The worst April Fool's Day joke. And when I say worst, it means I mean it was really good and clever, but it backfired hugely. Probably twenty twenty five years ago, we had an idea to do commercials on the radio that were fake, called Pets bymail dot com. And this is when the Internet was blown up and everything was like on the internet and like, you know whatever, So it was still kind of a new shiny toy. So we said, okay, let's make this funny commercial that's fake. Hey,
you want a new pet. All you gotta do is go on our website pets bymail dot com. We got everything from bearded dragons to poodles to little kitty cats to parakeets. Pick out your pet. We will deliver your pet alive to you within forty eight hours. If by any chance, the pet doesn't arrive alive, simply return the carcass for a full refund.
Oh geez.
And we use the word carcass. Yeah, And then people were like, what do you guys do? What is this horrible thing? And then so on April Fool's Day. The commercials ran for like four or five days before on April Fool's day the website went live pets bymail dot com and then it said April fool Yeah, but it backfired because people were just furious that we would do something like that, even when we didn't. So it spread all over the country from all of these pet groups.
I'm gonna say, didn't PETA get involved or.
I don't think so, but I remember getting because what people could do is they could look up the email address of the person who founded or branded or whatever the website. That was me, and also my home address in chan Hassen, which is not my home anymore. We've moved a couple of times since then, and so people were writing from all over the country, this is despicable, this is detestable, this is sick. And then I would
say it's a joke. And what I've noticed is that some people when they get fooled, they don't like it, Like with the waitress thing that I did five or six or eight years ago, where I mouthed off to the waitress. Once people found out that it was a joke, they didn't like the fact that they got fooled. So they were still angry and said, you don't joke about that, that's not funny. Even some of the media said, Dave Ryan doesn't know what a joke is.
Yeah.
Oh, And it was like, no, bitch, it's because you got fooled and you didn't like it. With the pets thing, you could definitely argue that you don't joke about things like that, but people definitely were pissed.
It was like, in your defense, a very different time back then, because now we're thinking until like societal standard at this point in life, and I just feel like it was a different time back then.
No, it was.
I mean there was a different brand or standard for humor, and it was definitely pushing the envelope. There's no question. Yeah, there's a knock at my door. Oh, I opened the door. There's a Carver County Sheriff deputy thing gosh, because he had been told the Sheriff's apartment had been alerted to the fact that there was a puppy mill being run out of this house in Chanhassen.
Gosh.
And I said, it's a joke. It's an April Fool's joke. It's gotten out of hand, it's blown way up. He's like, well, you need to take the website down. And I'm like don't worry. We already did, but it doesn't matter. People are still up in arms about the whole thing. Yeah, pets bymail dot com. And you're right, we would never do anything like that. No, not anymore, because you know, it's just a different sort of world. We did one
maybe ten ishu years ago. Minnesota Parks and Lakes Department, which there isn't one, had a website that we took out that said no motorcraft allowed on Lake Minnetonka this summer good and people were freaked out because that's what people look forward to, their boats and jet skis out on Lake Minnetonka. Well, no motorized watercraft on Lake Minnetaka according to Minnesota Trails and Lakes.
Or whatever it was, right, something that doesn't exist.
And people totally bought that one. That was a little bit more harmless, yeah, because nobody went to you know, nobody like protested or anything like that. We did another one one time, and this is one of my favorites, where we said we're gonna fly a helicopter over a park in Crystal or wherever it was and drop fifty dollar bills. This morning, seven o'clock be in this park in crystal. The KDWB chopper is going to drop fifty dollars bills. So this place was packed with people wanting
fifty dollar bills. The helicopter arrives and it starts dropping fifty dollar bills fifty dollars invoices like a bill, like you owe us fifty dollars. So it was a bill, not cash.
H I don't think i've heard that one before.
That was a fun one.
Oh wow, you think's got a helicopter.
Yeah, wow, Well a friend of mine had a helicopter, okay, and so we had use of a helicopter and we did it a couple of time, a couple of different things with it. People laughed at that one, and people still remember that one and they laughed. But now you got to figure somebody would say, like I sprained my ankle running for the helicopter, and I deserve money.
