A 100% Survival Rate with Lilly Singh

Another girl's not you? Sorry, no, no, that's fine. That's fine. Actually, since I'm straight. You also have a first look deal at Universal Television Alternative Studio, and your production company is called Unicorn Island Productions. And and you're developing a Netflix series with Kenya Barris. Oh, that looks good. And you have a new book that is about to be released or about to be announced or released announced, and you may or may not learn the title of that during

this episode. It's called be a Triangle. You may you may you may learned the title of the book. It is called Me. I didn't even introduce you yet. Can you please shut the funk up? Please welcome Lily Say Hi to me here. I'm so excited to my queen, baby, baby, my queen again. This is the second time I do it. Every time COVID can't stop me. The last time we kissed, it was just supposed to be a little kiss like that, and then you slipped to me the tongue like three

or four times. That was the plan. I'm so excited to see you. We actually have a little kind of circle of friends in comments. Yes, absolutely, And when did I see you last at Charlie's Charlie's event and you gave me some great advice about getting in shape that I took what you were like just smaller meals and you also because I believe for so long, So a little bit of backstory, I've never been fit in my life.

I've always really struggled to be fit and take care of my body because I've always focused on my career and deteriorated my body and health. But when I met Chelsea last she said, listen, you don't have to do cardio all day long. She just told me, you don't do cardio, you lift weights, you consistent, you eat smaller meals. You just made it sound so attainable for me. Since then, I've literally lost twenty pounds. What have you What have

you been doing seven intimate fasting? I been doing low carb and I was just changing my diet, doing better choices than doing weightlifting whenever I can. And how do you feel mentally? I feel mentally phenomenal. I feel like my confidence and it wasn't even just about how I looked. I want to emphasize that I was always really happy with how I looked. I thought, my body is my body,

and I love it. But now it's just like the energy I have and the confidence I feel, and the clarity I have in my mind, all that stuff, And you really did inspire me. Oh well, I'd love to hear that. And you know what, I just want to say that, I want to reiterate that because when people think about dieting and then people think of it externally, but it does change your mental priority. It changes your

energy levels, it changes your happiness levels, your endorphins. You know, when you feel good and you wake up and you're not exhausted and you have even energy throughout the day, it's it's a great feeling because you feel like you can almost do anything. I would pick that over the superficial stuff any day if you have to say when you when you do this right, you'll either feel good inside or I thought I'd be like inside inside. I want to be a good inside because now when I

walk up the stairs, I'm not sweating. Yeah, I'm sweating, but for other reasons. I'm not really sure why I'm always sweating. It's because you have a joint in your mouth. It's well, that doesn't really make you sweat. I mean, from somebody trying to be relatable with drugs, I don't know how it feels like, you know. I was just about to say, have you ever smoked a joy and sweats when they smoke a joy? I only had to experience once I got really high for the first time.

It was horrible and I tripped out so bad, And the second time I've been with me, I would have never when I and then when I went to your tour, you gave me. You gave me an edible and you told me to take half of it, and did you? I took one quarter of it and what happened? I felt nothing? Okay, well that's because there's that's like one milligram. But anyway, if you want to get high again. I will arrange what you're going to take. Everyone says these words to me. You should know the Snoop Dogg was

also like, okay, I'll get you. I'm like, you are not getting me high, Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg came to do my show once and the building that we operated the show out of smelled like marijuana until the next fall. He came to my show and the green room was basically a hot box situation, and then on the way out he just took a poster off the wall of me and took it home. I love him, He's amazing, but I was like, sir, you will not be getting me high. You know who get who also has great

weight is Wi Khalifa. He has the best weed. I feel like I would die. Yeah. We were once at a dinner and Shania Twain wanted to we were all smoking, and well, it was in my dinner that I was filming for Netflix. So I'm not name dropping because it was an actual TV show, so shut it down. It was Shania Twain. I think I've told the story on this podcast. But Shania Twain, Chill Scott, the guy from

Imagine Dragons and Wiz Khalifa and Shania Twain. I smoked one hit of it, walked into the bathroom in one of my guest rooms and couldn't find my way back to my house. I was like, what room am I in and where? And when I came out Shania, I was like, Shania here. We passed the joy to her and she's like, oh no, I don't touch the stuff. I'm like, you need it more than any of us. You better fucking smoke this now. My first experience was horrible. I forgot. I was convinced that my tongue wouldn't in

my mouth anymore. So I I know that, and I couldn't remember my tongue back in my mouth. It wouldn't fit in my brand, it wouldn't fit. Yeah, well, you know what. Cannabis isn't for everybody. I'll just take vodka shots. I'm fine with that. Um, Katherine, how are you doing today? I'm doing great. I'm I'm doing very great. Oh wow, it sounds like you're about to climax. It's like, I go, this is great. I'm feeling very great, and I go, that's how I'm happy. It's like sweater weather. Finally, I

know it's so nice that it's not so hot. I hate it. I'm wearing a sweater and a jacket. Chelsea's wear your T shirt and I'm just wearing a thong. Thank you. I got to wear like Vampi lipstick. It's like fully fall. I'm making myself believe it's fully fall, even though it'll probably be ninety this weekend. I like have people who take seasons seriously, especially in l A

where there are not ya. I was on the East Coast and I was like, we were in Maine and I was like, uh, the smell of the sea, Like that is my that is my like home, you know, that is my special spot. And I and like fried clams and just being on the water and by a wharf and eating and I was like, oh the East Coast and the leaves were changing and I'm like I love it here. And my boyfriend was like, oh my god, you are totally like you have this energy about you

that you feel like I could see it. He's like, this is your spot. I'm like, yeah, the East Coast is my spot anyway. But that's why I live in Los Angeles. So what do we have on tap for today? Catherine? We have a theme of major life transitions, some career changes, engagements or maybe broken engagements, and coming out or opening up to family. It's a lot. Y'all really catered this to me. Huh well, yeah, yeah, exactly. We want to we want to curtail our episode. Are very special guests.

