Poop stories. Okay, well, we don't want to make the entire podcast about poop stories, but let's get started with this one. On the Minnesota Goodbye Here we Go. I was driving to work one rainy Arizona morning, which already spells disaster since nobody knows how to drive in the rain there, and I felt the urge to poop or past gas, pass gas. So I did and instantly thought, uh oh, it felt a little too questionable. By the time I made it a class late, of course, thanks
Arizona drivers, the entire group is already waiting. I scrambled to set up my equipment and made a b line for the bathroom to assess the situation. Now, mind you, the bathroom's right next to the classroom, so everything going on in there was basically public knowledge. And yep, it was a wet one. Now there was no time to take off my underwear thanks to the giant boots I had on, so I did some emergency cleanup fashion a
paper towel barrier between me and the mess. And because as a woman, you got to protect the fine china, I powered Jesus Christ. I powered through a two hour class, walking and standing the entire time, we're apparently the instructor of the teacher. Gosh, finally between sessions I get a chance to ditch the compromise Dundee's, but teaching commando not my style. It was a whole new level of discomfort. Love, y'all, you're the best. Big shout out to Andrea in Arizona.
Love seeing a fellow Arizonian appreciate the greatness that is the Dave Ryan Show. Now, let's be real. Do you secretly hope to casually run into Dave when he visits? Not saying you'd go full detective mode like some kind of Dave tracking ninja, but hypothetically if you accidentally ended up in the same coffee shop, that would be pretty legendary. Andrea in Arizona, I do have a friend named Andrea Perlis who lives in Arizona, and she follows us on Facebook.
It's the same one. It's got to be.
It must be the same one. And I dated Andrea's friend Diane long ago, back when I lived in Arizona. And Andrea is wonderful and she's funny, and we're still friends on Facebook, even though I haven't seen her in a very long time, funny poop story, Nikki, I appreciate it. Let me find the delete button so I don't read it tomorrow. Okay, next one friendly airline employee again, don't say my name. Our Aal airlines fly baby chicks all over the country. There are hatcheries here in the Midwest.
We put hundreds of boxes on hundreds of flights in the baggage bins from the postal service, so time passage, sometimes passengers can hear them. When there are lots of them, they keep each other warm. So we even ship in the wintertime. When I plan where the bags, freight and mail go, I have to plan the little chicks and the heated bins, and we let the captain know it's a live shipment flight. We separate them from dry ice shipments by placing dry ice in the opposite end of
the aircraft. We have many boxes filled with chickens hanging out in our camp ready rooms when the temperature goes down to zero. They are so cute. Chirp, chirp, Naomi. I'm not sure why she wrote about baby chicks and airplanes. Does anybody know why?
Remember?
I think it was just a I like it, but I don't know, so baby chicks are just flying on passenger plane airplanes apparently.
So.
Yeah, I held the baby chick ones. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. It's just so tiny and they're so bright yellow and they just go peepepeep. Oh my gosh, it's so cute.
They are adorable cute.
We used to, you know, we raise chickens when I was a kid, and so we would get a shipment of baby chicks, I think probably every February or so, and we'd put them in the garage and they'd have their little water feeder which looks like an upside down bucket, and a heat lamp to keep them warm. And when they are new, they are adorable. They're just they're soft and they're beep beep, beep, beep beep. They really are adorable.
And they have a smell that's kind of a pleasant smell. So, in other words, instead of like you know, animal poop or whatever, chicken poop, little baby chicken poop is kind of a pleasant, sweet smell. It's not gross, but I will tell you, within a few weeks they grow up to be quite unpleasant little animals.
Yeah, and now they're.
Little chickens, so they are cute when they're little. All right, here we go, next one. I'm a longtime listener, even after I went to college in Chicago in twenty thirteen and since moved to New York City. The consistency this show provides in my life is something unexpected but exceedingly important. Thanks for all that. Now for a topic of conversation. If you can know the answer to one mystery, what
would it be? I love this question because I think as humans, there is nothing more frustrating than admitting we might never know something. I was surprised when I asked my dad this question. His answer was, I want to know once and for all if OJ did it. Just for the record, well, we're both more than one thousand percent convinced that he did it, which made him think his answer was particularly interesting. What would you guys each like to know? Would also love a staff writer sticker?