I had to take work off.
Wow, So we don't do anything like that anymore. So remember what we did last year?
You were not here?
I think I was like, no, I wasn't here here.
No.
We said that they open up a bowling alley.
Underneath our I heard it though, like on area, so you.
Could hear bowling pins crashing through the entire show, and we're like, god, they install the built a bowling alley underneath us and you can hear it. Yeah, And that was harmless and innocuous because nobody's going to protest about that one.
They have to be like harmless now or else people get mad in general, Like in all all April Fool's jokes, you can't like hurt anybody with it, right.
We were going to say one that the Vikings are moving to Salt Lake City, and then we quickly ruled that out because the Vikings are good clients of ours and we didn't want to piss off the Vikings.
Yea.
So then we said, okay, well, let's put a cricket sound like chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp all through the radio station all morning and then wait for people to call in and say, why do I hear a cricket? We're like, what a cricket? And then we would say, oh, there's a cricket in the transmitter, as if that would transmit over the radio, and we just decided not to do anything at all. Yeah, So that way we can't get in any trouble.
We got pas, which is nice, well, not really.
An April Fool's joke, but you did pull one on me that I actually think is really funny.
Thank you.
Bailey writes up these headlines and it says new law requires Minnesotans to show ID to buy phallic foods, which I thought was really funny, like you got to be at least eighteen years old by a cucumber or a hot dog.
Yeah, And people were texting in because they didn't catch you, saying that it was a joke that I pulled on you at the beginning, and so then people were.
Like, which costco is this? I can't believe you had to show your ID so.
To buy hot dog?
Good bit. Could you ever do pranks on like your parents or anything growing up?
Because the one that I did that every not every, but a lot of teenage girls did was like you'd put red food dye in the toilet and then you'd be.
Like, mom, oh my god, I got my pop you.
Yeah, I did that one.
And then I think I've done the rubber band around the hose on the sink.
Are you seriously.
I've not done I don't do pranks. I'm not like a prankster type person I like, I do hate pranks. I don't like being fooled in general. It hurts my feelings. But the while I was in the bathroom, the State Fair posted theirs and it's that like there's going to be a universal payment system at the fair called pickle chips, and they just had people like opening jars of pickles and like paying with pickles.
That's funny.
And because it's funny, you know it's fake. It's just cute, and I feel like that's what pranks have to be now, are cute things.
The only one I saw was that the North Loop Instagram posted that next to Couzi's, which is like a staple of the North Loop, They're going to turn the open parking lot into a pick ball courts and I was like, fuck, yeah, I know it.
Was a bit, but I was like, God, it'd be so cool.
Though.
When I was a kid, I grew up in Colorado Springs and that's right at the foot of Pike's Peak. And Pike's Peak is this big, you know what Pike's Peak is. And the paper they published a picture they photoshopped early primitive photoshop of Pike's Peak erupting. Oh, and they said, oh my gosh. Yeah, you know, once every hundred years or so, Pike's Peak erupts, and here is Pike's Peak erupting. And everybody knew Pike's Peak is not
a volcano at all. But there were some people who were really pissed because, like, we're new here, we didn't realize that Pike's Peak is not a volcano. And that scared my entire families. Like, eh, okay, but.
You could have just looked it up, right.
But where would you look it up back then in the Incralia? Yeah, all right, emails, this is really interesting and I've noticed this on Highway seven, Jennifer writes in PSA. If you're driving on Highway seven west of the radio station towards Minnetonka, there are cameras watching you, and they are there are these things that are parked alongside of the road, and there are things that hover over the road on a on a like a little beam or whatever.
They are cameras watching if you're doing anything other than keeping your eyes on the road. The local police department tested this new AI technology using cameras that take a picture of you and can see if your hands are on your phone, eating a sandwich or anything else distracting you from driving. In their testing data phase in February ten thousand instances of distracted driving, the camera is alert police within three seconds and then decide if a traffic
stop is necessary. So keep your eyes on the road and stay safe, y'all.
