Spent the Day MastURbating

All right, let's get started on the Minnesota Goodbye. I'm going to start off with an email from Tristan, and Tristan says, what is y'all's favorite summer activity around the area. Dave, great job on Pike's Peak and Tristan, my favorite summer activity around the area. God, that's a really good question I.

Answer for you.

Yeah.

Please, I would say, probably you going to walk in like Lake Minwasta or something. Isn't there a spot you like going there?

You know? That is is my favorite spot to hike, because it's really it's not remote at all, but when you're on the back parts of Lake Minwashta, it feels like you're in the middle of nowhere. It really is like whoa first time was out there? I thought I got lost? Yeah, and I wasn't lost at all. I just kept following the trail in pretty soon, Oh there's my car, but I felt like it was lost. I would also say motorcycling. Oh yeah, I just love riding

I think that you don't have that any I had a dermatology.

Appointment again, a mole or something that grew on the side of my face, so I need to get that looked at. But I'm also going to Livia later today for the B twelve LIGHTO injection for energy and weight loss, and I think that's really cool. And then tomorrow I leave for San Diego for a morning show conference and I'm going to present an award to another DJ. I won the award last year. I presented to him this year. I get there tomorrow night, present the award at noon Friday,

You're flighting at three pm. You're making me nervous with the tightness of you having to present and then.

Be on a flight.

It is a little bit. Yeah. That's a good point, Jenny. Yeah, I work.

With radio DJs. Do you think they're going to be on time?

No, good point.

They'll be on time for that. They do keep a pretty strict schedule for that stuff.

Yeah, because you've been to this before. And then ABA's fifth birthday. Fourth birthday party is on Saturday, and then next week we're going to be at Mall of America and then after that we're going to be at a happy hour next price. So we're pretty busy.

We're busy people.

Yeah, yeah, what.

About you summer activity, Jenny.

Mine would be probably rollerblading and biking and sometimes running, but I can't run in like super hot heat.

So yeah, you and pickleball right now?

Oh yeah, and pickleball, but I just got into that, so I don't know if I could put that on their as favorite.

I think that's going to be year round for me now too.

So yeah, mine's just walking. I walk every day if I can.

If the weather is nice, I could go on five six seven mile walks, and usually it's just around like the lakes and the cities, or I go up and down just streets of like Linden Hills and just look at people's houses.

And that's impressive. I mean that's a long walk, it is.

But when it's like seventy five degrees like yesterday, I've so it's been the Fringe festival, so I'm not getting a lot of sleep, which is my own choice.

It's fine.

It's once a year, but I've been trying to like prioritize going home and taking like a long nap to like get.

Ahead of sleep.

And yesterday it was just so beautiful out that I was just like, Wow, I guess I'm going to go on a walk instead and just sleep for twenty minutes. And yeah, but it's so nice out I can't not. Yeah, I have to, because why would I not go on a walk now when in four months I won't be going out for four months.

Yeah, yeah, so we're taking it like September, October, November, so yeah, sure enough, Yep, you're right, all right, next one does don't say my name, but I only used a first name, so I hopefully it'll be okay. I was listening to the podcast and heard you guys talk about what a porn star does when they are forty. Well, my daughter's dad took off to another state in the two thousands and came back a handful of years later and had to admit that he had been doing porn.

It was on the actual show that we talked about it, because we talked about do you regret it when you're forty or something, and we just kind of said what we thought people might think. And I think that some people probably do. But I think some people might also have the mindset of, like, no, I'm proud of like doing that when I was young and hot and whatever.

I think that my logic would tell me that you will regret it because you are porn as forever. So if you make a porn now and you're young and beautiful and you're twenty two and you got a smoking body and you've got nothing to be ashamed of at all, and it's not necessarily shameful, but it's something that it's kind of like a tattoo that you kind of regret, you know what I mean. If you get a tattoo of, like, I don't know, angels wings on your back, it's a

Maybe yeah, no, I mean for sure would you guys? Ever, Okay, so say you're single and you find someone you really like them. What if they had a previous like OnlyFans with their ex and they were doing like sexual things in it. Would you be able to get over that? Because I don't think I could question.

Oh I think I could, because that's their past, Like I mean, they did what they wanted to do at the time, and it's like, okay, well, I'm not gonna poo poo on you for just.

