want. They because they're not getting stuff from each other, so now they're putting the tentacles out elsewhere. And you just have to not I know it's hard, it requires self control on your part, but yeah, you just can't give the reaction they want, or any reaction.

I mean, sweep Jata your mom and say beach Okay, maybe don't say that far, yeah, or saying I say takes a mushrooms. It takes a mushrooms. Said, just sit there and you'll have a great time no matter what. Then to slip your parents some mushrooms. That's a good idea too. I love this. I'm feeling much better about this. Yeah, go with a good sense of humor. Yeah, treat it all. Be lighter yourself going to it. Don't go like dreading it just hung in mushrooms, air pods. Yeah, good fortunee

exactly for yourself. And then read it to them and say it says you guys are getting to force fucking fast track that ship. Play two truth and a lie, oh, or your sister, and you can make a game out of it. You know, you guys can have a nice hidden game about how many times they get, you know, say something or light each other you every time your mom brings up your dad cheating, you drink it will be wasted. But yeah, I think I think you going lighter to it might help your anxiety as well. Yeah,

I already feel better. I was not taking the light approach at all. It was just like I'm gonna or I'm not going to go. But yeah, because here's the best part. You don't live with them, and you don't have to deal with that all the time. You get to leave. Yeah, that should make you happy. You don't, you're not the person in that. I was just like, I wonder if I want to I could pay eight hundred dollars to watch people fight, or I could go

on a trip without these people and have a good time. Right, Well, you don't have to spend every holiday with them, Just so you know, I don't spend every holiday with my family. That doesn't make you a bad daughter, right. It might trigger somebody telling me I'm a bad daughter, but no, that we already decided you. You're also entering your adult phase. I used to spend on every holiday when I was in my twenties, but once I hit my thirties, you're because I felt guilt. You don't have to spend a

real holiday with them. Yeah, and this is the first year. I think it's that like weird in between, like it's just expected. But choose one. I would go. I would do like every other one every year. Thanks, even when you're Christmas the next sure, but that's up to you. That's up to you. Totally off the next year. Yeah, yeah, and then you and your sister can like go to Mexico with her fiancee next year. My sister is much better about all of this. She just has no emotions. Yeah, amazing. Well,

thank you, Jas. I appreciate you calling in and sharing this with us because I think it's going to help a lot of people. A lot of people have questions. Maybe not as bad behavior as your parents, but similar questions. Well, thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. You're welcome to Happy Thanks, thank you, bye bye. Oh she's so sweet. Yeah yeah, couples like that need to do m d M, a therapy where they're both on Molly and then all of a sudden create some new

neural pathways. Yeah. Yeah. Also there walking around naked. That's a thanksgiving. That sounds great. Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back to app up with Fortune and Chelsea. And we're back Fortune. We're back with Fort. Welcome back, ladies. Fortune. Do you have any advice you'd

like to get from Chelsea? Well, it kind of stemming off of what we were talking about earlier before we took the calls, I was gonna ask you if you did recommend a couples therapy because I feel like it has that like negative connotation of like you only go

if there are problems. But I've been hearing more and more people lately talk about that it that it's shouldn't be like treated like that, that you should go even if your relationship is good and healthy, that it can help you in ways you never thought, And I had never thought about it like that until I recently heard that, and so I was just curious. Yeah, I think so.

I think it's very proactive because it's helps with communication, because, like you have to understand, as healthy as your relationship, maybe two different people come from two different backgrounds and have two completely separate histories and two different ways of viewing things, and it's only advantageous to learn about how somebody else sees things. You can only learn from that.

And the strongest connection with people is communication like that is the number one ingredient to be able to communicate in a loving, calm way even when conflict arises, because it's gonna arise. Something will happen where there's conflict at some point, and when you have the tools to deal with that, it doesn't become a hurdle. It just becomes

like almost an opportunity to grow closer, you know. And I feel like that kind of connection, especially with a third party, really can bring people together when both people are very open to hearing about the other person's perceptions and experiences. So I am a total you know, I don't think I'll date anyone who hasn't been to therapy

or who isn't open to go into therapy. I think both of us would be open to it, but neither of us have really taken that seriously or or approached each other about it because we didn't want the other person to assume there was an issue. Yeah, you know, so there. I feel like sometimes we just don't say it because I'm like, I don't have an issue, and you don't, I think have an issue. So by us bringing this up, are they going to think that we have a problem in the relationship that we don't, you

know what I mean? So that's okay, I'll bring it up. We're going a happy hour later, so I'll just bring it up naturally and just suggest what she said. She said it to me before, and I've been like, you know, so it's not like something she's against. I just feel like it does have that negative thing around it. When you say couples therapy, people automatically go, well, what's wrong? Yeah, And that's not the king, you know, I don't think

so at all. I think really smart people go and like proactively go to get you know, so that you have somebody and then it doesn't have to be like a regular thing like you don't have to go every week. You could go once a month. But when there is a conflict or a crisis or something comes up, and that's when you can lean on someone and you know you have that at your disposal, which is always just I think, such a huge advantage, you know, to know some you have somebody you can lean on for those

kinds of things. Yeah, right, well, there you go, and that wraps up this episode of Dear Fortune Cookie. Fortune Cookie, don't forget to watch Fortune Special, her latest special on Netflix. Good Fortune. There's snuggling happening. I can't wait for you to be part of our thriple. We are to talk to our therapist about it, about inviting somebody. And thank you, Fortune, We love you, thanks for having me love you. Thank

you so much. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.