Good to know.
Okay, guys, I have a question for you. Have you ever heard of just like painting your countertops instead of just getting new countertops?
No?
Never, Okay, So I'm trying to make my kitchen not look like it's from the nineteen sixties. And I was texting with Tina, and Tina has I mean, she used to do like graphic design digital stuff for us here at the radio station, so she's got a really good eye for design, and so I was sending her pictures of the kitchen and she's like, well, you should try this. And basically, you paint your countertops and you can make
them look marbled. So you paint it like white, and then you have this other I don't know, some kind of paint that you kind of like draw lines in it that look like branches or whatever, and you kind of I don't know what the word is yeah or something like that. Whatever you put like some kind of coating on top and whatever, and it looks literally like your countertops are brand new. So the kid for that's like one hundred and sixty bucks versus brand new countertops are going to set me back a few.
Thousand thousands, yeah, And I just I'm not going to do that right now.
So I ordered the kit online and I think it comes this weekend, and I think I'm going to attempt to do it this weekend. Tina did offer to help me, because she did help her friend do it once, so I'm a little bit nervous. But if anyone listening has done something like this and you have tips, I would love to hear it, because I've never done a project like this, And basically, if I fuck it up, that means I am going to be spending like thousands of dollars on.
New countertops, yeah, because then you have screwed it up, yeah, past the point of just having crappy countertops to begin with.
But I'm kind of excited just because I like to cook and bake and stuff, and I hate my kitchen so much. It's literally like the vibe is so often there and so I just I.
Want it to be nice.
Is it a kitchen from like, I mean, your house is built probably in the fifties something like that.
Yeah, okay, it's like every Saint Louis Park house looks very similar. I don't have an alley kitchen. Most Saint Louis Park houses have like alley kitchens where it's just like you walk in and there's countertops on your left and right. Okay, mine's actually like a square shape. Okay, but it's just the countertops are old. The cabinets are so fucking old, and they look so.
The original I think, so they might be from the fifties.
Yeah, so I plan on probably doing something with the cabinets as well, like painting those. But also that's another thing that's so expensive, and I have a lot of cabinets in my kitchen. Yeah, it would cost so much money. So I think I'm gonna paint those and get new candles, and hopefully soon enough my kitchen will look a lot less like it's from the fifties or sixties.
It's funny how kitchens age so poorly. Our house is built in like ninety six or something like that, and the kitchen is very very dated. Our whole house is dated looking. I mean it's you know, it was the style back then. We have a jacuzzie tub. Those are very outdated. Now nobody wants a jacuzie tub. They all want a soaking tub. We've got brass door fixtures that are a handle, not a knob, six panel doors, and it's very dated. But you're right, Jenny, it's like to
bring it up to modernization. It's so expensive.
It is so expensive.
What is your count, what's the what's your material? What's your countertop material? Is it stone? Is it isn't?
No, it's definitely not wood. It's not would either.
I just feel like it looks like some cheap countertop you'd have in an apartment complex.
Like I don't know, it's.
Just is it for Micah? I mean, if you is it? Is it good?
These things you're with little laminates of stuff over the top. Is it laminated?
Maybe that's what I would define it as. Okay, but it's it's very The design of it is ugly. It doesn't look remotely modern whatsoever. So the point is I'm gonna paint these bad boys, see how it goes, and if I screwed up, I screwed up. The one thing I didn't learn was that you do have to It stains easily with this like paint stuff, so you do have to make sure you're constantly like cleaning the countertops.
Oh, which is fine because that's.
Like one of my number one things I do do. I'm always cleaning the countertops after like cooking and stuff, So I don't think that'll be a problem.
Okay, interesting, Well, you'll have to let us know how that goes.
I pictures.
I'll come in Monday crying because I screwed up my kitchen, or I'll be really excited.
Good luck, Jenny, I believe in you. Send your emails in to Ryan's show at katwbeat dot com. We'd love to get you on the next Minnesota.
Goodbye.