Hey, Deb. What do you think about Grisham Lodge for dinner tonight? They have this restaurant where you can sit behind a waterfall.
Wow. That's a cool location. That could come in handy for my next book, trip battles piranha behind a waterfall of toxic sludge. What? Honey, I'm a writer. I'm always on the prowl for new material. Tripp demands it.
You act like Tripp is real, dad.
He is real to me. He has
to be. Forget it.
Tell you what, why don't you pack? I pick out a contest winner. We jump in the car. We're on the road by noon. You mean it? I mean it.
He did not mean it.
He did not mean it.
Hey, Val. Hey, Al. Welcome to the commentaries.
Thank you. Welcome to you, and welcome to our
Explicit. Explicit. Oh,
yeah. This movie fucking sucks. Yeah. Spoiler. Man. You don't need to listen to the rest of this episode. I know, but you have to, actually. Sorry. But you but you actually But
you actually have to.
Man, I was so excited looking at this stacked cast. I know. Me too. Me too. So disappointed. I know. It's funny too because George Newbern has been in 2 of the biggest duds out of the DCOMs that we've watched, and he's not a bad actor. No. It's so bizarre, his choices, or I guess it's not entirely his fault. That's what he got constant. But still, like Who's his agent? Who's his agent? Know, but they he needs a fire.
Get this get this man get this man more better opportunity.
Alright. Let's get to the business. Let's do this. Okay. Dad Napped was unfortunately released on February 16, 2009. Here's so sad. It was the first release in 2009. I feel like they dumped it in February because they knew it was, like, garbage. Like, they did rarely did releases in, like, January, February, I feel like. So the fact that they did tells you everything you need to know about this movie.
Yeah. It also was directed by Paul Hoenn, who also directed the movie we just talked about, Cheetah Girls 1 World.
Oh, and we liked that one. Yeah. I mean, we liked it more than some of these movies.
Yeah. I mean, I think I think he's kind of, for me at least, like, hit or miss. Right? Because he he directed Luck of the Irish, which I know you hate, but I like. He directed True Confessions, which I think is, like, a good movie. It's not really a decom person. I mean, it is a decom, but you know what I mean. Yep. He did You Wish, which I did not like, Eddie's $1,000,000 Cook Off, which I did like, Read It and Weep, which I did not like.
So it's just like a little switch for you, Val.
Yeah. Right. Right. Camp Rock 2, which we haven't watched yet, How to Build a Better Boy, which we have not watched yet, and zombies 1 through 3, which we have not watched yet.
I do have a couple when watching this movie, I was like, oh, I have so many thoughts about what Val's gonna say. Like, I already know what Val's gonna say. One of them being, I knew it was Paul Hoenn because I had watched the credits in the beginning.
Yeah.
And I just wrote, the thing flying around the room and cutting open the watermelon has to be Val's worst nightmare.
Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop. Literally, there was there almost in the first scene maybe, there was, like, a literal, like, sound bad sound effect, like Yeah. Like, 3 stooges. I was like, oh, no. No. No. No. No. I think I wrote it down. Oh, yeah. I said, oh, no. The sound effects.
Called it. Called it. Called it.
Oh, god. Yeah. What's interesting is this was written by Alan Silberberg who has not written any other DCOMs. He did write episodes of Double Dare, which kinda makes sense for this movie. Yeah. Mickey Mouse Club, like, the newer one with Hot dog. All our all our pals. Doug, which is one of my favorite shows.
You love Doug.
Something called Student Bodies and something called Chop Chop Ninja, neither of which I'd ever heard of. But so he has this sort of Nickelodeon Disney resume
Yeah.
But he worked mostly in live or animated stuff, so it's interesting that he wrote for this. Also, it feels like it was written by Dan Berenson.
Yeah.
Like, it has that same feel to it, but it wasn't. So it's kinda interesting. But, like, the Double Dare thing makes perfect sense
for this movie. You said that. I was like, oh, the end makes sense now.
Right. Exactly. We'll talk more about that when we get there. The cast is as follows. Basically, it's the cast of Hannah Montana. Emily Osment played Melissa Morris. She is best known for Hannah Montana. She also does, like, some voice acting, and, of course, she's a singer, so she has music videos and stuff. She was in Kick Buttowski, which I've never heard of, cleaners, young and hungry hungry, the Komisky method, which I had heard of. Michael Douglas was in that.
She's done voices on Family Guy, and she was most recently is in Young Sheldon.
Oh, yeah. She is in Young Sheldon. I saw her on my television. Also, I heard Young and Hungry wasn't a terrible show.
I have no idea what that is.
It was on, ABC Family.
Oh, okay. Cool.
I like Emily Osman a lot. I I with all of these these cast members, I don't really think any of them did a bad job. I think that it's just a bad movie.
The premise of this movie and the writing of this so, okay. Here is I said this, like, as a in my notes at some point, but I was, like, the the utter irony of the fact that this entire movie is about writing Yeah. And writing well, and it is the most poorly written. Yeah. Like, I was really struggling to find, like, any quotes that I liked.
Like, it it just fell so flat, and it felt very like it was trying to be other movies or, like, making jokes that I've heard a 1000000 times. Like, it was just very unoriginal to me. Yeah. So I thought it was very ironic that this whole thing is about writing. Yeah. So anyway but, like, you're absolutely right. Like, I think that Emily did a great job. Like, I she was she's sort of kind of the street man in this. Like, she's sort of expected to kind of
Which she's not in Montana.
