People have been reaching out to me asking what I'm doing this year for Mother's Day. I will say a prayer for my mom, have a conversation with her... even if it's one sided and I'll do something that we'd normally do together. At least that is the plan. "Plan" is the operative term. Just because I think that's what I want to do doesn't mean it'll happen that way. If I feel I need to switch it up, then I will. I encourage you to do the same. Make a plan and if it doesn't feel right, then change i...
May 09, 2019•15 min•Ep. 159
After seeing so many posts about time healing all wounds this bast week and with the NFL draft taking place, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to talk about that dirty little for letter "T" word again... time. Teams look to the NFL draft to make there teams better. Instead of waiting for their allotted pick to come and hoping that the player they may want to select will still be available the take action - they trade up to get to get him. This may cost them other pick in this draft or future ...
May 01, 2019•27 min•Ep. 158
Today is the 41st anniversary of my father's murder. I hcan vividly remember everything that happened on this day back on April 24, 1978. Walking into the store and finding my father lying face down in a pool of his own blood. The difference this year is that I have to face this one alone... mom is not hear for me to talk to. The force that used to calm me and help me somehow make sense of all of it in no longer with me; she is with my father. For the first time in 41 years, they are finally tog...
Apr 24, 2019•16 min•Ep. 157
This past weekend I participated in the 7th Annual DC Webfest, which showcases independent digital content creators in the areas of short films, web series, games, VR, podcasts and other areas. Surprisingly, the podcast won the festival's highest award for podcasting - the Gold Award. I'd like to thank DC Webfest, 20/20 Productions and the judges who voted for the podcast. It was an honor to be included for selection with so many other great podcasts. With that said, I made a stunning observatio...
Apr 17, 2019•19 min•Ep. 156
I've been asked if I get depressed after doing an episode of the podcast and Ive been told by many people that they can't listen to my show because they get the vibe that it will be depressing and it'll make them sad. I ask these people if they watch television shows like NCIS, Law & Order, This is Us, or even 48 Hours. If the aswer is "yes" then my follow up question is why do you watch a show where you know someone is going to die and watch to see how the criminal gets caught, but you don'...
Apr 10, 2019•17 min•Ep. 155
Today I have a chat with Tom Biddulph. Tom's blog, Good Grievings chronicles the several loss stories he's experienced throughout his life. As one who wrestled with if and how to share my own story, I was curious to discuss why he chose to blog about grief, or even speak about it in the first place. As always, I'm always interested in discussing grief with other men. You can find Tom's blog here: Good Grievings Or connect with Tom on Twitter: @GoodGrievings For more grief related resources, plea...
Apr 03, 2019•47 min•Ep. 134
Reach in you pocket, wallet, or purse and pull out a bill, for me that is a 20 dollar bill. Now look at it and frocus on the different element of the bill. Where was it made? Have you been there and if so how did you like it? How are you going to spend that money? Put gas in the car, buy groceries, or pay bills. maybe you'll save it - who knows? When my parents died, they were different things to different people - mother, father, daughter, son, brother, sister... you get the picture. So when my...
Mar 27, 2019•16 min•Ep. 153
Sometimes the things I plan don't come out as expected. This podcasr, for example, is edited before being released. You don't hear all of the umms, aahs, ands, or buts that I say during the episode's recording. The reason for this is that I've edited them out. Grief is the same way... Sometimes, I put on a smile or tell people that I'm doing OK, but really I'm not. I'm simply masking my feelings because I don't want people to know that I'm hurting. I'm still trying to cope with the loss of my mo...
Mar 20, 2019•25 min•Ep. 152
This week I share an amazing conversation I had with a woman who is teaching her children that it is OK to speak about your grief and that it's Ok to be vulnerable around your children when it comes to grief. Rhiannon Jones is a writer, life coach and author of the book “The Web of Grief.” She has written blog posts and articles for charities such as The British Heart Foundation as well as the mental health charity, Mind. After losing her brother suddenly and unexpectedly, she made the decision ...
Mar 13, 2019•48 min•Ep. 151
I had the opportunity ro watch one of my favorite movies, The Untouchables and to reflect on one of the key quotes of the movie for me... "What are you prepared to do?" This movie centers around Prohibition in America, a time when the manufacturing and consumption of alcohol was illegal. Al capone establishes an illegal alcohol empire by manufacruing and selling liquor on the black market. Elliot Ness is a federal agent who enlists the help of Jim Malone, a Chicago police officer to help him cat...