That is Kate in New York, New York. To me, there's never been a question that OJ did it. One of the biggest pieces of evidence is when they called him to tell him his wife died, that he did not ask how she died, Like if I called you and said, oh, Mama RNDA, she died, your first question would be like.
What happened?
Yeah, what the heck?
But when you know how she died because you killed her, that's some pretty fucking powerful evidence along with all the other powerful evidence. So, Jenny, what mystery would you like to know the answer to? See?
I'm not a good person to ask because I don't do like murder mystery crime stuff like that. I'm just like really not into that kind of stuff. So mine would be more financial based of like what should I invest in? I know that's not what they're asking, but I genuinely don't care enough about anything any kind of assassination or anything like that to have an answer.
I'd love to know about like Bigfoot or like Sasquatch or aliens ors.
Jenny, because Jenny phil in for Bigfoot when he's on coffee break.
Yeah, big when he's on coffee break, that's real. Okay, I've never met him in person yet. So whoever hires me they pass the break room, Yeah, they passing.
Whoever hires me to fill in, I've never actually met. I think it's his agent.
Oh, Dangea, you take that very well?
If like, uh if unicorns, because I know I've seen them in Wisconsin. I just want to know, if I didn't see them, what was it, because I'm I'm confident I saw unicorns in Wisconsin.
I've told you this story again fifteen and then twenty.
Oh yeah, goat. You know it was a goat.
No, it's a horse with a horn and it's white. There's no way it wasn't a unicorn. And if it wasn't, I need to know what it was because I wasn't crazy, I wasn't drunk, I wasn't on drugs. I was literally fifteen years old looking out the window, period. So anyway, I want to know what that is. That's the mystery I'd like to be solved.
What cheers Dave mine is the jfk assassination, And I don't want to get too technical, but it is fascinated and entree me ever since I was in high school and read a book about it, and I've been to Dealey Plaza where he was shot a couple of times. And it's one of those things where we literally would never know if somebody came forward with the truth right now, we literally would not know if it was the truth. And it is just, you know, without getting into the
weeds on it. It's just there's so much evidence this way and so much evidence the other way, So I don't know. Okay, next one, Hello morning show crew. All these poop stories have me cracking up. I had to chime in, not with one from experience, but one my dad is told. Back in the day, probably before I was born, He and his best friend from college were on a road trip along with a friend's mom who was from backwoods West Virginia. Nice lady, but very redneck,
just for contact. According to the story, at some point during the trip, she had to go number two, so they stopped at a gas station let her do her thing, then got back. On their way back on the road, she randomly pulls something out of her purse and chucks it out the window. No one knew what it was, and naturally, my dad and his friend her son started
to ask her about it. She finally admitted that when she used the bathroom the toilet was clogged and she was ashamed for the next person to see her poop, so her solution was to scoop it out by hand. Oh my gosh, wrap it in toilet paper, store it in her purse until she could discarded on the side of the highway. That was her thinking. Needless to say, that was the highlight of the trip. That we laugh about it every time it gets brought up. Wow, wow, wow,
love it. All the stories just had to chime in. I swear I'm not making this up. No, I believe you have a good weekend and no dart licking if they're from West Virginia. All right, and that is from Kevin. Kevin, great story, thank you. I think we might actually somebody offers to take the puppet that is used in as Catherine writes in and she says, if Day doesn't want his puppet, I'll take it, assuming as the puppet used in the theater skit of Nick the Stoner.
Yeah, oh yes it is.
It sits up over my left shoulder during the Showy. No, that's still mine.
I love that puppet. Well, you said you would leave the puppet you would like burn it or something when you leave.
Yeah, I did say that, didn't I'm going to get rid of all this, but for now, I still think that it adds a little personality to the morning show studio. We have very little decor in here. We have a Jesse Ventura doll up over the top of Jenny's head on the wall. And even though Jesse Ventura has not been topical in Minnesota for fifteen to twenty years, it's still there there. And we have a Vikings little doll like.
He kind of looks like a Marionette puppet.
Yeah, and then behind him stuff in the corner that I've actually never noticed is the doll from.
Saw Yeah, and that Vikings dude is covered in.
Dust, covered in dust, and people ask us. There's also a life size, full scale real traffic light in the corner behind Jenny and you never see it, and it lights up when Jenny when somebody calls on the hotline.
Yeah, if they call our direct phone number, the light goes red, so that usually insinuates that we're getting a hotline call. And then sometimes the green will pop on. But I don't know why.