Right. And she does fine. Yeah. But she does fine, but she's just not given that much to do in this movie. Right? She's just sort of reacting to other people. Yeah. Also, have you seen, that documentary quite on set?
Yes. Not the final episode, but I've seen 1 through 4.
Okay. Did the book gag make you think of that at all?
The book gag.
Where she gets hit in the face with the green stuff?
Oh, I didn't even think about that. No. But now that you say it, like yeah.
Yeah. Because, like, knowing that this guy worked at both, Nickelodeon and Disney. I don't know. I would, like, it just it was interesting. Yeah. It I I would never have thought about it if I hadn't seen that documentary, but, like, this was kind of around the same time Right. That all of that was going down at Nickelodeon. So it's interesting. I mean, maybe a little bit afterwards, but, like Yeah. I've said before that I think this era of decom is, like, trying really hard to be Nickelodeon.
And so, like, it's interesting that they did this gag that became very famous on Nickelodeon.
Yeah. Interesting.
It's interesting. Yeah. Anyway, David Henry played Weez, the head weirdo. Mhmm. And he was on That's So Raven, Wizards of Waverly Place. And what I recognize him from was he was the son in How I Met Your Mother. Mhmm. So, like, they filmed him and the other girl for one day, and then they used that footage For for literally, like, 7 seasons of that show. Oh, which is so funny. I feel like he's like a he he, like, looks like other guys around his same age who were famous at the same time Mhmm.
But just, like, not quite as cute.
Oh, I think he's so cute.
Oh, I did not find him attractive. I
think he's so cute.
Yeah. He looks like
Val goes,
like a villain to me. Like, he has some nefarious plot
going on. Well, I'm oh, now we're, though, like, in the time of where, like, I watched all these people. I watched Hannah Montana. I watched Wizards of Waverly Place. I watched the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Like, I I Yeah. This is I remember watching this
shirt.
We're explosive.
I I watched Tana Montana to some degree as well, actually. I, you know, I was a little old for it, but I I liked it.
Yeah.
Speaking of Hannah Montana, Jason Earls played Merv Kilbo. He played Hannah Montana's elder brother, in Hannah Montana. Jason. And he was also in something called Kickin' It, which I'd never heard of, and he's been on High School Musical, the musical, the series. He played kind of a grown up version of his character from Hamlet.
Yeah. Basically.
He's a physical comedian.
He was older though when he was cast as a older brother. Like, I remember him being in his, like, late twenties when he was cast as, like, a teeny girl. Thing. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. It was a thing. Mhmm. Yeah. So he's basically playing, like, a 35 year old sort of evil version of his character, Montana. But, like, same kind of physical comedy and stuff. Jonathan Kelts played Trip Zoom.
Who I don't recognize at all.
He is Canadian.
That's why I I am not. Right.
He was on some episodes of Entourage. He was on an episode of Murdoch Mysteries. He was on a show I watched called Cardinal, which was sort of like a crime drama, you know, because I'm a sucker for those.
Hopes.
No. Nope. The detective's name is Cardinal. Oh. So It'd be funny if there was
a detective drama about the pope.
Well, there is a British, show that is called oh, I forgot what it's called. It's no. But it's literally a priest is, like, solving crimes. It's very silly. There's oh, there's actually 2 of them. There's one called father Brown, and then there's another one where, like, a younger guy who's, like, a priest or a pastor or whatever solves crimes.
Anyway That's funny.
I know. And then he's been in, like, Hallmark y movies because, of course, he has. Like, you look at him, you're like, yep. He's a Hallmark guy. Yeah. He was fine. He didn't really have that much to do in this movie. Mhmm. Moises Arias played Andre, the little brother. He was also on Hannah Montana. Mhmm. He was in Pitch Perfect 3. More recently, he was in 5 Feet Apart, King of Staten Island, and most most recently, he was in the show Fallout that just came out.
Oh, cool. Good for him.
Mhmm.
I know he's really good friends with the the Smith children, Jaden and Willow. Oh. I think he's friends with Jaden Smith.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah. I also He was I watched the movie 5 feet apart. It was not terrible.
Yeah. It looked fine from the trailers. I just never saw it. He was fine in this. Again, he wasn't given that much to do. Yeah. He also had the weirdest hair I've ever seen.
Yeah. Interesting.
He had, like, John and Kate plus 8, Kate's hairdo.
Uh-huh. That's funny.
The, like, suburban mom circa 2008. Then we had, Denzel Whitaker playing Sheldon. Mhmm. He was on All That. I saw her. Connection to Quiet on Set. And he's a character actor. He's been in lots of stuff, and he looked kind of familiar to me.
Like, I've
definitely seen him and stuff.
He I also wish they gave him more to do in this movie too.
Agreed. He was just playing kind of a dummy, and it was boring. Yeah.
Like, it was just so important. To have more. When you first see him, you're like, oh, he's gonna be important, and then you, like, get him just kinda trailing along, and it's like, no. I wanted to see more of him.
Yeah. Like, I think they what they could have done with him is kind of what they did with the guy from Holes in Xenon where he's kinda like the guy in the chair. You know? Like, he's the guy who's, like, good at tech or something like that. Like, he could have added to it instead of always being, like, the butt of every joke because he didn't know what the hell was going on. Right. That's just so boring. Yeah.
Yeah. Get better tropes. Seriously.