I appreciate that so much. Great, and let's just take a quick break and we'll come back with some callers. Okay, we're back, you guys. We're back from our commercial break with my dear friend Lily Say, who I just love because I just love your energy, energy and your upbeat attitude and your beautiful smile and all of it. I drink a lot of energy drinks. What kind? They don't sponsor me, so I can't say so, you can't say so.

We'll never We'll never, fucking no. I love how that's our our behavior is now with people like what do you use for your skin? I'm like, I won't tell you. I won't tell you until they pay me. Okay, So we're gonna start with some callers and we're going to give them some feedback. Who do we have, Katherine, what's going on? Our first email today comes from Jeremy. He says dear Chelsea. So, like so many people right now,

I'm out of work. I'm a singer and an actor, and I've done shows in New York and tours and cruise ships, and before this pandemic hit, I was so excited about where my career was headed. In everything stopped, so I panicked and went back to college. By going back, I realized that there is life beyond my career. I don't want to give up on my dreams, but I also don't want to be stuck in a position again where I have no work. I just don't know what

the right thing is to do. Any advice you have for me in this career transition would be so appreciated. Thanks from a big fan. Jeremy Okay, Jeremy here, He's not This was just an email. Oh god, I wish I understood how this podcast worked. Whenever I asked for the caller, they're not there. And then whenever I respond, like it's a write and they're on the phone, you're doing thank you, thank you. Do you want to start

with I? I listen. I relate to the struggle so so hard as someone who also was like I want to make art and I'm creative, and my Indian parents were like, shut the f off, that's not going to happen. It's not a real job. Get a real job. So here here's my advice. I think you live in a very very unique time where there's so many opportunities to create things. We live in a very privileged time in that way, right, there's so many platforms, there's so many

ways to avoid the gatekeepers. Make your own off, build a following. However, that takes time and energy, a lot of hustle, and a lot of opportunities. So what I did is I had a job. I also really hard to on the side, also do my art, also work on it, learned to edit, learned to shoot, learn how to do comedy. I had two full time jobs for a really long time, and that's how I built my audience. I'm want to say, you don't have to follow the conventional like I need to get hired as an actor

to do this anymore. Make your own sketches, create your own content, and I think the opportunity for that today is better than ever before. Is he an entertainer? Is that what he said? Yeah, he's an actor and a singer. Oh I see yeah, exactly right. This is the best time in the world. TikTok baby, yeah, tickety talk, get on it. Yeah, but it's not easy. I think a lot of people think like, oh, I'll just post the videoesn't get it following It's it's a lot of work.

But if you want it, get the job that pays the bills, and then do the job you love when you have the time after the job that pays the bills. Yeah. But I also would say, like, if you made the effort to go to school and you're into school, you

can do all of it. It's on same time, right, Like, get the education you want and then supplemented with all of this stuff, because it's going to be a huge learning curve anyway to learn how to like you know, register on TikTok, on social media, in acting in all of that stuff, and to make your mark. So it's going to be a learning curve anyway, So why not also be supplementing that with an education. I also think, and this is like a nerdy thing, but I think

school is dope. I missed school. I want to go to I would like to go to college. I would like to go to school. I think when I was in school, I'm like, but now I'm like, I would love to go. I would like to go live on campus. How do we in a fraternity and a sorority because I would like to tell men what the fuck they're doing wrong and try and change the trajectory of their

bad behavior. And I would also like to be involved in sorority life so that I can steer girls towards having a little bit more self esteem, a little bit more self confidence, and not taking any fucking ship. That's right. So anyway, that's a side note. We both want to go back to college. A fun factor to wrap this all up. As a Canadian, I didn't think sororities and fraternities were real. I thought there are only movies until I was in my mid twenties. They actually shouldn't. You know.

It is kind of an anti it's an antiquated notion because you know, it's just exclusionary. It's excluding son because people don't get in right, So forget it. I don't want to be in a fraternity. I don't want to be in a sorority. What I really want to do is just go back to college. But the thing is, if I went back to school, I would end up having an inappropriate relationship with somebody that was eighteen or seventeen, and that's illegal. Seventeen is illegal, I know that, and

eighteen is not illegal. Eighteen is legal, So you can have relationship with eighteen year old, but eighte year old can't drink here. That's right, Okay, America? Hello, are you just learning that the legal age for US is nineteen? The agent in America's twenty one? Ridiculous? You could do anything else before Sherlock. Our country is fucking upside down and twisted Americans. I tell you, I know Canadians is where it's at. That's why I'm going to marry Lily

so I can wear citizenship. I brought the ring. You know, careers in general, I feel when I was growing up, I had this very linear idea of what my career in life would be. I would go to school, get a piece of paper that said I was good at something, get a job, do that job forever, and that was going to be life. That's not real life. That's not real life at all. I got a psych degree, which I it's a paperweight right now at my house. It's useless.