And I agree because I can get over like Andrew obviously has a pass. I have a pass, like I can get over things like that, but I feel like to put that on the internet, I don't know. I would probably be a tempted to see if she's better than me, and then it would like be scarred in my head and I'd probably think about that in moments I shouldn't be thinking about that, like, wait, she did this here.

Don't go looking for it.

But that's what I'm saying is I would be tempted to I would be so tempted.

Yeah, I think I would too if I were just like you said, if I were single and I met somebody who's like, yeah, you know, back in the early nineties, I did porn, and I'd be like, well, I gotta go watch. And if she said no, don't watch, I'd be like, I'm sorry, I think I have to. But I think that might be kind of a deal breaker because to me, I really do because I'm human, and I would like to say, bow, it's in the past, it doesn't bother me. It'd be kind of like if

I don't know.

There's a difference between porn and a dui. A porn is forever a dui. If you stop drinking and you have remorse and if you change your life, then I think it's a different thing.

But I don't think you need remorse about doing porn, because like, what if they did porn because one they needed the money and they like, you know what, I've got a hot bot, I'm proud of it. I need money, and this is a good way to do it. I feel like it's more empowering than anything, unless they're doing like creepy, scary porn. Then I mean, I think, like, go, if someone said if I was dating someone and they were like, by the way I did porn, I'd be like, dope,

And it could be a little sexism on my part because I think that guys don't want to feel like they were outperformed by another guy. Yeah, So if I'm watching porn and this guy's got a big old wang and he's like you know, and he's like just banging away and she's like screaming and going, oh my god.

Yeah she's acting.

Say that's super fake, stupid sex, and she's still.

Choosing to be with you, even though she's had this giant wang before.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's cool, But I guess.

I just also want to clarify that my example wasn't about just porn in general. Mine was about you being in a relationship prior with someone that you did like and only fans with. Like, I think there's a little bit of a difference between you going and banging and doing random like stuff with people you don't have a relationship with versus you had like an only fan that was successful or something with your previous partner.

Yeah, but yeah, real, Will you remind me because I'll forget to go back and put a bleep through her name, Because I want to make sure that you know, if you send in an email to the show and you want to stay anonymous, I want you to feel confident that we will respect that. Okay, somebody sent in a picture of brief jerky. It is edible meat underwear. It is underwear made out of beef jerky. Now I don't know why they sent it in.

I think it's because I was talking about swimmers this morning looking like beef jerky because they're so muscly.

Okay, the Olympic swimmers. Yeah yeah, okay, gotcha. Well, thank you Kate for sending that in so much.

And we're so sick because all I could think about when you said swimmers was sperm just now, because we also brought that up earlier, and I was like, Jenny, swimmers, I.

Was thinking of the Olympic swimmer.

I know, well, we talked about the Olympic swimmers, and you know, I'm not attracted to men, but I can definitely look at a guy and go, dang, he has got the look at the swimmers. They have the most muscular, almost fat free body, and they've got the V shaped torso, but they're not overly muscular. It's like, and I told Susan, I said, would you hook up with one of those guys? And Susan is just like, she just doesn't play that way.

Does she say she says no, or she's trying to be respectful, or she doesn't.

Like when I ask things like that. She's just like no, why gross? Stop?

See I think that's I think that's weird because it's like, are you Is she trying to come off as that she doesn't find anyone attractive because she's married to you?

I don't know, because that's a bunch of bull of corn.

I don't know. Oh, I I'm not really sure. I mean I sit there and I say, wow, that woman is beautiful, and I when you know, I mean, nobody wants to hear about who I want to hook up with because gross. But I don't have a problem expressing that to her. But she just doesn't vibe that way. So you know, all right? Next one, don't say my name Dave van Crue. How did you process life? Change? Well, let's move on. My now ex moved out months ago and we broke up a few months ago. It was

For me, I would say that I try to keep myself very busy because once you start like making yourself busy, your mind at least gets off of any kind of stressor is that you you could be sitting at home thinking about because like I know people who have gone through really rough breakups and like I have two where you just like lay in bed, but then all you're

It's probably not going to happen.

You're probably still going to be thinking about it, but it's going to help you out a little bit more.

And yeah, I don't know.

Like when I've gone through really hard things, I usually was working like three jobs and just kept like trucking through life and stayed really busy, and it really did help me out.

That's really good advice, Jinny. I remember I was going through some awful dark shit about ten years ago, and I thought about it all the time, all the time, all the time. But I went out to doing a p and sid a haunted house somewhere up north, like in Wyoming, And I walked back to my car and I thought, God, for the last three hours, I did not think about it even once because I was busy. So I think that that's some really good advice. Stay busy, preoccupied with other positive things.