Mar 06, 2019•18 min•Ep. 150
It is not often that I have a conversation with someone who has suffered multiple losses and has found the courage and the means to use it a way to help others who are going trough their own struggles. Anne Brener is the author of “Mourning and Mitzvah: A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner’s Path Through Grief to Healing” first published in 1993 and now revised and expanded and published as a 25th Anniversary Edition from Turner Publishing. An ordained rabbi, psychotherapist and spiritual gu...
Feb 27, 2019•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 149
The Washington Post has a longtime running advertising tagline, "If you don't get it, you don't get it." I always thought that this meant if you didn't subscribe to or read the Washington Post newspaper tyou were missing out on the best news you could get about the DC metro area and the most political news possible. Now, as it relates to my grief journey, it simply means that that unless you've been through your own grief journey, you don't truly have an understanding of what it's like to go thr...
Feb 20, 2019•26 min•Ep. 148
Sam Feldman and Ken Levy are members of the National Widowers' Organization. It's an organization created by Sam to help men deal with their grief by talking about it with other men. we have a candid discussion about losing a spouse, finding companionship after loss and the act of moving through your grief by sharing your experiences with other widowers. for more information about the National Widowers' Organization visit: https://nationalwidowers.org/ For grief related resources go to: http://w...
Feb 13, 2019•54 min•Ep. 147
When my dad died, I struggled moving forward because I couldn't let go... not of my father, but of the things that kept me from living - fear, anger, revenge, uncertainty. I had to let those things go in order to mentally and emotionally let myself live. I have to now retrain my brain to do the same thing in the absence of my mother. For grief related resources go to: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/ Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscri...
Feb 06, 2019•15 min•Ep. 146
I returned to work for the first time THIS YEAR after the longest government shutdown in U.S. history. Usually when the government shutdown happens ist only for a day or to until these things get resolved, but not this time... the shutdown lasted 35 days. No one was prepared to go that long without receiving a paycheck. So this week I reflect on the uncertainty presented with grief as it relates to the recent shutdown, and is it possible to prepare for such things. For grief related resources go...
Jan 30, 2019•23 min•Ep. 145
A few weeks ago I spoke to a widow who's support system disappeared after she lost her husband. Today, I welcome a guest who's support system vanished in the course of 15 months... yes, months because they all passed away! Sandy Rocourt is a creative writer, speaker, and strategic transformational educator, who helps clients turn the tragedy of loss & heartbreak into the strength needed to rebuild their lives. Sandy is currently completing her memoir by winter of 2019. After going through mu...
Jan 23, 2019•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 144
If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. Mother Teresa 3 years ago I embarked on a journey inspired by two people: One who inspired me to tell my story - this person still has no idea of this and Dave Jackson,from the School of Podcasting who introduced me to the medium through which to tell it. At the time I just wanted to get some things off of my chest. Things that I had been carrying around at that time some 38 years. Just to be able to clear my head of some things that I will...
Jan 16, 2019•18 min•Ep. 143
As I mentioned, I am going to use this platform more to give others an opportunity to speak out about their experiences moving through the grief process. This week I have a discussion around being abandoned by those you thought would be your biggest supporters. Michelle Marek was born and raised in Maryland and grew up poor Her parents always pushed her to have a better life than them. She fought for everything she's accomplished, including RN BSN degrees, mother of 2 sons. Her second marriage w...
Jan 09, 2019•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 142
As the calendar has turned to 2019 I have a few things that I have found true about grief that I need to remember from time to time. 1. Grief is a marathon and not a sprint... that never ends. It has no finish line. We will carry our loss forever. 2. You will fall off the wagon. At some point you will see something or do something that will remind you of a loved one. Like hearing a favorite song that was special between the two of you. 3. Speaking of songs just like the one's you listened to in ...
Jan 02, 2019•17 min•Ep. 141
I waited until just a few minutes ago - just now - to record this episode... I've been struggling with how I would feel about Christmas without being able to speak to my mother. This is something I have spoken about in the last few weeks. I wanted to get the ray, fresh emotions of the day. To be honest, I cried a little when I woke up on Christmas but then I decided I need to so things down a little and do some things that incorporated my mother and my grandfather into this holiday. So I made ho...