I never use it. But that's cool, that's not useless. But here's the thing about psych is that you do all this reading and studying and at the end of the fifty page chapter goes, but also, none of this may be true. That's what I can't get on board with. Well, what do you mean? They'll have all these theories about like why the thing people behave that way, Then the last paragraph of the book will be like, but also this is all up for debate and may not actually

be accurate. Yeah, you know what I mean, right, Maybe I use my psych degree a little bit like when I'm flirting to try to trick people. I don't know anyways, But the point I'm making is I got a psych degree. I thought I was going to be a counselor can you believe that? And then I discovered YouTube and I made YouTube videos and then I was like, this is what I'm doing for the rest of my life, I guess. And then from there I wrote a book and I

was like, oh, I guess I'm an author. Then from there I went on a tour and I'm like, oh, I guess I'm a performer. And then I got a late night show and I thought, this is what I'm doing for the rest of my The point I'm making is my career has changed so many times, and each time I was so sure this is the thing I'm doing forever, and then life slaps across the face and you realize that you don't have to narrow yourself into

one direction. You can do it all, and you can do all the things that you think are interesting, and life will probably force it to be that way. Yeah. I think anytime you think you're set up for something and it's going to be for a long time, life throws you a curveball. I know, because for my experience, it's like I always go into things thinking, funk, how long is this going to go on for? Like it's the opposite thing, like I don't like to be I

have a commitment. I'm commitment phobic in that way with with regard to career and like signing a contract for more than two years, Like I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't know if I'm gonna want to be in this country. I don't know if I want to still live in l A. And I don't want to be beholden to anyone, you know, I have major issues about that, Like I need freedom to move around, bounce around whenever

I want. So I have kind of the opposite thing with you, but again in multiple different ways, like doing so many different things when I feel them. You know, obviously that's a luxury to have, and not everybody starts out their career like that. But the more of a foundation you lay, the more options you have later on down the road. So you know, having an education, having talent, having all these different modes of making money and making income and attracting people to you is always going to

pay back in spades. So I also think another big thing is you can't grow and stay the same, like that can't happen. And I think with Late Night, for me, I was so excited about Late Night, and I really believe I can do anything after that because it was so exhausting in every single way, and I just feel like everything I do now was a breeze, to be honest, But when I did Late Night, I was like, Okay, this is a historic thing. This is for representation, you know,

in thirty years, you know, the first Indian woman. But then when I was in that environment, I think something changed with the new when I thought I could be moving the needle in a better, more effective way. I learned the tools I learned from Late Night, but I very quickly learned that I was only going to be able to do so much in that setup. And now I have ambitions to be the person who makes the decisions about the representation, not just the shiny person that

is the representation. And so I feel like everything happens for a reason, And when your career shifts, it's because you're meant to do something else and you're meant to contribute in a different way. That's what I'm telling myself, but that's also what we talked about on this podcast.

A lot is like instead of resisting the change, accepting the change and going Okay, this is this is over, this doesn't work for me or whatever, and moving on to the next thing with the same amount of enthusiasm, the same amount of interest, knowing that you know, instead of looking in the rear of your mirror, which so many people are so guilty lot of, like I wish I could have, should have, would have. It's over. It

doesn't matter. You cannot change history. So it's better to just move forward with a hundred and fifty percent of enthusiasm and being like, Okay, I'm gonna nail this, and then everything kind of always ends up lining up for you in the right way. I completely agree. Thus far, you have a survival rate of surviving every single thing that has happened in your life one percent. You've gone through every single thing. Yeah, that's a great point. I'm

gonna start making it. Yeah. Remember we had our first late night kiss at the beginning of your show. We did. Oh yeah, Lily was like, and then we had like twenty others off camera. Well, yeah, because Lily wouldn't leave me alone. She wouldn't get off my jock. So typical. Chelsea always comes through no matter what I asked her, literally, no matter what I asked. I was like, Chelsea, I need you to come to my show. I need to kiss someone. She's like, cool, be there, I'll be there.

I'll be there on Tuesday. She's a real one, a real one. Yeah. Yeah, I try. Yeah. I hadn't meant that day out of respect for our situation. I would never do that because I did not I know. Last night we were flying home from New York and my boyfriend was like, just my breath smell. I'm like, I don't know, honey, I just keep my mask on all the time because I love the smell of my own breath. That we're disgusting, we're all, but we're all so disgusting

that I don't want to smell other people anymore. I just I'm going to continue wearing that mask for years because I like my breath, and well, it mostly smells like cannabis, but that is a smell that comforts me, and I like my mask smells. So the other day I took someone's mask to borrow, like a friend of mine was like here, yeah, of course. I was like, how do I get delta the delta area quickly? And they gave it to me and I was like, oh, no,

thank you. I don't like that smell. The biggest joke of this entire situation is you're supposed to wash your mask every time you use it. Come on, come on, that's pridiculous. Let's let's just settle the disposable ones. Those little blue and white ones. Are you I wear those? Yeah? Those like you know, doctor ones, not THEE but the little thin blue and white ones. Oh no, I have my own off mask. No, No, yeah, I say I'm not. No,

I keep thinking it's gonna be over any day. You need to just wake up and get with the times. It's never over a kid, it's never getting over. It's the pandemic forever. And I don't know if you can afford that sample. I'm so sorry if you can't. Okay, I'm sure we can. I'm sure we can. It's a podcast. Why wouldn't we be able to Chelse? I like to I like the idea of putting in my own money to buy the licensing rights for my podcast. My heart doesn't do it. I have to put up the money.

I'm like, hey, guys, I want to buy this song for fifty grand. Okay, well, I hope that helps you. I had touch based with us and let us know what happened. Jeremy, Jeremy. Okay, who do we have next? Okay? Our next caller is Tara. She's forty and she lives in California. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm forty years old and I have been married for fifteen years to my high school sweetheart. We've been together for the better part of twenty five years. But when I envisioned my future,

I don't see it being with a man. I started having these feelings about two years ago, but recently they've grown stronger and stronger. Well, the vision of my new life excites me, and I've told my husband, who's been super supportive. I'm not sure how to tell my family any advice, And I actually spoke to Tara. She had written in before she talked to her husband. She said they're going to stay married for the time being, and

he's really completely horritive. But she's a really private person that isn't really sure if her family needs to know. So she's here with us right now and she can tell you a little bit more about her situation. Hi, Terry, Hi Chelsea, I'm great, do you know Lily Lily Tara? Hi, really nice to meet you and an awesome question. What really awesome question. Yeah, it's good timing too because of

my special cast. Yes, oh perfect. Hi, I apologize. I'm not familiar with who you are, so don't apologize at all. Chelsea and I have very different demographs. Don't worry. I'm sure her audience has no idea. Who the funk I am, so no worries. Yeah, so my situation, I guess everything's been actually pretty great with my husband, but yeah, I'm very private person. I don't I don't Instagram, I don't Twitter, I don't anything. I google myself to make sure that