Yeah.

I also so my last year was actually one that had a lot of changes. I ended a really long relationship,

That's a really good thing. I tried the positive journal, but every day was the same positive you know what I mean, like your daily positivity journal. And I'm like, well, I'm healthy and I got a great family and a great job. Next day, what are you thankful for today? Well, I'm healthy, got a great family, you get a great job, you get me.

More specific like little bitty things like oh, I'm happy that I don't know the I can hear the breeze and the leaves today and that's like the best part of late spring eating blueberries.

Andrew'll be like, how lucky are we that we get to eat blueberries. Andrew's a very grateful human. He lives pretty simple life of like happiness, and like, I don't know he it's just those little things that he'll bring up sometimes, you.

Know, you think about it, and how lucky are we that we get to eat blueberries? They didn't grow around here. When somebody trucks him in from no Abilene, I think they grow an ample.

Yeah, And I just get to sit here, look at you two, we do this little podcast and I just think, Wow, what a blessing.

You know, what kind of is really? Seriously? All right? Next one, do not say my name. I do not want to be associated with the story that I am bringing up for discussion. Laugh emoji. First time writer, longtime listener. I told the story to a friend who said, you got to send it into the Dave Ryan Show. Last week, my neighbor had a story to share of something that

Absolutely, I'm really hoping it was just going to be a naked math.

Nope, nope, nope, plain a day, Like what the fuck? My neighbor, being a taller, stronger guy, went out of the house, grabbed an iron rod from his truck, and confronted them. My neighbor also called the police in the process and asked and the naked man was arrested. My neighbor had video proof of said story and it was all captured on his ring camera. My discussion topic for you is. Have you ever had an encounter like this or had a ring camera capture something funny, embarrassing or shocking.

H The only thing I can think of was on a flight a few years ago Andrew got sat next to some guy who, like, I don't know if there was something mentally wrong with him, but he was just like talking to Andrew a bunch. He kept laying his head on and I remember that it was really really strange. And then like midway through the flight, he started like

Or not interesting, but it was strange. Yeah, nothing that strange to have happened to me. But my dad has a ring camera and he died. He caught the mailman. So my dad has like a couple of steps up to his front door, and you have to just like walk along, put the mail in, turn around, walk back, walk down the steps, and then go back around this

Now, you know, I've never seen anybody walking naked masturbating down the street. I'm only going to point out you spelled masturbating wrong. Is the m A S t U r B A t I G not m A S t E r B A t I n G masturbating not masterbating a.

Lot, Dave? Yeah, yeah, you search in for.

Well back to my journaling.

Yeah, okay, all right, we can move on.

Spent the day mass tour basing.

Okay, can I name the the title of that or no masturbating, Yes, spend the day masturbating.

Spent the day master robating with a you yes, my dearest morning show gang. And this is why we love the Minnesota Goodbye, because we don't really kind of talk about this stuff on the regular show because you know what we I think one of the reasons we get a little bit spicy on the show, of course, with War of the Roses and Jenny will talk about you know, pooping or that type of thing, or we'll talk about or cousin Enel because we love the joke with cousin

I said that, honestly, when I met cousin Enel, he didn't like vasiline back then, so I didn't like him.

What did you do? Just spit on his hand and then rub it hunt?

All right, too far, nous, take it back a.

Stad Sorry, sorry, all right. Last one, I want to take the time to discuss the beef my father in law has with mister David Ryan. I've always talked highly of how great Dave is and has been every time we and my children have met him. But to come to find out that a long time ago, mister Dave Ryan was doing a bit on the radio where he asked people to call in with their best Rocky and Bullwinkle impressions. Okay, great bit. My father in law called

Can I tell you a quick story about a time that you said something on the air you and Fallin that hurt my feelings. Yeah, this was probably right when Fallon started, and you were both making fun of women who had like one long hair like around their nipple, and I was like, but I have one long hair by my nipple, and I know a lot of people do and have to pluck it out, and I think of that every time I have to pluck that dang hair out of my nipple.

Also, how times have changed, because Alim, I definitely talk about having nipple hair, we have to pluck it. So back then maybe she didn't have any app but she openly talks about that.

I just remember that like clear as day, because I think about it every time I have to pluck that freaking hair off my nipple.