Dec 26, 2018•17 min•Ep. 140
I will not focus on the "firsts" as this is the first Christmas without my mother. There are a lot of people who make a big deal of telling me this. Instead I will focus on the way that she lived. I will pay special attention on making sure to carry on the traditions that we have during the Christmas holiday: exchanging gifts with family, calling those that are not close, and simply enjoying the day as best as I can. The thing that I'll miss most is not hearing her voice, especially her voice. I...
Dec 19, 2018•15 min•Ep. 139
Last week for the first time I had a dream about someone who was deceased... it was a dream about my mother. It was a dream about a family tradition that we had of opening Christmas presents after Midnight Mass. Now the strange thing is that I didn't let the dream play out because I got so freaked out that I was having this dream that I woke before it ended. Even stranger is the fact that during the last visit that I had with my mom before she went into the hospital I felt my dad's presence in t...
Dec 12, 2018•19 min•Ep. 138
Life is painful... as a baby we probably feel our first pain when we are teething. Our gums swell and maybe turn red as our teeth begin to push their way through. Parents try all types of remedies to ease this pain... teething rings or home made remedies like brandy or whiskey During adolescence, we experience "growing pains" whether the psychological process of wanting to do/be more than we are allowed or suffering from the physical condition that some people have where the bones grow at a fast...
Dec 05, 2018•21 min•Ep. 137
Dealing with my mother's personal things after her death is something I began the process of doing during the 2018 Thanksgiving holiday and it was easier than I thought it would be... until it wasn't. sometimes I had to stop and step away for a few minutes until emotionally I could continue going through things. It was the drive back to DC that I started to process other things. It wasn't until then that I realized grief is like a road trip. When driving, as I pass from one stat to the next the ...
Nov 28, 2018•25 min•Ep. 136
As I prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday, I reflect on the things for which I'm grateful. I'm am grateful for the love and support shown me and for those who have lifted me up in this time of need. I'm also grateful for the people that surround me with love and lift me up during difficult times. I speak a lot about time... I'm grateful for the time I've received with my loved ones who have preceded me in death - mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents. The time that I was given to know and learn ...
Nov 21, 2018•17 min•Ep. 135
Mental health is a topic that is not discussed often enough. On today's show, I'd like to welcome Nancy Eigel-Miller to discuss the work she is doing to educate others in concerning this topic. Nancy founded the James W. Miller Memorial Fund in 2010 after losing her husband Jim to suicide in 2008. She spent her career in the marketing/market research arena but the call to educate about mental health issues to the youth population pull her in that direction. Her mission is to change the conversat...
Nov 14, 2018•33 min•Ep. 134
As the holiday's approach I have been asked about how I will be affected by the loss of my mom. I'll be OK... I'm doing much better than I thought I'd be at this time. Maybe because I've learned how to process my feelings. Maybe because in some small way missing the holidays during other times in my life have prepared me for life without her. Question: How long do you wait before you go through your love ones possessions? Inquiring minds want to know!! Subscribe to this podcast by using one of t...
Nov 07, 2018•11 min•Ep. 133
As the death certificate from my mother arrived this week, I've re-evaluated a lot of feelings I've had since her passing. The irony is I'm dealing with handling her affairs as an only child and while I've never had siblings, I wonder what this process would be like if I could share the load with someone else. In believing that no one would reach out to support me, or should I say my mother in this process, I was wrong. They did - in droves. The irony is, I had to step away from it for a little ...
Oct 31, 2018•14 min•Ep. 132
Once again I have been plagued by the concept of time. When I was 10 I began marking time since my father passed and in reflecting back on his death and having begun the process of processing my mother's loss, I realize that I won't do the same with her loss. When dad died I didn't know what I didn't know about loss: I would have a child that would never know him, or that I would have certain experiences that I would not be able to share or get advice from him. Each year that passed simply marke...
Oct 24, 2018•18 min•Ep. 131
Thank you to everyone who has given support to myself and my family in this difficult time following the death of my mother. I appreciate the the love I've received from my immediate and extended family, my friends - many of whom I haven't seen in years, and those of you who know me exclusively through this podcast. I am amazed at the number of emails, text messages, social media posts, etc. that have been seen to my or about my mom. It is greatly appreciated. I'd like to give a special thanks t...
Oct 17, 2018•21 min•Ep. 130