Charles Halford played a skunk who there were, like, 2 villain I I don't even know. There were, like, 3 layers of plots and villains in this movie. And it also and Yeah. He was in Luck of the Irish. Oh. I think he probably played one of the lackeys of the bad guy because I didn't, like, specifically remember him. He was on the show Constantine. He was in the movie Logan Lucky, and he was more recently in that show Outer Banks.
Oh, I watched that.
Yeah. Again, he was not a bad actor, but his character was All
of them.
George Newbern played Neil Morris, the dad. We saw him in Buffalo Dreams. He's also been in lots of stuff. He was in Adventures in Babysitting, It Takes 2, Father of the Bride, all of the father of the brides, BOL, Providence, Justice League, and Scandal most recently. Wow. He's had probably the biggest career of everybody.
Also, he and Emily Osment were both on a Friends episode.
Oh, fun. Mhmm. Very cool.
Kinda cool. It's not the same one, but they were on there.
Joy Miyashima was back as the sheriff. Yeah. A sort of blink and you miss it kind of part, but he was also in double teamed, right on track, High School Musical 2 and 3, I believe. And he also, like, other than DCOMS, he was in Karate Kid 2, and he's just a character actor.
Yeah. I like him
a lot. Tons of stuff. Yeah. He's great. He plays this like, again, he's not given much to do, but he actually, like, makes, makes good on it on what he's given. Like, he does a good job with it. Okay. Cool. That's the cast.
It is not. You missed one person. You missed Phil Lewis. Mister Mosby from Suite Life.
Oh, wait. What? Did I delete it, or did I just miss it? Wow. Oh, I did just miss it completely. Okay. Sorry. You're right. Okay. Phil Lewis played Maurice Lagarche, what a name, Moe for short. And he was, like, the other half of the pair with skunk. Mhmm. He was in Heathers, City Slickers, something called Teach, which I'd never heard of, the Wayans Brothers Show, I Spy, and then, of course, Suite Life of Zach and Cody.
It was really cool seeing him be a like, he was our capital a actor, I feel like, in this, like Yes. Film. Like, he was the one who was like, I am taking this so seriously, and it was really cool. Which
I appreciate Yeah. Because it's kind of I've I've heard this before, maybe you've heard this too, but, like, the Muppet Christmas Carol is, like, the best Christmas Carol because, what's his name? Michael Caine. Michael Caine is acting his ass off in that movie. He is not acting like he's in a movie with Muppets. Right. He's acting like he is in, like, a fucking Shakespearean play. Yep. And this is kind of the same thing. Like, Phil Lewis was like, I don't care if this is trash.
I'm gonna do everything I can to make this Oscar worthy, and he did what he could. And, yes, he is the best thing in this.
Yep. Cool. Thanks for inviting him, Val.
Yes. Of course. I'm sorry. I forgot. Thank you for that quick catch. The synopsis is as follows. Melissa has a bad case of sibling rivalry. She's actually jealous of teen of a teenage spy in the bestseller written by her dad. And when she's kidnapped by a group of fanatical fans, it's up to her to emulate her rival superhero skills to rescue him. So, obviously, there was a typo because it's not her that's kidnapped. Yeah. It's her dad. That's the whole point.
Point of that. The title.
I I get the sibling rivalry thing. That is fair. That makes sense. They even kind of show that literally, and, like, she picks up a family photo, and, like, he appears in the family photo for a second. Yeah. That's fine. Okay. Fun fact. Oh, this might actually explain part of why it sucks. It was put on hold because of the right insurance.
Oh, I did know that. I did look that up too. Yes. That's definitely why because everything struggled.
Yeah. It also might explain why it was released in February, too.
Yeah. They're like, we gotta get this out.
Yeah. And another interesting fact, Sabrina Bryan, aka Doe from Cheetah Girls, was originally meant to play Melissa, which I feel like would have been a very different Melissa. Wow. Yeah. She I feel like she no no offense to her, but she would have been too old.
Yeah. And also, I think that, like, you know, she, granted, I've really only seen her play dough, but, like, I just feel like she like, the whole thing with Melissa, she's kind of, like, precocious Mhmm. Bookish, almost mousy. Like, she's always, like, cute, but, like Yeah. You know, not in, like, a a sort of hot sense. And I feel like dough gives off more of, like, a, I'm a hot girl. Like Yeah. You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And I just don't know that that would have I mean, it would have just been a different, different movie. Would have been a different movie. Interesting. Not better or worse. Just a different one. Mhmm. Okay. That is the business done. Done. Al, what were your first impressions of this movie?
Thanks, Val. I'm gonna give it, like, a 3a half
Yikes. Which makes me so sad, but I
could not stay interested. I started playing games on my phone. Mhmm.
If I'm
playing games on my phone, something's wrong. Hey. Everyone, have you seen me playing games on my phone? Hey. You got games on your phone? I'm checking on me. And this was one of those times. Specifically, the game is 2048. Yeah. I feel like we kind of talked about our first impressions, really. It was Uh-huh. It was just not well written. Some of the choices just were, like, too big. Yeah. I don't even know if if it was made better if I would like it.
Does that make sense? Like, I don't even know if they, like, wrote it differently that I would like it. Like, I don't know that I liked the plot. Sure.
I don't know. Mhmm.
But I'm happy to be here. Val, first impressions.
Thanks, Val. So I actually am in the opposite camp, not in the sense that I liked this, because I didn't, but in the sense that I liked the idea, but I think it was executed really poorly. So I think, like, the idea of a girl who is having a challenged time maintaining a relationship with her dad because he is too obsessed with his career as an author and, you know, his fans and all that stuff. Like, that in and of itself is an interesting story. Right?