I can't find information on myself. And I have like a big half Italian family, half Irish family, and it's navigating telling them because my husband I've been together for so long and that's all that they know, and I just don't want to have to explain myself. It's the questions, the why when did you this? That, like I really don't feel it's any other fucking business, and like it is what it is. But there's gonna be family events coming up, and it's just figuring out kind of how

to bob and weave through that. Right, Well, I'll let you go, okay, experience. So my background is that at the tender age of thirties, I relate to you. At the age of thirty, I came out is by So don't don't at all feel like you're alone. There's a whole bunch of us older folks who are like, we're figuring things out and it's a lifelong journey and that's okay. But you know what, I completely agree with the sentiment of it is no one's business. And you don't need

to explain yourself. And I think the most beautiful thing that people can decide is that they don't need to come out because they actually don't need to explain to anybody who they are. And I I'm so emotional hearing your story because one of the only reasons I came up was because I was in the public eye and had a big fear that someone else would say it before I would, and I wouldn't be able to live

with myself. But I remember thinking, why do I need to tell like this extended group of friends, or this extended group of ants and uncles, why do they need to explain who I am. It's not like people come out and straight. It's not only people have to tell you something. I actually am straight. Like that doesn't happen, right, And so I think this. I think you're a full fledged adult. You have your own life, You are figuring out who you are, and that's never gonna and that's

gonna keep happening. You don't really need to explain anything to anyone. And I love the fact that your husband is being supportive. I think that is wonderful. But I think you don't really need to have a list of people, decid need to tell all these people explain, and you don't need to answer those questions. I think all you need to do is make a choice and set boundaries. And this is me straight up quoting my therapist, which is just when people ask you those questions, which they will,

how did you know? But what about this? But what about your sex life? Hey, this is just where I'm at and I don't really need to explain, Like, let's let's instead go have a drink, let's instead hang out. I don't need to go through this entire process of uprooting my past now to explain to you who I am. You just need to love who you are. If you accept who you are, that's all that matters. Truly. Yeah,

I'm totally fine with it. And there's just such a rhetoric now around people just micromanaging their sexuality of their this, and they're back and I'm like, I'm just like you. Yeah. And it's also like when you're thinking, I feel so much for teens when they're coming because I'm like, I think they still need the support of their parents and they still need to be taken after and when you're younger,

but when you're an adult. It's kind of like, if you want to celebrate who I am, great, if you don't, I have a fully functioning life already, and I'm doing my own thing and I'm gonna be great either way. So that's kind of the silver lining I discovered of coming out later in life, where I didn't need to be scared that I was gonna get kicked out. I didn't need to be scared that I was gonna get disowned.

It was like, I already have an entire universe of my own, and so you can be part of it, and we can party and go to Pride together and listen to Lady Gaga box and be dope, or you can be over there and I'll be doing that by myself over here. Yes, very true, very true. I love that you're talking about being a lesbian and you're wearing a shirt that says, hey, pussy Sofia. Everyone has golden girl, right, yeah,

we do. Who's your who's your inner golden girl. I'm not going to know any of the names of them because I'm too young and you guys are acting really old right now. Sorry, Sorry, Dorothy is mine. There's one that like drinks a lot, right, Rue McClanahan, Okay, I think that's me. I forget what her name was. What was her name, Tara Dorothy Blanche You don't drink a lot, kind of not really, but you know, I enjoy White is the airhead, she's the dipsy doode, all of the bunch. Yeah,

I have a lot of friends like her. I have my grandma. Anyway, back to you, Tara. First of all, I think you should have a lot of gratitude for the fact that you are with a man that is as understanding as he is, and he's cool with that. He understands that everything's good. Right. Oh yeah, I mean it's we're still living together, we're staying married. It's just because logistically we've been together so long it will probably

just be a nightmare. We're really fortunate to we have a friend who very close mutual friend who's a divorce attorney, so when it does have to happen, we can have her mediate through things. And yeah, he's just he's I mean, I'm sure it's confusing and hurtful, hurts him because we've been together pretty much since we were kids, so it's kind of all he knows. It's somewhat all I know, besides, you know, a little small breaks here and there. But yeah,

he's just he's really been awesome. He's my best friend. He's one of the people I've known in my life the longest that I'm not related to. So yeah, and it seems to me like that, really, is the only person that you owe any explanation too? Is the person that you are living with, or married to, or in a relationship with. I agree with Lily, but I mean, I think what you're saying is that you don't want to even come out to your family, right, Um, No, it's not. I mean it's kind of along lines of

what Lelie said. I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation, and when the time comes and when I see them, like my grandma two and she's sucking sharp as a button, But is she really going to understand, Like, oh wow, how do you twenty five years into a relationship just decide the rule of thumb is to always lie to the grandparents. You be honest to everyone else, you always

lie to the grandparents. You're like, I'm not going to be the person that gives you the heart attack, Like, so I lied to all the randparents that I feel like just common like, I feel like that's fine. I would send her pictures of my dogs and she'd like, don't send me pictures you have sucking dogs. Have kids and send me pictures and the kids and lie about that too. Just send random kids. I'm telling you had a cabbage patch baby, and send her a picture of that.