Can I tell you about the first time I saw boobs?

Sure?

Tell me the reason. I was nineteen, my girlfriend was eighteen, okay, and I'd never seen I probably glimpsed my sisters or my mom's by accident there there, but to be intimately involved with the boobs. I was very disappointed that this girl, who was only eighteen, had veiny boobs, and she had a lot of veins in her Boobs're skinny?

Are they big boobs?

They were big ish? Yeah, And I was very disappointed. I was, like, I mean, not very disappointed, maybe more surprised. I was very happy to be.

You know, in the presence, in.

The presence of her boobs, but I was very surprised. I guess you could say, I didn't notice any nipple hair, but veiny boobs. And some people can live at me and like live they can be forty eight years old and not have any veins in their boobs. And this woman was eighteen, and she had veins in her boobs. Yeah, shout out Vanessa.

Did you touch them? Did they feel like sand bags or something?

Well, because I know what boobs feel like, they feel like big bags of.

Sand, bags of sand.

Yeah. Cool. Now that's a line from forty year old virgin because he doesn't know what boobs feel like. So somebody asked him and he lies and he says, they feel like big bags of sand.

Yeah, that part.

They feel like a water balloon.

Kind of like if I hold my own boobs, it's a little different because they're like hard in.

The middle, you know what I mean?

Really, no, like what part?

Yeah, Like it's not just all like fat sitting on your chest.

Mine feels like fat sitting on my chest.

Like a water in the middle.

Yeah, it's like a water balloon where the balloon itself is like really thick feeling balloon, like a thick latex.

So so the outer skin is thick latex.

Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, that's what feels.

Sr one of what boobs feel like.

I asked my mom when I was a kid what it feels like to have boobs, and she goes, well, you have a butt, don't you want to go? Yeah, She's like, it feels the same as having a butt, and I was like, oh, okay, that's true. I was like a little bit more fun than that.

It's like, yeah, okay, let's move on to the next part of this. The same emailer, she says, while everybody's talking about the annoying Chumba Casino ads, why is nobody talking about the Benjamin Franklin ones. Oh my gosh, I literally have to turn off or go to another race at radio station every time I hear the unclog It is the worst impression ever. It makes me cringe every time I hear them. Uugh. I have an answer for that one. There is an absolute deliberate tendency to make

Remember us, kind of like that lady that has that golf club or yeah, the golf lady in Florida that goes spidding.

She's so bad, but you remember, I.

Think she's good. Oh does she? She does she?

I don't think it's a bit.

I think that she like thinks what she's doing is good marketing, huh.

I like the Northern Ben Franklin. I find their commercials comforting because they're bad, Like they just seem like Minnesotans, you know.

I like them, you know, I get that, and they're definitely like they're trying to be Minnesotans. There is a woman and I can't find her right now. But she was I think on my radar a couple of weeks ago. Yes, And she's a woman who is attractive, probably fifty ish fifty five is years old, and she's like, she does the social media for this golf resort and she's so so bad, but people will go on there and praise her, and people are so nice. They never say you suck.

But it's because it's cringey.

But I also think it's because she's genuinely happy in it, like it's like it's just her personality. So I think people are cheering her on because they're like, this is an attitude everyone should have.

No, I think you're right, and people are really nice because nobody goes on there and says you suck you jackassd what the hell are you doing? But she really genuinely thinks that she's doing a good job.

So, speaking of taco bar, and one of you guys fart something smells spice.

Would never fart in the studio the studio, any must be.

Something smells weird anyway, carry out? Okay, all right, I wanted to point that out in case one of you had farted, it would now.

We wouldn't admit it anyway. Oh well, but no, I don't fart in the studio. I've got a personal policy.

So you did fart, you just said you did. You wouldn't admit it. So you're the one who parted.

Something smells like cheesy, cheesy spice spicy cheese.

Well it's probably because you just ate thatch.

That was like an hour I know.

But isn't the wrapper in the garbage?

How is that wafting all the way over here?

I just got it, Like, are you pregnant?

Nont Anyway, She goes on to say, key about the great work. I wass look forward to listen to one of my favorite podcasts while I drive around the city for work. Your p one listener, Jenny. I really enjoyed the emails today on the Minnesota. I thank you. I love the way you mix it up and talk about everything from bad Bullwinkle impressions to cheesy fart smells. So that was that was Paley. Yeah, appreciate that. Send your emails into Ryan Show at KDWB dot com. We'll see