Then they put a hat on a hat on a hat on a hat on a hat and made it
all smile. It was gross. So confusing.
It was just silly. Like, I was literally like, what is the it was so convoluted at the end. Mhmm. Even when they explained it explicitly what was going on, I was still, like, this makes no sense. Like, this is so stupid. So, yes, I think that if they'd stayed more true to that, like, basically, they could have stripped off the extra 2 2nd and third layer of, like, villains or whatever.
Yeah.
And they could have just left it at, like, the first layer, which we'll talk more about in Spoiler City.
Mhmm.
I think
I would have liked that better.
Yeah. It would have been more straightforward. They could have had more fun with it. Like, it felt like, you know, it what's interesting is a lot of criticisms of recent Marvel movies is that they are written to a, like, big scene that has already been, like, conceptualized ahead of the script being written. So they have to, like, write around that scene to, like, make it make sense.
Right? And it felt like this movie wanted to have this big crazy moment at the end of this movie, and they wrote the whole movie around it to, like, make to justify this thing that happens at the end. And it wasn't necessary. None of it was necessary, and it could have just been a more straight down the down the barrel movie, which I say about a lot of these in this kind of middle era. I just feel like they get too silly.
Like, what I love about the original dcoms is, like, they might have had silly premises, but they were always playing them seriously. And they were not, like, winking at the camera. They were just, like, this is what's happening. I am taking this seriously, And I that's what I loved about those movies because they treated us, the watcher, the kid, like, we are not an idiot. Yeah.
Like, we don't need a bunch of, like, whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop to stay interested. Right? And I just feel like these ones don't do that. Mhmm. Anyway Anyway. Did you did you have any favorite quotes or moments? Yeah.
Actually, I did have a couple of quotes.
Okay. Good.
My name? Skunk. I worship at your feet, Neil. No need. This was my favorite moment. Lady and gentlemen, and then he pushes the pizza off the table and puts down, like, a tray of just cheese cubes and tiny sausages with 2 bits in them spread across this huge tray.
And some of them had corn cob, like, things in them instead
of toothpicks. Totally. I'm not writing this book for you. I think you will, big daddy.
Anyhow? Context, these lines are funnier than they are in context.
My parents never understood why I love these books, and all I gotta say is reading rocks. God. Take that corn cob and stab it in my eyeball. Val, any favorite quotes or moments?
Yeah. A couple. Also, I just saw a note where I wrote, who the hell are these 2 adult guys? Yeah. Literally. At some point, someone said I don't remember the context at all. Someone said, well, the system is stupid, which I just think is Yes. A great general quote that is true. Another one. Do you even know what a calendar is? A line I hated Let's hear it. Is Andre's, Melissa is, like, getting in Weez's face, and, Andre's little brother goes, feisty. I like it. Oh, yeah.
He's just like, bleh. You're, like, 6.
Yeah. It's just he was like, his character was so weird. Yeah. No, dad. Peter Pan is a fictional character. Trip Zoom is a pain in my butt.
Yep. That was good.
Does say he have ski wrote some really good stuff in the slammer. And then my favorite moment is not really a moment, but it's the fact that for literally no reason whatsoever, they play a game called Word Wham
Yes.
That is literally just upwards Yes. But they probably weren't allowed to call it upwards. And for those who maybe don't know what upwards is, because I have no idea if it's still, like, a thing that people play. Mhmm. It's scrabble, but also you can put letters on top of each other as well as, like, a cross. So, yeah, I don't know why that's a part of the plot. It's dumb, and I don't get it, but it's just upwards with a different name.
Yes. Dumb.
Dumb. Okay. I'm good if we want to, take our tops off and go through the, car wash
and head this completely. Minutes later have perfect hair after going through a car
wash with the
top off.
I wrote that too. But somehow, what's his face? Had his entire suit torn off of his body.
Mhmm. Well, that has happened to me, though. So
Sure. Yeah.
Here in Spoiler City, where our tots are off. Okay. Now typically, as you all know, because all of you listen to this all the time, I take a lot of notes when I don't like a movie for some reason because I feel like I need to put in a lot of information. And for not really liking this movie, I didn't take a million notes. So that, I'd say, is a good thing.
So if I forget something, it's because it wasn't important. K. Alright. Lights up on a room in a house with a girl singing her songs. It's Emily Osment. And then she's looking at her family picture of her mom, her dad, and then she glances away and then glances back, and then, like, a guy pops in the picture. And we're like, That's weird. Like, ghost.
Mhmm.
Then he's gone. And then that's the first scene. And you know what that means, Val? No narrator. That's why we get 3a half. Then, we're at Upper Valley High School. I don't know why I wrote that down, but I did. I think because I maybe thought that this would take place at the high school, but it doesn't.
Okay. Of that.
So then they're in class, and, apparently, it's, like, about to be summer break. And, they're doing book reports and
In the cafeteria.
Cafeteria. Weird. Upper Valley High School, more like weird. Then, Zimmer gets chosen. I went to high school with a Jacob Zimmer, so hope you're well, Jacob. So Jacob Zimmer gets called up. He's doing his report on Neil Morris's book, and, Emily Osment rolls her eyes.
She's like, wow.
And we can only assume because it's her dad, Neil Morris, the new book. And and they're like, how
how did you get it? How did you get this book? It's not out until tomorrow. He's like, oh, my dad works at at a publishing with the pages, and so I gotta read it for early.