Say I just got this. It might be acceptable. Actually, yeah, I would say. I couldn't agree more. I don't understand why gay people have to come out. You don't have to come out. It's like straight people don't have to declare that their their straightness. And I think you've made up your mind. It sounds like you understand what's going on, and that is just the first step in a series of steps that you're going to be take. Gig, you've made the biggest first one. I totally agree about not

coming out to your family. It's not their business. This is your life and this is your show. You know, you have to make yourself happy, make yourr Yeah, this is dear Tara. You have to make yourself happy. And Indian, I'm saying it to Indian. It's my fault. I said

it to Indian. I'm from New York and my mom just pop Indian people say thought and I knew I was going to make that mistake and them and when I'm around Indian people, So it's very confusing for all three of the last saying, I know we have to

move over. The last thing I really want to say, just from my heart is after listening to you and Chelsea speak, Chelsea mentioned gratitude, and I do want to just insider a little unicorness and say, I know this is super hard and super difficult and probably really stressful, but there's something really awesome about saying I spent so many years with this person who is awesome, and now I get to explore different part of myself and do the best of both worlds and live all parts of myself,

which a lot of people don't get to do. So I think that's a really cool silver lining of you just like living your truth. I'm a very close friend I've known longer than my husband, and I went and stayed with him and he had said, just because the relationship is over doesn't mean it was bad. He said, you guys had such a great time, you know, great times together. Think of the things that you did the things you grew together and those things that just helped

develop your character. He said, it doesn't make make it bad, and I was like, you're right, and it was so true, like very invested. Yeah, that's right, and hold on to that because you're having an awakening of what you desire, and that is also worth celebrating. To be in touch enough with your emotions to do something about it, and to be in touch with your feelings. So many people are not able to do that. They'll go their whole

life and never do that, right, right, right, Yeah. The only thing I'd really do cruise on is Reddit and all cruise on the like late bloomer lesbian forums and late bloomer lesbian By the way, there's a there's a mass exodus of women leaving heterosexuality to be late bloomer lesbians, late bloomer. They're like, so I'm twenty seven, and I'm all, okay, all right, and like I'm twenty two. I don't know

what late was then, but okay. And there are some people there who I just feel for because they straight up will say I'm never going to come out. I just I'm gonna live this life inside this body, and I I couldn't like. It wasn't like I was gonna wait for your guys your email and be like, well, I can't come up to my husband yet. Chelsea dosn't tell me what to do like it ate literally ated my inside and I just I didn't tell anyone before I told him. And he even said, he said, who

have you told? I said, I literally haven't told anyone. That's probably why it bottled up so much inside of me. It eats inside of you, for sure, totally sending you all the love and life. Yeah. Yeah, I'm proud of you already. You're gonna have a great time. Keep us supposed to check back in with the podcast. Okay, I know we just met with You're my hero. Okay, thanks saying what a connection you guys. She's so cute. You know I changed it. I was hopping on your bandwagon. Okay,

don't throw me under the button. We've got some waters coming in right now. Oh my god, she really scrounged him up. Finally, if you guys don't edit this part of the podcast. Basically, Chelsea has me in a dungeon chained up and water and I get some water and they're like, we can we'll work on that. They're like, here's a microphone, get to work, to work on the water. It's like, is there a well around? Well, actually, we're gonna need to work on the water because California is

gonna have none in about thirty days. Okay, anyway, onto the next caller. What else we got Catherine to the next? Our next caller is Jessica. She is on the phone with us as well. Jessica says, Dear Chelsea, I'm having a hard time rebuilding trust in my relationship after my boyfriend proposed to me, I said no, and then he broke up with me a week later. We got back together just a couple of days after, but now I feel like I can't trust what he says and his

feelings towards me. I don't know what to make of anything and could really use him advice. Twenty four and genetically predisposed to divorce Jessica. Okay, Hi, Jessica, Hi, how are you guys? We're good? How are you doing? I'm good? Yeah, well except for what's going on? Yeah there's that. Okay, So what happened? So your boyfriend proposed to you? After how many years together? We've been together about two years, and we've known each other for close to ten so

it's been a while. We're both in our mid twenties, so it didn't really seem like the perfect time. We also didn't even live together or anything, so it's kind of waiting on that. And then he totally obviously threw me for a loop when he broke up with me a little while later. So okay, but back up a little. So he proposed to you and you said no on the spot, like, how did you tell him that? How did you turn him down? Yeah, it was pretty on this spot. Had you ever discussed getting married prior to

this point. Yeah, we've talked about like getting married and stuff like that a lot, but mostly in like a hypothetical long ways away when we moved to Mars, we'll get married. Got it right, exactly, So it's gonna happen sooner than you think, Lily, so be careful. And he didn't have a ring either, so I'm like, he proposed without a ring. Yeah, it was kind of like a heat of the moment, like passion type of thing. So yeah, but now you guys are back together, Yeah, and we've

been together, so wait, so you said no? How did you say it? What did you say You're like this isn't right or yeah? I mean I was just basically like no, like let's think about this a little bit more like yeah, before like moving forward with that, but now I don't really know how to trust what he says he feels about me. Wait, so you said no then he broke up with you and said, what, what was the reason for breaking up with you because you didn't want to marry him? Well, no, it actually didn't

really have anything to do with that. We were both like some funny had a piece of paper and a pen. I know, I know, it's so convoluted, but um, we had both just quit smoking at the time, so emotions were high and coping skills were very low, and we kind of kept pickering. So it kind of led to this like explosive moment of like I just can't do this anymore. And then we took a couple of days to cool off and he was like, yeah, I think that we just need to talk things through and work

this out. Okay, it wasn't a breakup or was it? Was it a let's take some time. It was at the time, it was a breakup which turned into Was it a we were on a break or was it was it ross or was it not? Well? He said, you know, like this is it, like I don't want to talk to you anymore only to call me in like a few days. What a mistake? You know, I

want to work this out. Okay? Well, so then why do you feel like you can't trust him because cansidering like how he's giving me like all of the run rounds in the book, like I'm going to be with you forever, I love you so much, all of this telling me everything I want to hear, and at the same time not being able to communicate shutting down, breaking up with me. What am I supposed to make that? Right?