It used to way back in the day when I first started here, because it's been in every studio I've been in, three different studios with KDWB. It used to light up when there was like ten seconds left in a song as the warning to the DJ to like, you know, get your headphones on, turn your microphone on, and then the red light was always the boss is calling. And the yellow light, I don't know.
Exactly yellow light's ever gone on?
I don't think so. But where we got a traffic light? I have no idea anything else we want to cover on the Minnesota goodbye rather short one today. We're only at ten minutes and forty seven seconds right now.
Oh okay, Jenny's going to have a new boyfriend soon. He's Dutch and beautiful.
I said that, we are not talking about this.
Why do we talk about it?
My bad?
I know, just made a new friend this weekend and I flirted a little bit and everything Bailey just said is Yes, he's Dutch, and he's beautiful, and he's going to fix my bike tire for me because he used to work on bikes.
So nice.
He is beautiful.
Yes, he looks like a he's got kind of like is his hair silvery grayish?
Yeah, he's got that salt and pepper lug.
Okay, and he's probably your your age ish.
He's five years older than me.
Okay.
Yeah, anyway, I can't wait.
Now.
I just fall in love.
I'm in this like weird phase of like I don't know, I mean, I just went through this not breakup, but like publicly talked about it. And now I like hate that I honestly had to do that, but it is just kind of part of our jobs. And now I'm back out here dating and I don't like want to share too much too soon because I don't want to ruin anything.
Well, you don't want what's it? He didn't have a name, but give me a good Swedish name, Borg Jorgen Borgan. Say his name is Jorgenborgan.
I like that.
Yeah, but you don't want him to hear about it on the radio and be like, oh, I do not want to be talked about on the EIGHTYOL and that is a switch of Dutch.
Dutch act Dutch ass.
Yeah, I mean exactly.
I just feel like a lot of people aren't prepared to if they are to date me, they're not prepared to have their lives talked about on the radio. And once again, I just met this man, I have nothing.
Sounds like you're already talking about it on the radio.
Yeah.
I love going on putting the cart before the horse, That's like something I love to do. So see, and I'm at Mary's slowburn, like I it takes me a while to like commit to people like not. Maybe a little bit different now at this age, but in my twenties, like we could be hanging out for months and I wouldn't say we were dating.
Okay, So so are you changing your status relationship status to in a relationship.
Yeah?
No.
The only reason I even use Facebook still is because of the day Ryan Show page.
I do not use my own Facebook, gotcha.
I can tell you the last time I like, I know people wish me happy birthday on my birthday. I didn't even look at a single one of those. Oh, I don't do Facebook. Now, if you know me, then you probably know that.
That's an interesting dilemma on your birthday. You get depending on how many friends you have, hundreds or dozens of people saying happy birthday. I go through and I try to like every single one of them so they'll at least know that I acknowledged that they said happy birthday. But it's such an effortless thing because you can pull up on Facebook friends with birthdays today, Yeah, and it'll already have written a messaging. You tap it, it'll send it with about a second worth of effort. So I
don't do that. If I'm going to wish somebody. Let's say it's Mamranda's birthday and I see, oh ma, Miranda's got a birthday today, I won't send the generic pre written one and be like, hey girl, happy birthday, so she'll know it was from me in real life.
Yeah, I only send happy birthdays to people who like mean something in my life, not like someone I went to high school with that literally like post on your wall happy birthday and you're like, you don't care about me?
What you just saw that it was my birthday?
To day? Yeah? Remember when wave was was poke Pope?
Yeah?
Poke, Yeah, was a thing on Facebook. And once in a while somebody my age who doesn't know that poke is not a thing anymore, will say, you know, Vanessa poked you.
You're like, what the heck is happening?
Nobody, nobody pokes anymore pokes anymore? Does anybody ever update their relationship status on Facebook?
Honestly, here's t When I was unhappy with my last relationship, and this was before he moved out and everything I marked it as like you couldn't see it anymore because I didn't want people to see that I was in a relationship. And then when Finally, when we finally broke up, I just deleted it entirely from my account, so I never actually like took it off and said like Bailey is single.
I just deleted it.
Okay, yeah, fair enough, all right, Well that'll bring us up to fifteen minutes, which is a good benchmark, a good yardstick for the Minnesota Goodbye. Most important thing in the Minnesota Goodbye is your input, your creativity, your question. Send those to Ryan Show at KDWB dot com.