And then at the end, they're like, and it's Melissa's dad. And then she's like, Debbie Ryan tucking her hair behind her ear, like, annoyed. Then for some reason, which this, like, never comes back, it takes us to a story within the book. Yeah. Like, we joke
Well, it's because he's doing the book report.
Yeah. It's just like we never have that happen ever again. It was just such a weird choice. And so it's a the the book is about agent trip zoom, and it the the scene ends with trip rules.
It's kind of like if Mission Impossible was about teenagers. Okay. And for those of those of us
who haven't seen Mission Impossible, which is definitely not me.
Mission Impossible is kind of like the double o seven of America.
And for those of us who have seen haven't seen Double A's know Definitely.
The vibe of James Bond. Right? Like, it's sort of like a campy, like, crime Spy. Solver, spy Where's a stupid who gets into and then out of crazy situations. So it's like, if that person was American and a teenager. Okay.
So then she starts talking to Trip Zoom.
Yeah. Very read it and weep Yeah.
Style. And then his mouth starts moving and talks back to her, which
I hated.
Then we come back home, and we find out that mom and dad are divorced. And she's spending her vacation time with dad, who is the author of the TripZoom books series. And mom doesn't trust it, hence the divorce.
Yeah. There's some very exposition y like, your dad's a flake.
Yeah. But they're supposed to go camping, and he brings a cutout of trips. So it's just the 2 of them, and then there's just this trip cutout in between them, a la, like, Crossroads driving through. Or, another movie I haven't seen, which is, the Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon.
Oh, I actually haven't seen that either. Thelma and Louise. Oh, we should watch that. We should. Have you seen? A very special episode of Have You Seen where neither of us have seen it.
Wow. Okay. So then it turns into instead of, like, them going camping, it turns into them going to the Radiator Springs of Utah to go to the zoom trip Zoom convention, and it is in the town of Mercury. Is it not exactly Radiator Springs?
That is so true. That's so funny. It is. No. You're absolutely right. It's so funny. You're right.
I love cars. Shout out to cars.
Oh, Cars is so underrated. Oh. The rest of the Cars movies No. But the first one, Great.
Well and the problem with Cars 2 we're getting into it because we love this movie, so we can take pauses. The problem with Cars 2 is that they rushed a sequel. They rushed a sequel because the first one was such a big hit that they're like, we gotta get a second one out. Mhmm. Look at something like frozen 2. Frozen 2 is good because they waited a long time for it to come out. But, like, Cars 2 came out in, like, 2006 or 2007, like, very short after. Or I don't wanna lie, actually.
It's it's also it's not even just about the speed with which they did it, but the reason that they did it. Right? Like, if you're making a sequel because you haven't a story to tell with those same characters, great. If you're manufacturing a story because you wanna make money, that's never going to turn out as well.
Yeah. Okay. So Cars 1 came out in 2006. Cars 2
came out in 2011. So it was 4 years, but that's how long it takes to, like, make an animated film.
Right. Yeah. Pixar movie special. Rushed it and if they had waited a longer time, they would have had a better storyline. The storyline in Cars 2 is just bad. Yeah.
It's so stupid.
And then Cars 3, they couldn't come back from Cars 2. I've seen it one time. It's not a terrible movie,
but No. It's fine. You can't
you can't come back. Right. Yeah.
And Cars was like
Cars is just so endearing and I know. Lovely. And
And And it's also a perfectly well, like, self contained movie. Mhmm. Like, it didn't necessarily need a sequel. Right? Like, it's just a nice story, stand alone story. Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, back to this lovely
Yep. Okay. Then they're at the trip Zoom convention was which is at the hotel in town, and we meet Jason Earls, who is Merv, who is like, runs the hotel. Mhmm. And then there's, like, people being creepy who are Moises, Arias, and Denzel. Mhmm. And then we see David Henry, whose name is Weez. And he wants to win the contest. So we're, like, don't know what the contest is yet, but he's like, no. We're winning the contest.
This is happening. So all of the fans are obsessed with Neil. And that brings us to mister Mosby, whose name is in the movie, Moe. Kinda funny. Yep. And the contest, we now find out, is that who knows the most about trip zoom gets a chance to be in the next book and read the book before publishing. So they're having this contest over the day, the week, the month, the year. I'll be there for you.
Okay. So
then, Emily Asman is outside, and her and David Henry have a moment about WordWAM, which is upwards, which is what I wrote, which is what Val talks about. And then him and Moises' Arias are related. And then, Denzel turns on an onion machine, which sprays onion smell into the hotel, and they have to evacuate the hotel.
Apparently, it was a contraption that was from one of the books, because they were trying to prove that they knew the most.
Yeah. And that's, like, their intentions throughout this movie is that they do a lot of the stuff from the book. So they're like, no. It's cool because this is what you wrote type of thing. Mhmm. So then the goons, the kid goons steal Neil, and then the old goons were trying to steal Neil. So we have a young goons and old goons. Silly goons.
So many goons.
And then he Neil is in the truck of the young goons, and they said, dirty sweat sock. You wrote it. We do it. So to Val's point of we're gonna do what's in the book. And he has to agree to one demand, and they'll let him go.
And now Emily Osment knows what's happening, and she has to save him. And Jason Earls is like, hey. I'll help you out. So he drives her over to where the the goons are, and the goons are at the car wash. And then, the goons send the car through the wash without the convertible top on. And Emily and Jason are trying to stop it, but instead, they go straight through.
Because who pulls into the actual entrance at a car wash?
Yeah. Who parks right in front
of it?