I think you guys are I think you guys have been together for a long time and you're probably just you're just going through a little bit of a rough patch. It sounds like you have a pretty good thing going with him, and that your communication just needs to be a little bit maybe aided by a third party, like a therapist. I mean, have you considered that going to therapy together? Yeah, we both go to therapy individually, but that's like totally something that I feel like would be

really beneficial. Yeah, I mean, you've been together for over ten years, right, altogether, we've known each other for ten years. A couple of therapy is really really good, especially if you pick the therapist and then you pay them on the side so they agree with everything you say. You have a side conversation with that from the get go right. Yeah, worse, but it's better to make them know going in since he's not on this call, going in like this is

my objective. I want to stay together. And listen, every couple has to grow, you know what I mean, And there's always gonna be friction. If there's not friction, there's not growth. So you can trust him. You're creating a narrative. I think maybe you're reacting to something else, so you're feeling a little unsafe. You know, he loves you, he wanted to marry you. You quit smoking together. You said no to getting married, and you guys quit smoking together.

That shows me that you made too really responsible decisions. Knowing that you're too young to get married is great. Not acting in the heat of the moment is great, and quitting smoking is great. I mean, you're smart, You've got your ship together. You guys just need a little bit of help to stay together. I also think there's a little bit of As someone who was not there,

let me now share my opinion about what happened. I think he had to have been a little bit hurt by getting the no, and that's what's probably the reason for the bick rings. So you're saying that like, oh, it had nothing to do with that, maybe from your end, but I can imagine from his end, probably felt some type of way about that, and that probably led to him bickering a little bit and being like I need some time. He got rejected, right, it's natural, and men

don't like that. They don't like that at all, see White. Yeah, yeah, I think so, I really don't. I don't like that at all. So, yes, so you have to be a little bit empathetic to that because you love him, right, yeah, exactly exact, feel like we can you know, make things work. Of course, you can. You can make anything that you want to work work, especially if there's a willing party. So, and I think another important thing is that does he

bring out the best in you? Does he make you happy? Yeah? Yeah, we probably should ask that first. Actually, does he make you happy? And he feel safe and you feel the best version of yourself. Yeah, I feel like we both bring that out of each other. So I feel like we have a really very perfect, strong foundation and everything. Yeah, I think you're going to be fine. Jessica. You sound like you just need a reminder that you're in a

relationship with the right person. You guys have a good thing going and you just went through a little rough patch. What Lily said is absolutely astute, and I'm sure accurre it that he was feeling rejected and then had to reject you. That's what a lot of white men feel like they have to do. That's what a lot of people feel like they have to do. Look at me using my psych degree. Oh my god, I know the first time she went to we just watched a psychology degree.

So I mean, yeah, So it's going to be called dear Lily from now on. And I'm just gonna be in the other room with Catherine. I'll tell you right now. And brown people call the questions are gonna be a lot different. Your answers are going to scare them. Anyway, keep us posted and let us know. But get a therapist. Okay, okay, so much by Jessica. Thank you guys, take care. Another

problem solved. You're crushing it. Thank you. I mean you didn't think you needed your psych degree, but look at it before my surprise, Katherine, how did you feel about that? I felt great. I got married very young. I was twenty three when Brad the editor here, and I got married, and we really went through like two years of marriage counseling early in our marriage, and it taught us so much.

It taught us how to argue, it taught us how to get along, It taught us good ground rules, and really, I think it's set our marriage up, even though we didn't do pre marital counseling, Having that so early in our relationship like totally solidified where we are now. We just celebrated our sixteenth anniversary of thirteenth of marriage, sixteenth of together. So look at him knowing that the enough.

I think people always associate couples counseling or therapy with like they're falling apart, so they but no, it's like therapy is just good in general, and wonder what phase relationship is in. It's setting yourself up because when you would make an investment and you put in the time and effort, it's like meditation or exercise. It's like, yeah, I gotta get that d girl. Oh did you say see? I'm sorry? I thought, okay anyway, Yeah, so you're setting

yourself up for success. You're making the best investment into yourself. So that's that's great advice, Catherine. So like, yeah, I know that pre marital counseling that has a religious undertone to me, but you could also do that without having to have a religious undertone, because you know how I feel about religion anyway. So what do we have going on now? All right? We have a very Canadian email next and it is a little long, but worth it, she says, Dear Chelsea. Seven years ago, I met a

man who was twenty three years older than me. We hit it off right away and quickly became marf to this term, but friends with benefits. We lived in different provinces where Canadian, and even though we met in Ontario, where I'm from, our relationship grew when I moved to Nova Scotia. Fast forward and we have been on and off for seven years. My family does not approve at all because of the age gap, but now I love him more than I could ever imagine loving a man.

We never yell or fight with each other. We're so supportive of each other, we have healthy social lives outside of one another, and most importantly, we make each other so happy. In twenty teen, he broke up with me, and I was devastated. Come to find out, the reason he broke up with me was because he knew that the reason my sister had cut me out of her

life was because of my relationship with him. We secretly got back together at the end of then COVID hit the Atlantic bubble made it impossible for us to see each other, So after sixteen months apart, we finally got to see each other again, just as we expected. We love each other more than ever, and now I'm faced with the reality that if my relationship can move any further, I have to talk to my family. I'm sorry this was so long. I'm also Canadian, though, so I have

a hard time not apologizing in general. How can I be with the man I love and stop my family from disowning me once again? Thank you in advance A anonymous Canadian. A. Wow, that's a doozy. I feel like we need the whole story about why her family is so against him. Well, the age thing, but I need the story of like how old is she? Just why I make sure I advice is legal? Yeah, well, right, right, exactly, Well, she's they probably started carrying on before she was when

she was a little bit younger. But this is a complete speculation. Could be that it could be, but I would say, regardless, if it stood the test of time, this relationship has taken what it's been over the course of four or five years, yes, seven seven years. Seven years is a long time, no fling, no, and you've broken up And the fact that he broke up with you because your family wasn't speaking to you, is I

like that That's something good. That's that's really really sweet and sad at the same time and sad, but I mean, I know we're not getting the full picture about why your family doesn't like him. Obviously the age difference would freak them out. But at a certain point, I think it would be beneficial for you to sit down with your family and possibly with him, so you guys can have an open, honest conversation about how you feel about him and that you have broken up and that you

guys always find your way back to each other. And while the age difference may make them uncomfortable. This is your life, this makes you happy, and there's no reason for your family to cut you off because of your choices in a partner for three years. Yeah, that's a big age difference, but that's your choice. You're an adult. I'm assuming you're legal. I feel like this whole thing is just me quoting my therapist. I'm so sorry. I'll give you a credit. I'll pay you extra next time.

But I think there's certain rules. Amazing, I think there's certain rules. What are the family rules and what are the anonymous Canadian rules? You know? I think this is verily similar to when people disown their kids for dating someone of the same sex, Whether person is older, person doesn't know. There's so many reasons why families decide I don't approve of that person, and so now I'm going to cut you off. You need to decide which of

those rules you abide by, in which you don't. If the person doesn't treat you well and your family cut you off, I can understand that if the person cheated on you and wasn't faithful to you, I could understand that we're cheer telling us that the person treats you amazing, makes you happy, understands you. Those are all rules that you should abide by, and I think that's where you have to decide. Like, no, the rule is that if I'm being treated right, I will be with this person.

Make every effort to make your family understand. But you don't have to abide by the rules your family has about what they accept about the person, right. There's a distinction there, And I'm also gonna say family therapy as well. Family therapy goes a long way with getting people on the same page. But I have a feeling that if you broke up with this person for your family would eat you inside for a long time, because you're not spending the rest of your life living with your sister.

You spend the rest of your life living with a partner, right, And so there's a big difference there. And as long as there's not like any abuse going on or any like drug use going on that is making your family feel unsafe. If those are issues that are present in the relationship, then you have to be accountable for that and in respect the fact that your family is worried

about you in that way. But if those aren't issues, then yeah, people waste so much time in life holding grudges or being angry at their own family members, and it's just such a waste of time. I mean, we're sucking here once. You know, no matter what you believe in, I mean, if you believe in reincarnation, maybe you think you're coming back, but not as the same person. So you've got to make it count and you've got to

exhaust all efforts. But I agree, love can be stronger than family sometimes, and so we're saying that you should try to make it work with your family while you're with the guy, and if they can't handle that, then you know that is their loss. Again going back to if he treats you right and if there's no other factors there. But I think, yeah, it's not right for any family to say, oh, this makes my sister really happy,

but I'm going to have a problem with it. That's let me Your sister needs to figure out and needs to work on. Yeah, swing out sister. Anyway, So keep us posted anonymous, let us know Canadian a And then that you said provinces, who I love provinces. Yeah, I'm so proud that you knew there were provinces. The majority of people I speak to here, have no idea about and you know that I have Canadian Oh I'm announcing my Canadian tour dates. Just added second shows to Toronto, Vancouver, Seattle,

and Winnipeg. Because my Canadians love me and I love my Canadians. I am coming to two shows in Denver. First show sold out, second show I believe there are tickets available. Chicago is sold out, and there are tickets available for Columbus, Ohio on Saturday night, So get your tickets for that. Everybody for your Vaccinated and Horny tour, So those are all on sale, So get your tickets people. I'm coming all over Canada during Sea and Uncle's go

to Chelsea's go to Chelsea's tour. They'll be like, oh my god, is this who corrupted Lily? She went to America and love Now she's got a girlfriend. Oh ship. Anyway, thank you for writing in. Okay, we're gonna take a quick ad break because I yeah, yeah, I gotta get that, gotta get that. Oh yeah, we gotta pay for that. Okay, Okay, we're going to do an ad for something like better help. So Chelsea, one thing I wanted to say is I think we can actually give people advice on how to

ask for advice from you. Oh right, right, because well, we get lots of submissions, but we want you guys to be more specific in your submissions, right, yes, and especially in your subject line. These are kind of the guidelines for the best way to get your email chosen for the show. Oh this is good. Yeah. Yeah, Well you tell us then, because you're reading the submissions and you do a lot of this work. So let's give

everybody the tools they need. If you're thinking about writing into the show, if you have a problem, this is how you're going to get our attention. Yeah. So here's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a really specific subject line. So rather than just saying advice from Chelsea, tell me what your advice that you need is about. Also being really specific in your email. Tell us the situation briefly, but then tell us the question you'd actually like to have answered. So, my boyfriend is no good

in bed? How can we fix that? Is very different than my boyfriend is no good in bed? Should I leave him? So what's your real question? Make sure to include that towards the end. So which one did you prefer? Out of that? And my boyfriend is good and bad? Should I leave him? I mean, I think it depends on the boyfriend well, but I mean for our callers, because I'm confused which one is a better one. I think they're both valid. It's just does she want to

leave them or does she want to stick with them? Right? Right? Bedroom situation? Yeah. Subject lines should also be specific about what the advice is you're seeking, not advice from me, obviously, you're seeking advice from me if you're writing in. So, if it's about an affair, right, affair, If it's about cheating, right, cheating, If it's about family drama right, that right, it's helpful to kind of yeah, exactly. Light and fun is great. You don't have to be funny, but we really strive