You're blocking other people from going through. Right. You would've gotten kicked out. Yeah. Dumb. Okay. So then, she knows where the goons are going. This is this is so dumb. Oh my god. I'm talking slow because it's dumb. So David Henry got out of the car when they were at the car wash, and she found a book that fell out. And she, like, looked at the book, and the book was overdue. So in her head, she's like, oh my gosh. The books are overdue. They're gonna be at the library.
And then I wrote, I kind of stopped paying attention while they were in the library.
So so at some point, Neil, the dad, kind of appreciates the dedication of these guys. So he's, like, happy to kind of play along with their little, you know, outing, and he's and when they go to the library, he, like, shows them how to rig up this thing where, like, when you open a book, it, like, splooges stuff all over your face, which is the thing I was referencing that kind of reminded me of that.
Quite a bit. Saw that at the very end when I was playing my game.
Yeah. So, basically, what happens is he also sees that the books that they have are about to expire or not expire, but are due back to the library, And he's urges them to return them because otherwise, they're gonna get fined. And perhaps this is sort of meant to show, like, that they actually think quite alike, he and his daughter. Either way, they all end up at the library, and Melissa is the one who unfortunately opens the book and gets splooged in her face. And then dad's like, don't be such a fuddy duddy.
We're just having fun. And she's like, we're supposed to be having fun, you idiot. And then he's like, well, okay. We'll we'll go back and we'll fix this. So they do or they're about to. Mhmm. And then they get outside, and what happens?
And then Skunk and mister Mosby wear cop stuff, and they try to capture them and arrest them. And they're like, are you real cops? And they're like, yeah. We're real cops. And then they capture them. They're stolen. And they take them to a creepy spot
in, like, a motel where An abandoned motel. Yeah.
And it like, they go inside, and it's filled with trip zoom stuff.
Yeah. So they, like, live in the lobby or, like, the main building of this motel. And they're brothers. Sort of it made me think of have you've never seen Big. Right? Long time ago. Okay. So there's, like, you know, Big is like a child who is in an adult's body. Right? And he, at one point, moves into, like, a big loft apartment Oh, yeah.
And he, like, tricks it out to be, like, the a kid's dream. Right? Even though it's obviously an adult's apartment. And, it kinda made me think of that. Like, it's just it's it's as if children furnished this house. Yeah. And, basically, they appear to be ex cons or at least Mo is.
Yeah.
And so they, like, kind of live off the grid. It's not super clear, like, maybe they were foster siblings. Like, they don't totally explain everything, but they are brothers. Mhmm. And
one of
them, like, Moe doesn't want his little brother Skunk to have the same life that he had or whatever. So they're he's like, that's his motivation, I guess. Yeah. So, anyway, keep going.
And I wrote, I still don't know why they've been kidnapped. Okay. So then the kid the kid goons figure out that they've been captured, and they go try to rescue them. And I wrote literally, what am I watching? And they then we find out finally that mister Mosby and Skunk stole the dad because they want him to edit Skunk's book that he wrote.
And they won't let him go until they edit the book. And he's like, this is gonna take months. Like, I write a book for a year, and they're like, well, okay. You better get comfortable then. And then this is where the dad and daughter conversation have they have a heart to heart, and they talk about, she's like, you don't even know me. And he's like, no. You're you're my life. And then she's like, but Tripp comes first.
Also, I know this doesn't matter. But at one point, she the reason why Melissa's even there is because she, at one point, handcuffs herself to her dad. Mhmm. So they, like, have to take her. Then they make an editing error, a continuity error, where at one point when they first get to the hotel, they are no longer cuffed together.
They are each handcuffed behind their backs. Then, like, 2 seconds later, they are back being handcuffed together. But, anyway, that's not even what I was gonna say. What I was gonna say is there are so many moments where they could have escaped. Like, there is this when this conversation happens, they are just by themselves. The 2 guys are outside watching a movie, out on the front porch or whatever. So, like back. There's nothing about this movie makes any fucking sense at all. Yeah. Okay.
Sorry. Keep going.
So they cry. And then the Kid Goons fake being the police,
and then,
they scram. Then and then, like, everyone scrams. The kid goons scram. The old goons put the people in the car, and then they are scrambling. And then they're off roading, and skunk is throwing clothes at the kid goons in their van to, like, distract them and
because they're in, like, a dry cleaning van Yeah. Or whatever.
Oh, I see. I didn't
I didn't know. That's where they got the cop clothes from.
That makes sense for someone who paid attention to this movie. And then, they the Emily is like, oh, how can I get them to, like, stop?
She's like, I have to pee.
Hello. I have to pee. And they're like, you hold it. And she's like, you really want me to do that? And they're like, no. So they stop and go get gas, and they go pee. And then the boy the little boy goons, the little young goons, they, get stuck in the mud. So they're stuck in the middle of nowhere. So the so the old goons escape. And then she goes into the bathroom, and Skunk's standing outside, and she's like, I can't piss when you're standing by the door,
Skunk.
Go away. And so he's like, oh, yeah. Okay. And she rips out a page from the trip Zoom book and circles the word presidential instead of
writing anything down.
You have a writing utensil, and you're just gonna circle, like, right on the mirror. And then, the goon boys, the young boy goons, come back in. They're like, she was in the bathroom. We know she was here. She, like, left little clues,
and they're
like, presidential, what does this mean? And it's because they were saying the presidential suite.
So she was telling them to go back to the hotel.
Yep. So then Merv hotel man, who is Jason Earls, is was working with, Skunk and mister Mosby. Spoiler alert. And so then when they go back to the hotel because she's like,
can we just go back and we'll just work there?
And they're like, okay. And then they don't get taken to the presidential suite. They get taken to a different room, and then they have to, like, work together until they get the book get the book done. And then the pizza guy drives the young goons back to the hotel, And then now it's morning time, so no one was sleeping. I think dad slept, but these young goons, I guess if you're young, you can stay awake.
Then the young goons collect all of the Comic Con people to get everyone together and help find Neil, And then they bring back the song from the beginning for a montage where they're, like, getting slime all, like, set up and, like, water balloons of slime and, like, sprayers of slime. And
This felt I wrote at one point, this is knockoff hook.
Yeah. But Like, it was like
a bad version of hook. Yeah.
And then, dad and daughter have another heart to heart, and she goes, I'm in your books. You're the reason I write. Then, Jason Earls was the bad guy all along. He doesn't care about the book. He wanted his last manuscript so he could he could basically, like, take advantage of Neil and get the money and be like,
I don't He wanted to have Neil write a manuscript, and then my understanding is he was going to then kill Neil so that it was his last ever manuscript. Yeah. And then he was going to, like, sell it for a bajillion dollars. That was what he wanted all because he wanted to make his hotel nice.
Dumb. So he
was gonna commit murder Yeah. Because he wanted a nice hotel.
People commit murder for worse things, I think.
That is absolutely true. It is absolutely true. But I was shocked that they even implied that in a DCOM.
Mhmm. Then, they they lock up Melissa, Emily Osment, and then they sit him back down to write. So they put him in, like, 2 different rooms.
She's in the bathroom.
She's in the bathroom because then there was, like, a window, and she was able to contact the goons, and then they attacked the hotel with goop. And then Jason Earls tries to sneak out. Denzel finds them, and the Comic Con people attack. And then all the young goons are picked as the winners, so he chooses all 3 of them. And then, they're leaving. They're like, bye. Goodbye. And they're all like, you sure
you can't stay another day?
He looks at his daughter, and he's like, no. He's finally choosing to spend time with his daughter. And then something we didn't mention throughout the whole time, which I know Val hates this choice, is, David Henry and Emily Osment flirting throughout the entire thing, and then at the very end, the care about that. I really don't. You mention it every time where you're like, we didn't need that. Yeah. But of all
the things we didn't need in this movie, that was not a big priority for me. There were so many other things I would have cut before that.
Yeah. So then they're gonna go out on a date. Yes. And that's the movie.
That is the movie. And, also, there is a song during the battle that is sung by Emily Osment. Mhmm.
And I think the opening song too. I'll although I think it's the same song.
I think it's the same song. Hero in Me. Yeah. Cool.
Well, shall we bean Joe? Let's bean Joe. Bean Joe. I'll start. Okay.
One hit wonder song. I don't think Emily Osment was a one hit wonder. No?
I don't know any of her songs.
Alright. Well, we can kinda Let's mark we
haven't marked it in a while. Yeah.
Let's do it.
Thanks, Emily. Breaking the 4th wall and looking into the camera.
No. No. It's kind of close with her talking to Tripp, but it's not the same thing. Holiday themed. Not unless you count Comic Cons.
No. Sad. Clunky metaphor.
I mean, trip zoom. Trip zoom. Clunky metaphor.
He's the clunkiest of metaphors. Mhmm.
Parents who just don't get it. So yes. Yes. So much yes.
Sad. Cool non parent adult. Skunk. No. Skunk. Is he cool?
The misunderstood villain.
Honestly, Skunk is kinda cool.
I kinda like Skunk by the end. Yeah. Let's do it. K. Someone too famous for a TV movie. No.
Competition to resolve central problem. There is
a competition, and this resolve the central problem?
But it is the reason for all of this happening, and so
Fine. Yes. If we can get a bingo out of this, at least it will have been worth
it. We won't.
A montage sequence. Yes. Yes. Preparing for battle among others. Yes.
Two sets of cliche villains.
Clothes or items you owned? Actually, yes. So in the van with the baby goons, they have a compass on their dashboard, like, stuck to their dashboard, kinda like where you would put a GPS. Mhmm. For Gen z, we used to have separate GPSs. And before that, we had compasses so that we knew what direction we were going. I had a compass just like that on my dashboard because I have no sense of direction whatsoever.
That's really cool, Val. Mhmm. I had none, but I do have a 6 foot cutout of Shrek.
Basically, the same. Yeah.
It's the same.
It's a
trip zoom. It's cut out. Run tomatoes 40 to 60.
Okay. I'm gonna give this what I think it deserves. I'm sure it's higher, but I'm gonna give it a 27. 45. God. God. At least we get the squish.
At least it was under 50.
Happily ever after. Yeah. Yeah. They actually go on their trip,
and she gets a date. Almost kissing.
No. No. No. Sad. Someone who became famous. Like, all of them. Yeah.
David Henry moderately. David, wiz Wizards of Waverly Place is getting a reboot. What?
Mhmm. Is he gonna be in it? Mhmm.
I think it's the 2 of them, the parents I don't think that Jake d Austin is coming back, the younger brother.
Oh, interesting. Mhmm. Okay.
Betraying of one's real friends or values. I don't think she does.
Your childhood crush.
Yeah. I had a crush on David Henry.
There you go.
I still do.
I don't get it. Okay. Obviously, bad special effects or stunts. Yes. Yep. There's so much,
like whole movie.