for authenticity. So if it's a light question and it's authentic to you, great. If it's something heavy and it's authentic, that's great. Yeah, we will take light questions. I mean, I'm all for that too, So it just seems like we take a lot of heavy ones. But I'm happy to talk about light problems too, because that's a nice way to keep things light sometimes and we can actually really help. Also. Yeah, actually, also make sure that you

actually have a question. Yeah, sometimes some emails are just a place to vent and this might not be the perfect place for that. But yeah, it sounds like you've got some beef with some of our writers, some of our listeners. I did get an email that was probably thirty pages long if I know, so that one is not when we will be having time to read on

the show, unfortunately. Yeah, So I would just say to that end, keep it relatively sure, a paragrapher to give us a taste of it, and if we want to know more, we'll reach out and we can have you on the show. You can also send a voice memo to dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com as long as it's about thirty seconds or less. That gives us a really nice amount of content to work with, and we might even play it on the show. Yeah, we like playing voice memos on the show, so that's how

you can get picked. We have some topics that we are looking to cover this season. We need more questions about or from non binary people. We need to have more conversations about non binary relation and ships with your families, with sexual partners, your experiences as nine binary people. I want to know more, and I want to talk more and educate our audience more. So we want to talk

more about open relationships. We always are looking for couples in open relationships or one partner in an open relationship who wants to discuss it is also great for us. We want to understand that and I want to discuss it. Terrible bosses is something that I am very familiar with because I am one. But if you have experience with terrible bosses, or you are a terrible boss, or you have one employees, also call in things that your kids are doing to drive you nuts, so I can tell

you I told you so I won't tell you that. Yeah. I mean, we really take questions advice that you need on just about any topic. It can be baking questions, um, baking questions, Yeah, bring those my way. I want to see how that goes. I personally am a terrible baker, so I don't know how much help I'm going to be on that. But you know what, we have, we have friends coming to help and give us a Yeah. And pets were always open to talking about pets. That's important.

Breast implant illness, that's a big topic, and we want more people to talk about it and call in about that because we want to talk about that and parenting. We have specialists coming on to talk about parenting. So if you have a pressing parenting question or if you've been struggling with something as a parent, this is the place to come. And that might be a great place for a couple to come together and say, hey, we're disagreeing on this specific choice to make as regards one

of our children. So you know, call in right in, don't be shy, right into Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Well, this was a delightful episode. Are you say that to all of your games? We have a good time every time we do enjoy I really doesn't matter how busy I was. I was going to do this because I love being you know, I love you. Thank you. I appreciate spending your time with us, and I appreciate your sound advice to everybody. I try. I try my best. But who else is tapping into your

psychology degree besides this podcast? I mean, are you giving out a lot of advice to people because you're not bad at it? Thanks? I think I help with my friends here and there, but honestly, mostly myself, I have a good way of working through my problems in my brain. Well, I think you should just take that degree and sign it right over to me, because I've been wanting a degree for some time and I'm acting like I have one. So the best degree is life experience. Oh put that

on your shirt. That was really good. Don't put that on People say that all the time, right, Yeah, so it's not originally Okay, that sounds something like that sounds like something a Canadian would say. Okay, well there's things. Am I allowed to ask you some advice? Yeah? Because okay, here's yeah, here's the thing. I had a birthday recently. You know this, okay, and I want this happy birthday,

Thank you so much. I want this advice specifically from you, because when I think of Chelsea, I think of someone who's just so unapologetic, doesn't care about the rules, paves her own path, and does what serves her best. I try to be like that, but every once in a while, I have to think, what would Chelsea do? So I turned thirty three, which I'm going to obviously say, I feel so old. You're going to be like, shut that up, because you're you're probably older. Yeah, giving me I'm not

I'm not Lily. I'm thirty one. What's funny is something funny? Nothing? Nothing in this industry. I know. I always preach a j nothing but a number. You can do whatever you want, But in this industry, I can't help but feel crap. My career is gonna be over. I'm now the old woman of color in this industry, trying to make it Like. I read scripts now and they have a story about an old woman and she's twenty eight in the script and I'm like, ah, how do I get over this? How?

How do I not care about this? I really want to not care about it, But how do I not care about this age thing as a woman in this industry? First of all, I think I started my first TV show or Chelsea Lately, when I was thirty three. So the age I am, the age you're at is when I hit my big everyone knew about me, so that was when I started. So, first of all, you're a person of color, You're fine. People are going to be

catering to you for a long time. Finally, exactly exactly, so just know that you have an advantage, fucking finally, and we all are going through an evolution we're all doing things in our own time. The only you know that kind of talk to yourself. Every time you have that thought to yourself, you have to flip it and you have to go, oh my god, what am I

going to do next? It's just what you were talking about earlier, about how you get into a job and you think that you're gonna be doing that for the rest of your life, whether it's late night, whether it's your YouTube, whatever it is. It's like you have a thirst for knowledge, you have a thirst for you know, entertainment. You're never gonna do anything else. This is where you belong. And I always tell myself that it's like, what am I going to go do? Be an attorney? I mean,

this is what you do. And there's nothing wrong with aging. Aging is is an attraction for so many people. You know, you're a role model, Like I'm forty six. Listen, I've never looked better than I do now. I've never been happier than I am now, and that's thirteen years away from where you are. So don't even fucking worry about age. And you know what, I know, it's easier said than done, But every time you think about that, you just have to think I'm just getting started. Dann. You see that's

at Chelsea Energy. I needed to bottle that up right here and take it home. We put it in a special spot. Amen's Sister. Thank you, thank you for listening. You guys. I'm really excited to see everybody on tour, and we will be back next week with more Shenanigans. I guess I just want to a subtle plug. I hosted one of Chelsea's tours, and she's amazing on tour. If you've never seen her, you should definitely see her. She's amazing.