Yeah. It's just a channel star. Yes. Yeah. A number of them. Yeah. A lot of them.
Phil Lewis. Musical number. No. No. But they do have a stage.
Mhmm. Magic. Unless you count her hallucinating trip Zoom. No.
No. Someone says the title of the movie.
No. No. Scooby Doo. Yes. Yeah. This is a very Scooby Doo heavy movie. Yes. They're even in a van.
The heroes create the problem.
No. No. Dad creates the problem. Lead is a fish out of water. Kind of. Yeah. Like, she doesn't fit in the at the Comic Con thing at all. Uh-oh.
We both just yawned because we got 0 bingo. Oh. We got a bunch of squares, but they just didn't line up properly.
Man oh, man.
We really needed this movie to be holiday themed or have a musical, which
I say about every movie. If that final battle had been a musical number, that would have been fun.
It would have been 4.5. Alright. Hey, Val. Welcome to our an actual segment of hot dad, cool dad.
Hot dad, cool dad.
I'm gonna give you 5 movie dads, and you get to you get to tell me if you think they're hot dad or cool dad
Got
it. Or hot, cool dad
Okay.
Or none. Okay. Okay. Got it. Number 1. Hot dad, cool dad. Arthur Weasley. Cool dad.
Mhmm. I don't know
why he's donning those robes.
No.
That's that is a no from me, dog. Number 2.
Ally's laughing a lot. What's happening right now?
Marlon from Finding Nemo.
Hot. Not cool. Hi, dad. You say hot? Yeah. Hot but not cool. Yeah. For sure. You know who is hot and cool? Crush.
That's so true. Okay. Number 3. Yes. Rocky Balboa.
Cool dad. I don't find him attractive.
I think sometimes he is, and other times I'm like, not today.
No. Not for me.
Adrian. Adrian. Oh, I'm I'm a rock. Okay. Number 4, Darth Vader.
Oh, okay. So my follow-up question is also a spoiler. Which version of Darth Vader? Like, well, I find Hayden Christensen attractive. K. So hot dad. K. Definitely not cool dad until the very, very, very end of the trilogy original trilogy.
K.
But I guess, at one point, he was hot, and at one point, he was cool. Just not at the same time.
Okay. And that's on character growth.
That's right. But, yeah, you know who is hot and cool. Obi Wan Kenobi.
Alright. I think you're gonna like this last one. Number 5, Nick Parker from the pear trap.
Oh, hot dad, cool dad. Yeah. Come on.
Hot dad, cool dad. Okay. But my argument for kind of character arc, is he cool dad the whole time? Because his choice of dating a 26 year old woman
Is gross? Is not so cool. But, also, like, not to sound like a asshole, but, like, she she's dating him. I mean, she's dating him for the wrong reasons, obviously. But, like, if, like, I don't know if I would find a 26 year old attractive even now. Mhmm. But, like, if I did and they were interested in me, I don't and they were hot and
My god. Michael. Michael, get down here. Michael.
Trust me. I'm not going anywhere, especially right now. But I you know what I'm saying? Like, I think that he he was kinda he was definitely oblivious. Like, he didn't understand that she was not dating him for the right reasons. Yeah. But I think that, like, if you thought that someone was well intentioned and a nice person, I don't know. I'd see where he where where he was coming from. And, also, he is a cool dad. He's a cool dad.
He is a cool dad to her. Cool dad, hot guy. Cool. Cool. Well, Val, thanks
for playing hot dad cool dad, our first installment.
Thank you. That was fun.
Yeah. That's
it. So
bye, Mal.
Some exciting new folks are gonna be added to our live show's cast. Yeah. So if you even if you've come to see the show already and you're in Chicago, please come see it again because you'll get to see some fresh faces. It'll be a fun time for you.
Fun times for all.
Also, we are still on social media. You may have noticed that we have not done TikTok in a while. That is my fault.
I decided to have a baby. So
But I am hoping that I will be able to get more stuff on there. Cool. Yeah. Because some of my dancing on there. Some of your dancing? Yeah. When I, like, stand up, and I'm like, it looks like this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Get my Disney tease in there.
I need to find, your Disney's in there to put it there.
The people are yearning. You're yearning for Al's Disney's, and
I promise I will do my best to get them on there soon. Wow. Yes. So please keep up with us. Please. We we are going to do better. And, we'll be back Yeah. We'll be back. Yeah. Tell us. Yeah. With, hatching Pete with Al's favorite Jason Dolly. Jason Dolly. So we'll, we'll see you there Okay. In a couple weeks. Oh, one last thing. We are now available on YouTube. Oh, that is true.
So what does that mean, Val?
Yes. So our episodes push out automatically to the Trident Network YouTube channel. They have a playlist that is our podcast. So, if you are a YouTube user and you prefer to listen to us that way, you are more than welcome to go and listen to us there. Nice. Yeah. And follow the Trident Network so that you never miss an episode of this or anything else. Woah. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Alright. Well, Elle, have a good day.
Thank you. You too.
Hey. Bye, Elle.
Bye, Elle. This podcast was produced by me.
And me. And it was edited by me. The music was composed by Michael McNally.
You can find us online at the tridentnetwork.com/dcommentaries hyphen pod. And you can
find us on Instagram and TikTok at d commentaries.
D commentaries is a part of the Trident network. To learn more about our videos, live shows, and other podcasts, please visit the tridentnetworkdot com.
Disney Channel Original Movies. Damn it, Ali.